A Better Place

This is my 250th post.
But I really don't care :L
Because I have a really bad headache, and the world is spinning a little, and I can't stop coughing. And I just generally feel like crap.

So! I'm going to tell you about a dream I had last night (without mentioning names)

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He forgot. I guess he's getting old, and isn't so good with dates anymore, and maybe it hurt too much to remember that date. He forgot, as he forgets every year. But that's not what was important. The important bit was that you were there. You who I haven't dreamed about in about 3 years now. Because you're not there to dream about. It was as if we went back in time, which no one seemed to notice except me; "they just stuffed up" was all I got. I never learnt what we threw into the ocean long, long ago.
But you were there.
In all your beauty, and kindness. Your willingness to care, to learn, and to care and learn for me. Your willingness to love me. Which I don't remember all that much. In fact, I don't remember what you look like anymore. The day that your face disappeared from my mind I cried for hours on end. Last night, your face came back. But more than that, you came back. Because you never left, they just stuffed up. Did you get that? You never left. You never left me, or my world. You stuck around. They just stuffed up.
I was so excited, I resolved to tell everyone here on my blog (yes, I dream about my blog), I resolved to post your song, one last time. I resolved to make the most of having you back. For all of the fuzzy consciousness that my dreams usually are, last night it was crystal clear. I was going to make the most of having you back in my life.

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I don't have you back, they didn't stuff up, I'll never have you back, and I will never be able to make the most of having you in my life. You will never be in my life. Never, ever again.

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But here is your song, the song I can never bring myself to sing. The song that was always about you. I'm sorry I never loved you enough, I miss you.

Sha la la la la, sha la la la la

You used to call me your angel
Said I was sent straight down from heaven
You'd hold me close in you arms
I loved the way you felt so strong
I never wanted you to leave
I wanted you to stay here holding me

I miss you
I miss your smile
And I still shed a tear
Every once in a while
And even though it's different now
You're still here somehow
My heart won't let you go
And I need you to know
I miss you, sha la la la la
I miss you

You used to call me your dreamer
And now I'm living out my dream
Oh how I wish you could see
Everything that's happening for me
I'm thinking back on the past
It's true that time is flying by too fast

I miss you
I miss your smile
And I stilll shed a tear
Every once in a while
And even thought it's different now
You're still here somehow
My heart won't let you go
And I need you to know
I miss you, sha la la la la
I miss you

I know you're in a better place, yeah
But I wish that I could see your face, oh
I know you're where you need to be
Even though it's not here with me

I miss you
I miss you smile
And I still shed a tear
Every once in a while
And even though it's different now
You're still here somehow
My heart won't let you go
And I need you to know
I miss you, sha la la la la
I miss you

I miss you.

Inspire.

Wouldn't it be wonderful to inspire someone?

Or to make someone feel good about themselves?

There have been so many time is the past few days when I've wanted to say "I think you're an amazing person" or "I'm really glad we're friends" or "thankyou for just being you, cuz you're awesome" but I'm scared that I'll freak people out. So I just keep my mouth shut.

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I want to know your story - imissyoulately

My story:

When I was little, everything was perfect. I guess that's just how stuff goes. I always knew I was very lucky. I had the most amazing life you could ever wish for. I knew I had to do something special. Even as a child, I contemplated parts of the universe that some people will never consider. I asked God why I was so lucky, why things always worked out for me, he just told me to never take it for granted, and to do something worthwhile with my luck.

I moved house at the age of 5, and I met her. It's hard, still today, to go into details about everything that happened with her. Needless to say, my luck had run out. At the time, I didn't understand. I thought it was normal, or that it was okay. I realise now that it was not okay. It will never be okay.

Somewhere in my childhood I got really happy. I know it's wrong of me to blame her, but I do. I know this is the easy way out. I also know that my argument has some validity. Yeah, I was a pretty depressed kid. I hated the world. I hated myself. I hated everyone around me.

I smiled. Sure, whatever. That was not a smile. That was lips going up at the corners. There's a difference.

Highschool started. And I was sick of it. I threw out my soul, and I got a new one. I was the crazy girl who liked skipping, polka dots and chocolate (actually, not the chocolate yet).

And for a very long time I was okay with that. I finally knew what it was like to smile. I was soo happy. Sure, maybe it wasn't perfect, and maybe it wasn't real, but I ws happy. That's all that's important.

OK, I'm stoppping my story here.

The rest in unwritten.

Well, the next bit is written, but you know what I'm like, I never tell you stuff too close to me at the present.

ANYWAYS! Everyone who's reading this, will you please comment with your story =)

Hippiness/Love/DNMs

Ok, I have this thing, right? Everytime I time I see a sunrise or sunset, it think it’s a sunrise. Maybe I’m an idiot, maybe I’m blind, but of course I have this really deep and meaningful way of looking at things: 

 I don’t believe in endings, only beginnings.

 See? It was cheesier than you thought it would be. 

 But now, when I see them, I think they’re sunsets. 

You want me to be DNM again?? Yeah? You know you love it.

 I’ve realised that all good things come to an end, and eventually, things end more often than they begin. 

 I’m SUCH a hippie, aren’t I?

 *sigh* 

 I love my hippiness, and be honest, you do too! 

 loveLOVElove. 

It’s become my whole life, huh? My every thought, my every BLOG, so weird. I mean, not totally unusual for me, I’m such a LOVEly person :)

Its been on my mind so much lately, though. I try so hard to tell myself that it doesn’t matter. But it does, of course it does. Love = life. Well, for me anyway. I know that’s wrong, I know that it should be a little less significant in the grand scheme of things. But it’s not, and for me, it never will be. 

 I fall in love too easily. Some people are jealous of that… but they shouldn’t be, because, it’s soo confusing. And then you feel all slutty. But, like, it’s genuine. Sorta. So that’s ok, right?

I dunno, I still feel like an idiot. 

 Ugh, this is so smelly. 

I get back from camp today. But I have to go to work at 5, so I dunno if I have time to blog, so I'm gonna autopost his one too, like Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday when I will be (by now WAS) at camp.

 Weird to think that by the time you guys read this, camp will be over, I will be 15, things will be different. Time is so strange, where does it go? If no one is in a room, does it disappear?? 

 Hmmm. Ok, just before I leave, I need to give you guys a really funny mental picture. My are getting me a PS2 for my bday, and singstar. But they didn't know if it worked, so they tried it out! My Dad won! They both got tone deaf *shakes head* Then again, my mummy, like me, sings flat. So I can understand. 

 And my Dad was probably so unused to actually knowing the words to the song...