You might roll your eyes at this,
But I'm so,
Glad that you exist.
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So yes I feel nostalgic for that time when I was still figuring things out and making eye contact with someone could still give me butterflies and playing the game
But there is something in the contentment of coming home to the same person every day and having someone I can rely on and someone to look after and who looks after me. In coming home after a long day and having you cook me dinner. In not having to play the game anymore because I've won.
I've won the game that everyone is playing.
And you are a wonderful prize.
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Sometimes it feels like I have everything I've ever worked for and sometimes it feels like I've failed at everything. Particularly when I break things. I hate breaking things. Maybe one day I will wake up and everything will feel ok but I think that day might be a while away. Do other people have those days? Or is it just always disappointment?
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And part of me is always terrified that we are going to wake up one day and realise we have grown too far apart and don't love each other any more.
Us, the fairytale couple.
The party pie and the sausage roll
The scientist and the engineer
The logician and the dreamer
The selfless and the selfish
The brain and the brawn
The yin and the yang
Us who compliment each other in every way.
Will stop being us.
And we will be left with nothing. Because all we have is each other, and all we want is each other and all we know is each other. And we will be stuck knowing and wanting and having nothing.
I don't want to be that empty.
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