one - start with acceptance, grow from there
TWO - don't deny that every word was beautiful
three - dare i say "you started it"?
four - don't do the thing you love. find the love withing the thing you do
"Remember the good ole’ days, when petrol was 90c a litre, and stamps were only 45c? I’m gonna tell my grandchildren about that." - Nikki.
It changes, nothing goes on forever – Red
Everything changes. There comes a point when you realise that things are never going to be how they were, and more than that, things are never again going to be how they are now.
You focus so much on how good things used to be that you forget about how good they are, until you lose everything, and then you see what it meant.
That's how we appreciate things, by ending them. We appreciate love by seeing hate, we appreciate light by seeing dark, we appreciate beauty by seeing ugly.
I don't miss last year.
This has been the first year in many that I have been able to say that.
I don't miss how my class/group/life was back then. Becuase things change. And rather than asking "why do things change?" i ask "what am i going to do with the new things?"
The fight to find the reason. – shhhme
People ask why. And the truth is, I don't know why. I don't understand anything any better than they do. I don't know anything more than they do, I just look for more. Maybe, I don't ask, though, because I'm scared of the answer. Maybe I'm scared that there's a good reason, and maybe that's something I'm not ready to accept.
People ask how. And I don't know that either. They ask me so many questions, most of which I don't have answers for. But the ones I do answer, they're learning to accept. Everyday, my answers become more detailed and more meaningful, everyday, they get closer to what I mean.
If you dig, you will find it.
really makes you think, doesn't it – notamazing
Tuesday, 10 February 2009
Monday, 9 February 2009
I'm just invisible
one - I just know I'm a walking time bomb
TWO - That's the problem, I don't want to.
three - Stop hurting her, because she takes it seriously
four - i hated it when you changed the subject, even though i asked you to, you see, there's one thing i just love talking about... thankyou for mentioning it.
I can't do anything about it. – coulda.been.a.comet
You know, so far this month, I have blogged 12 times. Considering it is the 9th, that is A LOT. I am so weird sometimes…
And you know what?! I love my blog. It’s like, my “happy place”, if no one ever read any of this shit, I would write it anyways, because I love my blog so much.
Hehe, just reading through my old posts, starting from the beginning, I can really see how much I’ve changed, it’s really weird actually. I’m more mature (go figure), and less whiney, I usually accept things for how they are; instead of saying “why are things like this?” I say “what can I do with this situation?” I am MUCH happier (its all the incessant blogging, isn’t it?), and I’ve found my place.
I ask myself too many questions. - ayanastar
LOL, I’m being so reminiscent, but, I sign on to blogger at EVERY given opportunity, sometime to read other peoples blogs, but usually to reread mine, I go over the whole page every time, haha, even writing this, I’ve stop a gazillion times to read my blog, because it is totally awesome!!
Hmm, I love my mind. I never thought I’d say that, but, I love my mind. How each little detail of all my blogs amounts to something huge, that things are implied but never spoken, and in the end, you can just feel it.
Some things you don’t realise about my blog:
– when I do those silly quiz things, and don’t blog normally, it means I’m replacing my thoughts with a quiz because either a) im embarrassed about my thoughts b) you guys aren’t ready to hear my thoughts, or c) im scared ill offend you if I tell you how I feel.
– every single picture I choose has A LOT of thought put into it (no really, a lot!), and might be about you guys, or might not be, you just have to figure it out
– all those 6 word memoirs are there because I have something to say to you that I cant use normal words for.
– “I’ll see you under the moon” is taken from a movie called Instant Message. The main characters are pen pals from when they were in middle school. They always knew they would meet, they didn’t know where, they didn’t know when, they didn’t know how, all they knew was that it would be under the moon, so they signed all their letters “I’ll see you under the moon” Haha! Hopeless romantic alert!
You're beautiful. You just don't see. - GoldfishGirl
OK then, now that we have been all cool and reflective, I will leave.
Do you want a song??
ALWAYS!
OK, this is my current favourite song… go and download it!!!
(You’ll be able to hear me singing it, instead of her… no, really, it’s like, exactly how I think. Go and download it!!! Why are you sitll reading?? LEAVE!! NO! Don't look at the lyrics until you download it!!)
I give you INVISIBLE – Taylor Swift (gee, there’s a change of pace)
She can’t see the way your eyes light up when you smile
She’ll never notice how you stop and stare whenever she walks by
And you can’t see me wantin you the way you want her
But you are everything to me
[Chorus:]
And I just wanna show you
She don’t even know you
She's never gonna love you like I want to
You just see right through me but if you only knew me
We could be a beautiful miracle unbelievable instead of just invisible
There’s a fire inside of you that can’t help but shine through
She’s never gonna see the light
No matter what you do
And all I think about is how to make you think of me
And everything that we could be
[Chorus]
Like shadows in a faded light
Oh we’re Invisible
I just wanna look in your eyes and make you realize
I just wanna show you she don’t even know you
Baby let me love you let me want you
You just see right through me
But if you only knew me
We could be a beautiful miracle unbelievable instead of just invisible
She can’t see the way your eyes light up when you smile
TWO - That's the problem, I don't want to.
three - Stop hurting her, because she takes it seriously
four - i hated it when you changed the subject, even though i asked you to, you see, there's one thing i just love talking about... thankyou for mentioning it.
I can't do anything about it. – coulda.been.a.comet
You know, so far this month, I have blogged 12 times. Considering it is the 9th, that is A LOT. I am so weird sometimes…
And you know what?! I love my blog. It’s like, my “happy place”, if no one ever read any of this shit, I would write it anyways, because I love my blog so much.
Hehe, just reading through my old posts, starting from the beginning, I can really see how much I’ve changed, it’s really weird actually. I’m more mature (go figure), and less whiney, I usually accept things for how they are; instead of saying “why are things like this?” I say “what can I do with this situation?” I am MUCH happier (its all the incessant blogging, isn’t it?), and I’ve found my place.
I ask myself too many questions. - ayanastar
LOL, I’m being so reminiscent, but, I sign on to blogger at EVERY given opportunity, sometime to read other peoples blogs, but usually to reread mine, I go over the whole page every time, haha, even writing this, I’ve stop a gazillion times to read my blog, because it is totally awesome!!
Hmm, I love my mind. I never thought I’d say that, but, I love my mind. How each little detail of all my blogs amounts to something huge, that things are implied but never spoken, and in the end, you can just feel it.
Some things you don’t realise about my blog:
– when I do those silly quiz things, and don’t blog normally, it means I’m replacing my thoughts with a quiz because either a) im embarrassed about my thoughts b) you guys aren’t ready to hear my thoughts, or c) im scared ill offend you if I tell you how I feel.
– every single picture I choose has A LOT of thought put into it (no really, a lot!), and might be about you guys, or might not be, you just have to figure it out
– all those 6 word memoirs are there because I have something to say to you that I cant use normal words for.
– “I’ll see you under the moon” is taken from a movie called Instant Message. The main characters are pen pals from when they were in middle school. They always knew they would meet, they didn’t know where, they didn’t know when, they didn’t know how, all they knew was that it would be under the moon, so they signed all their letters “I’ll see you under the moon” Haha! Hopeless romantic alert!
You're beautiful. You just don't see. - GoldfishGirl
OK then, now that we have been all cool and reflective, I will leave.
Do you want a song??
ALWAYS!
OK, this is my current favourite song… go and download it!!!
(You’ll be able to hear me singing it, instead of her… no, really, it’s like, exactly how I think. Go and download it!!! Why are you sitll reading?? LEAVE!! NO! Don't look at the lyrics until you download it!!)
I give you INVISIBLE – Taylor Swift (gee, there’s a change of pace)
She can’t see the way your eyes light up when you smile
She’ll never notice how you stop and stare whenever she walks by
And you can’t see me wantin you the way you want her
But you are everything to me
[Chorus:]
And I just wanna show you
She don’t even know you
She's never gonna love you like I want to
You just see right through me but if you only knew me
We could be a beautiful miracle unbelievable instead of just invisible
There’s a fire inside of you that can’t help but shine through
She’s never gonna see the light
No matter what you do
And all I think about is how to make you think of me
And everything that we could be
[Chorus]
Like shadows in a faded light
Oh we’re Invisible
I just wanna look in your eyes and make you realize
I just wanna show you she don’t even know you
Baby let me love you let me want you
You just see right through me
But if you only knew me
We could be a beautiful miracle unbelievable instead of just invisible
She can’t see the way your eyes light up when you smile
Sunday, 8 February 2009
Random thoughts.
one - I tell them off, but I wish they'd mention you more
TWO - "I just wanna open you eyes, and make you realise"
three - You understand, you just pretend you don't
four - it's only words. and words are all i have to take your heart away
I smell like mouldy oranges :S
But that’s irrelevant.
(Well, not if you’re in the same room as me)
(Although no one else can smell it)
HAHA! I just went and sat on my driveway for 10 minutes watching Luna (this is normal for me), and my neighbour comes out and looks at me, and goes “what are you doing?” and I’m like “Uhhh, watching the moon” and he’s like “...right”
LOL! And now I totally forgot what I was gonna write… dammit.
Memoirs, anyone??
This is not your last chance – E. Rigby
And you've got a smile
That could light up this whole town
I haven't seen it in awhile
Since she brought you down
You say you're fine
I know you better than that
Beautiful is a state of mind. – October
The way you walk, the way you talk, the way you say my name
It's beautiful, wonderful, don't you ever change
Take me away. Get lost together. – Quirktastrophe
But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
And it's 2am and I'm cursing your name
You're so in love that you act insane
And that's the way I loved you
Call me different. I say beautiful. - ayanastar
I think he can see through everything
But my heart
First thought when I wake up is
My god he’s beautiful
So I put on my make up
And pray for a miracle
You're the most beautiful person ever. – Thriving Violet
And I stare at the phone, he still hasn't called
And then you feel so low you cant feel nothing at all
And you flashback to when he said forever and always
Spend a lot of time dreaming. – coulda.been.a.comet
And I just wanna show you
She don’t even know you
She's never gonna love you like I want to
You just see right through me but if you only knew me
We could be a beautiful miracle unbelievable instead of just invisible
Always the lover, never the loved. – ilove2shop
So, yeah, that's it!
(*I only borrowed it)
TWO - "I just wanna open you eyes, and make you realise"
three - You understand, you just pretend you don't
four - it's only words. and words are all i have to take your heart away
I smell like mouldy oranges :S
But that’s irrelevant.
(Well, not if you’re in the same room as me)
(Although no one else can smell it)
HAHA! I just went and sat on my driveway for 10 minutes watching Luna (this is normal for me), and my neighbour comes out and looks at me, and goes “what are you doing?” and I’m like “Uhhh, watching the moon” and he’s like “...right”
LOL! And now I totally forgot what I was gonna write… dammit.
Memoirs, anyone??
This is not your last chance – E. Rigby
And you've got a smile
That could light up this whole town
I haven't seen it in awhile
Since she brought you down
You say you're fine
I know you better than that
Beautiful is a state of mind. – October
The way you walk, the way you talk, the way you say my name
It's beautiful, wonderful, don't you ever change
Take me away. Get lost together. – Quirktastrophe
But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
And it's 2am and I'm cursing your name
You're so in love that you act insane
And that's the way I loved you
Call me different. I say beautiful. - ayanastar
I think he can see through everything
But my heart
First thought when I wake up is
My god he’s beautiful
So I put on my make up
And pray for a miracle
You're the most beautiful person ever. – Thriving Violet
And I stare at the phone, he still hasn't called
And then you feel so low you cant feel nothing at all
And you flashback to when he said forever and always
Spend a lot of time dreaming. – coulda.been.a.comet
And I just wanna show you
She don’t even know you
She's never gonna love you like I want to
You just see right through me but if you only knew me
We could be a beautiful miracle unbelievable instead of just invisible
Always the lover, never the loved. – ilove2shop
So, yeah, that's it!
(*I only borrowed it)
Welcome to reality
one – actually, I am, and it’s only you that doesn’t see it.
TWO – you didn’t know you were quoting my fantasy. I’m telling you know
three – first, we’ll master the art of dishonesty
four – I wish someone would throw pebbles at my window
The only problem? He's not you. – lauraseagull
----------------------
Yesterday, I bought Lucy’s Valentines Day present, and card. My mum still thinks I’m getting it for a guy, :L. I guess she thinks I’m a normal teenager.
Oh well, I appreciate my friends more than boys (sometimes) (yay me!).
Ohhh, so THAT’S why everyone was saying I was a lesbian. :L.
Ah well. I love Lucy!!
TWO – you didn’t know you were quoting my fantasy. I’m telling you know
three – first, we’ll master the art of dishonesty
four – I wish someone would throw pebbles at my window
The only problem? He's not you. – lauraseagull
Ok. Dude. Stop staring at me!! I’m beginning to think you’re retarded. I mean, sure, at first it was sort of funny. But now, it’s like, WHY???? Gah, you’re pissing me off. Stop. It. And it’s not like, normal, you’re a creepy starer. Like there’s something totally crazy about me, and you’re wondering how I can continue to function. It actually surprises me to say, but I AM MORE NORMAL THAN YOU!! (Mainly because I don’t think my teacher can fly) (I think I just gave away who this is about)
Anyways, I don’t wanna go now cuz I’m scared you’ll be there. Watching. And I have to say hello to you. Because otherwise you’ll know I’m avoiding you, but you will be there.
I guess I’ll just see you there, then?
Anyways, I don’t wanna go now cuz I’m scared you’ll be there. Watching. And I have to say hello to you. Because otherwise you’ll know I’m avoiding you, but you will be there.
I guess I’ll just see you there, then?
----------------------
Sadly, my world revolves around boys – Juju
Yesterday, I bought Lucy’s Valentines Day present, and card. My mum still thinks I’m getting it for a guy, :L. I guess she thinks I’m a normal teenager.
Oh well, I appreciate my friends more than boys (sometimes) (yay me!).
Ohhh, so THAT’S why everyone was saying I was a lesbian. :L.
Ah well. I love Lucy!!
My heart belongs to the moon. – Thriving Violet
I’ll see you under the moon!
Saturday, 7 February 2009
Stuff
one - I've already picked it out. 5 years ago. Your turn now.
TWO - I guess I shouldn't have assumed you meant it.
three - I hope I'm not always invisible
four - Thank you for asking if I was okay. I wasn't. I didn't tell you that. But I could have.
My sister wants to name her kid Luke.
That’s not fair, it was sooo my name first! Right??
Grrr, why do we have to think so alike???
Our conversation:
N: “I told Mum I was gonna have 2 kids, and name one of them Luke, and one-”
E: “You’re WHAT?!”
N: “I’m gonna name one Luke, love the name Luke”
E: “Me too, which is why I’m naming MY kid Luke!”
N: “NO! I’m naming my kid Luke! I’m gonna have twins, and one is gonna be Luke”
E: “I’ve loved the name Luke longer than you have, I get to name MY kid Luke”
N: “No way, I’m getting Luke”
E: “BULLSHIT!! I will have a kid tomorrow if it will mean I get to name my kid Luke”
N: “I will KILL YOU to name my kid Luke”
So, if I don’t blog for a while, my sister killed me for a name :L
Until then.
I have something to share with you.
Yesterday, after my sister downloaded heaps of cool Taylor Swift songs, I found another that will definitely make me cry.
You wanna know what it is??
(Of course, I thought it was about her Dad, and when Nikki said it was about her Mum, it suddenly doesn’t mean much to me anymore. But I’ll write it anyways.
THE BEST DAY
I'm five years old
It's getting cold
I've got my big coat on
I hear your laugh
And look up smiling at you
I run and run
Past the pumpkin patch
And the tractor rides
Look now -- the sky is gold
I hug your legs and fall asleep
On the way home
I don't know why all the trees change in the fall
I know you're not scared of anything at all
Don't know if Snow White's house is near or far away
But I know I had the best day
With you today
I'm thirteen now
And don't know how my friends
Could be so mean
I come home crying and you hold me tight and grab the keys
And we drive and drive
Until we've found a town
Far enough away
And we talk and window-shop
Until I've forgotten all their names
I don't know who I'm gonna talk to
Now at school
I know I'm laughing on the car ride home with you
Don't know how long it's gonna take to feel okay
But I know I had the best day
With you today
I have an excellent father
His strength is making me stronger
God smiles on my little brother
Inside and out
He's better than I am
I grew up in a pretty house
And I had space to run
And I had the best days with you
There is a videoI found from back when I was three
You set up a paint set in the kitchen
And you're talking to me
It's the age of princesses and pirate ships
And the seven dwarfs
Daddy's smart
And you're the prettiest lady in the whole wide world
Now I know why all the trees change in the fall
I know you were on my side
Even when I was wrong
And I love you for giving me your eyes
Staying back and watching me shine
And I didn't know if you knew
So I'm taking this chance to say
That I had the best day
With you today
TWO - I guess I shouldn't have assumed you meant it.
three - I hope I'm not always invisible
four - Thank you for asking if I was okay. I wasn't. I didn't tell you that. But I could have.
My sister wants to name her kid Luke.
That’s not fair, it was sooo my name first! Right??
Grrr, why do we have to think so alike???
Our conversation:
N: “I told Mum I was gonna have 2 kids, and name one of them Luke, and one-”
E: “You’re WHAT?!”
N: “I’m gonna name one Luke, love the name Luke”
E: “Me too, which is why I’m naming MY kid Luke!”
N: “NO! I’m naming my kid Luke! I’m gonna have twins, and one is gonna be Luke”
E: “I’ve loved the name Luke longer than you have, I get to name MY kid Luke”
N: “No way, I’m getting Luke”
E: “BULLSHIT!! I will have a kid tomorrow if it will mean I get to name my kid Luke”
N: “I will KILL YOU to name my kid Luke”
So, if I don’t blog for a while, my sister killed me for a name :L
Until then.
I have something to share with you.
Yesterday, after my sister downloaded heaps of cool Taylor Swift songs, I found another that will definitely make me cry.
You wanna know what it is??
(Of course, I thought it was about her Dad, and when Nikki said it was about her Mum, it suddenly doesn’t mean much to me anymore. But I’ll write it anyways.
THE BEST DAY
I'm five years old
It's getting cold
I've got my big coat on
I hear your laugh
And look up smiling at you
I run and run
Past the pumpkin patch
And the tractor rides
Look now -- the sky is gold
I hug your legs and fall asleep
On the way home
I don't know why all the trees change in the fall
I know you're not scared of anything at all
Don't know if Snow White's house is near or far away
But I know I had the best day
With you today
I'm thirteen now
And don't know how my friends
Could be so mean
I come home crying and you hold me tight and grab the keys
And we drive and drive
Until we've found a town
Far enough away
And we talk and window-shop
Until I've forgotten all their names
I don't know who I'm gonna talk to
Now at school
I know I'm laughing on the car ride home with you
Don't know how long it's gonna take to feel okay
But I know I had the best day
With you today
I have an excellent father
His strength is making me stronger
God smiles on my little brother
Inside and out
He's better than I am
I grew up in a pretty house
And I had space to run
And I had the best days with you
There is a videoI found from back when I was three
You set up a paint set in the kitchen
And you're talking to me
It's the age of princesses and pirate ships
And the seven dwarfs
Daddy's smart
And you're the prettiest lady in the whole wide world
Now I know why all the trees change in the fall
I know you were on my side
Even when I was wrong
And I love you for giving me your eyes
Staying back and watching me shine
And I didn't know if you knew
So I'm taking this chance to say
That I had the best day
With you today
Friday, 6 February 2009
Now I'll stop thinkning about it...
One – I stopped. That was the first step.
TWO – It should make a difference, but it doesn’t
Three – It was just something I had to do
Four – I guess it didn’t make sense in the first place, did it?
Explanation of weird behaviour after drama:
Everything was perfect. The sand, the waves, the rocks, the sun, and especially the person sitting next to me. I was completely at ease. It was beautiful, unbelievable. The feeling of complete relaxation was one I’d never before encountered. This was how my mind relaxed best, imagining you. And then he said “You have to be completely alone”, so I tried. I forced my picture, I warped it, I used all my energy to push you out of my mind. You fled, and I held you away. “Relax” he said. I let go, I stopped pushing; you flooded back to me. No! I forced you away. Pushing, pushing. “Be completely relaxed,” he repeated. No! I can’t! Not if I’m meant to be alone. I opened my eyes and gave up. Relaxation without you doesn’t exist; I guess I should have known.
TWO – It should make a difference, but it doesn’t
Three – It was just something I had to do
Four – I guess it didn’t make sense in the first place, did it?
Explanation of weird behaviour after drama:
Everything was perfect. The sand, the waves, the rocks, the sun, and especially the person sitting next to me. I was completely at ease. It was beautiful, unbelievable. The feeling of complete relaxation was one I’d never before encountered. This was how my mind relaxed best, imagining you. And then he said “You have to be completely alone”, so I tried. I forced my picture, I warped it, I used all my energy to push you out of my mind. You fled, and I held you away. “Relax” he said. I let go, I stopped pushing; you flooded back to me. No! I forced you away. Pushing, pushing. “Be completely relaxed,” he repeated. No! I can’t! Not if I’m meant to be alone. I opened my eyes and gave up. Relaxation without you doesn’t exist; I guess I should have known.
Things that make me sad
one - Even perfect things come undone
TWO - I didn’t dream of you last night. Relief.
three - It wasn’t all about you. It is now.
four - I just wish someone would ask me…
Hehe.
Today I am blogging about: DEPRESSION.
(yay?)
Not, like, full on though, just…
Well…
I am too happy.
No, really. I’ve never been this happy before. I am self-actualised. I’ve also never been happy for such a long period of time without getting depressed.
And the world works in waves (Go science!)
Which means, after the big uppy wave, comes the big downy wave.
Things have to balance.
So, I’m gonna get depressed.
And the longer I stay happy, the more depressed I’m gonna get.
(Really puts a smile on your face doesn’t it?)
So this is just a warning.
I’m gonna be really sad soon.
And it’s normal. For me.
Oooh, and today I found my depression song
(I always have a song. We all know I have a song for EVERYTHING. This includes depression)
(I think last time it was Try Honesty – Billy Talent)
You wanna know what it is??
BREATHE – Taylor Swift.
(I’m sorry, I love her!!)
I’m scared of how depressed I’m gonna get, too.
But I know it’s gonna happen, gradually…
First, I’ll have to force a smile to make me happy
Then maybe a laugh
Soon, I’ll have to justify happy opinions to myself
And eventually, there’ll be nothing I can do…
UNTIL THEN…
Smile! The stars are watching you.
:L
I’ll see you under the moon. ;)
I see your face in my mind as I drive away,
Today I am blogging about: DEPRESSION.
(yay?)
Not, like, full on though, just…
Well…
I am too happy.
No, really. I’ve never been this happy before. I am self-actualised. I’ve also never been happy for such a long period of time without getting depressed.
And the world works in waves (Go science!)
Which means, after the big uppy wave, comes the big downy wave.
Things have to balance.
So, I’m gonna get depressed.
And the longer I stay happy, the more depressed I’m gonna get.
(Really puts a smile on your face doesn’t it?)
So this is just a warning.
I’m gonna be really sad soon.
And it’s normal. For me.
Oooh, and today I found my depression song
(I always have a song. We all know I have a song for EVERYTHING. This includes depression)
(I think last time it was Try Honesty – Billy Talent)
You wanna know what it is??
BREATHE – Taylor Swift.
(I’m sorry, I love her!!)
I’m scared of how depressed I’m gonna get, too.
But I know it’s gonna happen, gradually…
First, I’ll have to force a smile to make me happy
Then maybe a laugh
Soon, I’ll have to justify happy opinions to myself
And eventually, there’ll be nothing I can do…
UNTIL THEN…
Smile! The stars are watching you.
:L
I’ll see you under the moon. ;)
I see your face in my mind as I drive away,
Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way.
People are people,
And sometimes we change our minds.
But it's killing me to see you go after all this time.
Mmm mmm mmm
Mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm
Mmm mmm mmm
Mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm
Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie,
It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see.
Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down,
Now I don't know what to be without you around.
And we know it's never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, noone here to save me.
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand,
And I can't,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to.
Never wanted this, never wanna see you hurt.
Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve.
But people are people,
And sometimes it doesn't work out,
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out.
And we know it's never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, no one here to save me.
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand,
And I can't,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to.
It's two a.m.
Feelin' like I just lost a friend.
Hope you know it's not easy,
Easy for me.
It's two a.m.
Feelin' like I just lost a friend.
Hope you know this ain't easy,
Easy for me.
And we know it's never simple,
Never easy.
Never a clean break, noone here to save me.
Ohhh I can't,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to,
Breathe,
Without you,
But I have to.
Sorry (oh) Sorry (mmm)
Sorry (eh eh) Sorry (mmm)
Sorry (eh eh) Sorry (mmm)
Sorry
Thursday, 5 February 2009
Reresolve
one - that was only to upset you, I hope it worked
TWO - i haven't told you how much it meant to me, but i will
three - it was for you. all of it was for you.
four - i was too scared to tell you right then who it was for, i should have told you about my blog, but i don't want to.
I am going to go through my resolutions, and see what I have achieved, and what I haven't (I know it's boring, but... I want to ACHIEVE something this year)
Fill memoir account - DONE!! AND I let everyone see it, which is totally incredible for me, I'm sure you're all sooo proud
Write everything down - I do! Not only on my blog, though, the amount of sheets of random paper lying around my house is incredible. And the random word documents, too.
Blog every week - So far, so good. (I've actually started blogging more than everyone I follow PUT TOGETHER, so that's... well... a little crazy :L)
Stop biting fingernails - I am soo close, I swear. I mean, I dunno, I guess it will always be a habbit, but, I haven't completely destroyed any of them this year, so, yay me.
Make moneys ($D) - I still don't know why I wrote that, but I guess, yeah, I've done that too
Smile more - YES!! I mean, not today, cuz I was too tired (and now my kiddies think I'm normal :L) but, like, yesterday, and the day before, and the day before, I've been very smiley lately.
Be healthier - Umm, well, nooo, I'm actually less healthy. But that's not my fault, I'm still sick, and it's totally messing with me.
TWO - i haven't told you how much it meant to me, but i will
three - it was for you. all of it was for you.
four - i was too scared to tell you right then who it was for, i should have told you about my blog, but i don't want to.
I am going to go through my resolutions, and see what I have achieved, and what I haven't (I know it's boring, but... I want to ACHIEVE something this year)
Fill memoir account - DONE!! AND I let everyone see it, which is totally incredible for me, I'm sure you're all sooo proud
Write everything down - I do! Not only on my blog, though, the amount of sheets of random paper lying around my house is incredible. And the random word documents, too.
Blog every week - So far, so good. (I've actually started blogging more than everyone I follow PUT TOGETHER, so that's... well... a little crazy :L)
Stop biting fingernails - I am soo close, I swear. I mean, I dunno, I guess it will always be a habbit, but, I haven't completely destroyed any of them this year, so, yay me.
Make moneys ($D) - I still don't know why I wrote that, but I guess, yeah, I've done that too
Smile more - YES!! I mean, not today, cuz I was too tired (and now my kiddies think I'm normal :L) but, like, yesterday, and the day before, and the day before, I've been very smiley lately.
Be healthier - Umm, well, nooo, I'm actually less healthy. But that's not my fault, I'm still sick, and it's totally messing with me.
Wednesday, 4 February 2009
I have a warped view of life
The rule of this tag: "Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you (that would be me). If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you."
1. I once had the exact same dream about 2 very special people in my life, weird though, it only applied to one of them. So I kept thinking heaps about why it would apply to the other one, and ended up liking the one it didn’t apply to, even though I original liked the one it did apply to.
2. I haven’t had Limewire now for about 6 months, and haven’t been able to download music. This did not stop me learning the lyrics to EVERY Taylor Swift song on azlyrics.com
3. I’ve told people for about a year now that I want to marry an Italian. I changed my mind when my sister remembered that Italians are mummy’s boys, and my mum said Italian mother-in-laws are bitches. Now I want to marry someone with Hazel eyes (I’m so shallow!!)
4. I talk to myself more than I should, because my mind is always multitasking and can’t focus, so voicing things makes them easier to understand.
5. I often wonder what people think of me because I have such a random personality, I wonder how anyone could possibly juggle all of me, I’m so mood swingy.
6. You know those people who are really really funny? I hate them. Because I always laugh heaps and then feel like an idiot, and then I get embarrassed by being around them.
7. Everyday I work, I wear a ribbon in my hair. I do this for a particular person there. If he read this, he would know I was talking about him. (I’ve started wearing them at school too.)
8. Everytime I try and figure out what I want to be “when I grow up”, I meet someone who is living out my dream. I met the most recent one on Sunday, so right now, I’m stuck between dreams. I don’t wanna live in their shadow.
9. The person I’ve mentioned the most so far on this thingo, is the person in my life who I know the least. Don’t know their last name, don’t know where they live, what school they go to, anything!
10. I cry everyday. It’s the only thing guaranteed in my life. Not a smile, not a laugh, not a shred of hope, just a cry. Lately, I’ve been crying to the same song every night, because it regulates my life. It means that I don’t cry at any other point in time (I know, it’s weird), and I only cry to this song because it has meant so much to me ever since I read the lyrics. (My sister downloaded it, because I needed to hear it, because the lyrics were so cool, and omgsh, the song is even better).
11. I can’t wait till Valentine’s Eve. Even though the whole idea is stupid, I have 2 Valentines (only 1 knows :L), and I want to make them feel special. More than anything in the world.
12. I’ve always wanted to be a writer, and I’ve started writing lots of stories, but I never finish what I start, so they remain incomplete. Now I realise that if I’d discover blogging a few years ago, I would have all the half-stories documented, and it would be a beautiful little haven.
13. I am the best 13 player that you’ve met that isn’t Asian. :P
14. It's very weird for me that I’m a messy person, because I’m such a perfectionist. I think that I’m always looking into what I will do in the future, so I don’t have time to put things where they belong.
15. I love vegetables, I love simple foods. I don’t like most lollies, or chips, but I can’t be bothered to put effort into making food, so I eat things I don’t like.
16. (This is sort of from a movie) I’ve always wanted to make a snow angel. But I don’t want to leave a footprint in the snow when I leave. So, “With him, there’s not footprints” (You have to see the movie to get this)
17. I talk to other people in my head. I’ve had conversations with most of you in my head, things I’ll never have the guts to say. Sometimes, I write them down. And very rarely, I add them into my story.
18. Everything I blog has a hidden meaning. But you have to be REALLY clever and have a REALLY good memory, and a LOT of intuition to figure it out. When I read over my posts, I see the things other people didn’t, and I actually get a really good record of my life.
19. I think things through so much that I come to conclusions that are 50% wrong. I should give up this habit, but the 50% of the time I get it right, it really helps to be a step ahead of other people.
20. For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted a daughter. And I don’t mean, like, in the future, I mean, I’m ready to have a kid, like, tomorrow. My reason for wanting her being “I need to find someone who I can love, and not feel guilty about it. Someone I can give my entire self to, and have at least a bit of it returned. Someone I can take through life with me” (Quote from what I said at truth/dare at Annie’s party.)
21. The most inspirational person I’ve ever known is my grandfather. And the best compliment I have ever received from ANYONE was when he said, “that’s something I would have done when I was younger, I’m proud of you”
22. There’s something I really want to write, but I’m scared I’ll offend someone, so I’m not writing it. (But later on, I’ll look at this, and know what I’m thinking right now)
23. So far in life, I’ve found my Troy Bolton, my Romeo, and my Edward Cullen. (LOL!!) (In that order…). I think each person I meet is really a character to me. Sorry guys, you are only a character to me :L.
24. I check my emails at least 20 times a day. I only have an email one or two of those twenty, but every single one is worth it, so I keep checking. *logs into hotmail*
25. This is my biggest secret. You are not allowed to comment on anything associated with it, and you can only read if you are going to be objective.
Tagging: Everyone who reads this... again... because not even 25 people read it. I think 4 do. Maybe, possibly, 5. But that's still not many.
1. I once had the exact same dream about 2 very special people in my life, weird though, it only applied to one of them. So I kept thinking heaps about why it would apply to the other one, and ended up liking the one it didn’t apply to, even though I original liked the one it did apply to.
2. I haven’t had Limewire now for about 6 months, and haven’t been able to download music. This did not stop me learning the lyrics to EVERY Taylor Swift song on azlyrics.com
3. I’ve told people for about a year now that I want to marry an Italian. I changed my mind when my sister remembered that Italians are mummy’s boys, and my mum said Italian mother-in-laws are bitches. Now I want to marry someone with Hazel eyes (I’m so shallow!!)
4. I talk to myself more than I should, because my mind is always multitasking and can’t focus, so voicing things makes them easier to understand.
5. I often wonder what people think of me because I have such a random personality, I wonder how anyone could possibly juggle all of me, I’m so mood swingy.
6. You know those people who are really really funny? I hate them. Because I always laugh heaps and then feel like an idiot, and then I get embarrassed by being around them.
7. Everyday I work, I wear a ribbon in my hair. I do this for a particular person there. If he read this, he would know I was talking about him. (I’ve started wearing them at school too.)
8. Everytime I try and figure out what I want to be “when I grow up”, I meet someone who is living out my dream. I met the most recent one on Sunday, so right now, I’m stuck between dreams. I don’t wanna live in their shadow.
9. The person I’ve mentioned the most so far on this thingo, is the person in my life who I know the least. Don’t know their last name, don’t know where they live, what school they go to, anything!
10. I cry everyday. It’s the only thing guaranteed in my life. Not a smile, not a laugh, not a shred of hope, just a cry. Lately, I’ve been crying to the same song every night, because it regulates my life. It means that I don’t cry at any other point in time (I know, it’s weird), and I only cry to this song because it has meant so much to me ever since I read the lyrics. (My sister downloaded it, because I needed to hear it, because the lyrics were so cool, and omgsh, the song is even better).
11. I can’t wait till Valentine’s Eve. Even though the whole idea is stupid, I have 2 Valentines (only 1 knows :L), and I want to make them feel special. More than anything in the world.
12. I’ve always wanted to be a writer, and I’ve started writing lots of stories, but I never finish what I start, so they remain incomplete. Now I realise that if I’d discover blogging a few years ago, I would have all the half-stories documented, and it would be a beautiful little haven.
13. I am the best 13 player that you’ve met that isn’t Asian. :P
14. It's very weird for me that I’m a messy person, because I’m such a perfectionist. I think that I’m always looking into what I will do in the future, so I don’t have time to put things where they belong.
15. I love vegetables, I love simple foods. I don’t like most lollies, or chips, but I can’t be bothered to put effort into making food, so I eat things I don’t like.
16. (This is sort of from a movie) I’ve always wanted to make a snow angel. But I don’t want to leave a footprint in the snow when I leave. So, “With him, there’s not footprints” (You have to see the movie to get this)
17. I talk to other people in my head. I’ve had conversations with most of you in my head, things I’ll never have the guts to say. Sometimes, I write them down. And very rarely, I add them into my story.
18. Everything I blog has a hidden meaning. But you have to be REALLY clever and have a REALLY good memory, and a LOT of intuition to figure it out. When I read over my posts, I see the things other people didn’t, and I actually get a really good record of my life.
19. I think things through so much that I come to conclusions that are 50% wrong. I should give up this habit, but the 50% of the time I get it right, it really helps to be a step ahead of other people.
20. For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted a daughter. And I don’t mean, like, in the future, I mean, I’m ready to have a kid, like, tomorrow. My reason for wanting her being “I need to find someone who I can love, and not feel guilty about it. Someone I can give my entire self to, and have at least a bit of it returned. Someone I can take through life with me” (Quote from what I said at truth/dare at Annie’s party.)
21. The most inspirational person I’ve ever known is my grandfather. And the best compliment I have ever received from ANYONE was when he said, “that’s something I would have done when I was younger, I’m proud of you”
22. There’s something I really want to write, but I’m scared I’ll offend someone, so I’m not writing it. (But later on, I’ll look at this, and know what I’m thinking right now)
23. So far in life, I’ve found my Troy Bolton, my Romeo, and my Edward Cullen. (LOL!!) (In that order…). I think each person I meet is really a character to me. Sorry guys, you are only a character to me :L.
24. I check my emails at least 20 times a day. I only have an email one or two of those twenty, but every single one is worth it, so I keep checking. *logs into hotmail*
25. This is my biggest secret. You are not allowed to comment on anything associated with it, and you can only read if you are going to be objective.
Tagging: Everyone who reads this... again... because not even 25 people read it. I think 4 do. Maybe, possibly, 5. But that's still not many.
Subliminal Messager Extraordinaire
If you take a piece of something beautiful, and put it with all but a piece of something ugly, does the ugly become beautiful or does it remain as is? Does beauty have the strength to reign over ugly, no matter how much there is?
What if the ugly wants to beautiful, but has never had the courage, will it try?
I think it does. I think the ugly part will always copy the beautiful, until it ends up being beautiful, or until the beauty dies.
How does the beauty die? When it's original source of beauty is taken away; it fades, and when it is brought back, it shines. The ugly rejoices, and starts to reform... the ugly wants to feel true beauty.
What if the ugly wants to beautiful, but has never had the courage, will it try?
I think it does. I think the ugly part will always copy the beautiful, until it ends up being beautiful, or until the beauty dies.
How does the beauty die? When it's original source of beauty is taken away; it fades, and when it is brought back, it shines. The ugly rejoices, and starts to reform... the ugly wants to feel true beauty.
________________________
It’s Wednesday afternoon.
This feels weird. I have the house to myself, again, it feels… timeless. Like nothing has changed, like words have been unwritten, and thoughts have been unvoiced, like memories have been unremembered.
And so I stare… waiting… with hope diminishing by the second… because everything has changed… and I’m the only one who can’t see it.
The clock still ticks, as more time passes, pulling me further and further from the past, but the past will wait for me, and next week I will rebegin my voyage back, I will be unsuccessful, I am sure, but I will keep trying... the past owes me, and I am coming to collect.
Tuesday, 3 February 2009
A happy kind of day
I'm starting to believe in miracles - soulcages
Today has been one of those veryy happyful days.
You know, where you have, like, a permanent smile on your face, and then, peoples tell you all their issues, and you have some weird way of being able to figure them out.
happy at last, for how long? – mylittlesecret
DNM with Corinne:
Who knew I was full of suck wisdomosity? Hehe
"Wise" does not necessarily mean "experienced". - coulda.been.a.comet
Omgsh, funny moment from English:
Hancock: *trying to explain something to Tiana* You have to learn
Tiana: But sir, you can't teach... an old dog... new tricks? Is that the saying. I dunno, there's some thing that's like... yeah
Whole class: *Silence*
Sandy: You realise, you just called yourself a bitch!
Whole class: *cracks up laughing*
I deserve nothing that I have. – 1073
I KNOW! I'm starting to like my class. Which means I'm going to miss them next year. But I don't think I'll really miss anyone inparticular... just our general classyness, I mean like, we finally... work. How sad. Oh wells, I'll enjoy them for now :L
I'm still so smily!!
I swear, it's permanent. Everything is butterflies and rainbows.
You are my rose coloured glasses - Paige
OK, I'm actually bothering with doing my homework today (=O=O), so I should go and stick to that.
I'll see you under the moon ;)
Today has been one of those veryy happyful days.
You know, where you have, like, a permanent smile on your face, and then, peoples tell you all their issues, and you have some weird way of being able to figure them out.
happy at last, for how long? – mylittlesecret
DNM with Corinne:
It's because you're a deeper person than she is. So when you see something,
you don't just take it for granted, you dig, until you remove someone's mask and
can see what they are. Whilst, with her, what you see is what you get, and if
people refuse to show their true selves her, she doesn't look for them. THAT's
why she doesn't understand.
Who knew I was full of suck wisdomosity? Hehe
"Wise" does not necessarily mean "experienced". - coulda.been.a.comet
Omgsh, funny moment from English:
Hancock: *trying to explain something to Tiana* You have to learn
Tiana: But sir, you can't teach... an old dog... new tricks? Is that the saying. I dunno, there's some thing that's like... yeah
Whole class: *Silence*
Sandy: You realise, you just called yourself a bitch!
Whole class: *cracks up laughing*
I deserve nothing that I have. – 1073
I KNOW! I'm starting to like my class. Which means I'm going to miss them next year. But I don't think I'll really miss anyone inparticular... just our general classyness, I mean like, we finally... work. How sad. Oh wells, I'll enjoy them for now :L
I'm still so smily!!
I swear, it's permanent. Everything is butterflies and rainbows.
You are my rose coloured glasses - Paige
OK, I'm actually bothering with doing my homework today (=O=O), so I should go and stick to that.
I'll see you under the moon ;)
At least it was very graceful
By now, you've probably all heard the news that I fainted yesterday in ag. Yes, I think it's pretty funny too.
But it was a graceful faint, have people been mentioning that? They said they would.
Anyways, people keep asking WHY I fainted so I figured, instead of repeating myself I can just say "read my blog"(Not that they will anyway, but it's worth a shot)
OK, so reasons I fainted
1. It was hot. Very hot, we were out on the farm, and it was very hot.
2. I haven't been esting well lately, and have a severe lack of protein, due to me not being able to eat fat. This makes me very dizzy.
3. I don't like water. I don't drink water. Waer is not nice. My body doesn't function verywell without it though, clearly.
4. People were preg-testing cows. And without going into details, this was really grossing me out.
5. I couldn't sit down, because I dind't wanna sit on cow poo. Sure, laugh all you want, I know I ended up falling into it.
Thankyou to Courtney and Corinne for saving my life. x) (Especially Courtney)
Anyways, I should go, because, well, I don't have time to be writing this, I should be getting ready for school...
But it was a graceful faint, have people been mentioning that? They said they would.
Anyways, people keep asking WHY I fainted so I figured, instead of repeating myself I can just say "read my blog"(Not that they will anyway, but it's worth a shot)
OK, so reasons I fainted
1. It was hot. Very hot, we were out on the farm, and it was very hot.
2. I haven't been esting well lately, and have a severe lack of protein, due to me not being able to eat fat. This makes me very dizzy.
3. I don't like water. I don't drink water. Waer is not nice. My body doesn't function verywell without it though, clearly.
4. People were preg-testing cows. And without going into details, this was really grossing me out.
5. I couldn't sit down, because I dind't wanna sit on cow poo. Sure, laugh all you want, I know I ended up falling into it.
Thankyou to Courtney and Corinne for saving my life. x) (Especially Courtney)
Anyways, I should go, because, well, I don't have time to be writing this, I should be getting ready for school...
Sunday, 1 February 2009
Life is more simple in less words.
I just want to share some thoughts
And I thought, if I write them in memoirs, then, I can’t be held accountable for it, because it’s other peoples’ thoughts, not mine.
So yeah….
Here goes
Not photogenic. So I take pictures. – nepsamaiamaspen
Hate you? No, not even possible. – SkaterGirl
Holding hands and spining in circles. – coloredpencils
Thanks to you I have OCD. – CobbleStone
Trying very hard to not think. – randomperson
He's a pop-up in my brain. – couldabeenacomet
Why are my memoir's about him? – Anonymous.Secrets
Unhealthy obsession with comma's; need help. – writteninbraille
danced in the rain.got wet. – fuzzy-wuv
Not Cinderella, so no Prince Charming. – iamaspen
i do a lot of wishing – zyxa
Sometimes I wish you read these. – 1073
Throw rocks at my window, please? – couldabeenacomet
I'm not strong like the rest. – J600y
Now for my words, because no one quite gets it right (even though mine suck, you’ll read anyways :L):
If beauty is time, you're eternity.
Your name is my favourite melody.
Should take heart down from sleeve.
Why does it mean so much?
Smile! The stars are watching you!
I don't run anymore. I skip.
Let's over analyse our lives together.
Finally letting people see my soul.
Permanent smile from thinking of him.
Never wanted to be "normal" anyway...
Mum, I'm not here for you.
Smithteens. Feeling a lot like home.
You inspire me to be incredible.
I should just stop counting days... (291!!!)
Don't try to contol my life.
Resolution: Smile everyday for no reason.
In my dreams we dance together.
The stars sang as tears fell.
Rewriting my life. Including fairytale ending.
Teen romance now owes me one.
With courage, I'd run away tomorrow.
He's no vampire, just unbelievably beautiful.
Always been too preoccupied to smile.
Still wish on every first star.
Happiness: Paper, pen, cup of coffee.
My notebook is full of memoirs.
The wind sings me his song.
What if i ran? Far away.
Dare I use the word 'happy'?
Fell asleep at 11:12, day: complete.
Please come visit me in hell?
Oh, and here is some fabbity fab (Only May Lyn will get that, dammit) news:
Couldabeenacomet’s middle name is… (drum roll) RAE!!! How cool!! I knew there was an advantage to having a kath-and-kim-worthy name.
Oh yeah, and I was gonna link you guys to my thingamabobby now that it's all over and done with, but, on second thoughts, that's a very bad idea :L.
And I thought, if I write them in memoirs, then, I can’t be held accountable for it, because it’s other peoples’ thoughts, not mine.
So yeah….
Here goes
Not photogenic. So I take pictures. – nepsamaiamaspen
Hate you? No, not even possible. – SkaterGirl
Holding hands and spining in circles. – coloredpencils
Thanks to you I have OCD. – CobbleStone
Trying very hard to not think. – randomperson
He's a pop-up in my brain. – couldabeenacomet
Why are my memoir's about him? – Anonymous.Secrets
Unhealthy obsession with comma's; need help. – writteninbraille
danced in the rain.got wet. – fuzzy-wuv
Not Cinderella, so no Prince Charming. – iamaspen
i do a lot of wishing – zyxa
Sometimes I wish you read these. – 1073
Throw rocks at my window, please? – couldabeenacomet
I'm not strong like the rest. – J600y
Now for my words, because no one quite gets it right (even though mine suck, you’ll read anyways :L):
If beauty is time, you're eternity.
Your name is my favourite melody.
Should take heart down from sleeve.
Why does it mean so much?
Smile! The stars are watching you!
I don't run anymore. I skip.
Let's over analyse our lives together.
Finally letting people see my soul.
Permanent smile from thinking of him.
Never wanted to be "normal" anyway...
Mum, I'm not here for you.
Smithteens. Feeling a lot like home.
You inspire me to be incredible.
I should just stop counting days... (291!!!)
Don't try to contol my life.
Resolution: Smile everyday for no reason.
In my dreams we dance together.
The stars sang as tears fell.
Rewriting my life. Including fairytale ending.
Teen romance now owes me one.
With courage, I'd run away tomorrow.
He's no vampire, just unbelievably beautiful.
Always been too preoccupied to smile.
Still wish on every first star.
Happiness: Paper, pen, cup of coffee.
My notebook is full of memoirs.
The wind sings me his song.
What if i ran? Far away.
Dare I use the word 'happy'?
Fell asleep at 11:12, day: complete.
Please come visit me in hell?
Oh, and here is some fabbity fab (Only May Lyn will get that, dammit) news:
Couldabeenacomet’s middle name is… (drum roll) RAE!!! How cool!! I knew there was an advantage to having a kath-and-kim-worthy name.
Oh yeah, and I was gonna link you guys to my thingamabobby now that it's all over and done with, but, on second thoughts, that's a very bad idea :L.
Is conversationable I word? Didn't think so.
You are the indefinable. You are the definition. You are the conversationable; you , too, the conversation. You are the soon-to-be. You are the dream maker, the dream follower. You are the dream. You are the messenger, you are the message. You are the irony, you are the nightmare. You are the voice in my head. You are the first place my eyes look. You are the sunshine, you are the laughable. You are the annoyance, you are the shock. You are the exception to the unnecessary rule. You are the unnecessary. You are the coincidence, you are the mistake. You are the awkward silence, the awkward glance, the awkward comment.
You are the me. But you are the difference. You are the hope. But, the possible hope. You are the complication. But you create the resolution. You are the reason that I noticed that I’m just being stupid and stubborn, and lazy, and weak.
And we’ve never had more than a ten minute conversation.
You, the useless.
Lol, I think I made up some of those words. But they make sense in my head.
Hehe, don’t think about this too much or your heads will hurt, and no, you don’t know the person this is about. :L
But it's not important either, really, because I'm still gonna be stupid and stubborn and lazy and weak. Oh wells, I'll see you under the moon.
You are the me. But you are the difference. You are the hope. But, the possible hope. You are the complication. But you create the resolution. You are the reason that I noticed that I’m just being stupid and stubborn, and lazy, and weak.
And we’ve never had more than a ten minute conversation.
You, the useless.
Lol, I think I made up some of those words. But they make sense in my head.
Hehe, don’t think about this too much or your heads will hurt, and no, you don’t know the person this is about. :L
But it's not important either, really, because I'm still gonna be stupid and stubborn and lazy and weak. Oh wells, I'll see you under the moon.
Saturday, 31 January 2009
Clearly, I have too much to say
I have news.
No, really. I am not just blogging for the sake of it; I actually have something to say today.
I filled my entire memoir account!!
I know, I find it incredible myself.
I wrote 512 memoirs.
That’s, like, 3072 words. (I knew the calculator on the computer was good for something)
It’s exciting, isn’t it? I think so too.
Although, when you think about it, lots of them end up getting stuffed, so it’s only about, 503 memoirs. But that’s okay, because it’s still pretty damn good.
Yeah now I have nothing to say.
La di lah.
Hmm…
Oh wells, I have to get ready for work.
I’ll see you under the moon
PS: I’ll explain that one day I promise
PPS: I bought my creating connections kiddies lollies today!! Oh, I’m so generous. :)
PPPS: I got a haircut today!! Now it’s all awesome and not so annoying
PPPPS: I’m rinsing it black sometime this weekend too, because, well, I’m cool. :P
No, really. I am not just blogging for the sake of it; I actually have something to say today.
I filled my entire memoir account!!
I know, I find it incredible myself.
I wrote 512 memoirs.
That’s, like, 3072 words. (I knew the calculator on the computer was good for something)
It’s exciting, isn’t it? I think so too.
Although, when you think about it, lots of them end up getting stuffed, so it’s only about, 503 memoirs. But that’s okay, because it’s still pretty damn good.
Yeah now I have nothing to say.
La di lah.
Hmm…
Oh wells, I have to get ready for work.
I’ll see you under the moon
PS: I’ll explain that one day I promise
PPS: I bought my creating connections kiddies lollies today!! Oh, I’m so generous. :)
PPPS: I got a haircut today!! Now it’s all awesome and not so annoying
PPPPS: I’m rinsing it black sometime this weekend too, because, well, I’m cool. :P
Friday, 30 January 2009
Because I can't help myself
I do this because I'm insane. Tagged by ML.
Dear Rosa,
I don’t really know how to tell you this, but our romance is over. I think I realized it when your dog ran amok as you ate an enchilada and I saw you carve your initials into the crazy monk. I’m sure you’re scarred enough to understand that there is no solution to this. I’m returning the pictures from L.A to you, but I’ll keep your neighbour, Martin as a memory. You should also know that I always will remember the apartment building .
Go and drown yourself,
Ebony
RULES:
Do the “Letter MEME”. Tag no less than 5 other people, and leave them a comment, informing them that they have been tagged. Then copy the “How-to” Letter Meme, and finish your Journal entry.->
How you do the Letter Meme:
Dear (the last person who left a comment on your journal):
I don’t really know how to tell you this, but ___1___. I think I realized it ___2___ ___3___ and I saw you ___4___ ___5___. I’m sure you’re ___6___ enough to understand ___7___. I’m returning ___8___ to you, but I’ll keep ___9___ as a memory. You should also know that I ___10___ ___11___ .
___12___,
-Your name-
1. What’s the color of your shirt?
Blue - Our romance is over
Red - Our affair is over
White - I’ll join the monastery
Black - I dislike you
Green - Our horoscope doesn’t match
Grey - You’re a pervert
Yellow - I’m selling myself
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - You’re a loser
Other - I’m in love with your sister
2. Which is your birth month?
January - That night
February - Last year
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on sesame seeds
May - First of May
June - When you put cuffs on me
July - When I threw up
August - When I saw the shrunken head
September - When we skinny dipped
October - When I quoted Santa
November - When your dog ran amok
December - When I changed tennis shoes
3. Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Pizza - In your camping car
Pasta - Outside of Chicago
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad - As you ate enchilada
Chicken - In your closet
Kabob - With Paris Hilton
Fish - In women’s clothing
Sandwiches - At the Hare Krishna graduation
Lasagna - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a state of trance
None of the above - With George Bush and his wife
4. What’s the color of your socks?
Yellow - Hit on
Red - Insult
Black - Ignore
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - Put leeches on
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the toupee off
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive out
5. What’s the color of your underwear?
Black - My best friend
White - My father
Grey - Bill Clinton
Brown - My fart balloon
Purple - My mustard soufflé
Red - Donald Duck
Blue - My avocado plant
Yellow - My penpal in Ghana
Orange - My Kid Rock-collection
Pink - Manchester United’s goalkeeper
None - My John F. Kennedy-statue
Other - The crazy monk
6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?
Scrubs - Man
O.C. - Emotional
One Tree Hill - Open
Heroes - Frostbitten
Lost - High
House - Scarred
Simpsons - Cowardly
The news - Mongolic
Idol - Masochistic
Family Guy - Senile
Top Model - Middle-class
None of the above - Ashamed
7. Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful I’ve felt
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That Santa doesn’t exist
Angry - That your pimples are at the last stage
Depressed - That we’re cousins
Excited - That there is no solution to this.
Nervous - The middle-east
Worried - That your Honda sucks
Apathetic - That I did a sex-change
Ashamed - That I’m allergic to your hamster
Cuddly - That I get turned on by garbage men
Overjoyous - That I’m open
Other - That Extreme Home Makeover sucks
8. What’s the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your ring
Yellow - Your love letters
Red - Your Darth Vader-poster
Black - Your tame stone
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - The pictures from LA
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your contact book
Grey - Our matching snoopy-bibs
Purple - Your old lottery coupons
Pink - The cut toenails
Other - Your memories from the military service
9. The first letter of your first name?
A/B - Your photo
C/D - The oil stocks
E/F - Your neighbour Martin
G/H - My virginity
I/J - The results of your blood-sample
K/L - Your left ear
M/N - Your suicide note
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X - David’s tricot outfits
Y/Z - Your grades from college
10. The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Always will remember
C/D - Never will forget
E/F - Always wanted to break
G/H - Never openly mocked
I/J - Always have felt dirty before
K/L - Will tell the authorities about
M/N - Told in my confession today about
O/P - Was interviewed by the Times about
Q/R - Told my psychiatrist about
S/T - Get sick when I think of
U/V - Always will try to forget
W/X - Am better off
/Z - Never liked
11. What do you prefer to drink?
Water- Our friendship
Beer - Senility
Soft drink - A new life as a clone
Soda - The incarnation as an eskimo
Milk - The apartment building
Wine - Cocaine abuse
Cider - A passionate interest for mice
Juice - Oprah Winfrey imitations
Mineral water - Embarrassing rash
Hot chocolate - Eggplant-fetishism
Whisky - To ruin the second world war
Other - To hate the Boston Celtics
12. To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand - Warm regards
USA - Best regards
England - Good luck on your short-term leave from jail
Spain - Go and drown yourself
China - Disgusting regards
Germany - With ease
Japan - Go burn
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
Australia - Greetings to your frog LeonardEgypt - Fuck off now
France - In pain
Other - Greetings to your freaky family
OK, i think only five people actually read my blog, so you've all been tagged. :L
Now copy it, and do it yourself!!
Dear Rosa,
I don’t really know how to tell you this, but our romance is over. I think I realized it when your dog ran amok as you ate an enchilada and I saw you carve your initials into the crazy monk. I’m sure you’re scarred enough to understand that there is no solution to this. I’m returning the pictures from L.A to you, but I’ll keep your neighbour, Martin as a memory. You should also know that I always will remember the apartment building .
Go and drown yourself,
Ebony
RULES:
Do the “Letter MEME”. Tag no less than 5 other people, and leave them a comment, informing them that they have been tagged. Then copy the “How-to” Letter Meme, and finish your Journal entry.->
How you do the Letter Meme:
Dear (the last person who left a comment on your journal):
I don’t really know how to tell you this, but ___1___. I think I realized it ___2___ ___3___ and I saw you ___4___ ___5___. I’m sure you’re ___6___ enough to understand ___7___. I’m returning ___8___ to you, but I’ll keep ___9___ as a memory. You should also know that I ___10___ ___11___ .
___12___,
-Your name-
1. What’s the color of your shirt?
Blue - Our romance is over
Red - Our affair is over
White - I’ll join the monastery
Black - I dislike you
Green - Our horoscope doesn’t match
Grey - You’re a pervert
Yellow - I’m selling myself
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - You’re a loser
Other - I’m in love with your sister
2. Which is your birth month?
January - That night
February - Last year
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on sesame seeds
May - First of May
June - When you put cuffs on me
July - When I threw up
August - When I saw the shrunken head
September - When we skinny dipped
October - When I quoted Santa
November - When your dog ran amok
December - When I changed tennis shoes
3. Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Pizza - In your camping car
Pasta - Outside of Chicago
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad - As you ate enchilada
Chicken - In your closet
Kabob - With Paris Hilton
Fish - In women’s clothing
Sandwiches - At the Hare Krishna graduation
Lasagna - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a state of trance
None of the above - With George Bush and his wife
4. What’s the color of your socks?
Yellow - Hit on
Red - Insult
Black - Ignore
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - Put leeches on
Orange - Castrate
Pink - Pull the toupee off
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive out
5. What’s the color of your underwear?
Black - My best friend
White - My father
Grey - Bill Clinton
Brown - My fart balloon
Purple - My mustard soufflé
Red - Donald Duck
Blue - My avocado plant
Yellow - My penpal in Ghana
Orange - My Kid Rock-collection
Pink - Manchester United’s goalkeeper
None - My John F. Kennedy-statue
Other - The crazy monk
6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?
Scrubs - Man
O.C. - Emotional
One Tree Hill - Open
Heroes - Frostbitten
Lost - High
House - Scarred
Simpsons - Cowardly
The news - Mongolic
Idol - Masochistic
Family Guy - Senile
Top Model - Middle-class
None of the above - Ashamed
7. Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful I’ve felt
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That Santa doesn’t exist
Angry - That your pimples are at the last stage
Depressed - That we’re cousins
Excited - That there is no solution to this.
Nervous - The middle-east
Worried - That your Honda sucks
Apathetic - That I did a sex-change
Ashamed - That I’m allergic to your hamster
Cuddly - That I get turned on by garbage men
Overjoyous - That I’m open
Other - That Extreme Home Makeover sucks
8. What’s the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your ring
Yellow - Your love letters
Red - Your Darth Vader-poster
Black - Your tame stone
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - The pictures from LA
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your contact book
Grey - Our matching snoopy-bibs
Purple - Your old lottery coupons
Pink - The cut toenails
Other - Your memories from the military service
9. The first letter of your first name?
A/B - Your photo
C/D - The oil stocks
E/F - Your neighbour Martin
G/H - My virginity
I/J - The results of your blood-sample
K/L - Your left ear
M/N - Your suicide note
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X - David’s tricot outfits
Y/Z - Your grades from college
10. The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Always will remember
C/D - Never will forget
E/F - Always wanted to break
G/H - Never openly mocked
I/J - Always have felt dirty before
K/L - Will tell the authorities about
M/N - Told in my confession today about
O/P - Was interviewed by the Times about
Q/R - Told my psychiatrist about
S/T - Get sick when I think of
U/V - Always will try to forget
W/X - Am better off
/Z - Never liked
11. What do you prefer to drink?
Water- Our friendship
Beer - Senility
Soft drink - A new life as a clone
Soda - The incarnation as an eskimo
Milk - The apartment building
Wine - Cocaine abuse
Cider - A passionate interest for mice
Juice - Oprah Winfrey imitations
Mineral water - Embarrassing rash
Hot chocolate - Eggplant-fetishism
Whisky - To ruin the second world war
Other - To hate the Boston Celtics
12. To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand - Warm regards
USA - Best regards
England - Good luck on your short-term leave from jail
Spain - Go and drown yourself
China - Disgusting regards
Germany - With ease
Japan - Go burn
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
Australia - Greetings to your frog LeonardEgypt - Fuck off now
France - In pain
Other - Greetings to your freaky family
OK, i think only five people actually read my blog, so you've all been tagged. :L
Now copy it, and do it yourself!!
I know someone famous!
Today's blog has to include Alvi, because I told him on the bus today thay he should read my blog, and he says he doesn't read anyone's blog, but we all know he reads Amy's, and he says that's cuz she writes about him. So today, I am writing about Alvi (and he's gonna read it, HI ALVI!!).
If you guys have ever heard of him, it's probably because he's "Amy's friend" but he was actually my friend first. I met him in primary and now he catches my bus twice a week, and that's how he met Amy, one day when she was coming home with me.
Also, here's something cool, Alvi is going to be in All Saints, in 10 episodes time as Injured Guy's Best Friend. WATCH IT!!! He got paid $400 for it (But I won't hold that against him). Anyways, yay for Alvi.
But I have nothing else to say, really, I just wanted to keep up my posting everyday of recent times (and mention Alvi). I'm really tired actually, mainly because I'm not eating...
Oh yeah, I'm sick, again.
Ever since I went to this weird Thai food restaurant in Coolangatta (TRY AND SAY THAT WITHOUT SOUDING BOGAN). Anyways, now I'm getting really nauseous, so I've stopped eating things with fat or dairy in them. Yes, that's like, everything. Except lollies. And soft drink. Which I don't even like.
So yeah, I haven't had a meal in about 4 days or so, so now I'm really tired, and weak. Le sigh.
Oh wells, I have to go...
I'll see you under the moon.
If you guys have ever heard of him, it's probably because he's "Amy's friend" but he was actually my friend first. I met him in primary and now he catches my bus twice a week, and that's how he met Amy, one day when she was coming home with me.
Also, here's something cool, Alvi is going to be in All Saints, in 10 episodes time as Injured Guy's Best Friend. WATCH IT!!! He got paid $400 for it (But I won't hold that against him). Anyways, yay for Alvi.
But I have nothing else to say, really, I just wanted to keep up my posting everyday of recent times (and mention Alvi). I'm really tired actually, mainly because I'm not eating...
Oh yeah, I'm sick, again.
Ever since I went to this weird Thai food restaurant in Coolangatta (TRY AND SAY THAT WITHOUT SOUDING BOGAN). Anyways, now I'm getting really nauseous, so I've stopped eating things with fat or dairy in them. Yes, that's like, everything. Except lollies. And soft drink. Which I don't even like.
So yeah, I haven't had a meal in about 4 days or so, so now I'm really tired, and weak. Le sigh.
Oh wells, I have to go...
I'll see you under the moon.
Thursday, 29 January 2009
Maybe there's some sort of 12 step program...
stupid hormones.
Stupid Hormones!
STUPID HORMONES!!
- itsleahfersure
Yeah, that's sort of all I wanted to say...
Bye then. I'll see you under the moon.
Stupid Hormones!
STUPID HORMONES!!
- itsleahfersure
Yeah, that's sort of all I wanted to say...
Bye then. I'll see you under the moon.
Wednesday, 28 January 2009
Unspeakable words I choose to write
‘One of the hardest things in life
is having words in your heart
that you cannot utter.’
So, for just one blog, I am going to utter the unutterable. And I am going to try very hard not to care what people think when they read it.
(This blog has actually been a long time in the making, but one day I got all pissy and deleted the stuff I was gonna write, so it’s all new and not very good, sorry)
Love disobeys all rules.
It’s the one thing that science can’t explain
And when people ask “what’s the reason for life?”, love is the only thing they can’t argue with.
Maybe that’s what makes it beautiful, the fact that it’s magical. It is totally unparallel to every other feeling. It does not conform to fit in with the rest of our world. It allows itself freedom and beauty. The only thing that really is beautiful.
You build up this defence so that no one sees you weak, you appear strong and powerful, and you feel it too. And then someone comes along and destroys it all in a single breath. And it’s not like you asked for it. Oh no, love doesn’t work like that, it doesn’t even make sense. You didn’t do anything to make this happen. They didn’t do anything either, except maybe something stupid like smile. And then you’re weak, weaker than you’ve ever been before. And you’re in pain. And it sets your soul on fire. So that you can’t bear the pain, and the only remedy is to think of them. Every second of everyday. To see parts of them in every part of the world. And then it doesn’t matter when you’re in pain… you just think of them, and everything is okay.
… I am such an idiot. :L
(Read in a British accent [HughGrant-esque])
"Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow airport. General opinion makes out that we live in a world of hatred and greed - but I don't see that – it seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there: fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from people on board were messages of hate or revenge; they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love, actually, is all around.”
I just spent 10 minutes looking for that quote so you read it, okay?? (It’s the opening lines of loveactually.)
(To view it with the video, click here)
(Steals from Lizzie)
After awhile, you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. You learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security. You begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises. You begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child. You learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans. After a while, you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. You learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong, and that you really do have worth. You learn that with every goodbye, there's a hello.
I don't care how many fish there are in the sea.
I don't want a fish.
I want you.
What if I don’t care how you feel about me? What if it doesn’t matter if we “want different things”? What if I just want to be happy? What if I just want someone to think about that will make me smile instead of cry? So, what you say doesn’t really make a difference, I don’t need you to love me, or even like me, I just need you to let me love you. Because I’ve never been this happy before. And I don’t know if it’s because of you, I just know that you light up my life, everytime I talk to you. And I’m willing to give everything to keep those few opportunities I get to smile. I can’t explain how wonderful you make me feel, I just want to hold onto this feeling for as long as possible.
I think I love you too much, and it’s wrong, and you can’t deal with wrong, and so one of us is going to get hurt…again. Every part of me screams “Not him! Please, just not him!” and yet, I feel I can’t hurt myself over you again, because it would make me lose faith. In love, in God, in fate, in karma, in life. Still, that wouldn’t be as bad as hurting you… so I’ll just wait for you to break me.
(Steal from Amy)
Love is hurting like hell when you know they don’t love you back, but you still love them the same.
Love is not about being in a relationship, its about wanting to be a part of someone's life... unconsciously, non-stop
Love is when you finish being totally obsessed over someone and you just want to be there for them
Love is not the craving for something with them... it’s the craving for them... for them to be happy
Love is when you’re 1000 miles away, and your heart is tearing into bits
Love is... making me slowly drive insane
Love is not thinking about them every second, its thinking about them every millisecond
Love is walking a little longer, just to see the smile on their face
Love is feeling empty every night because you’re not with them
Love is a distraction when it comes to maths
Love is when a song plays; you twist the words to fit perfectly in your mind to make it sound like they are singing it
Love is... making my cheeks permanently red
Love is when you read a poem and you think that every poem is written just for you both to share
Love is seeing a new text message and wishing it was them sending it to you
Love is when you GET that text message from them, and you just look at it and breathe in and out and just stare at it for a while before you give in to the phone vibrating and open the message =)
Love is sitting at the computer all day, wishing they would go online just for a second
Love is when you see something cute... you think of them
Love is... making me a bit of a fool
Love is every one of those things and so much more
You know what? No. Not anymore. I disagree, I am not in love with you. I was, and now I just…
Wow, it’s so hard to explain.
I need for you to be happy. And everytime I see you’re hurt, I ache for me to be the person to make you happy. Whether it’s because I want you to love me, or because I know that if I help someone so flawless, I become a better person and I actually do the right thing, I’m not sure. I just know that it’s unbearable. That’s why I’m writing this. Because if I could just live with it, I would, but I can’t. Because I want someone to say “I know what you’re going through”, or “it’s okay, you won’t always feel like that”, or “do you need a hug?” Because I need someone to understand.. Because I need you to know…More than that… I need you to care.
You know how people block out particularly hazardous memories? I don’t remember a whole month of my life. Since then, I’ve heard that I was pretty messed up. That I didn’t smile, that I randomly stared into space, even that I randomly cried, that people would ask me questions over and over, and never get my full attention. And my sister… she still asks what happened, she said, it was awful, that she’d never seen me like that.
I don’t remember, I’ve never been able to remember. I don’t want to.
I can’t do it again.
And I’m being selfish, and immature, and unfair and… foolish.
And I don’t care.
Because more than anything I need you to understand this, and I need you to care, at least a tiny bit, how I feel.
Just… don’t… leave.
And I’m scared.
I’m really, really scared.
Of everything.
I’m scared of how you’ll react to this.
I’m scared of what other people think of me for being so stupid.
I’m scared I’m lying to myself.
I’m scared of what you think of me.
I’m scared of losing you.
I’m scared that there’s nothing to lose.
I’m scared of life.
I want those 3 weeks.
The ones you’ve probably forgotten about.
And the person who offered me them.
Who you have also probably forgotten about.
Or those 3 wishes.
You’ve probably forgotten about those too…
And yes, I know what you’re gonna say, but…
Thought you should know,
I’ve tried my best to let go of you,
But I don’t want to
I dunno if I even wanna post this, because I’m sure I’ll regret it… but I don’t backspace anymore, so, I guess it’s set in stone.
Well, here goes nothing.
is having words in your heart
that you cannot utter.’
So, for just one blog, I am going to utter the unutterable. And I am going to try very hard not to care what people think when they read it.
(This blog has actually been a long time in the making, but one day I got all pissy and deleted the stuff I was gonna write, so it’s all new and not very good, sorry)
Love disobeys all rules.
It’s the one thing that science can’t explain
And when people ask “what’s the reason for life?”, love is the only thing they can’t argue with.
Maybe that’s what makes it beautiful, the fact that it’s magical. It is totally unparallel to every other feeling. It does not conform to fit in with the rest of our world. It allows itself freedom and beauty. The only thing that really is beautiful.
You build up this defence so that no one sees you weak, you appear strong and powerful, and you feel it too. And then someone comes along and destroys it all in a single breath. And it’s not like you asked for it. Oh no, love doesn’t work like that, it doesn’t even make sense. You didn’t do anything to make this happen. They didn’t do anything either, except maybe something stupid like smile. And then you’re weak, weaker than you’ve ever been before. And you’re in pain. And it sets your soul on fire. So that you can’t bear the pain, and the only remedy is to think of them. Every second of everyday. To see parts of them in every part of the world. And then it doesn’t matter when you’re in pain… you just think of them, and everything is okay.
… I am such an idiot. :L
(Read in a British accent [HughGrant-esque])
"Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow airport. General opinion makes out that we live in a world of hatred and greed - but I don't see that – it seems to me that love is everywhere. Often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there: fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from people on board were messages of hate or revenge; they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love, actually, is all around.”
I just spent 10 minutes looking for that quote so you read it, okay?? (It’s the opening lines of loveactually.)
(To view it with the video, click here)
(Steals from Lizzie)
After awhile, you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. You learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security. You begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises. You begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child. You learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans. After a while, you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. You learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong, and that you really do have worth. You learn that with every goodbye, there's a hello.
I don't care how many fish there are in the sea.
I don't want a fish.
I want you.
What if I don’t care how you feel about me? What if it doesn’t matter if we “want different things”? What if I just want to be happy? What if I just want someone to think about that will make me smile instead of cry? So, what you say doesn’t really make a difference, I don’t need you to love me, or even like me, I just need you to let me love you. Because I’ve never been this happy before. And I don’t know if it’s because of you, I just know that you light up my life, everytime I talk to you. And I’m willing to give everything to keep those few opportunities I get to smile. I can’t explain how wonderful you make me feel, I just want to hold onto this feeling for as long as possible.
I think I love you too much, and it’s wrong, and you can’t deal with wrong, and so one of us is going to get hurt…again. Every part of me screams “Not him! Please, just not him!” and yet, I feel I can’t hurt myself over you again, because it would make me lose faith. In love, in God, in fate, in karma, in life. Still, that wouldn’t be as bad as hurting you… so I’ll just wait for you to break me.
(Steal from Amy)
Love is hurting like hell when you know they don’t love you back, but you still love them the same.
Love is not about being in a relationship, its about wanting to be a part of someone's life... unconsciously, non-stop
Love is when you finish being totally obsessed over someone and you just want to be there for them
Love is not the craving for something with them... it’s the craving for them... for them to be happy
Love is when you’re 1000 miles away, and your heart is tearing into bits
Love is... making me slowly drive insane
Love is not thinking about them every second, its thinking about them every millisecond
Love is walking a little longer, just to see the smile on their face
Love is feeling empty every night because you’re not with them
Love is a distraction when it comes to maths
Love is when a song plays; you twist the words to fit perfectly in your mind to make it sound like they are singing it
Love is... making my cheeks permanently red
Love is when you read a poem and you think that every poem is written just for you both to share
Love is seeing a new text message and wishing it was them sending it to you
Love is when you GET that text message from them, and you just look at it and breathe in and out and just stare at it for a while before you give in to the phone vibrating and open the message =)
Love is sitting at the computer all day, wishing they would go online just for a second
Love is when you see something cute... you think of them
Love is... making me a bit of a fool
Love is every one of those things and so much more
You know what? No. Not anymore. I disagree, I am not in love with you. I was, and now I just…
Wow, it’s so hard to explain.
I need for you to be happy. And everytime I see you’re hurt, I ache for me to be the person to make you happy. Whether it’s because I want you to love me, or because I know that if I help someone so flawless, I become a better person and I actually do the right thing, I’m not sure. I just know that it’s unbearable. That’s why I’m writing this. Because if I could just live with it, I would, but I can’t. Because I want someone to say “I know what you’re going through”, or “it’s okay, you won’t always feel like that”, or “do you need a hug?” Because I need someone to understand.. Because I need you to know…More than that… I need you to care.
You know how people block out particularly hazardous memories? I don’t remember a whole month of my life. Since then, I’ve heard that I was pretty messed up. That I didn’t smile, that I randomly stared into space, even that I randomly cried, that people would ask me questions over and over, and never get my full attention. And my sister… she still asks what happened, she said, it was awful, that she’d never seen me like that.
I don’t remember, I’ve never been able to remember. I don’t want to.
I can’t do it again.
And I’m being selfish, and immature, and unfair and… foolish.
And I don’t care.
Because more than anything I need you to understand this, and I need you to care, at least a tiny bit, how I feel.
Just… don’t… leave.
And I’m scared.
I’m really, really scared.
Of everything.
I’m scared of how you’ll react to this.
I’m scared of what other people think of me for being so stupid.
I’m scared I’m lying to myself.
I’m scared of what you think of me.
I’m scared of losing you.
I’m scared that there’s nothing to lose.
I’m scared of life.
I want those 3 weeks.
The ones you’ve probably forgotten about.
And the person who offered me them.
Who you have also probably forgotten about.
Or those 3 wishes.
You’ve probably forgotten about those too…
And yes, I know what you’re gonna say, but…
Thought you should know,
I’ve tried my best to let go of you,
But I don’t want to
I dunno if I even wanna post this, because I’m sure I’ll regret it… but I don’t backspace anymore, so, I guess it’s set in stone.
Well, here goes nothing.
I am halfway through writing about my holiday, and if I don't write this half, I'll never get any of it done. Don't read it if you don't wann, it's not all that exciting. I just want something that I can remember my holiday by.
Enjoy.
Oh, and don't ask about the countdown, if you guys haven't figured it out yet, you never will, and I will never tell you :P.
Day 1
14-01-09
Countdown: 309
Left home eventually at 11:45. Listened to my brilliant homemade CD in car. Stopped at Hungry Jack’s for lunch which made my Dad’s day. Arrived at Laurieton at 6:00 to everyone’s shock. Had dinner, caught up with people, and went to sleep.
Day 2
15-01-09
Countdown: 308
Bratty children and yappy dogs woke everyone up at 7:30. Continued pretending (to myself an others) to be asleep until 10. Got up, had breakfast. Got changed, headed off to Port. Had a coffee, went shopping, and retained my title as The World’s Best Window Shopper. Went back to the house to visit Shaarn, then hit the beach. Went to pool where Shaarn was working. Then had pizza and went to kids’ bingo (‘cause we had little kids there too) (we totally rocked the 8 year olds in karaoke)
Day 3
16-01-09
Countdown: 307
Woke up, packed car and headed off. Stopped by a bakery (some of us forgot breakfast) and then drove to Hat Head. Family went snorkeling whilst I built a sandcastle :L. Then we drove to Coffs, caught up with fam friends, and went to sleep.
Day 4
17-01-09
Countdown: 306
Woke up. Had breakfast. Drove out to Park Beach Plaza. Bought Michael Buble’s “Call me Irresponsible” for $10. Had lunch at subway (I dunno if you guys know how much I love subway, but seriously, if you could marry a sandwich…). Then bought food for dinner, went back to the house and ate. Talked a lot, played Pictionary and Buzz, and eventually went to sleep.
Day 5
18-01-09
Countdown: 305
Woke up, got dressed. Talked a lot. Ate all through the morning until 1:30 when we went to the butterfly farm. Quickly stopped by beach on way home. Had random meal and played Taboo and Buzz, before heading off to sleep.
Day 6
19-01-09
Countdown: 304
Woke up. Packed car. Started very long drive and listened to 70s CDs. Stopped at Ballina for lunch. We had salad. And ate them on the water. Also stopped quickly at Byron Bay (now that’s my kind of place). Finally arrived at Burleigh and checked in at 4:45. Walked to Coles to buy food, and the Noodle Box for dinner. Went home, ate and slept.
Day 7
20-01-09
Countdown: 303
Woke up at 7 (Which is 8, Sydney time). When everyone was awake, we went down to the pool. Also tried out the spa and sauna (my pores are clean now :S) Walked across the road to the beach. Remember that I hate the beach. Went back to apartment. Watched the world go by, then went down to the pool to read. After that, we went shopping at Pacific Fair (this is the world’s best shopping centre, trust me). Then we had a coffee, and went home. Me, Mum + Nikki made dinner. I wrote random thoughts (and memoirs!) then went to sleep.
Enjoy.
Oh, and don't ask about the countdown, if you guys haven't figured it out yet, you never will, and I will never tell you :P.
Day 1
14-01-09
Countdown: 309
Left home eventually at 11:45. Listened to my brilliant homemade CD in car. Stopped at Hungry Jack’s for lunch which made my Dad’s day. Arrived at Laurieton at 6:00 to everyone’s shock. Had dinner, caught up with people, and went to sleep.
Day 2
15-01-09
Countdown: 308
Bratty children and yappy dogs woke everyone up at 7:30. Continued pretending (to myself an others) to be asleep until 10. Got up, had breakfast. Got changed, headed off to Port. Had a coffee, went shopping, and retained my title as The World’s Best Window Shopper. Went back to the house to visit Shaarn, then hit the beach. Went to pool where Shaarn was working. Then had pizza and went to kids’ bingo (‘cause we had little kids there too) (we totally rocked the 8 year olds in karaoke)
Day 3
16-01-09
Countdown: 307
Woke up, packed car and headed off. Stopped by a bakery (some of us forgot breakfast) and then drove to Hat Head. Family went snorkeling whilst I built a sandcastle :L. Then we drove to Coffs, caught up with fam friends, and went to sleep.
Day 4
17-01-09
Countdown: 306
Woke up. Had breakfast. Drove out to Park Beach Plaza. Bought Michael Buble’s “Call me Irresponsible” for $10. Had lunch at subway (I dunno if you guys know how much I love subway, but seriously, if you could marry a sandwich…). Then bought food for dinner, went back to the house and ate. Talked a lot, played Pictionary and Buzz, and eventually went to sleep.
Day 5
18-01-09
Countdown: 305
Woke up, got dressed. Talked a lot. Ate all through the morning until 1:30 when we went to the butterfly farm. Quickly stopped by beach on way home. Had random meal and played Taboo and Buzz, before heading off to sleep.
Day 6
19-01-09
Countdown: 304
Woke up. Packed car. Started very long drive and listened to 70s CDs. Stopped at Ballina for lunch. We had salad. And ate them on the water. Also stopped quickly at Byron Bay (now that’s my kind of place). Finally arrived at Burleigh and checked in at 4:45. Walked to Coles to buy food, and the Noodle Box for dinner. Went home, ate and slept.
Day 7
20-01-09
Countdown: 303
Woke up at 7 (Which is 8, Sydney time). When everyone was awake, we went down to the pool. Also tried out the spa and sauna (my pores are clean now :S) Walked across the road to the beach. Remember that I hate the beach. Went back to apartment. Watched the world go by, then went down to the pool to read. After that, we went shopping at Pacific Fair (this is the world’s best shopping centre, trust me). Then we had a coffee, and went home. Me, Mum + Nikki made dinner. I wrote random thoughts (and memoirs!) then went to sleep.
Tuesday, 27 January 2009
Return of the monster
Well, I’m back! (Just in case you’re too stupid to realise). And I have less than 24 till school, so I really shouldn’t be blogging, but I have a few revelations to share with you.
I come back a very different person to the one who left. I am happy with my self (which still feels weird), I love myself, actually, finally. It feels nice, to be at peace with myself, to know who I am and where I stand, and to be content with that.
I still haven’t made up my mind about a lot of things in my life, especially the direction it’s going, but I’ve decided that I will let my life live itself, and just made a few corrections along the way. After all, I have no idea how to do things the right way.
I walk different, I talk different, I think different, I even look different. I think this will take people a while to get used to. Remember: I am still me. The very crazy, very, very silly girl we all know and love. Just less crazy and more silly =)
I have lots to tell you about my holiday (which will hopefully go a lot better than last time), and I will do that… eventually.
So, I’ll be back. =). And until then… I’ll be thinking of you ;)
I come back a very different person to the one who left. I am happy with my self (which still feels weird), I love myself, actually, finally. It feels nice, to be at peace with myself, to know who I am and where I stand, and to be content with that.
I still haven’t made up my mind about a lot of things in my life, especially the direction it’s going, but I’ve decided that I will let my life live itself, and just made a few corrections along the way. After all, I have no idea how to do things the right way.
I walk different, I talk different, I think different, I even look different. I think this will take people a while to get used to. Remember: I am still me. The very crazy, very, very silly girl we all know and love. Just less crazy and more silly =)
I have lots to tell you about my holiday (which will hopefully go a lot better than last time), and I will do that… eventually.
So, I’ll be back. =). And until then… I’ll be thinking of you ;)
Sunday, 25 January 2009
Random.
It’s not with any of the other parts
PART CINCO
___________________ ___
PART CINCO
___________________ ___
A lot of that time I spent with Luke is blanked out in my mind. There were days I was so happy I would walk around in a daze. Speaking only when spoken to. Always singing of daydreaming or both. I remember waking up thinking “this is as good as it gets” and it was. I was living out my fairytale.
Luke and I didn’t spend every single second together. We balanced friends, family and school as well, only to reward ourselves with each other. That time was truly divine.
We weren’t like dream couples out of romance novels, because love didn’t rule our lives, we could be happy apart. We visited each other’s families together, and texted each other when we were apart. We shared jokes and stories; we were about so much more than romance. We inspired each other to do our best and never settle. And we did. We trusted each other so completely we became the best of friends.
I used to lie in bed at night and imagine his touch, and then dream of him. I woke up smiling. When I pictured him hugging me, I felt safe. And that’s how I became obsessed with him. But we kept our boundaries and our focus. In all honesty, we were the essence of perfection.
We agreed on all important issues, and bickered incessantly over the little things, such as what made a rainbow and why the sky was blue. In the end we’d agree to Google it, and we each enjoyed being proven right. But we were not competitive, just aching to learn more of each other, which we did, every single day.
_______________________
It’s sort of a summary… kinda.
Thursday, 22 January 2009
More of my silly story.
OK, this is totally separate to the rest of it (he’s still alive!!) it’s before the other stuff
PART CUATRO
PART CUATRO
________________________
“You cheated on me Luke!” Of course he was no different to all the others, how could I be so stupid?
“Yeah, but it wasn’t like that”
“Oh yeah? What was it like then?”
He looked frustrated, incapable of channelling his angst into something so simple as words. “You don’t get it, do you?” he asked me.
“Get what?”
“You’ve been loved your entire life! One guy to the next, there’s always been someone chasing after you”
“Get to the point, Luke” If he thought bringing up my less-than-perfect track record was gonna help his case, he was very wrong.
“I’ve NEVER been loved before you” Still hard to believe, but true.
“And?”
“And some days I think maybe you’ll wake up to what everyone else has seen, and fall out of love with me too. Sometimes I’m scared you’re just delusional, and I’m not really loveable.”
Delusional?
“I guess, just knowing that someone else COULD be interested in me, it was comforting”
Oh my goodness, how did he turn this back around on to me? And yet, it made such perfect sense.
“Nothing happened Elle, I promise”
Yeah, and I believed him. I always believed him.
“Forgive me?” How could I not??
“If you do something for me in return.”
“Anything”
I wrapped my arms around him in a huge hug, and leant my mouth to his ear. “Forgive me for overreacting?”
He turned to look at me, and smiled. “I love you Elle” And he leant in and kissed me.
“You cheated on me Luke!” Of course he was no different to all the others, how could I be so stupid?
“Yeah, but it wasn’t like that”
“Oh yeah? What was it like then?”
He looked frustrated, incapable of channelling his angst into something so simple as words. “You don’t get it, do you?” he asked me.
“Get what?”
“You’ve been loved your entire life! One guy to the next, there’s always been someone chasing after you”
“Get to the point, Luke” If he thought bringing up my less-than-perfect track record was gonna help his case, he was very wrong.
“I’ve NEVER been loved before you” Still hard to believe, but true.
“And?”
“And some days I think maybe you’ll wake up to what everyone else has seen, and fall out of love with me too. Sometimes I’m scared you’re just delusional, and I’m not really loveable.”
Delusional?
“I guess, just knowing that someone else COULD be interested in me, it was comforting”
Oh my goodness, how did he turn this back around on to me? And yet, it made such perfect sense.
“Nothing happened Elle, I promise”
Yeah, and I believed him. I always believed him.
“Forgive me?” How could I not??
“If you do something for me in return.”
“Anything”
I wrapped my arms around him in a huge hug, and leant my mouth to his ear. “Forgive me for overreacting?”
He turned to look at me, and smiled. “I love you Elle” And he leant in and kissed me.
________________________
Hehe, ok, you have to forgive the 12 year old part of me that wrote the ending :L
Hehe, ok, you have to forgive the 12 year old part of me that wrote the ending :L
Tuesday, 20 January 2009
I know it doesn't make sense...
This is Elle’s thoughts on Luke’s letter. =)
PART TRES
_______________________
He was right. I wouldn’t have read his letter, I was too mad at him. And I was insecure, which was why I questioned his feelings. I don’t know whether I will ever forgive myself for giving up my only shot at love for my insecurities, and I don’t know if I will ever meet another quite the same as Luke. He was inhumanely divine, everything I could possibly want, and yet, somehow, so much more than that.
Everyday I woke up questioning what he saw in me. What was the thing that drew him to me? And I did not trust myself enough to credit it to my heart. Searching for a way to feel good about myself, I lost the only person to make me feel just that. Strange how karma works, isn’t it?
_____________________
PART TRES
_______________________
He was right. I wouldn’t have read his letter, I was too mad at him. And I was insecure, which was why I questioned his feelings. I don’t know whether I will ever forgive myself for giving up my only shot at love for my insecurities, and I don’t know if I will ever meet another quite the same as Luke. He was inhumanely divine, everything I could possibly want, and yet, somehow, so much more than that.
Everyday I woke up questioning what he saw in me. What was the thing that drew him to me? And I did not trust myself enough to credit it to my heart. Searching for a way to feel good about myself, I lost the only person to make me feel just that. Strange how karma works, isn’t it?
_____________________
Sunday, 18 January 2009
Luke's Letter
Back to my story, now you can ready the letter.
PART DOS
________________________
Dear Elle,
I know you have little patience when it comes to shallow people, and you can’t bear the thought that I am one such person. The truth is, I don’t like your “prettiness” any more than any other part of you. I love you as a whole.
I don’t think ‘love’ is an adequate word, actually, because this feeling in me has gone beyond that. Your mind is my favourite place in the world. Exploring your thoughts each day is a thrill for me, finding out how you feel about everything is my favourite hobby. I love that you have the unbelievable wit to challenge everything I say, causing me to understand myself more every day.
I love that you have the compassion to want more for everyone around you when you can’t have more for yourself. I love that you are insecure enough to question how I feel about you, that you truly, humbly think that little of yourself. And I love the way you think I am worlds above you.
You are my life now, is what I’m trying to say. Without you there would be no purpose for everything I do. If I lose you for what I said the other day I could never forgive myself, and if you don’t take the time to read this, I fear you will never forgive me.
I love you. All of you. Every single part. Never question that.
Yours till the day I die,
Luke.
_______________________
PART DOS
________________________
Dear Elle,
I know you have little patience when it comes to shallow people, and you can’t bear the thought that I am one such person. The truth is, I don’t like your “prettiness” any more than any other part of you. I love you as a whole.
I don’t think ‘love’ is an adequate word, actually, because this feeling in me has gone beyond that. Your mind is my favourite place in the world. Exploring your thoughts each day is a thrill for me, finding out how you feel about everything is my favourite hobby. I love that you have the unbelievable wit to challenge everything I say, causing me to understand myself more every day.
I love that you have the compassion to want more for everyone around you when you can’t have more for yourself. I love that you are insecure enough to question how I feel about you, that you truly, humbly think that little of yourself. And I love the way you think I am worlds above you.
You are my life now, is what I’m trying to say. Without you there would be no purpose for everything I do. If I lose you for what I said the other day I could never forgive myself, and if you don’t take the time to read this, I fear you will never forgive me.
I love you. All of you. Every single part. Never question that.
Yours till the day I die,
Luke.
_______________________
We’re all going “NGAWWW” right now, aren’t we? :L
It’s a little bit too cheesy (as in 'Hang on a sec whilst I throw up')… but I dunno if I’ll change it or not. Who can be bothered??
Friday, 16 January 2009
For Entertainment Purposes...
Ok, so if I don’t blog during my holiday, I have officially failed at my Resolutions before January is even finished. And that is just pathetic (not completely unexpected, but still, pathetic). So I’m gonna write my story. However much of it I get written before I leave. =) And autopost it.
Ok, so I had this huge internal debate with myself, because, I don't know if I actually want any of you to read this, because my story is so personal to me...
And then I told myself to get over it and if people don't like it that's their problem, and that I'm just being insecure and stupid.
Part Uno
_________________________
… that was the last time I saw Luke Moore. Such a perfect being as he was, heaven claimed him the following morning, and I never got to say goodbye. I never got to say sorry, I never got to tell him that I loved him too.
I guess, after time, I understand what he meant that day. If I wasn’t pretty I would be different, and he saw me as being as untouchable as I saw him. I do have to admit that I loved him for his looks too. Moreover, I loved how he looked because it reminded me of who he was on the inside.
Sometime after that day, his family gave me his diary. In it, he had the draft of a letter he wrote that night, to me, it read as follows:
___________________________
Ehe, and now you have to wait to read the letter. Haha.
_________________________
… that was the last time I saw Luke Moore. Such a perfect being as he was, heaven claimed him the following morning, and I never got to say goodbye. I never got to say sorry, I never got to tell him that I loved him too.
I guess, after time, I understand what he meant that day. If I wasn’t pretty I would be different, and he saw me as being as untouchable as I saw him. I do have to admit that I loved him for his looks too. Moreover, I loved how he looked because it reminded me of who he was on the inside.
Sometime after that day, his family gave me his diary. In it, he had the draft of a letter he wrote that night, to me, it read as follows:
___________________________
Ehe, and now you have to wait to read the letter. Haha.
PS: I know, it’s gone all tragic. But it’s a nice tragic? Oh wait, you guys haven’t read the Prologue… I’ll write it for you later. :L Then you’ll get why he dies.
Saturday, 10 January 2009
Wow, I get crazier when I'm tired
I voted for sleep; writing won. – Nosygrrl
I feel bad for not posting much. Even though I warned you.
Do I am gonna write about The World’s Most Awesomest Songs, which is basically every song that I’m into at the moment. Warning: Tomorrow I may hate these songs, but that’s just what I’m like.
I’ll start with the most recent additions to my phone playlist… and then just randoms. (Soorry about my Westlife obsession, but they are sooooooo cooooool.)
Just as lost as everyone else. – ell-oh-vee-ee13
1. So Young – The Corrs. This song is cool
Best part: We are chasin' the moon
Just running wild and free
We are following through
Every dream and every need
And it really doesn't matter if we don't eat
And it really doesn't matter if we never sleep
No it really doesn't matter, really doesn't matter at all
Coz we are so young now
Watch sun dance across morning sky – cicada
2. What Can I Do – The Corrs.
Best part: I haven't slept at all in days
It's been so long since we've talked
And I have been here many times
I just don't know what I'm doing wrong
i think i think too much. – time4change
3. Would You Be Happier – The Corrs. (Only a little obsessed)
Best part: Did you ever wonder where the story ends, and how it all began,
I do
Did you ever dream you were the movie star with popcorn in your hand,
I did
Do you ever think you're someone else inside, when no one understands,
you are
And wanna disappear inside a dream but never wanna wake,
wake up
Then you stumble on tomorrow, and trip over today
Still stopping to smell the rainbows. – M. Ritchie
4. Gives You Hell – All American Rejects
Best part: Now you’ll never see, what you’ve done to me
You can take back your memories they’re no good to me
And here’s all your lies, you can look me in the eyes
With that sad, sad look that you wear so well
404: Life could not be found. – Ryan Harthkopf
5. Something Right – Westlife
Best part: If you want me I must be doing something right
I got nothing left to prove
And it's all because of you
So if you need me
And baby I make you feel alive
I know I must be doing
Doing something right
Does he think about me, too? - coulda.been.a.comet
6. Paper Bag – Anna Nalick (I know I wrote a lot, I’m sorry)
Best part: be so damn beautiful
Meanwhile I'll hide my head
Here in this paper bag
Cause if I cant see you
Then you can't see me
And it'll be okay
Fly little bee away
To where theres no more rain
And I can be me
Yeah they talk about her
She smiles like shes so tough
She says
"hey can you talk a little louder,
I don't think my heart is broken enough"
She tries hard not to cry – jenOHside
7. Mandy – Westlife (originally by some other dude… but who cares??)
Best part: The night goes into
Morning, just another day
Happy people pass my way
Looking in their eyes
I see a memory
I never realized
How happy you made me
i'm not allowed to love you... – Harriet Taylor
8. Flying Without Wings – Westlife
Best part: You'll find it in the deepest friendship
The kind you cherish all your life
And when you know how much that means
You've found that special thing
You're flying without wings
You breathe music? Yeah, me too. – singitloud
9. World of our own – Westlife (Anyone else sensing a pattern?)
Best part: We got a little world of our own
I'll tell you things that no one else knows
I let you in where no-one else goes
What am I doing without you?
And all of the things I've been looking for
Have always been here outside of my door
And all of the time I'm looking for something new
What am I doing without you?
Smile; Happy looks good on you. – Kaida
10. Unbreakable – Westlife
Best part: Swept away on a wave of emotion
Over caught in the eye of the storm
And whenever you smile
I can hardly believe that you're mine
He makes the words seem beautiful. – Snowdrop54
11. Loneliness Know Me By Name – Westlife
Best part: The love of my life, the love that I need
The love that they say is in life for free
The love of dreams, the love that I want
Loneliness knows me by name
find your song. then live it. - jace(slowhand)
12. Every little thing you do – Westlife
Best part: It's every little thing you do
That makes me fall in love with you
There isn't a way that I can show you
Ever since I've come to know you
It's every little thing you say
That makes me wanna feel this
There's not a thing that I can point to
'Cause it's every little thing you do
I know what I'm wishing for... – coulda.been.a.comet
13. No Place That Far – Westlife
Best part: If I had to run
If I had to crawl
If I had to swim a hundred rivers
Just to climb a thousand walls
Always know that I would find a way
To get to where you are
There's no place that far
For him, I'll trade them all. – edyka
14. Can’t Lose What You Never Had – Westlife
Best part: Fear of rejection, kept my love inside,
But time is running out, so damn my foolish pride,
I don't care if you think i'm crazy,
It doesn't matter if it turns out bad,
I've got no fear of losing you,
You can't lose what you never had
Find myself reflected by song lyrics. – Luise
And that is as much of my insanity as I am showing you today.
OK, so… I don’t really like my blog anymore. (But it’s green! Has anyone told me it’s green?). Because it makes me feel like I have to be something I’m not. :S. And I KNOW that’s stupid because I’m never anything (anyone?) I’m not here. I just…
I’m soo not a blog person.
I am a Keep Secrets To Myself and Intrigue People Because They Don’t Get Me person.
In fact, this blog wasn’t supposed to be… a blog. (I’ve lost it. Help, anyone?)
Does ANYONE remember why I made it??
If crazy is cool, I'm awesome – jenOHside
Of course not. Because now it is just a little piece of my mind that I get to share with people, and you assume that’s what it’s always been.
But ALL of my favourite posts (apart from the insane ones, because, well, I’m insane) were the ones that carried on the initial purpose of my blog. (Confused much?).
And those posts ended on November 22.
And ever since then this has been a bloggy-blog. AND I DON’T LIKE IT ANYMORE.
So I shall whinge and do nothing to change it. And you shall put up with my whinging and say ‘Why did you start it?’ and ‘You can be yourself Ebony’ and blah-di-blah. And sure, I can be myself, but I can’t be who I want to be.
(Yeah, NOW you’re thinking ;))
I'll never understand what that meant. – coulda.been.a.comet
I feel bad for not posting much. Even though I warned you.
Do I am gonna write about The World’s Most Awesomest Songs, which is basically every song that I’m into at the moment. Warning: Tomorrow I may hate these songs, but that’s just what I’m like.
I’ll start with the most recent additions to my phone playlist… and then just randoms. (Soorry about my Westlife obsession, but they are sooooooo cooooool.)
Just as lost as everyone else. – ell-oh-vee-ee13
1. So Young – The Corrs. This song is cool
Best part: We are chasin' the moon
Just running wild and free
We are following through
Every dream and every need
And it really doesn't matter if we don't eat
And it really doesn't matter if we never sleep
No it really doesn't matter, really doesn't matter at all
Coz we are so young now
Watch sun dance across morning sky – cicada
2. What Can I Do – The Corrs.
Best part: I haven't slept at all in days
It's been so long since we've talked
And I have been here many times
I just don't know what I'm doing wrong
i think i think too much. – time4change
3. Would You Be Happier – The Corrs. (Only a little obsessed)
Best part: Did you ever wonder where the story ends, and how it all began,
I do
Did you ever dream you were the movie star with popcorn in your hand,
I did
Do you ever think you're someone else inside, when no one understands,
you are
And wanna disappear inside a dream but never wanna wake,
wake up
Then you stumble on tomorrow, and trip over today
Still stopping to smell the rainbows. – M. Ritchie
4. Gives You Hell – All American Rejects
Best part: Now you’ll never see, what you’ve done to me
You can take back your memories they’re no good to me
And here’s all your lies, you can look me in the eyes
With that sad, sad look that you wear so well
404: Life could not be found. – Ryan Harthkopf
5. Something Right – Westlife
Best part: If you want me I must be doing something right
I got nothing left to prove
And it's all because of you
So if you need me
And baby I make you feel alive
I know I must be doing
Doing something right
Does he think about me, too? - coulda.been.a.comet
6. Paper Bag – Anna Nalick (I know I wrote a lot, I’m sorry)
Best part: be so damn beautiful
Meanwhile I'll hide my head
Here in this paper bag
Cause if I cant see you
Then you can't see me
And it'll be okay
Fly little bee away
To where theres no more rain
And I can be me
Yeah they talk about her
She smiles like shes so tough
She says
"hey can you talk a little louder,
I don't think my heart is broken enough"
She tries hard not to cry – jenOHside
7. Mandy – Westlife (originally by some other dude… but who cares??)
Best part: The night goes into
Morning, just another day
Happy people pass my way
Looking in their eyes
I see a memory
I never realized
How happy you made me
i'm not allowed to love you... – Harriet Taylor
8. Flying Without Wings – Westlife
Best part: You'll find it in the deepest friendship
The kind you cherish all your life
And when you know how much that means
You've found that special thing
You're flying without wings
You breathe music? Yeah, me too. – singitloud
9. World of our own – Westlife (Anyone else sensing a pattern?)
Best part: We got a little world of our own
I'll tell you things that no one else knows
I let you in where no-one else goes
What am I doing without you?
And all of the things I've been looking for
Have always been here outside of my door
And all of the time I'm looking for something new
What am I doing without you?
Smile; Happy looks good on you. – Kaida
10. Unbreakable – Westlife
Best part: Swept away on a wave of emotion
Over caught in the eye of the storm
And whenever you smile
I can hardly believe that you're mine
He makes the words seem beautiful. – Snowdrop54
11. Loneliness Know Me By Name – Westlife
Best part: The love of my life, the love that I need
The love that they say is in life for free
The love of dreams, the love that I want
Loneliness knows me by name
find your song. then live it. - jace(slowhand)
12. Every little thing you do – Westlife
Best part: It's every little thing you do
That makes me fall in love with you
There isn't a way that I can show you
Ever since I've come to know you
It's every little thing you say
That makes me wanna feel this
There's not a thing that I can point to
'Cause it's every little thing you do
I know what I'm wishing for... – coulda.been.a.comet
13. No Place That Far – Westlife
Best part: If I had to run
If I had to crawl
If I had to swim a hundred rivers
Just to climb a thousand walls
Always know that I would find a way
To get to where you are
There's no place that far
For him, I'll trade them all. – edyka
14. Can’t Lose What You Never Had – Westlife
Best part: Fear of rejection, kept my love inside,
But time is running out, so damn my foolish pride,
I don't care if you think i'm crazy,
It doesn't matter if it turns out bad,
I've got no fear of losing you,
You can't lose what you never had
Find myself reflected by song lyrics. – Luise
And that is as much of my insanity as I am showing you today.
OK, so… I don’t really like my blog anymore. (But it’s green! Has anyone told me it’s green?). Because it makes me feel like I have to be something I’m not. :S. And I KNOW that’s stupid because I’m never anything (anyone?) I’m not here. I just…
I’m soo not a blog person.
I am a Keep Secrets To Myself and Intrigue People Because They Don’t Get Me person.
In fact, this blog wasn’t supposed to be… a blog. (I’ve lost it. Help, anyone?)
Does ANYONE remember why I made it??
If crazy is cool, I'm awesome – jenOHside
Of course not. Because now it is just a little piece of my mind that I get to share with people, and you assume that’s what it’s always been.
But ALL of my favourite posts (apart from the insane ones, because, well, I’m insane) were the ones that carried on the initial purpose of my blog. (Confused much?).
And those posts ended on November 22.
And ever since then this has been a bloggy-blog. AND I DON’T LIKE IT ANYMORE.
So I shall whinge and do nothing to change it. And you shall put up with my whinging and say ‘Why did you start it?’ and ‘You can be yourself Ebony’ and blah-di-blah. And sure, I can be myself, but I can’t be who I want to be.
(Yeah, NOW you’re thinking ;))
I'll never understand what that meant. – coulda.been.a.comet
Tuesday, 6 January 2009
You may join me if you want =L
Attention stalkers.
(N2S: Stop stealing Amy’s stuff)
I will be going on holidays soon.
Yes, I know you are very disappointed because everyone keeps asking me to do things with them and I keep saying “Oh sorry, I’ll be in Queensland” (You have no idea how cool that feels)
And before then, I probably won’t blog much. Because, well, I have a life. Or at least a job. Which is occupying me for the next 5 days straight. Oh how kind. Because the last 6 days have been so awesome.
(Have I mentioned that I got today of?? They asked me to work 3 times!!! And I said “Oh sorry, I’ve already worked for 6 days straight”) (It feels so nice to reject work, so that the person on the other end of the line feels like a complete idiot)
(N2S: Stop using brackets)
Anyways, back to my stalkers.
I will be leaving next Wednesday.
(But I won’t be here on Monday or… part of Tuesday? I dunno, my parents are insane and keep organizing shit to get me away from my computer/blog) (I’m sure they’re just jealous because it kicks ass)
And I will be traveling to Laurieton(Near Port Macquarie) and staying with my ex-neighbour. (Which should be… fun?) for 2(?) nights. And then going to Bonville (near Coffs) and staying for 3(?) nights with my mummys friend from kindy. (How cute that they’re still in touch. I don’t talk to anyone from kindy anymore).
And then I will be going to… Burleigh? (I’ll pretend that’s how you spell it) and staying there for a week in some cool resort with an indoor AND outdoor pool. (Because one is never enough)
And then I will come home and stay somewhere on the way for a night because my family isn’t into long trips.
And then we has school. And I get to go back and ‘Create Connections’ with yr 7ers. And Douglas. :L
So, if I die in a car crash on the way there (I think my sis is driving for a bit) I love you all. And if I survive, I'll tell you the truth :)
(Amy: If I DO die, and my sister too, you can have all my stuff =) Otherwise she gets it. Well, you can share)
(And I wasn't kidding about that not getting another chance to blog thing. I mean, there are limited ours in a day, and I need my beauty sleep[do you think gorgeous just happens?] and work keeps ringing at 9:30am which really doesn't help with the sleeping process)
So, ciao. I'll see you under the moon =)
(N2S: Stop stealing Amy’s stuff)
I will be going on holidays soon.
Yes, I know you are very disappointed because everyone keeps asking me to do things with them and I keep saying “Oh sorry, I’ll be in Queensland” (You have no idea how cool that feels)
And before then, I probably won’t blog much. Because, well, I have a life. Or at least a job. Which is occupying me for the next 5 days straight. Oh how kind. Because the last 6 days have been so awesome.
(Have I mentioned that I got today of?? They asked me to work 3 times!!! And I said “Oh sorry, I’ve already worked for 6 days straight”) (It feels so nice to reject work, so that the person on the other end of the line feels like a complete idiot)
(N2S: Stop using brackets)
Anyways, back to my stalkers.
I will be leaving next Wednesday.
(But I won’t be here on Monday or… part of Tuesday? I dunno, my parents are insane and keep organizing shit to get me away from my computer/blog) (I’m sure they’re just jealous because it kicks ass)
And I will be traveling to Laurieton(Near Port Macquarie) and staying with my ex-neighbour. (Which should be… fun?) for 2(?) nights. And then going to Bonville (near Coffs) and staying for 3(?) nights with my mummys friend from kindy. (How cute that they’re still in touch. I don’t talk to anyone from kindy anymore).
And then I will be going to… Burleigh? (I’ll pretend that’s how you spell it) and staying there for a week in some cool resort with an indoor AND outdoor pool. (Because one is never enough)
And then I will come home and stay somewhere on the way for a night because my family isn’t into long trips.
And then we has school. And I get to go back and ‘Create Connections’ with yr 7ers. And Douglas. :L
So, if I die in a car crash on the way there (I think my sis is driving for a bit) I love you all. And if I survive, I'll tell you the truth :)
(Amy: If I DO die, and my sister too, you can have all my stuff =) Otherwise she gets it. Well, you can share)
(And I wasn't kidding about that not getting another chance to blog thing. I mean, there are limited ours in a day, and I need my beauty sleep[do you think gorgeous just happens?] and work keeps ringing at 9:30am which really doesn't help with the sleeping process)
So, ciao. I'll see you under the moon =)
Who's gonna miss me?
I have some sad news.
When I go on holidays I won’t be able to blog.
You’re all upset, aren’t you? AREN’T YOU???
:L I didn’t think so. But, pretend?
Anyways, I’ll be away for 2 whole weeks!! :O:O
Yeah, NOW you’re upset, AREN’T YOU??
Nevermind. =)
And yet, I have nothing to write now.
Le sigh. Must stop doing that.
I have a lot of my story that I’ve written… but I can’t be bothered to type it all out, so you will have to live without it for a bit longer.
I have a whole bunch of pretty pictures, but haven’t written anything to go with them, and I don’t just waste pictures.
I really truly have nothing to say…
I went shopping today.
I hate shopping.
I know, I’m an insult to girls all over the world.
But I got to eat Subway.
Who knew a sandwich could taste so good?
Anyways, my life is currently uneventful, sort of.
Which is good, sort of.
:L:L
When I go on holidays I won’t be able to blog.
You’re all upset, aren’t you? AREN’T YOU???
:L I didn’t think so. But, pretend?
Anyways, I’ll be away for 2 whole weeks!! :O:O
Yeah, NOW you’re upset, AREN’T YOU??
Nevermind. =)
And yet, I have nothing to write now.
Le sigh. Must stop doing that.
I have a lot of my story that I’ve written… but I can’t be bothered to type it all out, so you will have to live without it for a bit longer.
I have a whole bunch of pretty pictures, but haven’t written anything to go with them, and I don’t just waste pictures.
I really truly have nothing to say…
I went shopping today.
I hate shopping.
I know, I’m an insult to girls all over the world.
But I got to eat Subway.
Who knew a sandwich could taste so good?
Anyways, my life is currently uneventful, sort of.
Which is good, sort of.
:L:L
Full moon on Sunday.
My sister: “You’ll start howling at her any day now”
She thinks I’m obsessed… pshh.
She also thinks that maybe the moon is my mothership.…
My sister: “You’ll start howling at her any day now”
She thinks I’m obsessed… pshh.
She also thinks that maybe the moon is my mothership.…
Oh how right she is. =)
Oh wells, I wil leave now, before my Mum gets home and starts screaming at me for being on my computer. (And people wonder why I wake up at 9am).
See you under the moon.
Sunday, 4 January 2009
Let's look into my mind...
Because I'm so tired, yet haven't blogged in what feels like forever and has only been a matter of hours... I'm gonna show you my favourites from the next 91 memoirs (up to my last 100). I only have space for about 70 more in my account, and that is extraordinarily saddening. So I'm not gonna write my next 9 to make these out of my next 100, because space is precious. If I make a new account, everything changes. (Although nothing does...)
Anywho, here goes nothing.
They're in a random order, so lots of it doesn't make sense :L But who wants their mind to make sense anyway?
So, anyways, yay me for being awesome, and writing such pretty shit.
Goodnight all.
(I'll see you under the moon)
Anywho, here goes nothing.
Trying to do what's right. Unsuccessful.
Every thing reminds me of you.
Don't like life. What's plan B?
I'd do anything to see you.
Painting the colour of your smile.
I'll always be second place, though.
Tomorrow will be my greatest adventure.
Wish my teddy bear was you.
Tell me, are you happy now?
Everything was beautiful, and nothing hurt.
I want to be a superlative.
I would wait forever for you.
Trying so hard to stay strong.
And for once, I feel alive.
I think about you too much.
I'd share my moon with him.
Attempting to give up on love.
Want only thing I can't have.
Grandmother's death pieced family back together.
Only ever felt beautiful with him.
Just trying to figure myself out.
Without you, I wouldn't know happiness
Slow-danced in rain with best friend.
Drifting slowly between conciousness and fantasy.
Because, one day you'll notice me.
Need to stop crying over you.
Inspiration comes from the smallest things.
Please stay alive for another day.
Thought I knew what love was.
Dear God,
It's not funny anymore.
Don't you know? I'm yours, forever.
Frightened of mirrors, glass, cameras, self.
Mum, you don't really know me.
They're in a random order, so lots of it doesn't make sense :L But who wants their mind to make sense anyway?
So, anyways, yay me for being awesome, and writing such pretty shit.
Goodnight all.
(I'll see you under the moon)
Friday, 2 January 2009
My parents think I'm immature...
I guess I never thought it was gonna get this bad.
I know that my parents’ relationship has never been spot on, they nearly broke up the week before their engagement(they were arguing when my Dad proposed), and they almost divorced on their honeymoon (two control freaks shouldn’t share a two person bicycle). But I’ve always had faith that if they could work things out in the past, they’ll be able to work them out in the future. And then my mum said “Has anyone seen my wedding ring? Not that I really need it anymore but…” and she walked out of the room.
You see, yesterday, my parents planned to go over to my Aunty’s for New Year. But during the day, Mum had to work, so me and Dad and Nikki went to Manly. On the way back we rang mum, to tell her we’d be over to my Aunty’s house in about five minutes, and that we’d see her soon (she was still at home). In about 20 minutes we get a phone call, she thought we were gonna pick her up on the way, we thought we were gonna meet her there. She got really pissed off and hasn’t spoken to my father since.
I’ve told her it was just a misunderstanding, but she keeps saying how self-centred he was. Now when my Dad talks to her she looks at him, then looks away and doesn’t answer. Dad just gets us to ask, so all their conversations go through me or my sister.
Come on!! They’re not 5 year olds anymore, they should be able to sort out their problems without resorting to “I’m not talking to you anymore” and “Would you ask you father to pass me the…”
I really need to talk to someone about this. There’s someone I wanna tell cause they’re going through the same thing, but I can’t because we don’t talk about personal things. Someone else who’s going through the same thing, but I don’t wanna bring it up in case I hurt them. Someone else who’s going through the same thing, but they think I’m overreacting. Someone else who’s going through the same thing, but all our conversations centre around them and now it’s such a drag to talk them at all.
I need a hug too. My sister doesn’t like hugging, my Dad always thinks there’s something wrong if I hug him randomly, my Mum’s always in a bad mood. “I’ll play as long as your father doesn’t. You father’s an arse”
…
And next time I blog I swear it will be happy =)
Cuz I’m still smiling. Like, not right now, but in general, I’m still happy, I’m trying to ignore this as much as possible.… Dammit, I need a hug.
I know that my parents’ relationship has never been spot on, they nearly broke up the week before their engagement(they were arguing when my Dad proposed), and they almost divorced on their honeymoon (two control freaks shouldn’t share a two person bicycle). But I’ve always had faith that if they could work things out in the past, they’ll be able to work them out in the future. And then my mum said “Has anyone seen my wedding ring? Not that I really need it anymore but…” and she walked out of the room.
You see, yesterday, my parents planned to go over to my Aunty’s for New Year. But during the day, Mum had to work, so me and Dad and Nikki went to Manly. On the way back we rang mum, to tell her we’d be over to my Aunty’s house in about five minutes, and that we’d see her soon (she was still at home). In about 20 minutes we get a phone call, she thought we were gonna pick her up on the way, we thought we were gonna meet her there. She got really pissed off and hasn’t spoken to my father since.
I’ve told her it was just a misunderstanding, but she keeps saying how self-centred he was. Now when my Dad talks to her she looks at him, then looks away and doesn’t answer. Dad just gets us to ask, so all their conversations go through me or my sister.
Come on!! They’re not 5 year olds anymore, they should be able to sort out their problems without resorting to “I’m not talking to you anymore” and “Would you ask you father to pass me the…”
I really need to talk to someone about this. There’s someone I wanna tell cause they’re going through the same thing, but I can’t because we don’t talk about personal things. Someone else who’s going through the same thing, but I don’t wanna bring it up in case I hurt them. Someone else who’s going through the same thing, but they think I’m overreacting. Someone else who’s going through the same thing, but all our conversations centre around them and now it’s such a drag to talk them at all.
I need a hug too. My sister doesn’t like hugging, my Dad always thinks there’s something wrong if I hug him randomly, my Mum’s always in a bad mood. “I’ll play as long as your father doesn’t. You father’s an arse”
…
And next time I blog I swear it will be happy =)
Cuz I’m still smiling. Like, not right now, but in general, I’m still happy, I’m trying to ignore this as much as possible.… Dammit, I need a hug.
Happy New Year... finally.
OK, I know it’s been a while, but do you remember my story??
Good. Anywho. I have somehow been inspired to continue writing it.
It’s not very good, but you guys will probably read it anyway.
___________________________________________
He clamped my forearms with his hands, and looked me straight in the eyes “Just ask me” he said “Whatever it is, just ask me”
I hesitated, but finally gave in “Would you love me even if I wasn’t pretty?” I asked. His hands dropped, he looked away, and paused.
“Answer me!” I was worried, if he was avoiding the question that could only mean…
“That’s not fair Ellie” he said
“Yeah? Why not?”
“Because that’s like asking if I would love you if weren’t clever or talented or caring, I love you for all of you.”
We’d been through this conversation a million times in my head, and that was more or less the reply I was expecting.
“Wrong answer”
I spun around and walked away.
___________________________________________
Yeah, there’s more, but it gets worse :L so I’ll just leave you with that.
___________________________________________
Now I haven’t actually said Happy New Year to anyone, (except on MSN) cuz I already wasted 25 cents on all of you at Christmas, and I'm not exactly made of money. So here is my New Year Message:
(note that this way is free =))
(warning: it gets soppy :L)
I hope that 2009 is a great year for all of you. I hope you all grow to understand yourselves and your friends better. I hope nothing ever holds you back from doing something you want to do, and that you find the strength within yourself to fight for what’s right, and make a difference.
Make it a year of memories. Live for every moment, treat each day as if it were your last, and never regret anything that once made you smile. On second thoughts, never regret anything at all. Laugh and smiles lots, but cry lots too. Especially with friends.
Follow you heart. Whatever you’re doing, follow your heart. Trust yourself and your instincts. And every day, wake up with a smile of your face thinking “Ebony loves me”.
See that wouldn't ave fit in a text message anyway :L.
Good. Anywho. I have somehow been inspired to continue writing it.
It’s not very good, but you guys will probably read it anyway.
___________________________________________
He clamped my forearms with his hands, and looked me straight in the eyes “Just ask me” he said “Whatever it is, just ask me”
I hesitated, but finally gave in “Would you love me even if I wasn’t pretty?” I asked. His hands dropped, he looked away, and paused.
“Answer me!” I was worried, if he was avoiding the question that could only mean…
“That’s not fair Ellie” he said
“Yeah? Why not?”
“Because that’s like asking if I would love you if weren’t clever or talented or caring, I love you for all of you.”
We’d been through this conversation a million times in my head, and that was more or less the reply I was expecting.
“Wrong answer”
I spun around and walked away.
___________________________________________
Yeah, there’s more, but it gets worse :L so I’ll just leave you with that.
___________________________________________
Now I haven’t actually said Happy New Year to anyone, (except on MSN) cuz I already wasted 25 cents on all of you at Christmas, and I'm not exactly made of money. So here is my New Year Message:
(note that this way is free =))
(warning: it gets soppy :L)
I hope that 2009 is a great year for all of you. I hope you all grow to understand yourselves and your friends better. I hope nothing ever holds you back from doing something you want to do, and that you find the strength within yourself to fight for what’s right, and make a difference.
Make it a year of memories. Live for every moment, treat each day as if it were your last, and never regret anything that once made you smile. On second thoughts, never regret anything at all. Laugh and smiles lots, but cry lots too. Especially with friends.
Follow you heart. Whatever you’re doing, follow your heart. Trust yourself and your instincts. And every day, wake up with a smile of your face thinking “Ebony loves me”.
See that wouldn't ave fit in a text message anyway :L.
Thursday, 1 January 2009
I make myself smile, now.
I am the world’s biggest wuss.
And it’s taken me forever to realise too.
But last night, just after New Year, everyone was going crazy with sparklers, and I am so totally scared of them. (so’s my sister, shuttup, it’s smart to be scared of fire)
And for years I would put up with them, and tell myself than I’m being stupid, and that I’ll actually enjoy myself when playing with one… and I never do.
And it’s only now that I have the courage to stand up to myself, and do things because I want to, not because I should.
And that’s one of the reasons I’m happy now.
And also because I’m insane
No, seriously.
Everytime something little but good happens, it makes me smile, and I say to myself “focus on the little things, Ebony” (occasionally I saw it out loud too…)
And then when something little but bad happens I saw “don’t worry about it, it’s just a little thing”
And eventually, my head will figure out that I am lying to it, and I will be depressed again. And until then, I will smile. Lots and lots and lots.
And scare lot of people ;)
And it’s taken me forever to realise too.
But last night, just after New Year, everyone was going crazy with sparklers, and I am so totally scared of them. (so’s my sister, shuttup, it’s smart to be scared of fire)
And for years I would put up with them, and tell myself than I’m being stupid, and that I’ll actually enjoy myself when playing with one… and I never do.
And it’s only now that I have the courage to stand up to myself, and do things because I want to, not because I should.
And that’s one of the reasons I’m happy now.
And also because I’m insane
No, seriously.
Everytime something little but good happens, it makes me smile, and I say to myself “focus on the little things, Ebony” (occasionally I saw it out loud too…)
And then when something little but bad happens I saw “don’t worry about it, it’s just a little thing”
And eventually, my head will figure out that I am lying to it, and I will be depressed again. And until then, I will smile. Lots and lots and lots.
And scare lot of people ;)
The Perfect Man
He’d take me to the beach.
A deserted beach. But still a warm one.
And we’d go crazy in the ocean together.
And then, after a few minutes, he’d know.
He’d know that after I had too much salt in my eyes and too much water up my nose and had been dumped by too many waves, it was time to build our castle.
And it would be no children’s castle.
This would be my fairytale castle.
He would also know that as not only someone completely terrorised by OCD, but also as an engineer’s daughter, my castle would have to be perfect.
It would be taller than any other sandcastle, and it would have a moat surrounding it.
And when the tide was right, each wave would fill the moat, and then draw away leaving it hinting at water.
There would be a bridge over the moat, which would lead to my complete city of bridges and tunnels that I have wanted to build forever!
(One day, I was really close, and then some teenage brat came and jumped on it, I cried for hours)
And he would put up with my making every single part of castle perfect, because I’ve never built the perfect sandcastle, and it’s about time I did.
He would find me a stick, and a leaf, and make me a flag.
Then he would put it on my perfectly rounded castle with walls exactly perpendicular to the ground and not sloping, and it would be complete.
Then we’d take a photo of the castle, and watch the tide sweep it away.
Oh my gosh. I am totally dillusional. :L
Anyways, this is all inspored by AMY, (Again) for writing about HER perfect man :L:L
A deserted beach. But still a warm one.
And we’d go crazy in the ocean together.
And then, after a few minutes, he’d know.
He’d know that after I had too much salt in my eyes and too much water up my nose and had been dumped by too many waves, it was time to build our castle.
And it would be no children’s castle.
This would be my fairytale castle.
He would also know that as not only someone completely terrorised by OCD, but also as an engineer’s daughter, my castle would have to be perfect.
It would be taller than any other sandcastle, and it would have a moat surrounding it.
And when the tide was right, each wave would fill the moat, and then draw away leaving it hinting at water.
There would be a bridge over the moat, which would lead to my complete city of bridges and tunnels that I have wanted to build forever!
(One day, I was really close, and then some teenage brat came and jumped on it, I cried for hours)
And he would put up with my making every single part of castle perfect, because I’ve never built the perfect sandcastle, and it’s about time I did.
He would find me a stick, and a leaf, and make me a flag.
Then he would put it on my perfectly rounded castle with walls exactly perpendicular to the ground and not sloping, and it would be complete.
Then we’d take a photo of the castle, and watch the tide sweep it away.
Oh my gosh. I am totally dillusional. :L
Anyways, this is all inspored by AMY, (Again) for writing about HER perfect man :L:L
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