Steady, aim, fire

We are in open combat. And I win every battle but you still win the war.

Spare time for thoughts

I finally have spare time! So I'm blogging from my phone, Grayson :) it's quite unusual for me lately to not be in extraordinarily large amounts of pain, so I have to take these opportunities when they arise. I don't really know what all the pain is from, like I can identify most pains, like stomach pain and leg pains, but then I have weird pains like back pains that just arrive out of nowhere and prevent me from moving. Such is life, I suppose...

I have been having a hard time adjusting to this... Not being able to eat, having to check ingredients of everything before I put it in my mouth. It's been saddening mostly... I don't want to be this person forever. I just want to be normal. But I've made some decisions about the future which make me feel optimistic.

I've also realised that I've made decisions and said things in the past which I've come to regret. Things I never thought I would regret, but they were decisions I made at tough times and I didn't feel I had a choice. I felt pressured and responsible for other people, and that's not fair to myself. I should focus more on myself and less on other people... Niceness is often my greatest downfall.

And I miss you. I miss being able to text you when I did something I was proud of, that you could put in perspective, or something that reminded me of you, something only you would understand. Missing you has made me realise how fortunate I am to have other people, and yet, somehow, I don't feel fortunate, I don't appreciate people, I wish they would just leave me alone and let me study...

Life is funny, isn't it?

Unwritten words

So I had this total post written and I was going to tell you how I feel and try and make sound as unstupid as possible and maybe it would make some sense if I wrote it down, and I just want to tell the world how incredible you are. But one day, I will trust you enough to let you read this, and I don't want you to realise how crazily obsessed with you I am. I don't really have anyone... And I would like you to be my anyone.
See I'm doing it anyway, I have to go before I say the things I know I can't.

Ps boys suck :-D