Resolutions

Every year I write myself New Year’s Resolution and either forget them or don’t stick to them. I figure if I write them on my blog, I’m more likely to persevere.
Resolutions:
1. Smile more. Appreciate all the little things in life, and let them make me happy.
2. Stop biting my fingernails. Yeah, I’ve had this one for years, and eventually, I’ll stop. I think it’s an anxiety thing…I dunnno.
3. Become healthier. I have actually had many fruitless attempts at this… still nothing. Although I walk to the station every morning, and that’s gotta be helpful, right?
4. Make more money :) Don’t know why this is here, or why I want to do it, but I do. (Oh, by the way, I made $229.18 last week :O:O)
5. Write everything down. Because eventually it will be lost, and this will be my only record. Or like, write it in a notebook. God know I have enough of those lying around.
6.Fill my memoir account. It will give me a sense of accomplishment. I only need to write another hundred or so.
7. Blog every week. Because every day is impossible with my mother around, but I’ll try.

Oh, and on a completely different note... I've found my moon. :L:L

Still waiting for the splash

I’m sorry if this is random or doesn’t make sense or both.

You know, I pray a lot. I mean, not as much as I used to. For exactly one year I prayed twice a day. For exactly a year after that I prayed every night. And now, I pray when I need help. You see, my beliefs are very unique. I call myself Catholic, but I disagree with most of their teachings, and I have a very different definition of God to most Catholics.

He is a friend, a creator. He sets out merely to make people happy. If you need advice, just ask, and he’ll tell you the answer. I’m normally very good with that one. Lately when I ask for advice I get little in return. Either that or I’m ignoring what he’s trying to tell me.

I’m trying to ignore that. I think, maybe because I’m happy at the moment (I know I keep mentioning it, but come on, it’s so awesome!), if I ask for anything else I’m just being greedy. ‘I wake up every evening, with a smile on my face. And it never feels out of place.’ I don’t need anything more than that.

But some part of me thinks that the things I’m asking for, I shouldn’t be. That it’s not about me not deserving more, but about me wanting things I shouldn’t. That maybe if I ask for the “right” things, there wouldn’t be a problem.

And then I start to question why I want these things, and why I shouldn’t. That’s when I realise that I definitely do and definitely shouldn’t. But I still can’t put my finger on why I shouldn’t.
You know what, my head hurts, I’m shutting up.

Life and happiness

I know I’ve been AWOL lately so I’m gonna blog properly whilst I get the chance.

I’m reading (well, just finished) this book called ‘Where Are You When I Need You?’ by Suzanne Newton. It’s actually a really good book, and it’s opening up this whole new part of me.

See, I dunno who I’m gonna end up as. I don’t even know who I wanna end up as, which sorta scares me. Because I’ve always had this vision of me when I’m older, and it rarely wavers. But now, it has disappeared completely.

In my life, I want to do something I’ll enjoy. I don’t want to find a job that I do because I get paid a lot, or because it’s expected of me, I just want to do something that will make me happy. Does it really matter how much money someone earns? If they can afford food and shelter, then that’s it really, right?

‘Maybe this is what I really wanted to: cook in a kitchen that smelled of buttermilk and spices and wait for someone to come home to me from work. I wouldn’t have to move to a new pace and live among strangers or try to keep up with students ten times smarter than me. The daydream felt safe and cozy, but letting myself think about it made me feel ashamed.’

I’m still really happy, and it’s actually really comforting, but I fear this happiness is because of my time away from school. I’ve always loved learning, but I’ve realised that I’m happiest in school holidays, which makes me wonder why I bother. Why is it so important to do something acceptable?

I have a friend who’s…20? Anyways, she tried uni for a semester, and she didn’t like it. She went to TAFE for a year, and she didn’t like it. She quit both, and kept working at KFC full time, and now everyone thinks she’s let herself down. But when you think about it, in 5 years she could settle down, have kids, and quit working all together and become a stay-at-home mum, and then all her education would be lost, whilst the money isn’t.

Why shouldn’t I just spend my life making myself happy? And yet, some part of me feels that that would be letting myself down, too. I’ve been given a gift, and just blowing it off would be unfair. And I care about that more than I should. I know I’d feel guilty if I did something that just made me smile.

I know this blog is sort of beyond the norm, and it deals with issues that I don’t have to deal with for a few years. But that’s just me, right? Always getting too far ahead of myself.

Oh well, what are your thoughts?

(note the open invitation to comment)

Random incoherent thoughts

I’ve lost it.

(Too many… which to choose?)

Luna, I’ve lost her.

She’s hiding from me, she has been for a week, what if she fell out of the sky, huh? What then? I don’t really have much to say, but if I don’t blog today, I won’t get another chance, so here it is…


Quote: “I’ll see you under the moon” – Instant Message
6 word memoir: We’re gonna be fools again, huh? – Me :P
Song in head: One step at a time – Jordan sparks
Listening to: Are You With Me? – The Potbelleez
Thinking about: Christmas :)
Annoyed by: My mum not letting me on comp much
Cheered by: Knowing that I have 4 days off work this week.
Mood: Warm, happy, smiley, reminiscent.

OK, and just because I'm awesome... have a Christmas carol...


I don't want a lot for Christmas
There's just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is...
You

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There's just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I don't need to hang my stocking
There upon the fireplace
Santa Claus won't make me happy
With a toy on Christmas day
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you
You baby

I won't ask for much this Christmas
I don't even wish for snow
I'm just gonna keep on waiting
Underneath the mistletoe
I won't make a list and send it
To the North Pole for Saint Nick
I won't even stay awake to
Hear those magic reindeers click
'Cause I just want you here tonight
Holding on to me so tight
What more can I do
Baby all I want for Christmas is you
Ooh baby

All the lights are shining
So brightly everywhere
And the sound of children's
Laughter fills the air
And everyone is singing
I hear those sleigh bells ringing
Santa won't you bring me the one I really need
Won't you please bring my baby to me...

Oh I don't want a lot for Christmas
This is all I'm asking for
I just want to see my baby
Standing right outside my door
Oh I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
Baby all I want for Christmas is...
You

Happy birthday Jesus.

Well, Merry Christmas everyone.
I know Christmas Day is tomorrow and all…
But people have been wishing me a Merry Christmas all day, so I thought I’d share the Christmas Joy with you guys.
You know, I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy about Christmas. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy in general. I’ve learnt to appreciate the little things, you see.

You know, if you smile at random strangers (or just in their direction) they smile back. And then you’re even happier because a random stranger smiled at you. People are a lot nicer than I give them credit for. Or maybe it’s just the Christmas Spirit getting to everyone… Either way, it’s so nice.

People keep going on about how much Christmas sucks because there’s all this hype and all this money spent for only a day of celebration, and how it’s not worth it and stuff. But you know what? They’re wrong. Because Christmas is so awesome (AND, I get more work, so more money $D), people randomly say ‘Merry Christmas’ and they do more for each other.



Shevy: “Don’t listen to them, they just can’t afford Christmas, so they don’t get it”

You know, working at Coles is so strange. Because half the time people are real shits to each other (remember, Mac Fields), they scream at each other, and tell each other off. And then they’ll do something nice, like, give a little boy 20c cuz he can’t afford his drink. Or let a pregnant woman go in front of them. And old people are awesome, they’re always so nice to everyone.

I think I smiled at everyone I saw today. People in line waiting for train tickets (because the machine in the ticket window was out at 7:30), both my bus drivers, all my customers, random people walking past, everyone! Most of them smiled back too, and it made me feel all warm and fuzzy :)

Okay, my Dad just showed me my Uncle's bday card, and I'm gonna share with you what it said.

Person 1: "It's windy today"

Person 2:"No, it's Thursday"

Person 3:"So am I, let's have a beer"

ROFL!!

Anyways...

Merry Christmas everyone!!!

My mum will kill me if I get on my comp tomorrow, so I shall say it today.

Just reread my blog tomorrow?? :L

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

Finally, I make sense...oh wait.

Beacause I've been so slack lately, I'm gonna post properly again.
Actually it's not properly, it's Lizzie-style.
I've got loads of shit to put between loads of pictures. Oh the joy

(Note: I wrote half of the shit, but not all of it)
(Note: I'M SORRYY!!)



But no matter how far
Or where you may be
I just close my eyes
And you're in my dreams
And there you will be
Until we meet



And I know I’m so wrong,
but we could be so right.



You’re in my heart
The only light
That shines, there
In the dark



You whisper good-bye then cling tighter to me
I can't take no more.



First you say you love me
Then you say you like me
Next you say we're perfect
Then you push me away

But I'm not giving up
Because one day you'll realise
You were right the first time
We'll be unbreakable



She doesn’t look at the stars anymore,
because it hurts to be reminded of his eyes.



It's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard.
We're gonna have to work at this every day,
but I want to do that because I want you.
I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day.



Somehow I feel you here beside me
Even though you’re not there



She dreams of him every night.
Sometimes it feels too real
And she wakes up smiling
Before remembering...

it's just a dream, and he's out of reach.



There goes somebody's miracle
Walking down the street
There goes some other fairy tale
I wish it could happen to me

But I look at myself
Wonderin' if i'm just too weak
To have such faith in myself



To me, you are everything. And that’s all that matters.



I need you to know you can fall into me
That my arms are wide open
And will always be
Right here waiting, staying strong
Come and fall into me



She's never been very focused.
Studying is such a chore
Even watching TV takes effort
But she started writing about him
And her mind has no where to wander now



Fly away my angel,
and I’ll be back for you.
I promise to never forget
I promise always to love you

For now we must let go
And do what we know is right
Fly away my angel
Everything will be alright



She tore the guardian angel from around her neck and threw it in the lake.
She didn’t need protecting anymore, she needed loving.



I love you, you love her, she loves some guy off TV.

In the end, we’re all screwed, and no one loves me.



I never cry out loud, I
I keep my tears to myself
But I woke up one day and I found my life had left me for someone else
I, I guess it must be unhappy with me



And you're the first thing that's felt real to me in so long
I just want to reach out and touch you
But I can't take a chance with myself
I don't want to lose everything

Ineedyou.



It hurts, you know
To think how perfect we could be
And yet, without a chance
We can only be nothing



(((Did I mention how sorry I was???)))



If I could have one wish
It would be to kiss you in the pouring rain
With everyone thinking we're crazy
But us not caring
Because we're together

Finally



We found our wings and now we fly above the wind
You and me - we found what we're looking for
You made me shine - picked me up when I fell behind
With you I never need to search no more



It's so easy to smile when I think of you.
So easy to think everything is okay
Because, to me, you are more beautiful than life
And that can only bring me joy



I wish I was invisible so I could climb through the telephone



Love is a temple
love is a shrine
love is pure and love is blind

love is a religious sign
I'm gonna leave this love behind.
Love is a hot and love is cold
I've been bought and I've been sold

love is rock and love is roll
I just want someone to hold.



Words can't explain
All the pleasure is worth all the pain
Loving you...
Can't do without what you do to me
I don't care if I'm in too deep



I get this feeling in my stomach
Unlike anything I've ever felt
I picture your face...
And I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster

I'm about to throw up...
But I'm never getting off
Because it feels so nice
To love so much



And who can I possibly be without you?



Friendship isn't a big thing - it's a million little things.



The guy over the road has his eyes
And the boy at school has his name
The night sky has his beauty
The priest at church has his honesty
The guy at the shops has his smile
The dog down the street has his loyalty
The sun shines with his joy
She can’t bear to leave the house anymore
Because she will never have him



You're here with me now but you're saying
you don't want me any more



(((Seriously, I'm really really sorry)))



Now that`s frustrating,
when what your brain tells you, you want
& what you actually want don`t match up.
It`s exhausting. &, well, it`s complicated.
But that`s life. & life sucks



[on the phone]
him: I love you
her: I love you too.
him: no but I love you
her: yeah I love you too.
him: listen, I LOVE YOU
her: -smiles- I love you too.
him: now that's the smile I was looking for.



She still wishes on every birthday cake, fountain, wishing well, eyelash, Santa, and first star. Because one day, God will realise that she needs him.



She’s just a girl.
Who overuses air quotes
And loves music a little too much
She has a smile that lights up the room
And she’s dedicated herself to being a better person
She drinks a little too much coffee
And owns more jeans than necessary.

But none of it matters
Because he is her world now
She only air quotes what he says
And only listens to their song
She smiles when someone mentions his name
And has dedicated herself to becoming him
She only gets coffee from the guy with his smile
She doesn’t care what she looks like anymore
Because she has no one to impress...

She can never be with him



(((I have apologised, right?? Can I do it again??
I'm SORRY!!!)))



You set my soul on fire



In black and white, you're rainbow. – nepsamaiamaspen

Further psychoanalysis of my life

Inspired by Amy.

I normally wait until the end of the year, look back, and say 'that was a great year'.

But this year... that's a load of bullshit.

It has actually been a pretty bad year, and it's in pretty much all aspects of my life.

My group is drifting further apart. We're never all togetehr, and the times that we are, there are more people with us, and we can't be a group. We never spend an entire lunch or recess at our table, everyone's always off doing their own stuff.

My family is getting worse. My parents fight daily now, and even about stupid things
"You never said you didn't want me to do it"
"I never said I wanted you to either"
"But you didn't object when I brought it up"
"You could have asked whether I thought it was a good idea"
"But you just went along with it, you never said..."

Oh yeah, well done guys.
And my mum gets pissed off at me ALL the time, especially for being on my computer (She's at work now, it's okay)
My sister and I, sure we're close, we'll always be close, but we're not as close as we used to be.

My extended family on my dad's side are a little closer after everything that happened with my grandfather, and that's a nice change. But my mum's side hate each other more than ever, she cries when thinking of them now.

And I've sent half my year feeling terrible about myself because of some guy.

So all-in-all, my year pretty much sucked.

... I'll smile anyway.

We all knew Amy was good for something...

I'm sorry I'm doing another quiz. But I have Pradeepti's paty and work today, and this will be my only chance to blog, even yesterday I ddn't have much time. Tomorrow I'm working 10-2, but I should (maybe) have time to blog in the morning.


Taxxd from Amy.

Has a guy ever let you wear his jacket?
yes

Is there stuff from your past that you miss?
stuff or people? cuz i miss the people not the stuff. (eg our group WITHOUT the male overload)

What is in the back seat of your car right now?
uhmm, coat hangers, jacket, pepsi max can and straws "you never know when you're gonna be out and about, and drinking a soft drink, thinking 'if only i had a straw so i could protect the enamel on my teeth'" uhhh, yeah.

What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
saying byebye to my dady

Has anyone ever called you in the middle of the night just to hear your voice?
not in the middle of the night, people know i need my beauty sleep, but yes.

What is your favorite board game?
Monopoly :L but no one will play with me

Have you ever been to a strip club?
:L no

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
uhhh, myself?

What is the last thing you yelled aloud?
"I NEED SLEEP" (no really, i have bluish green shadows under my eyes)

What are you wearing right now?
pjs, and stripey jacket.

What was the last thing you ate?
orange jellybeans (yeah, only the orange ones :S i think its cuz i only eat one flavour at a time so i dont mix them)

Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
nop

What's the last sporting event you watched?
:L about 30 seconds of soccer yesterday (i think it was soccer) because there was some guy in it with the last name LARREA!!!!! seriously!! on tv!! (shuttup all you trans and nguyens, this is exciting for me)

If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?
Home.
I'd find it, and I'd go there

Who is the last person you sent a message to?
shirisha "sure, sounds like a plan!"

Ever go camping?
yup, there were REALLY LOUD people in tents just down from us who were up all night playing music

Have you ever lost anything down a toilet?
:L no

Do you use smiley faces on the computer a lot?
suure.

Are you someone's best friend?
i dont know, ask them.

What are you doing tomorrow?
WORK! (=D=D=D)

Where is your mum right now?
making cup of tea

Look to your left, what do you see?
my sister's formal pictures

What color is your watch?
silver, and the face is soft of a soft cream colour :S

What do you think of when you think of Australia?
Green + Yellow

Do you have a dog?
yes, yes i do

Have you met anyone famous?
well, me!
no.

Any plans today?
Prad's party

Are you happy?
yes, yes i am

What are you doing right now?
6wordmemoiring :L

Are you jealous of anyone?
im not sure

What time is it?
9:15

What do you usually do during the day?
breathe

Do you hate anyone right now?
nope

Do you use the word 'hello' daily?
uhh, yes.

How many best friends do you have of the same sex?
i dunno, 4?

How many do you have of the opposite sex?
uhh, 2?

How old will you be turning on your next birthday?
16 (AND LEGAL) :L (thanks julia)

Quiz.

Stolen from myself. I wanna see how much I’ve changed. (remember the crazy, ok?)

If something was wrong, who is the first boy you would go to?
ummm. God? :).

Who is the first girl you go to?
depends what sector of my life something is wrong in.
Family – Jenny
Friends(group) – Corinne
School – Nikki
Love - Amy
Everything else - Amy

If someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?
probably not :S

Do you prefer to take showers at night or in the morning?
in the morning, so I feel clean during the day (but at night if I’ve had a sour cream fight during the day :))

Which year has been the best so far?
07 :) Go year 8!

Ever found more than a dollar in a random place?
Nope.

Do you believe that if you want something bad enough you'll get it?
no.

Break someones heart or have your heart broken?
learn to love each other (I know that’s not always possible, but im writing it anyway)

Are you a morning person or a night person?
Neither. I’m just a person. (Well, you know, close enough)

When was the last time you did the dishes?
hehe, as in, put dishes in dishwasher? :L yesterday

Are you talking to anyone while doing this?
myself. What??

Three feelings at the moment?
scared. Happy. Tired.

What are you scared of?
:L:L ummm, life, mainly.

Are you thinking of someone right now?
same person I was thinking of last time.

What are you looking forward to?
life.
Ok, that’s bullshit.
Uhhh, work!! And Christmas!

What did you do the last time you were home alone?
huh, blog? Normally I get on my computer…

Are you tanned?
:L sock tan!!

Do you get jealous easily?
didn’t used to

How good is your eyesight?
its alright

Worst part about hugs?
letting go

When was the last time something bothered you?
things always bother me

What is your current mood?
wishful :)

Last person you hung out with?
my family (about bloody time!)

What sport do you enjoy watching?
I don't.

Could you date someone who was gay?
Yes. I love gay people!! (e.g. KALE :L:L:L:L)

Whats the last thing someone said to you?
“Ebony!! Could you make sure the house is clean!!!”

What is the last thing you thought about?
my dad just got home, ill have to go soon

How do you feel about your hair right now?
oh, I like it. It’s soft (Go my shampoo! on special!!)

What do you miss most about the past?
my group being a group

Has anyone told you a secret this week?
hell yeah!

Do you get along better with men or women?
Girls!

Last time you had butterflies in your stomach?
don't wanna say

Who was the last person to make you cry?
Holly Marie Combs (think i spelt her name wrong :S)

Are you jealous of anyone?
nop

Do you have a best friend?
no…

What is your favo(u)rite thing about the opposite sex?
when they touch you, you feel safe. I dunno why, but it’s like, you’re protected.

Ever liked someone else’s boyfriend or girlfriend ?
no

Does heartbreak really feel as bad as it sounds ?
hearts don’t break, they bend:)

Are you happy with your life right now?
Happy?? YES.

Do you wish you could have changed things?
slightly

How many bestfriends do you have?
none.

Do you trust them?
I don’t think I completely trust anyone.

Do you like anyone right now?
I like loads of people!

What’s one thing you wish you could have?
wisdom

Are any of your friends birthdays this week?
Pradeepti and Ann. (16th and 19th)

Do you like people?
Well, you know…
:L Yes, I like people

Is there someone you wish you could see more?
See? Yes.

Do you have all your friends phone numbers memorized?
Umm, no, hence PHONEBOOK in phone

Do you have a cellphone?
MOBILE!!! yes

What always makes you feel better?
music, smiling, blogging, singing

Name someone you go to when your upset
God :)

Do they help you?
Yes, he listens.

Are you a trustworthy person?
Of course
Why? You wanna tell me something?

Life in so many words

Today we were talking about someone. (Yes, the we is Amy & I). And we said how we wouldn’t want to ruin them by liking them, how it would break their beauty. But, you know what I realised? How could it? How can love ruin someone? If it is true, can’t it only make them more beautiful than before?

And then I found this:
Everyone says love hurts, but that is not true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts. Everyone gets these things confused with love, but in reality, love is the only thing in this world that covers up all pain and makes someone feel wonderful again. Love is the only thing in this world that does not hurt.

And that pretty much summed it up.

So, Amy, the reason I don’t like him isn’t that I don’t want to ruin him. And it’s not that he still has ‘primary school’ written all over him, cuz he doesn’t anymore. But, you’ve probably figured out the reason I don’t like him.

Anyway, I found all this D&M stuff today. And I thought I might post it. :)

When I was 5 years old, my mom always told me that happiness was the key to life.

When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I wrote down “happy.” They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, I told them they didn’t understand life.

I’m not stupid, I just lack common sense.

I don’t like him, I love him.

I’m not rude, I’m just honest.

I’m not mean, I just got jokes.

I’m not insecure, I just don’t trust people.

Too often, the thing you want most is the one thing you can’t have. Desire leaves us heartbroken, it wears us out. Desire can wreck your life. But as tough as wanting something can be, the people who suffer the most, are those who don’t know what they want.

a thousand words,
but none were spoken.
guess there’s nothing left to say.
another dream just broken,
i guess things just turn out that way.

You deserve good things, and I want to be one of them.

Don’t make me happy. Please, don’t fill me up and let me think that something good can come of any of this. Look at my bruises... Do you see the graze inside me? Do you see it growing before your very eyes, eroding me? I don’t want to hope for anything anymore.

"and then I felt sad because I realized that once people are broken in certain ways, they can’t ever be fixed, and this is something nobody ever tells you when you are young and it never fails to surprise you as you grow older and you see the people in your life break one by one, you wonder when your turn is going to be, or if it’s already happened"

Many things lost, but much gained. You never know what you had until it’s gone, and you never know what you really want until you’re alone. I haven’t really changed, but I’m not the same person.
Being alone either makes you get wiser or just insane, but maybe I’m both?

Growing up is never straightforward. There are moments when everything is fine, and other moments, when you’re a teenager and you realize that there are certain memories that you’ll never get back, and certain people that are going to change. And the hardest part is realizing that there’s nothing you can do except watch them, and realize that everything is going to change.

Dreams are always crushing when they don’t come true. But it’s the simple dreams that are often the most painful, because they seem so personal, so reasonable, so attainable. You’re always close enough to touch, but never close enough to hold. And it’s enough to break your heart.

"soon it will be too late. soon you will find someone, who is absolutely perfect for you. then i will never get to show you, that you were are absolutely perfect for me"

I told them all the great things about you, and there were a lot.

I was up there for awhile.

I didn’t tell them everything, though.

I left out the complicated stuff, like how it took losing you forever for me to truly find you.

And how finding you turned me into someone else entirely.

That’s not what they came for.

People want to hear that you are great.

And you were great.

They want to know I miss you.

And I do.

It’s weird though, I feel like the only one who would understand this is you.

Anyway, I left that all out and kept it simple.

I told them I loved you just like I always have and just like I always will, and that’s the truth.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ok, you guys know how I’m trying this new honesty thing?

Yeah, it applies to all aspects of my life.

But there’s one part of my life I will never be able to own up to.

One question that will be asked more and more as we grow older,

that I will never be able to answer truthfully,

because I am so ashamed of one part of myself.

I haven’t lied about it yet,

I avoid the question,

or blush so much that people realise they’re intruding,

and move on.

But I’m so scared that one day someone will demand an answer,

and I’ll have to tell them.

I always warn people that I’m a bad person.

I remember telling my cabin group on year 7 camp

that it was unwise to be my friend because of how awful I am,

I guess they didn’t listen.

I’m scared that if anyone finds out this part of me,

they will never want to talk to me again.

That this will be the one thing that throws them over the edge.

I touched on my secret once in a blog ,

but I’ve never told you what happened,

and I don’t think I ever can.

You see, I’m so scared of myself.

I know if I had a friend who had done these things, I would never forgive them.

Now I’ve probably got you all worried,

thinking I’m some sort of serial killer or something.

Well, I’m not, I’ve never hurt anyone… I’ve just scarred a few.

One day, I swear I will tell you guys everything.

Well, I'll leave out the details, even though you'll want to know.

Everyone wants to know.

These are the things in my life you want to know about

The unknowns, the yet-to-experience

That's the stuff you ask me about

Cuz you guys will experience this for yourselves

Just in a better, safer way than me

I'm sorry about that.

Sometimes, it annoyes me that things didn't work out

It annoys me that I ended up being who I am

Instead who I should be

I wish I could be that person I always had my visions of

But someone else ruined me first

Now I try to reserve everyone else, I guess

No one wants to live with that regret...

I'm sorry, again!

Tryuing to convince myself to shut up

Then again, that's usually unsuccessful.

I have to go now, because my mum is all pissy
Apparently, I'm not appreciateing my family
Darling! It's only you and dad home!
And I'm enjoying that you guys are agreeing, not arguing
Do I really want to come and ruin that??

But I will, because I am awesome

I hope everyone njoyed my pictures, and my pretty little writing decorations

(I've branched out from just colours)

And I know this is my second blog today

But I didn't blog yesterday

Because in between school and work I had 45 minutes

And it takes half an hour to get ready

And it takes me about an hour to blog

(I think about things carefully, okay?)

(Don't want to regret anything... too late!)

Oh yeah, thankyou for making me smile today!!