Love/hate relationship with humanity

I think I've broken my body clock.
You see, I keep staying up until like 2 or 3 am, and then I sleep in for forever.
It's the weird combination of school holidays and daylight saving.
And it means that I end up having lunch at like 4 or 5, which is so ridiculous :L.

So, anyways, today has been a largely uneventful day. In fact, I'm having a rather uneventful week. But I did one of the speeches from the yellow book of torture, which is really productive, given my track record this holidays. And I helped Dad take stuff to the tip in the only car we have with a towbar, which also happens to be the only car we have where the driver's door doesn't open. So yeah, it was really funny. And I rewatched the game from yesterday (moments like this only come around every 31 years, you know).

I know I've been blogging a lot lately (I'm sorry you can't handle it Corinne =L), but that's just because I seriously have an infinite amount of spare time, and I miss blogging, I used to really enjoy it. So yeah, here I am, spiling my guts to about 2 people :L. Actually, more people read this than I actually thought, it might even be 5 people =O!

Interesting fact: The most blogs I've posted in one month this year is 15, which is like, the minimum of last year. Which means, basically, that I'm not blogging enough lately which is so very diappointing (especially for you, I'm sure).

Oh, and my sister and I are probably going to go and see Tim Minchin at the Sydney Opera House next March (he has concerts on 24th, 25th and 26th), so if you want to come (and you're not going to university in another state next year), let me know :L.

And JUST IN CASE I haven't linked you to enough videos of his over the past, however long I've loved him, GO AND WATCH Some People Have It Worse Than I (if you don't mind swearing :L) or Prejudice

Lyrics from Some people have it worse than I:

At 11:53 I instigate the day’s ablutions in the hope my constitution can be altered by some action on the bowl
But the total non-existence of colonic animation seems to me the perfect metaphor for the utter constipation of my soul
By 11:59 I have decided that my life would be immediately improved by a carefully written list of short-term goals
But by 12.05 my list consists of 1-dot put some pants on, 2-dot go to the shop, buy some prunes and Panadol

Lyrics from Prejudice:

And you know my kids will always be clothed and fed
'Cause Papa's gonna be bringing home the gingerbread
And they'll be pretty smart because they'll be well-read
And by "read" I mean "read" and the other kind of "red"
It's a homophone!!

Oh yeah, and some bastard stole one of my L plates, and some other bastard backed into my car (when it was parked at Dad's work, totally not my fault) and smashed the blinker (although it still works, it's not orange anymore). So yeah, I hate people. =S

OMG! AMY'S BACK!

Confession #55: However immature, and worthless it was; it existed. And I can't just forget that.

"I feel like shit. But at least I feel something"

"I over analyze. Therefore, I am." – small.still on a search

All you need is love.
And blogs.
And as I have been offline (=O) for a few weeks, I have had a few blogs to catch up on.
And I thought I'd share the beauty of some of them with you.

STORM by "Happiness isn't lost...... just misplaced"
( Teaser: "Love is what a rainbow sounds like, when it refuses to fear the storm.") (This blog is beautiful guys you HAVE to go read!!)

THE PLACE WHERE YOU GET OFF by "I Wrote This For You"
(Teaser: "You think she's insane. Until, one day, you notice that she's taking pictures of the license plates of the cars her child gets into.")

SLEEP by Happiness isn't lost...... just misplaced"
(Teaser: " You say you're "tired of it all." Yet, you drag yourself through life like a zombie...repeating the same dance, day after day.") (Ah, but at the end of the day, there are parts of the dance that make it worth it, aren't there?)

I'LL WATCH THE SUNRISE WITH YOU by "Confessions of a Candyhol!c"
(Teaser: "Piglet: "How do you spell love? Pooh: "You don't spell it, you feel it."")

ON BSG, MICHAEL BOLTON & A LITTLE TEAM CALLED THE COLTS by "It's like I'm... mmmagic!"
(Teaser: "I took this week off from blogging. I’m pretty sure the responsible thing to do is to let people know you are taking time off, rather than drop off the blogging universe") (Sound like me, anyone?)

TELL ME I'M NORMAL by "It's like I'm... mmmagic!"
(Teaser: "When I go to Starbucks, I become irrationally worried that I’m going to forget my order. I will spend the entire time stuck in the drive thru saying my order on repeat. But attempting to say it casually as well, so I don’t come off as a robot.") (Yes, Brandy, you're totally normal!)

Her man is one I admire
He's so courageous but he's constantly tired
Each time when he speaks his mind
She pats his head and says, "That's all very fine
Exert that will of your own
When you're alone
Now we'd better hurry"
And with no trace of hesitation she keeps going

Head over heels
Breaking her way
Pushing through unknown jungles every day
She's a girl with a taste for the world

"Remember when you were a kid and your biggest worry was, like, if you'd get a bike for your birthday or if you'd get to eat cookies for breakfast? Being an adult? Totally overrated. I mean seriously, don't be fooled by all the hot shoes and the great sex and the no parents anywhere telling you what to do. Adulthood is responsibility. Responsibility, it really does suck. Really, really sucks. Adults have to be places and do things and earn a living and pay the rent. And if you're training to be a surgeon, holding a human heart in your hands, hello? Talk about responsibility. Kind of makes bikes and cookies look really, really good, doesn't it? The scariest part about responsibility? When you screw up and let it slip right through your fingers.

...Responsibility, it really does suck. Unfortunately, once you get past the age of braces and training bras, responsibility doesn't go away. It can't be avoided. Either someone makes us face it or we suffer the consequences. And still adulthood has it perks. I mean the shoes, the sex, the no parents anywhere telling you what to do. That's, pretty damn good."

Maybe if I just continue to steal blog material from other sources, I'll never have to think for myself. And I'll never have to talk about how I feel; admit to myself everything that's wrong.

I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm currently happier than ever in my life before; I'm just a whinger (wow, and a big fan of semi-colons today). So I, naturally, find things to whinge about. Well, the voice in my head likes to tell me everything that's not good about me and my life, and remind me of stupid things I really don't need reminding of.

Life is a little sunshine and lollipops at the moment. Which is pretty fantabulous. Except, well, little things that I can't really mention. Things that are pretty stupid because I mean like, honestly, it was pretty obvious, wasn't it? And there used to a day when you'd actually notice that sort of stuff but I guess that day has just passed for you.

Not that I'm bitching.... or anything... <>

Not too long ago, on smithteens, we made a list of 100 reasons to smile, which sorta turned into 369 reasons to smile. So now, I'm just going to share a few of them with you. Just in case you need to smile.

13. Drawing something and having it turn out well
55. Air guitar in your underwear when everyone's asleep.
75. Jumping into the ocean with your clothes on
99. Hitting the button to cross the walk multiple times
111. When your hair decides not to do some funky thing.
122. Offering the police some donuts
137. When you suddenly look nice one morning and you have no idea why.
181. Lightsabers
200. Geeky pickup lines
217. When your friends notice something’s wrong
228. Listening to a song that speaks to your soul
279. The perfect pair of jeans
323. Stickers
357. Guys who do really girly things
367. Realizing you never completely gave up on yourself.

So, yeah, I've only been writing for 2 hours, haha. I'm gonna publish this.
Smile.
Ebony loves you!

My softer world

Confession #32: I hate when I upset you. I wasn't crying because you're an arsehole. I was crying because I made you feel like one. I love you.

"It's not a stoplight. It's a pause for peace."

"Just walk up and surprise me" - i(----)you


Caption: In the caves behind my house I found a softer world.
They understand what I had to do for love.
they don't believe in restraining orders.
Welcome to a softer world.
This picture is titled "What I did for love"
It is one of the cartoons that keep me going.
For the past few years, I've been holding onto these. My survival guide.
In so many ways.
These are my lifeline.
And this is my tribute.

Caption: "Hello! This is an email from a stranger who thinks you're just great!
Also, I respect a woman who organises her fridge so well.
Please don't scream when you turn around?"
Title: A stranger's just a friend you haven't met yet

Caption: I want the woman who yells at the potted plants at the library.
Yes, she's clearly troubled, but she's not helpless.
She doesn't take any shit from vegetables, for instance.
Title: Actually, maybe I want to BE her

Caption: I never wanted anything to happen to my parents
but a hero needs an origin story.

Title: And I'm not even sure gamma radiation would do anything

Caption: I can switch at will between being a man or a woman.
It's not my problem if you get weirded out
because my body stays the same.
Title: Any sufficiently complex system is hackable

Caption: I couldn't see through the blood and tears
I kept saying "Is that all you got?" even after they ran off
"Maybe your mom could come down and help?
Title: Ask her not to wear those army boots though

Caption: I'm gonna close my eyes and spin
And the first person I see is my soulmate
OK, class?
Title: But this doesn't mean an easy A

Caption: Some people collect stamps
I break into priests' hpises
and steal their dirty shorts for my vending machines
Title: I also collect stamps

Caption: I hire a prostitute to play tag and hide and go seek
she thinks it's weird repressed sex stuff
I just miss having friends who are girls
Title: I don't mind paying. It's worth it.

Caption: I've started a terrorist cell
We're going to do away with dating services
We're going to burn down Weight Watchers
Title: I used to want to wear plant bombs the night of the prom.

Caption: Police are saying the sniper's victims appear to have nothing in common.

Well, they do now!
Title: I was a terrible news anchor

Caption: I spend my lunch hours surrounded by people who apologiser for every tough
So today I hugged a stranger
and a thousand lonely people rioted
Title: I couldn't stop smiling in the back of the police car

Caption" My mum's buried out in these woods
She wanted her ashes scattered at sea, but it's like she always said
"No"
Title: It just wasn't reasonable

Caption: The sappy music comes up and I wipe the tears from her face
and into a heart-shaped vial
Tears make the best lube
Title: Not... not that we need it

Caption: The world isn't going to end just because we've done everything wrong.

Though, that would be easier.
Title: Oh fuck, we're doomed! Quick! To the movie theatre!

Caption: Thionking about the infinity of space makes me insane
I never want my kids to feel this small
So yeah, I let them eat whatever
Title: Priorities

Caption: Sometimes, I wish I could take back all my mistakes
but then I think
what if my mother could take back hers?
Title: She told me I was the best mistake she ever made

Caption: I told everyone I built my robot wife for sex
but late at night when we're alone
we mostly play battleship
Title: She's never too tired

Caption: The robot replacement wife laughs at all my jokes
Which was nice at first

Title: But even battleship gets old after 15 years

Caption: The sleepover is an integral part of a young girl's social like.
My firends are here to talk about boys. and laugh.
I'm here because my mother locked me out again.
Title: Smiling fights the lonely moster

Caption: Normal people don't steal dirty panties to feel close to someone

Is that what you're saying?
Title: Tell me another one

Caption: Halfway down she remembered
that Golden Girls was out on DVD
which could have gone in the CONS column
Title: Thankyou for being a friend

Caption: It was a plague nobody expected
pubert again, instead of death
cracking voices, and new bodies we can't understand
Title: The ravages of puberty leave nobody unscathed

Caption: My gramma has this joke where she says "Knock knock"
I say "who's there?"
she says "I can't remember" and starts to cry
Title: This is what frustrates me

Caption: I called my therapist yesterday, in a panic
I said "what if the sky falls again?"
And she said "Well, what if you fall in love?"
Title: True dreams

Caption: As a child, I killed animals
Not for any rish but because they seemed so sad
and I didn't know what else to do
Title: What would they do with their freedom?

Caption: The fall left him with brain damage and two long scars.
We tease him. "Oh him? He fell out of the ugly tree."
He looks most like our brother when he laughs
Title: We miss you

Caption: I was going to figure out the postage
and send you my heart
for Christmas.
But my friends talked me out of it.
They said "why would you send her something broken?"

Title: We've been good but we can't last

Happy Beginnings (post 300)

"I want to make you fall in love with me everyday"
I fell in love with you again today. A fair few times, actually.

You know those days you have that are so happy, they sort of make you sad. Because you know that no matter what you do, nothing will ever be the same again. And nothing else can ever be this good. Yeah, today was one of those days. I feel sorta sad now.
Sad in a sentimental way. It's a nice sad.

And we really do make for a perfect lifestyle.
Fall in love with me again?

Ebony's Life Is Average.

First, there was FML.
Next, there was GMH.
Now, there is MLIA.
(If I'm a little slow on realising this, please don't tell me, I'll get sad)

Anyway, getting back to MLIA, it is very cool.
Well, it's funny.
And I laugh.
But then again, I'm lame.
Really lame.

When did this become about my lameness??
Moving on.

My Life Is Average. (If you are too lazy to click it, read some of these, and laugh, and then you'll want to click it. Or you won't be lame like me. And will stop yourself from clicking it. And never read my blog again. Your choice.)

Today, I went to Panda Express for lunch. The fortune cookie said "If you don't get your work done, blame it on the computer." Later that night, I didn't get my work done. I blamed it on the computer. It was a clever cookie. MLIA.

Today, I was sitting on the bus and this woman came in and looked at both me and the girl across from me and chose to sit beside me. I felt like I had won a secret competition. MLIA.

Today, my mom bought neon bandaids. I am more inclined to get hurt. MLIA.

Today, I noticed I had a small hole in the shirt I was wearing. It was old so I decided to rip open my shirt the way the Hulk does when he starts to transform. I'm 17, it was the most fun I've had all week. MLIA.

Today, while lying on the couch, I was watching a show that was basically mocking couch potatoes the whole time. So I moved onto the floor, and felt better about myself. MLIA.

Today, I noticed that a lot of people had facebook statuses about parties this weekend. I felt left out, so I changed my status to "party tonight!" and made my Sim throw a party. They'll never know. MLIA.

Today I went downstairs to turn the TV off, but my dog was watching it. So I just turned the volume down. MLIA.

Today there was an ant on my computer so I decided to change my cursor to an ant as well. I acted like a tough guy and had a great time bullying the real ant with my fake one. I think he knows who's boss now. MLIA.

Today, I noticed that the cereal I've been eating for the last two weeks is gluten free. I'm not really sure what gluten is, but I feel healthier. MLIA.

Today I was playing Baseball on the Wii. Then I looked out the window and saw my neighbour playing Baseball. I feel more technologically advanced than he is. MLIA.

Today I was using a public restroom and there was a sigb behind the toilet that said "don't flush with foot. $250 fine" I still flushed with my foot and received no fine. I felt like a bad ass. MLIA.

Today I became increasingly worried that my Sim was wasting her life by pining away for a married man and breaking up his marriage. Then I realised I had been playing six hours and had to admit who was really wasting their life. MLIA.

Today, I accidentally bought men's deoderant. A few hours later, I got a whiff and was attracted to myself. MLIA.

Today, I went to fetch some ice cream from the freezer. When I opened the container, I found that I had left a spoon in there. I thanked the me from the past for considering my future self. MLIA.

Sundayness.

Because I'm lame and lonely (in that order), I'm going to tell you about my day.

I washed my dog today. In my shower.
Yeah, I'm not even kidding.
I then had to wash my shower.
But, it's too cold to just hose him (which is what we normally do) (again, not even kidding)
So yeah, now hes clean, pretty smelling, and fluffy.

We only convinced him to get in the shower by telling him that all the girl doggies will love him now :L. Which is true.

Then I walked up to the shops with Dad, Nikki and Toffee (smelling all clean). And we bought a salad and some vegies. And that was our lunch. No kidding. I actually like healthy food. Really.

I backed up my computer onto my Mum's external harddrive. Which took 6 hours, 45 minutes, and 36 seconds (or so). And made everything else I've done all day on my computer go really slowly.

I kicked my sister's arse at SingStar. Because, well, I am awesome. (Ok, so she beat me once. But we sung about 30 songs. So that's still arse kicking). By the end of it, our voices were totally screwed. Really. I couldn't even talk (shock horror!!!)

I blogged. (I'm going back in time a bit now) It took over 2 hours. But I had breakfast inamongst that. And, well, let's face it, nothing else to do. (Oh yes, life is simply tragic).

And I read other peoples' blogs, and caught up on memoirs.
Speaking of which, today is couldabeenacomet's birthday!!!
(I'm sure I've told you guys enough about her)
She's 18. Woot!

And now I'm going to my grandmother's house for dinner. Because it is my mum's birthday on Friday, and this is our only available opportunity to see them.

So yes. Yay for Sundayness. And noo for not working, (because we all love time and a half). (speaking of sundayness, check out postsecret)

(Clearly, boredom has hit an all time high [although I have a speech and ag assingment to do {not that I can do it until CORINNE picks a topic}])

Wish you were here,

Operation: Beautiful.

Because you guys totally love (or are getting sick of) me introducing you to new websites, I'm doing it again!
Today's website: Operation Beautiful
Their mission: To encourage positive body image. "Change the way you see, not the way you look"
I found it through GMH =) and I've started postiting random comments everywhere, it's so much fun!!
So yeah. My first victim was my sister. I put a postit on her mirror saying "SMILE! You are beautiful" It made me smile just putting it there. And yeah...
Go to the website, and just look through it, and start making people feel as beautiful as they are.

Oh yeah, and I showed my sister the website, and she said "How'd you find this?" I said "Through GMH" She said "What's GMH?" I hit my head (hard) and went over to my computer to google it. Then she said "What's Givoogle?" Honestly. Some people are so uneducated, I tell you.

In other news, I finished my smithteens video, for the memoir "I can be my own superhero" and then when I saved it it turned fuzzy and green, so I'm gonna go have a cry about that.
Wish you were here!

Welcome to Square one.

Hello sunshines,

I need help. Not mental help. (Don't argue that, I'm NOT a weirdo)
I need YOUR help choosing my favouritistymo memoir.
Because I want to make a sorta video about it. A video promoting our book. Our book that is coming out on September 1st (!!).
Anyways. Yes. Favourite Memoir. I have a shortlist!

And here it is:

Deteriorating differences between right and wrong.
My hand has holes for yours.
Smiling at random people without reason.
Finding my place, my voice, myself.
You're my angel with broken wings.
Flying away on their whispered words.
I smiled, and was finally beautiful.

Genuine smiles in an artificial world.
Square one is getting awfully familiar.
Put away your umbrella and dance.
Lost teddy. Now I hug air.
You are everything. Everything is you.
I've never seen you without wings.
Planted hope. Forgot to water it.
If beauty is time, you're eternity.
Permanent smile from thinking of him.
Never wanted to be "normal" anyway...
Who says 'fat' can't be beautiful?
Resolution: Smile everyday for no reason.
In my dreams we dance together.
Rewriting my life. Including fairytale ending.
He saw something nobody else did.
Girl overlooked got her fairytale ending.
Sometimes, life sucks. I'll smile anyway.
Following my heart. Ignoring the rules.
You're dying. I'm not ready yet.
I see beauty in everything ugly.
I can be my own superhero.

Please write me a shortlist of your favourite 5-10. I will put all my little lists together to pick my fave :L
The current faves are: Planted hope. Forgot to water it. and I can be my own superhero.


HELP ME! HELP ME!
Thankyou sunshines.

Can't sing it without you

one - it's funny how stuff like that happens, isn't it? i hate the imbalance...
TWO - I DON'T BELIEVE FOR A SECOND THAT IT WAS COINCEDENCE. IF ONLY YOU HAD BEEN HERE...
three - maybe it's just a little bit too much for right now.
four - you don't know what you're doing, do you?

Hello, my name is Ebony, and I have been awake since 6:30. Why, you ask? I HAVE NO BLOODY IDEA! Although, Prad pulled an all nighter. So I'm not going to be totally ungrateful. (OK, so I am...)

Yesterday, I went shopping with my Mummy. We bonded <33!! I bought clothes =S But I DO need clothes, so I guess it was okay. I also bought some dragons socks!! =D (I am NOT a football fan). And I agreed to let her curl my hair for the social =S. But she was begging :L. Anyways, peoples, GO TO THE SOCIAL!!! Yes, I'm looking at you *stares*.

And I have totally been blogging heaps lately =D. I mean, comparitively. OK, so I've been slacking off for a little while... but but, I'm on MSN nowadays! And it's not like you guys wanna talk to me anyway. I was online for TWO AND A HALF HOURS yesterday before someone talked to me other than about the stupid English assignment. Which I have finished =D. Execpt my justification is 11 words over =S (shhhhh)

And and drama! We have a few minor (HUGE!) issues. Especially since we're supposed to know it by Tuesday... *cough*. But but my journal totally has 5 pages ALREADY. So you SLACKOS start writing!!

Hum. Ooooh, I ripped my very very favouritest seventies CD to my computer yesterday =DDDD (okay, so my sister did it for me. :)) and it is soooo good!! And it has My Little Angel on it!!! And I Don't Like Mondays. And American Pie. And Hooked On A Feeling. And those are the only songs you guys will know. And today I shall introduce you guys to ANOTHER classic seventies song which no one bloody knows. Have we all heard of John Paul Young?? (pretend!) Yay! Here is my favourite song by him! I Hate The Music. (youtube link! watch it watch it!!!)

I hate the music - the people say I sing my song so well
I just can't sing it without you, ooh-ooh-hooh
I hate the music - 'cause every time I hear that melody
It just reminds me of the - way we lived together
The way we used to be, the day that life was better
Back in the days you were with me-ee

Now on the day that I met you, the day you happened alo-ong
Remember me up there on stage, singin' it wrong
I saw you lookin' toward me, and right away I could tell
Made up my mind to go all out, and started singin' it we-ell
You could tell

I hate the music - the people say I sing my song in tune
I just can't sing it without you, ooh-ooh-hooh
I hate the music - 'cause everytime I hear that meldot
It just reminds of the - way we lived together
The way we used to be, the day when life was better
Back in the days you were with me-ee

Now music brought us together, and music tore us apart
And day and night the song goes on, breakin' my heart
Ooh, On the radio in the mornin' and on the TV ev'ry night
I tell you girl it's so damned hard
To get to sleep at ni-ight - Every night

I hate the music, I hate the music...

I hate the music - the people say I sing my songs okay
(Hey-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey - yeah)
I just can't sing it without you, ooh you know that it's true-ue
I hate the music - 'cause every time I hear that same old tune, can't sing it
I just can't sing it without you, ooh you know that it's true-ue

I hate the music - and everytime I hear that melody, yeah
(Hey-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey - yeah)
I just can't sing it without you, oh you know that it's true-ue
I hate the music Hey-hey-hey
I hate the music Hey-hey-hey
I hate the music Hey-hey-hey
I hate the music Hey-hey
I hate the music Hey-hey

Gives Me Hope

one - you don't realise that that's where i was too. and it's stronger than you think
TWO - JUST BECAUSE WE CAN DEAL WITH IT DOESN'T MEAN IT WAS EVER OKAY.
three - i'm trying for you, you know? i did try for you. it was all for you.
four - people think i'm silly when i tell them. maybe i am silly. but it's the right thing for me.

Do we all remember Back In The Day when I used to blog all the time? Like, everyday. Multiple times. Very very long. Don't we all miss that day?

Anyways. Today, I am introducing you to ANOTHER website. Oh goodie, another brilliant waste of time! Actually, this one is so so awesome. We all know FML, right? Sure, we all read, we all laugh, we're all glad our lives aren't that screwed up.

But there is a BETTER website. Because, well, to be perfectly honest, it gives me hope. The website is givesmehope.com and at the moment, it's still relatively short. What with only 5 pages. But it is soo inspirational. GMH. =)

...Ok, well, I have maths homework to do. And that stupid English assigment. That I think I'm doing wrong. Point being: I'm procrastinating. So I'll blog again later. Ciao!

Wish you were here =)

One-way ticket

one - the randomest part wasn't the bananas or the tent pegs...
TWO - I HAVE SOMETHIGN TO TELL YOU BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW
three - it already feels nice to think about...
four - i still miss you

I have this feeling that everyone secretly resents me
I think it's because I've recently found my inner resentment for everyone else.
That sounds bitchy, I'll explain

I'm very one-sided.
I am capable of giving a lot more than I can receive
So I give a lot, and people get sick of taking it because I'm being annoying (or being Ebony, as I like to phrase it)
So then they push me away, if only for a second
And I take everything back and hate them for it.

Damn, I explained this a lot better yesterday.

Vanessa and I were very bored at work yesterday, so we started making a list of "5 Guys I'd Like To Be In An Elevator With". We came up with many more than 5. So we decided it would be a boat. And we would cruise the world. But this means we have to bring "5 Guys I'd Like To Have At My Dinner Table" into it, because of the whole being on a cruise and having a conversation thing.
Here is a very slight snippet of the population of our boat:

Tyson Ritter
Mark Harmon (<33)
George Clooney
Harisson Ford
House
Colin Firth
Matthew McConaughey
Jean-Luc Picard
Antonio Banderas
Brad Pitt
JFK Junior
Harm Rabb (JAG)
Jared Padelecki
Milo Ventimiglia
Johnny Depp
Orlando Bloom
Dick Van Dyke

Cory's eyes are like a jungle, he smile's it's like the radio
He whispers words into my window in words that nobody knows
There's pretty girls on every corner, they watch him as he's walking home
Saying "does he know?" Will you ever know?

You're beautiful, every little piece, love
Don't you know? You're really gonna be someone
Ask anyone
When you find everything you've looked for
I hope your life leads you back tomy door
Oh, but if it don't
Stay beautiful

Cory finds another way to be the highlight of my day
I'm taking pictures in my mind so I can save them for a rainy day
It's hard to make conversation when he's taking my breath away
I should say "hey, by the way..."

You're beautiful, ever little piece love
Don't you know? You're really gonna be someone
Ask anyone
When you find everything you've looked for
I hope for life leads you back to my door
Oh but if it don't,
Stay beautiful

If you and I are a story that never gets told
If what you are is a daydream, I never get to hold
At least you'll know..

You're beautiful, every little piece love
Don't you know? You're really gonna be someone
Ask anyone
And when you find every thing you've looked for
I hope your life leads you back to my front door
Oh, but if it don't, will you stay...
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,
La la la
Oh, oh oh oh,
Oh, but if it don't
Stay beautiful
Stay beautiful

Ladies and gentlemen (mainly ladies though), this is Sean Faris.

You know, the picture pretty much says it all.

Create.

I just realised that I posted 40 times last month.

Record. =)

I feel like telling secrets, but I know that I have no idea who reads this. (Hello Joel.)

Ah wells, I really don't have time to be writing this, what with things that I should be doing and all. But, I don't have any of the assignment thingos that anyone else has. Except my short story. Which I don't think is homework. I hope. Besides, I have my idea, I just don't have a full story. Oh well, here comes my blog.

(This blog was initially written on Sunday morning. Yes, I am an incredible procrastinator. Anyways, some things have changed between then and now, but I left everything I wrote here. Please enjoy.)

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I want to be brave enough to say it to your face. But I won't be. Not because you intimidate me, but because I'm afraid of hurting your already fragile feelings. But when I said what I said, I didn't back, because it's all true. You're the only one who's too blind to see it.

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If I had randomly said "I love you" in the middle of our conversation (note to Shailin: this is the NORMAL thing to do), I think I would have freaked you out. Instead, I told you that you were amazing. I know you're reading this right now, and I want you to know that I love you. Not in a freaky way. (Maybe it will still freak you out, and if it does, I'm sorry)

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You look so beautiful today

When you're sitting there it's hard for me to look away

So I try to find the words that I could say

I know distance doesn't matter but you feel so far away

And I can't lie

Everytime I leave my heart turns grey

And I want to come back home to see your face

And I

Cause I just can't take it

Another day without you with me

Is like a blade that cuts right through me

But I can wait

I can wait forever

When you call, my heart stops beating

When you're gone, it won't stop bleeding

But I can wait

I can wait forever

You look so beautiful today

It's like everytime I turn around I see your face

The thing I miss the most is waking up next to you

When I look into your eyes, I wish that I could stay

And I can't lie

Everytime I leave my heart turns grey

And I want to come back home to see your face

And I

Cause I just can't take it

Another day without you with me
Is like a blade that cuts right through me
But I can wait
I can wait forever
When you call my heart stops beating
When you're gone it wont stop bleeding
But I can wait
I can wait forever

I know it feels like forever
I guess that's just the price I gotta pay
But when I come back home to feel your touch
Makes it better
Till that day
Theres nothing else that I can do
And I just cant take it
I just cant take it

Another day without you with me
Is like a blade that cuts right through me
But i can wait
I can wait forever (I can wait forever)
When you call my heart stops beating
When you're gone it wont stop bleeding
But I can wait
I can wait forever
I can wait forever
I can wait forever...

{I just want you to know that I put this song here, because I think you need to hear it. I know you could wait forever, I'm the same. Although the song is so far from perfect, a lot of things are, and it goes close. I hope you actually read the lyrics, I think you'd like the song}

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I don't want to take sides in your stupid fight. I don't like either of you, but you both think I'll side with you. I think you're both selfish and inconsiderate. You din't understand how everything you do effects everyone around you.

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I think… I'm almost happy. I'm pretty sure I'm almost happy. Not quite there, but bloody close. I'm back to the flowers and rainbows and unicorns. I smile at random people for no reason.

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I have written more of my story

You wanna HEAR???

(Of course you all do)

Living with Mum whilst she was sick was so difficult. She tried to make jokes about her condition, she tried to cheer me up, but we both knew it was fruitless. Looking back, I probably should have been a little more cheerful. After all, if I was dying, I wouldn't want anyone moping about, I'd like them to enjoy the little life I had left.

Each day, the prospect of her death loomed closer. Eventually, she was admitted to hospital, but her condition continued to worse. All the time getting sicker, and sadder. Much, much sadder.

And some point in time though, she started to accept it. She knew what was coming, and there became a way for her to be okay with it. Maybe she had some sort of realisation of truth, maybe her life flashed before her eyes and she liked it, I don't know what happened, but it seemed to work.

I wasn't okay with it, though. She seemed so unconcerned about dying, like, it was okay with her. I couldn't deal with that. I couldn't deal with losing someone so important in my life. I couldn't deal with her thinking her life was so unimportant. The happier she got, the sadder I did.

But my story is not entirely one of depression. For, the events that followed were not altogether sad. Although death can be a terrifying experience, it is an experience, and there is something to learn from it.

Mum died in her sleep. Perhaps that sentence was the hardest I've ever written. They sa her death was painless, that she felt nothing, and for this I am grateful. I know that I didn't wast me last few days with her, I know that I didn't waste my life with her. For I treasured every moment we spent together.

Of one the hardest parts of life is speculating death. Where do you go from here? What happens after death? Maybe the hardest part of leting go, is not knowing where they're going.

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Tada. Yes that is 500 words. So yes, I'm done my draft =)

By the way, I need a few ways of looking at death. So if you guys can just tell me what YOU think happens when you die, I'll use one of your beliefs in my story. I figure, no one else is warped enough to see it like me.

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In other school news.

Rosa (although I told you at school) I'm blogging my drama mark :L.

I got 18/20.

Is everyone happy now??

haha, good =) (Y)

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Haha, here's what someone commented on an AAR video on youtube:

I'd like to be his pants.
Is that so wrong?

- trishinstlouis

ROFL!!! No, not wrong at all :L

Only a little bit obsessed

I admit, I have never been much on an All American Rejects fan. I mean, sure, I have heaps of their music on my com, and I listen to it all the time, but I've never considering buying their CDs, I've never googled them, I just like the songs. But yesterday, I discovered something amazing. Something that will make me an AAR fan forever. Yesterday, I discovered that the lead singer, Tyson Ritter, is just about this gorgeous:




Pretty amazing, huh?
I think I'm a fan for life.
Of course, not quite to the point of obsession that Lisa has reached with Brendan Urie (although Tritter is a pretty cool name...)


Anyways, I swear, he is not the only reason I love them. (Just the main reason). I have another, more normal one. Have you guys ever seen the clip for dirty little secret?? Ok, well, through the clip, are a whole bunch of postsecrets. We all know how much I lvoe postsecret, yes??? Yes!! Now, imagine a combination of Tyson Ritter and Postsecret.


Exactly, all that's missing is chocolate.


To watch Dirty Little Secret video, click on me.


The postsecrets were actually given to the video, to help raise money for something something something (maybe just Google it?). But, it worked! And everyone is happy.


Especially me.

Understand.

She's crazy like a fool
What about it daddy cool

She's crazy like a fool
What about it daddy cool
I'm crazy like a fool
What about it daddy cool

Daddy, daddy cool
Daddy, daddy cool
Daddy, daddy cool
Daddy, daddy cool

I would go on, but after that all the lyrics just repeat themselves.

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I have some very sad news. (Other than "I've have a 70s song stuck in my head for the past week") (I am improving, it is no longer Rock On)
I am actually enjoying doing English.
I am sitting here with my depression-h0ur story, sitting in my lap, waiting for inspiration to hit me, so I can write more.
I am serious!
Sure, it's school work! But I'm enjoying writing my short story so much, I want to write more and more.

You all want to read it so far, don't you? Don't you??
OK, keep in mind, most of the paragraphs are unfinished.

My Mum and I have always been best friends. since the day I was born, we've relied on each other for almost everything. We've never had to worry about anything other than each other, and she's always been the person I turn to when something's wrong. Until now.

It's been 3 months now since Mum was diagnosed with brain cancer. Since the day she told me, I've cried myself to sleep every night. I try to be strong for her and put on a brave face, but I really just wish she could protect me from everything, like she used to.

Coming to terms with the fact that she's dying has been really hard. Sometimes, when she smiles, she has this look in her eyes that almost gives me hope. Maybe, she'll be strong enough. Maybe the treatment will work. Maybe we can overpower it together. And then the doctor's report comes back "Her condition is still deteriorating, I'm sorry Millie"

People say things like "I know this must be hard for you..." or "I understand how difficult it is but...", and it just makes it worse. No one really understands. No matter how many people they're known with brain cancer, none of them are my mother.

Stop! How do you feel?? (It's important, I'm a frustrated writer.)

Anyways, before you ask No, it's not based on a true story,.
So... yeah, that's my story

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Back by popular demand!

Word of the day: excogitate
What it means: to think out; devise; invent.
Why I care: because lana said she liked when i had a word of the day, so i just opened up my dictionary to a random page(326) and picked a word. this was it. But you all feel smarter for knowing what it means don't you?

(Lana, you'd better read this!)

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To EVERYONE who whinged that i was getting too many comments:
You're just JEALOUS! Because I have more friends than you :P
I get that are a few too many people commenting
And that popular blogs should never deal with the blogwriter's thoughts + feelings (it just screws everything up)
But I have great faith in all of you (actually that's bullshit) and i think you can all make this work!

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Yes, Rosa, the reason I didn't blog yesterday was because I was working.
Yes, I had major withdrawals. Yes, that's why I started blogging as soon as I woke up. (Well, after I'd commented on other peoples' blogs.)
I understand that my obsession is unhealthy.
But seriously, it's not that much.
I am improving my mental health (ahem.)
Because, I am opening up to the world. Yes??
Goodie =)

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We started as friends
But something happened inside me
Now I'm reading into everything
But there's no sign you hear the lighning

You don't even notice me turning on my charm
Or wonder why I'm always where you are

I've made it obvious
Done everything but sing it
I'm not so good with words
And since you never notice
The way that we beling
I'll say it in a love song

I've heard you talk about
How you want someone just like me
Everytime I ask you ask
We never move past friendly

You don't ever notice how I stare when we're alone
Or wonder why I keep you on the phone

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I heard that song at work yesterday.
(as well as the song from matilda)
And, it is just amazing.
Yay for Westlife.

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I REALLY want to play The Sims right now. Becuase it's what I do on weekend mornings before the rest of the world wakes up. But stupid Charlie forgot everything, and now I have to get the thigimos from Amy again, and it's just not the same without university/nightlife. AND it will take me forever to install everything. And then my mum will tell me off for spending too much time on my comp. yes, this is why i get her to install everything.

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Everyone lately, has been talking so much about the future.
This totally scares the crap outta me.
I mean, I don't know what I want to do with my life.
Well, I do.
But everyone tells me I should want more for myself.
That I should want to go to university.

Others can go and do anything, they doesn't have to go to uni, maybe it's not their thing. Maybe they'll do something else.
But me?
Oh no, I'm going to uni, what else could I possibly do? And if I don't, I'm just throwing my life away. It's just where I'm headed.
Honestly, I'm too lazy. I know year 12 will be too much stress for me.
I'd rather quit school now.

And you know what I really want?
A kid.
I know, I say it a lot and everyone tells me I'm being ridiculous.
But I really want to have a kid. A little child to look after. Something to do! Not work towards. Something I can make a difference in. A little life to look after. Someone to care for.
I'm being ridiculous again, aren't I?

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OK, I'll go smithteening, and then start installing Sims.
I wonder how many comments I'll get today...

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I've got another confession to make, I'm your fool...

Care.

It's not that unusual
When everything is beautiful.
It's just another ordinary miracle today.

The sky know when it's time to snow,
Don't need to teach a seed to grow.
It's just another ordinary miracle today.

Life is like a gift they say
Wraped up for you everyday;
Open up and find a way
To give some of your own.

Isn't it remarkable?
Like everytime a rain drop falls,
It's just another ordinary miracle today.

Birds in winter have their fling
But always make it home by spring.
It's just another ordinary miracle today.

When you wake up everyday
Please don't throw your dreams away;
Hold them close to your heart
Cause we're all a part
Of the ordinary miracle.
Ordinary miracle

Do you want to see a miracle?

It seems so exceptional
That things just work out after all.
It's just another ordinary miracle today.

Sun comes up and shines so bright
And disappears again at night.
It's just another ordinary miracle today.

It's just another ordinary miracle today.

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And In Other News:
Could my sister actually be getting an email address?
Is she coming out of social oblivion??
Maybe... she will get MSN!!
Or... wait for it... a blog!

Not that my sister is socially retarded. Because she isn't. Her phone never stops ringing. Her friends are willing to spend money on her. Mine, however, prefer the cyberworld. Which, I can't say I disagree with.
Anyways, she doesn't think a blog of hers would have any readers...
But if I link you guys, you'd read it, right?

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You are amazing.
No, you'll never believe me.
You'll never admit that I know what I'm talking about.
But I think you're awesome.
I'll never have the guts to say that to you in real life.
This is as close as I'll get.

(This is sort of directed to 3 people :L)

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I want to fly again.
Come fly with me?

If I tried, could I fly? - soulcages

And we'll fly over the treetops, and look down at the little people, thinking "oh how sad their lives must be" because we will have beautiful freedom

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Just for the FOUR people that, (to my comment of "im blogging") said "again?"

I am addicted to blogging.
Very addicted.
It makes me feel like I can say whatever I want.

But still, an addiction is an addiction,
I shall look for some sort of 12 step program.
Or blogaholics anonymous.

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:O I saw Luna today!

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I named my blog "Victor is cool" until further notice.
It's okay, his blog is "Ebony is cool"
Neither of us can think of a proper name
And clearly, I am cool, so it was a logical choice
For me, it was just blackmailing =)

(I'm kidding! You're cool!)

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You know what conversation I've had 6 times in the past 2 days?
(No really, its an interesting one)

Not to judge what you do not understand.
(Oh yes, you all know who you are, 4 of you are probably reading)
(at least you'd better be)

And, I managed to convince 3 of you (that's a good average)(i guess)
because none of you can feel empathy
none of you can know
what you haven't experienced
and you proceed to judge EVERYONE who it has happened to
you say "if it was me..."

well it WASN'T.
and maybe, half the time, it hasn't been me either.
but i DON'T JUDGE.

sure, i stick up for them
and thats taking sides.
sure, i tell you YOU'RE wrong, i judge YOU
but i just wish everyone could get along

if everyone understood each other, we'd never fight
that's what i think anyway
if you guys can just get over yourselves and listen to each other
just imagine...