On Echo Chambers

The world is full of people who agree and disagree with you. And me. There are millions of people on both sides. But we don't like to think about the people who disagree with us, we like to think that those people are stupid and that we wouldn't bother ourselves with people like that. We like to laugh at the idea of them from afar, without engaging in their debate.

And the internet has become another place for us to surround ourselves with others of our own opinions. We follow facebook pages of political parties and comedians and scientific groups and all sorts of communities that share our ideals. So we can point and laugh at The Other and how silly they must be for their opinions. We unfriend the people who disagree with us until we are sitting in an echo chamber; screaming at people who agree with us.

Because it's nicer to say something and hear "yes! you're right! that's true!" than to hear "well actually I disagree, I don't think that makes sense". So that's what comes up in our newsfeed. People who agree with us. Our social media pages become an echo of the thoughts in our head. They make us feel comfortable and content.



After the Vegas shooting (and oh gosh, I hope when you read this the world has not reached a point where we say "which Vegas shooting?"), my newsfeed changed. I started seeing pages from pro-gun people. I started seeing arguments I'd never heard before. I started to understand why they thought they were being logical. They laughed at anti-gun people just the same. They mocked them - pointed out flaws in their logic. And of course, there are always flaws.

I wonder if Facebook made this choice. If I was some pawn in their game, trying to determine whether my viewing habits changed from this. Or if it was just a mistake in the algorithm. Too many of my friends liking and commenting on these pages that they thought showing them to me was a good idea.

I wonder if it changed the way I converse with these people. I wonder if it made me more tolerant or helped me search for compromise.

I wonder if realising the racism of so many of my friends and family members makes me more tolerant of those people. Or does it make me less tolerant?

I wonder if hearing my family discussing at the dinner table the idea that it's perfectly ok to assault someone if they assault you first will make me a more hateful person or a more accepting person.


...I just want to go back to my echo chamber. Where there is always someone who knows the answer. Where there is wisdom to defer to.

Please let me go back.

The prize

I know,
You might roll your eyes at this,
But I'm so,
Glad that you exist.

---

So yes I feel nostalgic for that time when I was still figuring things out and making eye contact with someone could still give me butterflies and playing the game

But there is something in the contentment of coming home to the same person every day and having someone I can rely on and someone to look after and who looks after me. In coming home after a long day and having you cook me dinner. In not having to play the game anymore because I've won.
I've won the game that everyone is playing.
And you are a wonderful prize.

---

Sometimes it feels like I have everything I've ever worked for and sometimes it feels like I've failed at everything. Particularly when I break things. I hate breaking things. Maybe one day I will wake up and everything will feel ok but I think that day might be a while away. Do other people have those days? Or is it just always disappointment?

Do I blog more when I'm sad or am I just always sad?

---

And part of me is always terrified that we are going to wake up one day and realise we have grown too far apart and don't love each other any more.
Us, the fairytale couple.
The party pie and the sausage roll
The scientist and the engineer
The logician and the dreamer
The selfless and the selfish
The brain and the brawn
The yin and the yang

Us who compliment each other in every way.
Will stop being us.

And we will be left with nothing. Because all we have is each other, and all we want is each other and all we know is each other. And we will be stuck knowing and wanting and having nothing.

I don't want to be that empty.

Just close your eyes

Don't say it doesn't hurt when it does.
For, everyone who came before you let it hurt.
Everyone is allowed a bad day.
A bad week.
A bad life.
Let it hurt.
It's allowed to hurt.
Let yourself be angry.
Let yourself scream in pain.
Even the happiest people have sad days.

---

Hey, there's not a cloud in sight
It's as blue as your blue goodbye
And I thought that it would rain
The day you went away...

---

You do not want me to be hurt.
And I do not want to be hurt.
But you feel a phantom pain.
I am ok.
And you being hurt for me hurts me.
And... I think... you know that.
You know that you are hurting me above all.
And yet you persist.
I cannot fathom why...

---

Please allow me to introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
I've been around for a long, long year
Stole many a man's soul and faith

---

You have to let the world keep spinning.
And you say "But what is the point?
With every spin comes another birth, another death, another heartache.
Every spin brings another moment of pain, loss of trust, another parent burying a child.

And maybe we don't know the point.
But every other birth is just as deserving as our own.
Every heartache is as deserving as the first one we ever felt.
Every moment of pain is allowed as much as our lowest point.

So we don't stop the world, we let it spin.

---

Let me whisper in your ear
Say the words you long to hear
I'm in love with you.

---

Sometimes when I'm walking around by myself I think about you and I cry.
I can't even remember the things I miss about you.
I love you more than I ever told you.
More than I ever knew.
I love you so much it tears me apart that I can't have you.
I love you like photosynthesis loves light energy.
And I don't know how to continue to be without you.

I wanted to tell him that night that I couldn't remember properly,
but I didn't.
I thought it would hurt him.
I realise now that it wouldn't.
He's amazing.
And I'm the weirdo who cries in the middle of the street.
If I could just have you back.
Just for one day...
I miss your smile and your laugh and the way you said my name.
If I could have one more hug...

---
I waited too long
To tell you how much it matters
Just to be right here with you
But I couldn't think of anything better
I should have told you so

---

When I was so upset that you were never happy, I never realised how happy I was.
Now you're ecstatic with joy and fucking hell I miss you.
Because when you were sad, you came to me for cheering up.
And now you never come to me.
And I don't have time for you.
And I just want to curl up next to you and go back to how things used to be.
When you were sad.
And I wasn't such a selfish bitch.

---

Human beings considered collectively

Happy birthday Lito, it was wonderful meeting all your friends and family. Particularly Nene, who looks and acts so much like you it’s scary, was it hard to leave that all behind? The family you could rely on to always be there for you and help you through life. Was it hard to go out on your own and make a new life with no one there for you? I’m sure that what you did was best for your family and they’re so grateful, I’m so grateful, I wish you could see…

1. You tell everyone like it’s some colossal joke and maybe it was funny to start with but it’s not anymore, I don’t know what else to do, what else to be…
2. I’m sorry for getting too close to you and freaking you out and making you hate me. I do this practically everyday. It gets monotonous, even boring, but never stops hurting (like heartbreak).
3. I’m sorry for being too distant from you and freaking you out and making you hate me. I don’t know how to be close to you because I want you to be happy and everytime I fail to make you happy I hate myself so it’s easier to just not talk to you. Because I am a coward. And I’m sorry for that.
4. I’m sorry for never finding the time for you but I’m so busy and it’s not as easy as you think. I know I’m a constant disappointment to you and I have been all my life and nothing I ever do will change that.
5. You annoy me so much and I know you can tell but I annoy you too so everything works out in the end. Why can't all my relationships be as simple as you? Thanks for always being there, even when I don't want you. I love you more than life.

Go to bed.

Ok, so it's 12:30 at night and I'm blogging. And the person I feel like talking to now is in queensland, asleep, and I have to survive 19 days without seeing his pretty face or kissing his pretty mouth and that makes me sad. And I'm only 6 days in and I'm going completely mental and my brain isn't really functioning properly anymore and it's making homework quite difficult and in fact it's making life quite difficult.

So I've been sitting on my computer in a loneliness coma for a bit of tonight and most of yesterday when I was home alone, and I've been obsessed with Alex Day and Chester See. And, obviously, the brilliance of the Green brothers (I truly don't understand how so much brilliance can come from one family).



Here is a quote from John Green's book Will Grayson, Will Grayson:

When I was little, my Dad used to tell me "Will, you pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose". This seemed like a reasonably astute observation to me when I was eight, but it turns out to be incorrect on a few levels, to begin with you cannot possibly pick your friends or else I never would have ended up with Tiny Cooper.
Tiny Cooper is not the world's gayest person, and he is not the world's largest person. But I believe he may be the world's largest person who is really, really gay, and also the world's gayest person who is really really large. Tiny has been my best riend since 5th grade.

...to read the rest of that quote (I may be bored, but that doesn't stop me being too lazy to write out the whole thing) watch John Green's video here.

And whislt we're speaking of youtube brilliance, here are the lyrics to a lovesong by Hank Green that he wrote a few weeks ago, even though he never writes love songs, but he felt like it:


This song is for a girl
no wait I changed my mind
this song, is for an adult female

Is it just me or is it creepy
how often pet names
Refer to little children

And it's not just girl
and it's not just baby
it's also boy and I think it's where we get shawty

So this song is for the adult female I love
And if there's anything that she's been dreaming of
All she has to do is ask.
Yeah if she wants me to
I'll do whatever she asks me to do
as long as it isn't really evil
or otherwise makes me uncomfortable.
cause that's what love is, and I have it, for her.

This song is about love
But not what we think of as love
especially if we are Justin Bieber

Love is hard and love is messy
And it can hurt worse than fire
And sometimes it makes you want to tear down a
building with your bare hands

But it also happens to be
the best thing that's ever happened to me
And I'm obviously not a big fan of hyperbole.

So this song is for the adult female I love
And if there's anything she's been dreaming of
And if I can acquire it with the amount of money I have
without making myself destitute
then all she has to do is ask
And I'll be with her until the end of time
as long as time ends before one of us dies.
cause that's what love is, and I have it, for her.

How do you get up?

Let me start by saying sorry
I know I don't tell you how I feel
It takes enough to say 'I want you'
but that's not what you need
I care about you
but love's a much stronger word
and "I like you" really doesn't sum up
how much you're worth

---

Getting around to telling people, one by one. Each day a new face, a different hug, another piece of sympathy. Each day nothing changes. What do you want for Christmas? Oh I have a few ideas, none of which you can bring me

---

I will search forever
To find a way back
To tonight, where
It's just you and me and honestly
That's everything I need

---

I'm sorry for being a disappointment. I'm sorry for being insecure with myself. I wish I could be happy being me. But I'm not happy and I doubt I'll ever be happy. I wish I could make you as happy as you say I do. I wish I didn't disappoint you. How can I miss you already?

---

I think if I think too much I’ll think myself away from you
Thinking never does anyone good if it is all too soon
Memories are remedies to stop me wanting you too much
Memory’s my ecstasy to keep me craving you enough

---

I wish things didn't have to change. I like consistency and am always opposed to change. I won't even use Microsoft Office 2007. I feel like life is being overwhelming, but I can just ignore it for a while until it gets terrible, then I'll do something about it. Which is not good. And I haven't even started homework yet. It's so hard, this life thing, isn't it?

---

My eyes are failing me, everywhere I look I see you
I could bake a chocolate cake for you with tiers up to the moon
Could you show me how it’s done, like you showed me how to fall in love?

Choose

Carl Barron: You know sometimes you look at yourself in the mirror, and you look good. You're like "You'd better go out today, Carl, you're looking good, how do you stay single?" and other days you're just like "GET FUCKED"

Far out, story of my life, except I have more Get fucked days than How do I stay single? days. This also works in other aspects of my life. Some days my Dad tells me I'm the most generous person he knows and I feel like I should love myself because I'm a pretty cool cat, and other days my english teacher tells me I'm the most insensitive person she's ever met, and I wonder how I can let myself become quite this terrible.



I'm so sick of life always being a balancing act, and someone always being annoyed at me, and me always being annoyed at me. And sitting here, not being able to figure out how to do my homework because lately I've been having a social life and some sleep. Sometimes I wonder what all of this is working towards anyway, which makes me question the purpose of life, and we all know that that never ends well.




Me: Do you think I would like me more if other people liked me more?
Paul: Probably
Me: I wish people liked me more
Paul: I'll always think you're awesome

I think my problem is that not enough people like me and that I'm a disappointment to most of the people I know. Of course, that's a bit of a cop out, because I know it's my fault for upsetting other people, but I think other people liking me would definitely be good.



I feel very happy at the moment. Everything is going well. Which means I'm bracing myself for diappointing. Isn't it funny, the way life works? When you're sad you think you'll always be sad, and when you're happy, you become sad that the happiness can never last. When do we truly get to be happy? Maybe we live for the perfect moments, even if we know it can only get worse. Maybe that happiness, and that knowledge is what it's all about.



And though admittedly all these moments are just in my head
I'll be thinking about them as I'm lying in bed
And I know that admittedly they might not even come true
But in my mind I'm having a pretty good time with you



I don't think people realise all the crap that's going on with me at the moment because I'm pretending that it doesn't effect me, and I was doing a good job too, and then things changed. I don't know how I'm supposed to handle it, I don't know who I'm supposed to be. Sometimes life becomes so overly complicated that I just want to hide in a hole and read a book and go away from life. Because life is hard, and life hurts. And sadness can become so permanent, and happiness never does, and that pretty much sucks.



I got scars on my heart and they won't go away
Looking for someone to take them from me
Everybody knows I'm a little insane
Do you want me?

Things of relevance

Hmm, I haven't posted anything of relevance in a while :L
Shailin was telling me on Friday that she found my blog a while ago, and was amazed that I'm blogging, because everyone gave up on the blogspot craze ages ago (yeah, and moved on to facebook, wait, what?)

So yeah, I don't know what to say now :S



I think that's my problem, I need someone to live for. Or something equally stupid and pathetic...



Floating, falling, sweet intoxication!
Touch me, trust me savour each sensation!
Let the dream begin,
let your darker side give in
to the power of the music that I write -
the power of the music of the night .



I thought that maybe seeing your beauty again could make me forget how ugly the rest of the world is. I thought that the lack of your pulchritudinous smile was the reason I chose to hate people. I realise now that this smile had only heightened my hatred of people, mainly because wanting to see this smile so much has heightened my hatred of myself.



Oh well I look at you and say it's the happiest I have ever been
and I'll say "I feel I no longer have to be James Dean",
and She'll say,
"Oh yeah, Well I feel pretty happy too,
And I'm always pretty happy when I'm just kicking back with you".

and it will be
Love Love Love
All through our bodies
Love Love Love
All through our minds
and it'd be
Love love Love
All over her face



So I know we've sort of been avoiding each other lately, but you told me that if I ever needed a friend, you would always be there. So today I decided I would talk to you, and I'm glad I did, because you are quite nice and I miss you sometimes. One day, we should be friends :L



To give me all your love is all I ever asked,
Cause what you don't understand is
I’d catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, oh
I would go through all this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for ya baby ;
But you won't do the same

No, no, no, no
Black, black, black and blue beat me till I'm numb
Tell the devil I said “hey” when you get back to where you're from



I talk to you because you make me feel good about me
And that is mean and manipulative, and oh so very me
And I'm sorry.
You are such a lovely person
And I think I'm taking advantage of that?
I would love to get to know you better though
Thankyou for not trying to be something you're not

Terrible things

I tend to get sad, as it gets closer to night time. I think, maybe he was right? And at the time I thought it was silly, but, you do feel lonelier at night. And I know I shouldn't be lonely because I have all these wonderful people in my life, that care about me, and are there for me. But, I can't help but feel like I want to be the centre of someone's world.



I think I'm trying to remember the person that I used to be, before... everything. And that of course leads me back to you. It always leads me back to you. Every journey of self discovery has you at the end, and that doesn't even make sense, because I'm looking for me, not you. But I keep finding you.



I miss you. I miss talking to you. I wish it wasn't like this between us. I know we have our ups and downs but I hate when we have problems because of boys. I never want our friendship to be hurt because of them (because let's be honest, boys are silly anyway). I don't know what I've done, and I don't know how to make it right, but I will try.



I keep forgetting that you love her. And then you do something simple, like ask if I know why she's mad at you, and I start crying because you actually do love her. Sometimes, I wish that she would love you too, and then everything would be ok, and maybe you could be happy together. But she doesn't. Maybe she used to, but she doesn't anymore. Maybe she never will.



Today, as I was driving with my Dad, I heard that song, and I sung it really loudly all the way home. It makes me happy that a song can make me feel so close to you. I like feeling close to you. Sometimes, I feel a bit too close to you, and then I feel weird and awkward, but usually you say something vague that makes me realise I barely know you at all. But it's still nice.

Goodnight beautiful people in my life =)

None of these words are about you but some of them might apply

This is maybe the first blog I have ever written where I started with the title.
I usually add the title after I've finished the rest of the blog, and even after I've added the tags. Which is why the titles may not make sense for a lot of the time.

Anyways, getting back to today's title. It's taken from Eddplant's video "You're Not There - ORIGINAL FORM MY NEW EP!" Because at the end, when he's talking about his EP, he says "none of these songs are about you, but some of them might apply", which may be the most awesome collection of words claiming to be a sentence I've ever heard.
Also, check out that song (I don't link you places for no reason), people randomly appear, and join in with his song, on all their instruments, and it's just bloody cool. Two of his friends from the Sons of Admirals (Alex Day from the Internet and Tom "Bluer than blue, or is it Indigo?" Milsom) join him.

Speaking of the Sons of Admirals (as we always should be), I GOT MY SONS OF ADMIRALS TSHIRT ON MONDAY, which is so damn awesome that I may never take it off.
So yeah, the Sons of Admirals are trying to take to take over the world, as documented in Alex and Tom's videos, go and watch these and discover pure awesomeness.

Getting back to the title of my blog... which is words.
Beautiful, incredible, amazing words.
(With pretty picture, because, you know, the world is beautiful) (Yes Paul, despite my high expectations, and constant disappointment, I still believe the world is beautiful)



Enjoy your day!

Free falling

“You told me it'd be ok. But you were the one crying.

You told me to let go. But you were the one holding onto my shirt.”

"I love how you come over to me and start laughing and I start laughing too, and nothing's actually funny. But we both want an excuse to talk to each other. And maybe even an excuse to fall in love."



"Every atom of me misses you. Not a day goes by when you aren't etched in the regions of my mind. We're as different as can be. A realist, and an optimist. A goofy boy, and a serious young lady. An athlete of sorts, and a nerd. Someone who likes the Top 40, and someone who cringes at anything mainstream. Someone who is letting go, and someone who is holding on."

But sometimes it feels like we both let go, hoping we'd catch each other.
Now we're just free falling.



You know what I hate? Not telling you. Because I tell you everything. But now you know too much, and just when I was about to tell you I remembered that you know too much. And now I just want some pecan custard pie.

“You always believed what you saw. Until you learned to believe what you felt.

Do what you feel is right and you will always be doing the right thing."

The Lonely Monster.

Confession #52: I didn't want the crap to get to me. Maybe it didn't. Maybe there's still hope.

"The saddest kind of sad is the sad that tries not to be sad. You know, when sad tries to bite its lip and not cry and smile and say, “No, I’m happy for you”. That’s when it's really sad."

"Planning my existence with broken pen." - GreenBean91

((This is a compilation of lots of different blogs from my past. Enjoy.))

Today, I am infinite.

--

Tell me what to do, and I will do it. I will make it right I promise. Your wish is my command. Tell me how to fix everything. Tell me how to deal with it. STOP TELLING ME THAT YOU DON'T LIKE HOW THINGS ARE, AND TELL ME HOW YOU WANT THEM TO BE. Just talk to me. Stop upsetting me, stop making me cry. Stop telling me how upset you are. And tell me what to do about it.

--

Smiling fights the lonely monster.

--

Tell me your story, and I'll tell you mine.
We'll curlourselves up in a blanket
And sip our hot chocolate
And much on our tim tams
And we'll watch the stars
Wrapped in each others arms
Telling our stories.

--

Everyday is filled with daisies, if you look hard enough. Sometimes you have to stop looking at all the dirt, and focus on the flowers growing from them. You need to plant some seeds, too, if you want to see flowers. And sometimes they won't grow and you will have wasted all that time. And then sometimes they grow to be beautiful, and it is worth every second you put in.

--

I'm afraid time is going to pass so fast that I never get a chance to apreciate you and I know that eventually, it will be too late. And there's a looming feeling in me that eventually is coming sooner than I want it to. I know that I've let chances like this slip by me before, and that that should be some incentive not to let it happen again. But I also have a little part of me saying that it's too late, I've already lost you. There's nothing left for it...

--

Dammit. Sometime I feel like a royal idiot.
And I'm not really sure why.
I mean, I can't really think of something particularly stupid I've done lately.
I'm just so sad.
Most of the time it's because big things are so far out of my control and I want to help, or stop things from happening, or just create a smile, but I can't. Because I'm so insignificant.

--

To be brave is to love someone unconditionally,
without expecting anything in return.
To just give.
That takes courage,
because we don't want to fall on our faces
or leave ourselves open to hurt.

--

He tells her everyday that she is beautiful. Everyday. Sometimes she says "so are you", and sometimes she says "maybe I am", but she never really accepts it. It's so hard for her to see. He doesn't think he's beautiful either, and she tells him everyday too. But they make each other want to believe it. And that is something in itself.

--

I haven't seen butterflies in a while...
I remember seeing a lot of butterflies when I was little. Me and Nikki used to chase them around the back yard. Mum didn't like the white ones so we'd chase them. Everything seemed so colourful when I was little. All of my memories seem so colourful. Maybe, my mind has faded like a photograph.

--

I have so much to give you.

So much love, and heart, and soul.

So much caring.

Everything I have in me.

I am not an empty vessel.

I am brimming with passion and smiles and stories and pictures and romance.

I want to break it, everything inside of me,

into a million tiny pieces

and wrap them up

and give you one everyday

until you have all of them.

All of me.

--

I think you are beautiful and I wish you could see what I see when I look at you.

--

I want to be able to be me without being scared of what everyone else has to think.
I'm scared of getting too close to you, and not being me anymore. I want to keep me. I don't want to become the girl whose name is tagged onto yours. I want to be my own person. I need to be me.

--

But today has been one of those medicore days.

When you can pinpoint the times you've had fun, and smiled

But by the time you get home from school, you're crying.

--

I wrote our initials in led pencil at the train station on my way to work.

They may wash off, but they may stay there forever.

And no one but us will ever know they're there.

--

And she said I like sunsets and sci-fi movies. I will love you for you, and won't care about who people think you are.
I'll always be there for you, and I'll randomly hug you and tell you I love you.
All I ask, she said, is that you love me for me.

--

Sometimes all you can do is play a really loud song, and scream the lyrics at the top of your lungs. To grab someone's hand, and dance around the room, singing into your hairbrush. And when they walk away, you cry and cry. Because everything is not going to be okay. But tomorrow, you will wake up, and smile, and pretend. And everything will be a little closer to okay.

--

You see that sky? It shines just like you!

--

You know when it's been raining all day, and the sky has been grey. Everywhere you look are clouds, and dull, dreary, grey skies. And then the sun peeps out a little. And suddenly, everything lights up. The sky turns a pretty blue, the grass look greener. The world just shines a little. And you have this feeling that everything is going to be okay, everything will work out. And everything is beautiful. That's the feeling I get around you, you're my peep of sunshine.

--

And everyone tells me to slow down. But maybe I don't wanna slow down. Maybe I like doing things fast. Maybe, I just need someone to catch up, and run with me. Because walking isn't very fun. Not that running is fun. It's just... maybe I have somewhere to go. So whilst you all walk around aimlessly, I'm ready to run home.

--

And I am a pain in the ass a great amount of the time, and sometimes I can tell I'm being a pain in the ass, and I keep on being one, but you put up with it, and you're there for me, always. I guess "thank you" doesn't really sum it up properly, but I don't know what else I could say.

--

Nothing's ever going to be perfect.

Your mind and your heart will never agree on everything.

You will never be certain if it is the right thing to do.

Do It Anyway!

Because life is too short to question everything.

Live it.

Confession #36: I've been waiting till today to cut my nails because my horoscope says if I cut them today I won't lose my vitality.

"You have the responsibility to not remain silent."

"Sometimes I lie without thinking first." – imissyoudearly



Welcome to tomorrow. The day where all your past mistakes are forgiven and your entire future is uncertain. You don't have to be the same person you were yesterday, you didn't really like them that much anyway. Today you get to be whoever you want to be. And you get to make some new mistakes. Mistakes that won't matter tomorrow.

Honey why you calling me so late?
It's kinda hard to talk right now.
Honey why are you crying? Is everything okay?

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

Sometimes, all you need, is someone to look you in the eye, and tell you you did the right thing. Someone to clap their hands, and tell you that they appreciated the effort they gave. So give too many compliments, but critise the parts of yourself you don't like. Strive, everyday to be a better you. To be the best you. Be who you want to be. Forget what everyone else wants. Live for you.

"You see this O'Malley? I make one mistake with this scalpel and this man's dead. My husband, he makes mistakes at his job all the time. As far as I know he's never killed anyone but I have. And YOU WILL. And Alex did. He made a math mistake and a man died for it. Run that past your accountant - see how he'd feel if every mistake he made, someone ended up dead. You don't have to like Alex, you don't have to care about him, but you damn well have to be on his side."

Tell someone you love them. Tell someone you miss them. Tell someone you can't stand the way they treat you. Leave someone. Find someone new. Stop putting up with crap, and demand better. Every day. Every day is allowed to be the best day. Today is the best day of your life. You just have to believe it.

After all of that, the part I hate most is that you told her first, instead of me.

Confession #11: I was not okay.

“Gravity doesn't exist. The Universe simply sucks.”

Someone is always better than you. – soulcages

I get it now.
Jealousy.
At least, I think that's what this it.
I mean, I'm no expert on the matter.
I just always thought it was an emotional pain.
But that's not true.
It's a physical pain.
It's where all of your joints lock up, and just laying down puts you in an unbelievable agony.
You can't feel your knees because of the pain running through each of them.
It's where your stomach feels like there are little bugs inside.
Slowly, eating away at everything inside.
Everything you have left.
And you feel empty.
It's where your back feels like it's been set on fire.
It's the pain that makes you lie awake at night, in your bed. Because sitting stil hurts.
So you sit up, and you rush through the thousand things you wish you could say.
Things that would make them understand how you feel.
And after a while, the pain stops.
Until you lay back down.
And allow it to consume you again.
Allow it to tear you apart from the seems again.


At least; I think that's jealousy.

Either that or I should really see a doctor.

Spread the joy

Confession #3: I'm not sure if I'm more scared that I am or am not ready

“The greatest feeling in the world

is to be around someone

who wants to hold you,

kiss your forehead,

be around you,

call you at night,

and see you smile

But I think what’s better than that,

is finding someone who does it all,

because he wants to see you happy.”

"Woke up just to see you" - WhatTheWorldDoesn'tKnow

I always say yes. That's why we've planned our wedding.

All I need now is a ring. =P

Oh, and such a tyranny it is, too.

Conscious thought is so restraining, it means things have to add up and make sense.

Sometimes, I don't want things in my head to make sense.

That's when I listen to music.

And that's why I've picked our perfect lullaby

Hehe, your eyes are beautiful darling.

They shine so beautifully in sunlight.

And they change colour in different lighting.

And they have a little shimmer in them, when you're really happy.

Like, when you smile your happy smile.

With your fang over your mouth =p

I consider myself a positive person. I mean, I'm generally pretty sunshiney. I spread joy where I can. And I believe that I smile to a stranger can spread through the world. If you walk past me on the street, I will wave.

If I serve you at work, we'll be best friends in under 30 seconds. And gradually, I'm going to make the world happier. Starting with me. =)

Yes, I love rainy days. I love rainy nights too.

Sleeping to rain is the most peaceful experience ever.

Hearing the pitter patter of rain against my window makes me happy.

Blackouts are good too. Because they mean candles.

I'm a big candle lover.

Candles make me feel safe. =)

Wish you were here,

Even for me.

Confession #43: Okay, I admit it. I am PMSing. =S

"And although we adore men individually, we agree that as a group they’re rather stupid."

"Screw eloquence. Awkward moments radiate beauty." – theliterarybulimic

I am so sick of these bloody moodswings.
I keep changing for happy to bitchy to hormonal to depressed to self concious, all in a number of minutes.
AND IT IS PISSING ME OFF!



Sometimes life is just sad.
And sometimes you work so hard for something, and in the end, you don't even get what you want. And it's not just something you want, it's something you need. Something you're gonna learn to live without. And maybe that's what growing up is all about. Learning to live without the things that you need.



Everyday is filled with daisies, if you look hard enough. Sometimes you have to stop looking at all the dirty, and focus on the flowers growing from them. You need to plant some seeds, too, if you want to see flowers. And sometimes they won't grow and you will have wasted all that time. And then sometimes they grow to be beautiful, and it is worth every second you put in.



Yeah, actually, I do complain a lot. I'm ungrateful and whiney, and basically not worth it. But when we complain together, now that's something beautiful. All of you is beautiful. I love complaining about things with you because they don't suck anymore. You make everything stop sucking. You make everything beautiful. You made my bad day amazing. You are amazing.



I'm afraid time is going to pass so fast that I never get a chance to apreciate you and I know that eventually, it will be too late. And there's a looming feeling in me that eventually is coming sooner than I want it to. I know that I've let chances like this slip by me before, and that that should be some incentive not to let it happen again. But I also have a little part of me saying that it's too late, I've already lost you. There's nothing left for it...



And I think I'm slowly becoming that person I swore I never would.
The one who doesn't really give a damn about anyone other than herself.
Even the selfless things I do, I do them for selfish reasons.
And I hate who I'm becoming.
And I promised myself I'd change.
And I thought I was doing so well at that.
But turns out... I'm not.



Now imagine feeling all of those emotions in 30 seconds.
STUPID CRAPPY DAY!!!!!!
=S

ps: i love you

You could say

one - i feel... small. that's how you make me feel. small. it's sort of a nice small, but, i don't really like feeling small.
TWO - I'M SORRY FOR OVERREACTING. I GUESS, I DIDN'T REALLY UNDERSTAND IT FROM YOUR PERSPECTIVE.
three - i swear, i'm trying. and i'm really sorry that i keep changing my mind and messing with your head, but i don't know how i feel.
four - i don't really know what happened with us. it feels like you don't like spending time with me anymore. i don't... understand.

Mum cut my hair today and now I look like Alice Cullen.
My computer just lost my sims (seriously, they walked out of the block, and never came back), and I've lost an hour of playing with them. =(
There were about 4 chemicals on my hair today and I think it addled with my brain.
After eating healthy for about 3 days, I sat down next to oreos, squiggle biscuits and zappos, and now feel like a fat lump again.
My health assignment was going well, so I took a break. That was 7 hours ago.

I guess you could say it has been one of those days...

Anyways, I've got to go make myself a pizza now, and maybe get around to that assignment...
Wish you were here,

Life by numbers

#64694

I'm not perfect but I'm happy

I know I have my flaws

Yeah, I have a lot of them

But my imperfections are what makes me who I am

I may be loud, I may talk to much

and I may tell you to smile when you're just not in the mood

But I'm happy

So maybe you should try being unperfect too

Unperfect and smiling.

#51972

This girl forgotten was finally remembered

She's the girl everyone stopped caring about

At some point in time, she just ceased to matter

And it hurt her so much

Everyone, everyone she had trusted

They turned around and walked away

She didn't matter!

And then, one day, some one remembered her

And it was okay now

She had been remembered

#40497

Everything changes. Everything remains the same.

I'm scared of change.

And yes, some changes are good.

Some changes are encouraged.

Some changes actually help.

And then some changes. Just don't.

What if things change and they get worse?

Are we supposed to just accept it?

Do we look for reasons?

Do others thing get better for it?

#41443

Deteriorating differences between right and wrong

Everything changed for them

All of the lines blurred

Suddenlyit was okay to defy gravity

To go against everything they stood for

These people were infinite

They weren't bound by the same rules as everyone else

They didn't need to listen

There was nothing left between right and wrong.

#49286

Wishing I wasn't quite so manipulative

What would happen, if I left everything alone

If I let everyone do what they wanted to

If I stopped getting involved

If I stopped figuring everything out for everyone

If I stopped puppeting my world

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad

Letting people make their own decisions

Instead of deciding everything myself

#51967

She only has faith in love

And she's tried everything

She used to talk to God every night

She'd stay up late at nights and pray

She's been through all the religions she knows

And then she fell in love

She doesn't need anyone to talk to

And she doesn't have anything to ask for.

Because he's there, and that's all that matters.

#51959

Losing control. Learning to let go

So I'm going to let go of everything I don't want

I'm going to let go of my hold

Over everyone and everything in my life

Of everything I don't want

I'm going to let it all go

I'm going to lose control of it all

And it's going to be okay

#56324

She has stretchmarks on her dreams

Someone who always has to change for other people

Often finds that she must compromise herself

Her dreams must stretch

They must make room for others

And that's okay

It is her decision

But one day, she'll make her own dreams come true

#53894

The girl who plays with fire

That's me.

I'm the girl who never lets fear govern who am I

I play with things I shouldn't

I meddle with fate

I get involved in things that need to be left alone

And there's always some consequences

But some of them are good

So I'll keep playing with fire

#58766

I'm a hugger. Everyone hates it.

Oh yeah, that's me.

I'm the one you never want to be stuck next to

Who will hug you at every opportuniy

I'm the one who misses you when I don't get to touch you

Who likes being close to people.

And yeah, everyone hates it

But that's just me

#60646

Everything about him is perfectly beautiful.

He always knew what to say

And it was always the sweetest thing

Sometimes, she would be startled by what he said

Expecting him to say the perfect cliche

And then he'd say something better

But she got used to it

Him being perfect

And she could never give it up

#63427

Please love me despite my past

We all have a few skeletons in our closet

And sure, maybe mine are a little scarier than others

And maybe I need some help with them

And yes! That is intimidating!

But I don't ask for much

Some people have a lot to deal with

I just have some bumps on my road, that's all

Love me anyway?

Just a girl

This is one of the best songs I've ever heard, in terms of being able to relate to it. Most girl will read it and be like "Yeah, that's me"
I heard it when I was listening to one of my old playlists, stuck between Another Now and This Is Me You're Talking To.
Anyways, great lyrics, have a read =)


I might be a little concerned with my hair
I might need comfort, more than my share
I might seem to follow fashion, but claim that I don't care
My heart is your best friend, when it rules my head

I might want to talk alot, but don't ask me why
And I'll get impatient if you don't reply
I might always search for something wrong I want you to deny
And if you love me just stay close, and hold me when i cry

Don't try to understand me, I'm just a girl
One of the greatest mysteries, you'll find in this world
I'm not hard to handle, I'm just a girl
I'm just a girl

I don't seek money, but I want your time
Cos I'd give my life for you, when you are mine
And it hurts me more than I can say when you pull away
But if you love me, you should tell me everyday

Don't try to understand me, I'm just a girl
One of the greatest mysteries, you'll find in this world
I'm not hard to handle, I'm just a girl

I'm just a girl (x4)

You might think I'm too demanding
But you're just not understanding, no

I might like to take advice, but go my own way
And it's when I hurt the most, I swear I'm okay
And it's always when you least expect, I say I want to stay
It might take just a single kiss to steal my heart away.

Don't try to understand me, I'm just a girl
One of the greatest mysteries, you'll find in this world
You think I'm an x file, I'm just a girl
I'm just a girl

Don't try to understand me, I'm just a girl
One of the greatest mysteries, you'll find in this world
I'm not hard to handle, I'm just a girl

I'm just a girl (x5)

Happy First Birthday

Hello sunshines,
It's me again.
Bored.
Again.
Dont' really have much to say.

Today is my blog's frist birthday. YAY!! *waves balloon around*
I find it very awesome that I've kept it for that long.
I mean, such dedication!
And it's been so much fun too, this whole blogging thing.

You know, I started it on Lisa's birthday. Isn't that interesting?
And I didn't even mention it was her birthday. Isn't that mean?
But yeah, IT'S LISA'S BIRTHDAY TODAY!!!
(That made up for it)
And it's Hunaiza's birthday too!
But she os only 15.
And Lisa is 16!!

Speaking of birthdays, tomorrow, Noha turns 15. *Pinches cheeks*
Anyways, that is that.

I am seriously soooo bored. I have been playing solitaire.
I went smithteening, but no one's really on.
No one's on MSN either.
Wow, I am really pathetic.
I guess I should go now...

Wish you were here =)