~Twilight~

What I wrote on Sunday but didn’t post: 

 ‘‘I put my knees together, one elbow on each, and my forearms perpendicular with the car floor below me. I was vaguely aware of the chattering around me about my sister’s driving. I rested my face in the palms of my hands, allowing my hair to fall around me. And I thought of him. Every part of his precious beauty filled me as I wistfully wished him to be mine. My face grew sadder as the minutes passed by, and my fantasy fled as I realised he was the one thing I could never have.

 “What’s up?” my father’s words interrupted my thoughts, and I jerked my head up to look at him

 “She’s scared of my driving” my sister joked.

 “Enough to give you an instant headache, huh?” 

“No…” I stopped myself before I told them what I had been thinking. My father distracted my sister by continuing to instruct her driving, I was thankful to him. I allowed my mind to again be consumed with thoughts of him as I drifted between fantasy and reality.’ 

 OH SNAP!! 

But I like it… it’s sorta… nice. 

Like, idealistic, if you will. 

 I wrote that yesterday, in Spanish school. Just thought I’d share.

 You see… I want my own fantasy.

 Exam week. For everyone else… a big deal, they spent all week (and weekend for that matter) studying. What did I do? Read twilight 3 times. Midnight Sun (ch1-12) twice. New Moon. 

 So I’m guessing you’ve found my addiction. 

 And I don’t read the books because I like them, because I don’t think I like them all that much, they’re just my drug, my addiction. They give me hope. 

 As much as I try to remind myself that they are just books, I find great joy in believing that every girl has an Edward Cullen.’

 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

 Today: I figured it out. My addiction. I had an epiphany. 

 What’s the best thing about fantasy? You get to get away, escape everything, over look reality. 

 So why have I drowned my self in it?? Because that, more than anything else in the world, is what I need. I may have been acting a little odd lately, in fact I probably still am. Just a little…void. I don’t know why that is. I Do know, however that, although I do not enjoy the twilight series, I UNDERSTAND it, and that means more than you would think. I understand everything they do, except Edward, he just pisses me off. And, because I understand it, AND relate to it, it feels real to me. It feels like… I’m blurring the lines between fantasy and reality. I’ve forgotten where I end and Bella begins. Her traits and mine, intertwined within my head, so that through it all, I have hope. So why don’t you have hope, Ebony? Why don’t you have something to look forward to? Why don’t you CARE anymore??

 My answer: I don’t know. I just want to be lost, until it all finishes. What “it” is, I do not know. I just know that it must end for me to be happy. So… my dear Twilight, I have welcomed you with open arms Hoping that you hold something for me I don’t know if you do, I just know that you make things hurt less, and yet you still let me feel. What more could I want?? Twilight. When I first learnt that word, it was pure peace to me. It reminded me of blue, purple and black. The gap between cloudless day and cloudless night, it was poetic. I will never think of it that way again, it will always represent something comfortable, but never peaceful, I have lost the peace. But after all of this, I would like to end with a song, an unusual occurrence for my random blogs, but still, not a first. 

 The song: Wuthering Heights.

 The story: Similar to new moon. (important parts BIGGER) 

The difference: The names, there is a slight amount of role reversal, but all the ideas are common. Let Wuthering Weights be your forks. The lyrics:

Out On the wiley, windy moors

We'd roll and fall in green

You had a temper, like my jealousy

Too hot, too greedy

How could you leave me

When I needed to possess you?

I hated you, I loved you too

Bad dreams in the night

They told me I was going to lose the fight

Leave behind my wuthering, wuthering

Wuthering Heights

Heathcliff, it's me, Cathy, I've come home

I'm so cold, let me in in-a-your-window

Heathcliff, it's me, Cathy, I've come home

I'm so cold, let me in in-a-your-window

Oh it gets dark, it gets lonely

On the other side from you

I pine alot, I find the lot

Falls through without you

I'm coming back love, cruel Heathcliff

My one dream, my only master

Too long I roam in the night

I'm coming back to his side to put it right

I'm coming home to wuthering, wuthering

Wuthering Heights

Heathcliff, it's me, Cathy, I've come home

I'm so cold, let me in in-a-your-window

Heathcliff, it's me, Cathy, I've come home

I'm so cold, let me in in-a-your-window

Ooh let me have it, let me grab your soul away

Ooh let me have it, let me grab your soul away

You know it's me, Cathy

Heathcliff, it's me, Cathy come home

I'm so cold, let me in in-a-your-window

Heathcliff, it's me, Cathy come home

I'm so cold, let me in in-a-your-window

Heathcliff, it's me, Cathy come home

I'm so cold