Fall.

"I had to burn my diary because I realized that things were worse than I remembered. I never want to read it again."

Not too long ago, I started thumbing through my old diary.
I started it when I was 7/8, and kept it pretty consistently (wrote every few weeks) until year 8. (I started running out of space and didn't want to finish it unworthily[it's a word if I want it to be]).

Reading through that diary, I realise how depressed I was as a kid. I mean, each page contemplating... you know what, let's not think about that.

The point is that every now and then, I swing back into that mood. I take a really big leap, and it doesn't pay off, and I start falling. Rock bottom isn't all that an uncommon place for me.

My life works in waves. It goes up and down, and up and down. Happy and sad, happy and sad. The last time everything was sad, I didn't really tell my blog. I think that was probably bad for me, because I didn't face up to it. But it was also better for me because I made myself focus on the positives in everything. I'll tell you next time though.

At the moment, the waves occur very quickly. Home is very negative, school/blog is very positive. But it's evening out... or at least everything is becoming more positive :L.

I realised today that I do my own thing now. I don't just take things for what they are, I challenge everything, I ask too many questions, and I figure out what I want to do, not what everyone else wants me to do. It's a nice change...

You know what Corinne said to me today whilst we were DNMing?? (Hello Corinne)
She said "When I'm having a bad day, I like to talk to you, you make me happier"
Yes, that made my day yesterday :L

That, and, butterflies and rainbows (cough).

Anyways! LAST time I wrote these lyrics on my blog (all the way back on April 6th), they had a special purpose. Today, I was looking over my blog... and I read them and realised that a lot of what they were used for then applies to what I wanted todays song for.
But, it's been used before, so you only get a snippet.
(I've been listening to the first two lines on loop for about 20 minutes now. le sigh.)

You look so beautiful today...
When you're sitting there it's hard for me to look away...
So I try to find the words that I could say
I know distance doesn't matter, but you feel so far away
And I can't lie
Everytime I leave my heart turns grey...

-----

OK, this is today's song...
i actually can't find it on youtube =S

it's called 'my little angel' and it's by 'william shakespeare' (real name john cave). it was released in november 1974, but hit the number one spot in early 1975. it was written by harry vanda and george young (guitarists from easybeats) (i dont know why im telling you so much about this song). anyways, here are the beautiful lyrics :L

Spoken:
It was on a cold December afternoon
Doesn't seem like that long ago
I was sitting on my feet by my old fireplace
When in walked my little girl home from school
And I could see that something was wrong
By the tears that were rolling down her face

Sung:
And she said "Daddy, Daddy, at school today
Somebody told me a lie!"
And after hearing what she had heard
I told her not to cry - it hurt to see her cry

Because she's my, my little angel
My little angel, my little angel when she smi-i-i-iles
Oh yes she's my, my little angel
And I don't ever want to see her cry-y

Spoken:
What she heard was that angels didn't really exist
That they were just a part of fables, fairytales, any ol' how
"Of course there are angels" I said
Everybody has an angel that takes care of them
In fact, I know there's a real live angel right now

Sung:
And she said "Daddy, Daddy, please tell me where
And tell me how do you know"
I said "easy, now if you listen close it's not too far too go,
and this is how i know

Because you're my, my little angel
My little angel, my little angel when you smi-i-i-ile
Oh yes you're my, my little angel
My little angel, and I don't ever want to see you cry-y"

Now I miss her dearly, since she left that day
But I know she is near me every hour, every day
Because she's... because she's my, my little angel
My little angel, my little angel, yes she's mi-i-i-ine

Ahh, she's so fine, my little angel, my little angel
And I know that she's with me all the time
With me all the time, my little angel
My little angel, my little angel

-----

I always cry when I hear that song, at the part where he tells her she's his angel, and the part where she leaves him.
Yeah, the lyrics DO actually mean something, and the song is REALLY good, except it apparently doesn't exist =S (I didn't know there were songs not on limewire...)