Now I'll stop thinkning about it...

One – I stopped. That was the first step.
TWO – It should make a difference, but it doesn’t
Three – It was just something I had to do
Four – I guess it didn’t make sense in the first place, did it?

Explanation of weird behaviour after drama:

Everything was perfect. The sand, the waves, the rocks, the sun, and especially the person sitting next to me. I was completely at ease. It was beautiful, unbelievable. The feeling of complete relaxation was one I’d never before encountered. This was how my mind relaxed best, imagining you. And then he said “You have to be completely alone”, so I tried. I forced my picture, I warped it, I used all my energy to push you out of my mind. You fled, and I held you away. “Relax” he said. I let go, I stopped pushing; you flooded back to me. No! I forced you away. Pushing, pushing. “Be completely relaxed,” he repeated. No! I can’t! Not if I’m meant to be alone. I opened my eyes and gave up. Relaxation without you doesn’t exist; I guess I should have known.