Wonderful

So there's this realisation that I had yesterday.
Glorious yesterday.
Waking up next to you
And going bowling with you
And eating a pretzel with you
That you almost let me finish

I had this realisation
That you let me be me
You are ok
With me having my own life
And my own interests
Distinct from yours.

You don't ask me to do things
Just because you like them
You don't make me watch your movies
Or listen to your music
Or play your games
You get excited when I ask to
But you never ask me to

And I think, that's very new and different for me
To not have be anything
Except me
And I love it
I love being able to be me
And letting you be you
And not judging each other for who we are

We are very different people
And we have very different interests
And you pretend to understand physics
And I pretend to understand computer... things
And everything is wonderful
And you are wonderful



Oh my gosh Ebony, stop writing about your fucking boyfriend, we get the picture.

Let's void some warranties, my love

the worth of anything

I don't want to be the person that bugs you to talk to me anymore, that saves our conversation from peril. You aren't that important. I would rather play with my neopets.

And I've realised that maybe I made the wrong decision with you and I should have given you more of a chance. I just can't do this forever. At some point, enough is enough.

I'm sorry for getting angry at you but I'm more that you didn't care. You never care. You get pissed off, but you don't care. For once in your goddamn life, give a fuck about someone else.

"Don't be humble. You're not important enough."
I like that. I like it a lot.

And I don't know if you're modest or crazy. Maybe I just want to be you...

So you say "it's a date" and he says "no it's not it's an appointment"...

Maybe all our loneliness is just an illusion
And I could say the same about our happiness...

Sometimes life does something utterly amazing like give you a book or introduce you to someone and it's like the planets have alligned for you.
But I do take this as an indicator of what should be.
An extension on an assignment doesn't mean you leave it to the last minute...
A conversation with a friend doesn't mean you stop living your own life.

How can I be there for you when I'm so busy being there for myself?

How can anything be worth anything if it lasts forever?

Social Butterfly

So I was discussing life and the deeper parts of the universe with someone the other day (as you do) and it came up that I consider myself anti-social.

You may process that for a moment.

You see, when I am with other people, I am friendly and I am outgoing and I make an effort to meet people, talk to people, help people. I make an effort to be present.
But when people aren't there in person, I make no effort whatsoever.
I see my high school friends at birthdays if I'm lucky.
I never see my uni friends except for uni.
Hell, I barely see my dad.
Even the people I have classes with now, I don't talk to them except about uni work.

I don't talk to people.
I don't like people.
I am antisocial.

Such a weird realisation, isn't it?

I mean, I'm the person who gets excited when plans get cancelled.
And I thought that that was laziness.
But it's not.
I just don't like people.
I don't like hanging out with people.

I think, I like practical things too much.
I like discussing uni work with people.
I like teaching people.
I like discussing my thoughts on society with the Australian Nerdfighter group.
I don't like actually maintaining relationships.
So much effort.

Have a good day,

Complexities

"Let me submit to you that this is the actual definition of a good life. You want to be the kind of person who other people—people who may not even born yet—will think about in their own silences years from now at their own commencements... We may be taught that the people to admire and emulate are actors and musicians and sports heroes and professionally famous people, but when we look at the people who have helped us, the people who actually change actual lives, relatively few of them are publicly celebrated. We do not think of the money they had, but of their generosity. We do not think of how beautiful or powerful they were, but how willing they were to sacrifice for us—so willing, at times, that we might not have even noticed that they were making sacrifices."
John Green, Commencement Address at Butler University, 2013

A billion universes just wanting to be left alone

I'm glad you feel comfortable enough with our friendship to joke that we were on a date. I'm just not sure if I feel that comfortable yet. Maybe I am distancing myself from you because I don't want you to get the wrong idea? A year ago I would have been willing to go along with all of it, but things have changed since then. People have changed since then.
I like that you think I'm an essential part of your life, and that you should take me with you everywhere; you should. I like to think that I could be the voice inside your head. What is it like in your head?

---

What is it like to be in any head besides my own? The realisation that other people have lives as vivid and complex and important as my own is one which it has taken a while to make. Perhaps it is a slow realisation for everyone because it is not how humans think, or how they should thinnk. The sense of self is an extremely important part of our species' evolution as it has taught us to prioritise our own lives and feelings and needs ahead of those of others, making the stronger of us dominant. Whilst this is an ideal condition, there is something to be said for empathy.
Which I suppose is the largest conflict in my head at the moment; the entire purpose of life, in a round-about sort of way. Do we want to better society or better understand society? Do we want to give a man a fish or teach him to fish? Do we want to catch a single fish by accident, or learn the art of fishing?
Or.. do we just want to eat meat?

Maybe my life would be easier if I didn't think it was all such a huge fucking metaphor.

Thank you and goodnight.

Just close your eyes

Don't say it doesn't hurt when it does.
For, everyone who came before you let it hurt.
Everyone is allowed a bad day.
A bad week.
A bad life.
Let it hurt.
It's allowed to hurt.
Let yourself be angry.
Let yourself scream in pain.
Even the happiest people have sad days.

---

Hey, there's not a cloud in sight
It's as blue as your blue goodbye
And I thought that it would rain
The day you went away...

---

You do not want me to be hurt.
And I do not want to be hurt.
But you feel a phantom pain.
I am ok.
And you being hurt for me hurts me.
And... I think... you know that.
You know that you are hurting me above all.
And yet you persist.
I cannot fathom why...

---

Please allow me to introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
I've been around for a long, long year
Stole many a man's soul and faith

---

You have to let the world keep spinning.
And you say "But what is the point?
With every spin comes another birth, another death, another heartache.
Every spin brings another moment of pain, loss of trust, another parent burying a child.

And maybe we don't know the point.
But every other birth is just as deserving as our own.
Every heartache is as deserving as the first one we ever felt.
Every moment of pain is allowed as much as our lowest point.

So we don't stop the world, we let it spin.

---

Let me whisper in your ear
Say the words you long to hear
I'm in love with you.

---

Sometimes when I'm walking around by myself I think about you and I cry.
I can't even remember the things I miss about you.
I love you more than I ever told you.
More than I ever knew.
I love you so much it tears me apart that I can't have you.
I love you like photosynthesis loves light energy.
And I don't know how to continue to be without you.

I wanted to tell him that night that I couldn't remember properly,
but I didn't.
I thought it would hurt him.
I realise now that it wouldn't.
He's amazing.
And I'm the weirdo who cries in the middle of the street.
If I could just have you back.
Just for one day...
I miss your smile and your laugh and the way you said my name.
If I could have one more hug...

---
I waited too long
To tell you how much it matters
Just to be right here with you
But I couldn't think of anything better
I should have told you so

---

When I was so upset that you were never happy, I never realised how happy I was.
Now you're ecstatic with joy and fucking hell I miss you.
Because when you were sad, you came to me for cheering up.
And now you never come to me.
And I don't have time for you.
And I just want to curl up next to you and go back to how things used to be.
When you were sad.
And I wasn't such a selfish bitch.

---

drink more. think less.

Bonus blog in the middle of my holiday, makes up for being slow with the posting...

"sonder: the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own—populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness—an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk."
--dictionary of obscure sorrows

"Don't be sorry. Apologies shouldn't be one word anyway"- PaulPham

"Hello, my name is Ebony, and I deal better with things falling apart than staying together. When things go wrong, I know that people will always be there for me, I know that I can whinge and complain, and wake up in the morning and feel better. When things go right, all I have is myself. When things go right, I get lonely."

I  was reading through some tragically old blogs the other day and I stumbled upon this quote, and it really made me think. Lately, I've just been feeling so lonely, and, it kind of sucks.
I mean, apart from Damian, who is like my reason for waking up in the morning, there's no one in my life that I feel that close to or feel that I have anything in common with. All my friends from school have gone their different ways and made their different connections, and I'm scared of overwhelming my friends from uni by being all I LIKE YOU, BE MY FRIEND :D which would not be the first time... So I don't really feel like I can heart to heart with anyone... and that's a really lonely feeling, for me.

There he sat, propped up on a stone beside the lake, his body turned away from me so I could not see his face. I sat down on the stone beside him and he slowly turned to look at me, he expected me to say something. I guess I’m not surprised, most people don’t just sit next to people because they like to feel close. Most people don’t edge a little closer each possible second, rearranging their body every few seconds to move just a millimetre closer. I don’t really know why I like being so physically close to people, just that I do.
“I guess this is it” I said, simultaneously filling his expectant silence and distracting myself from further analysis of my persona.
“You say that like it’s the end of my life Elle, but it’s just one day” he looked sad “I know, but it’s a really big day for you; it determines everything”
“Stop reminding me” he smiled like his father, his eyes so beautiful and blue “I should be packing” and he looked over the lake again
“And I should be hugging you” I said as I reached my arms around him
I still hadn’t figured out whether he liked it when I did that. I hadn’t figured out a lot of things about him. Did he stay awake at night and think about me like I did about him?
“Haha ok” he had practically no response. He didn’t push me away, he didn’t hug back, he smiled, but it seemed like he did it out of obligation. Sometimes he would act like being with me was the best thing is the world, sometimes I felt like a burden on his life. Do boys know how confusing they are?
It took about three seconds of hugging him without being hugged back for me to feel awkward. The thing is, I feel more awkward when I’m not touching people. But I stopped anyway, because what else was I going to do, wait for him to pretend he cared about me.
“Good luck” I smiled
“Thank you” he looked back at me, happier now that I’d stopped touching him.
“You’ll be fine” I assured him. He just nodded. “And if not, I’ll love you anyway” He smiled. Why do I always have to make everything so awkward?

I started writing this and then got tired for about 4398239847928 days straight so it will never be finished. The conclusion of the story is: I hate myself and my awkwardness and my inability to make proper friendships, and I talk too much and think too little and life is terrible. :D Smile!!

Wait...

I always think it's going to be different. After I finish school, after I turn 18, after work, after Christmas; things will change. Maybe in the new year I'll be a new person with new priorities, maybe I'll do the things I've always wanted to do. Maybe nothing will change. Maybe the days keep rolling over, blending into each other. An endless haze of sleep and computer games. I'm waiting for the change that never comes. The eternal wait. I'm waiting on you.




















"I don't like goodbyes, I like see you next times. Even if next time doesn't come.
I like hope. Fruitless hope."

I doubt, therefore I might be.

I haven’t blogged in a while. I would say that I’ve been busy, but honestly, I’ve been living. Not excessively, like, I don’t have a life or anything, but, I’ve been talking to people for the first time in a while, which is really nice because I’m about hide in a hole for six weeks whilst I study for the death that is the HSC.

.
.
.

Food for thought:
"While the Thirty years War was heating up - a war that would lay waste to all of central Europe - this man was seeking peace, order, clarity and absolute, ultimate certainty about himself and the world. first, he established a rule that he would not consider anything true that could not be recognized clearly and distinctly. And he cast doubt on everything that could be open to doubt. He would not trust his eyes, nor any of his other senses; it was too easy to be led astray. He groped his way forward skeptically. Even thinking could not be relied on. Maybe an evil demon was distorting his thoughts. But wait - isn't there something that lies beyond any doubt? If I cast doubt on everything, he thought, I cannot doubt that I am doubting, and that I am the one doing the doubting. and if I know while doubting it is I who am doubting, i must be thinking that I doubt. There is thus an undoubtable certainty, a first principle that precedes all others: I think, therefore I am!"-Who Am I? And if so, how many? by Richard David Precht



I was living in your house and I was driving your car and I was living your life; the life you left behind. Did I appreciate it as much as you would? Do I appreciate the time I spend with your children? If you could be here now, what would you do? What would you say? If I could give it all back to you, I would. But I know you didn't want it anymore. You didn't want your life without her and I can understand that. Your devotion to each other was a beautiful thing to see, the way you would tell each other off and chase each other around; always joking but never too much. It would be nice to know someone that well, to be able to know what they want, what they think without ever having to ask. I miss your voice, I miss your smell. I miss you.



"We don't wanna sleep
Just wanna stay up
There's so much to say
And not enough hours in the day

We'll laugh 'til we cry
Read each others minds
Live with a smile
Make it all worthwhile" - Aly & AJ










I never thought of myself as one of the broken people. I never knew that I fit the description that I so obviously search for. I didn't realise that I was incapable of believing in happiness. It took you telling me today that I am only happy on the outside, it took me admitting that I don't believe I have the potential to be happy forever, for me to see that I'm not all sunshine and lollipops. And I want to be, I so want to be. I want to be so much that I've convinced myself I am. Turns out I've been lying to myself all along










"Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?"
-Epicurus

The happy life

Ok, so yeah, I got facebook. Whatever. Not a big deal. I haven't been morally opposed to it for over a year now or anything. It's all cool.

So I have trials in less than a week. And I don't know anything. Which is a discovery I have made quite recently. In fact, I mainly don't know anything about physics. Which is really quite worrying. But whatever, life happens, you know?



So I will bid you adieu and continue to study.
I just wanted to reassure everyone that I haven't yet killed myself from the stress of year12 (but I make no guarantees for the future).



I heard that you're settled down
That you found a girl
And you're married now
I heard that your dreams came true
Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you

Old friend, why are you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over

Never mind I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
"Don't forget me," I begged
"I'll remember," you said
"Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead."
Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead, yeah

You know how the time flies
Only yesterday was the time of our lives
We were born and raised in a summer haze
Bound by the surprise of our glory days

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over.

Never mind I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
"Don't forget me," I begged
"I'll remember," you said
"Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead."

Nothing compares, no worries or cares
Regrets and mistakes, they are memories made.
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

Never mind I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
"Don't forget me," I begged
"I'll remember," you said
"Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead"

How Much I Want To Hold You

"Perhaps it is ridiculous to think that you'll never feel further than your nerve endings... but even I know that the best love letters lack form or shape, but are given in glances and gestures; the sad smile across the canopées; the tighter grip on your hand to keep the panic attack at bay."

This is like, the best quote I have ever seen.
Having said that, I will now inundate you with beautiful quotes:



"Take the distance from the depths of the deepest ocean
to the surface of pluto
and multiply by as far as you can count
and you'll still be nowhere near
you'll still have no idea
how much I want to hold you" - Eddplant - Less Than Three



“Weltschmerz. It’s the depression you feel when the world as it is does not line up with the world as you think it should be… Because everyone thinks it should be possible to just keep falling and falling forever, to feel the rush of air on your face as you fall, that air pulling your face into a brilliant goddamned smile. And that should be possible. You should be able to fall forever.” - Will Grayson, Will Grayson



"Because you mention suicide to other people, and they say “you can’t do that.” And you laugh to yourself and think, “oh, yes, I can.” Because here’s the truth that everyone pretends is a lie. If you wanted to, you could quit your job today and pack all your bags and leave town. Or if you wanted to, you could get into a bar fight, get arrested, and then flick off the camera when they are taking your mug shot. Or if you wanted to, you could eat rat poison or put a gun to your mouth. And people always ask, “why?” but some people always ask “why not?,” and that’s when you have a problem, as far as society is concerned. But see, I belong to the later category, and although society is concerned, I am not concerned about society… or anything, as a matter of fact. "



And I fucking miss you, and Justin Bieber stole the song that I can no longer associate with the beautiful memory of the part of you that I hope beyond all else is still mine to keep. And I wish I could say that I still know you because I still want to know you so much, and I search everywhere looking for someone like you and when I get remotely close I get my stupid hopes up again, only to find out that they don't have your impeccable taste in music or flawless selflessness or beauty in viewing the world that falls apart around you.

I wish I could say that I no longer have a need for a person like you in my life, but the truth is that I am so broken, and I am falling apart and I keep clinging on to people that I think I'm close to and they all push me away so hard that it hurts. And you don't push. Or at least, you didn't. And if you're still the person I can cling to without being pushed away, I want you back.

And perhaps, even if you are not, I would still like to know who you are now.



"And for some reason I am typing this out to the universe because I don't have the courage to say anything to the actual person"

Intelligent Life

If we pretend that everything is ok for long enough, maybe eventually everything will be ok.
Oh hang on, I see a slight flaw in that logic.
Oh well, no one will notice.



So I'm pretending that everything is ok; we both are.
We're pretending that it's possible for us to live together, simply because you want me to need you and I don't want to disappoint you.
We're pretending that everything is going to stay ok, and that you're not at all tempted to throw me out of your house.
We're pretending that we care about what each other want.
We're pretending that we're not both terribly selfish people.



"Let's pretend everything's fine
Put on our fake smiles and keep wasting our time
Let's pretend we're fine
Go out in style and come home in denial"



I feel like talking to you is my way to escape everything
I can just sit and talk to you and tell you everything
And sure, sometimes I feel a little stupid, and I feel like the stuff I'm telling you is petty
But you tell me that it's ok that it's a big deal
You tell me that it's ok to be selfish
That I should care about what happens to me in my life
That I deserve good things
And sometimes, I even believe you



"Here I go again
Going down the only road I've ever known
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone
Coz I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams"



You tell me that I am selfish, and have all the good things I deserve
You say that I am a bad person, that you are better
You tell me that I complain about something insignificant
That I am making too big a deal of things
You see my pain as petty
And it is
But so is crying over boys
At least you have a home to go to at the end of the day



"There are times when all the world's asleep,
the questions run too deep
for such a simple man.
Won't you please, please tell me what we've learned
I know it sounds absurd
but please tell me who I am."



In the deepest, most distant part of my mind, I think I can almost recall a sort of happiness, but I'm not sure if it's a memory or a fantasy
Have I been happy?
Or do I just wish I was?
I still look up every time the door opens and expect to see you walking through
Remember when you used to whistle?
Fuck I miss that



The only reason I didn't go and talk to is because everytime I talk to you I feel like I should kiss you. And I don't have time to feel like that anymore.



Life tip: If you say everything with a smile, no one realises that you feel like crying ;)

Monsters

I haven't blogged in forever because I'm scared of the little monsters in my head that I always tend to release when I write blogs (yes Ebony, those monsters are honesty).







And he said this was my ranting space, and I said this is the space I get to be me, and maybe it's a mix of the two. Because I like feeling... things. And to rant is to feel things as much as one possibly can and this is where I can be me and I can be a little closer to ok.

Because, at this very moment in time, I am so many lightyears away from ok.
Because my mum is not talking to me me, and my sister is sleeping because she's sick.
And I miss my dad so much.
He could fix everything.
He could fix me.
I didn't lie in bed and cry myself to sleep when I said goodnight to him.
...I got to say goodnight to him.
Fuck I miss that.
I miss falling asleep on his lap watching Friday Night Football because 10pm was late for me but I couldn't tear myself away from the comfort of his hugs.





I feel like all I do in life is disappoint people and let people down and completely fail at everything. I do not know if it is possible to fail at the act of life, but if it is, I think I have failed. Having said that, I think the test is too hard because I haven't learnt this stuff yet, and no one told me it would be in the test. I didn't know it would be like this. I didn't know that I didn't have an option. It's so hard not to feel alone sometimes.






I do know that you love me and that you think I'm special and that you will always be here for me when I need and that means so much to me. But sometimes when I see you with her and I see the smile I can't bring to your face so easily anymore, something inside of me hurts, and I want her to go away. I want everything to go back to normal.
I'm sorry I can't be happy that you're happy.







I'm sorry I'm insecure and imperfect.
I'm working on it.

Just one look

Half yearlys start tomorrow, so clearly the logical thing for me to be doing right now is blogging. But, I am actually quite good at having things done on time, we leaves me way too much time to procrastinate later. I'm always overly prepared for exams and end up spending the whole week reading or playing Sims or something. I'm going to try and avoid that this year.
I'm sort of excited for exams, I like seeing how much I know, but at the same time I'm scared that I'm actually a lot stupider than I realise and I'm going to do crap at everything.
Oh well, life goes on, right?



One of these days
Gonna tell him I dream of him every night
One of these days
Gonna show him I care, gonna teach him a lesson alright


Funny how quick the milk turns sour, isn't it, isn't it ?
Your face has been looking like that for hours, hasn't it, hasn'tit?
Promises, promises turn to dust
Wedding bells just turn to rust
Trust into mis-trust



"And if you knew just how I felt, you could kill me, with just one look."

And that scares me more than anything else in the world.

The others

Yeha, yeah, blah, blah, I ignore my blog because I'm in year 12, half yearlys in 2 weeks, etc etc. Ok, let's move on now. =)
(Yeah, moving on doesn't mean I have any more time, and no I'm not writing anything, but oh look, pretty pictures! What a nice distraction!)



Be good <3

Giggly and stupid

Ok, seriously people, if you don't want to read my blog, DON'T READ IT. Don't read it and then whinge to me that I talk about sex too much (one time, seriously, one time!)
At least three people have mentioned to me recently that they read my blog for the first time in forever recently, and then preceded to complain about it.
Go away. I do not want you here.
That is all.
(Pay no attention to my squirtiness as this post goes on)



I don't know if I want other people to be happy. I don't know if I want to be a nice person. I don't know why I should stop being selfish. Because, why shouldn't I be happy? And bad shit happens to good people so often, that it's hardly worth being good.
I don't know what I'm supposed to do, or who I'm supposed to be. I just want to be happy, you know?



You are so incredibly beautiful and I wish I could tell you that often enough that you would start to believe me. I wish you could see what I see when I look at you. I wish I could see what you see when you look at me.
I think we're good for each other (and so does my mum?) because I think we can make each other see that.



I feel like a burden on everyone in my life because all I want to do is talk about you, and I'm sure that's the most annoying thing in the world. But I am me when I'm with you. And when I don't remember who I am, I think of you. I'm sorry if I talk about you too much, it's just that, I love you.



You give me the giggly, stupid smile that Nikki says makes me look like I'm soft centered. Holding your hand makes me happy in an over-the-top way. I start missing you before you even leave. Sometimes I sit on Nikki's bed and start smiling and she knows straight away that I'm thinking of you. But I'm always thinking of you. You have taken permanent residence in my mind and I don't want you to leave. I don't want to give up this feeling. Ever.

Goodbye sunshines.

Granted

Ok, so it has been sort of a while since I last blogged, because, well, I'm not sure if you remember, but I have this little quiz at the end of the year that I have to study for every now and then. So yeah, the lack of bloggage (and well, let's face it, friends) has meant that I have been doing relatively well in school of late. Also, I'm becoming best friends with like, all of my teachers, in an almost creepy way (I'm apparently on a first name basis with Ms Schultz?)

And what with my life experiences and never actually fitting in with anyone, least of all my family, I have been able to write an almost kick ass short story about belonging, which is, well, yeah, pretty kick ass. It's weird that everytime I tell my life story, there's always one thing that I have to mention; one person I think about an awful lot. I don't think I'm supposed to think about you this much, I doubt you consider me such a large part of your life, but you made me who I am, you see, and you are the main part of my life story.

"If someone told me I could have it all back
No more writing or reflecting or thinking on what could be
I’d tell that person they don’t know me at all
Cos you made me who I am and they don’t get how much you mean to me" - Alex Day

I feel like listening to music and just being happy right now. Because, sometimes, life is just beautiful, and it's important to remember that. "You notice someone cutting you off in traffic. But not that the earth is still here for one more day."
Miraculously, the Earth is still here, and I am still here, and you are still here. And we are still here. Together.

I'm sorry I took our time together for granted.

Never mind

My mum makes up rules that stop me from being happy and then expects me to follow them. Which I find, to some extent, to be hilarious. So I blatantly ignore them. And then she starts crying and saying that she's never trusted me, and she was just starting to, and now she can't.
Which is bullshit. Because she will never trust me.
And I hate lying to her, and I try to make it obvious, I think, because I want her to find out. But then she takes my phone away and makes my life hell, so maybe I should've just not told her.
Why is telling the truth always the wrong option? I'm only trying for you anyway.