I choose...

Inspired by Brandy

sweet over salty
Alex Day over Charlie (really Ebony, really?)
beef over chicken
early over late
everything over pink
the herald over the telegraph
boys over girls =S
dogs over cats
Graphmatica over Geogebra
too much over too little
high expectations and disappointment over low expectations and delight
boots over heels
bludgy over being active
school over work
blogspot over facebook
tomato sauce over bbq sauce
moonlight over sunshine
saving over spending
ice cream over chocolate
ncis: la over ncis
olives over ice cream
blogs over books
Newton over Galileo
texting over calling
spiderman over superman
iTunes over Limewire
unsw over usyd
words over pictures
good news week over the news
Mark Harmon over Michael Weatherly
half full over hlaf empty
creativity over conformity
pro-life over pro-choice
The Sims over Mario
mascara over eye liner
physics over chemistry
Kevin over Julia
too hot over too cold
you over me

Ventings =)

A few things I guess I just need to vent...

I hate that we avoid eye contact with each other. And make it awkward. I'm sorry it has to be like this. Who ever thought that I would actually listen to what my mother had to tell me, and decide to stop being someone's friend before she made that choice for me.
But I had to, because one of us was going to end up hurt, and I guess this time I didn't want it to be me. There is some small, but present chance that I have still not recovered form that, and the prospect of that terrifies me.

---

Without you, I am sad. When you have dinner, or have a shower, I tend to get really sad. And then start crying to Taylor Swift songs. And when you're there, I don't even know how you make a difference, other than telling me to clam down, and keeping me grounded. But whatever you do, I need you. And I hate when you leave.

---

I remember when I used to see you everywhere. Well, it's happening again. And sometimes, it's the same people, and sometimes they look different because they've changed. Have you changed? Who are you now? Do you ever think of me? I should stop thinking about you.

---

I have to sacrifice to belong. And I will. For you. I think you deserve chances in life more than me because you fight for them, whereas I just accept them. So you can have this chance, and I'll wait for the next one.

---

I'm trying to pretend that I wasn't going to mention you but in reality I was saving the best for last. I would like to pretend to myself that I hate you, or that I want you out of my life, or that I would be happy if you weren't in my life. But, I don't think any of that is true? And I don't know if I wish I was true?
Because I like the butterflies, and I like smiling so much around you that my cheeks hurt. And I like that when someone says something funny, we both look at each other to make sure that the other one is laughing, and sometimes when you're not there I look for you anyway, just in case you magically appear.

So... live.

Good morning again my sunshines (it is at least getting earlier in the morning, right?)

And welcome to another day of sadness, misery, and realising that your life is simply repeating itself in circles (at least it started cheerful).
Today (yesterday) was sort of my last day of holidays since I'm working sat + sun, but that's ok, because I have thoroughly enjoyed it (you know, to an extent.) I mean, I'm getting tired of the Australian national anthem from the amount of gold medals we've won, which is just awesome.

I bought Tim Minchin's DVD "So Live" today, and it's the best 2 hours I've ever spent. In fact, it seemed a lot shorter than 2 hours, but that was probably from the sheer awesomeness (tony the fish =D).

I should blog earlier (later?) so that I actually have stuff to say :L (or so that I can sleepat a resonable time, particularly when I have to wake up at 8 for work).
And speaking of work, and life going around in circles...

I'm so silly sometimes. I mean, either that, or I'm strangely retarded. Or maybe, I am actually "mature" (and somehow that seems like the least likely of all the options).
When I think about it, I'm still just a kid. There's so much that I have left to learn. And though I got quite a few life lessons fairly on in life, I think I have to relearn some of them, because I was too young to understand. I guess, I've always been a bit ahead of the norm, but this is just so stupid. I'm so stupid. Why am I always so stupid? (Maybe it's not me, mabe it's everyone else?)

Have a good night/morning! I'll blog again eventually (it could be weeks, now that holidays are over[at least a bit]).

Life goes on

Another late night/early morning blog for me.
Which is weird because I spent most of my day playing solitaire (only because it doesn't use downloads).
Oh yeah, and organising my iTunes, because most of my songs have the artist and title in the wrong places because they're dodgy limewire downloads. And since I'm getting an ipod soon (what's this? you're finally going to be normal??), I sort of want them to be right. And I have heaps of songs twice because they're in 2 different folders, so I've been deleting all of the doubles.

So I hope you were all ok today (yesterday?), and that you all asked other people in your life if they were ok. Sometimes, all you really need is for someone to care enough to ask, be that someone =)

I've also spent a lot of time watching the commonwealth games today, which is cool, because we keep winning. :L It also means I'm spending a lot of time with my family, which is good because they exist in real life, not just on the Internet (unlike all of you :L)

And I've decided that I'm not healthy enough, so I'm on... not really a diet, but, a change of lifestyle (who am I kidding, this is not a permanent change :L). Which means I've been eating less chocolate later, and even occassionally exercising (ok, so it was only like, twice, but still =D).

I just realised that I'm going to wake up in 8 hours to go shopping for my ipod, except, I'm not really tired (or bothered) enough to go to bed yet.
Oh well.

Have a good night/morning/day/life!

Beautiful world

Ok, so, I originally wasn't going to blog because my Internet downloads are diminising very quickly with all this school holiday spare time. But then, I thought, oh well, I may as well use it all up, right? (No, Ebony, that's a stupid idea).

Anyways, so here I am, and it's actually tomorrow now, which means I missed a day of blogging, oh how terrible. But I don't really care :L Because I have things to say =)

School holidays. It's like a time of intense loneliness, because everyone's doing their own thing, unless you're the kind of person that doesn't have a thing, and you keep jigging work for silly things like grand finals (31 years says it's not silly). And then you sit at home talking to people that are just as lonely and pathetic as you, and that you wish you could cheer up, but some part of you doesn't want them to be happy, and you don't know what to say because you're so fucking lonely yourself.

And you sit in bed at night for hours and you think about his smile. So damn beautiful. And you wonder if, maybe if you hadn't had so many weeks without that smile, maybe you could still believe that humanity was beautiful. Because he makes it beautiful. And you visualise the conversations you can never have because you get that funny feeling in your tummy when he's around, and it's something you haven't felt in so long, which is why you maybe didn't recognise it at first. And now you do recognise it, and you're scared of it, and you want to run away, but without that beautiful smile you just feel this overwhelming sadness. And maybe when you're with him, you feel sad as well, but he makes the world shine a little more.

Oh my gosh, I'm such a stupid little girl. =S

Oh well, in for a penny, in for a pound...

And just thinking about your smile, for hours on end each night, makes the night more beautiful, and my life more beautiful, and gives me reason to smile, and maybe even takes away a little of the sadness. The sadness that I guess was largely caused by you.
I wonder, if you had never entered my life, would I still be here? Or would I be... happy? The word sounds so strange, because I often feel so very sad, but I know there was a time when I was happy. Or at least... content. And I had all my boxes ticked, which I thought was a sign that I was happy, although now I'm starting to doubt it.

But I might be starting to doubt it because I'm mentally blocking the happy I felt, so that the sad doesn't take over so much. Or maybe, that wasn't happy?

I'm so stupid and confused.

Please make my world beautiful again.

Oh, and today is RUOK Day, which is some weird thingy thingo.
So yeah, please leave a comment, and tell me if you are ok. (And it's ok if you're not. We all fall sometimes, but we get up again)

Terrible things

I tend to get sad, as it gets closer to night time. I think, maybe he was right? And at the time I thought it was silly, but, you do feel lonelier at night. And I know I shouldn't be lonely because I have all these wonderful people in my life, that care about me, and are there for me. But, I can't help but feel like I want to be the centre of someone's world.



I think I'm trying to remember the person that I used to be, before... everything. And that of course leads me back to you. It always leads me back to you. Every journey of self discovery has you at the end, and that doesn't even make sense, because I'm looking for me, not you. But I keep finding you.



I miss you. I miss talking to you. I wish it wasn't like this between us. I know we have our ups and downs but I hate when we have problems because of boys. I never want our friendship to be hurt because of them (because let's be honest, boys are silly anyway). I don't know what I've done, and I don't know how to make it right, but I will try.



I keep forgetting that you love her. And then you do something simple, like ask if I know why she's mad at you, and I start crying because you actually do love her. Sometimes, I wish that she would love you too, and then everything would be ok, and maybe you could be happy together. But she doesn't. Maybe she used to, but she doesn't anymore. Maybe she never will.



Today, as I was driving with my Dad, I heard that song, and I sung it really loudly all the way home. It makes me happy that a song can make me feel so close to you. I like feeling close to you. Sometimes, I feel a bit too close to you, and then I feel weird and awkward, but usually you say something vague that makes me realise I barely know you at all. But it's still nice.

Goodnight beautiful people in my life =)

Love/hate relationship with humanity

I think I've broken my body clock.
You see, I keep staying up until like 2 or 3 am, and then I sleep in for forever.
It's the weird combination of school holidays and daylight saving.
And it means that I end up having lunch at like 4 or 5, which is so ridiculous :L.

So, anyways, today has been a largely uneventful day. In fact, I'm having a rather uneventful week. But I did one of the speeches from the yellow book of torture, which is really productive, given my track record this holidays. And I helped Dad take stuff to the tip in the only car we have with a towbar, which also happens to be the only car we have where the driver's door doesn't open. So yeah, it was really funny. And I rewatched the game from yesterday (moments like this only come around every 31 years, you know).

I know I've been blogging a lot lately (I'm sorry you can't handle it Corinne =L), but that's just because I seriously have an infinite amount of spare time, and I miss blogging, I used to really enjoy it. So yeah, here I am, spiling my guts to about 2 people :L. Actually, more people read this than I actually thought, it might even be 5 people =O!

Interesting fact: The most blogs I've posted in one month this year is 15, which is like, the minimum of last year. Which means, basically, that I'm not blogging enough lately which is so very diappointing (especially for you, I'm sure).

Oh, and my sister and I are probably going to go and see Tim Minchin at the Sydney Opera House next March (he has concerts on 24th, 25th and 26th), so if you want to come (and you're not going to university in another state next year), let me know :L.

And JUST IN CASE I haven't linked you to enough videos of his over the past, however long I've loved him, GO AND WATCH Some People Have It Worse Than I (if you don't mind swearing :L) or Prejudice

Lyrics from Some people have it worse than I:

At 11:53 I instigate the day’s ablutions in the hope my constitution can be altered by some action on the bowl
But the total non-existence of colonic animation seems to me the perfect metaphor for the utter constipation of my soul
By 11:59 I have decided that my life would be immediately improved by a carefully written list of short-term goals
But by 12.05 my list consists of 1-dot put some pants on, 2-dot go to the shop, buy some prunes and Panadol

Lyrics from Prejudice:

And you know my kids will always be clothed and fed
'Cause Papa's gonna be bringing home the gingerbread
And they'll be pretty smart because they'll be well-read
And by "read" I mean "read" and the other kind of "red"
It's a homophone!!

Oh yeah, and some bastard stole one of my L plates, and some other bastard backed into my car (when it was parked at Dad's work, totally not my fault) and smashed the blinker (although it still works, it's not orange anymore). So yeah, I hate people. =S

Dragons =)

For the first ime in 31 years, the Dragons have won the premiership =)=)=)=)
And there were people crying everywhere and it was just so awesome
And it makes me hate people a little less, you know
But not like a lot less, just a little bit

And yeah, for all you people who are worrying about me being sad and all that, I AM OKAY, we can all stop freaking out now because I'M FINE. Sure, I'm a little sad sometimes, but that's good, it makes me appreciate happiness a lot more, and puts my life in perspective.

So yeah, that's basically all I wanted to say: the dragons won.
It's a much bigger event than you realise. Really.

Everyone needs a souvenir

Since Paul posted his story on his tumblr about how he nearly hit someone today, I thought I'd post my story about how someone hit me (I'm fine, stop freaking out, I just hate people a little bit more).

So yeah, I was driving in Parramatta, on that really busy road :L That you go on to go to Westfields (or Dad's work, but hopefully you guys don't know where that is =D) and we got to those lights, where you can turn left or straight from the first(left) lane, and straight or right from the second(middle) lane, and right only from the third(right) lane (just read that until it makes sense :L).
So I was in the leftest (a word? I think not) lane, and I was going straight, and my lane was all empty, and the others were packed, because there was a red light to turn right (and both other lanes can turn right). And then this jerk in the middle lane quickly changes into my lane, and I'm like =O=S I wasn't expecting that, and I like, braked, and started going slower. And then ANOTHER jerk (how many idiots can be in one place at a time, I ask you) decides to pull into my lane, except he was completely stopped, and then he just started moving, and dad's like "look out" and I didn't have time to do brake (not that I could have without like, breaking my neck, or someone else's) and then I just heard this massive crash and I hit the side of his car.

So I pulled over, and he pulled over, and Dad took my licence, and got out and went to talk to him, and I wound down my window, but couldnt really see any damage without getting out. And I was sort of freaking out. And then Dad came back, and said that the other guy had a Chinese licence, and he's not sure if it's an international licence or not (seriously? seriously?! SERIOUSLY?!). Oh yeah, and he said it's my fault because I was going too fast, and should have left enough space for him (SEERIIIIOUSLYYY???????)

And then Dad was looking at the headlight with a frown, and then he tried to open my door, and it won't open. So I climbed over the gear stick and got out on Dad's side, and Mum and Nikki got out (oh yeah, I nearly killed my ENTIRE family) and the front of the car is smashed and there are weird things in the headlight bit, and the side is pushed into the door stopping it from opening, and things are sort of hanging there.

So Dad popped the bonet to see what the funky smell was (did I mention the funky smell? there was a funky smell) and in popping it, part of the car fell of except for one tiny bit hanging it was hangin by. and after we realised there was nothing funky going on down there, we pulled off the bit of the front of the car, and gave it to me as a souvenir of my first car crash.

Oh yeah, and no one got hurt (should've been mentioned first maybe?), because the car took all the force of the collision (crumple zones ftw!) Except my sister got jolted around a bit (even though she was furthest away, how odd)


And I refused to drive for the rest of the day because I was scared I was going to hit things.
But I'm 'getting back on the horse' and driving Mum to the airport tomorrow (she's going away for a bit of the weekend).

Anyways, have a good day and drive safely =)
There are some stupid drivers out there that will accidentally hit you if you do silly things =(

Candy Floss

Ok, so, in celebration of Charlie McDonnell's 20th birthday, I have spent the entire day watching his videos, and videos at fiveawesomeguys, and videos of his flatmate Alex. And generally being addicted to youtube in an incredibly unhealthy way. I don't think I've gotten up for anything other than food and personal hygiene in quite a few hours.

Anyways, so yeah, there is a beautiful, incredible song from Alex Day's album Parrot Stories (which you can listen for free here) called Candy Floss. And the lyrics are simply beautiful, so I will be posting them at the bottom of this post.

---

So yes, whilst I have not moved from this position in a long time, I have had a lot of thinking time. Also, last night, laying in bed and stuff, I've found it to be an impossible task to fall asleep. And that's because i can't get my stupid mind to just shut up. I mean, I've had voices in my head in the past, but just these last few days... I dunno, I think they're getting louder.
Unless of course I'm getting a conscience of something stupid like that, and then it would all make so much more sense.

But what have I had to think about?
Well, nothing, really, so, I've just had some random thoughts spiralling around in my head, which is utterly confusing and annoying.

---

I think I imagine you reading that and saying something very Jack Blackesque in the Holiday when he gets off the phone from Maggie in the restaurant. And perhaps you would have that disgusted look on your face, because maybe, that's what you think now when you think of me. Is it? Have I become that person in your life that you never want to speak to again?

---

Have a good holiday sunshines!

We ran through the rain together
You said I looked nice, I said you looked pretty
You held my hand, you pulled me close
And whispered “take me home”

We turned around as fast as we could
And jumped on the very next train
I said “I love you more than life”
You said “I feel the same”

And we talked about nothing forever
You spoke to the walls, they told you a story
The world spun underneath our feet
As we shut our exhausted eyes

We wrote our names in a heart on the sand
And saw the sea wash it away
I said “I want you in my life”
She said “okay”

She was gonna go, but I said “no, I don’t think so”
She looked at me, she smiled at me
And now I’ll tell you what she said:

“Do you like candy floss?”
I said “yeah, it’s alright”
She said “take me to a fun fair and we’ll eat candy floss tonight”

And we spun on the teacups
Round and round and round until we felt dizzy
You asked me to win you a bear
And said it was fine when I failed
(And we all know those things are rigged anyway.)

You and me, spinning through the trees ’till our faces were blue
I’ll always be that little boy sharing candy floss with you
I miss you