That beautiful moment

I suppose some people like planned moments with beautiful clothes and candles and a fancy dinner and a surprise. But to me, the moment was perfect, with free dinner and outfits that were lacking and no planning. No thought. Other than that it was what you wanted. At that moment. That beautiful moment. And it was the surprise I never saw coming. It was a hug that never ended. And the surprise lasted a good 24 hours before I could get my head around it. But I have. And it is right. Thank you for being right.

This is the way I always wanted it to end up but was too afraid to say because people give you That Look and you say "oh I'm only kidding" and they look relieved and you just want to scream that it's not unreasonable and it's not naive and you're not too young to know what you want and to know who you want to be. Why can't people just accept that this is what I want? Why does this have to be a fantasy reserved for silly little girls who don't know what they're talking about and don't understand the world? Why does everyone else's opinion matter so much that I can't just say what I think? Why?

I want to start making so many plans but I'm so terrifying of scaring you...

Choosing Happy

For so long I thought I had fucked everything up and that I would never get another chance again or that I would never be allowed happiness or deserve happiness or that fixing things depended on other people or that being around the people with good lives would improve my life or make me more deserving of a good life but I don't think that's true anymore. Yeah, I've made some mistakes but they've been the mistakes that led me here. They are things I should have said or things I should have done but I'm ok with not having done them. I thought maybe the problem was me but the truth is I was hanging around people who were willing to hurt me and although I may have chosen to talk to those people, I did not choose to get hurt, and I cannot have expected to see it coming. Yes, things could have been different if I made different choices but I'm ok with being where I am. And I don't let people hurt me anymore. And that is a lot tougher than it sounds, and it means I've pushed away some close friends and even family members for just saying the wrong thing, but I think I've made the right decisions.

For so long I thought it would be impossible to be happy, but now I realise that happiness is in the choices I make every day. And I choose to be happy. Yeah, I'm stressed, but I'm also happy. I'm glad I am where I am now and I'm glad I made the sacrifices that led to this moment. Because I believe that I deserve it. And I believe everyone deserves it. Ans if there are people interfering with your happiness, you have to let them go, even if it's hard, even if it's forever.

#3 Things I Hate About Valentine's Day

1. People feeling the need to brag about relationships. This is particularly heightened by facebook and people posting photos of flowers or even worse their dinner.
2. Single people feeling inadequate. Why is there a day where people determine their self worth based on their relationship status.
3. Flowers and chocolates and teddy bears everywhere. And everything is pink. And the teddy bears and really ugly.
4. People thinking PDA is acceptable. Or worse, they think it is cute. When is actually disturbing and unacceptable.
5. People thinking sex is mandatory. Like I have issues with this 365 days of the year but Valentine's day is so much worse because suddenly it becomes impossible to spend a day together without expectations from each other and society and yuck ewwy.
6. Pressure to buy presents for your significant other. This also applies to birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries. Etc.
7. Suddenly it is socially acceptable to ask people their relationship status. "Do you have a Valentine?" Is a question that should be made illegal due to invasion of privacy.
8. Any rose that is not red is dismissed as your partner being cheap. Not your partner thinking you like the other colours more.
9. A single rose suddenly costs $10, which is normally the cost of a small bouquet. And cards can be like $10+ which is pathetic for what is literally some cardboard and ink.
10. Traffic. Queues everywhere. People going places. People being busy. People blowing you off. People.

#2 Things more important than feminism

As my laptop is currently (still) being a complete and utter piece of shit, today's post comes from my darling phone, Newton.
This is a list of issues that I think are more important and relevant to our society than feminism.

1. Racism. Although much more prevalent in countries like the united states, racism is a major problem in our country. Particularly with all the hype coming up around Australia day and all the people who feel that Australia day is lost, it is evident that many people in this country have a large problem with non-white Australians. Which is ridiculous. Because white Australians were the ones who brutally stole the land in the first place so I don't see what the problem is with learning to share.

2. Classism. Huge inequalities exist between classes, even within Sydney. If you were to compare the money, the schools, the opportunities of students from different areas, you would be amazed at what rich children get that other don't. By the age of 5, a student of high socio economic status will have heard 30 million more words than a child whose parents are on welfare. This creates a gap on reading levels that is virtually impossible to overcome. Before even entering school, these students can be several grades behind.

3. Indigenous disadvantage. In many developed countries, but particularly in Australia, indigenous people suffer huge disadvantage in relation to education, health care and more. Starting with language and cultural barriers, it is very difficult for indigenous children to reach the same stage as white non-indigenous children in regards to education and employment. This is unacceptable.

4. Health care. Although most of Australian health care is heavily subsidised, it is still very expensive for many citizens to have surgery or even take an ambulance to hospital. This means that classism extends to health care, making richer people healthier.

5. Asylum seekers. Even disregarding the small number of asylum seekers being ill treated by our government for choosing to take a boat to our country, asylum seekers allowed into our country are not given the necessary support to set up a life here. Many of these individuals have suffered extreme trauma and require additional health services to those of ordinary Australians. Unfortunately, it is these people that have the least access to resources due to language barriers and financial restraints.

6. Binge drinking. It is the culture of gen y and now gen z to drink for the sole purpose of getting drunk. Excessive alcohol intake is linked to increased violence, as well as increased health issues. This toxic culture of binge drinking places unnecessary strain upon our health care system.

7. Religious attacks. Although this also plays a part in Australian society, it is mainly of concern in the middle east. This is a complicated issue with no simple solution but more effort needs to be made to make peace in this region before it escalates into another world war.

8. Violence. Domestic violence, violence due to alcohol, and even guys just wanting to prove how big and strong they are; this issue take many forms and none of them are pretty. The concept that people want to cause physical harm to other people is very disheartening but stems from a number of causes. Violence is a difficult issue to deal with because it is not really about the larger views of society, nor is it fixable by simply pumping in more money. This issue needs to be looked at more carefully to be dealt with.

9. Child abuse. So this is mainly an issue in developing countries where children are used as slaves, forces to work for most of their live, or forced into combat as soldiers. Often this changes their entire life view and it is very difficult to repair the damage even after they are taken from toxic environments. And let's not even get into child abuse in our own country because that stuff is terrifying and sad.

10. Animal cruelty. Cruelty to animals kept as pets, cruelty to animals forced to breed to make pets, cruelty to farm animals on a day to day basis, cruelty to animals during their killing for human consumption. Humans deciding that they are more important than every other animal on the planet. Humans. Humans are such an issue...

And that is why I am not a feminist, thank you and good night.

#1 Things that shit me

I have some lists...
Because I feel like my mind works better in dot points.
I call this first list
"Things that shit me":

1. Girls. Girls who say “I’m fine” when they’re not fine. Girls who say “it’s ok” when it’s not ok. Girls who get upset with guys for not reading their fucking minds.
2. Men. Men who say “I can change” or “I’m not the person I was”. You haven’t changed, you are the same person, and you shouldn’t be begging for the attention of someone who needs you to change anyway.
3. People who complain about being overweight but eat junk food and refuse to exercise and then tell other people off for being skinny or for telling them not to eat chocolate or whatever.
4. People who can’t use correct grammar. Like not even 100% of the time. I don’t care if you end sentences with prepositions or use commas instead of semicolons. I would, however, like to be able to read what you’re writing. If your sentence is five lines long and it has no commas then you are doing it wrong and we can’t be friends.
5. Religion. Religion and religious people drive me insane and I wish they didn’t but I want to throw up every time someone quotes the bible on facebook. I feel like every horrible thing that has even been has been done with religious intentions. Good intentions, yes, but religious intentions. Like if people stopped caring what god thought and started caring about themselves and each other then maybe the world would be a little nicer.
6. Vegetarians/vegans with a superiority complex that don’t know anything about animal product/bi-product industries. Or that don’t understand anything about animals. Like the thing you don’t understand is that the cow is happy to stand in the field all day and eat grass and then come and eat some grain while it is being milked. It is not a prison cell. It is a home.
7. People that think that time heals all wounds. Some wounds get worse with time. Some hatred deepens with time. Sometimes I don’t need time I need a hug and maybe some chocolate or something.
8. My iPod not allowing me to add new music without deleting all the old music because it has to sync and I’ve had to factory restore my computer since the last time I added music to it and that doesn’t mean I don’t own it, it means you’re being a prick.
9. Moral absolutism. Like you can't be a good person if you've ever done a bad thing or that it can't be a good idea if it comes from a bad person.
10. Having to code the html for this blog by hand because it can't comprehend the concept of copy and pasting formatting from a goddamn word document. Like the base 10 number system is too much for my poor computer.

I guess that would be incentivizing decency though