Finally, finally, finally, I'm back.

one - Have you ever felt beautiful? And I mean really beautiful, not just "I think I'm good looking", but more "I think I'm a good person and I love myself". Because I think you are all beautiful.
TWO - I want to be strong enough to smile, but part of me likes being weak enough to have an excuse not to.
three - People kept saying to me today "there will be other ANZAC days". The thing I never had the courage to say was "Yes, but how many more will he be alive for?". Maybe it would have shut some people up... but I don't want to think like that. Ever.
four - Don't kill me. Hurt me as much as you want, but, please, learn when you're crossing the line.

What a week.

What a BAD week, mainly, but also, just in gereal, what a week.

And I would tell you guys all about it, but I don't have the time/patience. So, I'll just say, what a week.

It went very slowly, and I missed my blog A LOT! I missed other people's blogs too, and reading other people's thoughts, I missed smithteens. I think I missed smithteens the most.
I missed having somewhere I can talk about happy stuff. Because that's what this blog is, now. It's happy. All these sad thoughts within me are ignored, so I can blog the happy stuff, and make myself feel happy.

I'm sorta glad I took a week off though. I mean, like I said, it wasn't a very good week, and I'm not sure I would have wanted people to know what I was thinking. Also, I did HEAPS of hw/studying. I am soo proud of myself! I've written IPT/Maths notes for the year, almost caught up on all the work I missed, and gone through and taught myself everything that my teachers are too incompetent to teach me.

And I've cried. About everything else, I've cried a lot. Which makes me feel freer. (Is that a word?)

I'm still not quite back to normal. Or at least, normal for myself. But I think I'm climbing again. Saturday was the low point, and it's all up from here. So I have hope. Because, well, things won't always be this way.

And, although I've lost my teddy, I still have my ewok (another reason why I will have to marry a star wars fan), and he hugs me too =)

So farewell, I shall blog again... eventually (maybe not tomorrow...)
I'll see you under the moon!




Conversations with my thirteen year old self

You're angry
I know this
The world couldn't care less
You're lonely
I feel this
And you wish you were the best

No teachers
Or guidance
And you always walk alone
You're crying
At night when
Nobody else is home

Come over here and let me hold your hand and hug you darling
I promise you that it won't always feel this bad
There are so many things I want to say to you
You're the girl I used to be
You little heartbroken thirteen year old me

You're laughing
But you're hiding
God I know that trick too well
You forget
That I've been you
And now I'm just the shell
I promise
I love you and
Everything will work out fine
Don't try to
Grow up yet
Oh just give it some time

The pain you feel is real you're not asleep but it's a nightmare
But you can wake up anytime
Oh don't lose your passion or the fighter that's inside of you
You're the girl I used to be
The pissed off complicated thirteen year old me

Conversations with my thirteen year old self
Conversations with my thirteen year old self

Until we meet again
Oh I wish you well oh
I wish you wellLittle girl
Until we meet again
Oh I wish you well
Little girl
I wish you well
Until we meet again
My little thirteen year old me