My holiday

I wrote this 10 days ago and for some reason it didn't post. Ohh well, posting now

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This is going to be an unusually mushy blog. Bare with it, it doesn't happen very often.

The best part of building a sandcastle with you is that you don't just put up with me. I once said that the perfect man would be able to deal with my perfectionism in building sandcastles. Which I suppose means that you are beyond perfect. Because you were more anal than I was about the slant of the castle wall, and the width of the moat. In fact, you cared so much about my castle, that you built me a wall. A wall so beautiful and big, it could withstand any wave. A wall that protected my castle in the same way you protect me, by wrapping itself around it.

The second best part of building a sandcastle with you is that when it is finished, you walk into the water,holding my hand. You will only go so far that oncoming waves just touch your knees, and no further. Which I take as excuse to throw wet sand at you, and you take as an excuse to throw it back. So we have a sand fight and I run further into the ocean to persuade you to join me; to go further than knee deep.

The third best part of building a sandcastle with you is that you are always full of surprises. So when I take those few steps further, expecting you to be too stubborn to get even your legs wet, you dive straight into the ocean. And I follow gradually, too scared to get wet too quickly as the water is far too cold. And you tell me to grow some balls and I remind you that they are not anatomically necessary for me. And you laugh and I smile and you smile and you kiss me. And I kiss you back.

The fourth best part of building a sandcastle with you is that once we've finished swimming and we're ready to go home, we jump on our castle. So some other little kids don't come and do it when we leave. And then we walk up the never ending sand holding hand whinging about the pain of walking on sand.

And now I'm back at home, without you. Without you hugs, your warm chest, the way you hold me when you play games. Without your smell, your eyes, the cute look you have when you blow me kisses.

Please never stop chasing me into the ocean, I don't ever want to stop chasing you.

Changing calendars

Happy new calendar year!
Because it's not a new year until I say so, a year is not defined by an arbitrary point in the Earth's orbit, rather, the calendar is.
My year will be defined when I feel that big changes are occurring. Usually, this is around February.
Still, I would like to at least attempt to formulate some resolutions, let us begin by reviewing resolutions of the past. Last year, I chose to formulate a life plan, rather than a list of resolutions. How did I go with that plan?

#1 Be happy.
Happiness is so complex that I can't say that I did or did not achieve it. At the moment, I am very happy, but I'm unsure as to whether that is due to external or internal factors. There are people in my life that make me happy, and people in my life that make me sad. Remaining positive through the sadness is perhaps all that is necessary. I don't feel positive because of the sadness, the sad will stay, and I am entirely pessimistic about it. But I believe there will be more happiness, and that is enough for me.
This year? No, this is not part of my life plan for this year. I believe happiness will come from doing the things I love with the people I love. But it cannot be "plan"ned.

#2 Try hard at school, but don't stress out.
I totally and completely achieved this, and I am 100% satisfied with how I went. Although there were times when I stressed a little too much, I think it helped me to ascertain my priorities. My results from the HSC were spectacular, and I think I eventually found a good balance.
This year? Definitely, this year I plan to try hard and not stress out too much. I think it will be easier working on a semester to semester plan, and having actually holidays, as I currently feel refreshed, and definitely burnt out a bit during the actual HSC.

#3 Get a licence. This must be done before the beginning of the footy season.
I did get my licence, although it was not before the footy season due to some personal problems. I may have failed my first test, but I think that was a life lesson :D
This year? I plan to get my greens before the year ends :)

#4 Earn money.
I did a lot of this. And also spent a lot on my David.
This year? Getting my scholarship recently has lowered the financial pressure, but I still want to earn a fair bit. I'm greedy, you know.

#5 Smile lots. Be optimistic. Life is actually a pretty big gift, enjoy it.
Overall, I have retained my optimism, although there was a chunk of the year where I felt a little helpless. Strong connections with friends helped me get through it and I'm totally thrilled to have so many wonderful people in my life.
This year? I'd generally like to be optimistic although I can foresee some events that may make that difficult. In fact, simply suggesting that it will be difficult already suggests a pessimistic attitude. But I will try. The world is my oyster, right?

#6 Appreciate time with friends. This is the last year I have a reason to see my people everyday, and after this, our relationship may be a struggle.
I definitely appreciated my time with them, a lot more than the year before. Since the HSC ended, it has been difficult to see them as much, but I don't think that has reduced our friendship at all.
This year? We have big plans on how to see each other, and although it may not always be possible to keep these plans, I believe out connection will remain. This is definitely onmylife plan for the year.

#7 Be a generally good person, but don't get too hung up on this. I've spent years feeling like I'm not good enough for anyone. It's ok to be a little bad every now and then.
...I still feel like I'm not good enough for anyone, so I supposed I've failed at this. But I'm still trying.
This year? Still on the list. Still trying

Have a great year!