Anchor.

I have no idea why I'm writing this... enjoy!

I realise now that everything I did for you, everything I tried to make right for you, everyway I changed your life, that's what brought me you. By wanting you to be as happy as possible, by changing things, and making things happ that would make you smile, that's what enabled you to be happy with me. That's why I deserve you. Because, even before I realised it, I loved you. I loved you enough to make a difference in your life. You still don't know that I did it all for you

Sometimes the words you want to say, just don't fit. And no matter what you say, and how you twist the situation, it doesn't fit. It can't fit. It can't change everything. Everything has to stay how it is. Because if you change the situation to fit the words, the words don't mean as much anymore. Nothing means as much anymore. And it's not worth it. The beautiful words don't count anymore. They'll never have their chance.

Just staring at the blank pages. Not knowing how to fill them. Or even if you can fill them. Are there enough thoughts in your head to fill it? Are there thoughts that wil do the paper justice? Are there thoughts that should be written down? Or just thoughts that should spin in dizzy little circles around your mind. Until it's so overcome with confusion and beauty that nothing even makes sense anymore.

I know how hard it is for you to understand things like this. So I'll make it simple. You don't have to be anyone other than you. You don't have to keep things from me because you don't think I'll understand. You don't have to pretend to be someone you're not. You're you. "Today you are you, that's truer than true. There'll never be anyone youer than you." Yes, listen to Dr. Seuss. He is genius.

Because I am scared. It scares me more than anything. It's the one fear that I would have thought people would recognise by now. But they don't. They still look in shock as I say it. They expect me to be someone different. They expect me to be someone stronger. Sorry guys, this is me. And I'm terrified.

I thought I would lose this. I knew I was making sacrifices, no matter how worth it they were. But I didn't lose it. Because I was willing to, I got to keep it. I am a believer in perfect balance, and things aren't balancing. But they're perfect.

You're an ordinary miracle.

Quote: "If I had a star for everytime you made me feel amazing, I still wouldn't hold a sky as beautiful as you" That might not be word perfect.
Memoir: "Looked both ways. Never looked back" - Small. Still on a search
Song in head: Ordinary Miracle - Sarah McLachlan
Listening to: Free Fall - In Flames
Thinking about: I dunno, writing this, I guess.
Annoyed by: How cold it is. But how too lazy I am to get up.
Cheered by: My day. It has been a good day.
Mood: Happy.

Hello!
I'm Ebony!

(Nikki: "Hi Ebony"
Dad: "Ebony's high)

And I'm going to tell you a little bit about the colour green.
Ok, no, I'm not, but now that song is in my head. Oh goodie. And I know the whole thing off by heart. How sad is that. I know a sesame street song of by heart. Seriously.

You know, I remember the randomest things. i.e. I can quote movies that I've only seen once. Like the first time I saw 10 Things I Hate About You. I started quoting it the next day. My Dad's like "have you seen that movie before?" and when I said no, he gave me the strangest look. It's not my fault! It's just my memory.

Ok, I really don't have anything to say. Again.
I know, I know, it's getting old. Me having nothing to talk about.
But I don't.
How are you today?
How was your day?
Did anything important happen?
Rate your happiness 0-10.
What's your favourite colour?


There we go, comment, and we'll have something to talk about next time.
Until then!

You're falling...

Good lord people.
SIGN IN DAMMIT!!
I only know who three of my anonymous commenters are. Who are you #1?


Anon # 1. Eating is awesome. Keep on eating. And doing nothing. That kicks arse too.

Victor. No that pretty much says it all.

AB. It's not an addiction that you have to typos. It is a PROBLEM.

Rosa. 7:51 am is perfectly normal. And figure it out. I wanna know.

Anon #2. I'm glad that I stopped fighting. And you hate too many songs.

May Lyn. Westlife did that with Delta. It was awesome.

May Lyn again. I like garlic bread. <33

Anon #3. Never ever ever give up. Love will find you when you stop looking for it.

Anon #4. The last comment wasn't from who you think. Or about what you think.

Anon #5. I know how hard that it. But you'll find someone who you can be you with, and you're both happier for it. Never stop fighting.

-----

Yes, I needed an entire blog to reply to comments.
THAT's how much you guys love me.
Uhhh... yeah (?)

Anyways, how are we all doing?
Bloody weekends.
But today is okay, for a weekend.
I bought some sniffees =) (markers, you fools.) at officeworks today. yay for discount!! (also works at liquorland and vintage cellars)
i also had subway (<33) (with a cookie!) and a krispy kreme doughnut. (=))
it has been good for a saturday.

How has everyone gone in exams? (I think I'm the only blogger that hasn't mentioned it yet. so that's what that was). Yay for suckage!! (I know you sucked. We all sucked.) Did you get that he was imagining in English exam? Well done! I didn't! Grrr.

Anyways! Enjoy your weekend people. And I shall see you all on Monday, ready for our fabulous ag exam.

-----

Don't say what you're about to say.
Believe me, you are my fate.
And I believe you'll find a way,
or will you keep on falling until you reach the ground?
Of your lonely mind will you ever find yourself again?
And will you keep on dying until you've finally found
a better place where you find you will not wake up again?

Cause what you see is crystal wall,
what you breath is silver air,
but weigh this moment with a future of your dreams no longer there.
What you'll see is burning black,
and what'll you breathe is empty air,
so way this moment with a future of your dreams no longer there...

You're falling... yeah,
You're falling... yeah,
So take my hand, and come on let's fly.

There's always someone laughing,
from the corner of their cage,
but to fly amongst the mountains you must dance within the waves.
Or will you keep on falling until you reach the ground?
Of your lonely mind will you ever find yourself again?
And will you keep on dying until you've finally found a better
place where you find you will not wake up again?

Cause what you see is crystal wall,
what you breath is silver air,
but weigh this moment with a future of your dreams no longer there.
What you'll see is burning black,
and what you'll breathe is empty air,
so way this moment with a future of your dreams no longer there...

You're falling... yeah,
You're falling... yeah,
So take my hand, and come on let's fly.

My name is Ebony.

Today, I am blogging.

Because even though I have nothing to say...

Ok, I didn't think of an ending for that sentence when I started it.

one - i heard the raindrops. but you don't have to tell me anything.

TWO - THANKYOU FOR UNDERSTANDING. I'M TRYING. I PROMISE.

three - i'm sorry if you don't get me. but i'm not going to justify myself to you. this is me now. take it or leave it.

four - i thought it would hurt more than this.

Hello, my name is Ebony, and welcome to Ebony's anonymous. Feel free to comment with any of your addictions (food, TV shows, people), because acceptance is the first step to overcoming an addiction. I know you all have one. That's right. You're all feeling guilty right now.

Hello, my name is Ebony, and I'm learning to juggle happy. Happy is very hard to juggle, especially when there's so much of it, and it's so different. But it's still possible to juggle. If you have skills. I, clearly, have epic skills.

Hello, my name is Ebony, and I am listening to air supply on loop. "And I can't fight this feeling anymore. I've forgotten what I started fighting for". There is really something to be said for Air Supply. And I know how pathetic I sound, thankyou very much. But it is TRUE.

Hello, my name is Ebony, and this is a little part of my life. This blog I mean. It used to be my whole life. It's not anymore. It's just a part. I like it like that. It's the perfect balance. It's not even a good blog. It's just so me.

Hello, my name is Ebony, and I am addicted to westlife music. I know I haven't mentioned the awesomosity of westlife in a while. But I'm listening to an air supply song that westlife covered, and I miss them. I may have to listen to more westlife...

Hello, my name is Ebony, and I am a keeper of secrets. I'm a good one too. I just can't keep my own secrets. But everyone else's secrets stay locked up inside of me. Some people hate keeping secrets, it's such a burden or you always have to watch what you say. But I'm more comfortable around people whose secrets I know.

OK, I have more to say, because, well I'm a nutcase with an endless supply of words. But this will do for tonight. Considering I've been doing this off and on for hours.

Cardboard Love <33

I know you guys don't know all that much about the amazingly fabulous websites that are out there, so I am going to edjumicate you all a little.
Ladies and gentlemen, today, I am going to introduce you to a beautifulicious website called "Carboard Love in a Digital World".
It is the most adoooorable thing in the world. And I think you should all get to see it =)

Feel free to ignore Ebony's commentary every second picture.

Not that Air Supply isn't awesome in their own little way... just that their greatest hits on repeat is a little... pathetic?

Sometimes it is a very visible fire too, and sometimes everyone notices that I'm on fire. But it's ok. Fire has its own special qualities...

And I am a pain in the ass a great amount of the time, and sometimes I can tell I'm being a pain in the ass, and I keep on being one, but you put up with it, and you're there for me, always. I guess "thank you" doesn't really sum it up properly, but I don't know what else I could say.

You don't really know how damaged i was. no one knows how damaged i was. and part of me knows i will never be damaged again. its like you came along and put all the pieces of me together in such a beautiful way, and now i can be happy again.

like, really really glad. you have no idea how much you changed my life. i think the 65 words pretty well summed it up though :L

And it's pretty cheap cardboard. I mean, it's online. Like. Seriously. But the intent is most certainly sincere, and that's all that matters.

Because you're right. It didn't mean as much, so maybe I shouldn't have asked you. But I did mean it. I meant it more than you will ever know. And I'm trying.

You know why? Because everything IS okay. Everything is perfectly wonderfully okay.

No really, I do. As of yet, I'm not dreaming and it still hurts. I think I'd prefer for the pinch to hurt and everyhting to be real though :L

You'd probably say "magic", and you're probably right, because you are very magical. But you still always know what to say. (Yes, i wrote sitll)

That doesn't require a great deal of commentary.

"Wish you were here" has been my thing for a while now.

But me being there would do fine...

-----

And that concludes Ebony's insanity for this blog. Come again later, and we shall do it again.

Favourites.

My second memoir account, Just another girl, is finally over.
(Yup, that's how cool I am)
(Or I just think too much :L)

ANYWAYS, in celebration (beause it's a big deal to me), I am going to share with you my VERY FAVOURITE memoirs =D (there's a lot. bear with it. or skip to the end.)

---

Was a star. Fell. For you.

.

It's okay, the voices talk back.
.

I'll breathe every breath for you.
.

Wish on stars that look happy
.

Tripped, fell over, got up again.
.

Living life as a hopeless romantic.
.

Planted hope. Forgot to water it.
.

I'm lonely. Nothing severe; just lonely.
.

We're just the dreamers of tomorrow.
.

This memoir will bring you luck.
.

Even the best fall down sometimes.
.

Hopeless romantic fell in love... again.
.

Wanna sell my life on ebay.
.

Maybe it shouldn't be about him...
.

All in favour of murdering Monday?
.

My life is on repeat. Again.
.

Second best isn't so bad afterall.
.

I am glass. Fragile, neglected, breaking.
.

I'm fading out. No one's noticing.
.

His smile puts stars to shame.
.

I get lost in the crowd.
.

I'm a dreamer because of him.
.

Just another girl on a journey.
.

They see ugly. I see beauty.
.

Every single word it's own lullaby.
.

Constantly questioning myself, never finding answers.
.

Wrote his name in chocolate topping.
.

The phone's never been for me.
.

Dad doesn't wish me goodnight anymore.
.

Getting in deeper all the time.
.

I was overdue for a breakdown.
.

I've never seen you without wings.
.

Stumbled upon crosswords. chose dead end.
.

Got into an arguement with fate.
.

Love life, on a good day.
.

I can feel myself falling again.
.

Somehow, I'll forever be a dreamer.
.

I think it's sort of beautiful.
.

I'm hiding behind this loquacious disguise.
.

More broken than their eyes see.
.

Walk towards the edge and jump.
.

Hold my hand and just run.
.

Everything hurts. But hurts so nice.
.

I should be grateful. I'm not.
.

You smile. I cry. You laugh.
.

You patch my holes by smiling.
.

Writing it down. Letting it go.
.

Acting like nothing happened; fooling nobody.
.

Time runs out; but words prevail.
.

Wished for him. Again. Still waiting.
.

Fake smile to hide the pain.
.

No on wants my hugs anymore.
.

I am stronger than you think.
.

Lost teddy. Now I hug air.
.

"Theres nothing wrong with you." Thankyou
.

Those stars shine just like you.
.

Sold my soul to the moon.
.

Salty raindrops falling down my face.
.

Each star, another wish for him.
.

Putting a pricetag on my soul.
.

If I smile, I won't bleed.
.

Only an echo of old emotions.
.

Watching the clock tick to 11:11.
.

You jump, I jump, got it?
.

Love telling secrets. Nobody like listening.
.

Up all night, rewriting my life.
.

The bridge between cooties and kisses.
.

Please be stars and not aeroplanes.
.

Clouds block stars. No wishes tonight.
.

If you get lost, find me.
.

Today's horoscope: "Rethink something quite important."
.

Saying plans aloud. Hearing God laugh.
.

This hell that some call "home"
.

Maybe you're bored. I'm nothing special.
.

I'm the girl you forgot about.
.

Something is missing. Maybe it's me.
.

Put your umbrella away and dance.
.

I'd wait forever just for you.
.

Life brings frown. He returns smile.
.

Still finding out who I am.
.

I see beyond a pretty face.
.

My life's crossroads has traffic lights.
.

We over analysed each other together.
.

Despite best efforts, still had fun.
.

hopeless romantic searching for naive perfection.
.

Genuine smiles in an artificial world.
.

Rain falling from sky and eyes.
.

Would the world jump for me?
.

Maybe I'm beautiful on the inside.
.

Maybe I just really... need him?
.

Suddenly my mind is episdn umop.
.

Subtle was never my strong point.
.

Square one is getting awfully familiar.
.

Tears became longing. Longing became heartache.
.

All I know is you're beautiful.
.

Smile at me. I'll smile back.
.

Look at all the pretty people...
.

August 12 2007. Somewhere around 7.
.

Each tear. More beautiful than before.
.

you didn't love me
I finally did.
.

I couldn't; but I died trying.
.

How can someone be so empty?
.

I believe in better than reality.
.

My superhero with a rusty cape.
.

Notice: This soul is under construction.
.

With broken hearts and shattered dreams.
.

I believe in impossibilities and miracles.
.

Just another girl hiding from life.
.

Self destruciton is not an option.
.

I'm learning to believe in myself.
.

24 hours: successfully destroyed every friendship.
.

The girl who finds life beautiful.
.

Dear destiny,
I surrender. You win.
.

I don't even like myself anymore.
.

We exchanged secrets and song lyrics.
.

Running far enough to be missed.
.

I smiled, and was finally beautiful.
.

11:05... I'll stay awake to wish.
.

Flying away on their whispered words.
.

I miss the girl I was.
.

I talk to God a lot.
.

You're my angel with broken wings.
.

I cried.
I cry a lot...
.

I'm drowning, but still ever silent.
.

Finding my place, my voice, myself.
.

I'm an artist without the art.
.

One persn can't make a difference...
.

I believe that you are amazing.
.

With crumpled secrets in my pockets...
.

Like everytime a rain drop falls...
.

Things no one seems to notice.
.

Failing to conserve even small secrets.
.

There are voices in my head.
.

Words change. Nothing else ever does.
.

Dream catcher. Dream maker. Dream believer.
.

I need hot chocolate and cookies.
.

What if the shoe doesn't fit?
.

The pain is not worth it.
.

My hand has holes for yours.
.

Deteriorating differenced between right and wrong.
.

Now my feet are all cold.
.

Living for him.
He's living for me.
.

I want to be a sunflower.
.

One day, I'll sparkkle for you.
.

Both in love with other people.
.

Don't make me look away again.
.

It hurts to say "just friends"
.

Exchanging secret whispers and silly smiles.
.

And then my heart went crazy...
.

Right there in front of me...
.

Every smile sparkles like diamond nights.
.

Forgot to sleep. Remembered to dream.
.

I wonder what you keep hidden...
.

Dear smile,
It's been a while.
.

Everything comes down to this moment.
.

I hurt you to save myself.

----------

ANND!!! (I'm putting this here cuz I want it all here. I only found it yesterday.)

OK, this is a part of my book that I wrote back in January on my holiday, loosely based around two people. This is Elle and Luke's meet cute. The first person it's based around was someone I almost met in QLD :L, the second person is the one who gave Luke his mystery. Enjoy part one:

I was just walking through the class room as a shortcut, I didn't expect to see anyone in there. But as I walked in, I saw someone sitting on a chair in the corner, spinning around. He didn't seem to have a problem with me being there, so I kept moving, but I watched him. Each time he got to my direction he would lock eyes with me, until his face was out of view; constantly spinning, repeating the cycle each time. I can't say I noticed much of what he looked like.. just that he seemed sad, and a little surprised. But people didn't normally cut through classrooms, so that was to be expected. I didn't really think anything of it.

-----

Part two:

Weird that someone I had never seen before that day was suddenly everywhere I went. I guess it's that way with everything. Once you start looking for it, you find it. I don't think I was exactly looking for him, but I found him alright. The second time was in the office. I was walking through to get out of school, and he was hanging around looking at pictures on the wall. As I walked in, he looked up boredly, but then changed to… happy? It wasn't a startled change of expression either, just a gradual one, but there was definitely a change. We locked eyes again, for as long as his position would allow, before he refocused his attention on the pictures.

…

The third time I say him was at sport. We were just minding our business playing a game of hockey when a basketball intruded on our game. Everyone looked up just in time to see him run in to grab it. He picked up the ball, looked at me, then walked back to his game with an apologetic nod to our teacher. I'd never before noticed how quiet he was. That even in his apology he didn't utter a single word.

-----

Part three: (Good things take time)

"You're quiet." I said to him. He looked up, but he didn't seem surprised, he just nodded. "Why?" I prompted.

"Nothin' to say" he said, and looked down again. I sat down next to him.

"But you must have thoughts, right?" he nodded again, "Why don't you voice them?"

"People don't wanna hear" he said, still not looking at me.

"Doesn't stop me" I laughed

He smiled and looed at me "Yeah, I noticed"

"Noticed? When?" It's not like I'd been very chatty when I saw him

"I've noticed you" he blushed and looked down again.

"In a creepy way?" I made a move to leave.

"No" he looked up to check that I was staying "It's just… you intrigue me" I looked at him questioningly "I admire your confidence" he clarified.

"As in my voicing my opinion no matter whether people want to hear it? That's not confidence, that's arrogance" I smiled

"Yeah" he looked reminiscent "Still wish I had it"

I moved my head around to look at him "If you ever need to voice your opinion, come find me, okay?"

He nodded "I will"

"Good" I stood up, and started to walk, then hesitated

"Luke" he said. I looked down to see him smiling at my confused look. "My name is Luke Moore." He clarified

"Elle" I said "How did you…?"

He simply shrugged, still smiling.

-----

Was it worth the three parts?

It so was!!

----------

Ok, well, that's all I really wanted to say today.

Smile! =D

What I'm supposed to say.

Quote: "I can't believe that you smiling at me was the highlight of a day where I got an A on a test, found twenty bucks, and won a debate" - stealed from amys blog again. (That's not really so hard to believe is it? I mean, some smiles are truly beautiful)
Memoir: "Hands touch. Hear our fingers whisper?" - lexxx. (I heard it)
Song in head: Swing swing - AAR
Listening to: Give me a reason - The Corrs
Thinking about: Glowing :L (inside thing. again)
Annoyed by: Silly people that get sick and don't come to school
Cheered by: The prospect of tomorrows.
Mood: Relaxed.

-----

I should be studying.

Now that we've gotten that out of the way...

I haven't blogged properly in a while. I haven't memoired much either. Actually, damn, what the hell have I been doing?? I guess I have been studing a lot... and doing geo...
Hmmmms

It's sorta funny that I don't even have something to say...
Hummmmmmm.

ok, lets DNM.

-----

I find it easier to trust the universe now. Things work out, you know? I mean, things fall into place so easily. As long as you know how to cope with things... you can figure your way out of them. And as long as you understand that bad things happen for a reason, and you look for the reason, you can learn something. And at the end of the day, it can be worth it.

-----

Humanity has redeemed itself! Haha, only one person will get that, and she doesn't read. And if I explain it, you'll all think I'm stupid. (Shush, I know I am). But THANKYOU humanity, for restoring my faith in you. I shall never doubt you again. (OK, so I will, but not as much as before)

-----

Hehe, I love the Corrs. Their music is so happy-making. I still say their music is the best to fall in love to. Screw Blue October. (Okay, Blue October I'm sorry. It's just... The Corrs!) (I still love you Blue October). corrs = bombdigity

-----

Oh, FARROUT!!! How many times have I said it now? Do you need me to spell it out?? Over and over and over. Hint after hint. Please, take the hint. No, really. (Maybe this will help...)

-----

OK, so maybe having voices in your head, actually talking to you, and yes, telling you what to do (Nikki: "are they telling you to jump?") is not quite normal, and most definately not a good thing. But I love my voices. My little people in my head. I think they stop me from doing things a lot. But they also encourage me to do things. They are my little fairy godparents, trying to teach me right from wrong. And let me tell you, they're doing an okay job.
So when you all look at me like I'm crazy, or burst out laughing in health when I tell you about my voices, I'm laughing at you on the inside too. Because I have special little people in my head. And you are very lonely.

-----

"I'm invisible"
"Not to me"
"Yeah, see that's why I like spending time around you"

Haha, that's what you said to me when I stopped you from being left behind a couple of days ao (so I don't remember the exact day). It totally made my day. Even though it was only 8:00, and I'm sure it was a goodish day. But you told me that you like spending time with me. In fact, we have had multiple conversations this week about how I like you to be included, and I seriously feel so appreciated when I talk to you.

-----

Song for the day.
<33 The Script!!

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just praying to a God that I don't believe in
Cuz I got time while she got freedom
Cuz when a heart breaks no it don't break even

Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
Cuz when a heart breaks no it don't break even... even... no

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're okay?
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
Cuz she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven even... no

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're okay?
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
(Cuz when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)

Oh you got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame
Cuz I got time while she got freedom
Cuz when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven
No it don't break
No it don't break even no

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just praying to a God that I don't believe in
Cuz I got time while she got freedom
Cuz when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven
No it don't break
No it don't break even no

What am I suppposed to do when the best part of me was always you?
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're okay?
(oh I'm glad you're okay now)
I'm falling to pieces yeah
(oh I'm glad you're okay)
I'm falling to pieces yeah
(One still in love while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
(Cuz when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)

Oh it don't breakeven no
Oh it don't breakeven no
Oh it don't breakeven no

Letters to the editor.

Laura,

Oh you strange, strange mind. People are not rubber bands. When you stretch them too far, they do not snap back. They stay away. When you push people away, don't expect them to come back. don't expect them to want to.

People aren't puppies either. When you smother them with love and attention, don't expect them to take it well. In fact, expect them to run away from it all. Just because your past dictates how you act with them, does not mean they have dealt with equal things. It doesn't mean they'll act the same.

And people aren't always friends. And those who are, aren't always good friends. And more foten than not, they're going to hurt you. And more often than not, they're not going to be there when other people hurt you. Your past should tell you that much.

Tony



But people deserve trust, oh strange mind of mine. People deserve a little vote of confidence. If you give nothing to them, how can you expect something in return? And even if you give all of yourself to them and get nothing, what do you have to lose? A little self confidence that you had far too much of in the first place. And the destruction of a reputation that you continually pride yourself in ruining.

Maybe giving a little of yourself to other will do you goos. Maybe it would do everyone some good to give themselves away. No one really needs the facade they hide behind. The world is better without the masks, dear. So give it all, and never look back, what do you have to lose?

Jessica



I spent 10 minutes listening to Tony (he's the cynic in my head) before i reverted to Jessica (she's the hopeless romantic). I must admit, I prefer Jessica.
So yes ladies and gents, that's my head.
Or at least the slight amount of it that I allow you to see.

Reminisce old memories

one - i think i did the right thing. and it doesn't matter what you think.
TWO - I'M BEGINING TO FEAR THAT YOU'RE RIGHT. PLEASE BE WRONG.
three - yes i'm a filthy hypocrite. but i mean well.
four - i'm sorry that i hurt you. but part of me is glad.

-----

It's been a while since I posted. I keep meaning to, I'm just not sure what I have to say here. But, as per usual, I'm sure I'll discover that when I start.

-----

Let's start at Thursday. Thursday was a bad, bad day. You know how some days are just awful? Well that was Thursday(but I found my pen). Until I got home (Thankyou). Although when I did homework it was a little crappy again. But, you know, homework is just like that.

And then we get to Friday. Friday was a good day. Not as good as Wednesday, but beter than Thursday. The whole day was about at 8. And then I got home, and people started being weird. And when I say people, I mean everyone I know, suddenly decided to be weird together. But then I left and went to my grandads (=D) and when I came back, it was nice again. So I did some studying.

-----

Yes, I'm weird like that. When I'm in a good mood, I like to study. It works out well though. Because other people think study and immediately =S =( and I think study and go =D. Now my study book is coated with sunshine and smiles. =P

-----

hmmmms...
My sister and I have had this song stuck in our heads (and thus our neghbours' heads) for about a week now. She told me never to watch the video clip, and I think I saw part of it on Channel [V] and can totally understand where she's coming from. So here is a link to the video with only lyrics :L Oh yeah, and the song is Don't Trust Me by 3oh!3 (I know you've all heard it. hear it again. it is a good song)

-----

I'm sorry. Yeah, and maybe sorry doesn't always cut it. But I don't know what else I can say. I know that whatever I say, you're never going to understand. You're never going to understand, because you're not me, and you're never going to be able to see it from my perspctive. I doubt you'll ever understand me, I doubt I'll ever understand myself, I just thought that... maybe... you could put up with my bad days in exchange for my good ones. I'm really, really sorry (again).

-----

The song for today:
(Ok, not really. But let's pretend? It's a good song...ish.)
If Today Was Your Last Day

My best friend ave me the best advice
He said each day's a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less travelled by
That first step you take is the longest stride

If today was your last day, and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like you last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had?
If today was your last day
What if, what if, today was was your last day?

Against the grain should be a way of life
What's worth the price is always worth the fight
Every second counts, cuz there's no second try
So live like you'll never live it twice
Don't take the free ride in your own life

If today was your last day, and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donat every dime you had?

Would you call old friends you never see?
Rminisce old memories?
Would you forgive your enemies?
And would you find that one you're dreaming of?
Swear up and down to God above?
That you'd finally fall in love, if today was your last day?

If today was your last day,
Would you make you mark by mending a broken heart?
You'd know it's never too late to shoot for the stars
Regardless of who you are

So do whatever it takes
Cuz you can't rewind a moment in this life
Let nothing satnd in your way
Cuz the hands of time are never on your side

If today was your last day, and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like you last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had?

And would you call old friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories
Would you forgive your enemies?
And would you find that one you're dreaming of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you'd finally fall in love

If today was your last day