Giggly and stupid

Ok, seriously people, if you don't want to read my blog, DON'T READ IT. Don't read it and then whinge to me that I talk about sex too much (one time, seriously, one time!)
At least three people have mentioned to me recently that they read my blog for the first time in forever recently, and then preceded to complain about it.
Go away. I do not want you here.
That is all.
(Pay no attention to my squirtiness as this post goes on)



I don't know if I want other people to be happy. I don't know if I want to be a nice person. I don't know why I should stop being selfish. Because, why shouldn't I be happy? And bad shit happens to good people so often, that it's hardly worth being good.
I don't know what I'm supposed to do, or who I'm supposed to be. I just want to be happy, you know?



You are so incredibly beautiful and I wish I could tell you that often enough that you would start to believe me. I wish you could see what I see when I look at you. I wish I could see what you see when you look at me.
I think we're good for each other (and so does my mum?) because I think we can make each other see that.



I feel like a burden on everyone in my life because all I want to do is talk about you, and I'm sure that's the most annoying thing in the world. But I am me when I'm with you. And when I don't remember who I am, I think of you. I'm sorry if I talk about you too much, it's just that, I love you.



You give me the giggly, stupid smile that Nikki says makes me look like I'm soft centered. Holding your hand makes me happy in an over-the-top way. I start missing you before you even leave. Sometimes I sit on Nikki's bed and start smiling and she knows straight away that I'm thinking of you. But I'm always thinking of you. You have taken permanent residence in my mind and I don't want you to leave. I don't want to give up this feeling. Ever.

Goodbye sunshines.

Beautiful world

Ok, so, I originally wasn't going to blog because my Internet downloads are diminising very quickly with all this school holiday spare time. But then, I thought, oh well, I may as well use it all up, right? (No, Ebony, that's a stupid idea).

Anyways, so here I am, and it's actually tomorrow now, which means I missed a day of blogging, oh how terrible. But I don't really care :L Because I have things to say =)

School holidays. It's like a time of intense loneliness, because everyone's doing their own thing, unless you're the kind of person that doesn't have a thing, and you keep jigging work for silly things like grand finals (31 years says it's not silly). And then you sit at home talking to people that are just as lonely and pathetic as you, and that you wish you could cheer up, but some part of you doesn't want them to be happy, and you don't know what to say because you're so fucking lonely yourself.

And you sit in bed at night for hours and you think about his smile. So damn beautiful. And you wonder if, maybe if you hadn't had so many weeks without that smile, maybe you could still believe that humanity was beautiful. Because he makes it beautiful. And you visualise the conversations you can never have because you get that funny feeling in your tummy when he's around, and it's something you haven't felt in so long, which is why you maybe didn't recognise it at first. And now you do recognise it, and you're scared of it, and you want to run away, but without that beautiful smile you just feel this overwhelming sadness. And maybe when you're with him, you feel sad as well, but he makes the world shine a little more.

Oh my gosh, I'm such a stupid little girl. =S

Oh well, in for a penny, in for a pound...

And just thinking about your smile, for hours on end each night, makes the night more beautiful, and my life more beautiful, and gives me reason to smile, and maybe even takes away a little of the sadness. The sadness that I guess was largely caused by you.
I wonder, if you had never entered my life, would I still be here? Or would I be... happy? The word sounds so strange, because I often feel so very sad, but I know there was a time when I was happy. Or at least... content. And I had all my boxes ticked, which I thought was a sign that I was happy, although now I'm starting to doubt it.

But I might be starting to doubt it because I'm mentally blocking the happy I felt, so that the sad doesn't take over so much. Or maybe, that wasn't happy?

I'm so stupid and confused.

Please make my world beautiful again.

Oh, and today is RUOK Day, which is some weird thingy thingo.
So yeah, please leave a comment, and tell me if you are ok. (And it's ok if you're not. We all fall sometimes, but we get up again)

None of these words are about you but some of them might apply

This is maybe the first blog I have ever written where I started with the title.
I usually add the title after I've finished the rest of the blog, and even after I've added the tags. Which is why the titles may not make sense for a lot of the time.

Anyways, getting back to today's title. It's taken from Eddplant's video "You're Not There - ORIGINAL FORM MY NEW EP!" Because at the end, when he's talking about his EP, he says "none of these songs are about you, but some of them might apply", which may be the most awesome collection of words claiming to be a sentence I've ever heard.
Also, check out that song (I don't link you places for no reason), people randomly appear, and join in with his song, on all their instruments, and it's just bloody cool. Two of his friends from the Sons of Admirals (Alex Day from the Internet and Tom "Bluer than blue, or is it Indigo?" Milsom) join him.

Speaking of the Sons of Admirals (as we always should be), I GOT MY SONS OF ADMIRALS TSHIRT ON MONDAY, which is so damn awesome that I may never take it off.
So yeah, the Sons of Admirals are trying to take to take over the world, as documented in Alex and Tom's videos, go and watch these and discover pure awesomeness.

Getting back to the title of my blog... which is words.
Beautiful, incredible, amazing words.
(With pretty picture, because, you know, the world is beautiful) (Yes Paul, despite my high expectations, and constant disappointment, I still believe the world is beautiful)



Enjoy your day!

Free falling

“You told me it'd be ok. But you were the one crying.

You told me to let go. But you were the one holding onto my shirt.”

"I love how you come over to me and start laughing and I start laughing too, and nothing's actually funny. But we both want an excuse to talk to each other. And maybe even an excuse to fall in love."



"Every atom of me misses you. Not a day goes by when you aren't etched in the regions of my mind. We're as different as can be. A realist, and an optimist. A goofy boy, and a serious young lady. An athlete of sorts, and a nerd. Someone who likes the Top 40, and someone who cringes at anything mainstream. Someone who is letting go, and someone who is holding on."

But sometimes it feels like we both let go, hoping we'd catch each other.
Now we're just free falling.



You know what I hate? Not telling you. Because I tell you everything. But now you know too much, and just when I was about to tell you I remembered that you know too much. And now I just want some pecan custard pie.

“You always believed what you saw. Until you learned to believe what you felt.

Do what you feel is right and you will always be doing the right thing."

Officially addicted to you

My sister just said "What the hell? So many grammar mistakes! 1980s doesn't have an apostrophe *curls up in foetal position*"
Then I asked her how to spell "curls" and "foetal"
But yeah, I've converted her to the dark side that be grammar nazis. Oh the joys we shall have.

So yeah, welcome to my first blog in too long.
In this too long period, Ebony has had her one year anniversary.
Oh how tres exciting.

And, also, I am officially addicted to letters to crushes (thank you very much Rosa!)
so yeah, since I don;t have any intelligent thoughts (ever), here are some awesome letters to crushes.

---

I wish you would just say you like me and get it over with. I'm not the type to tell you how I feel first. Don't you realize I'm waiting for you to make the move? Come on, I mean, you say you can read my thoughts through my eyes, so how could you miss this? Sometimes, when we look at eachother, I think you might be thinking what I am. Then again, what do I know? I'm just another girl... Why would you choose me? We're best friends and I don't wanna ruin that relationship.. but MAN! I like you. A lot.

---

& here's a toast, to attempting to get back what we never had.
To pretending you feel the same.

---

when your hair is wet, you look like a shaggy dog.

it is then that i find you most beautiful.

---

Boy,

Damn you look fine. I just want to reach over at lunch and touch your knee, that subtly patched fraying of your jeans.

I want to whisper you-and-me things in your ear

I want to interlock our fingers and gently sqeeze "I love you" in morse code into your palm.

Girl

---

You asked me the other day if we would still be friends if you were to marry.

The mere thought of it brought me to tears. Another girl, walking down the aisle, as you look on with the devotion and love I used to think I deserved. Heartbreak worse than when I told you I loved you, and you responded with embarrassed silence. If there is one thing in this world that could destroy me, it would be sticking around long enough to see you marry another woman.

You asked me the other day if we would still be friends if you were to marry. And I said yes.

---

I'm realizing there's nothing about you I can't accept.

---

Go fall in love guys.
Live long, and prosper.