And I am really excited about the future. I'm happy for autumn to bring its crunching leaves and hot chocolate and blankets, I'm happy to get home to a warm dinner and wake up to a warm shower but I don't want to wake up on cold mornings and I don't want to walk home when it's cold and I hate the cold. Even at 8:30 in the morning my hands are still freezing and I don't like it, I don't like going six months of the year without being warm. I wish it could be summer forever.
And I am really excited about the future. I'm happy to start a new job and be able to devote all my time to something I really care about, I'm happy to start marking work and writing reports and doing all the things I've been looking forward to for years. But I'm worried that I'm going to be terrible at it and I'm worried about having the responsibility of all those little faces staring at me, hoping I have all the answers.
And I am really excited about the future. I'm happy to move out and find my own place and get to make my own decisions and do what I want when I want to without people complaining that I work too hard. But I don't know how I'm going to afford it because house prices just keep climbing and what seemed affordable a few years ago is now so far out of my reach that I don't know if I'll ever be able to afford to leave home.
But I'm excited about the future.
Monday, 16 March 2015
Thursday, 5 March 2015
Directions
1. And sometimes it is hard, being the person that falls in love so quickly that everyone else is scared off. Sometimes it's hard to explain to people that what you feel isn't a passing whim and that you can have so much passion and devotion to a person you don't know that well. You were staring into my soul when you told me that I was one such person but I suppose I was staring into yours when I noticed that you are too.
2. How do you do that? How do you start that conversation? There are some things that are so difficult to talk about... How do you say to someone "hey, I knew you very, very well a very long time ago and you knew me too and I want to share this story with you"? Maybe sometimes you have to accept that that's a conversation that will go unspoken.
3. It's so funny, being in fourth year, taking first year classes and they all think I'm so old. Oh, to be a first year again, I wouldn't do it for all the good in the world. I don't know how I've managed to pass all my subjects but so far it has happened and it would truly be torturous to go through some of them again.
4. It feels like a really large chapter of my life will be ending at the end of this year and I am scared and excited to see what the next one holds. Up to this point, I've always had a plan of where I wanted to be, I picked my high school in year two and my uni in year nine and didn't change my mind on either. But when uni ends, I won't have a choice in where I go and that worries me. I want to be successful and I want to be happy but I don't feel like I know how... Is it even in my control?
5. I really do hope that this semester is as easy as I've been telling myself it is because I've taken on a fairly large workload between work and tutoring and an online uni course. However, week one isn't over yet and I've already starting work on two assignments despite being a little sick (but recovering quickly!) so if I keep my productivity at this level, there shouldn't be an issue.
6. I feel like I need to write a list of all the things I want to do and all the things I want to be and achieve so I don't feel like I'm wasting my time. My life feels so long and beautiful but my childhood felt like that too and now it seems a lifetime ago. Where to go from here...
2. How do you do that? How do you start that conversation? There are some things that are so difficult to talk about... How do you say to someone "hey, I knew you very, very well a very long time ago and you knew me too and I want to share this story with you"? Maybe sometimes you have to accept that that's a conversation that will go unspoken.
3. It's so funny, being in fourth year, taking first year classes and they all think I'm so old. Oh, to be a first year again, I wouldn't do it for all the good in the world. I don't know how I've managed to pass all my subjects but so far it has happened and it would truly be torturous to go through some of them again.
4. It feels like a really large chapter of my life will be ending at the end of this year and I am scared and excited to see what the next one holds. Up to this point, I've always had a plan of where I wanted to be, I picked my high school in year two and my uni in year nine and didn't change my mind on either. But when uni ends, I won't have a choice in where I go and that worries me. I want to be successful and I want to be happy but I don't feel like I know how... Is it even in my control?
5. I really do hope that this semester is as easy as I've been telling myself it is because I've taken on a fairly large workload between work and tutoring and an online uni course. However, week one isn't over yet and I've already starting work on two assignments despite being a little sick (but recovering quickly!) so if I keep my productivity at this level, there shouldn't be an issue.
6. I feel like I need to write a list of all the things I want to do and all the things I want to be and achieve so I don't feel like I'm wasting my time. My life feels so long and beautiful but my childhood felt like that too and now it seems a lifetime ago. Where to go from here...
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