Empathy/I'm sorry.

Luke Moore.
Awesomely awesome main guy.
He’s intriguing.
Partly because he’s never defined, and partly because he is awesomely awesome.
Loosely based around every guy I’ve ever liked (included fictional characters), some more than others.
Physical description: Very similar to Elle. Short brown hair and soft brown eyes. Slightly above average height. Beautiful, but only if you look hard enough.
Emotional description: Very aware of surrounding people’s thoughts/feelings which highly influence him. Empathetic. But very closed. Finds it hard to express his feelings.
Social description: Has a best bud Hayden who’s pretty cool. They tell each other most everything, but mainly have heaps of fun together.

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6 words: I cry daily now. so pathetic. – cornn

Empathy.
My problem is empathy.
This is why I was so depressed whilst reading new moon. This is why I was all lovey dovey after reading breaking dawn. This why, when I was little, and I had lists of ‘reasons to stay alive’, one of the reasons was “Feeling happy, like after a movie” (because movies finish happy, and thus, I am happy). This is why I love being around people who are happy. This is why I felt all confessional last Thursday at drama J

Because I am empathetic. Because, whatever people around me are feeling, I feel it too. I feed off vibes. It’s what I do.
Like some of you peoples know (and some are about to find out), I am the most sensitive person in the world. EVERY SINGLE movie I watch, I cry. My claim to fame: I cried during Happy Feet. Even books. First book I cried in – Rainbow Fish. I was very happy that he was unselfish enough to share his scales. After that, books like Anne of Green Gables (when Matthew died), The Land Of Blue Mountains (when the dog gave up his heart for the little girl), the shitty Kitty book we read for English (all through parts 2 and 3, the book was boring! Still don’t know why I cried) and, of course, the Twilight Saga. I’m getting worse as I get older (did you hear about happy feat? The leopard seal was chasing the penguin, oh shiz!), I’ve started crying listening to songs, yes I am that sad.
So, all this time I’ve spent being overly sensitive, I’ve thought I was a freak. (OK, I’ve KNOWN I was a freak). But mum has always told me “Never be ashamed of being sensitive” (I know, I know, it sounds like “mummy says I’m special no matter what the other kids say”), and, until recently, I never have been.

But in the last few years, it has really become unbearable. I cry every ANZAC day, even before we see people marching, I think “wow, all these amazing people were willing to give up their lives, just for us” and snap, I’m bawling (yes, I am crying, after having written that).

I don’t want to be that person anymore. As much as I love being in touch with my emotions, it really makes life unbearable. Everytime I talk to someone who is upset, I feel it too. It does, occasionally, make me good at giving advice. I’m normally good at understanding two sides of a story, and I’m usually fair. (Unless one side is better for me, then I can be bias).

Lately I’m getting less empathetic and more sensitive. Things hurt me so much that other people’s problems, by comparison, are dulled. I feel like I’m not there for people, because I can’t understand them. I can’t understand why they make big deals out of little things.

Big(ish) things are going on with me right now. But big things are going on with other people too, I guess, I’m trying to say: I’m sorry if I haven’t been there for you, and I apologise in advance for how distracted I’ll be in the next few days until I figure out… well… everything.

I love my friends, especially the ones who read my blogs ;). You guys rock my socks! Just put up with me for a bit, okay? :)