Sorry.

I guess we all knew this was coming. It's my addiction. I just love writing these blogs.
Put up with it?

I wish you knew my thoughts. Even the ones I’m too embarrassed to tell you. I wish you knew that I was yours. I wish you knew that I compare everyone to you, and they all fall short. I wish you knew that I think about you all the time. Even at inappropriate times. I wish you knew that, whatever I’m doing, I always picture how different it would be if you were by my side (and it ALWAYS improves). I wish you knew that I want to spend my life with you by my side. I wish you knew how much I do things you do, and how much it makes me smile. I wish you knew how in love with you I am.

Sometimes I scare even myself. These thoughts make my mind swirl. Every word that means something different to me. Every hidden meaning, behind every alternate reality. And everytime something makes no sense, it always does to me.

If I trust in you, would you let me down?

Would you laugh at me, if I said I care for you?

Could you feel the same way too?

I wanna know..

Now I am here, talking to you

No wonder I get excited

Your smile, and the sound of your voice

And the way you see through me

Got a feeling, you give me no choice

But it means a lot to me

“What’s wrong?” They ask, as if they have no idea. “What’s always wrong?” I reply. Their faces don’t change, nothing changes, nothing will ever change. “Stop dwelling” as if solutions were so simple. “Distract me” I say. Of all the games we play, this is my favourite. The search for distractions. My favourite part is when they say something that reminds me of you, and they don’t realise. “Thank you” I say, as if their distracting worked, and I smile like Mona Lisa until the day’s end.

I want my fairytale
Just one second of it
One hug, or one touch
One chance to say ‘I love you’ in person
I want one opportunity to see your face
Or hear your voice
Or smell your scent
I want one opportunity
For me to give up on these stupid daydreams
Because there’s nothing left to be up all night imagining
Because it’s all real

Finally.

One of these days,
I’m gonna tell him I dream of him ever night
One of these days,
I’m gonna show him I care

Gonna teach him a lesson alright

You know, I search. Trying to figure out what I want. Of course, my subconscious is wiling to provide several scenarios that I “want”, but none of these seem to quite satisfy the question burning on the tip of my mind.

Maybe after all these useless words, we’ll figure out that nothing’s changed. That we can talk as much as we want, and nothing will ever make a difference. What then? Maybe these are just words, maybe that’s all they’ll ever be.

And if it’s alright I’ll still be loving you
Cuz I can’t break it to my heart
You still don’t have the answers
But if I still believe you love me,
Maybe I’ll survive,

So I tell myself you’re coming home

Some birds are not meant to be caged, that's all. Their feathers are too bright, their songs too sweet and wild. So you let them go, or when you open the cage to feed them, they somehow fly out past you. And the part of you that knows it was wrong to imprison them in the first place, but still, the place which you live is that much more drab and empty for their departure.

Or hug me. Because, I mean, sure, I have my issues, but if you really get to know me, you'll realise that I'm just lonely. That I just need a friend, I just need one really long hug and then maybe I'll be okay. So hug me, or talk to me, or listen to me when I'm going nuts and have only one thing I want to talk about. I need someone to listen sometimes. And other times, I need someone to care.

Smiling faces I can see

But not for me

I sit and watch

As tears go by

My riches cant buy everything

I want to hear the children sing

All I hear is the sound

Of rain falling on the ground

I sit and watch

As tears go by

Love is when they tell you what song they’re listening to, and your heart stops. Because this is the song you play on loop every night. Crying. Thinking of them.

Love is imagining them by your side, every second of every day.

Love is when everything you think, say or write, can be interpreted in such a way that it has a special meaning for them.

Love is hugging your pillow.

Love is staying up until midnight on Monday to Thursday.

Love is wishing on 11:11.

Love is waking up unhappy because the dream’s over.

Love is having only one thing you want to talk about. Always.

Love is you.

People say ‘follow your heart’, but I can’t. My brain very well knows that what my heart wants is irrational. And still, my brain momentarily stops functioning everytime I think of you. I think it is those moments that my brain knows my heart will win. It can’t argue with that, so it pretends to not be paying attention.

The sight of you will prove to me I’m still alive
And when you take me in your arms
And hold me tight

I know it’s gonna mean so much

I’m not sure you even know what it feels like.
To wake up every morning exhilarated
Before you realise that it was a dream, not reality
To wake up every morning hopeful
Could this be the day?
And to wake up every morning saddened…

Maybe tomorrow.

And you are the only one I dream of every night.

The only one I miss everyday.

You are my everything.

I think you're so mean

I think we should try

I think I could need

This in my life

I think I'm just scared

I think too much

I know this is wrong

It's a problem I'm dealing

And I just wanted you to know that I miss you.

And it feels like you're too far away, everytime I want to talk to you

I want you to know that I want you.

You were my best friend. And I told you everything. I still want my best friend.

And I want you to know that I need you.

That part of me is dying, because it has to live without you.

I want you to know that I love you.

And you think you understand that, but in all honesty, you couldn't even comprehend.

Well that's different

There’s a place I go
When I’m alone
Do anything I want
Be anyone I wanna be

This is who I wanna be

one - They talk as if they care. The ask as if it makes a difference. They listen as if they want to know. And it doesn't matter. I'll pretend that everyone cares, and I'll keep talking. Till everything stops hurting, and I am exhausted. And then I will stop. Stop hurting, stop talking stop caring.
TWO - Sometimes my mind drives me insane. The way I overanalyse myself and my life. I'm just like Gigi, as if every word makes a difference. And maybe, to some people, it does.
three - My OCD is killing me. Today in Smiggle I rearranged every single pencil container so that the rainbow striped lined up. And then I found another section...
Why, God, why??
four - The melody in my head is enough. The one that plays softly, sweetly. The one that plays my thoughts, my mood. My own little tune. The tune of infinite harmony, the tune that fits everything today. The tune you'll never be able to write, because the spirit isn't in the notes.

--------------------------------

I still don't have anything to write, per se. (How do you spell that?)

perhaps I shall continue then...

five - and to you it doesn't change a thing, to me it changes everything. but everything looks better in this light. so i'll let you believe what you will.
six - I want to be normal. Nothing more, just normal. Each day I crave normallity. I don't want to be smart or pretty or lucky or talented. I don't want anything I don't have... except normality.
seven - people tell me I have time, that I should stop rushing. No one knows that time is running out, each day it gets closer closer closer.
eight - Because it understood what it's like to miss someone. Someone who still stays close enough to make you smile, make you want them. But not quite close enough, not close enough to see.
nine - The empty pages haunt me. The lack of thought. The lack of being. Every unwritten word pricks my soul. And every word remains unwritten
ten - That's the smile we all miss. The one we all love, the one we haven't seen in a while. Of course, the fake smile is getting better. But we miss your smile.

--------------------------------

huh. im weird :S

Just stupid stuff.

one - 10 out of 10. It's always 10 out of 10.
TWO - When you think about it. You're 1 in 6 billion. 6 billion more important than you. 6 billion more important that what you think, and what you feel. 6 million more important than anything you've ever done. Not a single one more important than him...
three - And I'm a dreamer. I'll always be a dreamer. Sure, I can be realistic, but there'll always be a part of me that doesn't care for the truth. A part of me that can fly, and the only part of me that can feel. The part not afraid to dream.
four - Sometimes you can't help but feel sore.

I have nothing to say.
Because everything I have to say, I can't say, because I shouldn't say, because I shouldn't feel.

And this speechlessness is something entirely new for me.
Then again, so was jealousy.
And so, too, was shyness.

Wow.

Haha, yay for new experiences?

I hate that this blog is so wrong now.
I hate that, it doesn't live up to its purpose.
I hate that it's becoming a bloggyblog.
For the readers, not the writer.
I actually don't like it when people say "I love your blog"
I think "It's my blog, not yours, you're supposed to love it"
And I don't love it as much as I should.
And I KNOW I used to.
It had the happy aura I have been desperatley trying to create around myself all week.

And now I think of it an awful lot, and don't really write what I'm thinking.
Usually because I'm too scared.
Too scared that I will jump, and fall down.
Where did my wings go?

Finally, finally, finally, I'm back.

one - Have you ever felt beautiful? And I mean really beautiful, not just "I think I'm good looking", but more "I think I'm a good person and I love myself". Because I think you are all beautiful.
TWO - I want to be strong enough to smile, but part of me likes being weak enough to have an excuse not to.
three - People kept saying to me today "there will be other ANZAC days". The thing I never had the courage to say was "Yes, but how many more will he be alive for?". Maybe it would have shut some people up... but I don't want to think like that. Ever.
four - Don't kill me. Hurt me as much as you want, but, please, learn when you're crossing the line.

What a week.

What a BAD week, mainly, but also, just in gereal, what a week.

And I would tell you guys all about it, but I don't have the time/patience. So, I'll just say, what a week.

It went very slowly, and I missed my blog A LOT! I missed other people's blogs too, and reading other people's thoughts, I missed smithteens. I think I missed smithteens the most.
I missed having somewhere I can talk about happy stuff. Because that's what this blog is, now. It's happy. All these sad thoughts within me are ignored, so I can blog the happy stuff, and make myself feel happy.

I'm sorta glad I took a week off though. I mean, like I said, it wasn't a very good week, and I'm not sure I would have wanted people to know what I was thinking. Also, I did HEAPS of hw/studying. I am soo proud of myself! I've written IPT/Maths notes for the year, almost caught up on all the work I missed, and gone through and taught myself everything that my teachers are too incompetent to teach me.

And I've cried. About everything else, I've cried a lot. Which makes me feel freer. (Is that a word?)

I'm still not quite back to normal. Or at least, normal for myself. But I think I'm climbing again. Saturday was the low point, and it's all up from here. So I have hope. Because, well, things won't always be this way.

And, although I've lost my teddy, I still have my ewok (another reason why I will have to marry a star wars fan), and he hugs me too =)

So farewell, I shall blog again... eventually (maybe not tomorrow...)
I'll see you under the moon!




Conversations with my thirteen year old self

You're angry
I know this
The world couldn't care less
You're lonely
I feel this
And you wish you were the best

No teachers
Or guidance
And you always walk alone
You're crying
At night when
Nobody else is home

Come over here and let me hold your hand and hug you darling
I promise you that it won't always feel this bad
There are so many things I want to say to you
You're the girl I used to be
You little heartbroken thirteen year old me

You're laughing
But you're hiding
God I know that trick too well
You forget
That I've been you
And now I'm just the shell
I promise
I love you and
Everything will work out fine
Don't try to
Grow up yet
Oh just give it some time

The pain you feel is real you're not asleep but it's a nightmare
But you can wake up anytime
Oh don't lose your passion or the fighter that's inside of you
You're the girl I used to be
The pissed off complicated thirteen year old me

Conversations with my thirteen year old self
Conversations with my thirteen year old self

Until we meet again
Oh I wish you well oh
I wish you wellLittle girl
Until we meet again
Oh I wish you well
Little girl
I wish you well
Until we meet again
My little thirteen year old me

I'm leaving!

My mum just told me I'm not allowed on my computer for a week unless I'm doing hw.

I swear, she is pissing me off so much man.

So, we shall correspond, yes?

Ciao.

PS: Seriously, moon!

The art of a high5/thoughts

I discovered something extremely important about myself today:
I am an exceptionally bad high5er.

No, seriously.
Partially because I am totally uncoordinated, and miss the other person's hand 50% of the time.
Partially because, I never make a sound. It's like, I pat the other person's hand, I don't really hit it. So, I just let the other person high5 me instead, because it's too embarassing for me to high5 people. :L

And I never knew there was a specific art or skill involved in high5ing people, but I discovered today, that there is, and I just don't have it.

---------------------------------------

I was extraordiarily sad today.

This is becoming routine...

But, today was worse than yesterday; I'm scared what tomorrow will be like.

---------------------------------------

"All say, "How hard it is that we have to die" - a strange complaint to come from the mouths of people who have had to live." - Mark Twain

^ That is what makes me no longer fear death.

--------------------------------------

Nikki: "Ebony?"
Me: "Yus??"
Nikki: *picks up coffee cup from her seat* “I’m trying to think of something smart to say here, but I can’t think of anything so just take your cup!”

I'm not sure why I wrote this...

It's hard because, when you change your thoughts and your emotions, you change your posisiton. And people only recognise you for your position. When you no longer full that position, people don't care about you anymore. And I knew it would change, and I knew it would be hard, and I knew it would help me figure out some important things. What I don't like is the results. So, I should stop looking. But I can't because I'm different now, and this is what I see now. And I can't help that, and other people can't help that, and dammit, I need a hug.

HAHA, what an Ebony way to finish a sentence.

Gah, I don't wanna go to school. Maybe I shall stay at home, and blog some more, and NOT go to school. But, the clock is ticking, and my uniform is still wet (I forgot, okay?) so I must leave.

But it's okay, I can almost guarantee I'll blog this arvo. :D

I'll see you under the moon. =)

Just so you know I'm still alive...

I spent 2 hours in the same room as Mr Payne today, and survived.

Now, that's something to tell the grandkids about.
Remind me why I chose IPT??
Something about using a comuter, and gettin 2 units for my HSC??

Yeah, so not worth it!

Anyways, today is Monday, and on Mondays I have no life, so today I have no life (and people don't think I'm clever)
So I shall see you later =)

PS: Maybe I'll actually write something interesting, too.
PPS: I'll see you under the moon!

And I still think I'm normal...

I'm afraid life won't be beautiful. - iamaspen
Wouldn't it be nice to fly with fish and swim with pigeons? Wouldn't it be beautiful?
But we can't do that, we can't do many things, because there are limits to everything.
Imagine life without limits. Imagine how different things could be if we weren't restrained by physical barriers, stopping us from persuing dreams. Wouldn't it make life beautiful?


Maybe I'm normal, everyone else's strange - ThrivingViolet

You know I often think this. I often wonder why people think I'm so abnormal, when everything I do has a perfectly good reason behind it, and it's just that no one has ever bothered to figure out what it is...

But then I laugh at myself, because I'll NEVER be normal, and I'm okay with that.

Haven't seen butterflies in long time. – hirokee
When I was little, I used to see butterflies everywhere. I remember chasing them in my backyard. Mostly white ones, but occasionally there were coloured ones as well, and I’d skip around trying to catch them with my sister.
Where have all the butterflies gone? What happened to them?

I planted a flower... it died – coulda.been.a.comet
The first time I read this memoir, I was really, really sad. I mean sure, flowers die all the time, but, it’s so sad, isn’t it? Why does the flower have such a short life? Why isn’t it as good as we are?
It’s like when people say “they’re not worth it” people say that all the time, don’t they? But who are we to say who is and isn’t worth something? What if people don’t think I’m worth it? Well, maybe they are worth it, maybe we shouldn’t be so mean.


I believe in dreams coming true. – coulda.been.a.comet
Look at that turtle! Look at him go!

I believe his dreams are coming true. And I think everyone should dream, just as much as he is. Because, sure, he's no shark, but he still looks happy, because he's trying. If he puts in all his effort, he still feels fulfilled, because he knows he's being the best he can.

(Did I put too much thought into this one?) (More to the point, do I sound like a self-help book?)

"Do you like chocolate?"

"I prefer poison." – iamaspen

This appeals to the devil on my shoulder. She wants the poison. Sure, she wants the chocolate too, it's chocolate! But the poison is so tempting.

Besides, I have chocolate, and all it does is make me feel guilty, I want the poison.

Today was good, until it wasn’t – LoveMeEasy
And that's how my life goes. There's the good and the bad, but at the end of the day, it doesn't make a difference, because I'm gonna wake up in the morning and everything will be different. And things change. Even throughout the day, things change, and just because my day is going badly, doesn't mean that everything won't turn around just by something someone says.
Never give up.
Because there is ALWAYS another door to open, until you turn around and walk away.

I'm Already There

I remember, once, when I used a song on my blog, just for you to read. Not because it related to me in anyway, just because it was nice. And I think only one person actually read it (ty Amy).
It was OK, Here's The Truth, and I blogged it here. (It's in orange)
So now, I'm going to show another song.
Not because it relates to me.
Not because it's by someone I love (although...)
Not because it as the coolest tune.
Just because it has amazing lyrics, you just have to pay attention.
This is I'm Already There, and I first heard it by Westlife, even though that is not the original. But, I don't want the original, because, well, Westlife is cool!


He called her on the road
From a lonely cold hotel room
Just to hear her say “I love you” one more time
And when he heard the sound
Of the kids laughing in the background
He had to wipe away a tear from his eye

A little voice came on the phone
Said daddy “when you coming home?”
He said the first thing that came to his mind

I’m already there
Take a look around
I'm the sunshine in your hair
I'm the shadow on the ground
I'm the whisper in the wind
I'm your imaginary friend
And I know I'm in your prayers
Oh I'm already there

She got back on the phone
Said “I really miss you darling
Don’t worry about the kids they’ll be alright
Wish I was in your arms
Lying right there beside you
But I know that I'll be in your dreams tonight

And I'll gently kiss your lips
Touch you with my fingertips
So turn out the light and close your eyes”

I'm already there
Don’t make a sound
I’m the beat in your heart
I’m the moonlight shining down
I’m the whisper in the wind
And I’ll be there until the end
Can you feel the love that we share
Oh I'm already there

We may be a thousand miles apart
But I'll be with you wherever you are

I'm already there
Take a look around
I’m the sunshine in your hair
I’m the shadow on the ground
I’m the whisper in the wind
And I'll be there until the end
Can you feel the love that we share
Oh I’m already there

I’m already, there

Stories

one - you'll believe me eventually, because i'm telling the truth
TWO - I wish you'de reply to that, I want to know what you thought
three - we were talking and I didnt say, half the things I wanted to
four - Welcome to my home-shaped hell.

I just have a few stories to tell.

1. Mickey bear
I don't think I've mentioned my teddy bear to you guys all that much, but his name is Mickey bear, and he sleeps/ed with me every night. I've had him since I was born, I think. Or maybe from my first Christmas (1 month and 6 days later). Anyways, whichever, I've had him for as long as I remember, and I've taken him on EVERY holiday.
Then, on this year's holiday, I left him at Laurieton, apparently he was caught down the side of the bed, or in the sheets or something, I dunno, he got left there. But whilst we were visiting, so were people who live 3 streets away from us, and they decided to bring him home for me.
We went to pick him up from them a few days ago, and they said they searched everywhere, and the can't find him.
I'm going to kill them. I need Mickey bear. :(
And I don't care if I'm too old for my teddy bear okay? Because I have HEAPS, it's just that, Mickey was soo special, he's been everywhere with me, and at the end of EVERY day, I've given him a hug.
I want him back :(

2. Long-distance family
Some of my "cousins" are over at the moment from England. Well, she's my 5th cousin twice removed (we counted). Anyways, they are so cool. And they're staying with us until Tuesday. I just thought I'd mention that.

3. Grandparents
My grandparents were over last night. Ok, you know how there's a point in time, when you can see in someone's face, that, they're old. Like, they have that look about them, that "life's too much" sort of look in their eyes. Yeah, well, my grandmother looked old, and that's really scary for me.
Of course, my grandfather will remain forever young, because that's just the sort of perosn he is, but I'm scared of that look in her eye last night.

4. Music
I have a song to redommend. And I assure you it is in no way related to Taylor Swift. Have we all seen '10 Things I Hate About You'? (R.I.P Heath). Ok, well, this song is from the paintball scene, and it is pretty awesome. It's called FNT, and it's by semisonic. Lyrics:

Fascinating new thing
You delight me
And I know you're speaking of me
Fascinating new thing
Get beside me,
I want you to love me

I'm surprised that you've never been told before
That you're lovely and you're perfect
And that somebody wants you

Fascinating new thing
The scene-makin'
Want a temporary savior
Fascinating new thing
Don't betray them
By becoming familiar

I'm surprised that you've never been told before
That you're lovely and you're perfect
And that somebody wants you
I'm surprised that you've never been told before
That you're priceless and you're precious
Even when you are not new.

Instrumental

I'm surprised that you've never been told before
That you're lovely and you're perfect
And that somebody wants you
I'm surprised that you've never been told before
That you're priceless, yeah, you're holy
Even when you are not new.

Stupid song

I just turned on media player. put it on random. clicked next, and

STUPID FUCKING SONG!!!

Apologies for language.
I must go now, again.

PS: It's not by matchbox 20 :)

Valentine's Day.

Today is Valentine’s Day.
And if I can’t be stupid and Ebonyish and blog about some silly little boy I stupidly love on Valentine’s Day, when can I, right??
So, well, here goes nothing.

Turn out the lights now
To see is to believe
I just want you near me
I just want you here with me
And I'd give up everything only for you
It's the least that I could do

He's beautiful in every way possible. – Jilliantheincredible

And it's not Friday, it's Saturday. But I was in love on Friday too, and I will be in love on Sunday, as well. And I don't mind which day of the week it is, because nothing changes, and I still don't have you.

I'm the one who makes you laugh
When you know you're about to cry
And I know your favorite songs
And you tell me about your dreams
Think I know where you belong
Think I know it's with me

And I know, we fought a lot. We fought about things we agreed on too, like whether people should be remembered for things they said. But I miss fighting with you. Especially at the end, when you'd say "It doesn't matter"..."I love you"

I want to be your kryptonite. – iamaspen

And the hardest part isn’t being without them. The hardest part isn’t waking up in the morning. The hardest part isn’t saying “good” when people ask how you’re doing. The hardest part isn’t smiling, or laughing, or faking happy. The hardest part is being able to feel how close your dream is, but knowing that they don’t care enough to make it a reality.
Everyday, I wake up, and I miss you.
I miss being able to text you and say “good morning”, or “what are you doing today?” or “Guess what?? I love you!”
I miss knowing that I could talk to you.
I miss waking up happy.
I miss waking up smiling.
So, sometimes, I just sleep in. Because I know that when I do wake up, you won’t be any closer.

Cause I can't help it if you look like an angel
Can't help it if I wanna kiss you in the rain, so
Come feel this magic I've been feeling since I met you

And you smile. Not because you’re happy. Not because you feel like it. Not because the agony is fading. You smile because you want to love yourself; then, maybe, he’ll love you too.

I don't know if you remember saying that to me, but you did.

And, sure, it took a little while, but I came back.

I didn't know you were going to change your mind in all that time.

Or maybe I would have been a little quicker.

But I can't change that now, all I can do is wait.

I guess I’d just like to say that I’d move a mountain for you. I really would. But you don’t want me to move a mountain, you want me to walk away. And though I’ve said I’d do anything for you, I don’t know if giving up is one of those things. Maybe I should consider it, but, I can’t imagine my life without you in it. So, if you ever need anything else from me, you can have it. Just don’t tell me to leave.

Everyone in my class always knows when someone has asked me about you, because my voice changes, and I get this weird look in my eyes, I start smiling differently, and people have learnt to recognise your smile. They say my eyes hold love instead of hate, that everything else I talk about is so cold, and you…

I guess I can feel the change too; it’s a nice change. Maybe that’s why I think about you so much, because it makes me feel warm and beautiful, and everything falls into place.

I'd trade everything for one day. – edyka

Everyone asks me how you feel. What you think of all of this. What your solution is. The words “I don't know” just become more and more inadequate. “So ask” Well, I guess I’m too scared to ask. I don’t want to know how you feel because I’m scared that…

I'm scared that you don't care.

wishing you were somehow here again... – music_girl

I was having a beautiful day, and then I woke up.

Please explain this one small thing
Why is it you can’t see
Underneath my false pretence
To how much you mean to me

You see I have a problem that
I’m happy when you’re near
I spends my days, my weeks thinking
“I wish that he were here”

You’re so good at working things out
That’s what you tell me everyday
I’ve even learnt to believe you
After all the things you say

So why can’t you understand this?
After all the hints I left you
I don’t really want to tell you
I just wish that you knew

So I’m writing you this poem
Could you please just take a hint?
And tomorrow when I talk you
Don’t tell me that you didn’t

So please, just understand this!
I’m clean out of ideas
To let you understand, the pain

You’ve caused me, and the tears

Well in case you failed to notice,

In case you failed to see,

This is my heart bleeding before you,

My heart's yours for the taking. – Mandy

Have you ever met someone that, you just want them to be happy. You’d turn around and leave if that made them happy. You’d stick around, too, if that was what they wanted. And when it comes to what you want, well, you’d want it less if that worked too.

And now I have to go. Because if I stay here any longer, I'm going to hurt myself more, and I'm already hurt enough. So goodbye everyone, I hope you guys have a great Valentine's Day.

Swimming Carnival 09

Well, well, well. In year 7, we were told “you’ve never been to anything quite like a Hurlstone swimming carnival”. Oh, how true.

Today was the first swimming carnival we’ve had that wasn’t on Valentine’s Day, I think that definitely impacted it. As well as the fact that it was raining, and, by lunchtime, the day was practically over.

But everyone got in the spirit, as usual. The slightly strange array of crazy costumes and cross-dressing was not hindered by the weather, although not many people swam, and the bribe “You’ll get a free iceblock” didn’t work its usual magic.

The music was awesome, as per usual, and the mosh pit pretty much stayed consistent throughout the day. Those of us that didn’t mosh, still managed to sing along, very much out of tune.

As far as I know, no teachers were pushed into the pool, (although Mr Peck was expecting to be), and “Wilso is a wanker” only stuck around for a few minutes. Yes, the teachers got away lightly. But, they showed great spirit by joining in the ‘Deckers’ cheers.

MACARTHUR DID NOT WIN. But, they still beat us, because, well, everyone beat us! (We stand by that it was the pity pints from the cheering comp, something we’ve had to come to terms with over the years).

And that’s as much detail as I will go into about the carnival, because EVERYOINE will blog about, and it will get BORING.



In other news, Matchbox Twenty is stalking me. No, seriously, the other day I was randomly singing “Unwell” at school, (someone told me I wasn’t crazy), and then Lucy’s like “that’s by matchbox 20, isn’t it?” Me: “uhhh…?” In case you were wondering, yes, yes it is.

Then me and my sister were singing “Push” (We’re cool like that), and so I turned on my computer to listen to it, and guess who it’s by? Matchbox 20, shocker there.

And today I was demonstrating my air guitar skills to my sister (I took my air guitar to school for “Macquarie Musicians”), and she said “Trust you to pick a matchbox 20 song”. Me: “What song was it?” You wanna know? It was How Far We’ve Come.

So if you see a matchbox twenty song, and it was to know where I am, DON’T TELL IT!! I am scared of what it will do to me.

Just so you know

one - still havent figured that much out
TWO - im not smiling as much anymore... its starting
three - i don't want to be scared of anything ever again
four - People will always throw stones on your path. But you can build them into a wall, or a bridge.

Attention self:
What. The. Hell.You are not disappointed. No, no you are not! Because, who’s to say that it’s not what you wanted, huh? You think you know yourself, but you don’t! And you think that you wanted it to go differently, but maybe that’s because you wanted everything to repeat. And maybe if things DO repeat, you’ll end up exactly where you are now, and that is NOT helpful. No, you didn’t want it go any other way.

------

Ignore my insanity.

LOL
Kolodziej: "It looked like you were talking to yourself"
Me: "I was singing, sir"
Kolodziej: "No, Ebony, there's no reason to be talking in my classroom!!"
Lana: *whispering* "Sorry Ebz, that was me talking"

LOL! He has weird vendettas against 8Rers.
Wonder why....

ANYWAYS.

Cheesy pickup lines:

What's Your Name? Or Don't Angels Have Name?

Can I Get Directions To Your Heart, Im Kinda Lost In Your Eyes!

LOL! Reminds me of Amy/Nina.

Haha, clearly, I have nothing to say today.
:L
Didn't stop me blogging, did it??

281!!

Ok, well, I found this in an old email, and I just thought I'd share it with you:

someone hates you
someone loves you
someone talks about you
someone is cryin for you
someone is bleedin for you
someone wants you to know you are loved
someone is scared of you
someone is living for you
someone has died for you
someone prays for you
someone kills for you
someone wants to kiss you
someone wants you
someone is dying for you
someone is writing for you
someone is thinking of you
someone knows your number
someone knows your address...
someone knows everything about you..
someone is willing to share your pain
someone is hoping that you knew how much,
someone loved you
someone watches over you
someone wants to say goodnight to you
someone wants to hug you
someone wants to hold your hand
someone thinks of you everyday
someone thinks of you every hour
someone thinks of you every minute
someone thinks of you every moment
someone thinks of you RIGHT NOW
someone just wishes you knew...
one person could love you this much...

the truth??
someone loves you,
but you dont know that,
they just want to let you know..

they wish you knew

Ngaww, don't we all feel special now??
OK, well, I shall leave, because I am boring you with my boredness :)

Ciao, I'll see you under the moon!

Stupid stupid song

Ok, I just wanted to point out that in 1114 songs, I ALWAYS manage to hear the only song that makes me want to tear my hair out, and is only there because it would hurt me too much to delete it. And how much that sucks. Because, I only listen to about 20 songs each time, and if it's on random, HOW THE HELL DO I KEEP HEARING THIS??????

I will look back on this and laugh.


Tomorrow.

Being meaningful

one - start with acceptance, grow from there
TWO - don't deny that every word was beautiful
three - dare i say "you started it"?
four - don't do the thing you love. find the love withing the thing you do

"Remember the good ole’ days, when petrol was 90c a litre, and stamps were only 45c? I’m gonna tell my grandchildren about that." - Nikki.

It changes, nothing goes on forever – Red

Everything changes. There comes a point when you realise that things are never going to be how they were, and more than that, things are never again going to be how they are now.
You focus so much on how good things used to be that you forget about how good they are, until you lose everything, and then you see what it meant.

That's how we appreciate things, by ending them. We appreciate love by seeing hate, we appreciate light by seeing dark, we appreciate beauty by seeing ugly.

I don't miss last year.
This has been the first year in many that I have been able to say that.
I don't miss how my class/group/life was back then. Becuase things change. And rather than asking "why do things change?" i ask "what am i going to do with the new things?"


The fight to find the reason. – shhhme

People ask why. And the truth is, I don't know why. I don't understand anything any better than they do. I don't know anything more than they do, I just look for more. Maybe, I don't ask, though, because I'm scared of the answer. Maybe I'm scared that there's a good reason, and maybe that's something I'm not ready to accept.

People ask how. And I don't know that either. They ask me so many questions, most of which I don't have answers for. But the ones I do answer, they're learning to accept. Everyday, my answers become more detailed and more meaningful, everyday, they get closer to what I mean.
If you dig, you will find it.

really makes you think, doesn't it – notamazing

I'm just invisible

one - I just know I'm a walking time bomb
TWO - That's the problem, I don't want to.
three - Stop hurting her, because she takes it seriously
four - i hated it when you changed the subject, even though i asked you to, you see, there's one thing i just love talking about... thankyou for mentioning it.

I can't do anything about it. – coulda.been.a.comet

You know, so far this month, I have blogged 12 times. Considering it is the 9th, that is A LOT. I am so weird sometimes…

And you know what?! I love my blog. It’s like, my “happy place”, if no one ever read any of this shit, I would write it anyways, because I love my blog so much.

Hehe, just reading through my old posts, starting from the beginning, I can really see how much I’ve changed, it’s really weird actually. I’m more mature (go figure), and less whiney, I usually accept things for how they are; instead of saying “why are things like this?” I say “what can I do with this situation?” I am MUCH happier (its all the incessant blogging, isn’t it?), and I’ve found my place.

I ask myself too many questions. - ayanastar

LOL, I’m being so reminiscent, but, I sign on to blogger at EVERY given opportunity, sometime to read other peoples blogs, but usually to reread mine, I go over the whole page every time, haha, even writing this, I’ve stop a gazillion times to read my blog, because it is totally awesome!!

Hmm, I love my mind. I never thought I’d say that, but, I love my mind. How each little detail of all my blogs amounts to something huge, that things are implied but never spoken, and in the end, you can just feel it.

Some things you don’t realise about my blog:
– when I do those silly quiz things, and don’t blog normally, it means I’m replacing my thoughts with a quiz because either a) im embarrassed about my thoughts b) you guys aren’t ready to hear my thoughts, or c) im scared ill offend you if I tell you how I feel.
– every single picture I choose has A LOT of thought put into it (no really, a lot!), and might be about you guys, or might not be, you just have to figure it out
– all those 6 word memoirs are there because I have something to say to you that I cant use normal words for.
– “I’ll see you under the moon” is taken from a movie called Instant Message. The main characters are pen pals from when they were in middle school. They always knew they would meet, they didn’t know where, they didn’t know when, they didn’t know how, all they knew was that it would be under the moon, so they signed all their letters “I’ll see you under the moon” Haha! Hopeless romantic alert!

You're beautiful. You just don't see. - GoldfishGirl

OK then, now that we have been all cool and reflective, I will leave.
Do you want a song??
ALWAYS!

OK, this is my current favourite song… go and download it!!!
(You’ll be able to hear me singing it, instead of her… no, really, it’s like, exactly how I think. Go and download it!!! Why are you sitll reading?? LEAVE!! NO! Don't look at the lyrics until you download it!!)

I give you INVISIBLE – Taylor Swift (gee, there’s a change of pace)


She can’t see the way your eyes light up when you smile
She’ll never notice how you stop and stare whenever she walks by
And you can’t see me wantin you the way you want her
But you are everything to me

[Chorus:]
And I just wanna show you
She don’t even know you
She's never gonna love you like I want to
You just see right through me but if you only knew me
We could be a beautiful miracle unbelievable instead of just invisible

There’s a fire inside of you that can’t help but shine through
She’s never gonna see the light
No matter what you do
And all I think about is how to make you think of me
And everything that we could be

[Chorus]

Like shadows in a faded light
Oh we’re Invisible
I just wanna look in your eyes and make you realize

I just wanna show you she don’t even know you
Baby let me love you let me want you
You just see right through me
But if you only knew me
We could be a beautiful miracle unbelievable instead of just invisible

She can’t see the way your eyes light up when you smile

Random thoughts.

one - I tell them off, but I wish they'd mention you more
TWO - "I just wanna open you eyes, and make you realise"
three - You understand, you just pretend you don't
four - it's only words. and words are all i have to take your heart away

I smell like mouldy oranges :S

But that’s irrelevant.
(Well, not if you’re in the same room as me)
(Although no one else can smell it)


HAHA! I just went and sat on my driveway for 10 minutes watching Luna (this is normal for me), and my neighbour comes out and looks at me, and goes “what are you doing?” and I’m like “Uhhh, watching the moon” and he’s like “...right”

LOL! And now I totally forgot what I was gonna write… dammit.

Memoirs, anyone??


This is not your last chance – E. Rigby

And you've got a smile
That could light up this whole town
I haven't seen it in awhile
Since she brought you down
You say you're fine
I know you better than that

Beautiful is a state of mind. – October

The way you walk, the way you talk, the way you say my name
It's beautiful, wonderful, don't you ever change

Take me away. Get lost together. – Quirktastrophe

But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
And it's 2am and I'm cursing your name
You're so in love that you act insane
And that's the way I loved you

Call me different. I say beautiful. - ayanastar

I think he can see through everything
But my heart
First thought when I wake up is
My god he’s beautiful
So I put on my make up
And pray for a miracle

You're the most beautiful person ever. – Thriving Violet

And I stare at the phone, he still hasn't called
And then you feel so low you cant feel nothing at all
And you flashback to when he said forever and always

Spend a lot of time dreaming. – coulda.been.a.comet

And I just wanna show you
She don’t even know you
She's never gonna love you like I want to
You just see right through me but if you only knew me
We could be a beautiful miracle unbelievable instead of just invisible

Always the lover, never the loved. – ilove2shop

So, yeah, that's it!
(*I only borrowed it)

Welcome to reality

one – actually, I am, and it’s only you that doesn’t see it.
TWO – you didn’t know you were quoting my fantasy. I’m telling you know
three – first, we’ll master the art of dishonesty
four – I wish someone would throw pebbles at my window

The only problem? He's not you. – lauraseagull

Ok. Dude. Stop staring at me!! I’m beginning to think you’re retarded. I mean, sure, at first it was sort of funny. But now, it’s like, WHY???? Gah, you’re pissing me off. Stop. It. And it’s not like, normal, you’re a creepy starer. Like there’s something totally crazy about me, and you’re wondering how I can continue to function. It actually surprises me to say, but I AM MORE NORMAL THAN YOU!! (Mainly because I don’t think my teacher can fly) (I think I just gave away who this is about)
Anyways, I don’t wanna go now cuz I’m scared you’ll be there. Watching. And I have to say hello to you. Because otherwise you’ll know I’m avoiding you, but you will be there.
I guess I’ll just see you there, then?

----------------------

Sadly, my world revolves around boys – Juju

Yesterday, I bought Lucy’s Valentines Day present, and card. My mum still thinks I’m getting it for a guy, :L. I guess she thinks I’m a normal teenager.
Oh well, I appreciate my friends more than boys (sometimes) (yay me!).
Ohhh, so THAT’S why everyone was saying I was a lesbian. :L.
Ah well. I love Lucy!!

My heart belongs to the moon. – Thriving Violet

I’ll see you under the moon!

Stuff

one - I've already picked it out. 5 years ago. Your turn now.
TWO - I guess I shouldn't have assumed you meant it.
three - I hope I'm not always invisible
four - Thank you for asking if I was okay. I wasn't. I didn't tell you that. But I could have.

My sister wants to name her kid Luke.
That’s not fair, it was sooo my name first! Right??
Grrr, why do we have to think so alike???

Our conversation:
N: “I told Mum I was gonna have 2 kids, and name one of them Luke, and one-”
E: “You’re WHAT?!”
N: “I’m gonna name one Luke, love the name Luke”
E: “Me too, which is why I’m naming MY kid Luke!”
N: “NO! I’m naming my kid Luke! I’m gonna have twins, and one is gonna be Luke”
E: “I’ve loved the name Luke longer than you have, I get to name MY kid Luke”
N: “No way, I’m getting Luke”
E: “BULLSHIT!! I will have a kid tomorrow if it will mean I get to name my kid Luke”
N: “I will KILL YOU to name my kid Luke”

So, if I don’t blog for a while, my sister killed me for a name :L
Until then.
I have something to share with you.
Yesterday, after my sister downloaded heaps of cool Taylor Swift songs, I found another that will definitely make me cry.
You wanna know what it is??

(Of course, I thought it was about her Dad, and when Nikki said it was about her Mum, it suddenly doesn’t mean much to me anymore. But I’ll write it anyways.

THE BEST DAY

I'm five years old
It's getting cold
I've got my big coat on

I hear your laugh
And look up smiling at you
I run and run

Past the pumpkin patch
And the tractor rides
Look now -- the sky is gold
I hug your legs and fall asleep
On the way home

I don't know why all the trees change in the fall
I know you're not scared of anything at all
Don't know if Snow White's house is near or far away
But I know I had the best day
With you today

I'm thirteen now
And don't know how my friends
Could be so mean

I come home crying and you hold me tight and grab the keys
And we drive and drive
Until we've found a town
Far enough away

And we talk and window-shop
Until I've forgotten all their names

I don't know who I'm gonna talk to
Now at school
I know I'm laughing on the car ride home with you
Don't know how long it's gonna take to feel okay
But I know I had the best day
With you today

I have an excellent father
His strength is making me stronger
God smiles on my little brother
Inside and out
He's better than I am

I grew up in a pretty house
And I had space to run
And I had the best days with you

There is a videoI found from back when I was three
You set up a paint set in the kitchen
And you're talking to me

It's the age of princesses and pirate ships
And the seven dwarfs
Daddy's smart
And you're the prettiest lady in the whole wide world

Now I know why all the trees change in the fall
I know you were on my side
Even when I was wrong
And I love you for giving me your eyes
Staying back and watching me shine

And I didn't know if you knew
So I'm taking this chance to say
That I had the best day
With you today

Now I'll stop thinkning about it...

One – I stopped. That was the first step.
TWO – It should make a difference, but it doesn’t
Three – It was just something I had to do
Four – I guess it didn’t make sense in the first place, did it?

Explanation of weird behaviour after drama:

Everything was perfect. The sand, the waves, the rocks, the sun, and especially the person sitting next to me. I was completely at ease. It was beautiful, unbelievable. The feeling of complete relaxation was one I’d never before encountered. This was how my mind relaxed best, imagining you. And then he said “You have to be completely alone”, so I tried. I forced my picture, I warped it, I used all my energy to push you out of my mind. You fled, and I held you away. “Relax” he said. I let go, I stopped pushing; you flooded back to me. No! I forced you away. Pushing, pushing. “Be completely relaxed,” he repeated. No! I can’t! Not if I’m meant to be alone. I opened my eyes and gave up. Relaxation without you doesn’t exist; I guess I should have known.

Things that make me sad

one - Even perfect things come undone

TWO - I didn’t dream of you last night. Relief.

three - It wasn’t all about you. It is now.

four - I just wish someone would ask me…

Hehe.
Today I am blogging about: DEPRESSION.
(yay?)
Not, like, full on though, just…
Well…

I am too happy.
No, really. I’ve never been this happy before. I am self-actualised. I’ve also never been happy for such a long period of time without getting depressed.
And the world works in waves (Go science!)
Which means, after the big uppy wave, comes the big downy wave.
Things have to balance.
So, I’m gonna get depressed.
And the longer I stay happy, the more depressed I’m gonna get.

(Really puts a smile on your face doesn’t it?)

So this is just a warning.
I’m gonna be really sad soon.
And it’s normal. For me.

Oooh, and today I found my depression song
(I always have a song. We all know I have a song for EVERYTHING. This includes depression)
(I think last time it was Try Honesty – Billy Talent)

You wanna know what it is??

BREATHE – Taylor Swift.

(I’m sorry, I love her!!)

I’m scared of how depressed I’m gonna get, too.
But I know it’s gonna happen, gradually…
First, I’ll have to force a smile to make me happy
Then maybe a laugh
Soon, I’ll have to justify happy opinions to myself
And eventually, there’ll be nothing I can do…

UNTIL THEN…

Smile! The stars are watching you.

:L

I’ll see you under the moon. ;)




I see your face in my mind as I drive away,

Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way.

People are people,

And sometimes we change our minds.

But it's killing me to see you go after all this time.

Mmm mmm mmm

Mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm

Mmm mmm mmm

Mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm

Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie,

It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see.

Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down,

Now I don't know what to be without you around.

And we know it's never simple,

Never easy.

Never a clean break, noone here to save me.

You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand,

And I can't,

Breathe,

Without you,

But I have to,

Breathe,

Without you,

But I have to.

Never wanted this, never wanna see you hurt.

Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve.

But people are people,

And sometimes it doesn't work out,

Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out.

And we know it's never simple,

Never easy.

Never a clean break, no one here to save me.

You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand,

And I can't,

Breathe,

Without you,

But I have to,

Breathe,

Without you,

But I have to.

It's two a.m.

Feelin' like I just lost a friend.

Hope you know it's not easy,

Easy for me.

It's two a.m.

Feelin' like I just lost a friend.

Hope you know this ain't easy,

Easy for me.

And we know it's never simple,

Never easy.

Never a clean break, noone here to save me.

Ohhh I can't,

Breathe,

Without you,

But I have to,

Breathe,

Without you,

But I have to.

Sorry (oh) Sorry (mmm)

Sorry (eh eh) Sorry (mmm)

Sorry (eh eh) Sorry (mmm)

Sorry

Reresolve

one - that was only to upset you, I hope it worked
TWO - i haven't told you how much it meant to me, but i will
three - it was for you. all of it was for you.
four - i was too scared to tell you right then who it was for, i should have told you about my blog, but i don't want to.

I am going to go through my resolutions, and see what I have achieved, and what I haven't (I know it's boring, but... I want to ACHIEVE something this year)

Fill memoir account - DONE!! AND I let everyone see it, which is totally incredible for me, I'm sure you're all sooo proud

Write everything down - I do! Not only on my blog, though, the amount of sheets of random paper lying around my house is incredible. And the random word documents, too.

Blog every week - So far, so good. (I've actually started blogging more than everyone I follow PUT TOGETHER, so that's... well... a little crazy :L)

Stop biting fingernails - I am soo close, I swear. I mean, I dunno, I guess it will always be a habbit, but, I haven't completely destroyed any of them this year, so, yay me.

Make moneys ($D) - I still don't know why I wrote that, but I guess, yeah, I've done that too

Smile more - YES!! I mean, not today, cuz I was too tired (and now my kiddies think I'm normal :L) but, like, yesterday, and the day before, and the day before, I've been very smiley lately.

Be healthier - Umm, well, nooo, I'm actually less healthy. But that's not my fault, I'm still sick, and it's totally messing with me.

I have a warped view of life

The rule of this tag: "Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you (that would be me). If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you."

1. I once had the exact same dream about 2 very special people in my life, weird though, it only applied to one of them. So I kept thinking heaps about why it would apply to the other one, and ended up liking the one it didn’t apply to, even though I original liked the one it did apply to.

2. I haven’t had Limewire now for about 6 months, and haven’t been able to download music. This did not stop me learning the lyrics to EVERY Taylor Swift song on azlyrics.com

3. I’ve told people for about a year now that I want to marry an Italian. I changed my mind when my sister remembered that Italians are mummy’s boys, and my mum said Italian mother-in-laws are bitches. Now I want to marry someone with Hazel eyes (I’m so shallow!!)

4. I talk to myself more than I should, because my mind is always multitasking and can’t focus, so voicing things makes them easier to understand.

5. I often wonder what people think of me because I have such a random personality, I wonder how anyone could possibly juggle all of me, I’m so mood swingy.

6. You know those people who are really really funny? I hate them. Because I always laugh heaps and then feel like an idiot, and then I get embarrassed by being around them.

7. Everyday I work, I wear a ribbon in my hair. I do this for a particular person there. If he read this, he would know I was talking about him. (I’ve started wearing them at school too.)

8. Everytime I try and figure out what I want to be “when I grow up”, I meet someone who is living out my dream. I met the most recent one on Sunday, so right now, I’m stuck between dreams. I don’t wanna live in their shadow.

9. The person I’ve mentioned the most so far on this thingo, is the person in my life who I know the least. Don’t know their last name, don’t know where they live, what school they go to, anything!

10. I cry everyday. It’s the only thing guaranteed in my life. Not a smile, not a laugh, not a shred of hope, just a cry. Lately, I’ve been crying to the same song every night, because it regulates my life. It means that I don’t cry at any other point in time (I know, it’s weird), and I only cry to this song because it has meant so much to me ever since I read the lyrics. (My sister downloaded it, because I needed to hear it, because the lyrics were so cool, and omgsh, the song is even better).

11. I can’t wait till Valentine’s Eve. Even though the whole idea is stupid, I have 2 Valentines (only 1 knows :L), and I want to make them feel special. More than anything in the world.

12. I’ve always wanted to be a writer, and I’ve started writing lots of stories, but I never finish what I start, so they remain incomplete. Now I realise that if I’d discover blogging a few years ago, I would have all the half-stories documented, and it would be a beautiful little haven.

13. I am the best 13 player that you’ve met that isn’t Asian. :P

14. It's very weird for me that I’m a messy person, because I’m such a perfectionist. I think that I’m always looking into what I will do in the future, so I don’t have time to put things where they belong.

15. I love vegetables, I love simple foods. I don’t like most lollies, or chips, but I can’t be bothered to put effort into making food, so I eat things I don’t like.

16. (This is sort of from a movie) I’ve always wanted to make a snow angel. But I don’t want to leave a footprint in the snow when I leave. So, “With him, there’s not footprints” (You have to see the movie to get this)

17. I talk to other people in my head. I’ve had conversations with most of you in my head, things I’ll never have the guts to say. Sometimes, I write them down. And very rarely, I add them into my story.

18. Everything I blog has a hidden meaning. But you have to be REALLY clever and have a REALLY good memory, and a LOT of intuition to figure it out. When I read over my posts, I see the things other people didn’t, and I actually get a really good record of my life.

19. I think things through so much that I come to conclusions that are 50% wrong. I should give up this habit, but the 50% of the time I get it right, it really helps to be a step ahead of other people.

20. For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted a daughter. And I don’t mean, like, in the future, I mean, I’m ready to have a kid, like, tomorrow. My reason for wanting her being “I need to find someone who I can love, and not feel guilty about it. Someone I can give my entire self to, and have at least a bit of it returned. Someone I can take through life with me” (Quote from what I said at truth/dare at Annie’s party.)

21. The most inspirational person I’ve ever known is my grandfather. And the best compliment I have ever received from ANYONE was when he said, “that’s something I would have done when I was younger, I’m proud of you”

22. There’s something I really want to write, but I’m scared I’ll offend someone, so I’m not writing it. (But later on, I’ll look at this, and know what I’m thinking right now)

23. So far in life, I’ve found my Troy Bolton, my Romeo, and my Edward Cullen. (LOL!!) (In that order…). I think each person I meet is really a character to me. Sorry guys, you are only a character to me :L.

24. I check my emails at least 20 times a day. I only have an email one or two of those twenty, but every single one is worth it, so I keep checking. *logs into hotmail*

25. This is my biggest secret. You are not allowed to comment on anything associated with it, and you can only read if you are going to be objective.



Tagging: Everyone who reads this... again... because not even 25 people read it. I think 4 do. Maybe, possibly, 5. But that's still not many.

Subliminal Messager Extraordinaire

If you take a piece of something beautiful, and put it with all but a piece of something ugly, does the ugly become beautiful or does it remain as is? Does beauty have the strength to reign over ugly, no matter how much there is?
What if the ugly wants to beautiful, but has never had the courage, will it try?
I think it does. I think the ugly part will always copy the beautiful, until it ends up being beautiful, or until the beauty dies.
How does the beauty die? When it's original source of beauty is taken away; it fades, and when it is brought back, it shines. The ugly rejoices, and starts to reform... the ugly wants to feel true beauty.

________________________

It’s Wednesday afternoon.
This feels weird. I have the house to myself, again, it feels… timeless. Like nothing has changed, like words have been unwritten, and thoughts have been unvoiced, like memories have been unremembered.

And so I stare… waiting… with hope diminishing by the second… because everything has changed… and I’m the only one who can’t see it.

The clock still ticks, as more time passes, pulling me further and further from the past, but the past will wait for me, and next week I will rebegin my voyage back, I will be unsuccessful, I am sure, but I will keep trying... the past owes me, and I am coming to collect.

A happy kind of day

I'm starting to believe in miracles - soulcages

Today has been one of those veryy happyful days.
You know, where you have, like, a permanent smile on your face, and then, peoples tell you all their issues, and you have some weird way of being able to figure them out.

happy at last, for how long? – mylittlesecret

DNM with Corinne:

It's because you're a deeper person than she is. So when you see something,
you don't just take it for granted, you dig, until you remove someone's mask and
can see what they are. Whilst, with her, what you see is what you get, and if
people refuse to show their true selves her, she doesn't look for them. THAT's
why she doesn't understand.

Who knew I was full of suck wisdomosity? Hehe

"Wise" does not necessarily mean "experienced". - coulda.been.a.comet

Omgsh, funny moment from English:

Hancock: *trying to explain something to Tiana* You have to learn
Tiana: But sir, you can't teach... an old dog... new tricks? Is that the saying. I dunno, there's some thing that's like... yeah
Whole class: *Silence*
Sandy: You realise, you just called yourself a bitch!
Whole class: *cracks up laughing*

I deserve nothing that I have. – 1073

I KNOW! I'm starting to like my class. Which means I'm going to miss them next year. But I don't think I'll really miss anyone inparticular... just our general classyness, I mean like, we finally... work. How sad. Oh wells, I'll enjoy them for now :L

I'm still so smily!!
I swear, it's permanent. Everything is butterflies and rainbows.

You are my rose coloured glasses - Paige

OK, I'm actually bothering with doing my homework today (=O=O), so I should go and stick to that.
I'll see you under the moon ;)

At least it was very graceful

By now, you've probably all heard the news that I fainted yesterday in ag. Yes, I think it's pretty funny too.
But it was a graceful faint, have people been mentioning that? They said they would.
Anyways, people keep asking WHY I fainted so I figured, instead of repeating myself I can just say "read my blog"(Not that they will anyway, but it's worth a shot)

OK, so reasons I fainted
1. It was hot. Very hot, we were out on the farm, and it was very hot.
2. I haven't been esting well lately, and have a severe lack of protein, due to me not being able to eat fat. This makes me very dizzy.
3. I don't like water. I don't drink water. Waer is not nice. My body doesn't function verywell without it though, clearly.
4. People were preg-testing cows. And without going into details, this was really grossing me out.
5. I couldn't sit down, because I dind't wanna sit on cow poo. Sure, laugh all you want, I know I ended up falling into it.

Thankyou to Courtney and Corinne for saving my life. x) (Especially Courtney)

Anyways, I should go, because, well, I don't have time to be writing this, I should be getting ready for school...

Life is more simple in less words.

I just want to share some thoughts

And I thought, if I write them in memoirs, then, I can’t be held accountable for it, because it’s other peoples’ thoughts, not mine.
So yeah….
Here goes

Not photogenic. So I take pictures. – nepsamaiamaspen
Hate you? No, not even possible. – SkaterGirl
Holding hands and spining in circles. – coloredpencils
Thanks to you I have OCD. – CobbleStone
Trying very hard to not think. – randomperson
He's a pop-up in my brain. – couldabeenacomet
Why are my memoir's about him? – Anonymous.Secrets
Unhealthy obsession with comma's; need help. – writteninbraille
danced in the rain.got wet. – fuzzy-wuv
Not Cinderella, so no Prince Charming. – iamaspen
i do a lot of wishing – zyxa
Sometimes I wish you read these. – 1073
Throw rocks at my window, please? – couldabeenacomet
I'm not strong like the rest. – J600y


Now for my words, because no one quite gets it right (even though mine suck, you’ll read anyways :L):

If beauty is time, you're eternity.
Your name is my favourite melody.
Should take heart down from sleeve.
Why does it mean so much?
Smile! The stars are watching you!
I don't run anymore. I skip.
Let's over analyse our lives together.
Finally letting people see my soul.
Permanent smile from thinking of him.
Never wanted to be "normal" anyway...
Mum, I'm not here for you.
Smithteens. Feeling a lot like home.
You inspire me to be incredible.
I should just stop counting days... (291!!!)
Don't try to contol my life.
Resolution: Smile everyday for no reason.
In my dreams we dance together.
The stars sang as tears fell.
Rewriting my life. Including fairytale ending.
Teen romance now owes me one.
With courage, I'd run away tomorrow.
He's no vampire, just unbelievably beautiful.
Always been too preoccupied to smile.
Still wish on every first star.
Happiness: Paper, pen, cup of coffee.
My notebook is full of memoirs.
The wind sings me his song.
What if i ran? Far away.
Dare I use the word 'happy'?
Fell asleep at 11:12, day: complete.
Please come visit me in hell?

Oh, and here is some fabbity fab (Only May Lyn will get that, dammit) news:

Couldabeenacomet’s middle name is… (drum roll) RAE!!! How cool!! I knew there was an advantage to having a kath-and-kim-worthy name.


Oh yeah, and I was gonna link you guys to my thingamabobby now that it's all over and done with, but, on second thoughts, that's a very bad idea :L.

Is conversationable I word? Didn't think so.

You are the indefinable. You are the definition. You are the conversationable; you , too, the conversation. You are the soon-to-be. You are the dream maker, the dream follower. You are the dream. You are the messenger, you are the message. You are the irony, you are the nightmare. You are the voice in my head. You are the first place my eyes look. You are the sunshine, you are the laughable. You are the annoyance, you are the shock. You are the exception to the unnecessary rule. You are the unnecessary. You are the coincidence, you are the mistake. You are the awkward silence, the awkward glance, the awkward comment.

You are the me. But you are the difference. You are the hope. But, the possible hope. You are the complication. But you create the resolution. You are the reason that I noticed that I’m just being stupid and stubborn, and lazy, and weak.

And we’ve never had more than a ten minute conversation.

You, the useless.


Lol, I think I made up some of those words. But they make sense in my head.

Hehe, don’t think about this too much or your heads will hurt, and no, you don’t know the person this is about. :L

But it's not important either, really, because I'm still gonna be stupid and stubborn and lazy and weak. Oh wells, I'll see you under the moon.