Can't Lose What You Never Had - Westlife

Ok, so I haven’t blogged about you in a while, again.
I know, I keep doing that, but it’s probably because things never seem to change with you.
Today: First day back this term.
You weren’t on the train.
After P2: I see you walking past with your friends, on crutches; you’d hurt your foot.
First thought: Ouch! Poor thing.
Second thought: Jeez, about time he hurt someone other than me.

See, my liking you comes before my hating you. I don’t like that. I don’t want to care about you, just like you don’t care about me.

Our only conversation today (so far):
You: “HI EBONY!!”
Me: *looks up* “HI!” *looks down again*
You: “I don’t like you.”
Me: *walks away*

Come on! Who just throws that into conversation? I KNOW!! I know you hate me, okay? I don’t the need the not-so-friendly reminder.

All day, I’ve been really quiet, yes! Me! Quiet.

Amy: “We came first in state for Wakakirri!!!”
Me: *distantly* “Cool…”

Seriously, normally, I would be like, jumping sky high about stuff like that. Not today! Today, you told me that you “don’t like” me. And not even because it came up, but because you thought I should know that.

I DO! You think I make up this crap??

Me & Shailin today

Shai: “So tell me about your boy troubles”
Me: “Well…”
Shai: “Wait is it about…?” *tilts head*
ME: “Yeah”
Shai: “Continue”
Me: “He hates me”
Shai: “Really?”
ME: “Yeah”
Shai: “How do you know?”
Me: “He said so”
Shai: “As in a joke?”
Me: “Nope”
Shai: “Why does he hate you?”
Me: “No idea”
Shai: “Really?”
Me: “Yeah”

That sorta got me thinking… why do you hate me?
I mean sure, I’m not the nicest person in the world, I get that, but I’m not exactly the worst either. I’m okay, once you get to know me. I have my flaws, but nothing that bad.

I don’t get it.

But thankyou for hurting yourself.


Baby you're so beautiful,
and when i'm near you,
i can't breathe,(i can't breathe)
A guy like you gets what you want,when you want it,
You're so out of my league,
I show you no emotion,
Don't let you see, what you're doin' to me
I imagine the two of us together,
but i've been living in reality,

Fear of rejection,
kept my love inside,
But time is running out,
so damn my foolish pride,

I don't care if you think i'm crazy
It doesn't matter if it turns out bad,
I've got no fear of losing you,
You can't lose what you never had,

Now i'm gonna confess, that i love you,
I've been keeping it inside, feelin i could die,
But if you turn away, baby that's okay,
At least we had a moment,before you say goodbye,
You can lose what you never had,

Rules are made for breaking,
Nothing ventured nothing gained,
I'll be no worse off than i am right now,
and i might never get that chance again,baby,

Fear of rejection,
kept my love inside,
Told my heart i didn't want you,
but i lied,

I don't care if you think i'm crazy,
It doesn't matter if it turns out bad
I've got no fear of losing you,
You can't lose what you never had,

Now i'm gonna confess, that i love you,
I've been keeping it inside, feelin i could die,
But if you turn away, baby that's okay,
At least we had a moment,before you say goodbye,
You can lose what you never had,

Here on the outside looking in,
Don't wanna stay dreaming bout,
what could have been,
Need to hear you speak my name,
even if you shoot me down in flames,

I don't care if you think i'm crazy
It doesn't matter if it turns out bad
I've got no fear of losing you,
You can't lose what you never had,

Now i'm gonna confess that i love you
I've been keepin it inside,
feelin i could die
But if you turn away, baby that's okay
At least we have a moment before you say good-bye
You can't lose what you never had