It's half timing and the other half's luck

Everyone always says that you don't see the end coming. That you don't know it's the end, and then suddenly, there it is; things stop. You never remember the last part, you don't realise it's the last, you never saw it coming. But, what about when you know? Is there another set of special rules that apply to the end you see coming? Is there something I should particularly be thinking or doing? A tear I should not shed? A word I should not utter? Is there something I can say to change everything? And, if I do, will it not always be, somehow changed? Is it worth the words I have to say to make you stay? Or is the mere existence of the words sign enough that you should go? Maybe, it's time. I didn't even realise, I never knew, you never said.

---

I'm not surprised, not everything lasts
I've broken my heart so many times I stopped keeping track
Talk myself in, I talk myself out
I get all worked up then I let myself down

I tried so very hard not to loose it
I came up with a million excuses
I thought, I thought of every possibility

---

Those terrible tears that can only come in solitude. The scream that no one else can hear or they would think your life is ending. And maybe it is. The tears that bring with them the running nose and puffy red eyes and friends asking "are you ok?" and strangers giving you weird looks from the car next to you at the lights. The tears reserved for you and only you. Every time you break my heart. I say that like you do it out of routine. And maybe you do. And I'm telling myself that I can write this without you reading it. I'm telling myself that you'll never know how much hurt me. Or that I think you're worth it. But of course, you will read every word. Because you stay where you always stay; far enough away to hurt, but close enough to never forget.

But you'll never be more wanted

And it's nice, you know? Talking to you is just nice. Every conversation feels like it should have a backing track with grand music and violins. I look at our messages to each other and just sit here smiling. This is comfortable and beautiful for the first time in a long time.

The awkward moment when you trial hsc takes away all of your spare time and you feel all your friendships crumbly away.
I feel so distanced from everyone in my life at the moment. I'm really glad I have some time off now to just chill, I really need it. Our whole grade needs it I guess. We haven't taken a break in like, a year. It feels good to destress.

At least tonight,

It's just you and me and honestly

That's everything I need


I'm sorry I let you down. He's right. I should just admit that nI stuffed up and buy you some flowers or something. Is it my stubbornness that stops me from doing that? Or is it a deeper resentment towards you that you can't accept me for who I am, you can't you like me like this. You want me to change.
I'm so tired of feeling like I have to change for you. I don't want to be ashamed of myself simply because I didn't turn out the way you want me to. This is who I am. Which is as much to do with you as it with me. It's too late for you to want me to be anything else. The only thing that can change me now, is me.


He is sensible and so incredible
And all my single friends are jealous
He says everything I need to hear and it's like
I couldn't ask for anything better
He opens up my door and I get into his car
And he says you look beautiful tonight
And I feel perfectly fine

But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
And it's 2am and I'm cursing your name
You're so in love that you act insane
And that's the way I loved you
Breakin' down and coming undone
It's a roller coaster kinda rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you


My computer, Ella, crashed so I'm on mum's laptop now which means I have no pictures. Many words, many songs, but no pictures. I did back Ella up, but I'm not sure where the external hardrive ended up in the move. Eventually, I will sort my life out, I promise. Until then... have a song.


Everyone's changing, I stay the same
I'm... a solo cello outside a chor-us
I've got a secret,
It's time for me to tell that you've been keeping me warm

Just sweet beginnings and bitter en-dings
In coffee city, we borrowed hea-ven
Don't give it back, I've never felt so wanted
Are you taking me home?

You tell me you have to go...

In the heat of summer sunshine
I miss you like nobody else
In the heat of summer sunshine
I kiss you, and nobody needs to know

Now that you've left me, there's no retur-ning
I keep comparing, you're always win-ning
I try to be strong but you'll never be more wanted
Will you make me at home?

Don't tell me you have to go...

In the heat of summer sunshine
I miss you like nobody else
In the heat of summer sunshine
I kiss you, and nobody needs to know

Ya da... ya da... ya da

To sweet beginnings and bitter en-dings
In coffee city, we borrowed hea-ven
Don't give it back
Winter is coming and I need to stay warm

The heat.....

In the heat of summer sunshine
I miss you like nobody else
In the heat of summer sunshine
I kiss you, and nobody needs to know

The happy life

Ok, so yeah, I got facebook. Whatever. Not a big deal. I haven't been morally opposed to it for over a year now or anything. It's all cool.

So I have trials in less than a week. And I don't know anything. Which is a discovery I have made quite recently. In fact, I mainly don't know anything about physics. Which is really quite worrying. But whatever, life happens, you know?



So I will bid you adieu and continue to study.
I just wanted to reassure everyone that I haven't yet killed myself from the stress of year12 (but I make no guarantees for the future).



I heard that you're settled down
That you found a girl
And you're married now
I heard that your dreams came true
Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you

Old friend, why are you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over

Never mind I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
"Don't forget me," I begged
"I'll remember," you said
"Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead."
Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead, yeah

You know how the time flies
Only yesterday was the time of our lives
We were born and raised in a summer haze
Bound by the surprise of our glory days

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over.

Never mind I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
"Don't forget me," I begged
"I'll remember," you said
"Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead."

Nothing compares, no worries or cares
Regrets and mistakes, they are memories made.
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

Never mind I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
"Don't forget me," I begged
"I'll remember," you said
"Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead"