Failure to conserve small truths

For my 100th blog, I keep thinking of all these things I could post about. I can’t seem to choose the best one, so I figure I’ll just add them all in together. Warning: Blog could be very crazy.


Ok, you know last post, I asked everyone to comment, to delurk? Thank you =) You guys are awesome! Anyways, I’ve decided that I’m going to be more encouraging towards comments. I like them, they make me feel like people appreciate the shit on my blog. So, do we all remember the post I did forever ago where I told you what to comment? (If no, click the link you idiots) Well, I’m doing it again, I’m telling you what to comment with. (I’m so bossy aren’t I?) (Too bad, it’s MY blog, I can do what I want)
Today, I want everyone to comment with a secret. A sort of postsecret sorta thingy. You can post it anonymously if you want (Actually, please do!) And I might comment too… maybe… Anyways, I like secrets, we all remember this, yes? Goodie. Well, tell me your secrets, oh the joys we will have.

I'm not going to care anymore. I have a rule, I'm not allowed to use "backspace" when blogging except for typos. If I mean something enough to write it, I have to post it, this could be a very interesting post. My sentences won't make sense. And I'll say things I'll regret forever. How exciting!

You know when you’re smiling so big that you start laughing. Laughing so much you start crying?
Amy made me smile that much.
I like it when she does that! No, I love it! She told me I was her bestest friend! BESTEST.
(You're smiling right now, aren't you Amy?)

...I get this little tingly feeling inside everytime you write my name. Like, by using it, it means you care about me. Even though it mean the opposite, cuz I still can’t say your name, and it hurts a lot to write, and I’m in love with you.

Yes, there, I said it. I am in love with you. Every part of me aches for you more and more each day. But it feels nice. Right now, at least.

I feel like a little girl when I think of you.
Because you make me believe in love.
Young love.
When things can make sense
And the world is yours for the taking
And when you have that boy, everything is okay
And you can conquer the world if you want,
But you don’t
You just want him.
Forever.

See? It makes you wish you loved me too, doesn’t it?
Because I made it sound so beauteous.
Because I didn’t mention anything about how it is very wrong of me to love you. And how everyone around us can tell just how wrong it is. I didn’t mention that that boy doesn’t love me nearly as much as I love him. I didn’t mention that I’m never allowed to talk to him.
I only said the important stuff. That I never want to spend a day without him by my side.
But I will, everyday, for eternity.

I feel small.
Small, in a good way. Like, I don't have responsibilties anymore, things just are.
Who wants to be small with me??



"Hope" is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops
at all

My guardian-angel is out getting coffee. - Magikal Wisdom

Actually, she's not, she's just otherwise occupied, and I do forgive her for having more important things to do than look after me, I just miss her a lot.
I still carry her on me when I need her. Most people ask me what she is, I say "my guardian angel", I never tell them more than that, I can't tell them more, or they'll think I'm insane. Either that or they'll feel sorry for me, and I don't want their pity, nor do I need it, I am not upset by her anymore.


Did anyone see the moon last night as she sat along the horizon? She was honey coloured, and beautiful. Not that ishe isn't always beautiful, but I love watching herchange.
I have taken ownership on the moon. Seriously, I'm gonna put a flag on her saying "Ebony is cool", and then everyone will know that she is mine.
Oh yeah, and I don't call her "it" like most people do, I use "her". She is my Luna.

There were sounds, in my head.
Litle voices, whispering.

Hmm, I think that accurately portrays my current emotional state. I seriously have voices in my head. Some of them are singing (no really, there's ALWAYS music playing in my head), other voices are telling me what to do, other voices are describing everything around me, so that I understand things better. And then there's the voices that think in tune with me. The ones that say these words as I write them.
I would love to rid my head of all of my little voices. They are so very distracting. And yet, I appreciate all of them in their own little way. I'm developing a sort of fondness for them, especially the ones that speak with my voice.
Do you guys have voices in your head?
If so, how many? And what do they all do/say?

Now, do we all remember my loving obsession with The Corrs?
Didn't think you'd forget that easily.
OK, well, another group who go VERY CLOSE to being as good as the Corrs are the Eurythmics. I trust that you all have no idea who they are, because I know that you don't listen to good music. I can't be bothered to link you to Eurythmic songs, but can't you just youtube them? Yeah? Good! You go do that. I'll wait.







Oh yeah, if you guys are wondering where I got all these pics from, uhh well... See, I'm not clever enough to go look for them myself, so I stole them. Mainly from Karen and Lizzie's blogs. Oooh, and I found some on smithteens. People use them with their memoirs.

Ehe, I have 10 more pictures left... and I'm running out of things to write (OK, so I ran out of things to write 5 pictures ago, and starting fishing for inspiration). I really have to go soon, though, I sort of have a packed weekend, you may have noticed I've been AWOL for the last 2 dys, and though I no longer HAVE to post everydy, I still like to. Wow, no wonder this post is so big.

I’d do it for you, you know. I’d try so much harder. I see you, sitting there, all alone; you have no one to talk to. You look bored. I try talking to you, but it is too hard, why should we put such effort into conversation? So I will learn for you, and one day (if I’m not too late), I’ll be the one talking to you, when everyone else isn’t. I know what a big smile you get when you see me trying to learn. Well you know what, I’m gonna try even harder for you. I love you, never forget that.

I have infinite words in my head. They all are dying to escape. I won't let them. I don't know why. Why do I still hide a part of myself? What am I scared of? What's the worst thing that could happen??
Actually, my head just answered that, now I have to do as it says, because it is my head. Hmm, am I writing with my soul then? If my head is otherwise occupied?

Ok, attention everone reading. SMILE!!
Did you smile?
Please smile for me.
Just turn your mouth a little at the corners. No, don't grin like an idiot, really smile!!
Yeah, like that.
THANKYOU.

You see, a smile is a beautiful thing. If you smile, and someone else sees it, and they smile, then it keeps going, and soon everyone is all smiley, and then, the world gets happier.
I like that idea. The idea of making people happy. Of makng people smile.
I like the idea that people are happy and smiley.
Ok, never mind, I'm crazy.

5 pictures left.
and yet, somehow emotionally drained.
no thoughts left for them.
Here, another blogsecret:

My sister was sexually abused.
She told someone about the abuse, and made it stop.
She did what I couldn’t do.
She had the courage to be honest about the abuse, and all that I had was shame.
I didn’t want to be different or damaged. I didn’t want my world to be turned up-side-down. I wanted to pretend it never happened.
I didn’t want it to be real.
I didn’t support her, acknowledge her pain or help her though the healing process.
I wasn’t on her team, I wasn’t her best friend, I wasn’t honest and I wasn’t brave.
This is my secret.
This is the remorse, the regret and the guilt I carry with me.
Sister, I am so, so sorry.This is my secret.

Don't bait him, Ebony, you should know better than that by now.
And don't laugh at him, when he takes it.
Don't laugh at his compliments either, no matter how funny you find them.
Play nice.
And be truthful.
Always.

Frightened of mirrors, glass, cameras, self.

Tomorrow will be my greatest adventure.

Just trying to figure myself out.

Don't like life. What's plan B?

Need to stop crying over you.

I think about you too much.

Trying so hard to stay strong.

Please stay alive for another day.

Now love hearing "Love Song Dedications"

Of course, not a blog could go by without mentioning my 6 word memoirs. Those ones are a bit recent though, so I probably shouldn't haven't posted them. But I can't backspace them *shakes head* my new rule sucks!!

You know I've been posting this since 8:30.
No, really, it's taken almost 3 hours. I mean like, I've done other stuff too. Some of which I've mentioned. But 3 hours is a very long time. Then again, it may be another hour before I finish, even though there's only one picture left. I want to write something nice. Something that sums up everything. What I REALLY need is a song. A song that fits. But I won't be able to find one. How frustrating.
I tell you what, I'll think of something and add it in later, this is taking too long.





PS: Remember your comment with a secret! :)