This is too hard.
This is what I need you for.
There are things that I am incapable of dealing with.
And you... get it.
not the my incapability, the thing im dealing with.
cuz its been you
omgsh, im being stupid, its been me too
but see.... not the same way it was you
because i went about it the empathy way
and you went about it the logical way
see... i dont know how to explain the logical way
when the empthy way doesnt work
because you never had to explain yourself to me
because... i got my way, i didnt need to get yours
and no one knows who this is for or what it is about
but its soo important that someone get this
even though no one can
just in case the person this is about (not to) is reading it
and thats my stupid mistake...
do you remember when you used to be able to help?
when you weren't too caught up in your own little world
to care about me
and my feelings
and what im going through
back when you didnt care so much about yourself
that you couldnt see how much i hurt...
and i lost that person...
but, i guess, you can't lose what you never had.
Tuesday, 31 March 2009
Why do I bother?
Today is a Tuesday.
(I am so clever sometimes)
And there are many good thinga about Tuesdays:
1. It's not Monday. This may not seem like a big deal. It is. No IPT after school. No drama eating away half of my afternoon. No Monday-ness.
2. I get paid on Tuesdays. I am a big fan of getting paid. In fact, of all the fabulous things in the world, getting paid is high on the list. (Amy, no matter which job you take, I will still get paid more than you)
3. Ncis. Enough said. 8:30. Channel 10. Ok, NOW enough said.
-----
My sister being stupid: "Dude, you totally crumbled my cookie"
Answers herself: "That's the way the cookie crumbles"
Me: "Kiss me!"
Nikki: "Are you single?"
-----
Anyways, have an awesome Tuesday (dude, what a lame post)
Oh yeah, and check out Carl Barron on youtube.
I am not kidding.
This guy is hilarious.
My stomach is hurting.
And my cheeks are aching.
And I'm still watching!!
He;s Aussie!! And he shamelessly pokes fun at aussies.
It's fabulous. Go watch.
(I am so clever sometimes)
And there are many good thinga about Tuesdays:
1. It's not Monday. This may not seem like a big deal. It is. No IPT after school. No drama eating away half of my afternoon. No Monday-ness.
2. I get paid on Tuesdays. I am a big fan of getting paid. In fact, of all the fabulous things in the world, getting paid is high on the list. (Amy, no matter which job you take, I will still get paid more than you)
3. Ncis. Enough said. 8:30. Channel 10. Ok, NOW enough said.
-----
My sister being stupid: "Dude, you totally crumbled my cookie"
Answers herself: "That's the way the cookie crumbles"
Me: "Kiss me!"
Nikki: "Are you single?"
-----
Anyways, have an awesome Tuesday (dude, what a lame post)
Oh yeah, and check out Carl Barron on youtube.
I am not kidding.
This guy is hilarious.
My stomach is hurting.
And my cheeks are aching.
And I'm still watching!!
He;s Aussie!! And he shamelessly pokes fun at aussies.
It's fabulous. Go watch.
I do stupid things 65% of the time.
Directions:
Mark which things you have done, then calculate your score by counting the number of questions you marked. This test is out of 100 questions which means that the number you get as your score is also your percentage. Tag some of your friends, and re-post as "I do stupid things __% of the time."
1. [] Forgot to put the lid on the blender, turned it on, and had everything fly out
2. [x] Gotten your head stuck between the stair rails
3. [] Broken a chair by leaning back in it (at least five times)
4. [x] Had gum fall out of your mouth while you were talking
5. [x] Choked on your own spit while you were talking
6. [x] Had people tell you that you are blonde when you're not, or had people tell you that your blonde highlights are going to your head
7. [x] Been caught staring at your crush by your crush
8. [x] Have looked for something for at least 5 min then realized it was in your hand ...
9. [x] Tried to push open a door that said pull
10. [x] Tried to pull open a door that said push
Running total: 8
11. [] Have actually believed someone when they said that they knew how to make a love-potion
12. [x] Have hit yourself in the process of trying to hit something else
13. [x] Have tripped and fallen UP the stairs
14. [] Have actually exploded marshmallows in the microwave
15. [] Have gotten gum stuck in your hair
16. [x] Had gum fall out of your mouth while trying to blow a bubble
17. []Have had the juice from a mini tomato squirt out and hit somebody else when you bit into it
18. [] Have had your drink come out your nose because you were laughing so hard
19. [x] Have called one of your good friends by the wrong name
20. [] Have skinned your toe because you were playing soccer or kickball with flip flops on or you were barefoot
Running total: 12
21. [x] Have put a sticker on your forehead, forgot it was there, and went out in public with it on
22. [] Have fallen out of a moving vehicle
23. [x] Have run into a closed door
24. [] __________
25. [] Searched for your cell phone while you were talking on it
26. [x] It has taken you longer than 5 min to get a joke...
27. [] Have gotten your hair stuck in a blow dryer
28. [] Have gotten your hair stuck in a fan
29. [x] Tripped on a crack in the sidewalk
30. [x] Said o'clock after saying how many min after the hour, example: 5:30 o'clock, or 6:15 o'clock
Running total: 17
31. [] After someone told you that there was gum on the ground, you stepped in it
32. [x] Put on a white shirt even though you already knew it was raining outside
33. [x] Have ever walked up to a stranger because you thought they were someone else
34. [] Ever been kicked out of a grocery store/off their property
35. [x] Touched the stove, the curling iron, a hot pan, etc when its on, even though you knew it was hot
36. [x] Taken off your clothes to change into something else then accidentally put the old clothes back on
37. [x] Wondered why something wasn't working then realized it wasn't plugged in
38. [x] Put the cereal in the fridge, or put the milk in the cupboard
39. [x] Walked into a pole
40. [x] Wore two different earrings or shoes by accident/stolen someones shoes by accident
Running total: 25
41. [x] Put your shirt on backwards/inside-out without realizing it then left your house
42. [] Tried to take a picture of someone's eye with the flash on..
43. [x] Gotten a ring stuck on your finger because you put it on even though you knew it was too small..
44. [] Walked out of the bathroom (stall) with toilet paper stuck to your shoe without realizing it
45. [x] Went to go do something/go get something, then when you got there, you forgot what it is was that you were going to do
46. [x] Picked up someone else's drink and drank out of it by accident when your drink was right next to it
47. [x] Fallen out of your chair while trying to pick something up
48. [x] Have poked yourself in the eye
49. [] Have gotten in the shower with your socks still on
50. [] Melted your hairbrush while blow drying your hair
Running total: 31
51. [x] Have done enough stupid things to take this test
52. [x] Have accidentally stabbed yourself with a pencil
53. [x] Have sung the wrong verse to a song without realizing it
54. [x] Have given an odd answer to a question because you didn't hear the question in the first place and didn't feel like asking what it was..
55. [x] Told someone you were the wrong age because you seriously forgot how old you were
56. [] Looked into an overhead purposefully while it was on
57. [] Got up early and got ready for school/work, then realized that you didn't have school/work that day.
58. [x] Forgot your own phone number
59. [x] Have tripped on a cord after someone told you to watch out for it
60. [x] Have ever laughed at a joke that no one else thought was funny
Running total: 39
61. [] Done the Macarena to the electric slide or vice versa
62. [] Said funner then had someone make fun of you for it
63. [x] Have repeated yourself at least twice in the same sentence
64. [x] Brought up an inside joke with the wrong person
65. [] Didn't do the backside of an assignment because you thought that there wasn't one because you had already looked and forgot that there was another side
66. [x] Did more work than you had to on an assignment because you didn't read the directions
67. [x] Corrected someone's grammar/pronunciation then figured out that you were the one that was wrong...
68. [x] Put something in a special place so that you would remember where it was, then forgot where you put it
69. [x] Put ice in your drink after the glass was full of liquid and had it splash out
70. [] Told a lie then forgot what it was that you had said and got caught
Running total: 45
71. [x] When wearing goggles, you pulled them away from your face and let go so that they would come back and snap you in the face
72. [] Forgot to make sure that the lamp was off before you replaced the light bulb
73. [x] Ran into a door jam
74. [x] Told someone that you hardly ever do stupid things, then immediately did/said something stupid
75. [x] Told someone to watch out for something, then you were the one that ran into it
76. [x] Have licked playground sand
77. [x] Have purposely and repeatedly flicked yourself with a rubber band
78. [x] Gotten so hyper that someone actually thought you were drunk/high when you weren't
79. [x] Have been so hyper you actually scared people
80. [] Put duct tape on your body then pulled it off to see if it would hurt
Running total: 53
81. [] Put duct tape on your hair/someone else's hair then pulled it off
82. [x] Put a clothes pin/hair clip on your lip, figured out that it hurt, then did it again
83. [x] Sat and wondered why men's dress shirts have a loop on the back
84. [x] Made up a code name for someone so that you could talk about them to someone else and no one else would know who you were talking about
85. [x] Have gotten a hairbrush stuck in your hair
86. [] Used the straw to blow the straw wrapper at someone
87. [x] Laughed out loud in the middle of class over something you just thought up in your head
88. [x] When at a restaurant, you used your spoon to fling stuff at people
89. [] Have flung forks/spoons at people in a restaurant
90. [] Tripped and made the waiter drop the food.
Running total: 59
91. [] As you are writing, you move your head back and forth with your pen/pencil
92. [x] Have drawn finger puppets on your fingers then named them
93. [] Have wrapped someone in a roll of toilet paper
94. [] Have used somebody else's toothbrush without even realizing it wasn't yours
95. [x] Have started telling a story and forget what you were talking about or what happened in the story
96. [x] Read a whole book but during the whole book you weren't even paying attention
97. [x] You have spelled your own name wrong before
98. [x] When lying in bed you look for pictures in the texture of the ceiling
99. [x] Have used your calculator as a form of communication in a class
100. [] Have popped a balloon in your mouth
Total: 65
Mark which things you have done, then calculate your score by counting the number of questions you marked. This test is out of 100 questions which means that the number you get as your score is also your percentage. Tag some of your friends, and re-post as "I do stupid things __% of the time."
1. [] Forgot to put the lid on the blender, turned it on, and had everything fly out
2. [x] Gotten your head stuck between the stair rails
3. [] Broken a chair by leaning back in it (at least five times)
4. [x] Had gum fall out of your mouth while you were talking
5. [x] Choked on your own spit while you were talking
6. [x] Had people tell you that you are blonde when you're not, or had people tell you that your blonde highlights are going to your head
7. [x] Been caught staring at your crush by your crush
8. [x] Have looked for something for at least 5 min then realized it was in your hand ...
9. [x] Tried to push open a door that said pull
10. [x] Tried to pull open a door that said push
Running total: 8
11. [] Have actually believed someone when they said that they knew how to make a love-potion
12. [x] Have hit yourself in the process of trying to hit something else
13. [x] Have tripped and fallen UP the stairs
14. [] Have actually exploded marshmallows in the microwave
15. [] Have gotten gum stuck in your hair
16. [x] Had gum fall out of your mouth while trying to blow a bubble
17. []Have had the juice from a mini tomato squirt out and hit somebody else when you bit into it
18. [] Have had your drink come out your nose because you were laughing so hard
19. [x] Have called one of your good friends by the wrong name
20. [] Have skinned your toe because you were playing soccer or kickball with flip flops on or you were barefoot
Running total: 12
21. [x] Have put a sticker on your forehead, forgot it was there, and went out in public with it on
22. [] Have fallen out of a moving vehicle
23. [x] Have run into a closed door
24. [] __________
25. [] Searched for your cell phone while you were talking on it
26. [x] It has taken you longer than 5 min to get a joke...
27. [] Have gotten your hair stuck in a blow dryer
28. [] Have gotten your hair stuck in a fan
29. [x] Tripped on a crack in the sidewalk
30. [x] Said o'clock after saying how many min after the hour, example: 5:30 o'clock, or 6:15 o'clock
Running total: 17
31. [] After someone told you that there was gum on the ground, you stepped in it
32. [x] Put on a white shirt even though you already knew it was raining outside
33. [x] Have ever walked up to a stranger because you thought they were someone else
34. [] Ever been kicked out of a grocery store/off their property
35. [x] Touched the stove, the curling iron, a hot pan, etc when its on, even though you knew it was hot
36. [x] Taken off your clothes to change into something else then accidentally put the old clothes back on
37. [x] Wondered why something wasn't working then realized it wasn't plugged in
38. [x] Put the cereal in the fridge, or put the milk in the cupboard
39. [x] Walked into a pole
40. [x] Wore two different earrings or shoes by accident/stolen someones shoes by accident
Running total: 25
41. [x] Put your shirt on backwards/inside-out without realizing it then left your house
42. [] Tried to take a picture of someone's eye with the flash on..
43. [x] Gotten a ring stuck on your finger because you put it on even though you knew it was too small..
44. [] Walked out of the bathroom (stall) with toilet paper stuck to your shoe without realizing it
45. [x] Went to go do something/go get something, then when you got there, you forgot what it is was that you were going to do
46. [x] Picked up someone else's drink and drank out of it by accident when your drink was right next to it
47. [x] Fallen out of your chair while trying to pick something up
48. [x] Have poked yourself in the eye
49. [] Have gotten in the shower with your socks still on
50. [] Melted your hairbrush while blow drying your hair
Running total: 31
51. [x] Have done enough stupid things to take this test
52. [x] Have accidentally stabbed yourself with a pencil
53. [x] Have sung the wrong verse to a song without realizing it
54. [x] Have given an odd answer to a question because you didn't hear the question in the first place and didn't feel like asking what it was..
55. [x] Told someone you were the wrong age because you seriously forgot how old you were
56. [] Looked into an overhead purposefully while it was on
57. [] Got up early and got ready for school/work, then realized that you didn't have school/work that day.
58. [x] Forgot your own phone number
59. [x] Have tripped on a cord after someone told you to watch out for it
60. [x] Have ever laughed at a joke that no one else thought was funny
Running total: 39
61. [] Done the Macarena to the electric slide or vice versa
62. [] Said funner then had someone make fun of you for it
63. [x] Have repeated yourself at least twice in the same sentence
64. [x] Brought up an inside joke with the wrong person
65. [] Didn't do the backside of an assignment because you thought that there wasn't one because you had already looked and forgot that there was another side
66. [x] Did more work than you had to on an assignment because you didn't read the directions
67. [x] Corrected someone's grammar/pronunciation then figured out that you were the one that was wrong...
68. [x] Put something in a special place so that you would remember where it was, then forgot where you put it
69. [x] Put ice in your drink after the glass was full of liquid and had it splash out
70. [] Told a lie then forgot what it was that you had said and got caught
Running total: 45
71. [x] When wearing goggles, you pulled them away from your face and let go so that they would come back and snap you in the face
72. [] Forgot to make sure that the lamp was off before you replaced the light bulb
73. [x] Ran into a door jam
74. [x] Told someone that you hardly ever do stupid things, then immediately did/said something stupid
75. [x] Told someone to watch out for something, then you were the one that ran into it
76. [x] Have licked playground sand
77. [x] Have purposely and repeatedly flicked yourself with a rubber band
78. [x] Gotten so hyper that someone actually thought you were drunk/high when you weren't
79. [x] Have been so hyper you actually scared people
80. [] Put duct tape on your body then pulled it off to see if it would hurt
Running total: 53
81. [] Put duct tape on your hair/someone else's hair then pulled it off
82. [x] Put a clothes pin/hair clip on your lip, figured out that it hurt, then did it again
83. [x] Sat and wondered why men's dress shirts have a loop on the back
84. [x] Made up a code name for someone so that you could talk about them to someone else and no one else would know who you were talking about
85. [x] Have gotten a hairbrush stuck in your hair
86. [] Used the straw to blow the straw wrapper at someone
87. [x] Laughed out loud in the middle of class over something you just thought up in your head
88. [x] When at a restaurant, you used your spoon to fling stuff at people
89. [] Have flung forks/spoons at people in a restaurant
90. [] Tripped and made the waiter drop the food.
Running total: 59
91. [] As you are writing, you move your head back and forth with your pen/pencil
92. [x] Have drawn finger puppets on your fingers then named them
93. [] Have wrapped someone in a roll of toilet paper
94. [] Have used somebody else's toothbrush without even realizing it wasn't yours
95. [x] Have started telling a story and forget what you were talking about or what happened in the story
96. [x] Read a whole book but during the whole book you weren't even paying attention
97. [x] You have spelled your own name wrong before
98. [x] When lying in bed you look for pictures in the texture of the ceiling
99. [x] Have used your calculator as a form of communication in a class
100. [] Have popped a balloon in your mouth
Total: 65
Monday, 30 March 2009
~Break those pillars down!~
For my 200th blog post (you guys didn't even know my blog birthday was coming up, did you?), I've tossed up a lot of ideas. I've thought of some sort of refleciton on how far I've come since my first post, or even since my 100th post. But no, I've decided that today, I am going to inspire myself. Or at least try to. Here goes nothing. (It may actually turn out to be nothing)
Nothing's ever going to be perfect.
Your mind and your heart will never agree on everything.
You will never be certain if it is the right thing to do.
Do It Anyway!
Because life is too short to question everything.
In the space between yes and no, there's a lifetime.
It's the difference between the path you walk,
and the one you leave behind.
It's the gap between who you thought you were, and who you really are.
It's the legroom for the lies you'll tell yourself in the future.
And the world will throw you a few surprises.
Fate has a good way of doing that.
And when you make up your mind about everything,
God will laugh in your face and change the rules.
You just have to stick to it.
Always, stick to it.
Life is short, eat too much chocolate.
Because, at the end of the day,
it doesn't matter if you're a little unhealthy
Everyone's gonna die someday...
The best you can do is die happy.
There's no returning,
I keep comparing, you're always winning
I try to be strong but you'll never be more wanted
If everyone was told the world was gonna end in 5 minutes,
everyone would pull out their phones.
They would ring their parents,
their children,
their best friends,
and the people they love most in the world.
Confessions of love would be made worldwide.
The world is not going to end.
And love has no place in our world.
So people keep it inside,
and people burn.
Here's what I do:
I think too much
I drive myself insane
I make up ideas in my mind
I try to understand complexities beyond my comprehension
And I never do anything about it.
And when I do, I stuff up.
But part of me wants to stuff everything up now.
So when it gets to the point where it matters,
there's nothing left to stuff up.
And I get it right.
I have my doubts that this is what I've lived for.
This strange warp of the real me, and the me I pretend to be
OK, so it's not entirely a pretence...
Actually, it is now
Everything's a pretence now
And I have no idea why the hell everything stuffed up.
But it did.
Shit happens.
I'm always gonna try again tomorrow
Because, otherwise, I'm just giving up
And sure, I've always been a quitter
But I'm gonna change that
Yesterday, I made a wish for everything to stay the same
After every wish,
for everything to change,
I finally want it to stay
Not that I'm happy
Just that I know it's gonna get so much worse.
Can you imagine the beauty of such a world?
A world of kindness?
When everyone was nice to each other?
Let's ALL be nice to each other
OKAY?
No, that will never happen
People will always have prejudice
People will always fight
But people will always smile
Some dreams never get realised
Some hopes never get their chance,
Some aspirations hide away, and
Some wishes are never spoken
Then again, some fires never burn out
I cannot change the world; but I can change myself!
No one looks at the sky enough anymore
I do a lot of looking at the sky
I do a lot of wishing
Sure, I'm crazy,
sure, I'm a dreamer
But I smile more than you
And maybe I'll never be as happy as you
But I feel infinite
And until you look at the sky
You'll never know what that's like
And there are a lot of people who never knock down my walls
There are a lot of people who are kept away by walls
Break them!
If this blog has taught me anything,
it's that I don't mind people seeing my mind
I want you to ask questions
I want you to tell secrets
Because it's us against the world
And I think we can win <33
And I am a lot of things
I think my drama assignment taught me that
Sure, it made me realise the things I hate about myself
It made me realise that I don't know myself
But it made me realise what I'm not
So I'm that little bit closer to discovering what I am
So I'm going to love myself
And I'm going to love everyone else
Even the ones that don't love themselves
And I'm going to teach you all a lesson about love
And I will love you unconditionally
And I will love myself unconditionally
They say "treat others as you would like to be treated"
Don't you deserve the same treatment?
Sunday, 29 March 2009
What hurts the most...
I can't believe you think you're helping.
I can't believe you're doing it again.
You hurt me so much.
You've always hurt me.
You do things without wondering how I will feel about it.
Or you think I will be okay with it.
I try for you, I try to be strong.
I tell you that it's not hurting, that I'm okay.
So you push it "are you still okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine" Why the hell are you doing this to me?
"Are you happy now?"
"I'm always happy when with you" How can you think that?
"So there's something I've been meaning to tell you"
"Oh, really? What?" Don't hurt me, please don't hurt me.
"Oh my gosh, remember _____?"
"Oh yeah, what happened?" That destroyed me.
But I will always put up with it for you.
I will let you hurt me time after time, and I will be okay with it.
Because you are the person that took away my smile.
And you are the only one with the power to give it back.
And I always justify why I do things for you,
For everyone else, I'm fine
And for you, I feel as though I have to explain myself.
Because you never do anything for me.
i will always care about you
it's just what i do
and i will never give up
...please don't give up on me.
And what hurts the most is that you will read this and either A) have no idea it's about you, or B) actually take a hint and get it, but ask "oh, this isn't about me is it? i never meant to hurt you, really" and i will say "of course not, i'd never hate you that much"
but it is.
all of it.
i'm just too scared you'll hurt me more if you knew i thought this.
I can't believe you're doing it again.
You hurt me so much.
You've always hurt me.
You do things without wondering how I will feel about it.
Or you think I will be okay with it.
I try for you, I try to be strong.
I tell you that it's not hurting, that I'm okay.
So you push it "are you still okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine" Why the hell are you doing this to me?
"Are you happy now?"
"I'm always happy when with you" How can you think that?
"So there's something I've been meaning to tell you"
"Oh, really? What?" Don't hurt me, please don't hurt me.
"Oh my gosh, remember _____?"
"Oh yeah, what happened?" That destroyed me.
But I will always put up with it for you.
I will let you hurt me time after time, and I will be okay with it.
Because you are the person that took away my smile.
And you are the only one with the power to give it back.
And I always justify why I do things for you,
For everyone else, I'm fine
And for you, I feel as though I have to explain myself.
Because you never do anything for me.
i will always care about you
it's just what i do
and i will never give up
...please don't give up on me.
And what hurts the most is that you will read this and either A) have no idea it's about you, or B) actually take a hint and get it, but ask "oh, this isn't about me is it? i never meant to hurt you, really" and i will say "of course not, i'd never hate you that much"
but it is.
all of it.
i'm just too scared you'll hurt me more if you knew i thought this.
Daily procrastination.
one - was it not enough for you to be the source of my smile all of friday? you had to make me smile all of today as well, thankyou. (i don't know your name :L)
TWO - YOU MADE ME CRY. AGAIN. YOU ALWAYS DO THIS, YOU ALWAYS ANNOY ME, AND AT THE END OF THE DAY, I COME BACK FOR ROUND TWO.
three - can't you just accept that i care about you, and what i want is what's best for you? must you question everything i say?
four - i miss you.
OK, for the past 17 blogposts, the title has been six words long. Is this a coincidence? No. Am I cool? Of course. (Well that was random) Anyways, these six worders are all taken from my old smithteens account. Yes, I'm very awesome like that. (I think I'm just in one of my moods)
-----
Today, I rediscovered neopets. You see, I gave my account to a friend (I somehow remembered the username and password first go.) (Oh yeah, that's just my memory :P) And I was looking through the site, and I started playing cheat. I remember when I used to play everyday =)
-----
Haha, I just totally forgot I was blogging. Because I'm having too much fun playing cheat, and talking on MSN =). But I do have stuff to say. Figure out which is about you.
1. I'm not ready to actually tell you my story yet, and you joke about your own, making me feel as if I should. I promise though, I will tell you.
2. Gah! You made me cry again. But I guess, that's what you're good at, right?
3. I'm sorry that I brushed you off so easily, I just find it hard to discuss things so close to the old me.
4. Your hug made my day on Friday =)
5. Your smile made my day on Thursday =)
6. Your dance video on youtube made my day yesterday =)
7. Thankyou for agreeing to come along, I'm sorry for freaking you out :L.
8. I know what you're going through is hard, and I'm trying to be there for you, but that's hard for me.
9. You're not ready for this stupid game we're playing. I didn't realise. I'm sorry.
10. Thankyou for making me smile. You will have no idea that this is about you. :L. But you made me laugh, and you deserve a mention.
11. Do you feel that? That's us getting closer. I love it!
-----
Postsecrets came out today!
-----
I have blogged 34 times this month (pathetic much?)
My record is 38.
I only have 2 more days.
I'm not gonna make a record.
I blame camp =(
-----
What a drank this morning: Water at work. Only time I ever drink water.
I have been procrastinating from: 4:00pm until now.
Weather at my house right now: Overcast
Cold sensation down my spine? No, but my left arm is a little chilly.
-----
I didn't dream about nocturnal cannibals last night.
I'm very very glad about that.
I don't remember much of what I dreamt about.
Just that my alarm was loud =(
but good song (Y)
-----
i am totally procrastinating right now.
ah well.
i will leave now. with a memoir.
I promise we'll be someday's dreamers - MirrukuChii
-----
And, of course, a song.
I think I've told you guys how awesome the music at my work is, and trust me, it's no bullshit. This is one of the awesome songs my work plays all the time. It is called When I Look To The Sky and it is by Train. And Charlie wont let me c + p into blogger. :S. So here is the chorus:
When I look to the sky
Something tells me you're here with me
And you make everything alright
And when I feel like I'm lost
Something tells me you're here with me
And I can always find my way when you are here
TWO - YOU MADE ME CRY. AGAIN. YOU ALWAYS DO THIS, YOU ALWAYS ANNOY ME, AND AT THE END OF THE DAY, I COME BACK FOR ROUND TWO.
three - can't you just accept that i care about you, and what i want is what's best for you? must you question everything i say?
four - i miss you.
OK, for the past 17 blogposts, the title has been six words long. Is this a coincidence? No. Am I cool? Of course. (Well that was random) Anyways, these six worders are all taken from my old smithteens account. Yes, I'm very awesome like that. (I think I'm just in one of my moods)
-----
Today, I rediscovered neopets. You see, I gave my account to a friend (I somehow remembered the username and password first go.) (Oh yeah, that's just my memory :P) And I was looking through the site, and I started playing cheat. I remember when I used to play everyday =)
-----
Haha, I just totally forgot I was blogging. Because I'm having too much fun playing cheat, and talking on MSN =). But I do have stuff to say. Figure out which is about you.
1. I'm not ready to actually tell you my story yet, and you joke about your own, making me feel as if I should. I promise though, I will tell you.
2. Gah! You made me cry again. But I guess, that's what you're good at, right?
3. I'm sorry that I brushed you off so easily, I just find it hard to discuss things so close to the old me.
4. Your hug made my day on Friday =)
5. Your smile made my day on Thursday =)
6. Your dance video on youtube made my day yesterday =)
7. Thankyou for agreeing to come along, I'm sorry for freaking you out :L.
8. I know what you're going through is hard, and I'm trying to be there for you, but that's hard for me.
9. You're not ready for this stupid game we're playing. I didn't realise. I'm sorry.
10. Thankyou for making me smile. You will have no idea that this is about you. :L. But you made me laugh, and you deserve a mention.
11. Do you feel that? That's us getting closer. I love it!
-----
Postsecrets came out today!
-----
I have blogged 34 times this month (pathetic much?)
My record is 38.
I only have 2 more days.
I'm not gonna make a record.
I blame camp =(
-----
What a drank this morning: Water at work. Only time I ever drink water.
I have been procrastinating from: 4:00pm until now.
Weather at my house right now: Overcast
Cold sensation down my spine? No, but my left arm is a little chilly.
-----
I didn't dream about nocturnal cannibals last night.
I'm very very glad about that.
I don't remember much of what I dreamt about.
Just that my alarm was loud =(
but good song (Y)
-----
i am totally procrastinating right now.
ah well.
i will leave now. with a memoir.
I promise we'll be someday's dreamers - MirrukuChii
-----
And, of course, a song.
I think I've told you guys how awesome the music at my work is, and trust me, it's no bullshit. This is one of the awesome songs my work plays all the time. It is called When I Look To The Sky and it is by Train. And Charlie wont let me c + p into blogger. :S. So here is the chorus:
When I look to the sky
Something tells me you're here with me
And you make everything alright
And when I feel like I'm lost
Something tells me you're here with me
And I can always find my way when you are here
Saturday, 28 March 2009
Makes me wonder how YOU feel.
Candy says: In Language Arts today, we had to make a list of things that we were currently 'currently wondering about'... make your own 'i wonder' list.
Ask and thou shalt receive (or something along those lines).
I wonder:
* what 1337 speak is
* where lisa went when she just signed out and in on messenger
* why i am not studying as i should be
* what time i have to wake up tomorrow
* how the red hot chili peppers wrote a song as good as the zephyr song
* why azlyrics.com doesn't have lyrics to the zephyr song
* what everyone of my readers are doing right now, as i write this.
* when my next memoir feature will be
* how i'll go in ipt on moday
* how busy work will be tomorrow
* what mark we got for our pe assm
* when i will get a chance to see Dreamgirls (i watched eddie murphy's bio last night)
* who chooses the music at work, they always play good songs
* where the rest of my family is
* how many people will actually read this whole post
* why jenny wasnt replying on msn before
* how many people are watching the little of luna that is in the sky right now
* when imissyou will return to smithteens
* when rachel from smithteens will email me back
* how i went in the drama assm
* when the person im stalking will realise im stalking them
* how many people read my blog
* why i have 95 westlife songs on my computer of only 1342 songs.
* how huge a music library i would have if i loved all bands as much as westlife
* how much i have ripped off westlife by illegally dling all their music
* why i have heard 3 westlife songs in a row
* if anyone else thinks enough to have a list of their own this big
* how bored you would have to be to submit a post for urban dictionary
* who thought up the idea of urban dictionary
* why i am so tired
* what it would be like to meet surviving myself in real life
* if i will ever meet any smithteeners other than those who ive introduced to it
* how the hell im gonna pass IPT if i keep procrastinating
* why purle lollies always taste so good
* why smithteens will never bloody feature me
* why red lollies always taste like panadol
* why im eating lollies when i havent had lunch yet
* if ill just wait till dinner now
* if i even had breakfast
* why charlie wont load smithteens
* when i will actually give up on this list
* when i will stop smithteening
* if smithteening is a better or worse word than tweeting
* if i will figure out that enough is enough
* how many smithteeners are online now
* how many high5s i would have gotten yesterday if i was a better counter
* why my head hurts so much
* why my stomach hurts so much
* why my leg hurts so much
* how i could possibly have wondered all this in a matter of minutes
Ok, that will do.
Charlie still won't copy + paste into blogs so no lyrics.
Sorry for posting so much Corinne, but if you get on MSN ill send you some good study notes =)
Ask and thou shalt receive (or something along those lines).
I wonder:
* what 1337 speak is
* where lisa went when she just signed out and in on messenger
* why i am not studying as i should be
* what time i have to wake up tomorrow
* how the red hot chili peppers wrote a song as good as the zephyr song
* why azlyrics.com doesn't have lyrics to the zephyr song
* what everyone of my readers are doing right now, as i write this.
* when my next memoir feature will be
* how i'll go in ipt on moday
* how busy work will be tomorrow
* what mark we got for our pe assm
* when i will get a chance to see Dreamgirls (i watched eddie murphy's bio last night)
* who chooses the music at work, they always play good songs
* where the rest of my family is
* how many people will actually read this whole post
* why jenny wasnt replying on msn before
* how many people are watching the little of luna that is in the sky right now
* when imissyou will return to smithteens
* when rachel from smithteens will email me back
* how i went in the drama assm
* when the person im stalking will realise im stalking them
* how many people read my blog
* why i have 95 westlife songs on my computer of only 1342 songs.
* how huge a music library i would have if i loved all bands as much as westlife
* how much i have ripped off westlife by illegally dling all their music
* why i have heard 3 westlife songs in a row
* if anyone else thinks enough to have a list of their own this big
* how bored you would have to be to submit a post for urban dictionary
* who thought up the idea of urban dictionary
* why i am so tired
* what it would be like to meet surviving myself in real life
* if i will ever meet any smithteeners other than those who ive introduced to it
* how the hell im gonna pass IPT if i keep procrastinating
* why purle lollies always taste so good
* why smithteens will never bloody feature me
* why red lollies always taste like panadol
* why im eating lollies when i havent had lunch yet
* if ill just wait till dinner now
* if i even had breakfast
* why charlie wont load smithteens
* when i will actually give up on this list
* when i will stop smithteening
* if smithteening is a better or worse word than tweeting
* if i will figure out that enough is enough
* how many smithteeners are online now
* how many high5s i would have gotten yesterday if i was a better counter
* why my head hurts so much
* why my stomach hurts so much
* why my leg hurts so much
* how i could possibly have wondered all this in a matter of minutes
Ok, that will do.
Charlie still won't copy + paste into blogs so no lyrics.
Sorry for posting so much Corinne, but if you get on MSN ill send you some good study notes =)
Your cold stare haunts my dreams
I just remembered what I dreamt about last night. and it's so hilarious, that I thought I'd share it. Dreams over the past few days:
1. The usual - I was sitting there watching Luna. That's a recurring dream of mine. Especially at around the new moon, because I can't see her, I dream about her. She gets bigger and smaler, and goes through an entire lunar cycle in a few minutes.
2. Nocturnal cannibals. - The world someone got turned all crazy, and everyone turned to stone, and stone came alive, and I was friends with a man of gold, as well as some strange species of nocturnal cannibals. They ate people. But not me. And then the world went back to normal (I don't remember the details, okay?) and I went to visit the cannibals, wondering if they'd remember me, and they did. And I stayed with them for a while, until I woke up.
3. Hunaiza's school shoes - I also dreamt about my school jumper. I don't quite understand this, but clearly, I spend too much time at school. And too much time thinking
4. Bryan - The other day I saw Bryan for the first time in forever. And then I had a dream about him. And Osmond. And I don't remember very much of it, just that, the next day, I saw Bryan and Osmond together, and I got major deja vu, and realised I'd had a dream about them.
Look, you already knew I was crazy!
1. The usual - I was sitting there watching Luna. That's a recurring dream of mine. Especially at around the new moon, because I can't see her, I dream about her. She gets bigger and smaler, and goes through an entire lunar cycle in a few minutes.
2. Nocturnal cannibals. - The world someone got turned all crazy, and everyone turned to stone, and stone came alive, and I was friends with a man of gold, as well as some strange species of nocturnal cannibals. They ate people. But not me. And then the world went back to normal (I don't remember the details, okay?) and I went to visit the cannibals, wondering if they'd remember me, and they did. And I stayed with them for a while, until I woke up.
3. Hunaiza's school shoes - I also dreamt about my school jumper. I don't quite understand this, but clearly, I spend too much time at school. And too much time thinking
4. Bryan - The other day I saw Bryan for the first time in forever. And then I had a dream about him. And Osmond. And I don't remember very much of it, just that, the next day, I saw Bryan and Osmond together, and I got major deja vu, and realised I'd had a dream about them.
Look, you already knew I was crazy!
Give me something to believe in
one - i don't tell you that you quote my dreams. i just smile to myself and go along with it, knowing that it makes things worse and better. but the better is worth the worse.
TWO - I TOLD THEM HOW LONG IT HAD BEEN SICE I'VE GENUINELY SMILED. I TOLD THEM I COULD PROBABLY GIVE IT TO THEM IN DAYS. THEY TOLD ME THAT ONE DAY I WOULD SMILE AGAIN. THEY CAN'T SEE HOW BROKEN I AM.
three - walking around that place was surreal. expecting time to just disapear, and for everything to go back to those few moments. for that feeling again. but time didn't budge, it ticked on as it does...
four - i admit that i have no idea whatsoever what i'm doing. but i'm doing something,i'm not just sitting down and taking it. so this may be wrong, or stupid, but i'm on a journey.
five - stop telling me to do whatever i want. life will never be that simple. tell me to be happy, or tell me to be me, but you don't get it both ways.
Now do we all believe that I'm a bad blogger? :L
I'm very sorry, I was definately gonna blog yesterday after school, and then... I went memoiring, and then had to work.
And today, well, you see, yesterday I remembered that my Half yearly for IPT is on Monday (yes, I'm the only one in the world who can forget something that important) so then, I SHOULD be study. (We all saw the emphasis on SHOULD, right?) But this is more fun, and makes me more relaxed. And... studiable. Wow, I am such a bullshit artist.
Anyways, I would like to share with you things that I have learnt about myself and the world in the past few... days? weeks? i dunno, something.
(Note: I have 5 thingimos at the top, simply because there is 5 things I wanted to say)
1. Girls can be really bitchy. I mean, REALLY bitchy. Not that guys can't be. Just that guys find it easier to be friends than girls do, because guys can be friends with someone they're not totally friends with, and it's ok, where as girls need to like everyone in their group, or else all hell breaks loose. You may have noticed me spending more time with my guy friends than girl friends lately, and I think this is the reason. Maybe.
2. I am physicaly incapable of having a crush on someone. I usually love them. I'm like that with a lot of things, it's all or nothing (good song ;)) which in a lot of way is a good thing, but sometimes it's not. If you can understand that. you understand that, right? Gah.
3. I think that relationships between people of different religions never last. Not that it's impossible, just that usually you have different wants and needs. This makes my life very impossible, as I am "religiously confused". I don't believe in heaven or hell. But I believe there's some sort of creator. But I don't believe that everything is predetermined, that's just the easy way out. I think that you have to work for what you want to achieve. But I pray, still, to whoever this creator may be. And I ask God for advice, but I think my conscience usually answers. See?? Imagine trying to find someone as confused as me.
4. If someone cheated on me I wouldn't care. Haha, I found that out at camp. Because I believe it is possible to love more than one person at once, and to love them for different reasons. So I wouldn't mind if someone cheated on me, as long as they still loved me, or, at least, liked me. Yes, you guys probably all think I'm silly, too, and I probably am...
We shall continue the blog with memoirs =)
I feel emptiness. And it burns. - Kodia
Emptiness does that to you sometimes. It gets sore. You feel weak and inadequate, and you definately feel empty. But why do we feel this way? How can someone be empty? Why is someone empty? And why does it burn?
I'm following this star to infinity - October
I watched stardust again yesterday, and it's still the same as the first time, it's still... annoyingly similar to my life, just more beautiful, and ending with a 'happily ever after'. But I used to glow like that. Out of control with beautiful emotions. And my glowing left me vulnerable, because everyone else could see what I couldn't.
It made sense. Too much sense. - coulda.been.a.comet
It sounds like "it's quiet. too quiet", but it's actually true. because when things make a lot of sense they're usually not true. oh yes, life is wonderfully ironic.
Rest of my life started today - prettystrangers
Oh how inspirational. But the rest of my life did start today. Everyday I make a concious decision to rewrite everything. And everything is rewritten from today. Speaking of rewriting, I wrote more of my story when I was in QLD that I still haven't blogged. This from the girl who hasn't contacted her books for school yet.
I really did wish for you - carmabelle135
Everyday I wish for you. Everyday. (Excpet the day before drama assm was due, because it took priority). And everyday I wake up to another disappointment. But I like the hope. And who knows, maybe i I get disappointed enough, I'll give up. Actually, I doubt that a lot. But it doesn't matter. I'll still wish for you. Everyday.
Ok, well, IPT isn't going to study itself, and I've spent too long doing this.
Goodbye all, I'll see you under the moon.
TWO - I TOLD THEM HOW LONG IT HAD BEEN SICE I'VE GENUINELY SMILED. I TOLD THEM I COULD PROBABLY GIVE IT TO THEM IN DAYS. THEY TOLD ME THAT ONE DAY I WOULD SMILE AGAIN. THEY CAN'T SEE HOW BROKEN I AM.
three - walking around that place was surreal. expecting time to just disapear, and for everything to go back to those few moments. for that feeling again. but time didn't budge, it ticked on as it does...
four - i admit that i have no idea whatsoever what i'm doing. but i'm doing something,i'm not just sitting down and taking it. so this may be wrong, or stupid, but i'm on a journey.
five - stop telling me to do whatever i want. life will never be that simple. tell me to be happy, or tell me to be me, but you don't get it both ways.
Now do we all believe that I'm a bad blogger? :L
I'm very sorry, I was definately gonna blog yesterday after school, and then... I went memoiring, and then had to work.
And today, well, you see, yesterday I remembered that my Half yearly for IPT is on Monday (yes, I'm the only one in the world who can forget something that important) so then, I SHOULD be study. (We all saw the emphasis on SHOULD, right?) But this is more fun, and makes me more relaxed. And... studiable. Wow, I am such a bullshit artist.
Anyways, I would like to share with you things that I have learnt about myself and the world in the past few... days? weeks? i dunno, something.
(Note: I have 5 thingimos at the top, simply because there is 5 things I wanted to say)
1. Girls can be really bitchy. I mean, REALLY bitchy. Not that guys can't be. Just that guys find it easier to be friends than girls do, because guys can be friends with someone they're not totally friends with, and it's ok, where as girls need to like everyone in their group, or else all hell breaks loose. You may have noticed me spending more time with my guy friends than girl friends lately, and I think this is the reason. Maybe.
2. I am physicaly incapable of having a crush on someone. I usually love them. I'm like that with a lot of things, it's all or nothing (good song ;)) which in a lot of way is a good thing, but sometimes it's not. If you can understand that. you understand that, right? Gah.
3. I think that relationships between people of different religions never last. Not that it's impossible, just that usually you have different wants and needs. This makes my life very impossible, as I am "religiously confused". I don't believe in heaven or hell. But I believe there's some sort of creator. But I don't believe that everything is predetermined, that's just the easy way out. I think that you have to work for what you want to achieve. But I pray, still, to whoever this creator may be. And I ask God for advice, but I think my conscience usually answers. See?? Imagine trying to find someone as confused as me.
4. If someone cheated on me I wouldn't care. Haha, I found that out at camp. Because I believe it is possible to love more than one person at once, and to love them for different reasons. So I wouldn't mind if someone cheated on me, as long as they still loved me, or, at least, liked me. Yes, you guys probably all think I'm silly, too, and I probably am...
We shall continue the blog with memoirs =)
I feel emptiness. And it burns. - Kodia
Emptiness does that to you sometimes. It gets sore. You feel weak and inadequate, and you definately feel empty. But why do we feel this way? How can someone be empty? Why is someone empty? And why does it burn?
I'm following this star to infinity - October
I watched stardust again yesterday, and it's still the same as the first time, it's still... annoyingly similar to my life, just more beautiful, and ending with a 'happily ever after'. But I used to glow like that. Out of control with beautiful emotions. And my glowing left me vulnerable, because everyone else could see what I couldn't.
It made sense. Too much sense. - coulda.been.a.comet
It sounds like "it's quiet. too quiet", but it's actually true. because when things make a lot of sense they're usually not true. oh yes, life is wonderfully ironic.
Rest of my life started today - prettystrangers
Oh how inspirational. But the rest of my life did start today. Everyday I make a concious decision to rewrite everything. And everything is rewritten from today. Speaking of rewriting, I wrote more of my story when I was in QLD that I still haven't blogged. This from the girl who hasn't contacted her books for school yet.
I really did wish for you - carmabelle135
Everyday I wish for you. Everyday. (Excpet the day before drama assm was due, because it took priority). And everyday I wake up to another disappointment. But I like the hope. And who knows, maybe i I get disappointed enough, I'll give up. Actually, I doubt that a lot. But it doesn't matter. I'll still wish for you. Everyday.
Ok, well, IPT isn't going to study itself, and I've spent too long doing this.
Goodbye all, I'll see you under the moon.
Thursday, 26 March 2009
I have never been strong enough
Yes, this is the first chance I've had to blog in forever.
one - everything is changing, everything is morphing, i don't know what i'm doing, but i like that. it's like i'm just along for the ride, i'm not in contorl. although it's very frightening, it also means i don't have as much responsibility.
TWO - OH WHAT A WONDERFUL THING BRUTAL HONESTY IS. I WISH PEOPLE WEREMORE HONEST WITH ME. I CAN NEVER TELL IF SOMEONE IS SAYING SOMETHING JUST TO MAKE ME FEEL GOOD, OR IF THEY ACTUALLY MEAN IT.
three - i should probably not be on my computer in the storm, in case it short circuits or something, Death By Computer seems like an interesting way to go, though.
four - smithteens survived our first fight this week. but we had casualties. imissyou and Cheru have both left, and imissyou and sunonarainyday are no longer friends. they've been best friends for 8 years.
Huh.
I've been emailing rachel at smithteens. I feel so important. :)
anyways, blog... something to say...
dammit i dont have anything
you know, my harddrive is split in 3 now :L
C drive - mine
E drive - mums
F drive - old stuff
haha, my usb is H drive. how ridiculous.
-----
my msn is so screwy. it makes crappy noises. and i dont have a pm or dp. WHAT THE HELL. i swear, go back to NORMAL charlie! i miss you! i know i never told you enough how much i loved you! but i did!
-----
Disadvantages of being awake at midnight:
- you realise you've missed 11:11, and that's one less wish you will ever get to make
- you understand that the maximum amount of sleep you will possibly get is 6 and a half hours, and the possibility of even getting that is looking slim
- you can hear your mother on your computer, and you're thinking "dammit, i wanna check my emails"
- love song dedications is drawing to a close, and now you have nothing to listen to as you re-attempt sleep
- the stars outside your window that you are wishing on instead of 11:11 that you missed, are getting covered up by clouds before you get to the end of your almost endless wish.
- you feel sick. and tired. and there's nothing you can do about it.
-----
I woke up this morning and decided that I wasn't going to school
My conscience had other plans and somehow coaxed me out of my bed and into the shower. after this i decided i may as well go to school. so i did. it was at school when i discovered WHY my conscience did this. it didnt want me to miss judys bday. thankyou darling conscience.
oh my gosh. i should so name it.
hmm, it's female. defiately. and it's name starts with E, L, K, N or D.
(Don't ask me how I know, I just do)
i cant think of the right name though...
-----
Hmm, he'd probably tell me off for writing this, but this is so hilarious, it's what someone said to me yesterday
Him: "You know why you've never seen me smile?"
Me: "Why?"
Him: "Because you can't see my face when you hug me"
-----
Oh shit.
I have to say this.
Not here. But I'll write it here anyway.
DAMMIT! I didn't mean it like that! I didn't mean to hurt you! And I especially didn't mean to make you think that. But what I meant was, it wasn't fair for me to give myself hope. And that's the only way I could do it. I know it hurt you, it hurt me too. But, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?
-----
its amazing that in an instant everything changes. one little jolt, and suddenly, you'll never be the same again. but, when things keep changing, there comes a point when you get scared as well, when you want to stop dancing, but your feet move. and the music is so beautiful, and the tune is so catchy, that you can't help but continue the steps. and your mind says "are you crazy? you're dancing with the devil" and you say "but at least someone will dance with me"
-----
I did it again. I started questioning everything. Who I am, and how long I've been that person. I know this isn't the real me. But I like her enough to keep her around, at east for a little. I think what I want is a blend of the two. The blend that you brought out in me. The conversations that made me feel amazing. That made me love myself. That me.
-----
I still scream at myself when I'm home alone. Trying to figure out what the hell is going on in my head. I give my opinions some space to move, and I watch them. They have no idea what the hell I'm doing either, but we all have space, and we all learn to respect each other.
Dammit, I want the other mes back. This one changed too much. I've never missed myself before. But I do now. I don't like this person. The one that people give strange looks. And allude to things beyond their knowledge. They define me by one of me. And they have forgotten her. I don't want them to remember either. They don't deserve to.
-----
stupid charlie won't let me copy and paste (i know, it's not too difficult is it?) so i wrote this all out manually. yes, that is dedication. clearly, this song is awesome. READ!!
I have felt nothing in the world like this before
Now I'm missing you
And I'm wishing that you would come back through my door
Why did you have to go? You could have let me know
So now I'm all alone
Girl you couls have stayed
but you wouldn't give me a chance
with you not around its a little bit more than i can stand
and all my tears they keep running down my face
why did you turn away?
{Bridge}
so why does your pride make you run and hide?
are you that afraid of me?
but i know it's a lie what you keep inside
this is not how i want it to be
{Chorus}
so baby i will wait for you
cause i dont know what else i can do
don't tell me i ran out of time
if it takes the rest of my life
baby i will wait for you
if you think im fine it just aint true
i really need you in my life
no matter what i have to do, i'll wait for you
{Verse two}
it's been a long time since you called me
how could you forget about me?
you got me feeling crazy (crazy)
how can you walk away?
everything stays the same
i just can't do it baby
what will it take to make you come back?
girl i told you what it is and it just aint like that
why can't you look at me? you're still in love with me
don't leave me crying
{Bridge}
Baby why can't we just, just start over again
Get it back to the way it was
If you give me a chance I can love you right
But you're telling me it won't be enough
{Chorus}
so baby i will wait for you
cause i don't know what else i can do
don't tell me i ran out of time
if it takes the rest of my life
baby i will wait for you
if you think i'm fine it just aint true
i really need you in my life
no matter what i have to do i'll wait for you
{Bridge}
so why does your pride make you run and hide
are you that afrais of me?
but i know it's a lie what you're keeping from inside
that is not how you want it to be
baby i will wait for you
baby i will wait for you
if it's the last thing i do
{Chorus}
baby i will wait for you
cause i don't know what else i can do
don't tell me i ran out of time
if it takes the rest of my life
baby i will wait for you
if you think i'm fine it just aint true
i really need you in my life
no matter what i have to do i'll wait for you
i'll be waiting.
one - everything is changing, everything is morphing, i don't know what i'm doing, but i like that. it's like i'm just along for the ride, i'm not in contorl. although it's very frightening, it also means i don't have as much responsibility.
TWO - OH WHAT A WONDERFUL THING BRUTAL HONESTY IS. I WISH PEOPLE WEREMORE HONEST WITH ME. I CAN NEVER TELL IF SOMEONE IS SAYING SOMETHING JUST TO MAKE ME FEEL GOOD, OR IF THEY ACTUALLY MEAN IT.
three - i should probably not be on my computer in the storm, in case it short circuits or something, Death By Computer seems like an interesting way to go, though.
four - smithteens survived our first fight this week. but we had casualties. imissyou and Cheru have both left, and imissyou and sunonarainyday are no longer friends. they've been best friends for 8 years.
Huh.
I've been emailing rachel at smithteens. I feel so important. :)
anyways, blog... something to say...
dammit i dont have anything
you know, my harddrive is split in 3 now :L
C drive - mine
E drive - mums
F drive - old stuff
haha, my usb is H drive. how ridiculous.
-----
my msn is so screwy. it makes crappy noises. and i dont have a pm or dp. WHAT THE HELL. i swear, go back to NORMAL charlie! i miss you! i know i never told you enough how much i loved you! but i did!
-----
Disadvantages of being awake at midnight:
- you realise you've missed 11:11, and that's one less wish you will ever get to make
- you understand that the maximum amount of sleep you will possibly get is 6 and a half hours, and the possibility of even getting that is looking slim
- you can hear your mother on your computer, and you're thinking "dammit, i wanna check my emails"
- love song dedications is drawing to a close, and now you have nothing to listen to as you re-attempt sleep
- the stars outside your window that you are wishing on instead of 11:11 that you missed, are getting covered up by clouds before you get to the end of your almost endless wish.
- you feel sick. and tired. and there's nothing you can do about it.
-----
I woke up this morning and decided that I wasn't going to school
My conscience had other plans and somehow coaxed me out of my bed and into the shower. after this i decided i may as well go to school. so i did. it was at school when i discovered WHY my conscience did this. it didnt want me to miss judys bday. thankyou darling conscience.
oh my gosh. i should so name it.
hmm, it's female. defiately. and it's name starts with E, L, K, N or D.
(Don't ask me how I know, I just do)
i cant think of the right name though...
-----
Hmm, he'd probably tell me off for writing this, but this is so hilarious, it's what someone said to me yesterday
Him: "You know why you've never seen me smile?"
Me: "Why?"
Him: "Because you can't see my face when you hug me"
-----
Oh shit.
I have to say this.
Not here. But I'll write it here anyway.
DAMMIT! I didn't mean it like that! I didn't mean to hurt you! And I especially didn't mean to make you think that. But what I meant was, it wasn't fair for me to give myself hope. And that's the only way I could do it. I know it hurt you, it hurt me too. But, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?
-----
its amazing that in an instant everything changes. one little jolt, and suddenly, you'll never be the same again. but, when things keep changing, there comes a point when you get scared as well, when you want to stop dancing, but your feet move. and the music is so beautiful, and the tune is so catchy, that you can't help but continue the steps. and your mind says "are you crazy? you're dancing with the devil" and you say "but at least someone will dance with me"
-----
I did it again. I started questioning everything. Who I am, and how long I've been that person. I know this isn't the real me. But I like her enough to keep her around, at east for a little. I think what I want is a blend of the two. The blend that you brought out in me. The conversations that made me feel amazing. That made me love myself. That me.
-----
I still scream at myself when I'm home alone. Trying to figure out what the hell is going on in my head. I give my opinions some space to move, and I watch them. They have no idea what the hell I'm doing either, but we all have space, and we all learn to respect each other.
Dammit, I want the other mes back. This one changed too much. I've never missed myself before. But I do now. I don't like this person. The one that people give strange looks. And allude to things beyond their knowledge. They define me by one of me. And they have forgotten her. I don't want them to remember either. They don't deserve to.
-----
stupid charlie won't let me copy and paste (i know, it's not too difficult is it?) so i wrote this all out manually. yes, that is dedication. clearly, this song is awesome. READ!!
I have felt nothing in the world like this before
Now I'm missing you
And I'm wishing that you would come back through my door
Why did you have to go? You could have let me know
So now I'm all alone
Girl you couls have stayed
but you wouldn't give me a chance
with you not around its a little bit more than i can stand
and all my tears they keep running down my face
why did you turn away?
{Bridge}
so why does your pride make you run and hide?
are you that afraid of me?
but i know it's a lie what you keep inside
this is not how i want it to be
{Chorus}
so baby i will wait for you
cause i dont know what else i can do
don't tell me i ran out of time
if it takes the rest of my life
baby i will wait for you
if you think im fine it just aint true
i really need you in my life
no matter what i have to do, i'll wait for you
{Verse two}
it's been a long time since you called me
how could you forget about me?
you got me feeling crazy (crazy)
how can you walk away?
everything stays the same
i just can't do it baby
what will it take to make you come back?
girl i told you what it is and it just aint like that
why can't you look at me? you're still in love with me
don't leave me crying
{Bridge}
Baby why can't we just, just start over again
Get it back to the way it was
If you give me a chance I can love you right
But you're telling me it won't be enough
{Chorus}
so baby i will wait for you
cause i don't know what else i can do
don't tell me i ran out of time
if it takes the rest of my life
baby i will wait for you
if you think i'm fine it just aint true
i really need you in my life
no matter what i have to do i'll wait for you
{Bridge}
so why does your pride make you run and hide
are you that afrais of me?
but i know it's a lie what you're keeping from inside
that is not how you want it to be
baby i will wait for you
baby i will wait for you
if it's the last thing i do
{Chorus}
baby i will wait for you
cause i don't know what else i can do
don't tell me i ran out of time
if it takes the rest of my life
baby i will wait for you
if you think i'm fine it just aint true
i really need you in my life
no matter what i have to do i'll wait for you
i'll be waiting.
Tuesday, 24 March 2009
Why can't I believe even myself?
I'm not actually working today because I swapped my shift with Nikki, but I don't have time to blog cuz NCIS is on.
updates:
- charlie is home, but still a little sick. he'll recover, i'm sure
- i lost my RAP this morning (no kidding) so i redid it in recess, and crossed my fingers that SOMEONE could read my writing. (again, no joke)
- performed dance in p2. Shailin was awesome! The rest of us? We... danced. :L But we got our message across so it should be okay
- i have recently had a number of epiphanies. including: who the hell am i? how can i do an assignment on a person i dont know? is this really who i am? is it worth lying to myself to be happy? if i hate fake people so much, how come im one of them?
- geo essay in p3 today. i only wrote 3 pages (shock horror!)(judy wrote over 5!). i think it almost made sense.
- i am getting very sick. but not sick enough to take tomorrow off school =(
- there is a buglet on my printer. my dad has identified him as a silverfish. he is IN my printer now. he may get smushded by something.
- my green chucks totally starred in a dance today that i missed. stupid RAP. but lisa filmed it, so i will eventually watch it
- rosa said that 33 people in our grade blog. i plan on finding and following all of them. this shall be fun.
- two very degrading things happened in drama today: jayson finished his assignment before i started mine; i cried in front of kolodziej. im not sure which is worse.
- i spent a great deal of time on MSN today for the first day in... forever. it was awesome
- charlie no longer lets me open multiple tabs of internet. this thoroughly pisses me off. dont tell Charlie though, he's finally being nice
and that concludes my today.
wow, a lot of stuff happened.
Haha, oh yeah, and welcome to my new readers ;) Must love Google, right?
Ciao
PS: I'll see you under the moon
updates:
- charlie is home, but still a little sick. he'll recover, i'm sure
- i lost my RAP this morning (no kidding) so i redid it in recess, and crossed my fingers that SOMEONE could read my writing. (again, no joke)
- performed dance in p2. Shailin was awesome! The rest of us? We... danced. :L But we got our message across so it should be okay
- i have recently had a number of epiphanies. including: who the hell am i? how can i do an assignment on a person i dont know? is this really who i am? is it worth lying to myself to be happy? if i hate fake people so much, how come im one of them?
- geo essay in p3 today. i only wrote 3 pages (shock horror!)(judy wrote over 5!). i think it almost made sense.
- i am getting very sick. but not sick enough to take tomorrow off school =(
- there is a buglet on my printer. my dad has identified him as a silverfish. he is IN my printer now. he may get smushded by something.
- my green chucks totally starred in a dance today that i missed. stupid RAP. but lisa filmed it, so i will eventually watch it
- rosa said that 33 people in our grade blog. i plan on finding and following all of them. this shall be fun.
- two very degrading things happened in drama today: jayson finished his assignment before i started mine; i cried in front of kolodziej. im not sure which is worse.
- i spent a great deal of time on MSN today for the first day in... forever. it was awesome
- charlie no longer lets me open multiple tabs of internet. this thoroughly pisses me off. dont tell Charlie though, he's finally being nice
and that concludes my today.
wow, a lot of stuff happened.
Haha, oh yeah, and welcome to my new readers ;) Must love Google, right?
Ciao
PS: I'll see you under the moon
Monday, 23 March 2009
Resloution: Smile everyday for no reason.
Today I had the weirdest conversation in that I was able to relate to someone in a way that I’ve haven’t been able to for a long time now. And it was a conversation with the randomest people ever. Random, because these are the people that, when someone asks you “are you friends with them?” it is social suicide to say yes.
Being a nonconformist, I say “yes, they’re actually really nice” and people look at me strangely before deciding that either A) I’m kidding or B) I’m just crazy. But this is no joke.
I hate it when you label someone before getting to know them. “Loser”, “geek”, “nerd”, “weird”, maybe if you took the time to talk to them, you’d realise that they are a nice person, and you can actually relate to them.
I know none of you will every change your already formed opinion of them, but maybe you should not form preconceived about anyone else, okay?
Anyways, getting back to my conversation. I was sitting in IPT, and there was no one at my table, so I went over to the other side of the room to scab food (BULLYING!), and somehow started talking to Victor and Cameron. Which turned into Victor, Cameron and Mango. Which turned into Victor, Cameron, Mango and Eric. Which turned into a lot of fun.
And I actually LEARNT today. So maybe they're a good influence :L. Either way, I enjoyed myself immensly, and used at least two big words, so now I'm happy.
In other news:
-Payne added a bit into the assm whilst I was on camp, and the class figured out how to do it today.
-Drama isn’t due until Wednesday, but I’m performing 3rd
-Dance is pretty much finished. Nowhere near as good as anyone else’s, but we’ll pass. Performing in periods 1/2 tomorrow, going 9th.
-Johnson editing my RAP in class today, so it should be good enough for tomorrow, am researching stuff for essay atm.
Yay for assignment overloads!!
Anyways, I'm going smithteening, ciao!
Being a nonconformist, I say “yes, they’re actually really nice” and people look at me strangely before deciding that either A) I’m kidding or B) I’m just crazy. But this is no joke.
I hate it when you label someone before getting to know them. “Loser”, “geek”, “nerd”, “weird”, maybe if you took the time to talk to them, you’d realise that they are a nice person, and you can actually relate to them.
I know none of you will every change your already formed opinion of them, but maybe you should not form preconceived about anyone else, okay?
Anyways, getting back to my conversation. I was sitting in IPT, and there was no one at my table, so I went over to the other side of the room to scab food (BULLYING!), and somehow started talking to Victor and Cameron. Which turned into Victor, Cameron and Mango. Which turned into Victor, Cameron, Mango and Eric. Which turned into a lot of fun.
And I actually LEARNT today. So maybe they're a good influence :L. Either way, I enjoyed myself immensly, and used at least two big words, so now I'm happy.
In other news:
-Payne added a bit into the assm whilst I was on camp, and the class figured out how to do it today.
-Drama isn’t due until Wednesday, but I’m performing 3rd
-Dance is pretty much finished. Nowhere near as good as anyone else’s, but we’ll pass. Performing in periods 1/2 tomorrow, going 9th.
-Johnson editing my RAP in class today, so it should be good enough for tomorrow, am researching stuff for essay atm.
Yay for assignment overloads!!
Anyways, I'm going smithteening, ciao!
Sunday, 22 March 2009
My world crumbles without its sun
I really don't have time to be writing this, I haven't caught up on memoirs from my time away at camp, and I need to do my entire drama assignment TODAY BEFORE 10:35, when I need to get ready for work (9 hours, oh joy) and there's stupid trackwork on the trainline, so it shall take me forever to get anywhere.
AND Charlie is in hospital because mum broke him, and there is a 40% chance I won't be able to retrieve the data, oh goody.
Plus, for some strange reason, I am in a REALLY crappy mood again, which I think is partly caused by the stress of the aformentioned things, as well as me questioning very major parts of myself which may or may not have something small or large to do with Wednesday night.
And, well, my family isn't so fabulous atm, (how unusual) but everything seems to be taken out on me or my sister, and thanks all the same, but I can't really take that right now.
So I won't blog again today, and tomorrow I'll probably be really busy, and Tuesday I'm working, so, see you Wednesday?
I wanna be free,
Like the bluebirds
flying by me
Like the waves out on
the blue sea.
If your love
has to tie me,
dont try me,
Say good-bye.
I wanna be free,
Dont say you love me
say you like me,
But when I need you
beside me,
Stay close
enough
to guide me,
confide in me,
Oh-oh-oh
I wanna hold yur hand,
Walk along the sand
Laughing in the sun,
Always having fun
Doing all those things
Without any strings
To tie me down.
I wanna be free,
Like the warm september wind, babe,
Say youll always be my friend, babe.
We can make it to the end, babe,
Again, babe, I gotta say;
I wanna be free
I wanna be free
I wanna be free
AND Charlie is in hospital because mum broke him, and there is a 40% chance I won't be able to retrieve the data, oh goody.
Plus, for some strange reason, I am in a REALLY crappy mood again, which I think is partly caused by the stress of the aformentioned things, as well as me questioning very major parts of myself which may or may not have something small or large to do with Wednesday night.
And, well, my family isn't so fabulous atm, (how unusual) but everything seems to be taken out on me or my sister, and thanks all the same, but I can't really take that right now.
So I won't blog again today, and tomorrow I'll probably be really busy, and Tuesday I'm working, so, see you Wednesday?
I wanna be free,
Like the bluebirds
flying by me
Like the waves out on
the blue sea.
If your love
has to tie me,
dont try me,
Say good-bye.
I wanna be free,
Dont say you love me
say you like me,
But when I need you
beside me,
Stay close
enough
to guide me,
confide in me,
Oh-oh-oh
I wanna hold yur hand,
Walk along the sand
Laughing in the sun,
Always having fun
Doing all those things
Without any strings
To tie me down.
I wanna be free,
Like the warm september wind, babe,
Say youll always be my friend, babe.
We can make it to the end, babe,
Again, babe, I gotta say;
I wanna be free
I wanna be free
I wanna be free
Friday, 20 March 2009
Prepared for anything. Well, except that.
OK, so I’m back from camp. But that’s pretty much a blog of its own. (Which I don’t have time for). I am very, very tired (thank you people who let me sleep on them today), but that does NOT mean that I will not blog.
Because, today was… eventful.
1. Giant swing. I am soo stupid. It’s like going on a roller coaster, or to the beach. You always forget that you hate it, so you do it, and you come off thinking “oh shit, that was dumb”. Well, the Giant Swing messed with my head. A lot. And it was very dumb of me to attempt it. BUT my year seveners had fun, (one of them admits that he DOES like me) (I love you William!!) and they hauled each other up there, and whinged about how uncomfortable the harnesses were. (Kearney: “Oh my, that feels fabulous, yeah” *pulls agonized face* “I need a seat life this for my living room”. *finishes swinging* “that tickled”)
2. Argument with friend. Only people at camp will understand this. I know I already said I’m sorry, but I really was joking, and I never meant to upset you, and I know you don’t recognise my sense of humour, but it was a joke. I didn’t mean it, okay? I am seriously sorry.
3. The song I got stuck in my head on the swings. The stupid stupid song. The one that, every time I swing again, will always pop into my head. The one that haunts me.
4. Being told the truth. Being trusted with it. Being confided in, not only because you needed someone to let it out to, but because you consider me a close friend. Thank you.
5. Bus being late. You see, my mum told me yesterday that if the bus got back to school just after 2 that she’d come and get me from school, and take me to uncle dally’s funeral. And then, apparently, some kid wasn’t on the bus, and we left, like, half an hour late, and I was crying so much man. (Thank you for your hug Corinne).
6. Crying even more. Realise I would still make it, rang my mum, and told her to pick me up from school. Then I had to get changed at school, and everyone’s like “Why are you wearing a dress?” and then my silly friends “You’re wearing red to a funeral?” YOU SILLIES. It is NOT mourning a death, it is celebrating a life. And I thought too much a lot, and everything made me cry.
7. Funeral. The service was beautiful. The way everyone spoke about Dal (his full name? Harold David Jourdain) was beautiful, and I saw relatives I’ve never met before, as well as people I haven’t seen in 10 years (and STILL remembered! What an impression). My family is amazing. Helen (the person I remembered) told me that if I ever wanted to run away from home, I could go live with her. =)
Because it fit so perfectly:
When I come to the end of the road
And the sun has set for me
I want no rites in a gloom-filled room.
Why cry for a soul set free?
Miss me a little--but not too long
And not with your head bowed low.
Remember the love that we once shared,
Miss me--but let me go.
For this is a journey that we all must take
And each must go alone.
It's all a part of the Master's plan,
A step on the road to home.
When you are lonely and sick of heart
Go to the friends we know
And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds.
Miss Me--But Let me Go!
Because, today was… eventful.
1. Giant swing. I am soo stupid. It’s like going on a roller coaster, or to the beach. You always forget that you hate it, so you do it, and you come off thinking “oh shit, that was dumb”. Well, the Giant Swing messed with my head. A lot. And it was very dumb of me to attempt it. BUT my year seveners had fun, (one of them admits that he DOES like me) (I love you William!!) and they hauled each other up there, and whinged about how uncomfortable the harnesses were. (Kearney: “Oh my, that feels fabulous, yeah” *pulls agonized face* “I need a seat life this for my living room”. *finishes swinging* “that tickled”)
2. Argument with friend. Only people at camp will understand this. I know I already said I’m sorry, but I really was joking, and I never meant to upset you, and I know you don’t recognise my sense of humour, but it was a joke. I didn’t mean it, okay? I am seriously sorry.
3. The song I got stuck in my head on the swings. The stupid stupid song. The one that, every time I swing again, will always pop into my head. The one that haunts me.
4. Being told the truth. Being trusted with it. Being confided in, not only because you needed someone to let it out to, but because you consider me a close friend. Thank you.
5. Bus being late. You see, my mum told me yesterday that if the bus got back to school just after 2 that she’d come and get me from school, and take me to uncle dally’s funeral. And then, apparently, some kid wasn’t on the bus, and we left, like, half an hour late, and I was crying so much man. (Thank you for your hug Corinne).
6. Crying even more. Realise I would still make it, rang my mum, and told her to pick me up from school. Then I had to get changed at school, and everyone’s like “Why are you wearing a dress?” and then my silly friends “You’re wearing red to a funeral?” YOU SILLIES. It is NOT mourning a death, it is celebrating a life. And I thought too much a lot, and everything made me cry.
7. Funeral. The service was beautiful. The way everyone spoke about Dal (his full name? Harold David Jourdain) was beautiful, and I saw relatives I’ve never met before, as well as people I haven’t seen in 10 years (and STILL remembered! What an impression). My family is amazing. Helen (the person I remembered) told me that if I ever wanted to run away from home, I could go live with her. =)
Because it fit so perfectly:
When I come to the end of the road
And the sun has set for me
I want no rites in a gloom-filled room.
Why cry for a soul set free?
Miss me a little--but not too long
And not with your head bowed low.
Remember the love that we once shared,
Miss me--but let me go.
For this is a journey that we all must take
And each must go alone.
It's all a part of the Master's plan,
A step on the road to home.
When you are lonely and sick of heart
Go to the friends we know
And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds.
Miss Me--But Let me Go!
Wednesday, 18 March 2009
Didn't ever want to say goodbye.
If you had turned your attention to the east south east direction at about 10:38 last night (ok, so it was 10:37.50), you would have seen something that made you sit up straight and rub your eyes. Questino like "what?" and "how?" and "was that a really fast aeroplane?" would have jumped to your mind, and the answer to that is no, no it was no. It was a shooting star. The second shooting star I have EVER seen. And this time, I was not too busy saying "did you see that?" to scrunch my eyes as tight as possible and make a wish.
This morning, Charlie decided to reject his mouse (maybe he heard what I said last night), so I am on my sister's computer. Yes, it is 7:00. Yes, I have been up for over 45 minutes. Yes, you should be feeling sorry for me.
Now goodbye, I shall blog again soon (Friday is soon, right?)
PS: Have you notices that the last few blog titles have been six words long?
This morning, Charlie decided to reject his mouse (maybe he heard what I said last night), so I am on my sister's computer. Yes, it is 7:00. Yes, I have been up for over 45 minutes. Yes, you should be feeling sorry for me.
Now goodbye, I shall blog again soon (Friday is soon, right?)
PS: Have you notices that the last few blog titles have been six words long?
Tuesday, 17 March 2009
It's not a game to me
You know what annoys me more than people telling me I look like people I don’t look like, Ebony + Ivory jokes, people that are mean, and bad TV spinoffs?
When my computer rejects the websites that I love.
i.e. blogger, and smithteens.
Especially smithteens
And when said computer restarts itself for no apparent reason other than it got bored. And it takes 7 minutes and 13 seconds to turn on (clearly, I get awfully bored at this time).
Here is what happened to me today, after my computer rejected smithteens and restarted itself:
Me: “Please work, please work, please work”
Smithteens loads.
Me: “Yes, oh thankyou lovely computer of mine, I love you!” *kisses computer screen*
Screen turns black
Me: “NOOOOO!”
Screens turns back on
Me: “Oh yay, thankyou, I am so sorry for doubting you”
Screen turns black
Me: *pretending to cry* “This is not fair darling, you can’t keep doing this to me”
Nikki: “I saw that” *laugh. A lot*
Screen turns back on
Me: “THANK YOU!!!”
I am soo annoyed at it.
(Don’t tell it or it will restart)
Ugh, I hate this “it”, I shall name my computer. Clearly, it's incompetence suggests that it is male. I shall call him Charlie.
Goodbye Charlie, NCIS is on.
I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
Far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Well, every moment spent with you
Is a moment I treasure
I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
Lying close to you
Feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together
And I just wanna stay with you
In this moment forever, forever and ever
I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
I don't wanna miss one smile
I don't wanna miss one kiss
Well, I just wanna be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just wanna hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time
Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
'Cause I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep, yeah
I don't wanna miss a thing
When my computer rejects the websites that I love.
i.e. blogger, and smithteens.
Especially smithteens
And when said computer restarts itself for no apparent reason other than it got bored. And it takes 7 minutes and 13 seconds to turn on (clearly, I get awfully bored at this time).
Here is what happened to me today, after my computer rejected smithteens and restarted itself:
Me: “Please work, please work, please work”
Smithteens loads.
Me: “Yes, oh thankyou lovely computer of mine, I love you!” *kisses computer screen*
Screen turns black
Me: “NOOOOO!”
Screens turns back on
Me: “Oh yay, thankyou, I am so sorry for doubting you”
Screen turns black
Me: *pretending to cry* “This is not fair darling, you can’t keep doing this to me”
Nikki: “I saw that” *laugh. A lot*
Screen turns back on
Me: “THANK YOU!!!”
I am soo annoyed at it.
(Don’t tell it or it will restart)
Ugh, I hate this “it”, I shall name my computer. Clearly, it's incompetence suggests that it is male. I shall call him Charlie.
Goodbye Charlie, NCIS is on.
I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
Far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Well, every moment spent with you
Is a moment I treasure
I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
Lying close to you
Feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together
And I just wanna stay with you
In this moment forever, forever and ever
I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
I don't wanna miss one smile
I don't wanna miss one kiss
Well, I just wanna be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just wanna hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time
Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
'Cause I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep, yeah
I don't wanna miss a thing
You are beautiful, never forget that
I'm gonna say happy birthday to Aashana even though she doesn't read my blog, simply because I forgot her birthday.
I've been doing that a lot lately.
"I know I'm late... but it's the first time ever"
"I know I forgot your birthday... but it's the first time ever"
"I know I left my maths book at home... but it's the first time ever"
"I know my name didn't get marked off the roll... but it's the first time ever"
Stupid stupid truancy slip =(
Let's compare scars. Whose is worse? – imissyoualot
We talking on hearts or bodies? – Cheru
“I miss my childhood.
I miss the rain.
I miss best friends.
I miss feeling infinite.
I miss book worthy moments.
I miss books that make you cry.
I miss 11:11.
I miss playing outside.
I miss sitting on the roof.
I miss midnight adventures.
But most of all, I miss you.”
- imissyoustill
If you're listening, I miss you. – imissyoutoo
You know what I miss?
I miss invincibility
I miss simplicity
I miss CDs of songs that made me high
I miss wasting time together
I miss beauty
I miss those moments
I miss that smile
I miss hiding
I miss seeking
I miss getting homework once a week
I miss not caring what people think of you
I miss being able to laugh at yourself
I miss infinite friendship
I miss getting emails (shut up, I only get them from blogger now)
I miss playing chess with my Dad (cough)
I miss Noddy
I miss egg-cups
I miss sunny-side-up
I miss doing my sister's hair
I miss tea parties
I miss hangman
I miss possibilty
But most of all, I miss you
Just too much to ponder tonight. – pbjwriter03
Yes, yes, I'm not blogging tomorrow or Thursday, so I should put in some effort today, but I was only allowed on my computer for 10 minutes for yesterday so I have memoirs to catch up on. Plus, I have to pack for camp.
Here are some quotes from school today:
Me: "How do you spell it?"
Shai: "K-A-Z-I"
Lana: "So, it's like Nazi with a K?"
Schippers: "If the AI is unsuccessful, we put them in here to mate with the bull"
Shailin: "You realise a lot of cows have had sex in that yard
Jordan: "If it was 3, then we've done 1 & 1"
Me: "What?"
Jordan: "So we have 1 left"
Me: "Why don't you just say 2?"
Crancher: "Your eyes should be on me"
Lisa: "What part of you?"
I can't believe it's over
I watched the whole thing fall
And I never saw the writing that was on the wall
If I'd only knew
The days were slipping past
That the good things never last
That you were crying
Summer turned to winter
And the snow it turned to rain
And the rain turned into tears upon your face
I hardly recognized the girl you are today
And god I hope it's not too late
It's not too late
'Cause you are not alone
I'm always there with you
And we'll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
'Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
When your worlds crashing down
And you can't bear the thought
I said, babe, you're not lost
Life can show no mercy
It can tear your soul apart
It can make you feel like you've gone crazy
But you're not
Things have seem to changed
There's one thing that's still the same
In my heart you have remained
And we can fly fly fly away
'Cause you are not alone
And I am there with you
And we'll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
'Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
When the worlds crashing down
And you can not bear the cross
I said, baby, you're not lost
I said, baby, you're not lost
I said, baby, you're not lost
I said, baby, you're not lost
I've been doing that a lot lately.
"I know I'm late... but it's the first time ever"
"I know I forgot your birthday... but it's the first time ever"
"I know I left my maths book at home... but it's the first time ever"
"I know my name didn't get marked off the roll... but it's the first time ever"
Stupid stupid truancy slip =(
Let's compare scars. Whose is worse? – imissyoualot
We talking on hearts or bodies? – Cheru
“I miss my childhood.
I miss the rain.
I miss best friends.
I miss feeling infinite.
I miss book worthy moments.
I miss books that make you cry.
I miss 11:11.
I miss playing outside.
I miss sitting on the roof.
I miss midnight adventures.
But most of all, I miss you.”
- imissyoustill
If you're listening, I miss you. – imissyoutoo
You know what I miss?
I miss invincibility
I miss simplicity
I miss CDs of songs that made me high
I miss wasting time together
I miss beauty
I miss those moments
I miss that smile
I miss hiding
I miss seeking
I miss getting homework once a week
I miss not caring what people think of you
I miss being able to laugh at yourself
I miss infinite friendship
I miss getting emails (shut up, I only get them from blogger now)
I miss playing chess with my Dad (cough)
I miss Noddy
I miss egg-cups
I miss sunny-side-up
I miss doing my sister's hair
I miss tea parties
I miss hangman
I miss possibilty
But most of all, I miss you
Just too much to ponder tonight. – pbjwriter03
Yes, yes, I'm not blogging tomorrow or Thursday, so I should put in some effort today, but I was only allowed on my computer for 10 minutes for yesterday so I have memoirs to catch up on. Plus, I have to pack for camp.
Here are some quotes from school today:
Me: "How do you spell it?"
Shai: "K-A-Z-I"
Lana: "So, it's like Nazi with a K?"
Schippers: "If the AI is unsuccessful, we put them in here to mate with the bull"
Shailin: "You realise a lot of cows have had sex in that yard
Jordan: "If it was 3, then we've done 1 & 1"
Me: "What?"
Jordan: "So we have 1 left"
Me: "Why don't you just say 2?"
Crancher: "Your eyes should be on me"
Lisa: "What part of you?"
I can't believe it's over
I watched the whole thing fall
And I never saw the writing that was on the wall
If I'd only knew
The days were slipping past
That the good things never last
That you were crying
Summer turned to winter
And the snow it turned to rain
And the rain turned into tears upon your face
I hardly recognized the girl you are today
And god I hope it's not too late
It's not too late
'Cause you are not alone
I'm always there with you
And we'll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
'Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
When your worlds crashing down
And you can't bear the thought
I said, babe, you're not lost
Life can show no mercy
It can tear your soul apart
It can make you feel like you've gone crazy
But you're not
Things have seem to changed
There's one thing that's still the same
In my heart you have remained
And we can fly fly fly away
'Cause you are not alone
And I am there with you
And we'll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
'Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
When the worlds crashing down
And you can not bear the cross
I said, baby, you're not lost
I said, baby, you're not lost
I said, baby, you're not lost
I said, baby, you're not lost
Monday, 16 March 2009
Once it's gone, it's lost forever.
It feels like I've had this blog forever, but in all reality, it really hasn't been that long.
Since my blog started, no one close to me has died. People have been sick, people have been hit by cars. But no one has died.
Today, my great-uncle Dally died.
I don't know what happened, they think it was a stroke, but they're not sure. He was found naked in his apartment after his daughter hadn't heard from him in a few days.
I wasn't that close to him, I know. I'm not sure what his first name is, I think it's Harold, but he always went by Dal, his middle name. He made some elf signs that we hang up every Christmas, he attended the odd family gathering.
He could always be counted on to bring a smile to the group. He always had a joke, a laugh, a story. He was the liveliness of the family.
Do you know what scares me the most about his death?
That's another one gone.
My grandfather only has 5 siblings left alive now.
My grandfather who is older than all his siblings, (he turned 85 yesterday).
It's like, every day he gets closer and closer. I know he's still 25 on the inside, he goes running 3 times a week, he fixes cars, he builds things for the garden.
But one day it's gonna happen.
One day he's not gonna be there. He's not gonna come over and tell us his amazing stories. Stories of being in the war. Of risking his life. Stories of his childhood. The depression. Stories of how he went down to the beach and collected coins that had fallen out of pockets, for his mother.
He is amazing in ways no one else will ever understand. He appreciates every single thing other people do for him, yet gives generosity so easily. He spent weeks arguing with the organisers of the ANZAC march, to let relatives of deceased soldiers march, he told them that it wasn't about the ANZACs still alive, it was about the ones that didn't come back.
He is the most caring, selfless person I know, and I'm not ready for him to go.
In year 9 poetry, when we were told to write a poem about our hero, I chose him. I read him his poem, and he asked for a copy, so he could show everyone he knew.
This is my poem:
The Ballad Of Bert
Bert was born before television,
Credit cards and frozen food
Before ball point pens and laser beams,
Before man walked on the moon
He lived in an era when getting married
Came before living together
When a ‘Big Mac’ was a large raincoat
Oversized, and for wet weather
So he grew up, and signed up
To fight in World War II
(He tried when he was underage
But this he could not do)
He was a forward, frontline soldier
As far out as can be
At times he even found himself
In enemy territory
But the war he did survive
Though many were left behind
They died to save their country
And make peace for all mankind
He moved on to his next hobby
Cars became his passion
Buying all cars that caught his eye
Both in and out of fashion
So he started his own business
(Panel-beater by trade)
And kept this business running
Until he aged and greyed
He soon had cancer of the bowel
So he had an operation
But he came back fighting fit
Renewed with determination
And even after operation
He sure did like to run
And not just to keep him fit
He liked to call it ‘fun’
So he ran the ‘City to Surf’
At 81 years young
He reached an incredible time
But still his song remained unsung
So here I am to sing it
In hopes you’ll understand
My grandfather, Bert Jourdain
Is an EXCEPTIONAL man!
Since my blog started, no one close to me has died. People have been sick, people have been hit by cars. But no one has died.
Today, my great-uncle Dally died.
I don't know what happened, they think it was a stroke, but they're not sure. He was found naked in his apartment after his daughter hadn't heard from him in a few days.
I wasn't that close to him, I know. I'm not sure what his first name is, I think it's Harold, but he always went by Dal, his middle name. He made some elf signs that we hang up every Christmas, he attended the odd family gathering.
He could always be counted on to bring a smile to the group. He always had a joke, a laugh, a story. He was the liveliness of the family.
Do you know what scares me the most about his death?
That's another one gone.
My grandfather only has 5 siblings left alive now.
My grandfather who is older than all his siblings, (he turned 85 yesterday).
It's like, every day he gets closer and closer. I know he's still 25 on the inside, he goes running 3 times a week, he fixes cars, he builds things for the garden.
But one day it's gonna happen.
One day he's not gonna be there. He's not gonna come over and tell us his amazing stories. Stories of being in the war. Of risking his life. Stories of his childhood. The depression. Stories of how he went down to the beach and collected coins that had fallen out of pockets, for his mother.
He is amazing in ways no one else will ever understand. He appreciates every single thing other people do for him, yet gives generosity so easily. He spent weeks arguing with the organisers of the ANZAC march, to let relatives of deceased soldiers march, he told them that it wasn't about the ANZACs still alive, it was about the ones that didn't come back.
He is the most caring, selfless person I know, and I'm not ready for him to go.
In year 9 poetry, when we were told to write a poem about our hero, I chose him. I read him his poem, and he asked for a copy, so he could show everyone he knew.
This is my poem:
The Ballad Of Bert
Bert was born before television,
Credit cards and frozen food
Before ball point pens and laser beams,
Before man walked on the moon
He lived in an era when getting married
Came before living together
When a ‘Big Mac’ was a large raincoat
Oversized, and for wet weather
So he grew up, and signed up
To fight in World War II
(He tried when he was underage
But this he could not do)
He was a forward, frontline soldier
As far out as can be
At times he even found himself
In enemy territory
But the war he did survive
Though many were left behind
They died to save their country
And make peace for all mankind
He moved on to his next hobby
Cars became his passion
Buying all cars that caught his eye
Both in and out of fashion
So he started his own business
(Panel-beater by trade)
And kept this business running
Until he aged and greyed
He soon had cancer of the bowel
So he had an operation
But he came back fighting fit
Renewed with determination
And even after operation
He sure did like to run
And not just to keep him fit
He liked to call it ‘fun’
So he ran the ‘City to Surf’
At 81 years young
He reached an incredible time
But still his song remained unsung
So here I am to sing it
In hopes you’ll understand
My grandfather, Bert Jourdain
Is an EXCEPTIONAL man!
Unavailable. Out living my fairytale realities.
Ankit: "Use a ruler, that line's about as straight as Rayan"
You should all remember that on Mondays I have no life. And even though IPT was cancelled, EVERY SINGLE TEACHER decided to give me homework. Except for Kolodziej. :L. But I've been working on my assignment for him, so that still counts. Oh, and Payne, but being in the same room as him is torture, so I'm not thanking him for anything.
Anyway, because I have no time to blog properly, I am going to share with you my thoughts on the "essence of me". Here goes:
(I don't know why it's in third person, that's just how I write)
(I wrote this between 9:30 and 11:30 last night. I KNEW I needed sleep, but I can't sleep before 11:11 anymore, out of habit, so this is what I did instead)
(I might use some of it for my assignment :L)
(I finally do something productive with my useless spare time!!)
(Add anything you can think of, I seriously need help for this)
(There's a song at the end, Delta this time =))
(Sorry for all the brackets)
(ily ;))
She’s a girl who loves jeans + hoop earrings. She hates the colour pink and people who are fake. She loves music + Star Trek. Her life usually revolves around love, whether it be a movie, a song, or a friend’s relationship problems. Green describes her nature, and yellow describes her personality.
She believes in karma, magic, wishing on a star, love-at-first-sight, and dreams coming true. She’s a dreamer. Her greatest ambition is to play the guitar, her worst fear is turning out like her mother. She howls at the full moon, and wishes only on stars that look happy. Her fake smile is beautiful, and everyone thinks she’s always happy. She loves her school, her dog, her family, and her job. But more than that, she loves her computer.
Her friends are amazing. Although they act immature, they are incredibly clever, and although they love to tease, they love each other. She sleeps at the wrong end of her bed, and colours outside of the lines. She hugs her pillow every night, and says good night to the stars.
She wishes on every eyelash, Santa, wishing well, 11:11, first star and birthday candle. She can write her whole life in six words, but can’t keep a diary for longer than a week. She hates sport, needles, and parents who swear at their children. She cries a little bit too much, but usually no one notices. She has big dreams and believes in herself. When she dies, she wants to have a FUNeral. She believes in dancing, eating, and talking too much, and she celebrates everything.
She has a weak heart, a weak head, and a weak stomach; but she has a strong smile, and a strong soul. She has a brilliant memory, and an incredible knack for getting into trouble. She twists the truth with metaphors, and has ways of making people question themselves. Her bedroom walls are decorated in song lyrics, poems, movie quotes and rainbow swirls. She loves to crazy dance and sing at the top of her lungs.
If it's okay
I'll leave the bed light on
And place your water glass where it belongs
And if alright
I'll lie awake at night
Pretending i'm curled up at your side
See i'm circling these patterns
Living out of memories
I'm still a long way from accepting it
That there's just no you and me
But if i still believe you love me
Maybe i'll survive
So i tell myself you're coming home
Like you've done a million times
And if it's alright
I'll still be loving you
'cause i can't break it to my heart
Is it just me
Did i commit a crime
I won't believe that loving you
Is just a waste of time
Or was it in my head
I'm reading into things that you never said
'cause i still don't have the answers
To why we couldn't work it out
I wanna think it's something that i did
So i can turn it back around
But if i still believe you love me
Maybe i'll survive
So i tell myself you're coming home
Like you've done a million times
And if it's alright
I'll still be loving you
'cause i can't break it to my heart
And nothing will come between us
I wanna convince myself we're perfect
In every single way as long as i can keep
The truth away from my heart
Oh 'cause i can't break it to my heart
'cause i still don't have all the answers
To why we couldn't work it out
I wanna think it's something that i did
So i can turn it back around
But if i still believe you love me
Maybe i'll survive
So i tell myself you're coming home
Like you've done a million times
And if it's alright
I'll still be loving you
'cause i can't break it to my heart
You should all remember that on Mondays I have no life. And even though IPT was cancelled, EVERY SINGLE TEACHER decided to give me homework. Except for Kolodziej. :L. But I've been working on my assignment for him, so that still counts. Oh, and Payne, but being in the same room as him is torture, so I'm not thanking him for anything.
Anyway, because I have no time to blog properly, I am going to share with you my thoughts on the "essence of me". Here goes:
(I don't know why it's in third person, that's just how I write)
(I wrote this between 9:30 and 11:30 last night. I KNEW I needed sleep, but I can't sleep before 11:11 anymore, out of habit, so this is what I did instead)
(I might use some of it for my assignment :L)
(I finally do something productive with my useless spare time!!)
(Add anything you can think of, I seriously need help for this)
(There's a song at the end, Delta this time =))
(Sorry for all the brackets)
(ily ;))
She’s a girl who loves jeans + hoop earrings. She hates the colour pink and people who are fake. She loves music + Star Trek. Her life usually revolves around love, whether it be a movie, a song, or a friend’s relationship problems. Green describes her nature, and yellow describes her personality.
She believes in karma, magic, wishing on a star, love-at-first-sight, and dreams coming true. She’s a dreamer. Her greatest ambition is to play the guitar, her worst fear is turning out like her mother. She howls at the full moon, and wishes only on stars that look happy. Her fake smile is beautiful, and everyone thinks she’s always happy. She loves her school, her dog, her family, and her job. But more than that, she loves her computer.
Her friends are amazing. Although they act immature, they are incredibly clever, and although they love to tease, they love each other. She sleeps at the wrong end of her bed, and colours outside of the lines. She hugs her pillow every night, and says good night to the stars.
She wishes on every eyelash, Santa, wishing well, 11:11, first star and birthday candle. She can write her whole life in six words, but can’t keep a diary for longer than a week. She hates sport, needles, and parents who swear at their children. She cries a little bit too much, but usually no one notices. She has big dreams and believes in herself. When she dies, she wants to have a FUNeral. She believes in dancing, eating, and talking too much, and she celebrates everything.
She has a weak heart, a weak head, and a weak stomach; but she has a strong smile, and a strong soul. She has a brilliant memory, and an incredible knack for getting into trouble. She twists the truth with metaphors, and has ways of making people question themselves. Her bedroom walls are decorated in song lyrics, poems, movie quotes and rainbow swirls. She loves to crazy dance and sing at the top of her lungs.
If it's okay
I'll leave the bed light on
And place your water glass where it belongs
And if alright
I'll lie awake at night
Pretending i'm curled up at your side
See i'm circling these patterns
Living out of memories
I'm still a long way from accepting it
That there's just no you and me
But if i still believe you love me
Maybe i'll survive
So i tell myself you're coming home
Like you've done a million times
And if it's alright
I'll still be loving you
'cause i can't break it to my heart
Is it just me
Did i commit a crime
I won't believe that loving you
Is just a waste of time
Or was it in my head
I'm reading into things that you never said
'cause i still don't have the answers
To why we couldn't work it out
I wanna think it's something that i did
So i can turn it back around
But if i still believe you love me
Maybe i'll survive
So i tell myself you're coming home
Like you've done a million times
And if it's alright
I'll still be loving you
'cause i can't break it to my heart
And nothing will come between us
I wanna convince myself we're perfect
In every single way as long as i can keep
The truth away from my heart
Oh 'cause i can't break it to my heart
'cause i still don't have all the answers
To why we couldn't work it out
I wanna think it's something that i did
So i can turn it back around
But if i still believe you love me
Maybe i'll survive
So i tell myself you're coming home
Like you've done a million times
And if it's alright
I'll still be loving you
'cause i can't break it to my heart
Saturday, 14 March 2009
One day it will all finish.
As you read this, you are listening to Sound Relief either on the radio or on Channel V/MAX. And if you are not then SHAME ON YOU.
Haha, my sis asked if the band are only Aussie and Kiwi, and my dad said yes. And I said "but taylor swift is performing". His reply? "Who's that?"
I swear, we are not related.
But we both started singing along to I Got You at the top of our lungs until Mum came in and told us off. :L.
Haha, my Dad and I are like that, there are things we totally disagree on (who wants to watch football? or listen to pink floyd? my dad, thats who) and there are things we totally agree on (his fave movie? music and lyrics. he also like the holiday and love actually.)
And he is awesome for being able to teach me trig with half a slice of bread. =)
(Just to piss Shailin off:
MENTIONING LANA!
BUT ALSO MENTIONING SHAILIN
50-50?)
Are you, by any chance, sad? – J600y
Ok, over the past 2 days, I have been in the weirdest mood. I still get pissed off really easily, and I keep eating junk food. I have not emotionally eaten that much... ever.
I have never written 60 memoirs. That is phenomenal. All of them were...weird. Like my mood.
I think I'm getting close to back to normal now.
I hope.
I. Feel. Everything. Get it now? – Silent_watcher
It takes a while to communicate that to some people. Not only do I feel everything, but I feel everything WORSE than you do. I feel everything you feel. And I feel everything you didn't know existed. I feel pain, I feel happiness, I feel deep hatred, I feel incredible love, I feel total clarity, and I feel mind-twirling confusion. But I feel it all, all the time.
looking up at the same moon.. – Harriet Taylor
This morning, at 7:15, I woke up (don't remind me that it's Saturday, I have a very strong body clock) and looked outside my window. She was there, smiling at me. She said "Good morning Ebony" and I said "It is now" She laughed at my very bad joke and I watched her. NOT in a stalker way (ok, maybe), but she is so beautiful. I just lay there, and watched her shine. Until it hurt to turn my head to see her because she was too far. And then I got up.
Smile. Laugh. Like makeup over scars. – i.am.aspen
I decided yesterday that I was going to tell you guys about my scars. About everything that happened to me, about everything I've never admitted to. About the reason why I lied to my blog, for the first time, a few days ago. I woke up, and in some realisation of truth remembered that I have NO IDEA who reads my blog. And there are some people that I do not trust with the only secret I have never told. I NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO. But, it's too hard to confess to. JUST LISTEN.
I wanna give everyone a hug. – small and on a search
That's the kind of person I am. I hug so much that people are sick of it now (i.e. me hugging Amy in drama). I hug people and they turn away. They don't listen, they don't understand that every hug is worth something to me. I wish everyone would feel that.
My Mind is affected by overpopulation. – JustAFaceInTheCrowd
And all the people in my head think I'm crazy. And there's a lot of them. And they're LOUD. And sometimes I need them to shut up so I can concentrate. (Maybe that's what people feel like around me). But every now and thn they say "well done" or "you did the right thing" and sometimes when everyone else tells me what a bad person I am, and how much I've screwed up, it's nice to have just a few voices tell you that things aren't so bad.
Someday we'll all have perfect wings – voices.faded
And we will all fly. And we will have finally made it. Someday, we will all join together, and we will be a beautiful force. Us and our truth and beauty wings. Will you fly with me? Are you strong enough to let go?
"RAPE!" is now considered a joke. – shhhme
That is something I will never be okay with. Sure, I make the joke too, and sure I laugh along. And I even joke back "It's not rape if you enjoy it". But there are parts in me cringing. They say, "Is that really true?" And maybe I'm too terrified to ask, too terrified of the answer, too terrified that I don't know what I want the answer to be. But remember that it is not a joke. Jokes are funny. On the inside too.
Tear soaked face. Nothing has changed. – justagirl
I haven't cried in 24 hours. Yes, that is totally a record. But I've run out of tears. And for a girl with an endless supply, that is a big thing. I don't know if it's good or bad, but it's big. I thought it would never happen. But it did. And I'm stronger now. But not strong enough to cry.
I fell.
Story of my life. – imissyoumuch
I fall over things. I fall into ditches. I fall in love. I fall in hate. But I always fall.
And sometimes I jump, just for the fall. Because falling feels like flying. Until the BOOM.
Haha, my sis asked if the band are only Aussie and Kiwi, and my dad said yes. And I said "but taylor swift is performing". His reply? "Who's that?"
I swear, we are not related.
But we both started singing along to I Got You at the top of our lungs until Mum came in and told us off. :L.
Haha, my Dad and I are like that, there are things we totally disagree on (who wants to watch football? or listen to pink floyd? my dad, thats who) and there are things we totally agree on (his fave movie? music and lyrics. he also like the holiday and love actually.)
And he is awesome for being able to teach me trig with half a slice of bread. =)
(Just to piss Shailin off:
MENTIONING LANA!
BUT ALSO MENTIONING SHAILIN
50-50?)
Are you, by any chance, sad? – J600y
Ok, over the past 2 days, I have been in the weirdest mood. I still get pissed off really easily, and I keep eating junk food. I have not emotionally eaten that much... ever.
I have never written 60 memoirs. That is phenomenal. All of them were...weird. Like my mood.
I think I'm getting close to back to normal now.
I hope.
I. Feel. Everything. Get it now? – Silent_watcher
It takes a while to communicate that to some people. Not only do I feel everything, but I feel everything WORSE than you do. I feel everything you feel. And I feel everything you didn't know existed. I feel pain, I feel happiness, I feel deep hatred, I feel incredible love, I feel total clarity, and I feel mind-twirling confusion. But I feel it all, all the time.
looking up at the same moon.. – Harriet Taylor
This morning, at 7:15, I woke up (don't remind me that it's Saturday, I have a very strong body clock) and looked outside my window. She was there, smiling at me. She said "Good morning Ebony" and I said "It is now" She laughed at my very bad joke and I watched her. NOT in a stalker way (ok, maybe), but she is so beautiful. I just lay there, and watched her shine. Until it hurt to turn my head to see her because she was too far. And then I got up.
Smile. Laugh. Like makeup over scars. – i.am.aspen
I decided yesterday that I was going to tell you guys about my scars. About everything that happened to me, about everything I've never admitted to. About the reason why I lied to my blog, for the first time, a few days ago. I woke up, and in some realisation of truth remembered that I have NO IDEA who reads my blog. And there are some people that I do not trust with the only secret I have never told. I NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO. But, it's too hard to confess to. JUST LISTEN.
I wanna give everyone a hug. – small and on a search
That's the kind of person I am. I hug so much that people are sick of it now (i.e. me hugging Amy in drama). I hug people and they turn away. They don't listen, they don't understand that every hug is worth something to me. I wish everyone would feel that.
My Mind is affected by overpopulation. – JustAFaceInTheCrowd
And all the people in my head think I'm crazy. And there's a lot of them. And they're LOUD. And sometimes I need them to shut up so I can concentrate. (Maybe that's what people feel like around me). But every now and thn they say "well done" or "you did the right thing" and sometimes when everyone else tells me what a bad person I am, and how much I've screwed up, it's nice to have just a few voices tell you that things aren't so bad.
Someday we'll all have perfect wings – voices.faded
And we will all fly. And we will have finally made it. Someday, we will all join together, and we will be a beautiful force. Us and our truth and beauty wings. Will you fly with me? Are you strong enough to let go?
"RAPE!" is now considered a joke. – shhhme
That is something I will never be okay with. Sure, I make the joke too, and sure I laugh along. And I even joke back "It's not rape if you enjoy it". But there are parts in me cringing. They say, "Is that really true?" And maybe I'm too terrified to ask, too terrified of the answer, too terrified that I don't know what I want the answer to be. But remember that it is not a joke. Jokes are funny. On the inside too.
Tear soaked face. Nothing has changed. – justagirl
I haven't cried in 24 hours. Yes, that is totally a record. But I've run out of tears. And for a girl with an endless supply, that is a big thing. I don't know if it's good or bad, but it's big. I thought it would never happen. But it did. And I'm stronger now. But not strong enough to cry.
I fell.
Story of my life. – imissyoumuch
I fall over things. I fall into ditches. I fall in love. I fall in hate. But I always fall.
And sometimes I jump, just for the fall. Because falling feels like flying. Until the BOOM.
Why does it mean so much?
Haha, remember that Geo thing I couldn't be bothered to do yesterday?
I should be doing it now.
Wow, this blog is soo bad for me!
Anyway, I will make this as quick as possible (actually that's a lie) because, well, Geo is more important. Actually, it's only 5%, right? And how hard can it be to talk about sand?
Good.
-----
Now then. Who wants to hear something weird/cool?
Yesterday, Schare found an ipod at school in the grass, and she asked me if it was mine, and I said no, and I asked why, and she said it has the name "Ebony" on one of the playlists.
Is that weird or cool?
It's weird, isn't it?
Yes, it's very weird. How many other Ebonys do you know?
Gahh. That is weird.
----
I'll ask them about it at school if I get the chance.
That's all. I know, I know, it was a hint.
And you think I was too stupid to take it, but I just didn't want you to know I got it.
And I'm considering it. Seriously.
I am very deeply considering it.
But... I can't just do something like that, it requires a lot of thought.
----
Well, you see, I just have to be careful what I say know. The walls have ears.
And you seem to be able to pick up on that so thankyou, but, everything doesn't necessarily mean what you think it does. Remember that.
----
I'll take none. I swear, it's good enough. Nothing out of nothing. Lana says you can divide zero by things, so we'll split nothing in two. And that's enough. Nothing each is enough.
----
You have no idea how happy you made me. For the first time in my life, no one was telling me that I screwed up, that I made a mistake, you told me that you were happy with what I did. you told me I made the right choices. You told me there was nothing wrong with me. And it may not sound like much. But it meant everything.
----
Haha, I realised why it takes me so long to blog.
I keep downloading music, writing memoirs, reading blogs, just getting sidetracked doing new things. That's why I split my blogs. Everytime I come back, I have fresh thoughts, and I have to write them seperately.
----
Silly silly Jenny, get stupid Hannah Montana song stuck in my head, THANKS!
Uh oh
There you go again talking cinematic
Yeah you!
You're charming, got everybody star struck.
I know
How you always seem to go
For the obvious instead of me
But get a ticket and you'll see
[Chorus:]
If we were a movie
You'd be the right guy
And I'd be the best friend
You'd fall in love with
In the end we'd be laughing
Watching the sunset
Fade to black
Show the names
Play the happy song
(Yeah)
Yeah, yeah
When you call me
I can hear it in your voice
Oh sure!
Wanna see me
And tell me all about her
La la
I'll be acting through my tears
I guess you'll never know
That I should win
An Oscar for this scene I'm in
[Chorus]
Wish I could tell you there's a twist
Some kind of hero in disguise
And we're together
It's for real
Now playing
Wish I could tell you there's a kiss
Like something more than in my mind
I see it
Could be amazing
[Chorus x3]
I should be doing it now.
Wow, this blog is soo bad for me!
Anyway, I will make this as quick as possible (actually that's a lie) because, well, Geo is more important. Actually, it's only 5%, right? And how hard can it be to talk about sand?
Good.
-----
Now then. Who wants to hear something weird/cool?
Yesterday, Schare found an ipod at school in the grass, and she asked me if it was mine, and I said no, and I asked why, and she said it has the name "Ebony" on one of the playlists.
Is that weird or cool?
It's weird, isn't it?
Yes, it's very weird. How many other Ebonys do you know?
Gahh. That is weird.
----
I'll ask them about it at school if I get the chance.
That's all. I know, I know, it was a hint.
And you think I was too stupid to take it, but I just didn't want you to know I got it.
And I'm considering it. Seriously.
I am very deeply considering it.
But... I can't just do something like that, it requires a lot of thought.
----
Well, you see, I just have to be careful what I say know. The walls have ears.
And you seem to be able to pick up on that so thankyou, but, everything doesn't necessarily mean what you think it does. Remember that.
----
I'll take none. I swear, it's good enough. Nothing out of nothing. Lana says you can divide zero by things, so we'll split nothing in two. And that's enough. Nothing each is enough.
----
You have no idea how happy you made me. For the first time in my life, no one was telling me that I screwed up, that I made a mistake, you told me that you were happy with what I did. you told me I made the right choices. You told me there was nothing wrong with me. And it may not sound like much. But it meant everything.
----
Haha, I realised why it takes me so long to blog.
I keep downloading music, writing memoirs, reading blogs, just getting sidetracked doing new things. That's why I split my blogs. Everytime I come back, I have fresh thoughts, and I have to write them seperately.
----
Silly silly Jenny, get stupid Hannah Montana song stuck in my head, THANKS!
Uh oh
There you go again talking cinematic
Yeah you!
You're charming, got everybody star struck.
I know
How you always seem to go
For the obvious instead of me
But get a ticket and you'll see
[Chorus:]
If we were a movie
You'd be the right guy
And I'd be the best friend
You'd fall in love with
In the end we'd be laughing
Watching the sunset
Fade to black
Show the names
Play the happy song
(Yeah)
Yeah, yeah
When you call me
I can hear it in your voice
Oh sure!
Wanna see me
And tell me all about her
La la
I'll be acting through my tears
I guess you'll never know
That I should win
An Oscar for this scene I'm in
[Chorus]
Wish I could tell you there's a twist
Some kind of hero in disguise
And we're together
It's for real
Now playing
Wish I could tell you there's a kiss
Like something more than in my mind
I see it
Could be amazing
[Chorus x3]
Friday, 13 March 2009
Finally stopping to smell the rainbows
one - when i reread it, i realise how much of a jackass you are. all i have to say is thank goodness.
TWO - Rule 3#: Never be unreachable.
three - I have an urge to end my blogs with "Live long and prosper" but I am stopping myself from doing that because I don't want you guys to think I'm totally pyscho.
four - I stay up late and write now. I write stories, I write memoirs, I write things for my blog, I write until my clock reaches 11:11. I make a wish, and fall asleep. Yes, I am extraordinarily sleep deprived, and I should stop doing this... but what if it comes true??
Remember me saying how unhappy I was?
Well I'm really happy now!!!
(That always happens after I blog)
(I LOVE IT!)
So Nikki and I started dancing around our house to the songs in our heads. Which we verbalised. Here is where you feel sorry for my parents. And dog. Because I think only he could hear some of those notes we hit.
Anyway, today, I found out something very important about myself.
Even MORE important than the high 5 thing. Do you want to know what it is?
I SUCK at solitaire.
I mean, seriously, out of 10 games, you should win more than one, shouldn't you? How can I be so BAD at things that most people can do with relative ease? Is there something wrong with me? (on second thoughts, don't answer that)
Plus, I play with real cards. (I KNOW!!! I'm in the wrong generation)(But it's only cuz I have limits on my computer time per day) So when I get stuck I cheat. (This is what I do with life as well) (and monopoly) (and 13 when playing with osmina/bryan). And I consider cheating more than 5 times to mean I've lost.
now you wouldn't think it would be that easy to actually LOSE that way.
But I posess some sort of inhumane skill or being able to lose any given game of solitaire.
THAT is why I cheat. Because then I at least get some sort of self satisfaction ot of the game.
See? Aren't you glad you read this blog?
Otherwise you would never know about the solitaire thing.
Oh, and today my Dad started ranting at my TV about how everyone was silly and Split Enz was so much better than Crowded House, and all I could do was smile. These are the moments I live for =)
AND I JUST WON A GAME!! AND I DIDN'T EVEN CHEAT.
Maybe I'm not doomed afterall.
It is so ironic that I am going to write the lyrics to the song you recommended to me, after blogging about you earlier, and tlaking to no one but you on MSN before that. And if anyone knoew who this was they would kill me, which is part of what draws me to you. I don't want to dislike you simply because everyone else thinks I should. This is my way of giving you a chance.
TWO - Rule 3#: Never be unreachable.
three - I have an urge to end my blogs with "Live long and prosper" but I am stopping myself from doing that because I don't want you guys to think I'm totally pyscho.
four - I stay up late and write now. I write stories, I write memoirs, I write things for my blog, I write until my clock reaches 11:11. I make a wish, and fall asleep. Yes, I am extraordinarily sleep deprived, and I should stop doing this... but what if it comes true??
Remember me saying how unhappy I was?
Well I'm really happy now!!!
(That always happens after I blog)
(I LOVE IT!)
So Nikki and I started dancing around our house to the songs in our heads. Which we verbalised. Here is where you feel sorry for my parents. And dog. Because I think only he could hear some of those notes we hit.
Anyway, today, I found out something very important about myself.
Even MORE important than the high 5 thing. Do you want to know what it is?
I SUCK at solitaire.
I mean, seriously, out of 10 games, you should win more than one, shouldn't you? How can I be so BAD at things that most people can do with relative ease? Is there something wrong with me? (on second thoughts, don't answer that)
Plus, I play with real cards. (I KNOW!!! I'm in the wrong generation)(But it's only cuz I have limits on my computer time per day) So when I get stuck I cheat. (This is what I do with life as well) (and monopoly) (and 13 when playing with osmina/bryan). And I consider cheating more than 5 times to mean I've lost.
now you wouldn't think it would be that easy to actually LOSE that way.
But I posess some sort of inhumane skill or being able to lose any given game of solitaire.
THAT is why I cheat. Because then I at least get some sort of self satisfaction ot of the game.
See? Aren't you glad you read this blog?
Otherwise you would never know about the solitaire thing.
Oh, and today my Dad started ranting at my TV about how everyone was silly and Split Enz was so much better than Crowded House, and all I could do was smile. These are the moments I live for =)
AND I JUST WON A GAME!! AND I DIDN'T EVEN CHEAT.
Maybe I'm not doomed afterall.
-------
It is so ironic that I am going to write the lyrics to the song you recommended to me, after blogging about you earlier, and tlaking to no one but you on MSN before that. And if anyone knoew who this was they would kill me, which is part of what draws me to you. I don't want to dislike you simply because everyone else thinks I should. This is my way of giving you a chance.
Turn away,
If you could get me a drink
Of water 'cause my lips are chapped and faded
Call my aunt Marie
Help her gather all my things
And bury me in all my favorite colors,
My sisters and my brothers, still,
I will not kiss you,
'Cause the hardest part of this,
Is leaving you.
Now turn away,
'Cause I'm awful just to see
'Cause all my hairs abandoned all my body,
Oh, my agony,
Know that I will never marry,
Baby, I'm just soggy from the chemo,
But counting down the days to go
It just ain't living
And I just hope you know
That if you say
(if you say)
Goodbye today
(goodbye today)
I'd ask you to be true
(cause I'd ask you to be true)
'Cause the hardest part of this
Is leaving you
'Cause the hardest part of this
Is leaving you
Finally letting people see my soul
I have suddenly realised how busy I will be shortly.
Here is next week in the life of Ebony.
Monday - Hand in Maths book for collection. Do ENTIRE IPT assignment IF Payne fixes the stupid database that he screwed up. IPT after school. Drama after school.
Tuesday - Creating connections. Perfect dance for PE - even though Corinne won't be there. Pack for yr 7 camp when I get home. Watch NCIS (it's important!)
Wednesday - Be at school by 7:45am. no I am not kidding. go to camp.
Thursday - at camp. stupid stupid yr 7.
Friday - come home. SLEEP
Saturday - wake up early. drive to canberra. go to family friend's wedding. drive home from canberra. hopefully get home before midnight.
Sunday - working 9 hours :'(. and i have to close. and sunday closes are HARD cuz u have to balance it. :( get home by about 10:30. still sleep deprived from camp.
And THEN i have infamous tuesday. with 4 assignments due.
FAR OUT!
I don't like year 10. CAN YOU IMAGINE YEAR 11??? AND 12???!!!!!
So I should probably go do Geo reasearch action plan.
HOWEVER, I do not like homework.
Therefore, I shall blog.
Excellent logic, don't you think?
Remind me, how have I EVER gotten assignments in on time?
Anyhoodle.
You all know how very much I love 6 word memoirs. But it is not just because they are cool. But because it has introduced me to some very beautiful people.
Some words from Cheru Carnage:
Sticks and stones can break my bones,
but words will never hurt me.
And if I tell that lie enough than maybe you won't see.
Mother dearest always said not to stray far from home.
I never pondered the notion of their voices in my head.
Never saw the needle piercing from underneath my bed.
You cannot heal the wounds,
Not with you swift lick,
I'm sorrys and regrets don't make the farces stick.
Sticks and stones might break my bones
Those words will truly hurt me.
And when I'm standing on a cliff
You will soon desert me..
Isn't that a beautiful poem?
She wrote it ages ago.
MENTIONING LANA
Number 4! Haha, PLEASE tell me you're still reading!
I looove you Lana.
Because your smartness rubbed off on me!!
And my loudness rubbed off on you!!
And today YOU got in trouble for talking in class you naughty girl :L.
(Yes Shailin, it's your influence, too)
Anyways, I LOVE YOU LANA!
You are le awesome.
And THANKYOU for visiting me at work
(You're still the only one :L)
(Oh the joys of looking for mushrooms)
Haha, you're shorter without school shoes on. =)
Ok, that's enough about you
This dance is getting old. Always playing around what neither of us will say. Always getting close, then backing away, before we accidentally say it. Taunting each other with words, with thoughts, with secrets. Scared that if we get too close, one of us will run. So we keep it light, we continue to dance. Always the prospect that one of us will slip, that one of us will leave, that one of us will go too far. And that's what keeps us dancing.
We twirl around in each others arm, and spin in circles laughing. We slow dance together, and we're there for each other. We hold hands and run around. We make trains of hugs, and our faces light our when we see each other. We poke each other, and giggle together. And when poke each other's waist, we instantly fall into each other's arms. It feels so comfortable, so natural that neither of us wants to move. And sometimes we just stay there, to feel each other's warmth, to feel wanted, to feel loved.
But YOU ARE THE WRONG PERSON.
And you feel the same way about me.
I am soo megapissed today. I swear, people say things that usually don't bug me, and I totally raged. And sometimes, well, sometimes I was very hypocritical. I expected people to be able to read my mind, and do what I wanted without me even telling them. And that's not very fair of me, and I get pissed at my mum all the time for it, but that's the kind of mood I was in. I have decided to blame it on PMS and hope I am much nicer very soon :L.
I know you know it makes me feel good about myself. I know you're only doing it to make me smile. But it does! And thankyou so much for that. I used to think we were fabulous friends. I don't think that anymore. I think we are people that use each toehr. You use me to get to her, I use you to feel like I am a good person. At the end of the day we're both happy. And you're manipulative. But so am I, so I forgive you. Maybe we COULD be fabulous friends. But we'd have to sotp using each other, and at the moment, this is working out well.
I don't think any of those people I blogged about read this, even though I have mentioned my blog to all of them. Oh wells, my mum just got home, which mean I should leave before she kills me, besides, Star Trek is starting soon, and I have a lot of chocolate to consume between now and then.
I'll see you under the moon.
Song.Song.Song. Haha, perfect!
I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes
I see a line of cars and theyre all painted black
With flowers and my love both never to come back
I see people turn their heads and quickly look away
Like a new born baby it just happens every day
I look inside myself and see my heart is black
I see my red door and it has been painted blac
kMaybe then Ill fade away and not have to face the facts
Its not easy facin up when your whole world is black
No more will my green sea go turn a deeper blue
I could not foresee this thing happening to you
If I look hard enough into the settin sun
My love will laugh with me before the mornin comes
I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes
Hmm, hmm, hmm,...I wanna see it painted, painted black
Black as night, black as coal
I wanna see the sun blotted out from the sky
I wanna see it painted, painted, painted, painted black
Yeah!
Here is next week in the life of Ebony.
Monday - Hand in Maths book for collection. Do ENTIRE IPT assignment IF Payne fixes the stupid database that he screwed up. IPT after school. Drama after school.
Tuesday - Creating connections. Perfect dance for PE - even though Corinne won't be there. Pack for yr 7 camp when I get home. Watch NCIS (it's important!)
Wednesday - Be at school by 7:45am. no I am not kidding. go to camp.
Thursday - at camp. stupid stupid yr 7.
Friday - come home. SLEEP
Saturday - wake up early. drive to canberra. go to family friend's wedding. drive home from canberra. hopefully get home before midnight.
Sunday - working 9 hours :'(. and i have to close. and sunday closes are HARD cuz u have to balance it. :( get home by about 10:30. still sleep deprived from camp.
And THEN i have infamous tuesday. with 4 assignments due.
FAR OUT!
I don't like year 10. CAN YOU IMAGINE YEAR 11??? AND 12???!!!!!
So I should probably go do Geo reasearch action plan.
HOWEVER, I do not like homework.
Therefore, I shall blog.
Excellent logic, don't you think?
Remind me, how have I EVER gotten assignments in on time?
Anyhoodle.
-------
You all know how very much I love 6 word memoirs. But it is not just because they are cool. But because it has introduced me to some very beautiful people.
Some words from Cheru Carnage:
Sticks and stones can break my bones,
but words will never hurt me.
And if I tell that lie enough than maybe you won't see.
Mother dearest always said not to stray far from home.
I never pondered the notion of their voices in my head.
Never saw the needle piercing from underneath my bed.
You cannot heal the wounds,
Not with you swift lick,
I'm sorrys and regrets don't make the farces stick.
Sticks and stones might break my bones
Those words will truly hurt me.
And when I'm standing on a cliff
You will soon desert me..
Isn't that a beautiful poem?
She wrote it ages ago.
-------
MENTIONING LANA
Number 4! Haha, PLEASE tell me you're still reading!
I looove you Lana.
Because your smartness rubbed off on me!!
And my loudness rubbed off on you!!
And today YOU got in trouble for talking in class you naughty girl :L.
(Yes Shailin, it's your influence, too)
Anyways, I LOVE YOU LANA!
You are le awesome.
And THANKYOU for visiting me at work
(You're still the only one :L)
(Oh the joys of looking for mushrooms)
Haha, you're shorter without school shoes on. =)
Ok, that's enough about you
-------
This dance is getting old. Always playing around what neither of us will say. Always getting close, then backing away, before we accidentally say it. Taunting each other with words, with thoughts, with secrets. Scared that if we get too close, one of us will run. So we keep it light, we continue to dance. Always the prospect that one of us will slip, that one of us will leave, that one of us will go too far. And that's what keeps us dancing.
-------
We twirl around in each others arm, and spin in circles laughing. We slow dance together, and we're there for each other. We hold hands and run around. We make trains of hugs, and our faces light our when we see each other. We poke each other, and giggle together. And when poke each other's waist, we instantly fall into each other's arms. It feels so comfortable, so natural that neither of us wants to move. And sometimes we just stay there, to feel each other's warmth, to feel wanted, to feel loved.
But YOU ARE THE WRONG PERSON.
And you feel the same way about me.
-------
I am soo megapissed today. I swear, people say things that usually don't bug me, and I totally raged. And sometimes, well, sometimes I was very hypocritical. I expected people to be able to read my mind, and do what I wanted without me even telling them. And that's not very fair of me, and I get pissed at my mum all the time for it, but that's the kind of mood I was in. I have decided to blame it on PMS and hope I am much nicer very soon :L.
-------
I know you know it makes me feel good about myself. I know you're only doing it to make me smile. But it does! And thankyou so much for that. I used to think we were fabulous friends. I don't think that anymore. I think we are people that use each toehr. You use me to get to her, I use you to feel like I am a good person. At the end of the day we're both happy. And you're manipulative. But so am I, so I forgive you. Maybe we COULD be fabulous friends. But we'd have to sotp using each other, and at the moment, this is working out well.
-------
I don't think any of those people I blogged about read this, even though I have mentioned my blog to all of them. Oh wells, my mum just got home, which mean I should leave before she kills me, besides, Star Trek is starting soon, and I have a lot of chocolate to consume between now and then.
I'll see you under the moon.
-------
Song.Song.Song. Haha, perfect!
I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes
I see a line of cars and theyre all painted black
With flowers and my love both never to come back
I see people turn their heads and quickly look away
Like a new born baby it just happens every day
I look inside myself and see my heart is black
I see my red door and it has been painted blac
kMaybe then Ill fade away and not have to face the facts
Its not easy facin up when your whole world is black
No more will my green sea go turn a deeper blue
I could not foresee this thing happening to you
If I look hard enough into the settin sun
My love will laugh with me before the mornin comes
I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes
Hmm, hmm, hmm,...I wanna see it painted, painted black
Black as night, black as coal
I wanna see the sun blotted out from the sky
I wanna see it painted, painted, painted, painted black
Yeah!
Thursday, 12 March 2009
Choose a star
one - Roses are red
Violets are blue
Most poems rhyme
But this one doesn't
TWO - Rule #8: Never take anything for granted.
three - You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.
four - Sometimes it's hard to say what you feel. Hard to ask someone for help, or tell them that you're hurting. Sometimes you feel vain for being proud of yourself, and sometimes you feel guilty for being happy.
My resolution is to blog every week. Not everyday. But I do.
And this blog has to be short, can you hear that? That is my TV calling me. The Nanny, Star Trek, NCIS. Oh the beauty of mindless entertainment.
MENTIONING SHAILIN
I know you told me that I didn't have to mention you
But you complained when I mentioned your friends and not you :L
You are one of my very faithful readers. Even if I blog before school, you'll come to school and say "I read your blog this morning".
And yet, YOURS is readers only. AND I'M NOT INVITED!
Thankyou for being my awesome 10M friend (yes, you too Corinne)
Thankyou for all your talks in Geography :L.
And sitting in the back row in ag. Good times =)
"Excess horn" "Anal retentive" "Lameness" "homoerectus"
Those are things that made you laugh, and then, me too.
Dear my group,
Today, I rerealised how awesome you are.
Haha, moments
Lisa: "Is it not Tan?"
Judy: "... no no no no..."
Lisa: "It's Tan!"
Allan: "Are you a slave?"
Lisa: "in your dreams"
Laughing in drama at stupid stuff Amy says. Again. Just because all our teachers are silly.
Reading Amy's blog. It made me skip all the way to school =)
Haha, Lisa dreams about Kolodziej!!! And not me =(
Anyways, thankyou to all of the fabulously awesome people in my life today.
You all rock my socks.
I will be back in the ad breaks ;)
So I shall leave you with this thought:
(It's not a song!!) (It's a poem :L)
When I die choose a star
and name it after me
that you may knowI have not abandoned
or forgotten you.
You were such a star to me,
following you through birth
and childhood, my handin your hand.
When I die
choose a star and name it
after me so that I may shine
down on you, until you join
me in darkness and silence
together.
Violets are blue
Most poems rhyme
But this one doesn't
TWO - Rule #8: Never take anything for granted.
three - You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.
four - Sometimes it's hard to say what you feel. Hard to ask someone for help, or tell them that you're hurting. Sometimes you feel vain for being proud of yourself, and sometimes you feel guilty for being happy.
My resolution is to blog every week. Not everyday. But I do.
And this blog has to be short, can you hear that? That is my TV calling me. The Nanny, Star Trek, NCIS. Oh the beauty of mindless entertainment.
MENTIONING SHAILIN
I know you told me that I didn't have to mention you
But you complained when I mentioned your friends and not you :L
You are one of my very faithful readers. Even if I blog before school, you'll come to school and say "I read your blog this morning".
And yet, YOURS is readers only. AND I'M NOT INVITED!
Thankyou for being my awesome 10M friend (yes, you too Corinne)
Thankyou for all your talks in Geography :L.
And sitting in the back row in ag. Good times =)
"Excess horn" "Anal retentive" "Lameness" "homoerectus"
Those are things that made you laugh, and then, me too.
Dear my group,
Today, I rerealised how awesome you are.
Haha, moments
Lisa: "Is it not Tan?"
Judy: "... no no no no..."
Lisa: "It's Tan!"
Allan: "Are you a slave?"
Lisa: "in your dreams"
Laughing in drama at stupid stuff Amy says. Again. Just because all our teachers are silly.
Reading Amy's blog. It made me skip all the way to school =)
Haha, Lisa dreams about Kolodziej!!! And not me =(
Anyways, thankyou to all of the fabulously awesome people in my life today.
You all rock my socks.
I will be back in the ad breaks ;)
So I shall leave you with this thought:
(It's not a song!!) (It's a poem :L)
When I die choose a star
and name it after me
that you may knowI have not abandoned
or forgotten you.
You were such a star to me,
following you through birth
and childhood, my handin your hand.
When I die
choose a star and name it
after me so that I may shine
down on you, until you join
me in darkness and silence
together.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)