Sorry.

I guess we all knew this was coming. It's my addiction. I just love writing these blogs.
Put up with it?

I wish you knew my thoughts. Even the ones I’m too embarrassed to tell you. I wish you knew that I was yours. I wish you knew that I compare everyone to you, and they all fall short. I wish you knew that I think about you all the time. Even at inappropriate times. I wish you knew that, whatever I’m doing, I always picture how different it would be if you were by my side (and it ALWAYS improves). I wish you knew that I want to spend my life with you by my side. I wish you knew how much I do things you do, and how much it makes me smile. I wish you knew how in love with you I am.

Sometimes I scare even myself. These thoughts make my mind swirl. Every word that means something different to me. Every hidden meaning, behind every alternate reality. And everytime something makes no sense, it always does to me.

If I trust in you, would you let me down?

Would you laugh at me, if I said I care for you?

Could you feel the same way too?

I wanna know..

Now I am here, talking to you

No wonder I get excited

Your smile, and the sound of your voice

And the way you see through me

Got a feeling, you give me no choice

But it means a lot to me

“What’s wrong?” They ask, as if they have no idea. “What’s always wrong?” I reply. Their faces don’t change, nothing changes, nothing will ever change. “Stop dwelling” as if solutions were so simple. “Distract me” I say. Of all the games we play, this is my favourite. The search for distractions. My favourite part is when they say something that reminds me of you, and they don’t realise. “Thank you” I say, as if their distracting worked, and I smile like Mona Lisa until the day’s end.

I want my fairytale
Just one second of it
One hug, or one touch
One chance to say ‘I love you’ in person
I want one opportunity to see your face
Or hear your voice
Or smell your scent
I want one opportunity
For me to give up on these stupid daydreams
Because there’s nothing left to be up all night imagining
Because it’s all real

Finally.

One of these days,
I’m gonna tell him I dream of him ever night
One of these days,
I’m gonna show him I care

Gonna teach him a lesson alright

You know, I search. Trying to figure out what I want. Of course, my subconscious is wiling to provide several scenarios that I “want”, but none of these seem to quite satisfy the question burning on the tip of my mind.

Maybe after all these useless words, we’ll figure out that nothing’s changed. That we can talk as much as we want, and nothing will ever make a difference. What then? Maybe these are just words, maybe that’s all they’ll ever be.

And if it’s alright I’ll still be loving you
Cuz I can’t break it to my heart
You still don’t have the answers
But if I still believe you love me,
Maybe I’ll survive,

So I tell myself you’re coming home

Some birds are not meant to be caged, that's all. Their feathers are too bright, their songs too sweet and wild. So you let them go, or when you open the cage to feed them, they somehow fly out past you. And the part of you that knows it was wrong to imprison them in the first place, but still, the place which you live is that much more drab and empty for their departure.

Or hug me. Because, I mean, sure, I have my issues, but if you really get to know me, you'll realise that I'm just lonely. That I just need a friend, I just need one really long hug and then maybe I'll be okay. So hug me, or talk to me, or listen to me when I'm going nuts and have only one thing I want to talk about. I need someone to listen sometimes. And other times, I need someone to care.

Smiling faces I can see

But not for me

I sit and watch

As tears go by

My riches cant buy everything

I want to hear the children sing

All I hear is the sound

Of rain falling on the ground

I sit and watch

As tears go by

Love is when they tell you what song they’re listening to, and your heart stops. Because this is the song you play on loop every night. Crying. Thinking of them.

Love is imagining them by your side, every second of every day.

Love is when everything you think, say or write, can be interpreted in such a way that it has a special meaning for them.

Love is hugging your pillow.

Love is staying up until midnight on Monday to Thursday.

Love is wishing on 11:11.

Love is waking up unhappy because the dream’s over.

Love is having only one thing you want to talk about. Always.

Love is you.

People say ‘follow your heart’, but I can’t. My brain very well knows that what my heart wants is irrational. And still, my brain momentarily stops functioning everytime I think of you. I think it is those moments that my brain knows my heart will win. It can’t argue with that, so it pretends to not be paying attention.

The sight of you will prove to me I’m still alive
And when you take me in your arms
And hold me tight

I know it’s gonna mean so much

I’m not sure you even know what it feels like.
To wake up every morning exhilarated
Before you realise that it was a dream, not reality
To wake up every morning hopeful
Could this be the day?
And to wake up every morning saddened…

Maybe tomorrow.

And you are the only one I dream of every night.

The only one I miss everyday.

You are my everything.

I think you're so mean

I think we should try

I think I could need

This in my life

I think I'm just scared

I think too much

I know this is wrong

It's a problem I'm dealing

And I just wanted you to know that I miss you.

And it feels like you're too far away, everytime I want to talk to you

I want you to know that I want you.

You were my best friend. And I told you everything. I still want my best friend.

And I want you to know that I need you.

That part of me is dying, because it has to live without you.

I want you to know that I love you.

And you think you understand that, but in all honesty, you couldn't even comprehend.