Rant #3

Today, Mum said to me "You never spend time with your family anymore. You only do homework and get sick"

Seriously?
Seriously?
That's HER problem?
That I don't have any spare time between doing homework and getting sick?
SHE has a problem with that????
She doesn't think that MAYBE, JUST MAYBE I might also find that a little difficult to live with?
That maybe a life of illness and homework doesn't completely piss me off?

Ok, now that I've ranted I need to go and take some medicine and then finish my maths homework. Hopefully, before the Dragons game. Which I hopefully manage to stay awake for even though i start work at 8:30 tomorrow morning. =S

----


PS: I'm sorry =(
I didn't mean... yeah.
I love you.

dfgdfighnsdjkfkjdrnf

I opened a word document to write my practise English creative writing question.
That was half an hour ago.
I still haven't written anything.

I don't get what I'm supposed to do.

I don't think I've ever understood what I'm supposed to do for English.
How are we meant to relate it to authority and leadership?

I don't get it.

---

Yeah, I think that's all I really wanted to say.

I feel much better now.

Well, actually I don't.
But I can pretend.

More beautiful than ever before.

Confession #58: I think chicks in underwear are really sexy. Really, really sexy. I think guys in underwear are sexy too, I’m not totally lesbian. But like, the Bonds ads, wow, they are sexy chicks.

"I think that sometimes we love people so much that we become numb to it.

because if we actually felt how much we really loved them, it would kill us."

"Want to shout "I LOVE YOU"." - music_girl

I haven't blogged in a while, I don't really have time. Even this is only an excuse to not do my english essay. Or write my creative writing piece. Or write study notes. Or get ready for work.

Life has been steadily good. I really love school. I don't like how much time I have to dedicate to it (although when I look at last year, it's not so bad by comparison). Sometimes I wish other people could love school as easily, it makes everything so simple.

I think I've found a good rhythm. A balance of everything in my life. I know it's still not perfect, because it still hurts people, but this year I'm supposed to be doing things for me, not anyone else.

I'm going to go and actually do that essay now, so, I'll blog later (later being an unspecified amount of days).

Live long, and prosper.

Get to know me.

I've had this for ages, since Amy did it. But I waited till Rosa and Candy did it to be inspired enough to actually post it.

I am a morning person.
I am a perfectionist.
I am an only child.
I am Catholic.
I am currently in my PJs.
I am currently pregnant.
I am currently suffering from a broken heart.
I am left handed.
I am married.
I am addicted to MySpace.
I’m shy around the opposite sex.
I bite my nails.
I currently regret something I have done.
When I get mad I curse.
I don’t like anyone.
I enjoy country music.
I enjoy jazz music.
I have a car. (I haven’t paid for it yet, so I guess it doesn’t count? Even though it lives at my house and I drive it everyday :L)
I have a cell phone.
I have a pet.
I have at least one brother or sister.
I have been to another country.
I have been told that I’m smart.
I have been told that I have an unusual sense of humour.
I have had a broken bone.
I have caller ID on my phone.
I have changed a lot over the past year.
I have had surgery.
I have killed another person.
I have had my hair cut within the last week.
I have had the cops called on me.
I have kissed someone I knew I shouldn’t.
I have kissed someone of the same gender.
I have mood swings.
I have rejected someone before.
I have seen the Lord of the Rings trilogy.
I have watched Sex and the City.
I like Shakespeare.
I love to cook.
I love Michael Jackson.
I love sleeping.
I love to shop. (only at coles =D)
I miss someone right now.
I own over 100 CDs.
I own over 100 DVDs.
I own and use a library card.
I practice a religion that is not considered mainstream.
I read books for pleasure in my spare time.
I sleep a lot during the day.
I strongly dislike math.
I think Britney Spears is pretty.
I will try ALMOST anything once.
I work at a job that I enjoy.
I would classify myself as ghetto.
I can name all seven dwarfs from Snow White.
I am currently wearing socks.
I am tired.
I am currently waiting for someone.
I lost contact with someone.
I hate Miley Cyrus.
I think Party In The USA is catchy.
I’d date Harry Potter.
I can name all the past presidents of the United States.
I know who was president before George Bush.
I love pickles.
I need the internet to live.
I prefer vanilla over chocolate.
I watched Star Trek.
I watched all six movies of Star Wars.
I own an Xbox.
I think music is life.

I. Music (BOLD THE ONES YOU LIKE)
Acceptance. Coldplay. Dave Matthews Band. David Bowie. Foo Fighters. Hellogoodbye. The Killers. James Blunt. Teddy Geiger. Linkin Park. Muse. Ok Go. Panic! At The Disco. Peter Bjorn.The Postal Service.Timbaland. Jack Johnson. Norah Jones. Drake.The Fray. The Wreckers. Michael Buble. Beyoncé. Metallica. Massive Attack. Queen. Journey. The Cars. Supertramp. Eurythmics. Sublime. The Red Hot Chili Peppers. Wu-tang Clan. Fergie. Sarah McLachlan. Band of Horses. John Mayer. Jason Mraz. Justin Timberlake. Michael Jackson. Kenny Chesney. Carrie Underwood. Lynyrd Skynyrd. Neil Young. The Beatles. Brad Paisley. Tim McGraw. Taylor Swift. P. Diddy. Jay Z. Lil’ Wayne. Lil’ Jon. Three 6 Mafia. Nelly. Young Joc. T.I. Sean Paul. 50 Cent. Eminem. Eiffel 65. Ace of Base. The Underdog Project. Dream Theater. Santana. Alicia Keys. Incubus. Victor Wooten. Ludacris. Gorillaz. Mayday Parade. Arctic Monkeys. Matchbox 20. Paramore. Say Anything. Taking Back Sunday. Eric Clapton. The Darkness. Weezer. The Eagles. Jimi Hendrix. Maroon 5. Billy Joel.Reel Big Fish. Anberlin. Mae. Family Force 5. AC/DC. Hootie and the Blowfish. Electric Six. Outkast. R.E.M. The White Stripes. Prince. Mika. Crystal Castles. Does It Offend You, Yeah. The Klaxons. Britney Spears. Spice Girls. The Gossip. Lady GaGa. Nirvana. Smashing Pumpkins. Third Eye Blind. Metro Station. Motion City Soundtrack. The Rocket Summer. Tenacious D. Something Corporate. The All-American Rejects. The Moldy Peaches. Cold War Kids. Macy Gray. Mandy Moore. Plain White T’s. Train.Yeah Yeah Yeahs. My Chemical Romance. Fall Out Boy. We the Kings.The Rolling Stones. Angels & Airwaves. The Beastie Boys.The Strokes. Black Eyed Peas. Boys Like Girls. Miley Cyrus. Hannah Montana. Jonas Brothers. Demi Lovato. Selena Gomez. The Cure.Cobra Starship. Death Cab for Cutie. Deftones. Team Sleep. Filter. Goo Goo Dolls. Honor Society.Nevershoutnever! Katy Perry. Kid Cudi. Owl City.

II. Movies (BOLD THE ONES YOU’VE SEEN)
Pride and Prejudice. Glory Road. The Princess Bride. Goonies. Center Stage.Ocean’s Eleven. Seven. Newsies. 300. Robin Hood Men In Tights. Love Actually. Garden State. Donnie Darko. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless. My Best Friend’s Wedding. Anchorman. Drop Dead Gorgeous. Wedding Crashers. Elf. Zoolander. Austin Powers. Clueless. Mean Girls. Hairspray. Moulin Rouge. Fight Club. Rocky. Pulp Fiction. What A Girl Wants. Kill Bill. Thank You For Smoking. Little Miss Sunshine. Requiem for a Dream. The Departed. Dawn of the Dead. Memento. The Lovely Bones. 17 Again. 8 Mile. Office Space. Snakes on a Plane. Boondock Saints. Say Anything. The Silence of the Lambs. Saving Private Ryan. Superbad.The Prestige. Just Friends. The Devil Wears Prada. Under the Tuscan Sun. Titanic. Steel Magnolias. Saw.Ace Ventura. She’s the Man. Because I Said So. Catch and Release. Music and Lyrics. Spanglish. Stick It. Step Up. The Fast and the Furious. Joyride. Halloween. The Italian Job. Crash. Must Love Dogs. The Last Kiss. Chicago.Harry Potter. Rush Hour. Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Clerks. Shooter. The Bourne Identity. Meet the Parents. Dirty Dancing. A Christmas Story. Rudy.National Treasure. Sleepless in Seattle. Miss Congeniality. The Science of Sleep. The Matrix. Everything is Illuminated. Good Will Hunting. Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure. Empire Records. Phantom of the Opera. Lord of the Rings. Click. Scarface. District 9.

III. TV (BOLD THE ONES YOU’VE WATCHED MORE THAN A COUPLE OF TIMES)
ER. Grey’s Anatomy. Saved by the Bell. Man vs. Wild. Scrubs. South Park. America’s Next Top Model. Gossip Girl. Sex and the City. Friends. Dawson’s Creek. The Big Bang Theory. Seinfeld. The Office. Lost. Miami Ink. Made. Arrested Development. That 70’s Show. Family Guy. The Simpsons. Veronica Mars. Project Runway. Bones. Iron Chef. Alias. Pushing Dasies. Gilmore Girls. The Colbert Report. The Daily Show.Mythbusters. Avatar: The Last Airbender. Will and Grace. 24. House. To Catch A Predator. Whistler. Heroes. Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Unsolved Mysteries. 7th Heaven. Everybody Loves Raymond. Boston Legal. Bleach. What I Like About You. Reba. King of Queens. Survivor. The O.C. American Idol. Days of Our Lives. How I Met Your Mother. CSI. Boy Meets World.Law and Order. Numbers. Reno 911. I Love New York. Step by Step. Little People Big World. What Not To Wear. My Wife and Kids. Moonlight.Supernatural. Ace of Cakes. White Collar. Nip/Tuck. The Biggest Loser.Beauty and the Geek. Battlestar Galactica. Stargate SG1. The Inferno. Scarred. Wild N Out. Real World. Whose Line is it Anyway?. Trinity Blood. Dead Like Me. Dragon Ball Z. Futurama. Firefly. Medium. Star Trek. X-files. Cowboy BeBop. Sailor Moon. My Name is Earl. Six Feet Under. Dancing With The Stars. Degrassi. Greek. Glee. Secret Life of the American Teenager. The Hills. Laguna Beach. Vampire Diaries.

Psychotic.

Confession#56: I love the smell of lynx and shaving cream. I think it’s because for as long as I can remember, my Dad has always smelt of lynx and shaving cream. But I love it when guys spray lynx at school, it makes me feel safe and happy.

"The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true."

"I am psychotic, love me regardless?" – warped reality

How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb?
One.

So... life.
Everything is spinning in my head at the moment. I know I should be doing more homework since I'm working tomorrow, but the prospect of thinking is giving me a headache and I think maybe I'm stressing myself out too much again.

"Every generalization is dangerous. Especially this one."

I think maybe that little fairytale of my life came about 2 years too late. Or at least, a year and a half. I think it could have been a fairytale, maybe, if you'd let me see what you showed everyone else. Why wait until today?

"Do not take candy from strangers unless they offer you a ride."

I am a little bit over life and I would greatly appreciate a weekend around about now. As in, a weekend without work, without homework, without assignments, without 8 minute speeches, without studying. Just a weekend. Or just one day, if that's all there is.

"Life, n: A whim of several billion cells to be you for awhile."

I don't know where you are in your life, and I really would like to. I don't think we should be friends because I don't think we'd make good friends. But maybe pen pals, or something. Something where we just update each other on what's going on. Maybe I worry about you?

"If it weren't for physics and law enforcement, I'd be unstoppable."

Maybe the least you could do is tell me what the hell is going on with you.

"Age is a number, not a limitation."
~Brendon Urie.

It would've been nice if you said yes. I miss you, you know. But I think we're getting closer. That makes me happy.

"I doubt, therefore I might be."

What if this is it?
Is that okay? Or would you rather have something to live for?

"Alright, every band tells you to raise your middle finger, for fuck this, fuck that. But we think that's boring. We want you to hold up your ring finger, because there is someone out there in this world that wants to sleep next to you every night."
~Patrick Stump

Every word you say is like a captured melody. You're the character in the book that everyone listens to, you're the one who's always right. You're Dumbledore, Gandalf, House, Gibbs, Yoda. You're the guy we listen to. Because we know.

"if everybody who sees the ships dies
how do u know there is a ship"

I think I'm a difference person to who I was. I'm me now. I was never me before. I was a shadow of the person I could one day become. But I was not a person. I was merely an echo.

You think I'm insane because you can't hear the music. You can't hear the song I sing along to, the song I dance to. But it's there. Just look for it.

Goodbye sunshines.

help meeh

I know you're hanging out for my blog (ok, maybe not), but I am so swamped with crapp right now, it's sort of impossible.

Stupid public speaking, why am I doing it anyway?

Oh, and if you guys want to help me, I will be ever thankful. My topic is "the truth hurts" so if you can give me some examples of situations when the truth hurts, yeah, that'd be good. Just throw some ideas at me.
ppplllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease.

ill blog maybe later (only if i finish my speech so HELP ME)

The Lonely Monster.

Confession #52: I didn't want the crap to get to me. Maybe it didn't. Maybe there's still hope.

"The saddest kind of sad is the sad that tries not to be sad. You know, when sad tries to bite its lip and not cry and smile and say, “No, I’m happy for you”. That’s when it's really sad."

"Planning my existence with broken pen." - GreenBean91

((This is a compilation of lots of different blogs from my past. Enjoy.))

Today, I am infinite.

--

Tell me what to do, and I will do it. I will make it right I promise. Your wish is my command. Tell me how to fix everything. Tell me how to deal with it. STOP TELLING ME THAT YOU DON'T LIKE HOW THINGS ARE, AND TELL ME HOW YOU WANT THEM TO BE. Just talk to me. Stop upsetting me, stop making me cry. Stop telling me how upset you are. And tell me what to do about it.

--

Smiling fights the lonely monster.

--

Tell me your story, and I'll tell you mine.
We'll curlourselves up in a blanket
And sip our hot chocolate
And much on our tim tams
And we'll watch the stars
Wrapped in each others arms
Telling our stories.

--

Everyday is filled with daisies, if you look hard enough. Sometimes you have to stop looking at all the dirt, and focus on the flowers growing from them. You need to plant some seeds, too, if you want to see flowers. And sometimes they won't grow and you will have wasted all that time. And then sometimes they grow to be beautiful, and it is worth every second you put in.

--

I'm afraid time is going to pass so fast that I never get a chance to apreciate you and I know that eventually, it will be too late. And there's a looming feeling in me that eventually is coming sooner than I want it to. I know that I've let chances like this slip by me before, and that that should be some incentive not to let it happen again. But I also have a little part of me saying that it's too late, I've already lost you. There's nothing left for it...

--

Dammit. Sometime I feel like a royal idiot.
And I'm not really sure why.
I mean, I can't really think of something particularly stupid I've done lately.
I'm just so sad.
Most of the time it's because big things are so far out of my control and I want to help, or stop things from happening, or just create a smile, but I can't. Because I'm so insignificant.

--

To be brave is to love someone unconditionally,
without expecting anything in return.
To just give.
That takes courage,
because we don't want to fall on our faces
or leave ourselves open to hurt.

--

He tells her everyday that she is beautiful. Everyday. Sometimes she says "so are you", and sometimes she says "maybe I am", but she never really accepts it. It's so hard for her to see. He doesn't think he's beautiful either, and she tells him everyday too. But they make each other want to believe it. And that is something in itself.

--

I haven't seen butterflies in a while...
I remember seeing a lot of butterflies when I was little. Me and Nikki used to chase them around the back yard. Mum didn't like the white ones so we'd chase them. Everything seemed so colourful when I was little. All of my memories seem so colourful. Maybe, my mind has faded like a photograph.

--

I have so much to give you.

So much love, and heart, and soul.

So much caring.

Everything I have in me.

I am not an empty vessel.

I am brimming with passion and smiles and stories and pictures and romance.

I want to break it, everything inside of me,

into a million tiny pieces

and wrap them up

and give you one everyday

until you have all of them.

All of me.

--

I think you are beautiful and I wish you could see what I see when I look at you.

--

I want to be able to be me without being scared of what everyone else has to think.
I'm scared of getting too close to you, and not being me anymore. I want to keep me. I don't want to become the girl whose name is tagged onto yours. I want to be my own person. I need to be me.

--

But today has been one of those medicore days.

When you can pinpoint the times you've had fun, and smiled

But by the time you get home from school, you're crying.

--

I wrote our initials in led pencil at the train station on my way to work.

They may wash off, but they may stay there forever.

And no one but us will ever know they're there.

--

And she said I like sunsets and sci-fi movies. I will love you for you, and won't care about who people think you are.
I'll always be there for you, and I'll randomly hug you and tell you I love you.
All I ask, she said, is that you love me for me.

--

Sometimes all you can do is play a really loud song, and scream the lyrics at the top of your lungs. To grab someone's hand, and dance around the room, singing into your hairbrush. And when they walk away, you cry and cry. Because everything is not going to be okay. But tomorrow, you will wake up, and smile, and pretend. And everything will be a little closer to okay.

--

You see that sky? It shines just like you!

--

You know when it's been raining all day, and the sky has been grey. Everywhere you look are clouds, and dull, dreary, grey skies. And then the sun peeps out a little. And suddenly, everything lights up. The sky turns a pretty blue, the grass look greener. The world just shines a little. And you have this feeling that everything is going to be okay, everything will work out. And everything is beautiful. That's the feeling I get around you, you're my peep of sunshine.

--

And everyone tells me to slow down. But maybe I don't wanna slow down. Maybe I like doing things fast. Maybe, I just need someone to catch up, and run with me. Because walking isn't very fun. Not that running is fun. It's just... maybe I have somewhere to go. So whilst you all walk around aimlessly, I'm ready to run home.

--

And I am a pain in the ass a great amount of the time, and sometimes I can tell I'm being a pain in the ass, and I keep on being one, but you put up with it, and you're there for me, always. I guess "thank you" doesn't really sum it up properly, but I don't know what else I could say.

--

Nothing's ever going to be perfect.

Your mind and your heart will never agree on everything.

You will never be certain if it is the right thing to do.

Do It Anyway!

Because life is too short to question everything.

stress session

maybe i am pushing myself just a little too hard at the moment to get everything perfect, and to be perfect. but i feel like if i can just get things worked out into some sort of routine, the next 2 years will be a lot easier.

i like the stress. stress makes me work. i've never been the kind of person to stay up till 3am on the day an assignment's due. i'm the person to write down everything i have to do. STRESS OUTTT. and then get it done. a few days before it's due. giving me time to look over everything, and stress out over upcoming things.

that's just my system.
i think it's getting a lot of influence from work lately.
if i know im working during the week, ill do stacks of study on the weekend. if i know im woprking the weekend, ill do all my homework throughout the week. i just try to fit it all. most of the time i succeed.

of course, there is the occassional time when nothing seems to fit. or i misplace something important, or leave a book in my locker, or get called into work, and then i have small emotional breakdowns.

but ive now learned to prepare for emotional breakdowns, and give myself allocated time to have them in, should they be necessary.

and life goes on.
...life always goes on.

(since i havent allocated time for this blog, i must leave you now. but ill blog later, perhaps on the weekend. ill fit it into my schedule ;))