Sleep.

...Because what else is there to do at nights when you are bored and banned from MSN?

Nothing but blog.

-----

Hello, I'm Ebony, and I'm no longer addicted to NCIS. It has been about 6 months now since I discovered the genius that is Mark Harmon, but through my 12 step program (amongst other things) I am now over it.

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Word of the day: fall

What it means: 1. descend from higher position to lower position 2. come down suddenly from standing position 3. to become lower 4. to hang down 5. to be cast down 6. to succumb to temptaion 7. to lose high position 8. to succumb to attack 9. to drop down wounded or dead 10. to pass into some condition 11. to become 12. to come as if by dropping 13. to come by chance 14. to come to occur 15. to have proper place 16. to issue or proceed (in speech) 17. to be naturally divisible 18. to lose animation 19. to slope 20. to be directed 21. to fell 22. to separate 23. the act of falling 24.sinking, becoming less 25. cataract or waterall 26. downward slop 27. falling to ground 28. hanging down 29. lapse into sin 30. surrender or capture 31.a. in wrestling, being thrown on back b. bout 32. loosely hanging veil 33. lowering ships boat 34. Autumn 35. trees suitable for felling.

Why I care: It's one of the suggestions for labels (that's a bunch of bullshit. I also have other bullshit reasons including 1. because theres lots of defintions 2. because that's the page the dictionary fell open at and 3. there's 31 part a and b, and that is hilarious)(I don't know why I'm not writing the real reason, I think it's because I'm scared of the real reason)

Well that's further than any other dictionary definition has ever gone before.

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Hello, I'm Ebony, and I've done nothing but lie for the entire duration of this blog. But if you know me well enough (as only 2 of you do) you'll know my real reasons behind everything, and you'll understand the points I'm trying to get across.

-----

Better late than never…

one – just like the fireflies…

TWO – YEAH, YEAH I NOTICED, I THINK YOU DID TOO…

three – It really didn't help... but I appreciated it more than you will ever know

four - You have no idea how much I meant that

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And just because I'm retarded

Dear heart,

I would recommend pacing yourself - JustAFaceInThe Crowd

Oh, and if you guys don't get this post... you are totally not alone. I think the whole 'sleep' idea is a good one, 9:30 is not my smartest time...

People try to hand me money, they don't understand

I'm not broke, I'm just a broken-hearted man

Yeah, that's it. Sad that I used most of this to define a word...

Fall.

"I had to burn my diary because I realized that things were worse than I remembered. I never want to read it again."

Not too long ago, I started thumbing through my old diary.
I started it when I was 7/8, and kept it pretty consistently (wrote every few weeks) until year 8. (I started running out of space and didn't want to finish it unworthily[it's a word if I want it to be]).

Reading through that diary, I realise how depressed I was as a kid. I mean, each page contemplating... you know what, let's not think about that.

The point is that every now and then, I swing back into that mood. I take a really big leap, and it doesn't pay off, and I start falling. Rock bottom isn't all that an uncommon place for me.

My life works in waves. It goes up and down, and up and down. Happy and sad, happy and sad. The last time everything was sad, I didn't really tell my blog. I think that was probably bad for me, because I didn't face up to it. But it was also better for me because I made myself focus on the positives in everything. I'll tell you next time though.

At the moment, the waves occur very quickly. Home is very negative, school/blog is very positive. But it's evening out... or at least everything is becoming more positive :L.

I realised today that I do my own thing now. I don't just take things for what they are, I challenge everything, I ask too many questions, and I figure out what I want to do, not what everyone else wants me to do. It's a nice change...

You know what Corinne said to me today whilst we were DNMing?? (Hello Corinne)
She said "When I'm having a bad day, I like to talk to you, you make me happier"
Yes, that made my day yesterday :L

That, and, butterflies and rainbows (cough).

Anyways! LAST time I wrote these lyrics on my blog (all the way back on April 6th), they had a special purpose. Today, I was looking over my blog... and I read them and realised that a lot of what they were used for then applies to what I wanted todays song for.
But, it's been used before, so you only get a snippet.
(I've been listening to the first two lines on loop for about 20 minutes now. le sigh.)

You look so beautiful today...
When you're sitting there it's hard for me to look away...
So I try to find the words that I could say
I know distance doesn't matter, but you feel so far away
And I can't lie
Everytime I leave my heart turns grey...

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OK, this is today's song...
i actually can't find it on youtube =S

it's called 'my little angel' and it's by 'william shakespeare' (real name john cave). it was released in november 1974, but hit the number one spot in early 1975. it was written by harry vanda and george young (guitarists from easybeats) (i dont know why im telling you so much about this song). anyways, here are the beautiful lyrics :L

Spoken:
It was on a cold December afternoon
Doesn't seem like that long ago
I was sitting on my feet by my old fireplace
When in walked my little girl home from school
And I could see that something was wrong
By the tears that were rolling down her face

Sung:
And she said "Daddy, Daddy, at school today
Somebody told me a lie!"
And after hearing what she had heard
I told her not to cry - it hurt to see her cry

Because she's my, my little angel
My little angel, my little angel when she smi-i-i-iles
Oh yes she's my, my little angel
And I don't ever want to see her cry-y

Spoken:
What she heard was that angels didn't really exist
That they were just a part of fables, fairytales, any ol' how
"Of course there are angels" I said
Everybody has an angel that takes care of them
In fact, I know there's a real live angel right now

Sung:
And she said "Daddy, Daddy, please tell me where
And tell me how do you know"
I said "easy, now if you listen close it's not too far too go,
and this is how i know

Because you're my, my little angel
My little angel, my little angel when you smi-i-i-ile
Oh yes you're my, my little angel
My little angel, and I don't ever want to see you cry-y"

Now I miss her dearly, since she left that day
But I know she is near me every hour, every day
Because she's... because she's my, my little angel
My little angel, my little angel, yes she's mi-i-i-ine

Ahh, she's so fine, my little angel, my little angel
And I know that she's with me all the time
With me all the time, my little angel
My little angel, my little angel

-----

I always cry when I hear that song, at the part where he tells her she's his angel, and the part where she leaves him.
Yeah, the lyrics DO actually mean something, and the song is REALLY good, except it apparently doesn't exist =S (I didn't know there were songs not on limewire...)

Belong.

one - and everything just keeps changed, fat lot of good that is
TWO - I KNOW YOU CAN GET THIS RIGHT... TRY FOR ME.
three - i've decided what to say and everything...
four - come back...

Hello, I'm Ebony, and I spent a great deal of time today contemplating my stupidosity. And thankyou for telling me that I'm not stupid. But really... I am. Because I don't believe in myself anymore. And I don't trust myself. And I should... especially when I'm right... but then when I don't know if I'm right, and I'm not sure whether to believe I'm right, so I just use me being wrong as a hypothetical until I manage to convince myself I'm wrong and that I shouldn't trust myself.

"I know it's hard to believe, what with my obvious charm and good looks, but people used to think I was a monster, and for a while, I believed them"

And... wait...

Everything is okay now.

And sure, it's not gonns be okay in 5 minutes time. Hell, it's not gonna be okay in 30 seconds time. But right now, everything is fine, and that's all that matters.

Everything fits, then everything falls apart. "Some things fall apart for others to fall together", but some things just fall apart.

And there's something I should write here but it will take me too long:L
Speaking of! AMY!!! I need to tell you about Ben :L
OK guys, goodbye! I might post tomorrow...


You're on the phone with your girlfriend, she's upset
She's going off about something that you said
She'll never get your humour like I do

I'm in the room, it's a typical Tuesday night
I'm listening to the kind of music she doesn't like
And she'll never know your story like I do

But she wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts
She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming bout the day when you wake up and find
That what you're looking for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along, so why can't you see?
You belong with me
You belong with me

Wakin the streets with you and your worn out jeans
I can't help thinking this is how it ought to be
Laughing on the park bench thinking to myself
Hey isn't this easy?

And you've got a smile that can light up this whole town
I haven't seen it in a while since she brought you down
You say you're fine, I know you better than that
Hey what you doing with a girl like that?

She wears high heels, I wear sneakers
She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleechers
Dreaming bout the day when you wake up and find
That what you're looking for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been there all along, so why can't you see?
You belong with me

Standing by or waiting at your back door
All this time, how could you know baby?
You belong with me

Oh I remember you driving to my house in the middle of the night
I'm the one who makes you laugh when you know you're bout to cry
I know your favourite songs, and you tell me bout your dreams
I think I know where you belong, I think I know it's with me

blah-di-blah-chorus-etc

Ebony's mind

one - everything changed for real. where did the smile go?
TWO - YOU HURT ME. DEAL WITH THE CONSEQUENCES.
three - have you figured it out yet?
four - i miss you.

Hello, I'm Ebony, and you left again.
Hello, I'm Ebony, and it's getting harder to smile.
Hello, I'm Ebony, and my family are a mystery to me.
Hello, I'm Ebony, and I'm in a very pesimistic mood.
Hello, I'm Ebony, and I have nothing to thank you for
Hello, I'm Ebony, and it doesn't make sense anymore
Hello, I'm Ebony, and everything changed
Hello, I'm Ebony, and everything is falling apart.
Hello, I'm Ebony, and I still can't wait till Tuesday

{{that whole half of the blog corresponds directly to yesterday}}

Ahh, the beautiful letters. The pretty little words arranged across the beautifully decorated paper. The tear drop marks left at strategic places along the lines. The beauty, and the pain, and all it does is cause more pain. All you do is cause more pain. I, too, am sorry that you can't see it. My darling you hurt me in ways that seem impossible. Everytime I open a letter I shudder, remembering the past. Why must we repeat ourselves? Have we learnt nothing of our past mistakes that we fall into the exact same cycle? Of course we haven't. This is what we do.

Spend all your time waiting for a second chance
For a break that would make it ok
There's always some reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day

I need some distraction
Or beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins

Ebony's cloud <33

one - everything changed. i blinked. everything changed back. i smiled.
TWO - I'M NOT WHO YOU WANT ME TO BE. DEAL.
three - things change sweetie. it just changed... that's all.
four - just smile. you're back!

Hello, I'm Ebony, and I said yesterday that I missed you. Today you came back.
Hello, I'm Ebony, and I'm going to let myself smile now.
Hello, I'm Ebony, and my family is finally making some sense...
Hello, I'm Ebony, and I'm in an extraordinarily optimistic mood...
Hello, I'm Ebony, and I just want to say thankyou
Hello, I'm Ebony, and it's starting to make sense now
Hello, I'm Ebony, and I don't want anything to change
Hello, I'm Ebony, and everything is falling into place
Hello, I'm Ebony, and I can't wait till Tuesday either

(^^ this is the very weird, incredible mood that talking to YOU puts me in)

Today is beautiful, wonderful ANZAC Day!

Which means I went into the city! And watched my grandpa march =) And cried a lot. Because that is what I do on ANZAC Day. And then we went to the Lindt cafe. (The first of its kind in the world) and I had a very nice hot chocolate. And then we went to the footy. And we totally creamed the roosters. TOTALLY CREAMED. (did everyone get that? totally creamed!) (29-0 guys)

Ok, damn, I summed up my day in a paragraph. I am totally losing my touch.
See, if I was tlaking, I would say heaps more, because I never run out of air. But typing, takes up so much time/energy that, well, this is it.
OK?

Damn, I'm getting so lazy now. I even chucked out my "hi-5!!!" and just lo-5 people (yeah, i blame you!)

speaking of...
Today, Ebony discovered something very weird about herself (in 3rd person)
She discovered how much she likes a very un-Ebony band.
(No, it's not AAR, we already knew that one :L)
(shall we further your musical education?)

You know what? I never write the names of artists before I write the song.
So here you go, cloud connected:
(Maybe, just read the lyrics and never hurt your precious little ears by listening to the song :L)

People like you
You live in a dream world
You despise the outside
And you fear the next one!

It's in your dream
There's just one question
Should I kill?
Or should I be left behind?

Sick and tired
Of all your complaints
This is the hour
We bring them down!

I've come to realise
With every little glimpse, you fade
I was told that I could fly
When least expected,
Cloud connected

You seem to be
So introverted
How come we fail
With all that is given?

You crossed the line
You remember my name
Time runs backwards
As we're heading that way

I've come to realise
With every little glimpse, you fade
I was told that I could fly
When least expected,
Cloud connected

I've come to realise
With every little glimpse, you fade
I was told that I could fly
When least expected,
Cloud connected

One-way ticket

one - the randomest part wasn't the bananas or the tent pegs...
TWO - I HAVE SOMETHIGN TO TELL YOU BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW
three - it already feels nice to think about...
four - i still miss you

I have this feeling that everyone secretly resents me
I think it's because I've recently found my inner resentment for everyone else.
That sounds bitchy, I'll explain

I'm very one-sided.
I am capable of giving a lot more than I can receive
So I give a lot, and people get sick of taking it because I'm being annoying (or being Ebony, as I like to phrase it)
So then they push me away, if only for a second
And I take everything back and hate them for it.

Damn, I explained this a lot better yesterday.

Vanessa and I were very bored at work yesterday, so we started making a list of "5 Guys I'd Like To Be In An Elevator With". We came up with many more than 5. So we decided it would be a boat. And we would cruise the world. But this means we have to bring "5 Guys I'd Like To Have At My Dinner Table" into it, because of the whole being on a cruise and having a conversation thing.
Here is a very slight snippet of the population of our boat:

Tyson Ritter
Mark Harmon (<33)
George Clooney
Harisson Ford
House
Colin Firth
Matthew McConaughey
Jean-Luc Picard
Antonio Banderas
Brad Pitt
JFK Junior
Harm Rabb (JAG)
Jared Padelecki
Milo Ventimiglia
Johnny Depp
Orlando Bloom
Dick Van Dyke

Cory's eyes are like a jungle, he smile's it's like the radio
He whispers words into my window in words that nobody knows
There's pretty girls on every corner, they watch him as he's walking home
Saying "does he know?" Will you ever know?

You're beautiful, every little piece, love
Don't you know? You're really gonna be someone
Ask anyone
When you find everything you've looked for
I hope your life leads you back tomy door
Oh, but if it don't
Stay beautiful

Cory finds another way to be the highlight of my day
I'm taking pictures in my mind so I can save them for a rainy day
It's hard to make conversation when he's taking my breath away
I should say "hey, by the way..."

You're beautiful, ever little piece love
Don't you know? You're really gonna be someone
Ask anyone
When you find everything you've looked for
I hope for life leads you back to my door
Oh but if it don't,
Stay beautiful

If you and I are a story that never gets told
If what you are is a daydream, I never get to hold
At least you'll know..

You're beautiful, every little piece love
Don't you know? You're really gonna be someone
Ask anyone
And when you find every thing you've looked for
I hope your life leads you back to my front door
Oh, but if it don't, will you stay...
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,
La la la
Oh, oh oh oh,
Oh, but if it don't
Stay beautiful
Stay beautiful

Ladies and gentlemen (mainly ladies though), this is Sean Faris.

You know, the picture pretty much says it all.

Hello, I'm Ebony

Hello, I'm Ebony, and I know I'm still lying to myself, but I try to listen to my heart a little more, and she tries to tell me what the hell is going on.

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I really would have blogged over the past few days, but I've been really busy.
Sat - easter show
Sun - work, then joannies party
Mon - joannies party, then pick sis up from work, take her to friends house, watch footy with dad =)

speaking of; the dragons arent winning anymores =(
(no, i dont follow football. i just happydance with my dad when we are on top of the leader board. and cut out the exerpt from the newspaper to put on his wrk mate's desk to rub it in his face)

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Hello, I'm Ebony, and I'm happy for the first time in a long time. I'm doing everything I can to make it permanent, but I don't trust myself enough to.

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You don't hurt me anymore.

That is the best feeling in the world. That you don't hurt me, you have nothing to hold over my head anymore. I'm a better person than you. I win <33

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Hello, I'm Ebony, and I'm really lucky. I don't often remember how lucky I am, and usually that means I lose things that mean a lot to me. But I've decided to appreciate things more. It's all to keep now.

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I know I don't thank you enough. And sure, it probably gets really annoying. But everytime I'm about to, you say something that really annoys me. So, sure, you're a great friend. But you annoy me so often... thankyou. i don't know if i mean that

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Hello, I'm Ebony, and my favourite part of the day is being alone. Especially just before I go to sleep. Because no one tells me off for not doing stuff, and I get to just think. Think a lot.

-----

everyday is lifechanging, have you noticed that? when you wake up in the morning, you now that by nighttime everything will be different. every part of your life will have changed. some for the better, and some for the worse. but they'll all be different. 24 hours doesnt seem like that long a time, but it is... and when people say life is short... are they kidding?! if TODAY is long, then life is like.... infinite. i mean, imagine what you will go through before you die... imagine how much everything will change ...now tell me life is short (actually don't, i might get annoyed at you)

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Hello, I'm Ebony, and I'm scared of a lot of things in life. I'm scared of change, I'm scared of myself, I'm scared of the dark, I'm scared of death, I'm scared of life, I'm scared of being lonely.

-----

One- more thing before I go

Two- the one who loves me so

Three- don't make me count to three again

I think that is hilarious.
I am clearly very easily amused.

Stop pretending

That what you mean isn't what you say

Haha, but it isn't.

-----

Hello, I'm Ebony, and my blog has become a way that I figure out myself, but it's really just made me realise that I don't know myself at all. And more than that, I never want to know myself.
So I'll stop blogging now...

Jump.

Hello. I'm Natalie, and I'm miserable, but not actively.

Hello, I'm Danielle, and I've been getting used to misery so much, I'm becoming somewhat happy again.

Hello. I'm Chelsea, and I'm miserable too, the last time I was happy without faking it I was six. It's ten years later, and for the first time, I have a genuine reason to be happy and I'm still miserable, I don't know how to let it out.

Hello everyone, I'm not ready to tell you my name yet, and I recently met some people that make me smile, but I'm too afraid that if I get close to them, I'll lose them like everyone else.

Hello, I'm Casey and i'm a little bit afraid of everything

Hello...
I'm Jordan, and I'm sorry.



Welcome to Misery's Anonymous.

I don't know why I'm doing this. I think because I want somone to understand me, and I want people to be more trusting and honest. I think by doing this I'm causing greater dishonesty. But I'm the one who screws everything up anyways.

-----

Cory finds another way to be the highlight of my day

I'm taking pictures in my mind so I can save them for a rainy day

It's hard to make conversation when he's taking my breath away...

-----

Sometimes I just want to jump.
I think the fall would be good for me.
There comes a point when it helps to let go...
Maybe I'm ready to let go of it...
Maybe, before I stuff it up, I should admit it to myself.
My conscience can only deal with so much.

it isn't just an Egyptian river;
denial. - trippinballsdude

But now I'm lying to myself again, aren't I?
I think I've forgotten how to tell myself the truth
I think I sugarcoat it in so many lies and wishes,
That 'truth' loses all meaning.

And yet, both sides of the story have equal 'truth'
My ability to argue them both cannot be a good thing...
I don't know which I feel, which I believe...

But what if these thoughts can unite?
What if both sides can be true?
What if it can change?
And I can stop lying to myself?

But I know that will never happen,
For as long as my head and heart are at war
I will always be lying to myself...

-----

By the way, my conscience, her name is Laura.

-----

I know you know somewhere inside of you tht this is all about you. I know countless others will assume it's about them, but you will doubt it. Please never doubt yourself.

Under house arrest

My mother is officially doing anything within her power to keep me from my computer. Thus lack of blogs. (I call in lack, you call it no more blog flooding, but we're on the same page).

This is all I really have time for, I'm going to the city today with dad + nikki, and then we're going to a friend's place for dinner. I don't think I'll get around to blogging about my work getting flooded and having to evacuate. (And the story has such potential too), just make up the details in your head. It's funnier that way…

Here's the thingimo stealed form miish/nina/amy

Ten things I could say to ten different people right now:
1. Thankyou for never taking anything for granted. You are so amazing, and I'm so glad I get to see it.
2. You're beautiful, and sure, people see that now, but I saw it first. Stay beautiful.
3. I'm scared we're drifting. I love you, and everytime we move further apart, it tears me up inside. =(
4. Thanks for being so amazingly you. I really miss you, so much, I hope we have some classes together next year.
5. You don't see me the way I do. You think you see more of me, but you actually only see a part of me. Look deeper.
6. I want to make you happy. Sure, you smile, but so do I. You are such a good friend, and I want you to be happy.
7. I'm sorry if I got too close. But I'm more sorry that you started to walk away. I miss that closeness we had…
8. I know I always thankyou for being you, the truth is I don't what else to say. You stay unwavering, nothing changes.
9. You're getting on my nerves. A lot. You're so selfish, and stubborn, and rude. Everything I see in myself.
10. I want to be you. You in every possible way. You're amazing way of dealing with every situation. Teach me.

Nine things about myself:
1. My mind usually makes sense to me. Just like Amy. Cuz I'm not random, if you understand me.
2. I love you guys more than you will ever know. And it hurts me everytime you don't want a hug.
3. I overanalyse EVERYTHING. Usually it's just a thinking too much thing. But I can be entertained for hours by a number plate…
4. I always make a wish on 11:11. But for the past week, it's been a wish that everything will stay the same.
5. I'm always either happy or sad. I don't really have "ok" moods. That means either I'm generally happy and currently sad or generally sad and currently happy.
6. I copy people in a lot of ways, but I only do it if I admire something in you. Usually people get pissed off by it, but it's a pretty big compliment.
7. I'm lonely a lot. Especially now that I lost my teddy bear. I really want someone to hug.
8. I have an awesome life. Because all the shit that happened to me, happened a long time ago, and now everything is awesome.
9. I have the craziest dreams EVER. Like the nocturnal cannibal one, and last night I dreamt about a cat jumping out of a person. I'm just imaginative.

Eight ways to win my heart:
1. Make me laugh. (That's really easy)
2. Talk to me when there's other people around that are awesomer than me, but you'd prefer to talk to me.
3. Haha, appearing offline, still talking to me… (inside joke)
4. Chocolate… it has to be said
5. Understanding me, that's asking for a lot, but yeah, knowing what everything I say means.
6. Tell me that you appreciate me. Or that you enjoy talking to me, or that I make you smile. Or all of the above :L
7. Talk to me when you have nothing to say, but just feel like talking to me. We'll think of something to talk about…
8. Catch my eye and wink. Since I totally fail at winking, this is very awesome. ;)


Seven things that cross my mind a lot:
1. what job I'll have in the future
2. general contemplating of the universe…
3. why people say the things they say
4. how people end up how they do
5. whether I'll ever have the child I'm dying to have
6. whether other people are thinking about me
7. what other people are doing at 8:00 in the morning (I think sleeping?)

Six things I wish I never did:
1. pretend to be something I'm not
2. let myself be distanced from some people
3. screw up a particular friendship
4. give up.
5. let go
6. frown

Five turn ons:
1. witty sense of humour. Laughs at things that are normally taken seriously, but also likes to talk DNM.
2. Abnormality. But not in an insane way, just in a does-their-own-thing way.
3. Hazel eyes (yes, I am that shallow)
4. Not afraid to be theirself.
5. Really nice smile. =)

Four turn offs:
1. not able to hold a conversation with me.
2. always follows rules, even the stupid ones
3. breaks own rules. Everyone should have some moral codes.
4. Smoking. It has been said before, it will be said again. ("Hit anyone that smokes weed" "okay?")

Three smileys that describe my life:
1. :)/:L – come on people, bebo!!
2. :S
3. :O

Two things I want to do before I die:
1. Fall in love

2. Be satisfied with my life

One confession:
1. I'm no fool…

Thank God she's back

I made up my mind not to get on MSN until I finished blogging about my weekend.
Of course, I am very weakminded, and so far haven't started blogging. Clearly.
I have to go though, because, clearly, MSN is more important. I will finish this blog in the morning, I just want you to know that I didn't forget.

Ebony wakes up next morning and writes:

We drove to Laurieton. I don't remember much of that... well, it's not important.We listened to crazy dance songs, that was the highlight.
Saturday night... (this is a long, off topic explanation, bear with it)

When I first watched PS: I love you, I was mesmirised. It perfectly described the way you could so completely miss someone, who, in a way, it seemed stayed close. But they weren't close enough to touch, or close enough to see; just close enough to never forget, just close enough to miss.
There was only one part of the movie I disagreed with. She said that women didn't know what they wanted. I have always had chrystal clear views on what I want. Until Saturday night.
(I really take off topic to the next level)

Getting away from everyone in my world for a bit tends to be a real eye opener for me. But this time... words cannot describe.
Anyone from CC camp who remembers Wednesday night (no comment), that was prett much Saturday (not in the way you're thinking). At least, the sadness and insecurity of it. The part that no one gets to see. That no one bothers to look for.

ANYWAYS, that was that. (To hear a freaky/interesting/hilarious/weird story, aske me at school about Ben. I cbb to type it)

Sunday was the baby shower. That was short + sweet, she got some nice gifts, we played a few games, all was good.

Monday we stopped in at the house again for a cup of coffee (=)) and then we were off. We gradually trekked home. I saw a place called coolabah and had Waltzing Matilda stuck in my head for half an hour. We had lunch at Taree. Got back on the roads, and there was SO MUCH TRAFFIC. We were practically parked. It was so ridicuous. I wanted to start talking to the people in the car next to us, but my mum wouldn't let me, I waved a lot though.
Anyways, it was forever until we got hme, and then my mummy hogged my computer to check her emails because she thinks her social life is more important than mine.

And that was our trip.
On the way home, we started naming as many Beatles songs as we can
And singing them.
Sure we were singing the wrong lyrics offkey and out of tune, but we were... a family. And that felt really nice. We did the same thing with Monkees songs. It was pretty fun.


OK, SONG!!
And this time, I seriously want you guys to dowload it.
This song is the saddest thing.
It was about this incident (I love you wikipedia) where a 16 year old girl shot people at a school because she doesn't like Mondays, and she wanted something to do.
She killed 2 adults and injured 8 children.
I don't like Mondays either, but honestly...

Anyways the song is "I don't like Monday" by the Boomtown Rats

To hear it (I don't like its clip) click here. But download it anyway, you have to listen to it a few times to truly appreciate it.

Happy Easter!

I have sad news.

I'm going away for the weekend =O.
B..b..ut... blog??
No. No blog.
You will have to survive without me.
I know it's hard.
But I have faith in you.
You can make it through.

ANYWAYS!
I'm gonna tell you about my easter.

Holy Thursday

so much for last supper. we had pizza in front of the tv using the box as a plate.
but we bought our easter eggs!
well, mum did, after she finished her shift at work.
yes, that is the organisational skills of my family.
in comparisson, im organised
what a shocking revelation...
so yes, i got 2 Lindt bunnies.
=)

Good Friday

the whole family congregates at my auntys to eat.
this is what we do best. eat.
and we'll all catch up
and share chocolate =)
andme and nikki sitll go on an easter hunt
even though we're older
except my aunty writes down the hiding places cuz she can never remember
but hte places she hides are like...impossible
so all my aunts + uncles try and cheat for us
but no one can ever find anything :L
and we do lots of eating

Easter Saturday

Driving to Laurieton for my ex-neighbour's 18th. (Shaarn)
This starts at, like, 4-ish.
We do whatever it is we do.
Check into motel.
I do history hw :L (I've planned my hw for the entire holidays)
We sleep.

Easter Sunday

Wake up Give eggs?
Go to Shaarn's sister's baby shower (Amiee)
Do whatever it is we do
Go back to motel
Bond.
We sleep.

Easter Monday

We drivey drivey back to Sydney.
I convince Dad not to speed cuz its double demerits
He doesn't listen, speeds anyway
I tell him i dont like it when he speeds
he tells me i can walk
i shut up for duration of car trip.
i am possibly on msn (victor: note the POSSIBLY)
My mum screams at me for being on MSN the second i get home "like you can't live without your friends for 2 days"
me: "but i havnt spoken to them since friday"
mum: "youve got the whole holidays"
me: "please mum, just an hour"
mum: "youve got 30 minutes"
me: "thanks mum, i love you" *gives hug*



And that concludes easter.
I'm sure there's something in there about Jesus...
ok then...

Yay Jesus! You die! And be reborn! Yippee!

That wasn't very good.
I'm sorry I totally fail as a catholic

Person who catches train with ebony and sometimes eats almonds: "are you christian?"
ebony, confused: "Im not sure"
Person who catches train with ebony and sometimes eats almonds: "what do you mean?"
ebony, confused: *shrugs*

(I stole the almonds thing from Surviving Myself)

Have a great easter guys!

Imagine.

Now that I have your attention. (such extreme measures, i know)
I am blogging. Well done for noticing.
I am blogging because I should.
And I'm sure I actually have something to say...
And if I do, we shall discover it.
With pictures!

(Note to readers: Today I reached my 100th post of 2009! Which I totally forgot to celebrate. Shall this be the belated birthday?)(Thankyou Mango for bringing that to my attention)

Hello little sunshines.
And welcome to the world of Ebony's mind.
Thankyou for all being my sunshines.
I know that sounds very silly.
But I truly appreciate all of you and your little glows.
The beams of light that comes of all of you and make my world glow.
Many people ask me why I'm always so happy.
The secret is: you.
My sunshines.

I think I am perhaps a person of poor taste.
At least, that is what everyone tells me.
Although it's true. I can never see ugly.
I find that so weird.
But tell me, what is ugly?
How can something be ugly? (other than the colour pink)
What makes it ugly?
I don't really understand.
Why does one thing have more beauty than another? (unless we are speaking of tyson ritter, in which case it is acceptable)

That gives me hope.
And reminds me of my English story.
But it makes me smile.
And believe in something stronger than myself.

"Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have" - Alvi.
Well, you know what I want Alvi? I want you to catch the bus on the last wednesday of term so I can see you one last time before holidays. But that's not something I have, is it?
Getting back to the point of the picture. I like being able to see sparkles in everything (gosh, maybe i'll just be crazy for the whole post) (its such a luna lovegood mood)
go away reality. i dont like you very much. the people in my head are much nicer to me. =)

and maybe some things will never be okay. maybe there are some things that can never be forgiven. and somethings that will forever remain problematic. and maybe im not ready to forget everything just because youve decided that i should.

but i survived it. and that means more to me than your pathetic attemts to make me forget it. i am stronger now. i wont break so easily next time.

i know that i never let anyone take photos of me. and i know im tarnishing my memories. but i never ever forget anything, and i dont need photos to help me. my blog documents everything :L

from here...

i want to make more people smile

i want to make someone's day, everyday

i want to learn to love myself again

i want to learn to love everyone else

i want to be there for someone

i want someone to be there for me

and that will all happen.

because i get to choose.

i totally volunteer to do that.

you aggrivate me so much.

how can someone i care so much about do that?

'ungrateful' was the word i used

and i was right

you have so much... look at all your friends

but we're not just here to help you out

it would be nice if you returned the favour

and you know, if you could stop making us feel bad about ourselves...

that would be nice too...

that's just so true.

i like things in circles.

and things written in highlighters.

i.e. most/all of my 'Dream.' artworks :L

i should put them in circles...

today... my favourite song is... "You Don't Have To Say You Love Me" by Dusty Springfield =) I don't know what that says about me. Interpret at will.

Yesterday it was "Fallin' Apart" by AAR.

I remember the Friday night dinner at the grandparents. (how Gilmore girls). Every Friday night we would go over. A perfect meal would be prepared. We would all catch up. Everyone would laugh and smile, and, being wogs, we would eat (Note: this is how all wogs bond, over food). We would all sit at the huge dining room table, and this would be its only use... other than Christmas. My grandparents would smile as they watched their beautiful family. And then we would all play cards. Well, the adults. And when my aunty lost, as she would, so early, she would come and tell me and my sister a story. I still remember the stories, about the animals in the gardens. And then "i wanna go on an adventure".

I remember how my Dad would come back so happy, this was the only time he realy got to see his family. And I remember how much Mum hated those dinners. "It's such a hassle" she would say. "every Friday night, it's so inconvenient".

And eventually the dinners stopped. The Christmas celebrations moved to the children's houses. And the dining room table sits there. All alone in the room that is never used.

(This is very long and boring. I'm sorry if you read the whole thing)

(It makes me wanna write a story about a dining room table)

=)

No explanation necessary.

=) I told you all my secrets too...

Movie madness

SUPPOSEDLY if you've seen over 85 films, you have no life. There are 240 films on this list, put x's next to the films you've seen, then add them up.


() Rocky Horror Picture Show (i REALLY wanna see that!!)
(x) Grease
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest
( ) Boondock Saints
() Fight Club
( ) Starsky and Hutch
(x) Neverending Story
( ) Blazing Saddles
( ) Airplane
Total: 4

() The Princess Bride
( ) Anchorman
(x) Napoleon Dynamite
( ) Labyrinth
( ) Saw
( ) Saw II
( ) White Noise
( ) White Oleander
() Anger Management
(x) 50 First Dates
(x) The Princess Diaries
(x) The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
Total so far: 8

( ) Scream
( ) Scream 2
( ) Scream 3
( ) Scary Movie
( ) Scary Movie 2
( )Scary Movie 3
( ) Scary Movie 4
( ) American Pie
( ) American Pie 2
( ) American Wedding
( ) American Pie Band Camp
Total so far: 8

(x) Harry Potter 1
(x) Harry Potter 2
(x) Harry Potter 3
(x) Harry Potter 4
(x) Harry Potter 5
( ) Resident Evil 1
( ) Resident Evil 2
() The Wedding Singer
( ) Little Black Book
( ) The Village
( x) Lilo & Stitch
Total so far: 14

(x) Finding Nemo
(x) Finding Neverland
( ) Signs
(x) The Grinch
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
( ) White Chicks
( ) Butterfly Effect ( i rented it but never got around to watcing it =()
(x) 13 Going on 30 aka Suddenly 30
(x) I, Robot
(x) Robots
Total so far: 20

( ) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
( ) Universal Soldier
(x) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
( ) Along Came Polly
( ) Deep Impact
( ) KingPin
(x) Never Been Kissed
(x) Meet The Parents
( ) Meet the Fockers
( ) Eight Crazy Nights
( ) Joe Dirt
( ) King Kong (2003)
Total so far: 23

(x) A Cinderella Story
( ) The Terminal
(x) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
( ) Dumb & Dumber
( ) Dumber & Dumberer
( ) Final Destination
( ) Final Destination 2
( ) Final Destination 3
( ) Halloween
( ) The Ring
( ) The Ring 2
( ) Surviving X-MAS
(x) Flubber
Total so far: 26

( ) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
( ) Practical Magic
( ) Chicago
( ) Ghost Ship
( ) From Hell
( ) Hellboy
( ) Secret Window
( ) I Am Sam
( ) The Whole Nine Yards
( ) The Whole Ten Yards
Total so far: 26

(x) The Day After Tomorrow
( ) Child's Play
( ) Seed of Chucky
( ) Bride of Chucky
(x) Ten Things I Hate About You
( ) Just Married
( ) Gothika
( ) Nightmare on Elm Street
(x) Sixteen Candles
( ) Remember the Titans
( ) The Grudge
( ) The Grudge 2
( ) The Mask
( ) Son Of The Mask
Total so far: 29

( ) Bad Boys
( ) Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
( ) Lucky Number Slevin
(x) Ocean's Eleven
(x) Ocean's Twelve
(x) Bourne Identity
(x) Bourne Supremacy
( ) Lone Star
( ) Bedazzled
( ) Predator I
( ) Predator II
( ) The Fog
(x) Ice Age
( ) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
(x) Curious George
Total so far: 35

( ) Independence Day
( ) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
( ) Darkness Falls
( ) Christine
(x) ET
( ) Children of the Corn
( ) My Boss's Daughter
( ) Maid in Manhattan
( ) War of the Worlds
( ) Rush Hour
( ) Rush Hour 2
Total so far: 36

( ) Best Bet
(x) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
( ) She's All That
( ) Calendar Girls
( ) Sideways
( ) Mars Attacks
( ) Event Horizon
(x) Ever After
(x) Wizard of Oz
( ) Forrest Gump
( ) Big Trouble in Little China
( ) The Terminator
( ) The Terminator 2
( ) The Terminator 3
Total so far: 39

(x) X-Men
( ) X-Men 2
( ) X-Men 3
(x) Spider-Man
(x) Spider-Man 2
(x) Sky High
( ) Jeepers Creepers
( ) Jeepers Creepers 2
( ) Catch Me If You Can
(x) The Little Mermaid
(x) Freaky Friday
( ) Reign of Fire
( ) The Skulls
( ) Cruel Intentions
( ) Cruel Intentions 2
( ) The Hot Chick
(x) Shrek
(x) Shrek 2
Total so far: 47

( ) Swimfan
( ) Miracle on 34th street
( ) Old School
(x) The Notebook
( ) K-Pax
( ) Krippendorf's Tribe
(x) A Walk to Remember
( ) Ice Castles
( ) Boogeyman
( ) The 40-year-old Virgin
Total so far: 49

( ) Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring
( ) Lord of the Rings The Two Towers
( ) Lord of the Rings Return Of the King
(x) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
( ) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
( ) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Total so far: 50

( ) Baseketball
( ) Waiting for Guffman
( ) House of 1000 Corpses
( ) Devils Reject
(x) Elf
( ) Highlander
( ) Mothman Prophecies
( ) American History X
( ) Three
Total so Far: 51

( ) The Jacket
( ) Kung Fu Hustle
( ) Shaolin Soccer
( ) Night Watch
(x) Monsters Inc.
(x) Titanic
( ) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
( ) Shaun Of the Dead
( ) Willard
Total so far: 53

( ) High Tension
( ) Club Dread
( ) Hulk
( ) Dawn Of the Dead
(x) Hook
(x) Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
( ) 28 days later
( ) Orgazmo !
( ) Phantasm
( ) Waterworld
Total so far: 55

( ) Kill Bill vol 1
( ) Kill Bill vol 2
() Mortal Kombat
( ) Wolf Creek
( ) Kingdom of Heaven
( ) The Hills Have Eyes
( ) I Spit on Your Grave aka the Day of the Woman
( ) The Last House on the Left
( ) Re-Animator
( ) Army of Darkness
Total so far: 55

(x) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
(x) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
(x) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith
(x) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
(x) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
(x) Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
( ) Ewoks Caravan Of Courage
( ) Ewoks The Battle For Endor
Total so far: 61

(x) The Matrix
( ) The Matrix Reloaded
( ) The Matrix Revolutions
( ) Animatrix
( ) Evil Dead
( ) Evil Dead 2
( ) Team America: World Police
( ) Red Dragon
( ) Silence of the Lambs
( ) Hannibal

OVERALL TOTAL: 62

That's right Rosa, I totally kicked your ass, whilst still having a life. Oh yeah, I'm that cool!

PS: I may blog later. If I'm bothered.

Grow.

This is pretty much just random ranting :L

Some are good, smoe are bad

Some are about readers, some are about people none of you even know

I don't even know if you'll bother reading it all

BY THE WAY!! Can anyone tell me what the hell simultaneous equations are?? Are they equations on the same number plane or is Shiri stupid? And for goodness sake don't tell me how to solve them. just tell me what they are!!

I know that hug meant something different to you than what it meant to me. I also know that I somehow, magically, fit perfectly in your arms, as if we were designed for each other. And you only hugged me because you thought I needed it. Which I did. Yeah, I've said it before, I'll say it again, you're awesome.

***

I shouldn't be so happy after talking to you. I really shouldn't. But you brighten my every day. It's like, for 10 minutes afterwards, I can't do anything but smile. Which is strange, because I've never known anyone with that effect on me. I admitted that you were my favourite, I didn't say that I now count you amongst my best friends.

(N2S: stop doing this you silly)

***

Oh goodie, let's have an immature fight. I'm sure that's a great way to solve all our problems. Oh wells, at the end of the day I am happy and you are not.

***

SPEAKING OF! I'm happy. No, really, I'm happy. Can you believe it? How long has it been?? A bloody long time!! But I've done it, I'm happy again.

***

… I had the weirdest dream last night. I mean, I thought that part of my life was behind me (is anyone else getting déjà vu?), but I guess not. I think, maybe, because we can now have a conversation without me stammering my way through it, more to the point we can now have a conversation. That's new. But the feeling, that was old.

***

Now I can say it to your face. And you know what? I'm proud of that. I can finally face up to you, instead of letting myself be hurt by you, and changed by you. I liked myself how I was, thanks all the same, and now that you're gone, I can go back to being myself.

***

There comes a point in your life when you realise that… you're growing up. That instead of you and your sister fighting, suddenly it's your parents. That when it comes time to plan birthdays, and such, you take on a bigger role. When they do something, your parents ask for your advice. I guess, it's like, you've started looking after them, not the other way wround.

When mum got sick a few weeks back (did I neglect to mention that on my blog?), sudddenly, everything was about me and Nikki. We pretty much took care of our family. Dad would go to work, come home, and occassionally cook, but that was about it. Nikki and I would come home, make Mum a cup of tea, sit on the lounge and watch TV with her, constantly asking if she needed anything. On the day that she could only eat/drink clear things, I walked up to the shops to get her barley sugars. We would check her emails for her, put on movies for her, get her a blanket, or a glass of water, anything to stop her getting up... or at least we did try to.

I guess it was a really eye-opening experience, that now I have some sort of independence. I can do things for myself. I can do things for others as well. I'm not so much of a selfish bitch (Emphasises "so much").

***

It's really nice to be appreciated.

Thankyou for appreciating me.

(Why do I always sound retarded when I talk about you?)

***

I know you don't think that your smile has so much of an effect on me. And I know you think that when you said that stuff, I just brushed it off. But really, no one else Can ever… do that. Can make me smile so… happily. Haha, I don't make any sense, and you don't read this, why the hell am I bothering?? :L

***

Today, Sandie said that someone in her group said that they like talking to me when they're depressed because I make them feel better. That totally made my day

***

I really really want to put the lyrics to "I Can Wait Forever" here again.

But I shall resist.

She says I never listen and I'm not attentive to her emotions
I say she's got tunnel vision, only sees it her way,
so we never can work it out.
She's all ready to give up and move on, I don't think she knows,
how I wish sometimes she could read my mind.

CHORUS
If she knew how bad I wanna make this work,
how my love belongs to her,
she wouldn't be able to walk away.
If she knew how bad I gotta have her close,
if I ever let her go, I wouldn't make it a single day,
she would never have to ask again
if she knew how bad

I've got it
Gotta find a way to tell her how I feel before it is over
I guess I could have done things better
I never should have let things get this far
She's all ready to give up and move on,
I don't think she knows
How I wish sometimes she could read my mind

CHORUS

The thought of losing her because I did something wrong
I guess I should have been there whenever she needed someone
It's a feeling that I know would kill me, cause
she's my heart, my soul, my love
I would never give her up

CHORUS

If she knew how bad
how bad I really love her
how bad, how bad,
if she only knew how,
how bad I really love her
I just can't live without her
If she knew how bad,
if she knew how bad


look at his eyes
=O =O
!!!

I'm worth $8570

How much are you worth?
PS: Working today, this is all I have time for.

Hair Color:
[] Black = $100
[] Blonde = $50
[] Red = $75
[x] Brown = $15
[] Bald = $5
[] Other=$2

Eye Color:
[x] Brown - $150
[] Green - $75
[] Blue $50
[] Hazel $100
[] Other - $15

Height:
[] Over 7' - $200
[] 6'8" to 7' - $175
[] 6'0" to 6'7" - $150
[x] 5'5" to 5'11" - $75
[]4'9" to 5'4" - $50
[]Under 4'9 - $45

Age:
[] 41 to 50 - $150
[] 31 to 40 - $100
[] 26 to 30 - $75
[] 21 to 25 - $50
[] 19 to 20 - $25
[X] 0 to 18 - $100

Birth Order: mark all that apply
[] Twins or more than twins - $300
[] First Born - $300
[]Only Child - $250
[x]second born - $150
[] Middle child - $100
[x]Last Born - $200
[] third born - $100
[] fourth born - $100
[] fifth born - $375
[] sixth born - $400


Drink?
[x] No - $400
[] Only Holidays - $300 -
[] Sometimes - $215
[] YES - $200
[] only weekends - $250
[] Every other day - $50
[] Once a day - $15
[] I live from the bottle - $0

Vision?
[x] perfect vision - $300
[] need or have glasses/contacts but don't wear them - $200
[] No correction - $100
[] Glasses - $50
[] contacts - $200
[] Surgical correction - $ 135

Car Color [or families' cars]
[x] White - $2,000
[] Maroon - $800
[] Gold - $700
[] Gray - $600
[] Blue - $900
[] Light Blue - $850
[] Pink - $475
[] Black - $450
[] Red - $400
[] Green- $350
[x] Silver - $300
[] Purple - $250
[] Metallic - $200
[] Yellow - $100
[] Primer - $75
[] Tan - $20
[] Rusted - $15
[] No Car - $0

Shoe Size:
[] 13+ - $300
[]12 and a half to 13 - $250
[] 11 to 12 - $700
[] 7 to 10 - $600
[x] Under 7- $850

Favorite Colors (three):
[x]Green - $750
[]Black - $600
[] Red - $800
[x]Yellow -$475
[]Brown - $50
[]Purple - $225
[]Aqua - $350
[]Orange - $300
[x]Blue - $300
[]Pink - $100
[]Other - $ 50

now add up!

Did you use a calculator add it all up?
[] Yes - $0
[x] No - add $1000
[] On some - $750

How many people are you going to tag?
[] 100 - 150 = $2500
[] 90 - 80 = $1000
[] 70 - 60 = $900
[] 50 - 40 = $700
[] 30 - 39 = $500 (30 is the limit)
[] 20 - 29 = $100
[] 10-19 = $50
[] 1 - 9 = $5
[x] However many are in your contacts = $1500

you are worth: $8570

Well, at least I beat Rosa, right?

Create.

I just realised that I posted 40 times last month.

Record. =)

I feel like telling secrets, but I know that I have no idea who reads this. (Hello Joel.)

Ah wells, I really don't have time to be writing this, what with things that I should be doing and all. But, I don't have any of the assignment thingos that anyone else has. Except my short story. Which I don't think is homework. I hope. Besides, I have my idea, I just don't have a full story. Oh well, here comes my blog.

(This blog was initially written on Sunday morning. Yes, I am an incredible procrastinator. Anyways, some things have changed between then and now, but I left everything I wrote here. Please enjoy.)

-----

I want to be brave enough to say it to your face. But I won't be. Not because you intimidate me, but because I'm afraid of hurting your already fragile feelings. But when I said what I said, I didn't back, because it's all true. You're the only one who's too blind to see it.

-----

If I had randomly said "I love you" in the middle of our conversation (note to Shailin: this is the NORMAL thing to do), I think I would have freaked you out. Instead, I told you that you were amazing. I know you're reading this right now, and I want you to know that I love you. Not in a freaky way. (Maybe it will still freak you out, and if it does, I'm sorry)

-----

You look so beautiful today

When you're sitting there it's hard for me to look away

So I try to find the words that I could say

I know distance doesn't matter but you feel so far away

And I can't lie

Everytime I leave my heart turns grey

And I want to come back home to see your face

And I

Cause I just can't take it

Another day without you with me

Is like a blade that cuts right through me

But I can wait

I can wait forever

When you call, my heart stops beating

When you're gone, it won't stop bleeding

But I can wait

I can wait forever

You look so beautiful today

It's like everytime I turn around I see your face

The thing I miss the most is waking up next to you

When I look into your eyes, I wish that I could stay

And I can't lie

Everytime I leave my heart turns grey

And I want to come back home to see your face

And I

Cause I just can't take it

Another day without you with me
Is like a blade that cuts right through me
But I can wait
I can wait forever
When you call my heart stops beating
When you're gone it wont stop bleeding
But I can wait
I can wait forever

I know it feels like forever
I guess that's just the price I gotta pay
But when I come back home to feel your touch
Makes it better
Till that day
Theres nothing else that I can do
And I just cant take it
I just cant take it

Another day without you with me
Is like a blade that cuts right through me
But i can wait
I can wait forever (I can wait forever)
When you call my heart stops beating
When you're gone it wont stop bleeding
But I can wait
I can wait forever
I can wait forever
I can wait forever...

{I just want you to know that I put this song here, because I think you need to hear it. I know you could wait forever, I'm the same. Although the song is so far from perfect, a lot of things are, and it goes close. I hope you actually read the lyrics, I think you'd like the song}

-----

I don't want to take sides in your stupid fight. I don't like either of you, but you both think I'll side with you. I think you're both selfish and inconsiderate. You din't understand how everything you do effects everyone around you.

-----

I think… I'm almost happy. I'm pretty sure I'm almost happy. Not quite there, but bloody close. I'm back to the flowers and rainbows and unicorns. I smile at random people for no reason.

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I have written more of my story

You wanna HEAR???

(Of course you all do)

Living with Mum whilst she was sick was so difficult. She tried to make jokes about her condition, she tried to cheer me up, but we both knew it was fruitless. Looking back, I probably should have been a little more cheerful. After all, if I was dying, I wouldn't want anyone moping about, I'd like them to enjoy the little life I had left.

Each day, the prospect of her death loomed closer. Eventually, she was admitted to hospital, but her condition continued to worse. All the time getting sicker, and sadder. Much, much sadder.

And some point in time though, she started to accept it. She knew what was coming, and there became a way for her to be okay with it. Maybe she had some sort of realisation of truth, maybe her life flashed before her eyes and she liked it, I don't know what happened, but it seemed to work.

I wasn't okay with it, though. She seemed so unconcerned about dying, like, it was okay with her. I couldn't deal with that. I couldn't deal with losing someone so important in my life. I couldn't deal with her thinking her life was so unimportant. The happier she got, the sadder I did.

But my story is not entirely one of depression. For, the events that followed were not altogether sad. Although death can be a terrifying experience, it is an experience, and there is something to learn from it.

Mum died in her sleep. Perhaps that sentence was the hardest I've ever written. They sa her death was painless, that she felt nothing, and for this I am grateful. I know that I didn't wast me last few days with her, I know that I didn't waste my life with her. For I treasured every moment we spent together.

Of one the hardest parts of life is speculating death. Where do you go from here? What happens after death? Maybe the hardest part of leting go, is not knowing where they're going.

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Tada. Yes that is 500 words. So yes, I'm done my draft =)

By the way, I need a few ways of looking at death. So if you guys can just tell me what YOU think happens when you die, I'll use one of your beliefs in my story. I figure, no one else is warped enough to see it like me.

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In other school news.

Rosa (although I told you at school) I'm blogging my drama mark :L.

I got 18/20.

Is everyone happy now??

haha, good =) (Y)

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Haha, here's what someone commented on an AAR video on youtube:

I'd like to be his pants.
Is that so wrong?

- trishinstlouis

ROFL!!! No, not wrong at all :L