What hurts the most...

I can't believe you think you're helping.
I can't believe you're doing it again.
You hurt me so much.
You've always hurt me.
You do things without wondering how I will feel about it.
Or you think I will be okay with it.

I try for you, I try to be strong.
I tell you that it's not hurting, that I'm okay.
So you push it "are you still okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine" Why the hell are you doing this to me?

"Are you happy now?"
"I'm always happy when with you" How can you think that?

"So there's something I've been meaning to tell you"
"Oh, really? What?" Don't hurt me, please don't hurt me.

"Oh my gosh, remember _____?"
"Oh yeah, what happened?" That destroyed me.

But I will always put up with it for you.
I will let you hurt me time after time, and I will be okay with it.
Because you are the person that took away my smile.
And you are the only one with the power to give it back.

And I always justify why I do things for you,
For everyone else, I'm fine
And for you, I feel as though I have to explain myself.
Because you never do anything for me.

i will always care about you
it's just what i do
and i will never give up

...please don't give up on me.

And what hurts the most is that you will read this and either A) have no idea it's about you, or B) actually take a hint and get it, but ask "oh, this isn't about me is it? i never meant to hurt you, really" and i will say "of course not, i'd never hate you that much"
but it is.
all of it.
i'm just too scared you'll hurt me more if you knew i thought this.