Welcome to Square one.

Hello sunshines,

I need help. Not mental help. (Don't argue that, I'm NOT a weirdo)
I need YOUR help choosing my favouritistymo memoir.
Because I want to make a sorta video about it. A video promoting our book. Our book that is coming out on September 1st (!!).
Anyways. Yes. Favourite Memoir. I have a shortlist!

And here it is:

Deteriorating differences between right and wrong.
My hand has holes for yours.
Smiling at random people without reason.
Finding my place, my voice, myself.
You're my angel with broken wings.
Flying away on their whispered words.
I smiled, and was finally beautiful.

Genuine smiles in an artificial world.
Square one is getting awfully familiar.
Put away your umbrella and dance.
Lost teddy. Now I hug air.
You are everything. Everything is you.
I've never seen you without wings.
Planted hope. Forgot to water it.
If beauty is time, you're eternity.
Permanent smile from thinking of him.
Never wanted to be "normal" anyway...
Who says 'fat' can't be beautiful?
Resolution: Smile everyday for no reason.
In my dreams we dance together.
Rewriting my life. Including fairytale ending.
He saw something nobody else did.
Girl overlooked got her fairytale ending.
Sometimes, life sucks. I'll smile anyway.
Following my heart. Ignoring the rules.
You're dying. I'm not ready yet.
I see beauty in everything ugly.
I can be my own superhero.

Please write me a shortlist of your favourite 5-10. I will put all my little lists together to pick my fave :L
The current faves are: Planted hope. Forgot to water it. and I can be my own superhero.


HELP ME! HELP ME!
Thankyou sunshines.

Full time friend

Always better with writing than speaking - coulda.been.a.comet

If every text message I sent made you happy, I would spend every last cent of my money on credit, and text you every night and day. If every song I sang made you smile, I'd call you in the middle of the night and sing to you.

But I don't know how to make you happy. I don't how to make you look in the mirror and believe that you're beautiful. I don't know how to make you love that person you see looking back at you.

But I love them. With every last piece of me I love that person, and I'm trying to make you love them too. You didn't know why I loved you, so I wrote you a list. You didn't feel beautiful, so I told you everyday.

I guess I've gotten to the point where, I don't know what more I can do.



I watched Juno last night. This song is awesome =)
And and, it reminds me of you...


You're a part time lover and a full time friend
The monkey on you're back is the latest trend
I don't see what anyone can see,
In anyone else but you

I kiss you on the brain in the shadow of a train
I kiss you all starry eyed, my body's swinging from side to side
I don't see what anyone can see,
In anyone else but you

Here is the church and here is the steeple
We sure are cute for two ugly people
I don't see what anyone can see,
In anyone else but you

The pebbles forgive me, the trees forgive me
So why can't, you forgive me?
I don't see what anyone can see,
In anyone else but you

I will find my nitch in your car
With my mp3 DVD rumple-packed guitar
I don't see what anyone can see,
In anyone else but you

Du du du du du du dudu
Du du du du du du dudu
Du du du du du du dudu du

Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, start
Just because we use cheats doesn't mean we're not smart
I don't see what anyone can see,
In anyone else but you

You are always trying to keep it real
I'm in love with how you feel
I don't see what anyone can see,
In anyone else but you

We both have shiny happy fits of rage
You want more fans, I want more stage
I don't see what anyone can see
In anyone else but you

Don Quixote was a steel driving man.
My name is Adam I'm your biggest fan
I don't see what anyone can see,
In anyone else but you

Squinched up your face and did a dance
You shook a little turd out of the bottom of your pants
I don't see what anyone can see,
In anyone else but you

Du du du du du du dudu
Du du du du du du dudu
Du du du du du du dudu du
But you

Givoogle

Today, I hate spent a great number of hours on GMH, and have even made an account. This website is totally making my day.
But I want to draw your attention to a new website that people probably don't know about. This website is Givoogle. (Get it? Give/Google)

Here's how it works:
It is the same search engine as normal google. But it has a banner down the bottom with an ad on it. Advertisers pay money for every 1000 people who see this ad. The money is donated to the American Cancer Society.

Basically, just by using Google, you're giving money to charity. Yes, homework is actually useful!!

Anyways, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE set this to you homepage. It is a teensy tiny bit slower than normal Google, but other than that, is exactly the same. Just by having it as your homepage, you view it everytime you open Internet explorer.

Be nice guys, MAKE IT YOUR HOMEPAGE! And tell other people to as well. As use awesome means of communication like blogging and stuff to tell other people to do it as well.

I know we're not actually americn, so giving money to the American Cancer Society isn't all that helpful. But you're using Google anyway, so you may as well.

A Better Place

This is my 250th post.
But I really don't care :L
Because I have a really bad headache, and the world is spinning a little, and I can't stop coughing. And I just generally feel like crap.

So! I'm going to tell you about a dream I had last night (without mentioning names)

-----

He forgot. I guess he's getting old, and isn't so good with dates anymore, and maybe it hurt too much to remember that date. He forgot, as he forgets every year. But that's not what was important. The important bit was that you were there. You who I haven't dreamed about in about 3 years now. Because you're not there to dream about. It was as if we went back in time, which no one seemed to notice except me; "they just stuffed up" was all I got. I never learnt what we threw into the ocean long, long ago.
But you were there.
In all your beauty, and kindness. Your willingness to care, to learn, and to care and learn for me. Your willingness to love me. Which I don't remember all that much. In fact, I don't remember what you look like anymore. The day that your face disappeared from my mind I cried for hours on end. Last night, your face came back. But more than that, you came back. Because you never left, they just stuffed up. Did you get that? You never left. You never left me, or my world. You stuck around. They just stuffed up.
I was so excited, I resolved to tell everyone here on my blog (yes, I dream about my blog), I resolved to post your song, one last time. I resolved to make the most of having you back. For all of the fuzzy consciousness that my dreams usually are, last night it was crystal clear. I was going to make the most of having you back in my life.

-----

I don't have you back, they didn't stuff up, I'll never have you back, and I will never be able to make the most of having you in my life. You will never be in my life. Never, ever again.

-----

But here is your song, the song I can never bring myself to sing. The song that was always about you. I'm sorry I never loved you enough, I miss you.

Sha la la la la, sha la la la la

You used to call me your angel
Said I was sent straight down from heaven
You'd hold me close in you arms
I loved the way you felt so strong
I never wanted you to leave
I wanted you to stay here holding me

I miss you
I miss your smile
And I still shed a tear
Every once in a while
And even though it's different now
You're still here somehow
My heart won't let you go
And I need you to know
I miss you, sha la la la la
I miss you

You used to call me your dreamer
And now I'm living out my dream
Oh how I wish you could see
Everything that's happening for me
I'm thinking back on the past
It's true that time is flying by too fast

I miss you
I miss your smile
And I stilll shed a tear
Every once in a while
And even thought it's different now
You're still here somehow
My heart won't let you go
And I need you to know
I miss you, sha la la la la
I miss you

I know you're in a better place, yeah
But I wish that I could see your face, oh
I know you're where you need to be
Even though it's not here with me

I miss you
I miss you smile
And I still shed a tear
Every once in a while
And even though it's different now
You're still here somehow
My heart won't let you go
And I need you to know
I miss you, sha la la la la
I miss you

I miss you.

Whenever you smile.

Because I'm a little insane (little! little!) I'm randomly picture blogging again.
My page is going to look mui pretty after this.
But I didn't write any of it :L
A page full of other peoples' pretty thoughts...

Love isn't supposed to be about a moment
Where you looked into a boy's eyes
& felt the world spin from beneath your feet;
it's when you saw in his soul
all the thing that were missing in yours.

I wake up wanting to see you face
I go to sleep wanting you to be there
To sing to me, or hold me throughout the night
I hate fridays and weekends because of you
And I can't get to sleep on sunday nights...

I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems that I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes, and you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light

'Cause when there's you, I feel whole
And there's no better feeling in the world
But without you I'm alone

And I'll be waiting by the window for your smile to come through
and I'll be waiting in the darkness when I call out to you
and I'll remember when you told me
I could trust in you

I believe I can
I believe I will
I believe I know my dreams are real
I believe I'll stand
I believe I'll dance
I believe I'll grow real soon and
That is what I do believe

This is love, isn't it?
When you notice someone's absence, and hate that absence more than anything?
More, even, than you love his presence?

Took my hand, touched my heart
Held me close you were always there
By my side night and day
Through it all baby come what may

We both know we'll grow old from here
Cause together we're strong
In my arms, that's where you belong

I've been touched by the hands of an angel
I've been blessed by the power of love
And whenever you smile
I can hardly believe that you're mine

So... yeah. Most of this is song lyrics today, because most of my thoughts are also in songs, which is kinda cool. Anyways, smile, and steal all my pictures and quotes if they mean something to you. I'll be really glad if they do.

P.S: I need you to know that I thought about you a lot today. I sung about you a lot too, and I think at one stage I started crying. I wish I could talk to you again, I miss you so much. I know I never really cared about you that much, and I feel guilty for that, but I need more time. I can't deal without you. I've only recently realised what you meant to me, and I need you back. Just for a little bit, just one smile. Just one hug. I never got to say goodbye.

My footprints are permanent.

Hello, yes, I've gone crazy again.

I think maybe I'm bored.

I mean, you know you're sad when you're online for hours before someone talks to you. You know you're even sadder when that someone is AB. (no offence ;))

So I've gone Inspiration Searching again. Here is today's loot.

(Note the pretty pictures =D)

Don't question why she needs to be so free
She'll tell you it's the only way to be
She just can't be chained
To a life where nothing's gained
And nothing's lost

the sun broke open the sky,
flooding the horizon
with light
and I felt it promise me
that something new
and beautiful was to come.

We are all in the gutter but some of us are looking at the stars

His heart will stop at the sight of you, or he doesn't deserve to live.
and yes, i am aware of the contradiction embodied in that sentence.

I realized that none of my great days in life matter without you.
You're the one I want next to me when my dreams come true.
You're the one I want next to me if they don't.
As long as I have you, nothing else matters.

there's people meeting on mars, and people crashing their cars, and kids kissing under the stars tonight, there's no reason to cry.

there's something i can't quite explain, i'm so in love with you.
you'll never take that away. and if i've said it a hundred times,
expect it a thousand more. you'll never take that away. so
expect me to be calling you to see, if you're okay when i'm
not around, asking if you love me. i love the way you make
it sound.calling you to see, do i try to hard to make you smile?
To make us smile. I will keep calling you to see if you're sleeping,
are you dreaming. if you're dreaming, are you dreaming of me
I can't believe you actually picked me

What if this is my finest moment? What if I will never be this happy again? What if this is as good as it gets??
What if... I'm okay with that?

And she said I like sunsets and sci-fi movies. I will love you for you, and won't care about who people think you are.
I'll always be there for you, and I'll randomly hug you and tell you I love you.
All I ask, she said, is that you love me for me.

Yes.

She's mad at herself. Because she's never been able to tell you how much you mean.
You're beautiful she says, I love you.
But what she feels for you is so much stronger that that.
How can she let you know?

Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules, and they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them; disagree with them; glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do.

I want people to feel an immediate happiness and cheerfulness when they are around me. To make a difference in someone's life. I want to make an impression in someone's life, so that even though I may be delicate and fragile, my footprints are permanent within the hearts of the ones I've touched.

So be sure when you step,

Step with care and great tact.

And remember that life's a great balancing act.

And will you succeed?

Yes, you will, indeed.

Kid, you'll move mountains.

Which is why I'm going to stop now. And leave. Because I no longer feel bad about being a bad blogger :L. Besides, I totally said clever stuff here... right?? Anyways, the day awaits, goodbye everyone!

PS: Thanks for knowing me well enough to ask, and not assume.

When it falls.

I spent a great deal of today surfing the web for Things That Inspire Me. I thought that maybe you guys would like to be inspired too, since I've been so lazy with blogging lately. So here is a collection of inspiration I found.

Sometimes all you can do is play a really loud song, and scream the lyrics at the top of your lungs. To grab someone's hand, and dance around the room, singing into your hairbrush. And when they walk away, you cry and cry. Because everything is not going to be okay. But tomorrow, you will wake up, and smile, and pretend. And everything will be a little closer to okay

I will be okay without you. I am strong enough to get over you. Sure, it may take weeks, it may take months, but I will be fine. I will love again. Because you meant a lot to me, but you let me go. Now you get to see me walk away.

You have your little quirks, things you do or say that make me smile, and realise how wonderful you are. As much as I love them, I hate them too. When you break my heart, these are the things that will destroy me.

As long as you're there,

I'm going to be okay.

As long as you're with me,

I'm going to be able to breathe, to smile, to laugh.

And, I may not know it yet,

but at the end of the day,

you're the one I'm forever going to want.

In between the moon and you,

the angels get a better view

of the crumbling difference

between wrong and right.

Human beings are funny. They long to be with the person they love, but refuse to admit openly. Some are afraid to show even the slightest sign of affection because of fear. Fear that their feelings may not be recognised, or even worse, returned. But one thing about human beings puzzles me the most is their conscious effort to be connected with the object of their affection even if it kills them slowly within.

We're all hiding behind something.

Sometimes it's a disguise,

sometimes its a trait,

sometimes we're hiding behind the person that others wish we were.

And maybe we look pretty with our little masks on,

but maybe if we took them off we would be beautiful.

I know it took me a while to teach you the rules, and there were a lot. They involved giving me chocolate, letting me win, and interpreting the difference between "hi" and "hi!" But you learnt them. You learnt them all for me. Part of me wonders why you spent all that time learning, if you were just going to leave me. Part of me knew all along.

You see that sky? It shines just like you!

I dream about you every night. I've spent a lot more time with you in my mind than I have in real life. And that's difficult. But I know the you in my head so well, that sometimes I'm scared you two will do something different. And I'll realise I'm in love with someone who isn't you. But I'm not even having this conversation with you. I'm having it with the you in my mind.

Let's lie in the grass, and make pictures with the clouds.

And when the clouds disappear, we'll count the stars together.

And at the end of the day, our arms will be numb,

and we'll be sore, and have grass all over our clothes.

We'll smell a little bit like each other, though,

and that will make it all worth it.

That, and the goodnight kiss.

Maybe it's not about the happy ending.

Maybe it's about what you do with your time before you get to the end.

Life is like an hourglass.

Sooner or later, everything hits the bottom.

You just gotta be patient and wait for someone to turn it around.

I must be a pretty good liar.

For you to think

That everything is okay

And it seems like a loss somehow

My heart got lost on the way to my head

And my brain celss are dead

And the craziness shows

Now I start to go when the green turns to red

And I should be dead

Thankyou guys for reading my insanity. It sounds strange, but writing all this, and putting myself into other people's positions helps me think. And it lets me work out how I feel. I don't ever really feel anything for myself. I just copy everyone else. When you are sad, I am. When you have a bad day, I have one. When you get angry, I do. Now that I've been everyone else, I can be me again, too.

Rosa/Amy's survey

Heyyy babycakes, you got a name?
Hi, I'm Ebony, and I am cool.

haha kidding! anyways..ever choked on a peanut?
Uhh, probably

What do you think about Kristen Stewart's role in Twilight?
She can't act. What a letdown.

Who was the last person to say 'I love you' to you?
My mummy =)

Got a song stuck in your head?
always

I thought so, what song is it?
us against the world - westlife.

Are you tired of everyone saying 'That's what she said.'?
no, i think it's hilarious. even my parents say it =S. but i sitll laugh.

Are you interested in anyone?
of course

Is anyone interested in you??
lol, i believe so

Do you have a youtube account?
no =( i am lame.

If so, who is someone your subscribed to?
repeat: i am lame

Who was the last person to text you?
my last 4 messages are optus. but before that, my mum. repeat: i am lame.

Are you an only child?
no

Can you sing?
i try

Are you a good liar?
depends what i'm lying about. usually yes, unless i want them to know im lying.

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
as much wood as a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood

Say a random song lyric.
(8) it's the way she's always smiling, that makes me think she never cries. i feel like i'm losing my defences to the colour of her eyes. and every little piece of her is right... everytime we meet, the picture is complete, everytime we touch, the feeling is too much. she's all i ever need to fall in love again.

ok, ill stop now. i really like that song though. actually read it please!

Do you talk too much?
usually

Do you sometimes say what your thinking and not realize it?
:L yeah

What are you wearing?
pjs

Quick! Get up and run around the room!
lol. you wish.

Do you wear skinny jeans?
only my green ones. cuz they're green.

Are you currently drinking anything?
no

What did you do last night?
i had subway (be jealous) and there i saw someone from my primary who recognised me, but i didnt recognise her :L. but i did when she told me who she was. and went to my grandpas to watch the footy, and chatted to my aunties about random stuff. and then my mum joined. so it was me, nikki, mum, and 2 aunties. it was sooo fun. realisation: "god is obviously a man"

Who are your three favorite people to text?
i don't text people. repeat: i am lame. HOWEVER Attention all people that are also lame, I will text you as much as you like until July 1, cuz I have $50 credit I have to use by then or else I lose it. If you want to feel unlame, let me know!!

What's your favorite pick-up line?
lol, agree with rosa
"Did you know the distance from my elbow to my wrist is the same as from your shoulder to shoulder"

What's the WORST pick-up line you've ever heard?
"you're beautiful, i'm ugly, let's have average children" stolen from ms campbell :L

Has anyone hit on you in the past two weeks?
=S yes.

Are you wearing any jewelry?
no. is that how you spell it? that looks wrong.

Do you have any stalkers?
YES!! my smithteens stalker!! thankyou smithteens stalker!!!

Have you met Brooke or Mollie?
well, no

They're awesome :)
not as awesome as me.

Have you ever held a pig?
lol, yes.

Do you enjoy amusement parks?
no, i hate rides, they make me dizzy.

What is your least favorite ride at any amusement park?
all of them. except ferris wheels. and the rides where you throw balls in clowns mouths, and win stuffed toys, i like those.

Are you going muddin' anytime soon?
well, only if you are

I am :) me and Mollie are goin this summer! :)
i hope you have fun

Are you redneck?
you know that's a song? and no.

Do you have a little sister?
no

Is your best friend a guy?
define best friend.

Do you hate anyone?
boarders, collectively. apart from that, not really.

Do you like baseball?
i am not american.

Do people ever listen to you?
rarely

Have you ever fallen off a horse?
no, ive never ridden a horse

Do you like riding four-wheelers?
i think this means car, in which case, suure.

Do you like the band Hey Monday?
i don't know them

How 'bout Paramore?
yes, but they went bad when they did the twilight soundtrack

Have you ever been in the back on a Police car?
no

Do you like the Jonas Brothers?
i'm not sure. usually i follow my sister's musical taste (shocking, i know) and she likes them, so i guess i do.

Are you going to see their new 3D concert?
no

Do you like Nascar?
uhmm, no?

Worth every single mistake.

Hello, and welcome to June 18.
Otherwise known as Day 62. If you're weird...
I am blogging because:
a. I've been lazy lately.
b. My last blog didn't count.
c. Today is June 18.
d. I'm bored
e. I may have stuff to say.
Clearly, that's a lot of reasons.
Also, if you read this entire post, every single word, you will understand the title :L. That's right, you read it!

"Life is like a box of crayons. Most people are the 8-colour boxes, but what you're really looking for are the 64-colour boxes, with the sharpeners on the back. I fancy myself a 64-colour box, though I've got a few missing. It's ok though, because I've got some more vibrant colours like periwinkle at my disposal. I have a problem though in that I can only meet the 8-colour boxes. Does anyone else have that problem? I mean there are so many different colours of like, of feeling, or articulation.. so when I meet someone who's an 8-colour type, I'm like "hey girl, magenta!" and she's like, "oh, you mean purple!" and goes off on her purple thing, and I'm like, "No - I want magenta!""
- John Mayer.

I am a gust of wind. That swooshing feeling that makes you feel all cold, and run for shelter. The one that everyone wants to get away from, and they're glad when it's gone. The loud, gushing wind that numbs your fingers and itches at your eyeballs.
I don't want to be a gust.
I used to want to be a whirlwind. You know, one of those winds that fly in and everything changes in relation to them, and when they leave, everything is noticeably different.
I've changed my mind.
I want to be a zephyr. That slight breeze that you can barely feel, in fact, sometimes you don't notice it's there. But if you look for it, you will find it, and it will always be there. Gently cooling and heating, adding that little bit to your day.
I know I'll never be a zephyr. I think I was made to be a gust. But I'd like to be a zephyr, it would be nice to be a zephyr.

I knew before I told you. I knew before I told any of them. I knew before I told myself. I knew because when I closed my eyes, I saw it. I knew because that night changed my life. Actually, I knew because it didn't. And I didn't tell them about that either. Because I can't believe that I am really that person. But I knew. Oh yeah, I knew.

I am a very strong believer in the fact that everything in life can be explained by a happysad cartoon. Or a memoir. Or an episode of NCIS/Gilmore Girls. In fact, life can be explained relatively easily. I don't know why people tell me that life is complicated. People are complicated, life is simple. Sometimes it sucks, sometimes there's nothing you can do, sometimes you can't make your own choices, but it's always simple. If our drama play has taught me anything, it's that little decisions make a difference, and maybe that changes everything. But maybe we make bigger decision that are more important. And that's all that matters.

He calmed me down. That's amazing - crippled soul
I've used that memoir on here before, but I meant it in another way. I just want to bring your attention to the fact that HE CALMED ME DOWN. Because, for me, being calm is a very rare occurance, but he did it!
Usually, when I get that way, it takes about 24 hours for me to snap out of it, and be okay. Either that or a nervous breakdown. Neither are very nice. Obviously.
Instead, he took my 24 hours and made them perfect. I don't know how, and I don't know why, I just know that that's amazing. He's amazing.

And maybe everyone in the world who feels the need to give me their opinion has a point. BUT maybe I do actually know what I'm doing. In fact, maybe, I am actually capable of running my own life, and making my own decisions. Maybe I'm capable of judging character. And maybe, just maybe, I know when I'm happy.
Because I can tell you that I have not been so happy in a really long time. I mean, look at my life. Seriously, take a look. And be very very jealous. Because yes, I dare say, it is currently perfect. Sure, we freak out about assignments all being due, and only passing English by 4%, and not having time to do everything we want to. But this is perfection. I know who I am, and more than that, I love who I am. Finally.