I make myself smile, now.

I am the world’s biggest wuss.
And it’s taken me forever to realise too.
But last night, just after New Year, everyone was going crazy with sparklers, and I am so totally scared of them. (so’s my sister, shuttup, it’s smart to be scared of fire)
And for years I would put up with them, and tell myself than I’m being stupid, and that I’ll actually enjoy myself when playing with one… and I never do.
And it’s only now that I have the courage to stand up to myself, and do things because I want to, not because I should.
And that’s one of the reasons I’m happy now.

And also because I’m insane
No, seriously.

Everytime something little but good happens, it makes me smile, and I say to myself “focus on the little things, Ebony” (occasionally I saw it out loud too…)
And then when something little but bad happens I saw “don’t worry about it, it’s just a little thing”

And eventually, my head will figure out that I am lying to it, and I will be depressed again. And until then, I will smile. Lots and lots and lots.
And scare lot of people ;)