Every minute of the day

I feel kinda crappy right now.
And I don't even have a reason.
Well, not a good one.


Here. Figure it out.

Black and white

I've made up my mind not to be cheesy and retarded today :L.

And there's something that I really really want to blog about, but, I'm so scared to.
What if, you don't understand?
Or what if you tell someone else who doesn't understand?
What if you blame me?
What if you don't?

And I was gonna put an absolute giveaway pic here (from postsecret this week), but it won't let me upload pix =( Which I will take as a sign that I shouldn't tell you.
Or that you have to look for it. OOOH!!
So if you go to postsecret and find the picture that you think I would have put here, tell me what number it is from the top, and I'll tell you if you got it right.

Hehe, how fun. And please actually do it, otherwise I will feel lame =(
And no one wants me to feel lame <>


"nikki is cool...nikkki is awesome...nikki can't spell ehr name"


I am one with the world tonight
I am proud to be this far from you
You say that you have no regrets
But I know that you do
you told me someone stole the eye
I know him too

I've come to the conclusion, yes I know
That between black and white
There is no room for two
The scale might be wide
But there's no need to be blind
Between black and white
There is no room for two

I leave all of the grey behind, I see clear
I know that I'll find
You claim that you are innocent
But tell me who aint
You think you're going to be saved
There's no such thing as a saint

I've come to the conclusion, yes I know
That between black and white
There is no room for two
The scale might be wide
But there's no need to be blind
Between black and white
There is no room for two

Just a girl

This is one of the best songs I've ever heard, in terms of being able to relate to it. Most girl will read it and be like "Yeah, that's me"
I heard it when I was listening to one of my old playlists, stuck between Another Now and This Is Me You're Talking To.
Anyways, great lyrics, have a read =)


I might be a little concerned with my hair
I might need comfort, more than my share
I might seem to follow fashion, but claim that I don't care
My heart is your best friend, when it rules my head

I might want to talk alot, but don't ask me why
And I'll get impatient if you don't reply
I might always search for something wrong I want you to deny
And if you love me just stay close, and hold me when i cry

Don't try to understand me, I'm just a girl
One of the greatest mysteries, you'll find in this world
I'm not hard to handle, I'm just a girl
I'm just a girl

I don't seek money, but I want your time
Cos I'd give my life for you, when you are mine
And it hurts me more than I can say when you pull away
But if you love me, you should tell me everyday

Don't try to understand me, I'm just a girl
One of the greatest mysteries, you'll find in this world
I'm not hard to handle, I'm just a girl

I'm just a girl (x4)

You might think I'm too demanding
But you're just not understanding, no

I might like to take advice, but go my own way
And it's when I hurt the most, I swear I'm okay
And it's always when you least expect, I say I want to stay
It might take just a single kiss to steal my heart away.

Don't try to understand me, I'm just a girl
One of the greatest mysteries, you'll find in this world
You think I'm an x file, I'm just a girl
I'm just a girl

Don't try to understand me, I'm just a girl
One of the greatest mysteries, you'll find in this world
I'm not hard to handle, I'm just a girl

I'm just a girl (x5)

Expectations

I can't be bothered to go picture hunting.
No, I really am a lazy shit.
So, well, have funlifulness.

-----

I don't mind if you're here or I'm there
I just need to see you love
To have you, to hold you,
To hug you, to love you

To tell you you look beautiful tonight
Because I know that you look beautiful tonight

-----

People ask me if I'm okay.
I don't know, am I okay?
I feel okay
But something tells me that I'm not

-----

I don't wanna act like
I know that you'll be mine forever
Though I hope it's forever

-----

You reached for my hand
And you picked up my heart

-----

When life offers you a dream
So far beyond your expectations

-----

There are two ways to live life
One is as if nothing is a miracle
The other is as if everything is a miracle

-----

Something tells me that I need you
But surely I haven't stooped so low
To be completely dependent on you

-----

I didn't want to belive it at first
I was scared that I would find out it was a lie
I'm not scared anymore
I don't have to be scared
I have you.

-----

"Gravity is not responsible for us falling in love"
Albert Einstein

Hatred.

Things I hate:

*When people don't read my blog

*Cats

*The colour pink

*Songs without lyrics (yes pink floyd, im looking at you)

*The concept of exercise

*Some teachers

*Feeling stupid

*Being cold

*Being tired

*Feeling sick

*Cheerleaders

*Shallow people (Mr Someone...)

*When people steal my mars bar in ag

*When both of my pairs of blue jeans are in the wash

*People who insult NCIS
*English staffroom.
*Teachers who give too much homework
*People who are purposely hard to get along with (<>)
*Not finding words in dictionary, or dictionary.com, or google define, or wikipedia (maybe they're not words)
*Not getting emails
*Inside jokes
*You. Just kidding =) a ha ha!
*People who discriminate
*Nights withought stars
*Days without clouds
*Double p.e.
*Skirts
*School uniform
*Seeing peoples ties under their collars
*When people are taller than me. I'm getting better though :L
*Forgetting things
*People who don't trust people they say they do
*Being judged
*Swine flu
*Being lonely in the rain
*When no one agrees with me
*Feeling alone

Counting down the days to you

16 days.

That's like, 2 weeks and an extra weekend of very long, very slow days.

Half of these pictures are how I'm feeling. And the other half make me crack up laughing. And then the other half just make me sad or curious of something. And yeah, my pictures have three halves. That's how awesome I am. =O

Cry peace

Cry hate

Cry faithlessness

Then just have a little have.

You lured me away from my home

Just to save you from being alone

You stole my heart

And that's what really hurts

I'd come for you

But only if you told me to

And I'd fight for you

I'd lie, it's true

Give my life for you

Counting down the days to go

It just aint living

And I hope you know

That if you say

Goodbye today

I'd ask you to be true

Cuz the hardest part of this is leaving you

When she's around, nothing else matters

Untouchable, she's got her own forcefield.

Sooner or later someone will get at her

But the nights were always warm with you

Holding you right by my side

But morning always comes too soon

Before I even close my eyes

I'll never be the same without you

If I have to say goodbye

I have no right to ask you

But if you can, won't you try to

Love me?

Some people say

That everything has got its place in time

Even the day must give way to the night

But I'm not buying

In your eyes

I see a love that burns eternally

And if you see how beautiful you are to me

You'll know I'm not lying

I'm not one for the crowd to see

It's just me

It's just

Just a little more, come on and satsify me

Just a little more, come on and terrify me

Just a little more an I'll be done with it

Oh I miss you, you know

And I've been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you

Each one a line of two

"I'm fine baby how are you"

An I would send them but I know that it's just not enough

My words were cold and flat

And you deserve more than that

I was at a party and this fella said to me

"Something bad is happening I'm sure you do agree

People care for nothing no repect for human rights,

Evil times are coming, we are in for darker nights"

Sweetheart, bitterheart, noe I can't tell you apart

Cosy and cold, put the horse before the cart

Oh teenage hopes who have tears in their eyes

Too scared to own up to one little lie

You stole my pure intentions

You are the sickness in between

Let me in, I'll bury the pain

Come on, come on

Move a little closer

Come on, come on

I want to hear you whisper

Come on, come on

Settle down inside my love

I wish I could carry your smile and my heart

For times when my life feels so low

I feel it, you feel it

That this was meant to be

I know it, you know it

That you were made for me

We can't deny this any longer

Day by day it's getting stronger

I want it, you want it

It's what the people want to see

Please don't change, please don't break

The only thing that seems to work at all is you

Please don't change at all

Surveys from Rosa

This is not an addiction. I just saw this on Rosa's blog, and thought it was awesome, so I stole it, and yus, here we all stand.

What's your name and how did you get it?
When I was just a baby little foetus, my mummy was watching a very stupid teenager thingo tv show. and on it was a girl called ebony, and she though "!! what an awesomeliful name!" and here i stand

Do you consider yourself creative?
No.

Prove me wrong, say something creative:
something creative.

What is the last random thing you did?
Uhm, I'm not suure.

Describe your personality:
I am a little pyscho, but I'm very deep too. =)

What is your favorite music genre?
How the hell do I know?

Do you ever daydream about being famous?
No, I'm cooler than that

Boyfriend/Girlfriend's name:
Victor =)

Describe your relationship with that person:
Well, we're a little odd :L (Him more than me)

What is your lifetime goal?
To be happy =)

Do you have any celebrity crushes?
No. Well, there is Mark Harmon...

What "label" would you consider yourself as?
I don't know. I don't really fit anywhere.

Name some major pet peeves:
People with crappy grammar. =P

What type of Blogger Layout do you tend to have?(Default, skinny..):
Dots!

Would you consider yourself organized?
Depends what I'm organising

What type of clothes do you wear most?
Jeans. Always jeans.

Do you play any instruments?
No.

Have you ever met a celebrity?
I dunno.

Describe the experience:
Memorable.

Are you more city or country?
City. Very city.

Where do you plan to live in the future?
I dunno.

Have you ever written a song/poem for/about someone?
Many.

Do you give weak or strong hugs?
Oh, well, you know, they're not that strong... <>

Are you a cuddler?
Yes!!

What type of books do you tend to read?
I don't

Has anyone called you a Bitch recently? If so, why?
Probably my sister =S

How happy are you most of the time?
Very happy. Some would say high... they may or may not be right

What is your favorite song? Why do you like it?
Like, like, ever??!! uhmm, jeez, runaway?? or maybe like, hooked on a feeling, or i hate the music, or something like that...

What kind of perfume/cologne attracts you to the opposite sex?
I have no clue either.

Would you say you're more Pirate or Ninja?
Ninja. Jackie's ninja! >:)

Do you make your own words/phrases?
All of the time, yeah

Don't you hate it when other people steal them?
No, love it!

How original would you say you were?
not very.

How many times a day do you look at yourself in a mirror?
I try not to.

Has anyone ever called you conceited?
Many, many times

Do you gossip?
I do indeed, I am a girl.

How bad do you hate cheaters and liars?
Cheaters are ok :L You know what, so are liars. It's all good!

Has anyone ever cheated or lied to you?
Yup, it was not the end of the world.

Do you answer questions with complete sentences or just a few words?
Usually a complete sentence, I usually have a lot to say. Apparently I'm a bit like that in real life too...

Do you prefer Haha or LOL?
i prefer :L

Do you like your smile/laugh?
Not really. On msn i do :L

Are you more personality or looks?
I'm hoping personality. =(

Did you just lie and put personality?
Yes. =(

How jealous can you get?
I don't really get jealous.

Have you really ever been so depressed, you wanted to die?
Yep

Don't you think Hello Kitty is just adorable?
No. No I do not.

Be honest, Britney Spears's music is okay, right?
Uhmm, suure.

Have you ever wished you had a British accent?
Yes, so I could say the loveactually opening the way it should be said

Have you ever lied about not liking a singer/band, but really did?
Not that I know of.

Do you still watch cartoons?
I never did. I'm lame.

Are you more Converse and Avril or High Heels and Simpson?
All of the above.

Makeup and gossip or piercings and screamo?
All of the above.

Plaid and ACDC or cowboy boots and Keith Urban?
None of the above.

Are you on any ADD medication?
No. But we're working on getting the help I need.

Would you rather watch a chick flick or a horror movie on a date?
chick flick. i'm scared of horror movies.

Do you ever just sing or dance for the fun of it?
no, i do it cuz it makes me feel free.

Do you ever wear mix matched socks?
yup. i'm cool like that.

Do people ever misspell/mispronounce your name?
last name, moreso

Do you have Grammar OCD?(Spelling/Grammar must be right):
YESSS!

Are you a survey geek?
No <>

Track list.

Steal from Rosa!

Step 1: Put your music player on shuffle.
Step 2: Post the first line from the first 25 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing.
Step 3: Strike through the songs when someone guesses both artist and track correctly.
Step 4: For those who are guessing -- looking the lyrics up on a search engine is CHEATING!
Step 5: You can only do 3 songs per person.
Step 6: If you like the game post your own!

1. Half past 12, and I'm watching the late show in my flat all alone
2. It's a blast, up in the universe, dreaming
3. I was born in a cross-fire hurricane
4. I was quiet as a mouse, when I snuck into your house
5. Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
6. I'm an angel, I'm a devil, I am sometimes in between
7. I was born by the river in a little tent
8. I've been loving you too long
9. You're way too beautiful girl, that's why it'll never work
10. This park, and these houses
11. When I am down, and oh my soul's so weary
12. I'm a new soul, I came to this strange world
13. It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart
14. Sunday morning, rain is falling
15. It is the evening of the day
16.There's that loving in your eyes all the way
17. We started as friends, but something happened inside me
18. What if I told you it was all meant to be?
19. This time, I wonder what it feels like, to find the one in this life
20. I remember when, I remember I remember when I lost my mind
21. Today is gonna be the day that they're gonns throw it back to you
22. Have you ever loved somebody so much it makes you cry?
23. Just have a little patience
24. I have nothing to do on this hot afternoon
25. Just take those old records off the shelf

Wow, those are actually all kinda good songs
ok, well, knock yourselves out!
happy guessing =)

The horrors of the world

Everything is going all good again.
I guess, everything has a habit of doing that.
For me, at least.

We were talking in English today about Animal Farm. Someone that said that no matter what someone had, they would always want more. They said that no one's ever going to be happy with what they have, they always want more power, more beauty, more friends.

I don't understand that.
I think maybe I'm a little naive, because I don't understand why someone would be unhappy with their life.
Why do you need more than what you have?
Why do you feel you deserve it?
I can honestly say that I am happy right now.
I can honestly say that I love my life, and myself.
And I can say, with some level of honesty, that I don't want anything more than what I have.

I mean, sure, I'd like to get better grades every now and then. (Like better than 54% for English hy, and 60% for History research task). And I'd like to have a little more time in my day. I wouldn't mind having a different maths teacher either...

But the point is, I wouldn't change those things. Even if I was told I could change any of that and have the rest of my life stay the same, I wouldn't do it. Because the lack of perfection is what gives me something to work towards. I can learn to study harder, to manage my time a little better, to put up with people who annoy me.

In English today, I didn't understand why the pigs wanted things better for themselves than others. Is the book saying that the smarter species will automatically be cruel and power hungry, and work a lower species to death? I don't understand. Why can't the idea of communism exist peacefully? Will this always happen? Why?

So Hancock wrote some stupid thing on the board about power. Power corrupts. But why does this happen? Why do people with power always want more? Why can no one be satisfied with how much power they have? Why?

...I really am naive, aren't I?
But you know what, I LIKE being naive.
So don't tell me anything about the horrors of the world.
I won't listen to you anyway. =)

Line by line.

I'm sorry I don't have the manual to life, and I'm having difficulty figuring out what I'm supposed to do, but I'm getting there, and I just need a little time. I'm not sure if I'm okay, and if I'm not, I'm not sure why. I feel like part of me is missing, but I'm not sure what it is... I'm sorry.

You touch these tired eyes of mine
And map my face out line by line
And somehow growing old feels fine
I listen close for I'm not smart
You wrap you thoughts in works of art
And they're hanging on the walls of my heart

I may not have the softest touch
I may not say the words as such
And though I may not look like much
I'm yours
And though my edges may be rough
I never feel I'm quite enough
It may not seem like very much
But I'm yours

You heeled these scars over time
Embraced my soul, you loved my mind
You're the only angel in my life
The day news came, my best friend died
My knees went week and you saw me cry
Say I'm still the soldier in your eyes

I may not have the softest touch
I may not say the words as such
And though I may not look like much
I'm yours
And though my edges may be rough
And never feel I'm quite enough
It may not seem like very much
But I'm yours

I may not have the softest touch
I may not say the words as such
I know I don't fit in that much
But I'm yours

Hiding from the world

I remember when I used to blog every Saturday morning.
I was the only one awake until about 10:30 (some things never change), and no one was online, so I'd just blog.
I remember when I used to blog everyday. Back in NaBloPoMo 2008.
But today, there's just some stuff I need to get off my chest

I wonder if, when she saw me, she saw through me. Did she notice that my eyes were still sparkling? Or that I was quieter than usual? Did she notice that I hugged her for longer than normal? That I wouldn't leave? Or did she just think it was me being me. Did she notice how hard it was to be me? Does she even care?

I know that I'm not as bad off as that. But I'm through pretending like nothing ever happened. Hell, I'm through forgiving you. You hurt me. It's time I came to terms with that. I can let myself be hurt, and I don't always have to be strong. I don't have to tell people though, because that hurts too. I just have to stop hiding it. I guess, the fact that some people know is sign enough that I'm learning to accept it. I just don't know if you'll ever be a friend again, just a "friend".

I never thought I'd be able to talk about it to anyone. But by seeing you talk about your situation, I'm learning to accept mine. I'd like to talk to you properly though, I'd like to be able to tell you about what happened. You know, I'd like to tell everyone. But I don't think there's anyone I can tell without freaking them out. I'm getting over this by myself, maybe I just need a bit of time.

I know I've always said that was the reason, I just never thought it was an issue for me. Admitting it was really important. And admitting to myself that it's no longer an issue was a nice feeling. But is that really the reason? Or am I scared of something greater?

I should really stop writing so cryptically. But this blog is about being myself. And I can't be myself with other people listening. So most of the time none of you have any idea what I'm talking about. And the rest of the time, you think you do, but I'm really talking about something totally different. And sometimes I'm not talking about anything, I just need to exhaust some emotions. Try not to think too hard about this, it just is.

You know how sometimes you are unbelievably sad for absolutely no reason?
I've been a bit like that lately.
And there really is no reason. Just that I haven't been sad in a while. I miss being sad =S.
...I'm so ungrateful.

I was always scared that was the reason...

Scared, because, if that is the reason, it's a lot more permanent than I thought.

But even if it permanent, I can learn to deal with it. Deal with it like everyone else can't, like everyone else won't try to.

I just don't want to be so different. Maybe I'd like that part of me to be normal, to be easy. But nothing is ever going to be easy...

This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looks so sad in photographs
I absolutely love her
When she smiles

How many days in a year
She woke up with hope but she only found tears?
I can be so insincere
Making the promises never for real
As long as she stands there waiting
Wearing the holes in the souls of her shoes
How many days disappear?
You look in the mirror so how do you choose?

Your clothes never wear as well the next day
and your hair never falls in quite the same way
You never seem to run out of things to say

This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looks so sad in photographs
I absolutely love her
When she smiles

How many lovers would stay?
Just to put up with this shit day after day
How did we wind up this way?
Watching our mouths for the words that we say
As long as we stand here waiting
Wearing the clothes on the souls that we choose
How do we get there today?
When we're walking too far for the price of her shoes

Your clothes never wear as well the next day
And your hair never falls in quite the same way
You never seem to run out of things to say

This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looks so sad and lonely there
I absolutely love her
When she smiles

Your clothes never wear as well the next day
And your hair never falls in quite the same way
You never seem to run out of things to say

This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looks so sad in photographs
I absolutely love her

This is the story of a girl
Her pretty face she hid from the world
And while she looks so sad and lonely there
I absolutely love her

This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looks so sad in photographs
I absolutely love her
When she smiles
When she smiles!

Operation: Beautiful.

Because you guys totally love (or are getting sick of) me introducing you to new websites, I'm doing it again!
Today's website: Operation Beautiful
Their mission: To encourage positive body image. "Change the way you see, not the way you look"
I found it through GMH =) and I've started postiting random comments everywhere, it's so much fun!!
So yeah. My first victim was my sister. I put a postit on her mirror saying "SMILE! You are beautiful" It made me smile just putting it there. And yeah...
Go to the website, and just look through it, and start making people feel as beautiful as they are.

Oh yeah, and I showed my sister the website, and she said "How'd you find this?" I said "Through GMH" She said "What's GMH?" I hit my head (hard) and went over to my computer to google it. Then she said "What's Givoogle?" Honestly. Some people are so uneducated, I tell you.

In other news, I finished my smithteens video, for the memoir "I can be my own superhero" and then when I saved it it turned fuzzy and green, so I'm gonna go have a cry about that.
Wish you were here!

Happy First Birthday

Hello sunshines,
It's me again.
Bored.
Again.
Dont' really have much to say.

Today is my blog's frist birthday. YAY!! *waves balloon around*
I find it very awesome that I've kept it for that long.
I mean, such dedication!
And it's been so much fun too, this whole blogging thing.

You know, I started it on Lisa's birthday. Isn't that interesting?
And I didn't even mention it was her birthday. Isn't that mean?
But yeah, IT'S LISA'S BIRTHDAY TODAY!!!
(That made up for it)
And it's Hunaiza's birthday too!
But she os only 15.
And Lisa is 16!!

Speaking of birthdays, tomorrow, Noha turns 15. *Pinches cheeks*
Anyways, that is that.

I am seriously soooo bored. I have been playing solitaire.
I went smithteening, but no one's really on.
No one's on MSN either.
Wow, I am really pathetic.
I guess I should go now...

Wish you were here =)

Welcome to Square one.

Hello sunshines,

I need help. Not mental help. (Don't argue that, I'm NOT a weirdo)
I need YOUR help choosing my favouritistymo memoir.
Because I want to make a sorta video about it. A video promoting our book. Our book that is coming out on September 1st (!!).
Anyways. Yes. Favourite Memoir. I have a shortlist!

And here it is:

Deteriorating differences between right and wrong.
My hand has holes for yours.
Smiling at random people without reason.
Finding my place, my voice, myself.
You're my angel with broken wings.
Flying away on their whispered words.
I smiled, and was finally beautiful.

Genuine smiles in an artificial world.
Square one is getting awfully familiar.
Put away your umbrella and dance.
Lost teddy. Now I hug air.
You are everything. Everything is you.
I've never seen you without wings.
Planted hope. Forgot to water it.
If beauty is time, you're eternity.
Permanent smile from thinking of him.
Never wanted to be "normal" anyway...
Who says 'fat' can't be beautiful?
Resolution: Smile everyday for no reason.
In my dreams we dance together.
Rewriting my life. Including fairytale ending.
He saw something nobody else did.
Girl overlooked got her fairytale ending.
Sometimes, life sucks. I'll smile anyway.
Following my heart. Ignoring the rules.
You're dying. I'm not ready yet.
I see beauty in everything ugly.
I can be my own superhero.

Please write me a shortlist of your favourite 5-10. I will put all my little lists together to pick my fave :L
The current faves are: Planted hope. Forgot to water it. and I can be my own superhero.


HELP ME! HELP ME!
Thankyou sunshines.

Full time friend

Always better with writing than speaking - coulda.been.a.comet

If every text message I sent made you happy, I would spend every last cent of my money on credit, and text you every night and day. If every song I sang made you smile, I'd call you in the middle of the night and sing to you.

But I don't know how to make you happy. I don't how to make you look in the mirror and believe that you're beautiful. I don't know how to make you love that person you see looking back at you.

But I love them. With every last piece of me I love that person, and I'm trying to make you love them too. You didn't know why I loved you, so I wrote you a list. You didn't feel beautiful, so I told you everyday.

I guess I've gotten to the point where, I don't know what more I can do.



I watched Juno last night. This song is awesome =)
And and, it reminds me of you...


You're a part time lover and a full time friend
The monkey on you're back is the latest trend
I don't see what anyone can see,
In anyone else but you

I kiss you on the brain in the shadow of a train
I kiss you all starry eyed, my body's swinging from side to side
I don't see what anyone can see,
In anyone else but you

Here is the church and here is the steeple
We sure are cute for two ugly people
I don't see what anyone can see,
In anyone else but you

The pebbles forgive me, the trees forgive me
So why can't, you forgive me?
I don't see what anyone can see,
In anyone else but you

I will find my nitch in your car
With my mp3 DVD rumple-packed guitar
I don't see what anyone can see,
In anyone else but you

Du du du du du du dudu
Du du du du du du dudu
Du du du du du du dudu du

Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, start
Just because we use cheats doesn't mean we're not smart
I don't see what anyone can see,
In anyone else but you

You are always trying to keep it real
I'm in love with how you feel
I don't see what anyone can see,
In anyone else but you

We both have shiny happy fits of rage
You want more fans, I want more stage
I don't see what anyone can see
In anyone else but you

Don Quixote was a steel driving man.
My name is Adam I'm your biggest fan
I don't see what anyone can see,
In anyone else but you

Squinched up your face and did a dance
You shook a little turd out of the bottom of your pants
I don't see what anyone can see,
In anyone else but you

Du du du du du du dudu
Du du du du du du dudu
Du du du du du du dudu du
But you

Givoogle

Today, I hate spent a great number of hours on GMH, and have even made an account. This website is totally making my day.
But I want to draw your attention to a new website that people probably don't know about. This website is Givoogle. (Get it? Give/Google)

Here's how it works:
It is the same search engine as normal google. But it has a banner down the bottom with an ad on it. Advertisers pay money for every 1000 people who see this ad. The money is donated to the American Cancer Society.

Basically, just by using Google, you're giving money to charity. Yes, homework is actually useful!!

Anyways, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE set this to you homepage. It is a teensy tiny bit slower than normal Google, but other than that, is exactly the same. Just by having it as your homepage, you view it everytime you open Internet explorer.

Be nice guys, MAKE IT YOUR HOMEPAGE! And tell other people to as well. As use awesome means of communication like blogging and stuff to tell other people to do it as well.

I know we're not actually americn, so giving money to the American Cancer Society isn't all that helpful. But you're using Google anyway, so you may as well.

A Better Place

This is my 250th post.
But I really don't care :L
Because I have a really bad headache, and the world is spinning a little, and I can't stop coughing. And I just generally feel like crap.

So! I'm going to tell you about a dream I had last night (without mentioning names)

-----

He forgot. I guess he's getting old, and isn't so good with dates anymore, and maybe it hurt too much to remember that date. He forgot, as he forgets every year. But that's not what was important. The important bit was that you were there. You who I haven't dreamed about in about 3 years now. Because you're not there to dream about. It was as if we went back in time, which no one seemed to notice except me; "they just stuffed up" was all I got. I never learnt what we threw into the ocean long, long ago.
But you were there.
In all your beauty, and kindness. Your willingness to care, to learn, and to care and learn for me. Your willingness to love me. Which I don't remember all that much. In fact, I don't remember what you look like anymore. The day that your face disappeared from my mind I cried for hours on end. Last night, your face came back. But more than that, you came back. Because you never left, they just stuffed up. Did you get that? You never left. You never left me, or my world. You stuck around. They just stuffed up.
I was so excited, I resolved to tell everyone here on my blog (yes, I dream about my blog), I resolved to post your song, one last time. I resolved to make the most of having you back. For all of the fuzzy consciousness that my dreams usually are, last night it was crystal clear. I was going to make the most of having you back in my life.

-----

I don't have you back, they didn't stuff up, I'll never have you back, and I will never be able to make the most of having you in my life. You will never be in my life. Never, ever again.

-----

But here is your song, the song I can never bring myself to sing. The song that was always about you. I'm sorry I never loved you enough, I miss you.

Sha la la la la, sha la la la la

You used to call me your angel
Said I was sent straight down from heaven
You'd hold me close in you arms
I loved the way you felt so strong
I never wanted you to leave
I wanted you to stay here holding me

I miss you
I miss your smile
And I still shed a tear
Every once in a while
And even though it's different now
You're still here somehow
My heart won't let you go
And I need you to know
I miss you, sha la la la la
I miss you

You used to call me your dreamer
And now I'm living out my dream
Oh how I wish you could see
Everything that's happening for me
I'm thinking back on the past
It's true that time is flying by too fast

I miss you
I miss your smile
And I stilll shed a tear
Every once in a while
And even thought it's different now
You're still here somehow
My heart won't let you go
And I need you to know
I miss you, sha la la la la
I miss you

I know you're in a better place, yeah
But I wish that I could see your face, oh
I know you're where you need to be
Even though it's not here with me

I miss you
I miss you smile
And I still shed a tear
Every once in a while
And even though it's different now
You're still here somehow
My heart won't let you go
And I need you to know
I miss you, sha la la la la
I miss you

I miss you.

Whenever you smile.

Because I'm a little insane (little! little!) I'm randomly picture blogging again.
My page is going to look mui pretty after this.
But I didn't write any of it :L
A page full of other peoples' pretty thoughts...

Love isn't supposed to be about a moment
Where you looked into a boy's eyes
& felt the world spin from beneath your feet;
it's when you saw in his soul
all the thing that were missing in yours.

I wake up wanting to see you face
I go to sleep wanting you to be there
To sing to me, or hold me throughout the night
I hate fridays and weekends because of you
And I can't get to sleep on sunday nights...

I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems that I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes, and you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light

'Cause when there's you, I feel whole
And there's no better feeling in the world
But without you I'm alone

And I'll be waiting by the window for your smile to come through
and I'll be waiting in the darkness when I call out to you
and I'll remember when you told me
I could trust in you

I believe I can
I believe I will
I believe I know my dreams are real
I believe I'll stand
I believe I'll dance
I believe I'll grow real soon and
That is what I do believe

This is love, isn't it?
When you notice someone's absence, and hate that absence more than anything?
More, even, than you love his presence?

Took my hand, touched my heart
Held me close you were always there
By my side night and day
Through it all baby come what may

We both know we'll grow old from here
Cause together we're strong
In my arms, that's where you belong

I've been touched by the hands of an angel
I've been blessed by the power of love
And whenever you smile
I can hardly believe that you're mine

So... yeah. Most of this is song lyrics today, because most of my thoughts are also in songs, which is kinda cool. Anyways, smile, and steal all my pictures and quotes if they mean something to you. I'll be really glad if they do.

P.S: I need you to know that I thought about you a lot today. I sung about you a lot too, and I think at one stage I started crying. I wish I could talk to you again, I miss you so much. I know I never really cared about you that much, and I feel guilty for that, but I need more time. I can't deal without you. I've only recently realised what you meant to me, and I need you back. Just for a little bit, just one smile. Just one hug. I never got to say goodbye.