If wishes were horses

Confession #38: I care more about what other people want from me than what I want from myself.

"To me Wasting Time is about how there are people who are so bothered by what everyone else is doing that they forget who they are themselves."
"I believe in words, music, wishes." – samsara-rain



Here is my wishlist. Because everyone has the right to wishes =)

1. Overqualified
" Cover letters are all the same. They're useless. You write the same lies over and over again, listing the store-bought parts of yourself that you respect the least. God knows how they tell anyone apart, but this is how it's done.

And then one day a car comes out of nowhere, and suddenly everything changes and you don't know if he'll ever wake up. You get out of bed in the morning, and when you sit down to write another paint-by-numbers cover letter, something entirely different comes out.

You start threatening instead of begging. You tell impolite jokes. You talk about your childhood and your sexual fantasies. You sign your real name and you put yourself honestly into letter after letter and there is no way you are ever going to get this job. Not with a letter like this.

And you send it anyway."
That's what the book is about.


2. Dragons cap

You see, last ANZAC Day, when I went to the footy with my dad + sister, the sun was in our eyes. And everyone else had a cool cap. And I didn't. And it was very sad. And you don't want me to be sad, do you?


3. Star Wars Poster.

From episode 5, because it was clearly the best episode. Having most action with least confusion. And I want a poster because the only one I have in my room at the moment is all puppies. And they are getting lonely. And if you get me a poster with yoda or one of the droids on it, I will love you for always and forever. =)


4. An in flames tshirt.

I dont have many tshirts that fit me at the moment, because my family refuses to take me shopping. and I've decided to only buy stuff iI like. Hence the yoda. In flames is cool, though, and I want a tshirt.


5. A set of rainbow highlighters.

Like, a really big set. Not the crappy 4 colours and they call it rainbow. A REAL rainbow. I will share them, i promise. =) And I will study with them, and they will make me happy.


6. Hugs

Because hugs are the best thing ever. And when the free hugs guy gets old and sad, I'm gonna steal his job. And I'm going to wonder around the city, and hug everyone who needs a hug. I like hugs. =)

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps

Confession #14: I'm totally craving jelly, and cookies and cream right now.

" There are a million important things to do. But none as important as lying here next to you. "

"The biggest war is inside ourselves." – Still small. Still searching



I've decided to stop being so damn selfish. Because I know I am all the time. And quite frankly, I'm sick of it. I've decided that from today, I'm going to be a better person. There will be no more Ebonytime. Ebony needs to spend more time with other people. I will slightly neglect my Sims even. I'm going to stop doing things for myself, and start doing things for other people. This has gone on long enough.

Miss me.

Confession #13: I just realised that I haven't blogged all week and thus broke my new years resolution. In bloody november =(

"The average person tells 4 lies a day, or 1460 a year a total of 88,000 by the age of 60. And the most common lie is: I’m fine."

"They say I'm like my mother......" - katielea



Dammit. Sometime I feel like a royal idiot.
And I'm not really sure why.
I mean, I can't really think of something particularly stupid I've done lately.
I'm just so sad.
Most of the time it's because big things are so far out of my control and I want to help, or stop things from happening, or just create a smile, but I can't. Because I'm so insignificant.



I feel like stuffing a huge pillow in my face.
Or whacking myself over the head with something.
I feel like hiding, actually.
Because everything is so much bigger than me.
And I am so small.
I don't even matter.



I'm trying so hard to be better, to do better, to act better.
I'm not so sure I even know what IS better.
What am I comparing it all to?

...what the hell am I even doing?



I know that.
I know they're not the best.
I just don't know what I want from the best.
I don't know what I want from myself.
I don't know where I'm going.
And I don't know who I'm taking.
But you're all welcome to come along for the ride.



And then you mention something that you've been hiding the whole time and there's nothing I can really do but cry because you didn't trust me to know in the first and you definately don't trust me to be able to help and I thought that maybe I was actually good for you but now I realise that I'm exactly what you don't need and nothing I ever do will be good enough for someone as beautiful as you and I know I'm not worth it but I thought I was because I've always put all this effort into doing the right thing before I realise that what I'm doing is wrong and it's a vicious cycle I'm stuck in and in the end I know I'm just going to end up lonely.



I don't even know who would miss me at this stage.
Everyone seems so happy to just walk away and leave me here.
I think people just assume I don't need them.
Because I don't tell them everyday like I used to.
And I want to tell you all how much I need you.
But I'm so embarrassed.
To be tied to something so insignificant.


Ugh, I think I need to go to bed.
Sorry for my ranting.

August.

I am 3:34 into my English speech. *claps*
And I actually like it. *cheers*
And I've decided I want to do it on the second day.
Well...
Hancock won't like me, so it has to be first 2 days. And first day is with Ms Young's replacement, but I dunoo who it will be. And Kolodziej really liked my speeches in year 8 (yes, back when Amy & I were teachers pets). But, I guess, he's so bloody moody.... it depends on how the Tigers go :L.

Oh, and it is August today, isn't that exciting???
It's my doggy's birthday on Friday.
He's turning 6! =O=O
So now he's old.
And soon I shall have to stop referring to him as "puppy".
But he's still small =)

Ok, I'm wasting time and I have things (including assignments) to do.
Goodbye sunshines!

Ponderisms

My mum sends me a whole bunch of fabulous emails (so what if the only person to email me is my mum??!!!), and this is one that is awesome.


I
used to eat a lot of natural foods until I
learned that most people die of natural causes.


Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best
way to make sure you are removing a weed and not
a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes
out of the ground easily, it is a valuable
plant.


The easiest way to find something
lost around the house is to buy a
replacement.


Never take life seriously
Nobody gets out alive anyway.


There are
two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the
dead.


Life is sexually
transmitted..


Health is merely the
slowest possible rate at which one can
die.


The only difference between a rut
and a grave is the depth.


Health nuts
are going to feel stupid someday, lying in
hospitals dying of nothing.


Have you
noticed since everyone has a camcorder these
days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they
used to?


Whenever I feel blue, I start
breathing again


All
of us could take a lesson from the weather. It
pays no attention to
criticism.


In the 60's, people took acid to make
the world weird. Now the world is weird
and people take Prozac to make it normal.


How
is it one careless match can start a forest
fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?


Who was the first person to look at a
cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly
things here, and drink whatever comes out?'


Who was the first person to say, 'See
that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing
that comes outta its butt.'


Why is there
a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?


If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares,
why is there a song about him?

If
quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?


Do
illiterate people get the full effect of
Alphabet Soup?


Did you ever notice that
when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at
you, but when you take him on a car ride, he
sticks his head out the window?


Why
doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Quizzes are for losers.

Hello sunshines.

And welcome to suicide.

Quiz style.

SUICIDE QUIZ.
Hi, whats your name?: Ebony
Would you date your best friend?: Of course :L
On a date, who should pay?: Whoever has more money i.e. me! =D
What's your IQ?: uhh, I dunno
A song ever made you cry?: mhmm
A movie?: most of them
Book?: yup, the first was Rainbow Fish
What was the last movie you watched?: The Hannah Montana movie!! :O:O
Who was the hero?: uhm, i wasn't really paying attention :/
What are you looking forward to?: tomorrow
What would you do if you were pregnant?: Jump up and down and scream and celebrate :L
What time is it?: 10:39am
How long are you williing to spend on a survey?: I'm guessing a while
Do you rock at Guitar Hero?: Only when I team up with someone :L
Who is your favorite Jonas Brother?: Nick
Did you like High school Musical?: I did indeed
Have you ever told someone (who isn't your family/friends) you Love them?: yes
Do you kiss your friends on the cheek?: sometimes
Lips?: only lisa :L
Ever been on a diet?: yup
Play an instrument?: I wish
Is the Clarinet sexy?: AAAHH! ZOE G!!!
Do you believe in God?: I don't think so
Karma?: yeah
Let's say Heaven/Hell exists. If you died now, where are you headed?: lets say they don't.
Does that scare you?: not at all
Are you okay?: I think… yeah, I'm ok
How long are you willing to wait for true love?: :L I stand on the 5^th amendment
What is the most you've ever eaten in one sitting?: not a whole lot

Do you pray a lot?: never
What's your bed made of?: dunno
Do you have any posters in your room?: no, I just have my wall of wisdom
Who is the sexiest superhero?: me!!
How many songs are on your iPod?: I don't' have an ipod
What's your ringtone?: accidentally in love
Do you know anyone who's "perfect?": define perfect
Would you date yourself?: lol, hell no! I am the most annoying bitch EVER
Are you prettier than all your friends?: hell no
Do you ever look in the mirror and think "God, i'm pretty!": no.
Have you ever walked by a shop window and checked yourself?: no.
Have you changed in the past year?: I guess… yeah
Which of your friends has changed the most?: amy
What grade are you in?: 10
What show can you absolutely NOT stand?: ghost whisperer. It gives me nightmares =(
Do you like surgical shows?: HOUSE
Can your entire life change in a second?: yeah
Ever been on a boat?: are we talking about a leaky boat?
Do you like nautical print?: not really
Do you think you could be a model?: no (that's right Mr Someone)
Would you ever wear mint green tights?: yep
Pink legwarmers?: EW! pink.
Mint tights & pink legwarmers?: no
Would you rather have no eyebrows or no eyelashes?: no eyebrows
What do you think of Zac Efron?: he has his moments
Do you know who Zacquisha is?: no
What's worse: Seeing your ex with someone else or being alone?: being alone, there's nothing wrong with seeing your ex with someone else, theyre your ex.
Do you have someone who loves you no matter what?: yupp
What age do you wanna get married?: dunno
Quick! Make a wish!: I always wish for the same thing =(
Ever done an all nighter?: yep
Ever had a cliche sleepover party with hair braiding, and gossip?: no
If you saw your first crush in the street, what would happen?: I see him on the street all the time
What's the weirdest day of the week?: monday
What's your ethnicity?: half white half spanish
What do you think of men in short shorts?: :L yes, entertaining
What's your middle name?: rae
Named after anyone?: no
Ever had a really unpleasant cab ride?: No
Ever laughed out loud at the TV?: yess
Ever laughed out loud at Seinfeld?: no.
You've done 100 questions! Congrats!: only?
Are you sick right now?: nop
What mouthwash do you use?: I don't either
What time is it?: time to get a watch.... 10:49
Isn't Christian Bale so sexy?: *googles Christian bale* gah! No.
Would you spray paint your phone number on the Jonas Brothers' tour bus?: no.
Girls have: issues
Does your town/city suck?: no
Where does your best friend live?: nsw
Do you have a job?: yupp
Ever worked double shift?: noo
Ever been arrested?: nop
Ever done something illegal?: maybe
Do you do your own laundry?: yeah, me and my sis
Do you read Gossip Magazines?: no
Hate anyone right now?: yes, you
What color is your undies?: blue

Can you sing?: not well
Like old music?: =D yes
Do you think your're beautiful?: yes

Would you ever go to Camp Rock?: yeah
East High?: no
Do you get paranoid late at night?: yes

Is there something you really want to say to someone right now?: yes
What was your most akward moment with a guy?: i dunno
How old do you look?: id say about 15 :L
In the shower, do you start the water then get in, or get in first?: start the water otherwise die of coldness

Do you play animal crossing?: no
Can you change a flat tire? no
What was the last thing you bought?: a bus ticket
Are you ticklish?: very.
Is tickling cute or annoying?: both
Do you take the bus?: occassionally
What would you do without Bzoink?: uhm, well, you see… <>
Can a girl and a guy be Just friends?: of course.
Have you ever started a rumor?: no
Have you ever been confronted?: yes
Have you ever confronted someone?: yes
Do you smoke?: no
Would you ever be a waitress at a 50s diner?: YESS!!
SOS by Rihanna or S.O.S by the Jonas Brothers?: SOS by ABBA
What was the best year of your life?: year 8?
Ever had a summer romance?: no
What's the nicest thing anyone's ever done for you?: sketch me <3
Do songs ever remind you of colors?: noo, unless its like "im blue da ba di" or "it was all yellow"
What's the longest survey you've ever done?: that one that was 15 pages in word :/
How old were you when you started wearing makeup?: 14
How many times have you seen Mean Girls?: uhmm, 2?
Where is the weirdest place you've ever fallen asleep?: no where
Barefoot or shoes?: barefoot
What do you do in the summer?: swim!
Are you bored?: obviously. I mean, seriously, im talking to ab
Do you have a facebook/myspace?: no, no
Where was your profile picture taken?: I don't have one
Do you like lipgloss?: yeah
What song do you ALWAYS sing along to?: anything by westlife/abba/john farnham/the monkees/the beatles/a few others
When was the last time you wore a dress?: my great uncles funeral? Or else school dress in term 1.
What was the last TV show you watched?: ncis
What was the last song you played over and over and over?: calling you
Ever been so in love that you just giggled randomly?: :L yes!
Are you pyschic?: I can be
Can you feel your hipbones?: yes
Ever had an emotionally destructive relationship?: no
Ever stayed in bed for an entire day?: no =(
When was the last time you slept somewhere other than your bed?: cap
Can you do this survey until the end?: I might
Are you a rambler?: yes
Are hip piercings pointless?: yes
Ever been to Australia?: once
Do you have freckles?: I used to, I dunno anymore
What's your favorite band?: in flames <>
Where do you wish you grew up?: right here.
Do you like farms?: sorta
Do you know anyone with the same name as you?: yup
Is your name common?: no
What is the best compliment you've ever gotten?: "Your smile makes me happy" =DD
Are you a morning person?: yeah
Or a night owl?: at times (if im high on caffeine)
How often do you moisturize?: uhm, never?
Anyone ever called you beautiful?: yes =DD
Are you bang bang scene?: uhh, maybe?
If you were a tree, what tree would you be?: a gum tree
What would be your last meal?: pancakes
What do you think of Vanessa Hudgens?: great voice! And shes pretty
And her photo scandal?: not a big deal
What are your chances of being with your crush?: very very high :L
Ever been to a funeral?: too many =(
Do you take a lot of pictures of yourself?: never.
Do you own anything chanel?: no
What does your wallet look like?: its full of cards
Are you rich?: yes
What do you think of Justin Timberlake?: meh
Does what goes around really come back around?: yeah
Or is that just a song?: no, its trur
What are you listening to?: breathe – anna nalick
What do you like about that song?: "but my god it's so beautiful when the boy smiles, wanna hold him, maybe I'll just sing about it"
Are your legs prickly right now?: …no
Whats your favorite kind of muffin?: I don't like muffins that much =O
When was the last time you cried?: Hannah Montana movie :/
Are you a happy person?: usually
What superpower do you want?: to be able to fly

What do you want to be when you grow up?: happy
Have you planned out your life?: sorta
Are you a good writer?:no, but im a good blogger :L
Are you an english-arts person or a math-science person?: math-science!!!
What's your favorite kind of accent?: yeah, sorta british I guess
Are you sick of this survey yet?: no! im that bored!
Whats your favorite piece of clothing?: jeans =D
Is Big Rob for real?: well, duh
Do you paint?: no
Isn't Lizzie McGuire the worst show ever?: no, its cool
Do you surf?: :L I did once =O
What are you going to do after you finish this survey?: get ready for work
Will you even finish this survey?: I don't think so :L
Do you make surveys?: I made one
Do you like the beach boys?: YES!! Fab fabbity

Would you rather meet Zac Efron or Chase Crawford?: what? No Tyson ritter?
Do you like your friends?: I love them
Pick five friends: uhm uhm, amy, jenny, lisa, joannie, victor (judy doesn't like me anyway =P)
Is number one your best friend?: yeah
Are they annoying?: no, that's me :L

Is number two good looking?: yeah, heaps
Do they like the Jonas Brothers?: nup
Are they good advice givers?: always
How old are they?: 15. lisa = 16
Is number three a blonde?: lisa? No.
Do they gossip a lot?: :L yeah
Ever wanted to kiss them?: cough.
Is number four mean?: jo? Never.
How did you meet?: school
What's their favorite storee?: I dunno
Does number five even exist?: Sometimes I have my doubts that he's real
Do they have a facebook?: lisa and amy do
Has it been an hour since you started yet?: nop
How long have you been single?: im not :L
Do you wish you were fourteen again?: no
Any mosquito bites?: its winter!
Ever seen a gynaecologist?: no :L
Would you date one?: no
Is it my business?: not really
What day is it?: Wednesday
Do you NEED anyone?: maybe
Are you top priority in someone besides your family's life?: I think… maybe?
Are you a cheerleader?: hell no
Have an AIM?: msn
Ever gotten revenge on someone?: yes, it was nice
Is there such thing as the perfect man?: dunno
Do you think Lindsay Lohan will ever make a comeback?: dunno
How about Britney Spears!: no!
Did you play in the streets?: lol, outside? Never!
Ever been so embarrased you just ran away and hid?: yes
Ever tried to read the bible?: yep
Are you excited for school?: YES
Are all your friends prettier than you?: well, yeah
Do you have any spots you miss while shaving?: :L ankles
Addicted to anything?: I have a list
Do you like Taylor Swift?: yeah
Isn't she just the prettiest?: no, ugly eyes :L
Ever yelled SHOTGUNNN: yes
Do you live in Seattle?: no
Do you want to?: twould be nice
Would you rather listen to heavy metal or bluegrass?: lol, heavy metal
What do you hide from your parents?: nothing anymore
What's your favorite lollipop flavour?: green apple or grape
Ever had green apple?: lol, yeah
Are you planning on going to bed soon?: no.

Goes to work.

Returns.

Is God a DJ?: well, life is a dancefloor.
Did you ever like Jesse McCartney?: waaaaay after the hype.
What age does one become an adult?: there is no age
What age does one become a teen?: 13
What age is legal in your country?: 16
Do you even know what that means?: it means…
If you were a parent, would you let your 6th grader on myspace?: yeah
Do you remember the 90s?: yup
Do you think American Apparell is just a bunch of shiny crap?: uhh, maybe?
Have you ever camped out for a band/show?: no
Would you go against all your morals/beliefs for a hundred grand?: nop
Do you have your phone nearby?: I have no idea where it is, but it has a flat battery and not much credit :L
Grab it.: no
Whats your wallpaper?: windang beach. I know, im pathetic
Phone?: nokia 6288
How many text messages do you have?: 198. im still pathetic
Who was the last person who texted you?: victor
What did the text say?: to call him if I got bored :L
How did you reply?: I didnt
When was the last time you saw them?: school
Would you drop 50 pounds right now?: no
Do you know your BMI?: I found out in health last year. But since then ive grown and lost weight =S
Have you ever been really awkward in Health Class?: yeah
Have you ever set something on fire?: a candle. Im so funny.
Have you ever written all over a chalkboard?: yeah
Then gotten in trouble?: no
Friends or Boyfriends?: both =)
Guys or girls?: guys are less bitchy. Iam currently talking to 5 guys and 0 girls on msn. :L
Are your friends jealous when you hang out with other people?: yes. But its my fault :L
How often do you get the hiccups?: every now and then
What's your reputation around school?: I honestly don't care
Do you like the name Harriet?: Harriet the Spy!
Ever seen gay guys PDA?: uhm, no
Gay girls?: yes, actually, at the station. Weird.
A straight couple?: yeah
When was the last time you saw your crush?: school
Do you want to be an actor?: I used to
Can you dance?: nop
Does this feel like a marathon?: no, I stopped halfway through and went to work :L
What soap do you use?: bath gel
Do you like the smell?: its ok
Ever been on Broadway?: no
Would you ever stuff 100 cinnamon hearts in your mouth?: no
For a thousand dollars?: no
To marry Joe Jonas?: no
Do you feel a little tired of this quiz yet?: not really
What is the worst movie ever?: I dunno
Do you think Bella will be better with Edward or Jacob?: LOL! Neither.
Or neither?: :L yeah
Do you roleplay?: uhh, sure
Are you a noob?: very much so
Have you ever added a robot on MSN?: yeah
Do you have a SideKick?: no
Ever had a nightmare?: yup. I saw your face.
Ever read a self help book?: YES! I'm so lame! I even quoted it to someone!!
Ever been on medication?: yes <>
Are you interesting?: I can be (no)
Do you own any friendship bracelets?: I gave one to someone, and she gave it back. I give up now!

Would you get your lover's name tattooed on yourself?: no
Would you ever get tattoed?: yes I want a heart on my hip
Do you have razor burn?: no
Dry hair?: no
How do you cure dry hair?: you wet it. (I'm soooo funny)
Do you straighten your hair?: I did on Tuesday.. I sometimes do. Once when I was home alone I did for the hell of it.
How often?: when im bored
What's your favorite candy?: I duno
Does anyone have a crush on you?: :L yeah
Wear a thong?: no
Spandex?: no
Tight pants?: maybe?
Can your crush make mustard yellow tight pants look good?: can anyone?
Ever taken photography pictures?: yeah
And then came out suckish? no
Exercise?: don't swear.
Are you sexy?: no
Pads or Tampons?: pads
Can you bake?: yup
Ever had Lemon Cheesecake?: yep
Do you use the computer at the library?: never.
Where will your life be in a year?: if only I knew…
Five years?: see above
Twenty five years?: see above
Five million years?: it won't be.
Do you keep up appearances?: no
What do you usually get for your birthday?: hugs.
If you could be someone else for a day, who would it be?:
What time is it?: 8:46
Do you think things through?: nop
What is your guilty pleasure?: chocolate
If you could choose to get a new Camera, iPod, or Phone, which one?: ipod
Do you believe in magic?: "in a young girl's heart?" yes, I do
What toothpaste do you use?: Colgate
Toothbrush?: dunno
Do you floss?: uh, yeah
If it cost 10 cents to do this survey, would you pay?: yeah
Ever online dated?: no
Would you pay money to find your true love online?: no
Is there such thing as an only love/true love/soulmate?: apparently I said there wasn't :L. but I dunno
Who do you think is yours?: amy.
Do you have any clothing that your mom does not approve of?: yeah, too many pairs of jeans apparently
How long did it take you to memorize your phone number?: after reading it the first time I knew it, very useful tool for stalkers
Have you ever believed in fairies?: "down in the dell, the fairies dance and sing" :')
Are you stressed or pissed off right now?: not anymore
What was the last phonecall you got?: from dad (me too amy!!)
Have you been doing this survey nonstop or have you taken breaks?: yeah, work
Are you planning anything?: your demise
What day is it today?: Wednesday. Still.
Are you artistic?: hell no
Do you make your own clothes?: nop
If you had to make your own clothes, would they be nice?: yeas
Oprah or Ellen?: ellen
Do you think The Hills is fake?: yes (ive seen it once!!! ==O)
Have any games on your phone?: nop
Which ones?: nop
Do you have the Sims?: yes

Be honest, did you ever kill any of your sims?: I deleted her, but she came back. And I accidentally starved some to death, but didn't save it. So brought them back
On purpose?: no!
When was the last time you sharpened your eyeliner?: I don't have one
Do you even wear eyeliner?: never
What makeup do you wear?: I wear mascara to work. And then get panda eyes every Monday morning :L
What order do you put it on?: well, with one item, its not hard to get it in order
Just concealer or just lipgloss?: concealer, for ugly days
Can you complete these lyrics: "In this crazy life, and through these crazy times . . .": it's you, it's you, you make me sing
Do your friends get along with each other?: well, mosyle :L
Do you have a "thing" you are in the group? Like: "The short one." etc?: the loud/annoying one
Do you listen to the radio?: no
Is there a song that you wish was about you?: yeah
What's your next meal?: breakfast

Aww, it's done =(

Surveys from Rosa

This is not an addiction. I just saw this on Rosa's blog, and thought it was awesome, so I stole it, and yus, here we all stand.

What's your name and how did you get it?
When I was just a baby little foetus, my mummy was watching a very stupid teenager thingo tv show. and on it was a girl called ebony, and she though "!! what an awesomeliful name!" and here i stand

Do you consider yourself creative?
No.

Prove me wrong, say something creative:
something creative.

What is the last random thing you did?
Uhm, I'm not suure.

Describe your personality:
I am a little pyscho, but I'm very deep too. =)

What is your favorite music genre?
How the hell do I know?

Do you ever daydream about being famous?
No, I'm cooler than that

Boyfriend/Girlfriend's name:
Victor =)

Describe your relationship with that person:
Well, we're a little odd :L (Him more than me)

What is your lifetime goal?
To be happy =)

Do you have any celebrity crushes?
No. Well, there is Mark Harmon...

What "label" would you consider yourself as?
I don't know. I don't really fit anywhere.

Name some major pet peeves:
People with crappy grammar. =P

What type of Blogger Layout do you tend to have?(Default, skinny..):
Dots!

Would you consider yourself organized?
Depends what I'm organising

What type of clothes do you wear most?
Jeans. Always jeans.

Do you play any instruments?
No.

Have you ever met a celebrity?
I dunno.

Describe the experience:
Memorable.

Are you more city or country?
City. Very city.

Where do you plan to live in the future?
I dunno.

Have you ever written a song/poem for/about someone?
Many.

Do you give weak or strong hugs?
Oh, well, you know, they're not that strong... <>

Are you a cuddler?
Yes!!

What type of books do you tend to read?
I don't

Has anyone called you a Bitch recently? If so, why?
Probably my sister =S

How happy are you most of the time?
Very happy. Some would say high... they may or may not be right

What is your favorite song? Why do you like it?
Like, like, ever??!! uhmm, jeez, runaway?? or maybe like, hooked on a feeling, or i hate the music, or something like that...

What kind of perfume/cologne attracts you to the opposite sex?
I have no clue either.

Would you say you're more Pirate or Ninja?
Ninja. Jackie's ninja! >:)

Do you make your own words/phrases?
All of the time, yeah

Don't you hate it when other people steal them?
No, love it!

How original would you say you were?
not very.

How many times a day do you look at yourself in a mirror?
I try not to.

Has anyone ever called you conceited?
Many, many times

Do you gossip?
I do indeed, I am a girl.

How bad do you hate cheaters and liars?
Cheaters are ok :L You know what, so are liars. It's all good!

Has anyone ever cheated or lied to you?
Yup, it was not the end of the world.

Do you answer questions with complete sentences or just a few words?
Usually a complete sentence, I usually have a lot to say. Apparently I'm a bit like that in real life too...

Do you prefer Haha or LOL?
i prefer :L

Do you like your smile/laugh?
Not really. On msn i do :L

Are you more personality or looks?
I'm hoping personality. =(

Did you just lie and put personality?
Yes. =(

How jealous can you get?
I don't really get jealous.

Have you really ever been so depressed, you wanted to die?
Yep

Don't you think Hello Kitty is just adorable?
No. No I do not.

Be honest, Britney Spears's music is okay, right?
Uhmm, suure.

Have you ever wished you had a British accent?
Yes, so I could say the loveactually opening the way it should be said

Have you ever lied about not liking a singer/band, but really did?
Not that I know of.

Do you still watch cartoons?
I never did. I'm lame.

Are you more Converse and Avril or High Heels and Simpson?
All of the above.

Makeup and gossip or piercings and screamo?
All of the above.

Plaid and ACDC or cowboy boots and Keith Urban?
None of the above.

Are you on any ADD medication?
No. But we're working on getting the help I need.

Would you rather watch a chick flick or a horror movie on a date?
chick flick. i'm scared of horror movies.

Do you ever just sing or dance for the fun of it?
no, i do it cuz it makes me feel free.

Do you ever wear mix matched socks?
yup. i'm cool like that.

Do people ever misspell/mispronounce your name?
last name, moreso

Do you have Grammar OCD?(Spelling/Grammar must be right):
YESSS!

Are you a survey geek?
No <>

Rosa/Amy's survey

Heyyy babycakes, you got a name?
Hi, I'm Ebony, and I am cool.

haha kidding! anyways..ever choked on a peanut?
Uhh, probably

What do you think about Kristen Stewart's role in Twilight?
She can't act. What a letdown.

Who was the last person to say 'I love you' to you?
My mummy =)

Got a song stuck in your head?
always

I thought so, what song is it?
us against the world - westlife.

Are you tired of everyone saying 'That's what she said.'?
no, i think it's hilarious. even my parents say it =S. but i sitll laugh.

Are you interested in anyone?
of course

Is anyone interested in you??
lol, i believe so

Do you have a youtube account?
no =( i am lame.

If so, who is someone your subscribed to?
repeat: i am lame

Who was the last person to text you?
my last 4 messages are optus. but before that, my mum. repeat: i am lame.

Are you an only child?
no

Can you sing?
i try

Are you a good liar?
depends what i'm lying about. usually yes, unless i want them to know im lying.

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
as much wood as a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood

Say a random song lyric.
(8) it's the way she's always smiling, that makes me think she never cries. i feel like i'm losing my defences to the colour of her eyes. and every little piece of her is right... everytime we meet, the picture is complete, everytime we touch, the feeling is too much. she's all i ever need to fall in love again.

ok, ill stop now. i really like that song though. actually read it please!

Do you talk too much?
usually

Do you sometimes say what your thinking and not realize it?
:L yeah

What are you wearing?
pjs

Quick! Get up and run around the room!
lol. you wish.

Do you wear skinny jeans?
only my green ones. cuz they're green.

Are you currently drinking anything?
no

What did you do last night?
i had subway (be jealous) and there i saw someone from my primary who recognised me, but i didnt recognise her :L. but i did when she told me who she was. and went to my grandpas to watch the footy, and chatted to my aunties about random stuff. and then my mum joined. so it was me, nikki, mum, and 2 aunties. it was sooo fun. realisation: "god is obviously a man"

Who are your three favorite people to text?
i don't text people. repeat: i am lame. HOWEVER Attention all people that are also lame, I will text you as much as you like until July 1, cuz I have $50 credit I have to use by then or else I lose it. If you want to feel unlame, let me know!!

What's your favorite pick-up line?
lol, agree with rosa
"Did you know the distance from my elbow to my wrist is the same as from your shoulder to shoulder"

What's the WORST pick-up line you've ever heard?
"you're beautiful, i'm ugly, let's have average children" stolen from ms campbell :L

Has anyone hit on you in the past two weeks?
=S yes.

Are you wearing any jewelry?
no. is that how you spell it? that looks wrong.

Do you have any stalkers?
YES!! my smithteens stalker!! thankyou smithteens stalker!!!

Have you met Brooke or Mollie?
well, no

They're awesome :)
not as awesome as me.

Have you ever held a pig?
lol, yes.

Do you enjoy amusement parks?
no, i hate rides, they make me dizzy.

What is your least favorite ride at any amusement park?
all of them. except ferris wheels. and the rides where you throw balls in clowns mouths, and win stuffed toys, i like those.

Are you going muddin' anytime soon?
well, only if you are

I am :) me and Mollie are goin this summer! :)
i hope you have fun

Are you redneck?
you know that's a song? and no.

Do you have a little sister?
no

Is your best friend a guy?
define best friend.

Do you hate anyone?
boarders, collectively. apart from that, not really.

Do you like baseball?
i am not american.

Do people ever listen to you?
rarely

Have you ever fallen off a horse?
no, ive never ridden a horse

Do you like riding four-wheelers?
i think this means car, in which case, suure.

Do you like the band Hey Monday?
i don't know them

How 'bout Paramore?
yes, but they went bad when they did the twilight soundtrack

Have you ever been in the back on a Police car?
no

Do you like the Jonas Brothers?
i'm not sure. usually i follow my sister's musical taste (shocking, i know) and she likes them, so i guess i do.

Are you going to see their new 3D concert?
no

Do you like Nascar?
uhmm, no?

Gives Me Hope

one - you don't realise that that's where i was too. and it's stronger than you think
TWO - JUST BECAUSE WE CAN DEAL WITH IT DOESN'T MEAN IT WAS EVER OKAY.
three - i'm trying for you, you know? i did try for you. it was all for you.
four - people think i'm silly when i tell them. maybe i am silly. but it's the right thing for me.

Do we all remember Back In The Day when I used to blog all the time? Like, everyday. Multiple times. Very very long. Don't we all miss that day?

Anyways. Today, I am introducing you to ANOTHER website. Oh goodie, another brilliant waste of time! Actually, this one is so so awesome. We all know FML, right? Sure, we all read, we all laugh, we're all glad our lives aren't that screwed up.

But there is a BETTER website. Because, well, to be perfectly honest, it gives me hope. The website is givesmehope.com and at the moment, it's still relatively short. What with only 5 pages. But it is soo inspirational. GMH. =)

...Ok, well, I have maths homework to do. And that stupid English assigment. That I think I'm doing wrong. Point being: I'm procrastinating. So I'll blog again later. Ciao!

Wish you were here =)

Movie madness

SUPPOSEDLY if you've seen over 85 films, you have no life. There are 240 films on this list, put x's next to the films you've seen, then add them up.


() Rocky Horror Picture Show (i REALLY wanna see that!!)
(x) Grease
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest
( ) Boondock Saints
() Fight Club
( ) Starsky and Hutch
(x) Neverending Story
( ) Blazing Saddles
( ) Airplane
Total: 4

() The Princess Bride
( ) Anchorman
(x) Napoleon Dynamite
( ) Labyrinth
( ) Saw
( ) Saw II
( ) White Noise
( ) White Oleander
() Anger Management
(x) 50 First Dates
(x) The Princess Diaries
(x) The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
Total so far: 8

( ) Scream
( ) Scream 2
( ) Scream 3
( ) Scary Movie
( ) Scary Movie 2
( )Scary Movie 3
( ) Scary Movie 4
( ) American Pie
( ) American Pie 2
( ) American Wedding
( ) American Pie Band Camp
Total so far: 8

(x) Harry Potter 1
(x) Harry Potter 2
(x) Harry Potter 3
(x) Harry Potter 4
(x) Harry Potter 5
( ) Resident Evil 1
( ) Resident Evil 2
() The Wedding Singer
( ) Little Black Book
( ) The Village
( x) Lilo & Stitch
Total so far: 14

(x) Finding Nemo
(x) Finding Neverland
( ) Signs
(x) The Grinch
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
( ) White Chicks
( ) Butterfly Effect ( i rented it but never got around to watcing it =()
(x) 13 Going on 30 aka Suddenly 30
(x) I, Robot
(x) Robots
Total so far: 20

( ) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
( ) Universal Soldier
(x) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
( ) Along Came Polly
( ) Deep Impact
( ) KingPin
(x) Never Been Kissed
(x) Meet The Parents
( ) Meet the Fockers
( ) Eight Crazy Nights
( ) Joe Dirt
( ) King Kong (2003)
Total so far: 23

(x) A Cinderella Story
( ) The Terminal
(x) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
( ) Dumb & Dumber
( ) Dumber & Dumberer
( ) Final Destination
( ) Final Destination 2
( ) Final Destination 3
( ) Halloween
( ) The Ring
( ) The Ring 2
( ) Surviving X-MAS
(x) Flubber
Total so far: 26

( ) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
( ) Practical Magic
( ) Chicago
( ) Ghost Ship
( ) From Hell
( ) Hellboy
( ) Secret Window
( ) I Am Sam
( ) The Whole Nine Yards
( ) The Whole Ten Yards
Total so far: 26

(x) The Day After Tomorrow
( ) Child's Play
( ) Seed of Chucky
( ) Bride of Chucky
(x) Ten Things I Hate About You
( ) Just Married
( ) Gothika
( ) Nightmare on Elm Street
(x) Sixteen Candles
( ) Remember the Titans
( ) The Grudge
( ) The Grudge 2
( ) The Mask
( ) Son Of The Mask
Total so far: 29

( ) Bad Boys
( ) Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
( ) Lucky Number Slevin
(x) Ocean's Eleven
(x) Ocean's Twelve
(x) Bourne Identity
(x) Bourne Supremacy
( ) Lone Star
( ) Bedazzled
( ) Predator I
( ) Predator II
( ) The Fog
(x) Ice Age
( ) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
(x) Curious George
Total so far: 35

( ) Independence Day
( ) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
( ) Darkness Falls
( ) Christine
(x) ET
( ) Children of the Corn
( ) My Boss's Daughter
( ) Maid in Manhattan
( ) War of the Worlds
( ) Rush Hour
( ) Rush Hour 2
Total so far: 36

( ) Best Bet
(x) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
( ) She's All That
( ) Calendar Girls
( ) Sideways
( ) Mars Attacks
( ) Event Horizon
(x) Ever After
(x) Wizard of Oz
( ) Forrest Gump
( ) Big Trouble in Little China
( ) The Terminator
( ) The Terminator 2
( ) The Terminator 3
Total so far: 39

(x) X-Men
( ) X-Men 2
( ) X-Men 3
(x) Spider-Man
(x) Spider-Man 2
(x) Sky High
( ) Jeepers Creepers
( ) Jeepers Creepers 2
( ) Catch Me If You Can
(x) The Little Mermaid
(x) Freaky Friday
( ) Reign of Fire
( ) The Skulls
( ) Cruel Intentions
( ) Cruel Intentions 2
( ) The Hot Chick
(x) Shrek
(x) Shrek 2
Total so far: 47

( ) Swimfan
( ) Miracle on 34th street
( ) Old School
(x) The Notebook
( ) K-Pax
( ) Krippendorf's Tribe
(x) A Walk to Remember
( ) Ice Castles
( ) Boogeyman
( ) The 40-year-old Virgin
Total so far: 49

( ) Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring
( ) Lord of the Rings The Two Towers
( ) Lord of the Rings Return Of the King
(x) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
( ) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
( ) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Total so far: 50

( ) Baseketball
( ) Waiting for Guffman
( ) House of 1000 Corpses
( ) Devils Reject
(x) Elf
( ) Highlander
( ) Mothman Prophecies
( ) American History X
( ) Three
Total so Far: 51

( ) The Jacket
( ) Kung Fu Hustle
( ) Shaolin Soccer
( ) Night Watch
(x) Monsters Inc.
(x) Titanic
( ) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
( ) Shaun Of the Dead
( ) Willard
Total so far: 53

( ) High Tension
( ) Club Dread
( ) Hulk
( ) Dawn Of the Dead
(x) Hook
(x) Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
( ) 28 days later
( ) Orgazmo !
( ) Phantasm
( ) Waterworld
Total so far: 55

( ) Kill Bill vol 1
( ) Kill Bill vol 2
() Mortal Kombat
( ) Wolf Creek
( ) Kingdom of Heaven
( ) The Hills Have Eyes
( ) I Spit on Your Grave aka the Day of the Woman
( ) The Last House on the Left
( ) Re-Animator
( ) Army of Darkness
Total so far: 55

(x) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
(x) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
(x) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith
(x) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
(x) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
(x) Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
( ) Ewoks Caravan Of Courage
( ) Ewoks The Battle For Endor
Total so far: 61

(x) The Matrix
( ) The Matrix Reloaded
( ) The Matrix Revolutions
( ) Animatrix
( ) Evil Dead
( ) Evil Dead 2
( ) Team America: World Police
( ) Red Dragon
( ) Silence of the Lambs
( ) Hannibal

OVERALL TOTAL: 62

That's right Rosa, I totally kicked your ass, whilst still having a life. Oh yeah, I'm that cool!

PS: I may blog later. If I'm bothered.

I'm worth $8570

How much are you worth?
PS: Working today, this is all I have time for.

Hair Color:
[] Black = $100
[] Blonde = $50
[] Red = $75
[x] Brown = $15
[] Bald = $5
[] Other=$2

Eye Color:
[x] Brown - $150
[] Green - $75
[] Blue $50
[] Hazel $100
[] Other - $15

Height:
[] Over 7' - $200
[] 6'8" to 7' - $175
[] 6'0" to 6'7" - $150
[x] 5'5" to 5'11" - $75
[]4'9" to 5'4" - $50
[]Under 4'9 - $45

Age:
[] 41 to 50 - $150
[] 31 to 40 - $100
[] 26 to 30 - $75
[] 21 to 25 - $50
[] 19 to 20 - $25
[X] 0 to 18 - $100

Birth Order: mark all that apply
[] Twins or more than twins - $300
[] First Born - $300
[]Only Child - $250
[x]second born - $150
[] Middle child - $100
[x]Last Born - $200
[] third born - $100
[] fourth born - $100
[] fifth born - $375
[] sixth born - $400


Drink?
[x] No - $400
[] Only Holidays - $300 -
[] Sometimes - $215
[] YES - $200
[] only weekends - $250
[] Every other day - $50
[] Once a day - $15
[] I live from the bottle - $0

Vision?
[x] perfect vision - $300
[] need or have glasses/contacts but don't wear them - $200
[] No correction - $100
[] Glasses - $50
[] contacts - $200
[] Surgical correction - $ 135

Car Color [or families' cars]
[x] White - $2,000
[] Maroon - $800
[] Gold - $700
[] Gray - $600
[] Blue - $900
[] Light Blue - $850
[] Pink - $475
[] Black - $450
[] Red - $400
[] Green- $350
[x] Silver - $300
[] Purple - $250
[] Metallic - $200
[] Yellow - $100
[] Primer - $75
[] Tan - $20
[] Rusted - $15
[] No Car - $0

Shoe Size:
[] 13+ - $300
[]12 and a half to 13 - $250
[] 11 to 12 - $700
[] 7 to 10 - $600
[x] Under 7- $850

Favorite Colors (three):
[x]Green - $750
[]Black - $600
[] Red - $800
[x]Yellow -$475
[]Brown - $50
[]Purple - $225
[]Aqua - $350
[]Orange - $300
[x]Blue - $300
[]Pink - $100
[]Other - $ 50

now add up!

Did you use a calculator add it all up?
[] Yes - $0
[x] No - add $1000
[] On some - $750

How many people are you going to tag?
[] 100 - 150 = $2500
[] 90 - 80 = $1000
[] 70 - 60 = $900
[] 50 - 40 = $700
[] 30 - 39 = $500 (30 is the limit)
[] 20 - 29 = $100
[] 10-19 = $50
[] 1 - 9 = $5
[x] However many are in your contacts = $1500

you are worth: $8570

Well, at least I beat Rosa, right?

Appreciate.

Today, for the first time since my blog was born
(Yes, that was 200 posts ago, oh I am so old)
I actually organised my linkage on the side.
As in, Rosa and Judy's links actually lead to their blogs.
And Shailin and Uyen's old blogs were deleted.
(And I have a feeling they don't want me to add new links)

Anyways, Rosa told me off, cuz her gizmo on her old page said everyone was going there from my page. So now you can all her to her NEW page! Isn't that exciting??
And I should really follow Judy's new blog...

Anyway! The only people I left off my list are those who I don't think want to be on it. Or those I don't follow, or those I lost the link to since Charlie came back from hospital.
If you wish to be linked.
TELL ME!
I promise, I will link you.
You will have your own little green underline that changes colour when it's clicked on. It's very exciting, really.


AND!!

I want to rename my blog.
Because although the rhyme is oh so clever, (admit it. place. space. SKILLS!), it is old.
And I need a change.
So, any ideas?
It has to be clever. And poetic. And eccentric.
But apart from that, anything will do.

Wish you were here,
(It's been a while since I left with that, hasn't it?)

Makes me wonder how YOU feel.

Candy says: In Language Arts today, we had to make a list of things that we were currently 'currently wondering about'... make your own 'i wonder' list.

Ask and thou shalt receive (or something along those lines).

I wonder:
* what 1337 speak is
* where lisa went when she just signed out and in on messenger
* why i am not studying as i should be
* what time i have to wake up tomorrow
* how the red hot chili peppers wrote a song as good as the zephyr song
* why azlyrics.com doesn't have lyrics to the zephyr song
* what everyone of my readers are doing right now, as i write this.
* when my next memoir feature will be
* how i'll go in ipt on moday
* how busy work will be tomorrow
* what mark we got for our pe assm
* when i will get a chance to see Dreamgirls (i watched eddie murphy's bio last night)
* who chooses the music at work, they always play good songs
* where the rest of my family is
* how many people will actually read this whole post
* why jenny wasnt replying on msn before
* how many people are watching the little of luna that is in the sky right now
* when imissyou will return to smithteens
* when rachel from smithteens will email me back
* how i went in the drama assm
* when the person im stalking will realise im stalking them
* how many people read my blog
* why i have 95 westlife songs on my computer of only 1342 songs.
* how huge a music library i would have if i loved all bands as much as westlife
* how much i have ripped off westlife by illegally dling all their music
* why i have heard 3 westlife songs in a row
* if anyone else thinks enough to have a list of their own this big
* how bored you would have to be to submit a post for urban dictionary
* who thought up the idea of urban dictionary
* why i am so tired
* what it would be like to meet surviving myself in real life
* if i will ever meet any smithteeners other than those who ive introduced to it
* how the hell im gonna pass IPT if i keep procrastinating
* why purle lollies always taste so good
* why smithteens will never bloody feature me
* why red lollies always taste like panadol
* why im eating lollies when i havent had lunch yet
* if ill just wait till dinner now
* if i even had breakfast
* why charlie wont load smithteens
* when i will actually give up on this list
* when i will stop smithteening
* if smithteening is a better or worse word than tweeting
* if i will figure out that enough is enough
* how many smithteeners are online now
* how many high5s i would have gotten yesterday if i was a better counter
* why my head hurts so much
* why my stomach hurts so much
* why my leg hurts so much
* how i could possibly have wondered all this in a matter of minutes

Ok, that will do.

Charlie still won't copy + paste into blogs so no lyrics.
Sorry for posting so much Corinne, but if you get on MSN ill send you some good study notes =)

Well that's different

There’s a place I go
When I’m alone
Do anything I want
Be anyone I wanna be

This is who I wanna be

one - They talk as if they care. The ask as if it makes a difference. They listen as if they want to know. And it doesn't matter. I'll pretend that everyone cares, and I'll keep talking. Till everything stops hurting, and I am exhausted. And then I will stop. Stop hurting, stop talking stop caring.
TWO - Sometimes my mind drives me insane. The way I overanalyse myself and my life. I'm just like Gigi, as if every word makes a difference. And maybe, to some people, it does.
three - My OCD is killing me. Today in Smiggle I rearranged every single pencil container so that the rainbow striped lined up. And then I found another section...
Why, God, why??
four - The melody in my head is enough. The one that plays softly, sweetly. The one that plays my thoughts, my mood. My own little tune. The tune of infinite harmony, the tune that fits everything today. The tune you'll never be able to write, because the spirit isn't in the notes.

--------------------------------

I still don't have anything to write, per se. (How do you spell that?)

perhaps I shall continue then...

five - and to you it doesn't change a thing, to me it changes everything. but everything looks better in this light. so i'll let you believe what you will.
six - I want to be normal. Nothing more, just normal. Each day I crave normallity. I don't want to be smart or pretty or lucky or talented. I don't want anything I don't have... except normality.
seven - people tell me I have time, that I should stop rushing. No one knows that time is running out, each day it gets closer closer closer.
eight - Because it understood what it's like to miss someone. Someone who still stays close enough to make you smile, make you want them. But not quite close enough, not close enough to see.
nine - The empty pages haunt me. The lack of thought. The lack of being. Every unwritten word pricks my soul. And every word remains unwritten
ten - That's the smile we all miss. The one we all love, the one we haven't seen in a while. Of course, the fake smile is getting better. But we miss your smile.

--------------------------------

huh. im weird :S

Just stupid stuff.

one - 10 out of 10. It's always 10 out of 10.
TWO - When you think about it. You're 1 in 6 billion. 6 billion more important than you. 6 billion more important that what you think, and what you feel. 6 million more important than anything you've ever done. Not a single one more important than him...
three - And I'm a dreamer. I'll always be a dreamer. Sure, I can be realistic, but there'll always be a part of me that doesn't care for the truth. A part of me that can fly, and the only part of me that can feel. The part not afraid to dream.
four - Sometimes you can't help but feel sore.

I have nothing to say.
Because everything I have to say, I can't say, because I shouldn't say, because I shouldn't feel.

And this speechlessness is something entirely new for me.
Then again, so was jealousy.
And so, too, was shyness.

Wow.

Haha, yay for new experiences?

I hate that this blog is so wrong now.
I hate that, it doesn't live up to its purpose.
I hate that it's becoming a bloggyblog.
For the readers, not the writer.
I actually don't like it when people say "I love your blog"
I think "It's my blog, not yours, you're supposed to love it"
And I don't love it as much as I should.
And I KNOW I used to.
It had the happy aura I have been desperatley trying to create around myself all week.

And now I think of it an awful lot, and don't really write what I'm thinking.
Usually because I'm too scared.
Too scared that I will jump, and fall down.
Where did my wings go?

Stupid song

I just turned on media player. put it on random. clicked next, and

STUPID FUCKING SONG!!!

Apologies for language.
I must go now, again.

PS: It's not by matchbox 20 :)

Random thoughts.

one - I tell them off, but I wish they'd mention you more
TWO - "I just wanna open you eyes, and make you realise"
three - You understand, you just pretend you don't
four - it's only words. and words are all i have to take your heart away

I smell like mouldy oranges :S

But that’s irrelevant.
(Well, not if you’re in the same room as me)
(Although no one else can smell it)


HAHA! I just went and sat on my driveway for 10 minutes watching Luna (this is normal for me), and my neighbour comes out and looks at me, and goes “what are you doing?” and I’m like “Uhhh, watching the moon” and he’s like “...right”

LOL! And now I totally forgot what I was gonna write… dammit.

Memoirs, anyone??


This is not your last chance – E. Rigby

And you've got a smile
That could light up this whole town
I haven't seen it in awhile
Since she brought you down
You say you're fine
I know you better than that

Beautiful is a state of mind. – October

The way you walk, the way you talk, the way you say my name
It's beautiful, wonderful, don't you ever change

Take me away. Get lost together. – Quirktastrophe

But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
And it's 2am and I'm cursing your name
You're so in love that you act insane
And that's the way I loved you

Call me different. I say beautiful. - ayanastar

I think he can see through everything
But my heart
First thought when I wake up is
My god he’s beautiful
So I put on my make up
And pray for a miracle

You're the most beautiful person ever. – Thriving Violet

And I stare at the phone, he still hasn't called
And then you feel so low you cant feel nothing at all
And you flashback to when he said forever and always

Spend a lot of time dreaming. – coulda.been.a.comet

And I just wanna show you
She don’t even know you
She's never gonna love you like I want to
You just see right through me but if you only knew me
We could be a beautiful miracle unbelievable instead of just invisible

Always the lover, never the loved. – ilove2shop

So, yeah, that's it!
(*I only borrowed it)

Now I'll stop thinkning about it...

One – I stopped. That was the first step.
TWO – It should make a difference, but it doesn’t
Three – It was just something I had to do
Four – I guess it didn’t make sense in the first place, did it?

Explanation of weird behaviour after drama:

Everything was perfect. The sand, the waves, the rocks, the sun, and especially the person sitting next to me. I was completely at ease. It was beautiful, unbelievable. The feeling of complete relaxation was one I’d never before encountered. This was how my mind relaxed best, imagining you. And then he said “You have to be completely alone”, so I tried. I forced my picture, I warped it, I used all my energy to push you out of my mind. You fled, and I held you away. “Relax” he said. I let go, I stopped pushing; you flooded back to me. No! I forced you away. Pushing, pushing. “Be completely relaxed,” he repeated. No! I can’t! Not if I’m meant to be alone. I opened my eyes and gave up. Relaxation without you doesn’t exist; I guess I should have known.

Things that make me sad

one - Even perfect things come undone

TWO - I didn’t dream of you last night. Relief.

three - It wasn’t all about you. It is now.

four - I just wish someone would ask me…

Hehe.
Today I am blogging about: DEPRESSION.
(yay?)
Not, like, full on though, just…
Well…

I am too happy.
No, really. I’ve never been this happy before. I am self-actualised. I’ve also never been happy for such a long period of time without getting depressed.
And the world works in waves (Go science!)
Which means, after the big uppy wave, comes the big downy wave.
Things have to balance.
So, I’m gonna get depressed.
And the longer I stay happy, the more depressed I’m gonna get.

(Really puts a smile on your face doesn’t it?)

So this is just a warning.
I’m gonna be really sad soon.
And it’s normal. For me.

Oooh, and today I found my depression song
(I always have a song. We all know I have a song for EVERYTHING. This includes depression)
(I think last time it was Try Honesty – Billy Talent)

You wanna know what it is??

BREATHE – Taylor Swift.

(I’m sorry, I love her!!)

I’m scared of how depressed I’m gonna get, too.
But I know it’s gonna happen, gradually…
First, I’ll have to force a smile to make me happy
Then maybe a laugh
Soon, I’ll have to justify happy opinions to myself
And eventually, there’ll be nothing I can do…

UNTIL THEN…

Smile! The stars are watching you.

:L

I’ll see you under the moon. ;)




I see your face in my mind as I drive away,

Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way.

People are people,

And sometimes we change our minds.

But it's killing me to see you go after all this time.

Mmm mmm mmm

Mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm

Mmm mmm mmm

Mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm

Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie,

It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see.

Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down,

Now I don't know what to be without you around.

And we know it's never simple,

Never easy.

Never a clean break, noone here to save me.

You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand,

And I can't,

Breathe,

Without you,

But I have to,

Breathe,

Without you,

But I have to.

Never wanted this, never wanna see you hurt.

Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve.

But people are people,

And sometimes it doesn't work out,

Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out.

And we know it's never simple,

Never easy.

Never a clean break, no one here to save me.

You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand,

And I can't,

Breathe,

Without you,

But I have to,

Breathe,

Without you,

But I have to.

It's two a.m.

Feelin' like I just lost a friend.

Hope you know it's not easy,

Easy for me.

It's two a.m.

Feelin' like I just lost a friend.

Hope you know this ain't easy,

Easy for me.

And we know it's never simple,

Never easy.

Never a clean break, noone here to save me.

Ohhh I can't,

Breathe,

Without you,

But I have to,

Breathe,

Without you,

But I have to.

Sorry (oh) Sorry (mmm)

Sorry (eh eh) Sorry (mmm)

Sorry (eh eh) Sorry (mmm)

Sorry

Reresolve

one - that was only to upset you, I hope it worked
TWO - i haven't told you how much it meant to me, but i will
three - it was for you. all of it was for you.
four - i was too scared to tell you right then who it was for, i should have told you about my blog, but i don't want to.

I am going to go through my resolutions, and see what I have achieved, and what I haven't (I know it's boring, but... I want to ACHIEVE something this year)

Fill memoir account - DONE!! AND I let everyone see it, which is totally incredible for me, I'm sure you're all sooo proud

Write everything down - I do! Not only on my blog, though, the amount of sheets of random paper lying around my house is incredible. And the random word documents, too.

Blog every week - So far, so good. (I've actually started blogging more than everyone I follow PUT TOGETHER, so that's... well... a little crazy :L)

Stop biting fingernails - I am soo close, I swear. I mean, I dunno, I guess it will always be a habbit, but, I haven't completely destroyed any of them this year, so, yay me.

Make moneys ($D) - I still don't know why I wrote that, but I guess, yeah, I've done that too

Smile more - YES!! I mean, not today, cuz I was too tired (and now my kiddies think I'm normal :L) but, like, yesterday, and the day before, and the day before, I've been very smiley lately.

Be healthier - Umm, well, nooo, I'm actually less healthy. But that's not my fault, I'm still sick, and it's totally messing with me.