Ok, so I was surfing the net (as you do), and I stumbled across a compilation of quotes. If you guys give them a chance, they’re very good. (I know, I know, they’re all about LOVE, but it's my birthday, so I can blog about WHATEVER I WANT).) Read, and enjoy.
{{Half have what they’re quotes from, the rest, meh}}
Hearts will be practical only when they are made unbreakable
The Wizard Of Oz
Heartbreak is agony. Complete, excruciating agony. It's like your heart has been ripped out of your chest and stomped on, and you can't breathe... you don't want to eat... you can't function. It's the most intense pain that you'll ever feel, and the worst part is, there's no way to relieve it. It's unyielding, merciless torture, and you know that it's yours for life.
- Dawson’s Creek
I love that you get cold when it is 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle in your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.
- When Harry met Sally
"And I can't pretend I won't think about you when I'm older,
'cause we never really had our closure, this can't be the end.."
- Hinder, better than me
"Sometimes things don't turn out the wayyou want them to. Sometimes the peopleyou choose to believe are wrong.Sometimes there isn't a good guy and a bad guy.Sometimes even the ones you want to believe turn out to be liars. The first boy is always the hardest to get over. It's just the way the world works."--Ashley, THAT SUMMER, By Sarah Dessen
TRIXIE: "It's crazy, right? To love someone who's hurt you?"
JANICE: "It's crazier to think that someone someone who hurts you, loves you."
-The Tenth Circle
"Don't ever cry over something that wouldn't cry over you." -Laruen Conrad
True love is felonious. You take someone’s breath away, you rob them of the ability to utter a single word. You steal a heart.
And there's a part of me that still believes if you want Superman to show up, first there’s got to be someone worth saving.
-My sister’s keeper
After all -- people die, computers crash. All we can do is breathe and reboot.
--SEX & THE CITY
The puzzle is my heart and the final piece is you
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to the garage makes you a car.
Cinderella walked on broken glass, Sleeping Beauty let a whole lifetime pass. Belle feel in love with a hideous beast, Jasmine married a common thief. Ariel walked on land for love and life, Snow White barely escaped a knife. It was all about blood, sweat, and tears, because love means facing your biggest fears.
It's funny how you go through the year and nothing seems to change but when you look back, everything is different. It's amazing that no matter how much we tell ourselves that we won't change for anyone, we always seem to. And no matter how much we say we won't care what they think about us, it's the number one thing on our minds. If you look at how I used to be and you look at me now, you'll realize I'm not the same girl I used to be. All of this shit got to me. I've always avoided fights. I make jokes instead. I tell people what they want to hear just to avoid confrontation. I pretend to want things I don't want and I pretend not to want things I do want. No one gets hurt except me. The lines are so crossed and blurred at this point that I don't know what I want. I just know I want it to be easy... And sometimes it's easier for me to pretend rather than face my feelings. Sometimes it's easier to try to make it alone rather than risk getting hurt again. Sometimes it's easier to be numb towards certain people so I don't let them get too close. Sometimes I'm scared, but when I act numb towards *you*, it doesn't mean I don't care it means I care too much.
Boys. They’re so stupid. Just when everything is perfect, they turn around and do something so idiotic, so horrible, and they crush your entire world. The guy you thought was the only one that was worth something, that was not like the others, well, you drop your guard, and you see him standing there, with a grin on his face, a sign around his neck, saying “I’m just like the others. You just didn’t see it, until it was too late.”
If you're going to love me, love me deeply. If you're going to break my heart, break it all. If you're going to care, care for me completely. If you decide not to hold me, then just let me fall. If you're going to stay, then stay forever. And if you want to leave, then do it today. If you're going to change, change for the better. And if you're going to talk, please mean what you say.
People think that if you love somebody hard enough,
then everything is just going to work out.
well, people are wrong.
"&& i really wish you'd come back.
Not to say hi, or to tell me how good you're doing without me;
just to stop by, and to give me the one thing of mine you never returned:
my heart."
Time has moved on.
You've surely moved on.
Everyone's forgotten about us.
So why can't I?
Now that I know what I know,
I know that I will always love you.
And you say you're over him, but you can't deny it.
As hard as you try to undo that knot of love,
you can't untie it
Do you know the most surprising part about heartache?
It doesn't actually kill you. Like a bullet to the heart, or a head-on car wreck, it should.
Because when a person you've promised to cherish forever says, "I never loved you," it should kill you instantly. You should have to wake up day after day after that.
trying to understand how in the world you didn't know.
its no use,
trying to forget about you.
because every time i hear that song..
you come back to me.
People say you have at least
5 dreams per night.
That's like 2 thousand dreams a year.
So at least one of those
Has to be about me..
There`s that occasional night
where you just break down & cry,
cause you know that no matter what;
things will never be the same.
Maybe thats what happens,
you fall in love to fall apart,
and yet you'll always want to
do it again.
it's funny how the sweetest things
are the most forbidden.
Funny how time changes, but feelings don't
Please don't pretend that nothing happened
that you never stopped for a second glance
don't wish we had never met
when all I can do is think about you
don't pretend that your heart didn't skip a beat
or that your stomach didn't do flip-flops
and for my sake please dont forget me.
he landed smack in the middle of your
world, and turned everything upside down
until you were addicted to his smile,
his voice filled your dreams,
and everything that didn't make sense
before is all of a sudden perfect.
Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never met
Do you ever wonder? I mean about us, what happened? It's almost like our relationship was a piece of paper ; crumbled up and thrown away. What would have happened if we didn't throw it away? Maybe we would still be together, maybe not. Or maybe we secretly haven't thrown it away yet. We're saving it because someday we hope we can pull it out of our pockets and rekindle what we once had. It's that we don't want to lose what we had, but we know it's already lost. I wonder that a lot and I wonder if you wonder sometimes too.
He doesn’t know what’s right.
She doesn’t know what’s wrong.
She only knows the pain that comes
from waiting for him so long.
the second chance means nothing if nothing was learned from the first.
Wednesday, 19 November 2008
Tuesday, 18 November 2008
Ebony's a Working Girl Now
ok, so as some of you know, on Thursday, I went fora job interview, and on Friday, I was told I got the job *throws party*. So on Thursday at 5pm, I have my Induction, before then I need a bank account, TFN, uniform, and I have to fill out some papers.
Bank account – on Monday/Tuesday, I caught the train to Livo and was picked up by my mummy + sister, to go to the Commonwealth Bank to get us both bank accounts. I OFFICIALLY have $100, oooh, I am soo cool.
TFN – Yeah, I picked up the forms at school, but never really got around to filling them in. But that’s all right, they have the forms at my work (!!), so I can do them later.
Uniform – My mum/sister/both will pick up my top during the week, whilst I am at camp. But on Saturday, I bought:
· Skirt (really pro looking, and very long. My mum wants to shorten it)
· Shoes (really comfy, and pretty, I like :))
· Pants ( they’re ¾ cuz I couldn’t find the normal ones that I liked in my size :P).
Papers – Meant to fill them out before Monday, but they haven’t been organised, so my mum/sister can go fill tem out on Monday when I’m at camp, and then they’ll get my signature on Thursday.
++ I CAN go to madd night!! :) Cuz that was meant to be my induction, but then it was moved to this Thursday so ALL IS GOOD. :)
Bank account – on Monday/Tuesday, I caught the train to Livo and was picked up by my mummy + sister, to go to the Commonwealth Bank to get us both bank accounts. I OFFICIALLY have $100, oooh, I am soo cool.
TFN – Yeah, I picked up the forms at school, but never really got around to filling them in. But that’s all right, they have the forms at my work (!!), so I can do them later.
Uniform – My mum/sister/both will pick up my top during the week, whilst I am at camp. But on Saturday, I bought:
· Skirt (really pro looking, and very long. My mum wants to shorten it)
· Shoes (really comfy, and pretty, I like :))
· Pants ( they’re ¾ cuz I couldn’t find the normal ones that I liked in my size :P).
Papers – Meant to fill them out before Monday, but they haven’t been organised, so my mum/sister can go fill tem out on Monday when I’m at camp, and then they’ll get my signature on Thursday.
++ I CAN go to madd night!! :) Cuz that was meant to be my induction, but then it was moved to this Thursday so ALL IS GOOD. :)
Monday, 17 November 2008
Lousie Rennison
OK, you guys may or may not (say, if you’re noob like Corinne) heard of the movie Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging{http://www.angusthongsmovie.com/intl/uk/}, you have? Oh goody. Well this movie was based on a book, do you know what that book was called?
Angus, Thongs and Full-frontal snogging. (No, I do not know why they changed the name). This book is part of a series, Confessions of Georgia Nicholson. We all up to speed? OK.
This series currently has nine books:
Angus Thongs and Full-Frontal Snogging
It’s OK, I’m wearing really big knickers (In USA, ‘On The Bright Side, I’m Now The Girlfriend Of A Sex God’)
Knocked out by my nunga-nungas
Dancing in my Nuddy-Pants.
…And That’s When it Fell Off in my Hand (In USA, ‘Away Laughing on a Fast Camel’)
…Then He Ate My Boy Entrancers
Startled by his furry shorts
Luuurve is a Many Trousered Thing (In USA, ‘Love is a Many Trousered Thing’)
Stop in the Name of Pants!
Anyways, so reading the Confession books, I discovered a whole new way of life. Seriously, her vocabulary alone is completely out there. I leant Corinne one of the books durig roll call last week, and she couldn’t understand half of it (:L). Sure the books have the occasional “sheer bonkerosity” or “red-bottomosity”, but they are VERY good, and worth the read. Here, I’ll be mean/cool, and give you guys a teaser of ‘Dancing in My Nuddy Pants’ (opening paragraph):
“I’ve just seen a sparrow quite literally washed off its perch on a tree. It should have had its umbrella up. But even if it had had its umbrella up, it might have slipped on a wet leaf and crashed into a passing squirrel. That’s what life is like. Well, that’s what my life is like.”
Look, ok, I'm at camp and I have nothing else to post about :P
Angus, Thongs and Full-frontal snogging. (No, I do not know why they changed the name). This book is part of a series, Confessions of Georgia Nicholson. We all up to speed? OK.
This series currently has nine books:
Angus Thongs and Full-Frontal Snogging
It’s OK, I’m wearing really big knickers (In USA, ‘On The Bright Side, I’m Now The Girlfriend Of A Sex God’)
Knocked out by my nunga-nungas
Dancing in my Nuddy-Pants.
…And That’s When it Fell Off in my Hand (In USA, ‘Away Laughing on a Fast Camel’)
…Then He Ate My Boy Entrancers
Startled by his furry shorts
Luuurve is a Many Trousered Thing (In USA, ‘Love is a Many Trousered Thing’)
Stop in the Name of Pants!
Anyways, so reading the Confession books, I discovered a whole new way of life. Seriously, her vocabulary alone is completely out there. I leant Corinne one of the books durig roll call last week, and she couldn’t understand half of it (:L). Sure the books have the occasional “sheer bonkerosity” or “red-bottomosity”, but they are VERY good, and worth the read. Here, I’ll be mean/cool, and give you guys a teaser of ‘Dancing in My Nuddy Pants’ (opening paragraph):
“I’ve just seen a sparrow quite literally washed off its perch on a tree. It should have had its umbrella up. But even if it had had its umbrella up, it might have slipped on a wet leaf and crashed into a passing squirrel. That’s what life is like. Well, that’s what my life is like.”
Look, ok, I'm at camp and I have nothing else to post about :P
Sunday, 16 November 2008
LOVEactually
STOP… wait a second… damn you missed it.
I was happy!
Like full on, goofy smile happy!!
Yeah, it went away. Now I’m content. But I was happy, for, like a split second. I love that I'm happy, I love that HE made me smile by saying we're just friends. Man, I LOVE being happy.
Hmm, I actually want to blog about Love Actually, but then I went all happy and interrupted myself. But it’s okay, I forgive myself.
You know, I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before, but Love Actually is the world’s most coolest movie. You know why? Cuz it doesn’t have a happy ending. Wait, no, it doesn’t have a PERFECT ending.
Cuz they guy whose secretary loved him even though he was married still doesn’t have a perfect relationship with his wife.
And the guy who fell in love with his best friend’s wife still doesn’t have her, even though he thinks she’s perfect.
And the guy who is a ‘has-been’ has realised that he’ll never find love whilst he’s got his manager, and he’ll never have another hit song.
And the guy whose wife died at the beginning of the movie is still never gonna be the same
But through all of that, it’s happy. People smile, and people laugh. It’s not perfect; it’s a lifetime away from perfect. But everyone can still be happy.
I LOVE that movie!! <3
I was happy!
Like full on, goofy smile happy!!
Yeah, it went away. Now I’m content. But I was happy, for, like a split second. I love that I'm happy, I love that HE made me smile by saying we're just friends. Man, I LOVE being happy.
Hmm, I actually want to blog about Love Actually, but then I went all happy and interrupted myself. But it’s okay, I forgive myself.
You know, I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before, but Love Actually is the world’s most coolest movie. You know why? Cuz it doesn’t have a happy ending. Wait, no, it doesn’t have a PERFECT ending.
Cuz they guy whose secretary loved him even though he was married still doesn’t have a perfect relationship with his wife.
And the guy who fell in love with his best friend’s wife still doesn’t have her, even though he thinks she’s perfect.
And the guy who is a ‘has-been’ has realised that he’ll never find love whilst he’s got his manager, and he’ll never have another hit song.
And the guy whose wife died at the beginning of the movie is still never gonna be the same
But through all of that, it’s happy. People smile, and people laugh. It’s not perfect; it’s a lifetime away from perfect. But everyone can still be happy.
I LOVE that movie!! <3
Saturday, 15 November 2008
Surviving Myself
6 words: Laugh loud, dance retardly, don't care – march hiker chik94
Ok, I know, I know, I’m directing you guys to all kinds of sites, introducing you to 6 word memoirs and CleverGirlGoesBlog, and even linking you to Postsecret. But I have an addition to make to that growing list.
His name is Chris. And he is a fabulousamundo poster from Surviving Myself. Now, I know you guys are probably too lazy to just check out that link, so I’m gonna try and put as many teasers here as possible so that you start to read the blog everyday, just to see if he’s written something funny, become obsessed, like me! (Y) {{each teaser is linked to the full blogpost}}
OK then
1. Osama must’ve been one hell of a Hide n’ Seek player as a boy, one of those kids who would hide so well that you’d eventually just give up and go home for dinner
2. I do not like goodbyes, in the “I’m too lazy to say bye” kind of way. Instead of acting like A Normal Person and saying a quick “see you later” to all who are with me, I simply bolt for the nearest exit, disappearing into the night like a crackhead stealing a pair of socks.
3. I like to consider myself The Best Driver In America. I don’t even use my blinkers because I change lanes so swiftly that they are a waste of my time. You’ll be sitting there, still marveling how we “Made amazing time!” when suddenly we’ll be parked perfectly
4. *talking bout wheres wally* Think about what it must be like to be friends with that guy.You’re hanging out, having a good time, you turn your back for a second and the dude is gone. AND he always wears the same damn clothes. What’s he trying to do - be funny?
5. I am an expert Uno player. The best? Perhaps. Better than you? I would bet my first born on it. Come and challenge me if you feel you have the skills, but I must warn you, it will not end well for you.
6. I don’t know if you realize this or not, but there are men out there at this very moment with their shirts tucked into their underwear. I was alerted to this phenomenon this morning when I was getting ready to leave the gym. I looked up from tying my shoes and there was a guy stuffing his shirt into his underwear. I wonder what exactly this person’s life entails that it made him decide that an extra layer of security was absolutely necessary to keep his shirt in line. Maybe this person just gives an inordinate amount of high fives.
7. Well, it’s official. I’m getting dumber. I’ve thought this for awhile, specifically because I can’t seem to do simple division. But now that there has been a study released stating that drinking shrinks your brain, I have all the proof I need.
So go check out awesome Chris’ page. Go on! You know you want to.
Ok, I know, I know, I’m directing you guys to all kinds of sites, introducing you to 6 word memoirs and CleverGirlGoesBlog, and even linking you to Postsecret. But I have an addition to make to that growing list.
His name is Chris. And he is a fabulousamundo poster from Surviving Myself. Now, I know you guys are probably too lazy to just check out that link, so I’m gonna try and put as many teasers here as possible so that you start to read the blog everyday, just to see if he’s written something funny, become obsessed, like me! (Y) {{each teaser is linked to the full blogpost}}
OK then
1. Osama must’ve been one hell of a Hide n’ Seek player as a boy, one of those kids who would hide so well that you’d eventually just give up and go home for dinner
2. I do not like goodbyes, in the “I’m too lazy to say bye” kind of way. Instead of acting like A Normal Person and saying a quick “see you later” to all who are with me, I simply bolt for the nearest exit, disappearing into the night like a crackhead stealing a pair of socks.
3. I like to consider myself The Best Driver In America. I don’t even use my blinkers because I change lanes so swiftly that they are a waste of my time. You’ll be sitting there, still marveling how we “Made amazing time!” when suddenly we’ll be parked perfectly
4. *talking bout wheres wally* Think about what it must be like to be friends with that guy.You’re hanging out, having a good time, you turn your back for a second and the dude is gone. AND he always wears the same damn clothes. What’s he trying to do - be funny?
5. I am an expert Uno player. The best? Perhaps. Better than you? I would bet my first born on it. Come and challenge me if you feel you have the skills, but I must warn you, it will not end well for you.
6. I don’t know if you realize this or not, but there are men out there at this very moment with their shirts tucked into their underwear. I was alerted to this phenomenon this morning when I was getting ready to leave the gym. I looked up from tying my shoes and there was a guy stuffing his shirt into his underwear. I wonder what exactly this person’s life entails that it made him decide that an extra layer of security was absolutely necessary to keep his shirt in line. Maybe this person just gives an inordinate amount of high fives.
7. Well, it’s official. I’m getting dumber. I’ve thought this for awhile, specifically because I can’t seem to do simple division. But now that there has been a study released stating that drinking shrinks your brain, I have all the proof I need.
So go check out awesome Chris’ page. Go on! You know you want to.
Friday, 14 November 2008
141108
Attention ppls in 9M/E:
you know how we share our link period, yeah?
well this arvo, shiri/aash/hunaiza and me was talking on the bus about 9E/R class swapping todays, and we thought, why dont we turn up for the wrong periods for link?
just to annoy the hell outta kearney!!
cuz he always has the wrong roll anyway :L, and we like aggrevating him =D.
you in?? well talk more later, but it seems like a fun idea :)
Attention all year niners:
if kearney brings his pink/blue stripey shirt on camp, will you guys help me burn it???
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i said id blog happy on the weekend, so ive still got one day left.
but today, i realised, i am happy.
i dont care which option is right or wrong, im just gonna follow my heart, and let the chips fall as they may.
today, i shall begin my happy blogs, with more about the 6 word teen communtity.
yeah, i know, i know, im getting annoying, but i love these guys so much.
so here a some 6worders:
I'm smarter than your average nut. - coulda.been.a.comet
Not shooting star, just a plane - coula.been.a.comet
My Prince Charmings' around here somewhere... - soulcages
Reading Twilight; A Novel Experience (Chuckle.) - soulcages
Meet online, love before first sight – ivealwayslovedher
Rejection taught me to love myself. - small and on a search
Didn't fit in. Stopped wanting to. – coulda.been.a.comet
Never thought it would be you. – iamaspen
Even I don't completely understand me. – ThinkTink7
ok, thats it. :)
on a side note:
I guess, I never before realised how much the smithteen society relied on each other. I mean, sure, we’re there for each other, and we write for each other, but we’re also so close. We pick each other up. Although we have our most prominent writers (e.g. Bubbles, October, coulda.been.a.comet), we have other writers too (e.g. the 3 people I inspired to create accounts) and we all comment, and support each other. We’ve become a sort of family. I’m beginning to get worried that I’ll run out of words, and end up with nothing to share. I’ll rely on their words to get me through, just like some dormant writers rely on ours. I want to be able to give, as well as take. I’m so glad I’ve got them.
Now guys, for real, if you’re relying on my supply of 6wordmemoirs, STOP! Go to the site! Even if you’re just there for 5 minutes, you’ll become inspired. Create an account! We can always use more writers… unless you’re shit (:L), but if you mean it, and you feel it, we will too. (I LOVE being part of a “we”). Please go, seriously, leave! I only give you the 6worders that apply to my situations, so take some initiative, and go find some words that apply to you. You’ll find out that you’re not alone, and it’s an incredible feeling.
you know how we share our link period, yeah?
well this arvo, shiri/aash/hunaiza and me was talking on the bus about 9E/R class swapping todays, and we thought, why dont we turn up for the wrong periods for link?
just to annoy the hell outta kearney!!
cuz he always has the wrong roll anyway :L, and we like aggrevating him =D.
you in?? well talk more later, but it seems like a fun idea :)
Attention all year niners:
if kearney brings his pink/blue stripey shirt on camp, will you guys help me burn it???
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i said id blog happy on the weekend, so ive still got one day left.
but today, i realised, i am happy.
i dont care which option is right or wrong, im just gonna follow my heart, and let the chips fall as they may.
today, i shall begin my happy blogs, with more about the 6 word teen communtity.
yeah, i know, i know, im getting annoying, but i love these guys so much.
so here a some 6worders:
I'm smarter than your average nut. - coulda.been.a.comet
Not shooting star, just a plane - coula.been.a.comet
My Prince Charmings' around here somewhere... - soulcages
Reading Twilight; A Novel Experience (Chuckle.) - soulcages
Meet online, love before first sight – ivealwayslovedher
Rejection taught me to love myself. - small and on a search
Didn't fit in. Stopped wanting to. – coulda.been.a.comet
Never thought it would be you. – iamaspen
Even I don't completely understand me. – ThinkTink7
ok, thats it. :)
on a side note:
I guess, I never before realised how much the smithteen society relied on each other. I mean, sure, we’re there for each other, and we write for each other, but we’re also so close. We pick each other up. Although we have our most prominent writers (e.g. Bubbles, October, coulda.been.a.comet), we have other writers too (e.g. the 3 people I inspired to create accounts) and we all comment, and support each other. We’ve become a sort of family. I’m beginning to get worried that I’ll run out of words, and end up with nothing to share. I’ll rely on their words to get me through, just like some dormant writers rely on ours. I want to be able to give, as well as take. I’m so glad I’ve got them.
Now guys, for real, if you’re relying on my supply of 6wordmemoirs, STOP! Go to the site! Even if you’re just there for 5 minutes, you’ll become inspired. Create an account! We can always use more writers… unless you’re shit (:L), but if you mean it, and you feel it, we will too. (I LOVE being part of a “we”). Please go, seriously, leave! I only give you the 6worders that apply to my situations, so take some initiative, and go find some words that apply to you. You’ll find out that you’re not alone, and it’s an incredible feeling.
Thursday, 13 November 2008
Amazed
I know this song probably still reminds you of her. But to me, this song will only ever be you.
I know I don’t usually blog with only song lyrics. But to me, this song is a special exception.
It requires no more introduction; it is perfection.
Every time our eyes meet
This feeling inside me
Is almost more than I can take
Baby when you touch me
I can feel how much you love me
And it just blows me away
I've never been this close to anyone or anything
I can hear your thoughts
I can see your dreams
I don't know how you do what you do
I'm so in love with you It just keeps getting better
I want to spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Baby, I'm amazed by you
The smell of your skin
The taste of your kiss
The way you whisper in the dark
Your hair all around me
Baby you surround me
You touch every place in my heart
Oh, it feels like the first time, every time
I want to spend the whole night in your eyes
Every little thing that you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I want to spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Baby, I'm amazed by you
I know I don’t usually blog with only song lyrics. But to me, this song is a special exception.
It requires no more introduction; it is perfection.
Every time our eyes meet
This feeling inside me
Is almost more than I can take
Baby when you touch me
I can feel how much you love me
And it just blows me away
I've never been this close to anyone or anything
I can hear your thoughts
I can see your dreams
I don't know how you do what you do
I'm so in love with you It just keeps getting better
I want to spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Baby, I'm amazed by you
The smell of your skin
The taste of your kiss
The way you whisper in the dark
Your hair all around me
Baby you surround me
You touch every place in my heart
Oh, it feels like the first time, every time
I want to spend the whole night in your eyes
Every little thing that you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I want to spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Baby, I'm amazed by you
Almost happy?
honestly, learning your lesson is overrated - coulda.been.a.comet
ive been doing a lot of thinking about right and wrong.
still not sure which is which
moreover, i know which is whichi just wish it wasnt so
I remember you. I miss you - J600y
so, i havent made a decision
thinking that maybe i can will things to change
and the wrong decision can suddenly become right
Screw endings. Looking for my middle - WeirdLoveSynonymous
because i want it to
i need it to
i cant leave it how it is
eventually, things must be resolved.
Through it all, I'm NOT broken - skyye
i promise that sometime this weekend i will blog about something fun
i have some things lined up
like, exam marks!
and, a cool new blog i found
and more 6 word memoirs
and i have heaps more postsecrets
and im maybe getting a job (interview this arvo)
and more on NaBloPoMo2008 (as well as how ill keep posting during camp)
and CAMP!! when i get back
and some sort of commemoration for my 69th blog (=D)
so sometime this weekend (ok, maybe next week), ill show you guys all that stuff
laters!
ive been doing a lot of thinking about right and wrong.
still not sure which is which
moreover, i know which is whichi just wish it wasnt so
I remember you. I miss you - J600y
so, i havent made a decision
thinking that maybe i can will things to change
and the wrong decision can suddenly become right
Screw endings. Looking for my middle - WeirdLoveSynonymous
because i want it to
i need it to
i cant leave it how it is
eventually, things must be resolved.
Through it all, I'm NOT broken - skyye
i promise that sometime this weekend i will blog about something fun
i have some things lined up
like, exam marks!
and, a cool new blog i found
and more 6 word memoirs
and i have heaps more postsecrets
and im maybe getting a job (interview this arvo)
and more on NaBloPoMo2008 (as well as how ill keep posting during camp)
and CAMP!! when i get back
and some sort of commemoration for my 69th blog (=D)
so sometime this weekend (ok, maybe next week), ill show you guys all that stuff
laters!
Wednesday, 12 November 2008
Happy, almost.
Feeling controlled by this addictive website. – ionlywrotefive
i add memoirs to my blogs far too often.
i check the site hourly.
im CRAZY!!
and addicted.
and finally, not alone =)
make me smile. i DARE you. - ionlywrotefive
i guess i got worse again today. my friends weren't enough to make me happy.
even though i had them for the whole day.
i had too much spare time.
thing about exercise is - it occupies your body, but leaves your mind wandering
life sucks. so we eat cookies – justkharp
im only writing this as a distraction.
if i think, ill get upset. and i dont know how much more i can handle.
"don't think" everyone says that. and sure, it's helpful, just not always possible
ive moved on to daydreaming...
STOP THINKING!!!
cant write if i dont think.
dont know what to do.
post secret??
you been there
more than six words, use postesecret - (can't remember, read it a while ago)
ok, here let me tell you about it.
if you have a secret you wish to share.
you mail it to Frank, on the back of a postcard.
and he puts it on his website.
and then everyone reads people's secrets.
ngaw. and they all live happily ever after.
it's very similar to 6-words, but not just teens, so there isnt the same feeling of community
plus, you can use however many words you want.
it's really quite clever.
Here are some demo postsecret cards. Enjoy!
i add memoirs to my blogs far too often.
i check the site hourly.
im CRAZY!!
and addicted.
and finally, not alone =)
make me smile. i DARE you. - ionlywrotefive
i guess i got worse again today. my friends weren't enough to make me happy.
even though i had them for the whole day.
i had too much spare time.
thing about exercise is - it occupies your body, but leaves your mind wandering
life sucks. so we eat cookies – justkharp
im only writing this as a distraction.
if i think, ill get upset. and i dont know how much more i can handle.
"don't think" everyone says that. and sure, it's helpful, just not always possible
ive moved on to daydreaming...
STOP THINKING!!!
cant write if i dont think.
dont know what to do.
post secret??
you been there
more than six words, use postesecret - (can't remember, read it a while ago)
ok, here let me tell you about it.
if you have a secret you wish to share.
you mail it to Frank, on the back of a postcard.
and he puts it on his website.
and then everyone reads people's secrets.
ngaw. and they all live happily ever after.
it's very similar to 6-words, but not just teens, so there isnt the same feeling of community
plus, you can use however many words you want.
it's really quite clever.
Here are some demo postsecret cards. Enjoy!
Tuesday, 11 November 2008
don't bother.
Everyday I check my email. Over and over and over again. I’m excited when I see I have emails, and then disappointed when they’re not from you. What was I expecting? For you to suddenly say – ‘you know what? You were right, I was wrong, I’m sorry’ – Or – ‘I lied to you, my bad, I’ve never done it before and I’ll never do it again’ – or – ‘maybe we do belong together’ – I sound so desperate, and so stupid, and everything’s just making it worse.
And yet, I feel I have to have a least a little bit of happiness in my blog, cuz after all; I’m doing better than yesterday, right?
So here is a quick overview of my thoughts from this morning.
Self actualisation…
Let’s break that down.
Physical/security needs
Tick and tick! How could I have a problem in this area??
Relationship needs
I have the ninja-est kick-ass friends in the world. My family are all a-okay! My class is getting closer, bonding a bit. My music/maths/IPT class are becoming more familiar, nd people are talking cross room instead of just to their group.
Self-esteem needs
Alas, the happiness of the blog has ended. Because, sure, my self-esteem was right on track, say, last week? But just go along with this hypothetical for a second: Okay, you know this person who never lies, like seriously. Ok, maybe the occasional ‘oh yeah, I’m fine’, but aside from that, Nada! They’re not afraid to hurt you, as long as you know the truth. And they tell you you are amazing. More than that, you’re not a mean person, you’re not a bad person, they tell you things that make you feel good. You believe them, you trust their honesty (OK, so you guys all know how this will end, but just bear with me). And then one day they tell you something that you KNOW isn’t true. It’s just flat out, indisputably a lie. And you discover, they’re just as good a bullshit artist as the next person. Suddenly you realize that everything was a lie, what now? Do you still go along with the idea that you’re a good person, or do you start to listen to the people who can easily identify your flaws? What if everything you believed as true is suddenly a pretence, and everything you treasures ma as well not have existed?
Guys, please don’t feel sorry for me, because I don’t need your sympathy. I’ve surpassed pain, and moved on to anger.
I know that this blog means very little to everyone who will read it. And it means everything to the one person I wish I had the guts to tell about it.
I’m sorry that I’m too much of a coward, and that you have to read through all these blogs I’m writing, simply because I need to vent. I should be writing about CAMP!!!! My birthday, a whole bunch of new, awesome blogs I’ve found. More 6-word memoirs. POST SECRET! I should be making this as fun as possible, or even just writing about my day at school.
But I have to write this somewhere.
I’ve been through this before, but I wrote everything in my diary. I’ve sort of given up on that aside from very small secrets.
I know none of this shit should be here, and if you start reading again, and it’s about ‘him’, you really can just go do something more productive (Have I mentioned 6 word memoirs??).
I’m sorry, but this has to be written, and has to be read. Because it is felt.
And yet, I feel I have to have a least a little bit of happiness in my blog, cuz after all; I’m doing better than yesterday, right?
So here is a quick overview of my thoughts from this morning.
Self actualisation…
Let’s break that down.
Physical/security needs
Tick and tick! How could I have a problem in this area??
Relationship needs
I have the ninja-est kick-ass friends in the world. My family are all a-okay! My class is getting closer, bonding a bit. My music/maths/IPT class are becoming more familiar, nd people are talking cross room instead of just to their group.
Self-esteem needs
Alas, the happiness of the blog has ended. Because, sure, my self-esteem was right on track, say, last week? But just go along with this hypothetical for a second: Okay, you know this person who never lies, like seriously. Ok, maybe the occasional ‘oh yeah, I’m fine’, but aside from that, Nada! They’re not afraid to hurt you, as long as you know the truth. And they tell you you are amazing. More than that, you’re not a mean person, you’re not a bad person, they tell you things that make you feel good. You believe them, you trust their honesty (OK, so you guys all know how this will end, but just bear with me). And then one day they tell you something that you KNOW isn’t true. It’s just flat out, indisputably a lie. And you discover, they’re just as good a bullshit artist as the next person. Suddenly you realize that everything was a lie, what now? Do you still go along with the idea that you’re a good person, or do you start to listen to the people who can easily identify your flaws? What if everything you believed as true is suddenly a pretence, and everything you treasures ma as well not have existed?
Guys, please don’t feel sorry for me, because I don’t need your sympathy. I’ve surpassed pain, and moved on to anger.
I know that this blog means very little to everyone who will read it. And it means everything to the one person I wish I had the guts to tell about it.
I’m sorry that I’m too much of a coward, and that you have to read through all these blogs I’m writing, simply because I need to vent. I should be writing about CAMP!!!! My birthday, a whole bunch of new, awesome blogs I’ve found. More 6-word memoirs. POST SECRET! I should be making this as fun as possible, or even just writing about my day at school.
But I have to write this somewhere.
I’ve been through this before, but I wrote everything in my diary. I’ve sort of given up on that aside from very small secrets.
I know none of this shit should be here, and if you start reading again, and it’s about ‘him’, you really can just go do something more productive (Have I mentioned 6 word memoirs??).
I’m sorry, but this has to be written, and has to be read. Because it is felt.
(im)maturity
its so weird to see all my friends go through these phases i went through years ago...
like, going all emo, wondering why we bother with life.
admittedly i was a little too immature to deal with that one when it came up
it surprises me that other people have only just come across it.
like, caving in, completely imploding.
thoughts scattered, not that they matter
breakdowns over little things
like, a journey of selfdiscovery
who am i? describe me!
i asked my friends that when i was 10
all they could do was joke...they were too immature to deal with that one
like, losing a best friend
that happened to me in year 3
i guess its why i left my first primary
or at least, thats the real reason
huh. never told anyone that before...
ANYWAYS, the point is...
i truly thought i was immature
that i was behind everyone else, cuz im not really 'teenager'y
buh... its just that ive been there... done that (got the Tshirt!)
so, im not saying im mature (LOL!) or anything
ive just... experienced things...
omgsh, this isnt making sense cuz i cant say what i wanna say, cuz itll sound... stupid/desperate
point is im cool. end of story.
like, going all emo, wondering why we bother with life.
admittedly i was a little too immature to deal with that one when it came up
it surprises me that other people have only just come across it.
like, caving in, completely imploding.
thoughts scattered, not that they matter
breakdowns over little things
like, a journey of selfdiscovery
who am i? describe me!
i asked my friends that when i was 10
all they could do was joke...they were too immature to deal with that one
like, losing a best friend
that happened to me in year 3
i guess its why i left my first primary
or at least, thats the real reason
huh. never told anyone that before...
ANYWAYS, the point is...
i truly thought i was immature
that i was behind everyone else, cuz im not really 'teenager'y
buh... its just that ive been there... done that (got the Tshirt!)
so, im not saying im mature (LOL!) or anything
ive just... experienced things...
omgsh, this isnt making sense cuz i cant say what i wanna say, cuz itll sound... stupid/desperate
point is im cool. end of story.
only thoughts in my head.
Really hope I don't love you - ThrivingViolet
Ok, so I was looking at my bebo profile, yeah? And it has this module that asks all these questions. One of them was ‘have you ever been in love?’ my answer ‘once’…
!!!
What the hell? 1. I don't remember even writing that, and 2. Who was I talking about??? I’m really curious now. Everytime I’m in my right mind (i.e. I haven’t watched movie/read book/spoken to any one for an hour)(empathy thing), I seriously counsel myself about love, and the distinct difference between like and love. So, what? Was I just not thinking straight or did I truly believe I’d been in love? Was I? Have I ever been? And if so, with who??
… once
How useless!! What about ‘once… and his/her(in case of MW) name is…’
-------------
I don't think like everyone else. – bsb633
I smiled a lot today. I don’t know whether I was truly happy or just pretending to be. Even when I smiled, I felt this wave of sadness when people asked about you/him/yesterday.
I’ve written about a hundred million memoirs in the past 24 hours, wither in a notebook or on my phone. Most, I’ll never publish… but it’s stuff I’m thinking.
I’m still driving myself insane by overthinking things, but I can smile and laugh with raw honesty. It’s not perfection, and it’s probably not happiness… but I’m a damn sight better than yesterday.
Ok, so I was looking at my bebo profile, yeah? And it has this module that asks all these questions. One of them was ‘have you ever been in love?’ my answer ‘once’…
!!!
What the hell? 1. I don't remember even writing that, and 2. Who was I talking about??? I’m really curious now. Everytime I’m in my right mind (i.e. I haven’t watched movie/read book/spoken to any one for an hour)(empathy thing), I seriously counsel myself about love, and the distinct difference between like and love. So, what? Was I just not thinking straight or did I truly believe I’d been in love? Was I? Have I ever been? And if so, with who??
… once
How useless!! What about ‘once… and his/her(in case of MW) name is…’
-------------
I don't think like everyone else. – bsb633
I smiled a lot today. I don’t know whether I was truly happy or just pretending to be. Even when I smiled, I felt this wave of sadness when people asked about you/him/yesterday.
I’ve written about a hundred million memoirs in the past 24 hours, wither in a notebook or on my phone. Most, I’ll never publish… but it’s stuff I’m thinking.
I’m still driving myself insane by overthinking things, but I can smile and laugh with raw honesty. It’s not perfection, and it’s probably not happiness… but I’m a damn sight better than yesterday.
Monday, 10 November 2008
trying not to overthink it.
Do you think about me too? - coulda.been.a.comet
well i certainly think that deserves a round of applause.
in the past 24 hours i have managed to single handedly push away everyone close to me in the world.
congratulations.
Truth be told, I need you - To.Much.Not.Enuff
i have all these free periods today. music... english... i guess someone upstairs was trying to tell me i needed some thinking time. i didnt exactly listen.
in fact, as much as i wanted to think. i refused to let myself. because what i want and what i need seem to always be exact opposites when it comes to particular facets of my life.
This is how it always begins - October
so i refused myself what i wanted, and figured what i needed must be the only alternative.
i didnt think.
i spoke, of stupid, useless things, that almost held my concentration, but i didnt think.
Basically, my life's way too confusing - StarlightSailing
and then finally, walking home from drama this afternoon, i faced the music, and let it have me. in the 2.5 minutes it took me to walk down that street, i had successfully driven myself completely to breaking point. i just wanted to screem (aside form the fact that i was in a crowded street). and i was probably just about to.
and then, the person upstairs who id been ignoring all day, realised tat i was right, and i should definatly be prohibited from all thoughts. and around the corner drove my dad, my saviour. i stopped thinking again.
To Do: Find more distractions - J600y
and i have tried extraordinarily hard to not think for the duration of the evening.
alas, my mum decided that dinner tonight should be a quiet affair. no talking allowed. and oh what brilliant timing you have too, mother. (of course, timing never has been your strong point, has it?)
i kept talking, however, and was sent to my room. way to make me feel 5 mum, thats soo what i need right now.
Can I have my smile back? - Madds
so, i had no choice but to think. (or talk to myself which i did for 15 minutes before i exhausted all conversation topics). think, i did. i thought abaout everything, and it only took about 3 seconds, so i thought about everything over and over and over again, until everything hurt even more than it had in the first place.
but, then again, what more did i expect? that suddenly everything would be fine, just because ive been avoiding it?
I choose to express through quotes - coulda.been.a.comet
well i certainly think that deserves a round of applause.
in the past 24 hours i have managed to single handedly push away everyone close to me in the world.
congratulations.
Truth be told, I need you - To.Much.Not.Enuff
i have all these free periods today. music... english... i guess someone upstairs was trying to tell me i needed some thinking time. i didnt exactly listen.
in fact, as much as i wanted to think. i refused to let myself. because what i want and what i need seem to always be exact opposites when it comes to particular facets of my life.
This is how it always begins - October
so i refused myself what i wanted, and figured what i needed must be the only alternative.
i didnt think.
i spoke, of stupid, useless things, that almost held my concentration, but i didnt think.
Basically, my life's way too confusing - StarlightSailing
and then finally, walking home from drama this afternoon, i faced the music, and let it have me. in the 2.5 minutes it took me to walk down that street, i had successfully driven myself completely to breaking point. i just wanted to screem (aside form the fact that i was in a crowded street). and i was probably just about to.
and then, the person upstairs who id been ignoring all day, realised tat i was right, and i should definatly be prohibited from all thoughts. and around the corner drove my dad, my saviour. i stopped thinking again.
To Do: Find more distractions - J600y
and i have tried extraordinarily hard to not think for the duration of the evening.
alas, my mum decided that dinner tonight should be a quiet affair. no talking allowed. and oh what brilliant timing you have too, mother. (of course, timing never has been your strong point, has it?)
i kept talking, however, and was sent to my room. way to make me feel 5 mum, thats soo what i need right now.
Can I have my smile back? - Madds
so, i had no choice but to think. (or talk to myself which i did for 15 minutes before i exhausted all conversation topics). think, i did. i thought abaout everything, and it only took about 3 seconds, so i thought about everything over and over and over again, until everything hurt even more than it had in the first place.
but, then again, what more did i expect? that suddenly everything would be fine, just because ive been avoiding it?
I choose to express through quotes - coulda.been.a.comet
This should be on bebo
I don’t want you guys to read this.
But I’m too scared to put it on my bebo blog, because it means more to people that read that blog than it does to you. Maybe more than it does to me.
So read it if you want, but don’t read too much into it.
I just need to vent…
Too hard. Much too hard. I don't know what I think or why I think it. Angel, devil, right, wrong…neither of them care!!! I don’t get it! I don't get you, I don't get me, and more importantly, I don’t get how I feel about you. Or him... But I don't care how I feel about him!! Do I?? I'll figure out that, once I’ve figure out you.
I've been so out of it all day. People ask me what's wrong, I tell them it's a "personal thing" (thanks Jenny :)) which is true, I guess, but come on!! I have no life other than this. I've never had a life at the same time as you, I have to prioritise. But why do you always come first?
I don't want you to, not anymore. I hate so much that I feel like this. Not just the confusion, but also the falling for you all over again... because of a stupid song!! You did nothing; I did nothing; what changed???
But I’m too scared to put it on my bebo blog, because it means more to people that read that blog than it does to you. Maybe more than it does to me.
So read it if you want, but don’t read too much into it.
I just need to vent…
Too hard. Much too hard. I don't know what I think or why I think it. Angel, devil, right, wrong…neither of them care!!! I don’t get it! I don't get you, I don't get me, and more importantly, I don’t get how I feel about you. Or him... But I don't care how I feel about him!! Do I?? I'll figure out that, once I’ve figure out you.
I've been so out of it all day. People ask me what's wrong, I tell them it's a "personal thing" (thanks Jenny :)) which is true, I guess, but come on!! I have no life other than this. I've never had a life at the same time as you, I have to prioritise. But why do you always come first?
I don't want you to, not anymore. I hate so much that I feel like this. Not just the confusion, but also the falling for you all over again... because of a stupid song!! You did nothing; I did nothing; what changed???
Sunday, 9 November 2008
Empathy/I'm sorry.
Luke Moore.
Awesomely awesome main guy.
He’s intriguing.
Partly because he’s never defined, and partly because he is awesomely awesome.
Loosely based around every guy I’ve ever liked (included fictional characters), some more than others.
Physical description: Very similar to Elle. Short brown hair and soft brown eyes. Slightly above average height. Beautiful, but only if you look hard enough.
Emotional description: Very aware of surrounding people’s thoughts/feelings which highly influence him. Empathetic. But very closed. Finds it hard to express his feelings.
Social description: Has a best bud Hayden who’s pretty cool. They tell each other most everything, but mainly have heaps of fun together.
-----------------------------------------------------
6 words: I cry daily now. so pathetic. – cornn
Empathy.
My problem is empathy.
This is why I was so depressed whilst reading new moon. This is why I was all lovey dovey after reading breaking dawn. This why, when I was little, and I had lists of ‘reasons to stay alive’, one of the reasons was “Feeling happy, like after a movie” (because movies finish happy, and thus, I am happy). This is why I love being around people who are happy. This is why I felt all confessional last Thursday at drama J
Because I am empathetic. Because, whatever people around me are feeling, I feel it too. I feed off vibes. It’s what I do.
Like some of you peoples know (and some are about to find out), I am the most sensitive person in the world. EVERY SINGLE movie I watch, I cry. My claim to fame: I cried during Happy Feet. Even books. First book I cried in – Rainbow Fish. I was very happy that he was unselfish enough to share his scales. After that, books like Anne of Green Gables (when Matthew died), The Land Of Blue Mountains (when the dog gave up his heart for the little girl), the shitty Kitty book we read for English (all through parts 2 and 3, the book was boring! Still don’t know why I cried) and, of course, the Twilight Saga. I’m getting worse as I get older (did you hear about happy feat? The leopard seal was chasing the penguin, oh shiz!), I’ve started crying listening to songs, yes I am that sad.
So, all this time I’ve spent being overly sensitive, I’ve thought I was a freak. (OK, I’ve KNOWN I was a freak). But mum has always told me “Never be ashamed of being sensitive” (I know, I know, it sounds like “mummy says I’m special no matter what the other kids say”), and, until recently, I never have been.
But in the last few years, it has really become unbearable. I cry every ANZAC day, even before we see people marching, I think “wow, all these amazing people were willing to give up their lives, just for us” and snap, I’m bawling (yes, I am crying, after having written that).
I don’t want to be that person anymore. As much as I love being in touch with my emotions, it really makes life unbearable. Everytime I talk to someone who is upset, I feel it too. It does, occasionally, make me good at giving advice. I’m normally good at understanding two sides of a story, and I’m usually fair. (Unless one side is better for me, then I can be bias).
Lately I’m getting less empathetic and more sensitive. Things hurt me so much that other people’s problems, by comparison, are dulled. I feel like I’m not there for people, because I can’t understand them. I can’t understand why they make big deals out of little things.
Big(ish) things are going on with me right now. But big things are going on with other people too, I guess, I’m trying to say: I’m sorry if I haven’t been there for you, and I apologise in advance for how distracted I’ll be in the next few days until I figure out… well… everything.
I love my friends, especially the ones who read my blogs ;). You guys rock my socks! Just put up with me for a bit, okay? :)
Awesomely awesome main guy.
He’s intriguing.
Partly because he’s never defined, and partly because he is awesomely awesome.
Loosely based around every guy I’ve ever liked (included fictional characters), some more than others.
Physical description: Very similar to Elle. Short brown hair and soft brown eyes. Slightly above average height. Beautiful, but only if you look hard enough.
Emotional description: Very aware of surrounding people’s thoughts/feelings which highly influence him. Empathetic. But very closed. Finds it hard to express his feelings.
Social description: Has a best bud Hayden who’s pretty cool. They tell each other most everything, but mainly have heaps of fun together.
-----------------------------------------------------
6 words: I cry daily now. so pathetic. – cornn
Empathy.
My problem is empathy.
This is why I was so depressed whilst reading new moon. This is why I was all lovey dovey after reading breaking dawn. This why, when I was little, and I had lists of ‘reasons to stay alive’, one of the reasons was “Feeling happy, like after a movie” (because movies finish happy, and thus, I am happy). This is why I love being around people who are happy. This is why I felt all confessional last Thursday at drama J
Because I am empathetic. Because, whatever people around me are feeling, I feel it too. I feed off vibes. It’s what I do.
Like some of you peoples know (and some are about to find out), I am the most sensitive person in the world. EVERY SINGLE movie I watch, I cry. My claim to fame: I cried during Happy Feet. Even books. First book I cried in – Rainbow Fish. I was very happy that he was unselfish enough to share his scales. After that, books like Anne of Green Gables (when Matthew died), The Land Of Blue Mountains (when the dog gave up his heart for the little girl), the shitty Kitty book we read for English (all through parts 2 and 3, the book was boring! Still don’t know why I cried) and, of course, the Twilight Saga. I’m getting worse as I get older (did you hear about happy feat? The leopard seal was chasing the penguin, oh shiz!), I’ve started crying listening to songs, yes I am that sad.
So, all this time I’ve spent being overly sensitive, I’ve thought I was a freak. (OK, I’ve KNOWN I was a freak). But mum has always told me “Never be ashamed of being sensitive” (I know, I know, it sounds like “mummy says I’m special no matter what the other kids say”), and, until recently, I never have been.
But in the last few years, it has really become unbearable. I cry every ANZAC day, even before we see people marching, I think “wow, all these amazing people were willing to give up their lives, just for us” and snap, I’m bawling (yes, I am crying, after having written that).
I don’t want to be that person anymore. As much as I love being in touch with my emotions, it really makes life unbearable. Everytime I talk to someone who is upset, I feel it too. It does, occasionally, make me good at giving advice. I’m normally good at understanding two sides of a story, and I’m usually fair. (Unless one side is better for me, then I can be bias).
Lately I’m getting less empathetic and more sensitive. Things hurt me so much that other people’s problems, by comparison, are dulled. I feel like I’m not there for people, because I can’t understand them. I can’t understand why they make big deals out of little things.
Big(ish) things are going on with me right now. But big things are going on with other people too, I guess, I’m trying to say: I’m sorry if I haven’t been there for you, and I apologise in advance for how distracted I’ll be in the next few days until I figure out… well… everything.
I love my friends, especially the ones who read my blogs ;). You guys rock my socks! Just put up with me for a bit, okay? :)
Saturday, 8 November 2008
08-11-08
OK, my story at the top of my blogs can only go so far before I actually give the characters names.
So, as of today, I am going to write character profiles for the main characters
Elle Scott (you have no idea it took me to come up with that name!)
Main character – story is told from her perspective.
Lives with mother (Rebecca), father (Andrew), younger sister (Chloe) and pet dog – Jack.
Loosely based around me - very, very loosely. As in, almost not even there, and yet, I bothered mentioning it, so there to some extent.
Physical description: Very, very average. Medium brown, shoulder length hair. Medium height. Brown eyes – very expressive. She’s nice looking, not overly gorgeous or anything, just, pleasant – it’s very humbling. (:L)
Emotional description: She knows what’s going on – intuitive, if you will. She finds herself easily hurt, but she can always figure out a way to fix it. She has a hot temper, hot in that it is harsh, but it takes a lot for her to lose it.
Social description: Has one main friend whom you will meet later as she doesn’t have a name yet. Socialises well with other people – but appreciates time spent alone.
Stay tuned for a desciption of Luke Moore.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Part 1’s 6 words: Nothing more beautiful than broken, right? – coulda.been.a.comet
A lot of people around me have been broken lately.
And a lot of people in my life have broken others.
I guess, I’m just sick of it.
I don’t understand why people can’t just get along, why everything is complex.
I don’t understand why people blame themselves for things they didn’t do.
I don’t understand why people can’t talk it out, and fix it.
I don’t understand why people assume things of others without checking if it’s true.
Why do people think they know better? They don’t!
“You don’t understand cuz you’re not me”
Yeah, but I’ve been you. I know you think that I’m stupid and I don’t understand anything, but I’ve seen it all.
I’ve seen friends drift apart because of boys, exam marks, parents, and other friends. I’ve seen people fight because of misunderstandings, and I’ve seen people in pain over things they’ve imagined.
I don’t like seeing people hurt so much, but they won’t talk to me about it. I try so hard to let them know I’m here, but I feel if I bring it up, I’m prying.
I wish people could just be friends. I wish I could go back to kindergarten, where sharing crayons made you lifelong pals. I wish a smile could fix a friendship. I wish memories actually meant something, and that people actually remembered. I wish everything was different…
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Part 2’s 6 words: Everything reminds me of you, always. – Esalamy
I don’t want you guys (readers)to know who this is about, but I need to get this out. So try not to figure it out. Read if you wish, but speak of it to no one. =)
I thought… it would stop hurting. I thought that moving on would mean something. I thought time could heal all wounds. But… I wasn’t ready to move on.
I fought myself to forget you, I tried so hard to pretend you meant nothing.
You were my life. Truly. My everything. When you lose your everything, what is left? Nothingness.
And amidst my nothingness, I found a something. Then I convinced myself that something could be an everything. I tried so hard to make that something an everything, and I succumbed to my wishes.
By when I lost my something, it was only an echo of what I felt when I lost you.
It made me realise how powerful we were.
I finally felt like me when I was with you.
You were wonderful enough to love my perks, and stupid enough to love my quirks.
Every part of my being loved you, wholly and passionately.
I still miss what we were, and what we could have been. I’ve been thinking so much more about us lately. I’ve finally gotten over you, and I’m letting myself miss you. Miss everything you were to me.
So I’m not still in love with you, and I don’t still wish you were mine. Everything I see reminds me of you, but I’m finally okay with that.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Part 3’s 6 words: Stephenie Meyer has improved my vocabulary. – Ebony =)
Okay, so after reading the Twilight series (several times), I have realized something.
My vocabulary is shit!!
Seriously, half the words she used, I couldn’t even pronounce! My sister read the books along with her dictionary, but I refused to sink to such levels!! So, half the books made so sense (:L).
Anywho…
I have decided that, my vocabulary being shit and all, I will learn new words!!
You know, all those words in the dictionary that no one uses, but they make you feel smart that you know what they mean.
Yeah, them, I’m gonna start learning what they all mean.
Today’s smarticle word: mendacious
Oh, but Ebony, what does this word mean? And why the hell do you care??
This word means: Telling lies, especially habitually; dishonest, lying, untruthful.
I care because: …I can’t remember where, but I saw it somewhere and I thought, crap, I wonder what that means. =)
So, in the future, maybe we shall all become more smarticle
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Part 4’s 6 words: We Write Because We Have To. – LoveMeEasy
And JUST IN CASE you’re really bored, and have read the whole blog and are searching for more.
There is this really pretty 6 word memoir written by ‘kiwi’.
YEAH! GO THE SOUTHERN HEMISPHERE!!
Anyway, it really touched me, as did ALLL of the associated comments.
Here’s the link.
And I’m not even gonna tell you what it is! Cuz I want you to click the link! Click it! Click it!!
My blog is over!! So go and see the 6 words that made my day back on October 16.
LEAVE!!!(and click the link).
So, as of today, I am going to write character profiles for the main characters
Elle Scott (you have no idea it took me to come up with that name!)
Main character – story is told from her perspective.
Lives with mother (Rebecca), father (Andrew), younger sister (Chloe) and pet dog – Jack.
Loosely based around me - very, very loosely. As in, almost not even there, and yet, I bothered mentioning it, so there to some extent.
Physical description: Very, very average. Medium brown, shoulder length hair. Medium height. Brown eyes – very expressive. She’s nice looking, not overly gorgeous or anything, just, pleasant – it’s very humbling. (:L)
Emotional description: She knows what’s going on – intuitive, if you will. She finds herself easily hurt, but she can always figure out a way to fix it. She has a hot temper, hot in that it is harsh, but it takes a lot for her to lose it.
Social description: Has one main friend whom you will meet later as she doesn’t have a name yet. Socialises well with other people – but appreciates time spent alone.
Stay tuned for a desciption of Luke Moore.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Part 1’s 6 words: Nothing more beautiful than broken, right? – coulda.been.a.comet
A lot of people around me have been broken lately.
And a lot of people in my life have broken others.
I guess, I’m just sick of it.
I don’t understand why people can’t just get along, why everything is complex.
I don’t understand why people blame themselves for things they didn’t do.
I don’t understand why people can’t talk it out, and fix it.
I don’t understand why people assume things of others without checking if it’s true.
Why do people think they know better? They don’t!
“You don’t understand cuz you’re not me”
Yeah, but I’ve been you. I know you think that I’m stupid and I don’t understand anything, but I’ve seen it all.
I’ve seen friends drift apart because of boys, exam marks, parents, and other friends. I’ve seen people fight because of misunderstandings, and I’ve seen people in pain over things they’ve imagined.
I don’t like seeing people hurt so much, but they won’t talk to me about it. I try so hard to let them know I’m here, but I feel if I bring it up, I’m prying.
I wish people could just be friends. I wish I could go back to kindergarten, where sharing crayons made you lifelong pals. I wish a smile could fix a friendship. I wish memories actually meant something, and that people actually remembered. I wish everything was different…
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Part 2’s 6 words: Everything reminds me of you, always. – Esalamy
I don’t want you guys (readers)to know who this is about, but I need to get this out. So try not to figure it out. Read if you wish, but speak of it to no one. =)
I thought… it would stop hurting. I thought that moving on would mean something. I thought time could heal all wounds. But… I wasn’t ready to move on.
I fought myself to forget you, I tried so hard to pretend you meant nothing.
You were my life. Truly. My everything. When you lose your everything, what is left? Nothingness.
And amidst my nothingness, I found a something. Then I convinced myself that something could be an everything. I tried so hard to make that something an everything, and I succumbed to my wishes.
By when I lost my something, it was only an echo of what I felt when I lost you.
It made me realise how powerful we were.
I finally felt like me when I was with you.
You were wonderful enough to love my perks, and stupid enough to love my quirks.
Every part of my being loved you, wholly and passionately.
I still miss what we were, and what we could have been. I’ve been thinking so much more about us lately. I’ve finally gotten over you, and I’m letting myself miss you. Miss everything you were to me.
So I’m not still in love with you, and I don’t still wish you were mine. Everything I see reminds me of you, but I’m finally okay with that.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Part 3’s 6 words: Stephenie Meyer has improved my vocabulary. – Ebony =)
Okay, so after reading the Twilight series (several times), I have realized something.
My vocabulary is shit!!
Seriously, half the words she used, I couldn’t even pronounce! My sister read the books along with her dictionary, but I refused to sink to such levels!! So, half the books made so sense (:L).
Anywho…
I have decided that, my vocabulary being shit and all, I will learn new words!!
You know, all those words in the dictionary that no one uses, but they make you feel smart that you know what they mean.
Yeah, them, I’m gonna start learning what they all mean.
Today’s smarticle word: mendacious
Oh, but Ebony, what does this word mean? And why the hell do you care??
This word means: Telling lies, especially habitually; dishonest, lying, untruthful.
I care because: …I can’t remember where, but I saw it somewhere and I thought, crap, I wonder what that means. =)
So, in the future, maybe we shall all become more smarticle
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Part 4’s 6 words: We Write Because We Have To. – LoveMeEasy
And JUST IN CASE you’re really bored, and have read the whole blog and are searching for more.
There is this really pretty 6 word memoir written by ‘kiwi’.
YEAH! GO THE SOUTHERN HEMISPHERE!!
Anyway, it really touched me, as did ALLL of the associated comments.
Here’s the link.
And I’m not even gonna tell you what it is! Cuz I want you to click the link! Click it! Click it!!
My blog is over!! So go and see the 6 words that made my day back on October 16.
LEAVE!!!(and click the link).
Friday, 7 November 2008
I have a lot to say today
"Hello???"
My eyes refocused as my hed snapped up to look at her. She looked a little anxious, but I continued to gaze absently at her.
"What you looking at?" She asked with a smile as her eyes followed the path mine had been on seconds earlier. I tried to shake my head so she wouldn't look, but I realised it was too late. The smile slid from her face as comprehension dawned, she knew it was him.
"Oh right" she looked uncomfortable that she'd seen something she knew was so personal to me.
"I'm sorry" I still felt that this my fault. After all, it most probably was.
"Don't apologise" she paused "You can't help it" she mumbled, as she looked away.
She had a point. It was difficult for me to resist looking for him everyday. Difficult not to know where he was at every second, she knew it made me anxious.
"Still sorry though" I felt so bad, I never gave her a second thought, he had become my life now.
"Yeah, I know" and we continued to eat in silence.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Part 1's 6 words: I've taken residence inside my books. - angelica
I just wanna blog about New Moon again.
Go away if you’re sick of my twilightis.
OK, Bella? Dearest, darling, silly silly girl. See that guy over there, Jacob? Yeah? He’s perfect for you. And Edward? He let you go. That’s because he is an IDIOT!
He thinks he’s in love with you cuz he heard you say his name when you were asleep. You think you’re in love with him, because he FINALLY started talking to you again.
Jacob wants to be there for you. Actually have a conversation with you. Spend time with you without wanting to suck your blood. He wants to love you. He thinks you can be divine, and it’s hurting him that you won’t give him a chance.
So, Edward? Even if he does come back (as we all know he will, cuz this is a storybook, not reality), he’s not worth it. Because he thought you would be better off if he left. Prove him right.
He never really loved you, just as you never really loved him. What you thought was love, was merely attraction, and he didn’t deserve for you to think of him as you did. You know you love Jacob. Deep down, you know that you two can be extraordinary. Let him love you too.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
New Moon Part Over.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Part 2's 6 words: Nobody's judging you now. Just write. - October
OK, a big hello!!! To all the really cool people who have started 6 word memoir accounts, even if you've only posted a few times, you guys are fully rocking my socks right now.
And even if, at first, you find it hard to post your deepest darkest secrets on the Internet, one day, you'll try it, and probably get feautured, and from then on, you won't be afraid. So take it in your stride, learn from other people, enjoy the anonymity of it.
Keep in mind:
There are people out there that have it harder than you, never diss someone for what they think.
People love comments; comment lots, let people know when you enjoy their work.
Someone in that beautiful teen community feels the exact same way about something as you, let it out, so they won't feel so alone.
And of course, you will start thinking in 6 words. This is one of the mant hazards of going on the site too much. But use it! Think everything in 6 words, publish it, and you will have a beautiful documentation of your every thought.
---------------------------------------------------
Part 3's 6 words: Let's say I AM two people... - Shadowesque
Ever have that feeling, where you don't know what to do...
And it's like, you have 2 options.
The Angel
and the Devil
(couldnt you just hear those capitals?)
You know that you should choose the angel.
You know that the angel is the right thing to do.
It's tempting to choose the angel.
You know that you might choose the devil.
The devil will make you happier.
It's tempting to choose the devil.
And then, sometimes, you don't even know which one is which.
Because, sometimes, the options you have, they're both wrong!
There's no black and white, they're grey.
How do you figure out which decision to make?
When both could be so wrong.
Do you do what's right for yourself, or those around you.
Should you sacrifise your well-being to make someone happy?
Do you do what's right for friends or family.
Which takes priority, your heart or your soul?
And the all important:
Do I will do what feels right to me? The option that will make more people happy? The option that puts smiles on faces.
Or do I choose to listen to people giving me advice? The option that hurts people, that hurts me, but is better for me.
--------------------------------------
THE END.
My eyes refocused as my hed snapped up to look at her. She looked a little anxious, but I continued to gaze absently at her.
"What you looking at?" She asked with a smile as her eyes followed the path mine had been on seconds earlier. I tried to shake my head so she wouldn't look, but I realised it was too late. The smile slid from her face as comprehension dawned, she knew it was him.
"Oh right" she looked uncomfortable that she'd seen something she knew was so personal to me.
"I'm sorry" I still felt that this my fault. After all, it most probably was.
"Don't apologise" she paused "You can't help it" she mumbled, as she looked away.
She had a point. It was difficult for me to resist looking for him everyday. Difficult not to know where he was at every second, she knew it made me anxious.
"Still sorry though" I felt so bad, I never gave her a second thought, he had become my life now.
"Yeah, I know" and we continued to eat in silence.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Part 1's 6 words: I've taken residence inside my books. - angelica
I just wanna blog about New Moon again.
Go away if you’re sick of my twilightis.
OK, Bella? Dearest, darling, silly silly girl. See that guy over there, Jacob? Yeah? He’s perfect for you. And Edward? He let you go. That’s because he is an IDIOT!
He thinks he’s in love with you cuz he heard you say his name when you were asleep. You think you’re in love with him, because he FINALLY started talking to you again.
Jacob wants to be there for you. Actually have a conversation with you. Spend time with you without wanting to suck your blood. He wants to love you. He thinks you can be divine, and it’s hurting him that you won’t give him a chance.
So, Edward? Even if he does come back (as we all know he will, cuz this is a storybook, not reality), he’s not worth it. Because he thought you would be better off if he left. Prove him right.
He never really loved you, just as you never really loved him. What you thought was love, was merely attraction, and he didn’t deserve for you to think of him as you did. You know you love Jacob. Deep down, you know that you two can be extraordinary. Let him love you too.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
New Moon Part Over.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Part 2's 6 words: Nobody's judging you now. Just write. - October
OK, a big hello!!! To all the really cool people who have started 6 word memoir accounts, even if you've only posted a few times, you guys are fully rocking my socks right now.
And even if, at first, you find it hard to post your deepest darkest secrets on the Internet, one day, you'll try it, and probably get feautured, and from then on, you won't be afraid. So take it in your stride, learn from other people, enjoy the anonymity of it.
Keep in mind:
There are people out there that have it harder than you, never diss someone for what they think.
People love comments; comment lots, let people know when you enjoy their work.
Someone in that beautiful teen community feels the exact same way about something as you, let it out, so they won't feel so alone.
And of course, you will start thinking in 6 words. This is one of the mant hazards of going on the site too much. But use it! Think everything in 6 words, publish it, and you will have a beautiful documentation of your every thought.
---------------------------------------------------
Part 3's 6 words: Let's say I AM two people... - Shadowesque
Ever have that feeling, where you don't know what to do...
And it's like, you have 2 options.
The Angel
and the Devil
(couldnt you just hear those capitals?)
You know that you should choose the angel.
You know that the angel is the right thing to do.
It's tempting to choose the angel.
You know that you might choose the devil.
The devil will make you happier.
It's tempting to choose the devil.
And then, sometimes, you don't even know which one is which.
Because, sometimes, the options you have, they're both wrong!
There's no black and white, they're grey.
How do you figure out which decision to make?
When both could be so wrong.
Do you do what's right for yourself, or those around you.
Should you sacrifise your well-being to make someone happy?
Do you do what's right for friends or family.
Which takes priority, your heart or your soul?
And the all important:
Do I will do what feels right to me? The option that will make more people happy? The option that puts smiles on faces.
Or do I choose to listen to people giving me advice? The option that hurts people, that hurts me, but is better for me.
--------------------------------------
THE END.
Thursday, 6 November 2008
NaBloPoMo2008
NO STORY =O
----------------------------------------------
Today’s 6 words: I’m not jealous, I just care – soulcages
Guess what month it is in America????
You: November!!
ME: WRONG!!!!
It’s national blog posting month!!! (NaBloPoMo2008)
Which means????
Many American bloggers have taken it upon themselves to blog EVERYDAY for a month! Every day of November!!!
So I have decided that I am SICK AND TIRED of Americans always thinking that they are better than everyone else! And I have taken it upon myself to ATTEMPT to blog EveryDay for November, proving that Aussies are JUSTASCOOL.
Problemo: Camp.
On the 18th/19th of November, I will not have access to a computer. =O
So, I will continue blogging through the beginning of December, sorry guys, that’s the best I can do.
Unless I get someone to guest blog… but I’m not that sad.
So, yeah. I will blog all month.
Keep in mind, you don’t have to read it. It will just be there.
----------------------------------------------
Today’s 6 words: I’m not jealous, I just care – soulcages
Guess what month it is in America????
You: November!!
ME: WRONG!!!!
It’s national blog posting month!!! (NaBloPoMo2008)
Which means????
Many American bloggers have taken it upon themselves to blog EVERYDAY for a month! Every day of November!!!
So I have decided that I am SICK AND TIRED of Americans always thinking that they are better than everyone else! And I have taken it upon myself to ATTEMPT to blog EveryDay for November, proving that Aussies are JUSTASCOOL.
Problemo: Camp.
On the 18th/19th of November, I will not have access to a computer. =O
So, I will continue blogging through the beginning of December, sorry guys, that’s the best I can do.
Unless I get someone to guest blog… but I’m not that sad.
So, yeah. I will blog all month.
Keep in mind, you don’t have to read it. It will just be there.
Wednesday, 5 November 2008
Thriving Violet
“But we’re friends”
I hated it when she guilted me like that. Sure, we’re friends, but there are some things she wouldn’t understand, even if I told her.
“I know, I know, it’s just…” Tell her the truth, come on you can do it! Say it!
“Just…?” She looked ready to contradict whatever I said
“Complicated” I answered.
She glowered at me “complicated?” she asked disbelievingly.I knew it would be like that. Everytime I try to explain, she dismisses me, sometimes it really makes me question our friendship. But I know she’s just concerned about me, my behaviour had certainly been a little off lately.
-----------------------------------------------
Hmmm,
I actually have some of substance to talk about today.
Inspired by ‘Thriving Violet’.
I know, I know, you guys will get sick of me continually getting blogmaterial from 6word memoir site, but you’ll forgive me, and I will continue to tax it J
Ok, so here is what ‘Thriving Violet’ had to say for herself.
The storm is calming. Or eye?
Very clever, no?
And, although it would have been better in more than 6 words, it definitely gets the point across, the point I am trying to make. Which is: Is my life actually getting better? Happier? Cooler? More fulfilling? OR is this just the middle of something bigger??
Something to think about, no?
Because, today, well… this morning, things were looking cool. I thought that it was all good, that I had nothing to worry about. And then, in class and even at recess/lunch, things started sucking again. And I don’t even know why. So I’m just wondering, is the storm calming? Or is this just the eye?
I hated it when she guilted me like that. Sure, we’re friends, but there are some things she wouldn’t understand, even if I told her.
“I know, I know, it’s just…” Tell her the truth, come on you can do it! Say it!
“Just…?” She looked ready to contradict whatever I said
“Complicated” I answered.
She glowered at me “complicated?” she asked disbelievingly.I knew it would be like that. Everytime I try to explain, she dismisses me, sometimes it really makes me question our friendship. But I know she’s just concerned about me, my behaviour had certainly been a little off lately.
-----------------------------------------------
Hmmm,
I actually have some of substance to talk about today.
Inspired by ‘Thriving Violet’.
I know, I know, you guys will get sick of me continually getting blogmaterial from 6word memoir site, but you’ll forgive me, and I will continue to tax it J
Ok, so here is what ‘Thriving Violet’ had to say for herself.
The storm is calming. Or eye?
Very clever, no?
And, although it would have been better in more than 6 words, it definitely gets the point across, the point I am trying to make. Which is: Is my life actually getting better? Happier? Cooler? More fulfilling? OR is this just the middle of something bigger??
Something to think about, no?
Because, today, well… this morning, things were looking cool. I thought that it was all good, that I had nothing to worry about. And then, in class and even at recess/lunch, things started sucking again. And I don’t even know why. So I’m just wondering, is the storm calming? Or is this just the eye?
Tuesday, 4 November 2008
041108
I don’t know that I was necessarily angry, just, perhaps, a little annoyed. Mainly with myself. Mainly for not knowing how I felt about him.
I mean, sure, he was nice, kind, funny, good-looking, and already in love with me. I just didn’t know if that was enough. I had this habit of giving all of myself, all of the time, and I still couldn’t figure out if I was yet over _____.
And even if I was, did that mean I automatically needed to enter another relationship? In fact, did I really need to care about guys at all?
But still, I felt I had to choose – one or the other. Which one was the best? Which one was the right decision?
“It doesn’t matter!” I sternly told myself aloud. I didn’t need to like one or the other, I could swear off guys for a little while.
“Then why do you care?” I asked myself.
-----------------------------------------------------
Today’s 6 words:
Just a face in the crowd – coulda.been.a.comet
Life is nice right now. I think I’m slowly becoming self-actualised. It’s a good feeling.
Friends: my group is improving, beginning to feel more like a group again, especially this week. I think we’ll be ok, I hope we’re all good by the time camp comes. Some of still have unresolved issues, but I’m pretty sure we’ll all make it out alive.
All outside of group friendships are improving for me. Which is very good. People are getting happier, problems are getting smaller, things are looking up. :)
Family: We’re just as tight as ever. My sis won $24 in Melbourne Cup. Family is bonding over diets (:L) and Australian Idol. Mum’s been working weekends and nights lately, so not home as much as usual, but it’ll be okay, she’s not working tonight… maybe we’ll play cards :)
School: Teachers are piling in homework, which I will do once done here, but I’m starting to pay attention in class. I care about doing well, probably because all my exam marks were so bad. I keep thinking I’m gonna get an okay one, and then BAM! Under 70%. *sigh
Love: not even worth mentioning, but it’s one of the four lives, so I will. Pretty dead, really. Very confusing… I dunno, it just is.
Overall: I'm ahppy, and maybe I don't even have a reason. But I'm smiling on the inside, and that's good enough for me.
I mean, sure, he was nice, kind, funny, good-looking, and already in love with me. I just didn’t know if that was enough. I had this habit of giving all of myself, all of the time, and I still couldn’t figure out if I was yet over _____.
And even if I was, did that mean I automatically needed to enter another relationship? In fact, did I really need to care about guys at all?
But still, I felt I had to choose – one or the other. Which one was the best? Which one was the right decision?
“It doesn’t matter!” I sternly told myself aloud. I didn’t need to like one or the other, I could swear off guys for a little while.
“Then why do you care?” I asked myself.
-----------------------------------------------------
Today’s 6 words:
Just a face in the crowd – coulda.been.a.comet
Life is nice right now. I think I’m slowly becoming self-actualised. It’s a good feeling.
Friends: my group is improving, beginning to feel more like a group again, especially this week. I think we’ll be ok, I hope we’re all good by the time camp comes. Some of still have unresolved issues, but I’m pretty sure we’ll all make it out alive.
All outside of group friendships are improving for me. Which is very good. People are getting happier, problems are getting smaller, things are looking up. :)
Family: We’re just as tight as ever. My sis won $24 in Melbourne Cup. Family is bonding over diets (:L) and Australian Idol. Mum’s been working weekends and nights lately, so not home as much as usual, but it’ll be okay, she’s not working tonight… maybe we’ll play cards :)
School: Teachers are piling in homework, which I will do once done here, but I’m starting to pay attention in class. I care about doing well, probably because all my exam marks were so bad. I keep thinking I’m gonna get an okay one, and then BAM! Under 70%. *sigh
Love: not even worth mentioning, but it’s one of the four lives, so I will. Pretty dead, really. Very confusing… I dunno, it just is.
Overall: I'm ahppy, and maybe I don't even have a reason. But I'm smiling on the inside, and that's good enough for me.
Monday, 3 November 2008
I'd Lie - Taylor Swift
You were like, gone, all last week
Your sister: My brother is really really sick
Thanks, that wasn't at all unsettling
Considering you'd been away for most the week, and when you came back on Wednesday, it was only for HALF THE DAY! bludger.
And then ur mummy picked you up. lucky...
i sorta just want to know if you're ok
I miss you, and I'm worried about you.
Which sounds stupid, but is true.
Stil away today... still miss you...
Please... just come back, and look OK. Not like last week. Look healthy again.
I don’t think that passenger seat
Has ever looked this good to me
He tells me about his night
And I count the colors in his eyes
He’ll never fall in love he swears
As he runs his fingers through his hair
I’m laughing cause I hope he's wrong
I don't think it ever crossed his mind
He tells a joke I fake a smile
That I know all his favorite songs
And..
[chorus:]
I could tell you his favorite color's green
He loves to argue, born on the seventeenth
His sister's beautiful, he has his father’s eyes
And if you asked me if I love him,
I’d lie
He looks around the room
Innocently overlooks the truth
Shouldn’t a light go on?
Doesn’t he know that I’ve had him memorized for so long?
He sees everything black and white
Never let nobody see him cry
I don’t let nobody see me wishing he was mine
[chorus]
He stands there then walks away
My god if I could only say
I’m holding every breath for you...
He’d never tell you but he can play guitar
I think he can see through everything
But my heart
First thought when I wake up is
My god he’s beautiful
So I put on my make up
And pray for a miracle
Yes I could tell you his favorite color's green
He loves to argue oh and it kills me
His sister's beautiful he has his father’s eyes
And if you asked me if I love him
If you asked me if I love him
I’d lie
Your sister: My brother is really really sick
Thanks, that wasn't at all unsettling
Considering you'd been away for most the week, and when you came back on Wednesday, it was only for HALF THE DAY! bludger.
And then ur mummy picked you up. lucky...
i sorta just want to know if you're ok
I miss you, and I'm worried about you.
Which sounds stupid, but is true.
Stil away today... still miss you...
Please... just come back, and look OK. Not like last week. Look healthy again.
I don’t think that passenger seat
Has ever looked this good to me
He tells me about his night
And I count the colors in his eyes
He’ll never fall in love he swears
As he runs his fingers through his hair
I’m laughing cause I hope he's wrong
I don't think it ever crossed his mind
He tells a joke I fake a smile
That I know all his favorite songs
And..
[chorus:]
I could tell you his favorite color's green
He loves to argue, born on the seventeenth
His sister's beautiful, he has his father’s eyes
And if you asked me if I love him,
I’d lie
He looks around the room
Innocently overlooks the truth
Shouldn’t a light go on?
Doesn’t he know that I’ve had him memorized for so long?
He sees everything black and white
Never let nobody see him cry
I don’t let nobody see me wishing he was mine
[chorus]
He stands there then walks away
My god if I could only say
I’m holding every breath for you...
He’d never tell you but he can play guitar
I think he can see through everything
But my heart
First thought when I wake up is
My god he’s beautiful
So I put on my make up
And pray for a miracle
Yes I could tell you his favorite color's green
He loves to argue oh and it kills me
His sister's beautiful he has his father’s eyes
And if you asked me if I love him
If you asked me if I love him
I’d lie
Sunday, 2 November 2008
6 word memoirs
“Why did you say no?”
He asked such a simple question, but I couldn’t truthfully answer.
The truth would be – ‘because I KNOW that you don’t mean it, that you think you love me but in a few months time you’ll break my heart. I KNOW you’re NOT different; you’ll hurt me too. I KNOW that I can’t live through that again, I’m still broken from the last guy. I KNOW you’ll walk away from this unscathed, whilst I fall apart’ So what did I say?
“You’re too good for me”
I actually think I did a good job with that line, because it was almost true, yet still, the complete opposite of the truth. You’re too good for me because I’m still broken, but I’m too good for you because I know I deserve someone better.
But he didn’t see the lie or the truth, he saw me thinking he was magnificent, that I was unworthy. And whilst that was the furthest thing from my mind, he planted the thought, and from then on, I truly believed he was better than me.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ok, I told you guys briefly about 6 word memoirs, on my last blog, yes? Some of you may have been tempted to check it out and read some cool thoughts, for the rest, allow me to tell you more.
Your life in 6 words. Simple, really, tell everyone everything, in just 6 words.
It’s like postsecret, but shorter. Now, just to get you guys just as addicted as me, I will share with you, some memoirs. Some of the cooler ones:
Sorry, I can only be me.
Just a girl, finding her way.
Hope is what keeps me smiling.
Crying is good for the soul.
I am sixteen going on seven
Life was over. Then you happened.
Listening to music gives me life.
The acne’s a joke, right God???
My day shines; thoughts of you.
There is a reason for everything.
Soon youth will be no excuse.
I'm all about hugs and high-fives
High school: "this too shall pass."
My heart's yours. Make a decision!
“To Santa,
Just him...
Thanks,
Anna.”
No-one wanted to dance with me
Let me pretend you broke me.
I know, I make it worse....
I'm really hoping he is asleep...
You hate. I love. That hurts.
I play my life, a song.
i wished upon a shooting star...
it's only magic if you believe
Once upon a time…never mind.
you care. you're just acting. right?
I like boys. So does he.
Because I think you're my destiny.
Sometimes, it helps to have faith.
He's the mirror every girl wants.
Butterflie were hideous once, have hope.
Without darkness, there is no light.
I know, I know, there’s a lot. But PLEASE read them all, they’re very good, and see if you can figure out which one I wrote ;)
ANYWHO. From now on, ill probably stick a 6-word-memoir on each of my blogs/ use one as name/pm. I like them, they are pretty.
And now you actually know what I’m talking about when I use them.
So, make an account! And add to them!!
And see if I use yours ;)
Im out!
He asked such a simple question, but I couldn’t truthfully answer.
The truth would be – ‘because I KNOW that you don’t mean it, that you think you love me but in a few months time you’ll break my heart. I KNOW you’re NOT different; you’ll hurt me too. I KNOW that I can’t live through that again, I’m still broken from the last guy. I KNOW you’ll walk away from this unscathed, whilst I fall apart’ So what did I say?
“You’re too good for me”
I actually think I did a good job with that line, because it was almost true, yet still, the complete opposite of the truth. You’re too good for me because I’m still broken, but I’m too good for you because I know I deserve someone better.
But he didn’t see the lie or the truth, he saw me thinking he was magnificent, that I was unworthy. And whilst that was the furthest thing from my mind, he planted the thought, and from then on, I truly believed he was better than me.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ok, I told you guys briefly about 6 word memoirs, on my last blog, yes? Some of you may have been tempted to check it out and read some cool thoughts, for the rest, allow me to tell you more.
Your life in 6 words. Simple, really, tell everyone everything, in just 6 words.
It’s like postsecret, but shorter. Now, just to get you guys just as addicted as me, I will share with you, some memoirs. Some of the cooler ones:
Sorry, I can only be me.
Just a girl, finding her way.
Hope is what keeps me smiling.
Crying is good for the soul.
I am sixteen going on seven
Life was over. Then you happened.
Listening to music gives me life.
The acne’s a joke, right God???
My day shines; thoughts of you.
There is a reason for everything.
Soon youth will be no excuse.
I'm all about hugs and high-fives
High school: "this too shall pass."
My heart's yours. Make a decision!
“To Santa,
Just him...
Thanks,
Anna.”
No-one wanted to dance with me
Let me pretend you broke me.
I know, I make it worse....
I'm really hoping he is asleep...
You hate. I love. That hurts.
I play my life, a song.
i wished upon a shooting star...
it's only magic if you believe
Once upon a time…never mind.
you care. you're just acting. right?
I like boys. So does he.
Because I think you're my destiny.
Sometimes, it helps to have faith.
He's the mirror every girl wants.
Butterflie were hideous once, have hope.
Without darkness, there is no light.
I know, I know, there’s a lot. But PLEASE read them all, they’re very good, and see if you can figure out which one I wrote ;)
ANYWHO. From now on, ill probably stick a 6-word-memoir on each of my blogs/ use one as name/pm. I like them, they are pretty.
And now you actually know what I’m talking about when I use them.
So, make an account! And add to them!!
And see if I use yours ;)
Im out!
Saturday, 1 November 2008
{{ dont know what to put here }}
"Are you...serious?"
Thats not exactly what I meant to say, 'are you for real?' 'are you crazy?' 'are you TRYING to hurt me?' they all seemed a little more appropriate, but hey, who am i to cause trouble, right? im not the one to hurt others.
im the heartbroken, not the heart breaker. im the one who falls for all 'those' lines, the one who thought he was for real when he said 'i really love you', 'ive never felt like this about anyone else before'. im the jerk. the one who just wanted him to say that he was kidding, 'no, of course im not serious, i love you' yeah, im that naive.
"im so sorry"
he didnt look sorry. he didnt look like his eyes felt even a millionth of the pain that was currently pulsing through my every vein. he didnt look like he'd ever regret it, or wake up tomorrow morning crying because hed done something wrong.
he looked like all the others, he looked like something inside of him was laughing, he looked like he was thinking 'sucker! she fell for it!' but he definately didnt look sorry.
-------------
dunno what im gonna do with all that gab at the top of my blogs.
put it all together and make a story? hmm, would you read it?
i like expressing myself like that, its easier, than telling people how you feel.
which im not all that good at. except on this blog, and on my 6-word-memoir account.
AHEM. i feel that this random post is the perfect opportunity to introduce you (or reintroduce if you already know it) to the one blog i cannot live without. the blog i check on almost everyday because IM THAT SAD! and shes that good. she thinks the same way as me, recently met up with the 13 year old girl within her upon her discovery of twilight, and uses sarcasm as her FIRST language, english as her second.
of course, i could only be talking of Tia and CleverGirlGoesBlog.
i love her, really, she is amazing, and funny, and sarcastic, and witty and entertaining, and if she wrote a book, I WOULD SO BUY IT!!
so please, go to her website, it is UBERCOOL.
ok, enough about that, i do actually have some things that i would like to say. and i choose to take a further leaf out of amys book, in writing to these people via numeros.
Person 1
i now read your blog everyday
ur not close to me
ur close to my friends, weve just never been put together so we dont really know each other
your blog inspires me
cuz theres a really small chance that you know exactly how i feel
i just like to know that there can be a happy ending...or something like that
Person 2
i wanted you to be my best friend, truly
i joked about it, once, about how close we got, and then i started ignoring you
it hurt me
it felt like the the right thing to do
it really hurt me
i want us to be close, i know we can, we can fit perfectly together. you know me better than all of my group put together, because we always talk D&M, and youve seen my heart, more than i wanted you to, but im glad you saw it, now you know.
im sorry for ignoring you, i wish to now piece our friendship back together, we just, have such strong foundations, and no idea of what to build.
Person 3
im sorry. because i have this feeling that you blame me, and i dont know why.
i feel guilty, and i dont know why, did i do something?
would you tell me if i did?
would you care if i felt remorse?
im trying to remember what it is i feel guilty about, but im coming up blank.
im very sorry if ive hurt you, because i feel i have, and i AM truly sorry.
Person 4
noo, im not really your biggest fan at the moment.
ive had something ive been trying to tell you all week.
and weve talked. goodness, have we talked!
but not once about me, and now its too late, i have yet again suffered in silence, perhaps like i should have.
i dont want to go all woe-is-me, but i thought i knew you better.
i thought ud care
or at least notice that i was writhing in pain.
Person 5
im sorry, i didnt mean to tell someone else something that was so personal to you and people you love.
hopefully youll read this, and know i mean you.
i am truly sorry.
i dont think that helps, because i did upset you.
but i NEVER meant to hurt you.
PLEASE forgive me.
Thats not exactly what I meant to say, 'are you for real?' 'are you crazy?' 'are you TRYING to hurt me?' they all seemed a little more appropriate, but hey, who am i to cause trouble, right? im not the one to hurt others.
im the heartbroken, not the heart breaker. im the one who falls for all 'those' lines, the one who thought he was for real when he said 'i really love you', 'ive never felt like this about anyone else before'. im the jerk. the one who just wanted him to say that he was kidding, 'no, of course im not serious, i love you' yeah, im that naive.
"im so sorry"
he didnt look sorry. he didnt look like his eyes felt even a millionth of the pain that was currently pulsing through my every vein. he didnt look like he'd ever regret it, or wake up tomorrow morning crying because hed done something wrong.
he looked like all the others, he looked like something inside of him was laughing, he looked like he was thinking 'sucker! she fell for it!' but he definately didnt look sorry.
-------------
dunno what im gonna do with all that gab at the top of my blogs.
put it all together and make a story? hmm, would you read it?
i like expressing myself like that, its easier, than telling people how you feel.
which im not all that good at. except on this blog, and on my 6-word-memoir account.
AHEM. i feel that this random post is the perfect opportunity to introduce you (or reintroduce if you already know it) to the one blog i cannot live without. the blog i check on almost everyday because IM THAT SAD! and shes that good. she thinks the same way as me, recently met up with the 13 year old girl within her upon her discovery of twilight, and uses sarcasm as her FIRST language, english as her second.
of course, i could only be talking of Tia and CleverGirlGoesBlog.
i love her, really, she is amazing, and funny, and sarcastic, and witty and entertaining, and if she wrote a book, I WOULD SO BUY IT!!
so please, go to her website, it is UBERCOOL.
ok, enough about that, i do actually have some things that i would like to say. and i choose to take a further leaf out of amys book, in writing to these people via numeros.
Person 1
i now read your blog everyday
ur not close to me
ur close to my friends, weve just never been put together so we dont really know each other
your blog inspires me
cuz theres a really small chance that you know exactly how i feel
i just like to know that there can be a happy ending...or something like that
Person 2
i wanted you to be my best friend, truly
i joked about it, once, about how close we got, and then i started ignoring you
it hurt me
it felt like the the right thing to do
it really hurt me
i want us to be close, i know we can, we can fit perfectly together. you know me better than all of my group put together, because we always talk D&M, and youve seen my heart, more than i wanted you to, but im glad you saw it, now you know.
im sorry for ignoring you, i wish to now piece our friendship back together, we just, have such strong foundations, and no idea of what to build.
Person 3
im sorry. because i have this feeling that you blame me, and i dont know why.
i feel guilty, and i dont know why, did i do something?
would you tell me if i did?
would you care if i felt remorse?
im trying to remember what it is i feel guilty about, but im coming up blank.
im very sorry if ive hurt you, because i feel i have, and i AM truly sorry.
Person 4
noo, im not really your biggest fan at the moment.
ive had something ive been trying to tell you all week.
and weve talked. goodness, have we talked!
but not once about me, and now its too late, i have yet again suffered in silence, perhaps like i should have.
i dont want to go all woe-is-me, but i thought i knew you better.
i thought ud care
or at least notice that i was writhing in pain.
Person 5
im sorry, i didnt mean to tell someone else something that was so personal to you and people you love.
hopefully youll read this, and know i mean you.
i am truly sorry.
i dont think that helps, because i did upset you.
but i NEVER meant to hurt you.
PLEASE forgive me.
Tuesday, 28 October 2008
Uh, 42.
finished reading breaking dawn.
she got perfection.
everything she's ever wanted.
it makes me wonder...
is that what it's all about?
true love? best friends? a good family? peace?
because, we're never gonna get all that
we're never gonna get perfection
so where is the point that we feel satisfied?
do we wake up one day, and think 'jeez, this is a bit of all right!'?
or, do we just spend everyday trying to follow some sick purpose?
oooh, im gonna change the world. ill save lives, that will the purpose of my life, to stop other people from getting where i dont wanna go bcuz im saving them.
or, oooh, im gonna change the world! ill fix it, so that the next generation of people with no other purpose can have a good life with no purpose.
why bother??
and im not being emo or stupid or stuck in the whirlwind of last years identicle thoughts, im truly curious.
i want to know my point. why i bother waking up in the morning, what im looking for. why do we need friends? or family? or an education? or even money?? is there some afterlife where we'll be judged by the aquaintances we've managed to rack up over the years??
why do we need friends? in the end we all die alone. why is it so hard to take things alone? why do we need a shoulder? is it because we are weak?
i dont understand, i dont want to understand. i dont want to be involved. i dont want life, i didnt choose it, and what the hell am i going to do to the world that will change it??
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
10 minutes later.
beauty.
moments.
love. like i even know what that is...
trust. people can' be trusted. especially if i cant trust myself.
thats all i can think of.
this is another one of my lists, everytime im pissed again, ill look at my list, ill find my happiness, my purpose, ill cross things off when (not if) they dont help. wow, the upside of my blog took a sudden, masochistic turn.
i dont wanna do this.
i want to be happy.
so much.
she got perfection.
everything she's ever wanted.
it makes me wonder...
is that what it's all about?
true love? best friends? a good family? peace?
because, we're never gonna get all that
we're never gonna get perfection
so where is the point that we feel satisfied?
do we wake up one day, and think 'jeez, this is a bit of all right!'?
or, do we just spend everyday trying to follow some sick purpose?
oooh, im gonna change the world. ill save lives, that will the purpose of my life, to stop other people from getting where i dont wanna go bcuz im saving them.
or, oooh, im gonna change the world! ill fix it, so that the next generation of people with no other purpose can have a good life with no purpose.
why bother??
and im not being emo or stupid or stuck in the whirlwind of last years identicle thoughts, im truly curious.
i want to know my point. why i bother waking up in the morning, what im looking for. why do we need friends? or family? or an education? or even money?? is there some afterlife where we'll be judged by the aquaintances we've managed to rack up over the years??
why do we need friends? in the end we all die alone. why is it so hard to take things alone? why do we need a shoulder? is it because we are weak?
i dont understand, i dont want to understand. i dont want to be involved. i dont want life, i didnt choose it, and what the hell am i going to do to the world that will change it??
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
10 minutes later.
beauty.
moments.
thats all i can think of.
this is another one of my lists, everytime im pissed again, ill look at my list, ill find my happiness, my purpose, ill cross things off when (not if) they dont help. wow, the upside of my blog took a sudden, masochistic turn.
i dont wanna do this.
i want to be happy.
so much.
Sunday, 26 October 2008
True Love, and the price to pay
“You don’t get it!” Now I was pissed, this was so obvious, how could he miss it? “You left me broken! Shattered into a million tiny little pieces.” Okay, it was a little overdramatic, but I was trying to make a point. “And then I found him! And he actually put an effort into piecing me back together again. I felt good again, I felt almost happy!” That was a bit of a stretch, than again, maybe it wasn’t, maybe there was a point where I crossed into happy. “But he was falling into the same trap you had me in, and I knew it was only a matter of time before I broke him too.” Only a matter of time before I lost my friend, my closest friend and my best friend.
Now I realise that maybe I let him get too close. Actually, no maybe, I let him get too close. I shouldn’t have. And in the end I didn’t break him, he broke me too. Maybe it’s something about me.
------------------------------------------------------------------
You know what I realised??
I’d give it all up.
Everything.
My entire perfect life.
All of it.
Everything I’m thankful for everyday.
I’d let it go.
What for, Ebony??
For a storybook life.
You know the one, no friends, your parents split up, only child, barely getting by at school.
And him.
But the rest don’t matter, you’ve got him.
That’s what I want.
EVERYONE READING THIS!! I would give you up.
For true love.
I think this is an irrational feeling
And I’m sure in a few hours, I won’t feel the same.
I’ll touch back down to Earth.
Realise how good I’ve got it.
But until then…
As much as I love you guys…
I just want one person I can curl up next to, and tell everything, not have to keep secrets from. Someone who loves me, understands me. Someone who allows me to understand them, who lets me try, and succeed. I know that doesn’t make much sense, since none of you guys can see in my head. But I want that person so badly.
And although I spend a lot of my life running away from growing up, I think I’d like to grow up enough to meet that person.
So before I come to my sense and delte all of this, I'm going to post it. Maybe my perfect person will read it, and come find me :)
((Oh, and the stories at the top, I don't know what that's all about, but I like them, so I'll probably keep writing them))
Now I realise that maybe I let him get too close. Actually, no maybe, I let him get too close. I shouldn’t have. And in the end I didn’t break him, he broke me too. Maybe it’s something about me.
------------------------------------------------------------------
You know what I realised??
I’d give it all up.
Everything.
My entire perfect life.
All of it.
Everything I’m thankful for everyday.
I’d let it go.
What for, Ebony??
For a storybook life.
You know the one, no friends, your parents split up, only child, barely getting by at school.
And him.
But the rest don’t matter, you’ve got him.
That’s what I want.
EVERYONE READING THIS!! I would give you up.
For true love.
I think this is an irrational feeling
And I’m sure in a few hours, I won’t feel the same.
I’ll touch back down to Earth.
Realise how good I’ve got it.
But until then…
As much as I love you guys…
I just want one person I can curl up next to, and tell everything, not have to keep secrets from. Someone who loves me, understands me. Someone who allows me to understand them, who lets me try, and succeed. I know that doesn’t make much sense, since none of you guys can see in my head. But I want that person so badly.
And although I spend a lot of my life running away from growing up, I think I’d like to grow up enough to meet that person.
So before I come to my sense and delte all of this, I'm going to post it. Maybe my perfect person will read it, and come find me :)
((Oh, and the stories at the top, I don't know what that's all about, but I like them, so I'll probably keep writing them))
Thursday, 23 October 2008
RaNdooM
"You dont always have to be there hero" I whispered to him, smiling weakly. Of course he knew I was just trying to distract him, but did he know that I meant it?
"I know." He turned, his face desperate. I could see that clearly, even in the dim light "But sometimes, I just don't want to be the villain"
...
I DUNNO!!
...
ok, so i am.... confused
yes, good word.
"This is a little piece of hell, right in the middle of heaven"
My life, a few days ago... yesterday?
Today??
ALL GOOD.
I realised, this arvo, I'm happy again.
That emo but not feeling is gone!! =o=o
And I just feel like shouting it.
Maybe it was exams doing my head in? All I know is that now I can relax!!
CCCHHHIIILLLLLLL.
And tomorrow... read eclipse.
"I know." He turned, his face desperate. I could see that clearly, even in the dim light "But sometimes, I just don't want to be the villain"
...
I DUNNO!!
...
ok, so i am.... confused
yes, good word.
"This is a little piece of hell, right in the middle of heaven"
My life, a few days ago... yesterday?
Today??
ALL GOOD.
I realised, this arvo, I'm happy again.
That emo but not feeling is gone!! =o=o
And I just feel like shouting it.
Maybe it was exams doing my head in? All I know is that now I can relax!!
CCCHHHIIILLLLLLL.
And tomorrow... read eclipse.
Tuesday, 21 October 2008
~Twilight~
What I wrote on Sunday but didn’t post:
‘‘I put my knees together, one elbow on each, and my forearms perpendicular with the car floor below me. I was vaguely aware of the chattering around me about my sister’s driving. I rested my face in the palms of my hands, allowing my hair to fall around me. And I thought of him. Every part of his precious beauty filled me as I wistfully wished him to be mine. My face grew sadder as the minutes passed by, and my fantasy fled as I realised he was the one thing I could never have.
“What’s up?” my father’s words interrupted my thoughts, and I jerked my head up to look at him
“She’s scared of my driving” my sister joked.
“Enough to give you an instant headache, huh?”
“No…” I stopped myself before I told them what I had been thinking. My father distracted my sister by continuing to instruct her driving, I was thankful to him. I allowed my mind to again be consumed with thoughts of him as I drifted between fantasy and reality.’
OH SNAP!!
But I like it… it’s sorta… nice.
Like, idealistic, if you will.
I wrote that yesterday, in Spanish school. Just thought I’d share.
You see… I want my own fantasy.
Exam week. For everyone else… a big deal, they spent all week (and weekend for that matter) studying. What did I do? Read twilight 3 times. Midnight Sun (ch1-12) twice. New Moon.
So I’m guessing you’ve found my addiction.
And I don’t read the books because I like them, because I don’t think I like them all that much, they’re just my drug, my addiction. They give me hope.
As much as I try to remind myself that they are just books, I find great joy in believing that every girl has an Edward Cullen.’
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Today: I figured it out. My addiction. I had an epiphany.
What’s the best thing about fantasy? You get to get away, escape everything, over look reality.
So why have I drowned my self in it?? Because that, more than anything else in the world, is what I need. I may have been acting a little odd lately, in fact I probably still am. Just a little…void. I don’t know why that is. I Do know, however that, although I do not enjoy the twilight series, I UNDERSTAND it, and that means more than you would think. I understand everything they do, except Edward, he just pisses me off. And, because I understand it, AND relate to it, it feels real to me. It feels like… I’m blurring the lines between fantasy and reality. I’ve forgotten where I end and Bella begins. Her traits and mine, intertwined within my head, so that through it all, I have hope. So why don’t you have hope, Ebony? Why don’t you have something to look forward to? Why don’t you CARE anymore??
My answer: I don’t know. I just want to be lost, until it all finishes. What “it” is, I do not know. I just know that it must end for me to be happy. So… my dear Twilight, I have welcomed you with open arms Hoping that you hold something for me I don’t know if you do, I just know that you make things hurt less, and yet you still let me feel. What more could I want?? Twilight. When I first learnt that word, it was pure peace to me. It reminded me of blue, purple and black. The gap between cloudless day and cloudless night, it was poetic. I will never think of it that way again, it will always represent something comfortable, but never peaceful, I have lost the peace. But after all of this, I would like to end with a song, an unusual occurrence for my random blogs, but still, not a first.
The song: Wuthering Heights.
The story: Similar to new moon. (important parts BIGGER)
The difference: The names, there is a slight amount of role reversal, but all the ideas are common. Let Wuthering Weights be your forks. The lyrics:
Out On the wiley, windy moors
We'd roll and fall in green
You had a temper, like my jealousy
Too hot, too greedy
How could you leave me
When I needed to possess you?
I hated you, I loved you too
Bad dreams in the night
They told me I was going to lose the fight
Leave behind my wuthering, wuthering
Wuthering Heights
Heathcliff, it's me, Cathy, I've come home
I'm so cold, let me in in-a-your-window
Heathcliff, it's me, Cathy, I've come home
I'm so cold, let me in in-a-your-window
Oh it gets dark, it gets lonely
On the other side from you
I pine alot, I find the lot
Falls through without you
I'm coming back love, cruel Heathcliff
My one dream, my only master
Too long I roam in the night
I'm coming back to his side to put it right
I'm coming home to wuthering, wuthering
Wuthering Heights
Heathcliff, it's me, Cathy, I've come home
I'm so cold, let me in in-a-your-window
Heathcliff, it's me, Cathy, I've come home
I'm so cold, let me in in-a-your-window
Ooh let me have it, let me grab your soul away
Ooh let me have it, let me grab your soul away
You know it's me, Cathy
Heathcliff, it's me, Cathy come home
I'm so cold, let me in in-a-your-window
Heathcliff, it's me, Cathy come home
I'm so cold, let me in in-a-your-window
Heathcliff, it's me, Cathy come home
I'm so cold
Friday, 17 October 2008
Intoxicating
Ok, so, you were away today, yes, I noticed. But it’s the only day out of this week and next that you don’t have exams, so you are forgiven.
I only realised today, that I see you EVERYDAY. I mean like, sure, on the train, but this week, you haven’t caught my train ( =( ) because of your stupid foot. But still I’ve seen you everyday. You haven’t even had lunch and recess at the same time as the rest of the school, but still, I’ve seen you everyday. I’m starting to feel a bit like a stalker.
Like, I see you walk into school, cuz in the mornings I sit near the gate. I see you at random times when you decide to SIT AT MY TABLE!!!!
Amy: *walking up to table, ROFLING*
Me: “It is so not funny! So BEYOND funny!!”
Amy: *still laughing*
So I walked away, I was the only one there anyway, (out of my group), so I usually walk away, I just walked away especially quickly.
Shailin: “Why didn’t you talk to him?”
Me: *thinks really hard*…. “Because, it hurts me, he makes me feel bad about myself”
Shai: “So WHY DO YOU LIKE HIM??”
Me: *thinks again, still really hard* “Because he’s really nice to everyone else”
And thus it stands.
It still hurts me, a lot, to talk to you.
I am “intoxicated by your presence”.
You still don’t care that you hurt me.
You are taking Bianca to her prom. (Just thought I’d throw that in there, so irrelevant)
It scares me slightly to be around you, but also, I love that thrill, so I cannot stay away
You make my heart act in weird and wonderful ways; it has been know to stop around you.
I don’t like that you got hurt, I really don’t. I looked up, saw you, and thought “Not him”. But you’ve hurt me so much, that I try so hard to make it about me.
I should explain that more:
Afterwards, after I’d looked down again, I tried to think of a reason why this would be good for me. You’d hurt yourself, and that hurt me, I needed some sort of… consolation prize. Whilst my primary fear was for you, I try so hard to hurt myself less, and so, my instinct was to be glad that you’d hurt yourself. To make us balance, equal.
Oh and one last thing, Monday! I didn’t MEAN it like that. It’s just that, when you come up in conversation (as you so often seem to, whether with my sister or even Christina), I keep you there, when people start to stray, I bring the conversation back to you, it gives me an excuse to think of you. So whilst it may have seen mean, it was merely a way of stopping their minds from deviating for a few seconds longer.
…
I can’t pick a song. I’m trying, I’d Lie comes to mind, but even since my sister told me it reminds her of Twilight, I’ve been reluctant to think of it in association with you. It’s just, one of those things.
…
Oh well, here, have two lines:
“Wouldn’t it be nice to leave it open-ended, and pretend it could go either way?”
I only realised today, that I see you EVERYDAY. I mean like, sure, on the train, but this week, you haven’t caught my train ( =( ) because of your stupid foot. But still I’ve seen you everyday. You haven’t even had lunch and recess at the same time as the rest of the school, but still, I’ve seen you everyday. I’m starting to feel a bit like a stalker.
Like, I see you walk into school, cuz in the mornings I sit near the gate. I see you at random times when you decide to SIT AT MY TABLE!!!!
Amy: *walking up to table, ROFLING*
Me: “It is so not funny! So BEYOND funny!!”
Amy: *still laughing*
So I walked away, I was the only one there anyway, (out of my group), so I usually walk away, I just walked away especially quickly.
Shailin: “Why didn’t you talk to him?”
Me: *thinks really hard*…. “Because, it hurts me, he makes me feel bad about myself”
Shai: “So WHY DO YOU LIKE HIM??”
Me: *thinks again, still really hard* “Because he’s really nice to everyone else”
And thus it stands.
It still hurts me, a lot, to talk to you.
I am “intoxicated by your presence”.
You still don’t care that you hurt me.
You are taking Bianca to her prom. (Just thought I’d throw that in there, so irrelevant)
It scares me slightly to be around you, but also, I love that thrill, so I cannot stay away
You make my heart act in weird and wonderful ways; it has been know to stop around you.
I don’t like that you got hurt, I really don’t. I looked up, saw you, and thought “Not him”. But you’ve hurt me so much, that I try so hard to make it about me.
I should explain that more:
Afterwards, after I’d looked down again, I tried to think of a reason why this would be good for me. You’d hurt yourself, and that hurt me, I needed some sort of… consolation prize. Whilst my primary fear was for you, I try so hard to hurt myself less, and so, my instinct was to be glad that you’d hurt yourself. To make us balance, equal.
Oh and one last thing, Monday! I didn’t MEAN it like that. It’s just that, when you come up in conversation (as you so often seem to, whether with my sister or even Christina), I keep you there, when people start to stray, I bring the conversation back to you, it gives me an excuse to think of you. So whilst it may have seen mean, it was merely a way of stopping their minds from deviating for a few seconds longer.
…
I can’t pick a song. I’m trying, I’d Lie comes to mind, but even since my sister told me it reminds her of Twilight, I’ve been reluctant to think of it in association with you. It’s just, one of those things.
…
Oh well, here, have two lines:
“Wouldn’t it be nice to leave it open-ended, and pretend it could go either way?”
Monday, 13 October 2008
Can't Lose What You Never Had - Westlife
Ok, so I haven’t blogged about you in a while, again.
I know, I keep doing that, but it’s probably because things never seem to change with you.
Today: First day back this term.
You weren’t on the train.
After P2: I see you walking past with your friends, on crutches; you’d hurt your foot.
First thought: Ouch! Poor thing.
Second thought: Jeez, about time he hurt someone other than me.
See, my liking you comes before my hating you. I don’t like that. I don’t want to care about you, just like you don’t care about me.
Our only conversation today (so far):
You: “HI EBONY!!”
Me: *looks up* “HI!” *looks down again*
You: “I don’t like you.”
Me: *walks away*
Come on! Who just throws that into conversation? I KNOW!! I know you hate me, okay? I don’t the need the not-so-friendly reminder.
All day, I’ve been really quiet, yes! Me! Quiet.
Amy: “We came first in state for Wakakirri!!!”
Me: *distantly* “Cool…”
Seriously, normally, I would be like, jumping sky high about stuff like that. Not today! Today, you told me that you “don’t like” me. And not even because it came up, but because you thought I should know that.
I DO! You think I make up this crap??
Me & Shailin today
Shai: “So tell me about your boy troubles”
Me: “Well…”
Shai: “Wait is it about…?” *tilts head*
ME: “Yeah”
Shai: “Continue”
Me: “He hates me”
Shai: “Really?”
ME: “Yeah”
Shai: “How do you know?”
Me: “He said so”
Shai: “As in a joke?”
Me: “Nope”
Shai: “Why does he hate you?”
Me: “No idea”
Shai: “Really?”
Me: “Yeah”
That sorta got me thinking… why do you hate me?
I mean sure, I’m not the nicest person in the world, I get that, but I’m not exactly the worst either. I’m okay, once you get to know me. I have my flaws, but nothing that bad.
I don’t get it.
But thankyou for hurting yourself.
Baby you're so beautiful,
and when i'm near you,
i can't breathe,(i can't breathe)
A guy like you gets what you want,when you want it,
You're so out of my league,
I show you no emotion,
Don't let you see, what you're doin' to me
I imagine the two of us together,
but i've been living in reality,
Fear of rejection,
kept my love inside,
But time is running out,
so damn my foolish pride,
I don't care if you think i'm crazy
It doesn't matter if it turns out bad,
I've got no fear of losing you,
You can't lose what you never had,
Now i'm gonna confess, that i love you,
I've been keeping it inside, feelin i could die,
But if you turn away, baby that's okay,
At least we had a moment,before you say goodbye,
You can lose what you never had,
Rules are made for breaking,
Nothing ventured nothing gained,
I'll be no worse off than i am right now,
and i might never get that chance again,baby,
Fear of rejection,
kept my love inside,
Told my heart i didn't want you,
but i lied,
I don't care if you think i'm crazy,
It doesn't matter if it turns out bad
I've got no fear of losing you,
You can't lose what you never had,
Now i'm gonna confess, that i love you,
I've been keeping it inside, feelin i could die,
But if you turn away, baby that's okay,
At least we had a moment,before you say goodbye,
You can lose what you never had,
Here on the outside looking in,
Don't wanna stay dreaming bout,
what could have been,
Need to hear you speak my name,
even if you shoot me down in flames,
I don't care if you think i'm crazy
It doesn't matter if it turns out bad
I've got no fear of losing you,
You can't lose what you never had,
Now i'm gonna confess that i love you
I've been keepin it inside,
feelin i could die
But if you turn away, baby that's okay
At least we have a moment before you say good-bye
You can't lose what you never had
I know, I keep doing that, but it’s probably because things never seem to change with you.
Today: First day back this term.
You weren’t on the train.
After P2: I see you walking past with your friends, on crutches; you’d hurt your foot.
First thought: Ouch! Poor thing.
Second thought: Jeez, about time he hurt someone other than me.
See, my liking you comes before my hating you. I don’t like that. I don’t want to care about you, just like you don’t care about me.
Our only conversation today (so far):
You: “HI EBONY!!”
Me: *looks up* “HI!” *looks down again*
You: “I don’t like you.”
Me: *walks away*
Come on! Who just throws that into conversation? I KNOW!! I know you hate me, okay? I don’t the need the not-so-friendly reminder.
All day, I’ve been really quiet, yes! Me! Quiet.
Amy: “We came first in state for Wakakirri!!!”
Me: *distantly* “Cool…”
Seriously, normally, I would be like, jumping sky high about stuff like that. Not today! Today, you told me that you “don’t like” me. And not even because it came up, but because you thought I should know that.
I DO! You think I make up this crap??
Me & Shailin today
Shai: “So tell me about your boy troubles”
Me: “Well…”
Shai: “Wait is it about…?” *tilts head*
ME: “Yeah”
Shai: “Continue”
Me: “He hates me”
Shai: “Really?”
ME: “Yeah”
Shai: “How do you know?”
Me: “He said so”
Shai: “As in a joke?”
Me: “Nope”
Shai: “Why does he hate you?”
Me: “No idea”
Shai: “Really?”
Me: “Yeah”
That sorta got me thinking… why do you hate me?
I mean sure, I’m not the nicest person in the world, I get that, but I’m not exactly the worst either. I’m okay, once you get to know me. I have my flaws, but nothing that bad.
I don’t get it.
But thankyou for hurting yourself.
Baby you're so beautiful,
and when i'm near you,
i can't breathe,(i can't breathe)
A guy like you gets what you want,when you want it,
You're so out of my league,
I show you no emotion,
Don't let you see, what you're doin' to me
I imagine the two of us together,
but i've been living in reality,
Fear of rejection,
kept my love inside,
But time is running out,
so damn my foolish pride,
I don't care if you think i'm crazy
It doesn't matter if it turns out bad,
I've got no fear of losing you,
You can't lose what you never had,
Now i'm gonna confess, that i love you,
I've been keeping it inside, feelin i could die,
But if you turn away, baby that's okay,
At least we had a moment,before you say goodbye,
You can lose what you never had,
Rules are made for breaking,
Nothing ventured nothing gained,
I'll be no worse off than i am right now,
and i might never get that chance again,baby,
Fear of rejection,
kept my love inside,
Told my heart i didn't want you,
but i lied,
I don't care if you think i'm crazy,
It doesn't matter if it turns out bad
I've got no fear of losing you,
You can't lose what you never had,
Now i'm gonna confess, that i love you,
I've been keeping it inside, feelin i could die,
But if you turn away, baby that's okay,
At least we had a moment,before you say goodbye,
You can lose what you never had,
Here on the outside looking in,
Don't wanna stay dreaming bout,
what could have been,
Need to hear you speak my name,
even if you shoot me down in flames,
I don't care if you think i'm crazy
It doesn't matter if it turns out bad
I've got no fear of losing you,
You can't lose what you never had,
Now i'm gonna confess that i love you
I've been keepin it inside,
feelin i could die
But if you turn away, baby that's okay
At least we have a moment before you say good-bye
You can't lose what you never had
Saturday, 11 October 2008
My Holiday
Haven’t blogged all holidays, and for good reason, I tried to forget everything. It may not have worked, but I tried.
I didn’t want to come here, and let myself think. Because I have a crazy mind, and with the out the regularity and sanity of school I’m sure I would have gone crazy here. It’s what I do. If you know me, you know that. I over think and overanalyse everything. I end up thinking I know things that aren’t true.
The other reason I didn’t blog is because I got really depressed. Especially in the first week. I remember saying earlier that in last year’s holidays I hit rock bottom. Well, I did it again. I was crazy. I hardly even remember the week. I just sat here, at this computer, listened to the same songs over again, played solitaire and went mental. I wrote, this thing. I was meaning to put it here on this blog spot, but now, it just scares me that I thought these thoughts:
What you’ve never known about me: I actually walk really slowly normally, I only walk fast with friends, because I can escape, and be alone. I love being alone, because I’m not me around other people, I’m who I pretend to be, and I don’t really like that person. I’m actually not a happy person. I smile. I laugh. I joke. But it’s not me. Me: I hate the world. I think happiness is overrated. I love to cry. Sometimes I force myself to cry because it makes me feel. I love to feel. My favourite song at the moment: Try Honesty – Billy Talent. I envy Goths because they have no worries. I like bright colours because they remind me of someone I could never be. I enjoy be upset. “Do what makes you happy, if being miserable is what makes you happy, then be miserable, as long as it makes you happy.” It doesn’t make me happy, it makes me satisfied. Things hurt less when you let them hurt more. Going crazy with anger makes you freer than going crazy on happiness. I don’t envy happy people, because people think I’m a happy person. I understand. They’re just trapped, trapped behind a disguise they invented. A disguise they invented to make other people happy. Other people don’t like sadness. They don’t like it when you say suicide is a good idea, that you’ve contemplated it, or that you know 17 different ways to kill yourself. I understand emos, people who self harm. When things hurt physically, the emotional pain goes away, it’s overpowered. Emotional pain feels worse, but physical pain is stronger, it helps you forget.
What scares the most about that, is that most of it is true. I walk faster with others, I love to cry, that is my favourite song, even though it’s what I imagine death would sound like.
I’m scared of that person, of who I was. And I don’t just mean last week. I know none of you knew me before high school, and those of you that did, you’d know that I never had real friends, people I could tell stuff. But I was seriously emo, I cried randomly for no reason. I wrote lists of all the reasons I should stay alive, but gradually crossed off everything. Everytime I was happy, I gave myself a reason, then I added it to the list, but it was all crossed off.
Until I decided to be a vet. I think that was escape. My reason, “for the animals”, even now I find written over and over again on sheets of paper, in my diary, all over my room. I convinced myself to live, for all the animals I could save. I find it insane when I think about it now, and I’m scared of that person I was. Everytime I look into my past, I’m surprised by what I went through. Most people have some sort of childhood issues, but mine went further than others, I can actually understand how I became depressed. I was severely traumatised as a child.
I make excuses for things now, I make excuses for people, for how they treated me, I try to see the other side of everything. I think that’s damaging to my conscious, I can understand every side of the story, so am okay when I do the wrong thing. I know who started all this, I know who I blame. My parents may truly believe that I’ve led a sheltered life, but I’ve seen things you only ever read about in magazines, things that give people nightmares. They almost found out once, what she did to me, but I stopped them, I got away. They were shocked, but they let me distract them, looking back, I shouldn’t have, but I did. Now, I’d prefer that I had the protection I needed. I’m still making excuses for her in my mind though, and I need someone to tell me that what she did was wrong, that I didn’t deserve it, that when she told me it would be fun, she didn’t mean for me. I need someone to tell me that I was right to be scared, that I wasn’t a whimp. I need someone to understand.
You watch those shows, and you see people say, “it’s not your fault, you did nothing to cause this, she is in the wrong, not you” and you think, Jeez! Kid! Get it already, how can you still think it was you? But the thing is, I trusted her, so it was my fault. You watch other people like you and you think, “ it wasn’t you, you deserve so much more than that”, but why don’t think I deserve more? This blog is probably scaring anyone who’s reading it, because this is a really big secret, and most of you probably know what I’m talking about, what the thing is, but none of you know the person. None of you know what happened, how it happened, how I remember every second, and no matter what I do, it will only ever be me, no one else can ever understand. Because I let her! It was her fault, but I let her get away with it. For over a year! Every week! I let her treat me worse than I should be treated.
I try to tell myself that I didn’t know better, in fact, I had no idea what she was doing. But no matter how innocent I was, I must have understood. I must have actually gotten it.
And now this is completely sidetracked, cuz I was meant to be telling you about my holiday. Well, I’m too annoyed now, Ill blog about the holiday another time.
I didn’t want to come here, and let myself think. Because I have a crazy mind, and with the out the regularity and sanity of school I’m sure I would have gone crazy here. It’s what I do. If you know me, you know that. I over think and overanalyse everything. I end up thinking I know things that aren’t true.
The other reason I didn’t blog is because I got really depressed. Especially in the first week. I remember saying earlier that in last year’s holidays I hit rock bottom. Well, I did it again. I was crazy. I hardly even remember the week. I just sat here, at this computer, listened to the same songs over again, played solitaire and went mental. I wrote, this thing. I was meaning to put it here on this blog spot, but now, it just scares me that I thought these thoughts:
What you’ve never known about me: I actually walk really slowly normally, I only walk fast with friends, because I can escape, and be alone. I love being alone, because I’m not me around other people, I’m who I pretend to be, and I don’t really like that person. I’m actually not a happy person. I smile. I laugh. I joke. But it’s not me. Me: I hate the world. I think happiness is overrated. I love to cry. Sometimes I force myself to cry because it makes me feel. I love to feel. My favourite song at the moment: Try Honesty – Billy Talent. I envy Goths because they have no worries. I like bright colours because they remind me of someone I could never be. I enjoy be upset. “Do what makes you happy, if being miserable is what makes you happy, then be miserable, as long as it makes you happy.” It doesn’t make me happy, it makes me satisfied. Things hurt less when you let them hurt more. Going crazy with anger makes you freer than going crazy on happiness. I don’t envy happy people, because people think I’m a happy person. I understand. They’re just trapped, trapped behind a disguise they invented. A disguise they invented to make other people happy. Other people don’t like sadness. They don’t like it when you say suicide is a good idea, that you’ve contemplated it, or that you know 17 different ways to kill yourself. I understand emos, people who self harm. When things hurt physically, the emotional pain goes away, it’s overpowered. Emotional pain feels worse, but physical pain is stronger, it helps you forget.
What scares the most about that, is that most of it is true. I walk faster with others, I love to cry, that is my favourite song, even though it’s what I imagine death would sound like.
I’m scared of that person, of who I was. And I don’t just mean last week. I know none of you knew me before high school, and those of you that did, you’d know that I never had real friends, people I could tell stuff. But I was seriously emo, I cried randomly for no reason. I wrote lists of all the reasons I should stay alive, but gradually crossed off everything. Everytime I was happy, I gave myself a reason, then I added it to the list, but it was all crossed off.
Until I decided to be a vet. I think that was escape. My reason, “for the animals”, even now I find written over and over again on sheets of paper, in my diary, all over my room. I convinced myself to live, for all the animals I could save. I find it insane when I think about it now, and I’m scared of that person I was. Everytime I look into my past, I’m surprised by what I went through. Most people have some sort of childhood issues, but mine went further than others, I can actually understand how I became depressed. I was severely traumatised as a child.
I make excuses for things now, I make excuses for people, for how they treated me, I try to see the other side of everything. I think that’s damaging to my conscious, I can understand every side of the story, so am okay when I do the wrong thing. I know who started all this, I know who I blame. My parents may truly believe that I’ve led a sheltered life, but I’ve seen things you only ever read about in magazines, things that give people nightmares. They almost found out once, what she did to me, but I stopped them, I got away. They were shocked, but they let me distract them, looking back, I shouldn’t have, but I did. Now, I’d prefer that I had the protection I needed. I’m still making excuses for her in my mind though, and I need someone to tell me that what she did was wrong, that I didn’t deserve it, that when she told me it would be fun, she didn’t mean for me. I need someone to tell me that I was right to be scared, that I wasn’t a whimp. I need someone to understand.
You watch those shows, and you see people say, “it’s not your fault, you did nothing to cause this, she is in the wrong, not you” and you think, Jeez! Kid! Get it already, how can you still think it was you? But the thing is, I trusted her, so it was my fault. You watch other people like you and you think, “ it wasn’t you, you deserve so much more than that”, but why don’t think I deserve more? This blog is probably scaring anyone who’s reading it, because this is a really big secret, and most of you probably know what I’m talking about, what the thing is, but none of you know the person. None of you know what happened, how it happened, how I remember every second, and no matter what I do, it will only ever be me, no one else can ever understand. Because I let her! It was her fault, but I let her get away with it. For over a year! Every week! I let her treat me worse than I should be treated.
I try to tell myself that I didn’t know better, in fact, I had no idea what she was doing. But no matter how innocent I was, I must have understood. I must have actually gotten it.
And now this is completely sidetracked, cuz I was meant to be telling you about my holiday. Well, I’m too annoyed now, Ill blog about the holiday another time.
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