Create.

I just realised that I posted 40 times last month.

Record. =)

I feel like telling secrets, but I know that I have no idea who reads this. (Hello Joel.)

Ah wells, I really don't have time to be writing this, what with things that I should be doing and all. But, I don't have any of the assignment thingos that anyone else has. Except my short story. Which I don't think is homework. I hope. Besides, I have my idea, I just don't have a full story. Oh well, here comes my blog.

(This blog was initially written on Sunday morning. Yes, I am an incredible procrastinator. Anyways, some things have changed between then and now, but I left everything I wrote here. Please enjoy.)

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I want to be brave enough to say it to your face. But I won't be. Not because you intimidate me, but because I'm afraid of hurting your already fragile feelings. But when I said what I said, I didn't back, because it's all true. You're the only one who's too blind to see it.

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If I had randomly said "I love you" in the middle of our conversation (note to Shailin: this is the NORMAL thing to do), I think I would have freaked you out. Instead, I told you that you were amazing. I know you're reading this right now, and I want you to know that I love you. Not in a freaky way. (Maybe it will still freak you out, and if it does, I'm sorry)

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You look so beautiful today

When you're sitting there it's hard for me to look away

So I try to find the words that I could say

I know distance doesn't matter but you feel so far away

And I can't lie

Everytime I leave my heart turns grey

And I want to come back home to see your face

And I

Cause I just can't take it

Another day without you with me

Is like a blade that cuts right through me

But I can wait

I can wait forever

When you call, my heart stops beating

When you're gone, it won't stop bleeding

But I can wait

I can wait forever

You look so beautiful today

It's like everytime I turn around I see your face

The thing I miss the most is waking up next to you

When I look into your eyes, I wish that I could stay

And I can't lie

Everytime I leave my heart turns grey

And I want to come back home to see your face

And I

Cause I just can't take it

Another day without you with me
Is like a blade that cuts right through me
But I can wait
I can wait forever
When you call my heart stops beating
When you're gone it wont stop bleeding
But I can wait
I can wait forever

I know it feels like forever
I guess that's just the price I gotta pay
But when I come back home to feel your touch
Makes it better
Till that day
Theres nothing else that I can do
And I just cant take it
I just cant take it

Another day without you with me
Is like a blade that cuts right through me
But i can wait
I can wait forever (I can wait forever)
When you call my heart stops beating
When you're gone it wont stop bleeding
But I can wait
I can wait forever
I can wait forever
I can wait forever...

{I just want you to know that I put this song here, because I think you need to hear it. I know you could wait forever, I'm the same. Although the song is so far from perfect, a lot of things are, and it goes close. I hope you actually read the lyrics, I think you'd like the song}

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I don't want to take sides in your stupid fight. I don't like either of you, but you both think I'll side with you. I think you're both selfish and inconsiderate. You din't understand how everything you do effects everyone around you.

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I think… I'm almost happy. I'm pretty sure I'm almost happy. Not quite there, but bloody close. I'm back to the flowers and rainbows and unicorns. I smile at random people for no reason.

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I have written more of my story

You wanna HEAR???

(Of course you all do)

Living with Mum whilst she was sick was so difficult. She tried to make jokes about her condition, she tried to cheer me up, but we both knew it was fruitless. Looking back, I probably should have been a little more cheerful. After all, if I was dying, I wouldn't want anyone moping about, I'd like them to enjoy the little life I had left.

Each day, the prospect of her death loomed closer. Eventually, she was admitted to hospital, but her condition continued to worse. All the time getting sicker, and sadder. Much, much sadder.

And some point in time though, she started to accept it. She knew what was coming, and there became a way for her to be okay with it. Maybe she had some sort of realisation of truth, maybe her life flashed before her eyes and she liked it, I don't know what happened, but it seemed to work.

I wasn't okay with it, though. She seemed so unconcerned about dying, like, it was okay with her. I couldn't deal with that. I couldn't deal with losing someone so important in my life. I couldn't deal with her thinking her life was so unimportant. The happier she got, the sadder I did.

But my story is not entirely one of depression. For, the events that followed were not altogether sad. Although death can be a terrifying experience, it is an experience, and there is something to learn from it.

Mum died in her sleep. Perhaps that sentence was the hardest I've ever written. They sa her death was painless, that she felt nothing, and for this I am grateful. I know that I didn't wast me last few days with her, I know that I didn't waste my life with her. For I treasured every moment we spent together.

Of one the hardest parts of life is speculating death. Where do you go from here? What happens after death? Maybe the hardest part of leting go, is not knowing where they're going.

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Tada. Yes that is 500 words. So yes, I'm done my draft =)

By the way, I need a few ways of looking at death. So if you guys can just tell me what YOU think happens when you die, I'll use one of your beliefs in my story. I figure, no one else is warped enough to see it like me.

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In other school news.

Rosa (although I told you at school) I'm blogging my drama mark :L.

I got 18/20.

Is everyone happy now??

haha, good =) (Y)

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Haha, here's what someone commented on an AAR video on youtube:

I'd like to be his pants.
Is that so wrong?

- trishinstlouis

ROFL!!! No, not wrong at all :L