Life in so many words

Today we were talking about someone. (Yes, the we is Amy & I). And we said how we wouldn’t want to ruin them by liking them, how it would break their beauty. But, you know what I realised? How could it? How can love ruin someone? If it is true, can’t it only make them more beautiful than before?

And then I found this:
Everyone says love hurts, but that is not true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts. Everyone gets these things confused with love, but in reality, love is the only thing in this world that covers up all pain and makes someone feel wonderful again. Love is the only thing in this world that does not hurt.

And that pretty much summed it up.

So, Amy, the reason I don’t like him isn’t that I don’t want to ruin him. And it’s not that he still has ‘primary school’ written all over him, cuz he doesn’t anymore. But, you’ve probably figured out the reason I don’t like him.

Anyway, I found all this D&M stuff today. And I thought I might post it. :)

When I was 5 years old, my mom always told me that happiness was the key to life.

When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I wrote down “happy.” They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, I told them they didn’t understand life.

I’m not stupid, I just lack common sense.

I don’t like him, I love him.

I’m not rude, I’m just honest.

I’m not mean, I just got jokes.

I’m not insecure, I just don’t trust people.

Too often, the thing you want most is the one thing you can’t have. Desire leaves us heartbroken, it wears us out. Desire can wreck your life. But as tough as wanting something can be, the people who suffer the most, are those who don’t know what they want.

a thousand words,
but none were spoken.
guess there’s nothing left to say.
another dream just broken,
i guess things just turn out that way.

You deserve good things, and I want to be one of them.

Don’t make me happy. Please, don’t fill me up and let me think that something good can come of any of this. Look at my bruises... Do you see the graze inside me? Do you see it growing before your very eyes, eroding me? I don’t want to hope for anything anymore.

"and then I felt sad because I realized that once people are broken in certain ways, they can’t ever be fixed, and this is something nobody ever tells you when you are young and it never fails to surprise you as you grow older and you see the people in your life break one by one, you wonder when your turn is going to be, or if it’s already happened"

Many things lost, but much gained. You never know what you had until it’s gone, and you never know what you really want until you’re alone. I haven’t really changed, but I’m not the same person.
Being alone either makes you get wiser or just insane, but maybe I’m both?

Growing up is never straightforward. There are moments when everything is fine, and other moments, when you’re a teenager and you realize that there are certain memories that you’ll never get back, and certain people that are going to change. And the hardest part is realizing that there’s nothing you can do except watch them, and realize that everything is going to change.

Dreams are always crushing when they don’t come true. But it’s the simple dreams that are often the most painful, because they seem so personal, so reasonable, so attainable. You’re always close enough to touch, but never close enough to hold. And it’s enough to break your heart.

"soon it will be too late. soon you will find someone, who is absolutely perfect for you. then i will never get to show you, that you were are absolutely perfect for me"

I told them all the great things about you, and there were a lot.

I was up there for awhile.

I didn’t tell them everything, though.

I left out the complicated stuff, like how it took losing you forever for me to truly find you.

And how finding you turned me into someone else entirely.

That’s not what they came for.

People want to hear that you are great.

And you were great.

They want to know I miss you.

And I do.

It’s weird though, I feel like the only one who would understand this is you.

Anyway, I left that all out and kept it simple.

I told them I loved you just like I always have and just like I always will, and that’s the truth.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ok, you guys know how I’m trying this new honesty thing?

Yeah, it applies to all aspects of my life.

But there’s one part of my life I will never be able to own up to.

One question that will be asked more and more as we grow older,

that I will never be able to answer truthfully,

because I am so ashamed of one part of myself.

I haven’t lied about it yet,

I avoid the question,

or blush so much that people realise they’re intruding,

and move on.

But I’m so scared that one day someone will demand an answer,

and I’ll have to tell them.

I always warn people that I’m a bad person.

I remember telling my cabin group on year 7 camp

that it was unwise to be my friend because of how awful I am,

I guess they didn’t listen.

I’m scared that if anyone finds out this part of me,

they will never want to talk to me again.

That this will be the one thing that throws them over the edge.

I touched on my secret once in a blog ,

but I’ve never told you what happened,

and I don’t think I ever can.

You see, I’m so scared of myself.

I know if I had a friend who had done these things, I would never forgive them.

Now I’ve probably got you all worried,

thinking I’m some sort of serial killer or something.

Well, I’m not, I’ve never hurt anyone… I’ve just scarred a few.

One day, I swear I will tell you guys everything.

Well, I'll leave out the details, even though you'll want to know.

Everyone wants to know.

These are the things in my life you want to know about

The unknowns, the yet-to-experience

That's the stuff you ask me about

Cuz you guys will experience this for yourselves

Just in a better, safer way than me

I'm sorry about that.

Sometimes, it annoyes me that things didn't work out

It annoys me that I ended up being who I am

Instead who I should be

I wish I could be that person I always had my visions of

But someone else ruined me first

Now I try to reserve everyone else, I guess

No one wants to live with that regret...

I'm sorry, again!

Tryuing to convince myself to shut up

Then again, that's usually unsuccessful.

I have to go now, because my mum is all pissy
Apparently, I'm not appreciateing my family
Darling! It's only you and dad home!
And I'm enjoying that you guys are agreeing, not arguing
Do I really want to come and ruin that??

But I will, because I am awesome

I hope everyone njoyed my pictures, and my pretty little writing decorations

(I've branched out from just colours)

And I know this is my second blog today

But I didn't blog yesterday

Because in between school and work I had 45 minutes

And it takes half an hour to get ready

And it takes me about an hour to blog

(I think about things carefully, okay?)

(Don't want to regret anything... too late!)

Oh yeah, thankyou for making me smile today!!

Reasons why Coles should not have employed me

Ok, so, yesterday, at work, I had one of those days.

No really, it was awful.

You see, I have been steadily getting tireder and tireder for the past month.
I keep missing out on sleep, and I just haven't had time to catch up yet.
I have HUGE bags under my eyes, which I can barely keep open, and I can't walk in straight line.
No, seriously, when walking on the footpath, I keep falling off. I don't know how I keep doing this because it is a footpath, but regardless, I keep falling off it.

So, getting back to yesterday.
Who wants to hear a story?
Good.

You see, it all started when my bus ran late. I know, how cruel. Then again, shame on me for relying on public transport. The thing about my bus being late, though, is that, you have to run. To get anywhere, you have to run if you re late.

And the thing about my work shoes is that they frown upon running.
You see, they’re still new. And although they are the most comfortable pair of shoes I’ve ever owned, they still give me blisters.

Basically, my feet are in a lot of pain right now.

Moving on, I get to work, and I’m told to go opposite mum (silly peoples, I’, not allowed to!) but blahdiblah, she moves. And, I’m all by my little lonesome *tear.

And then it started. I could feel my eyes closing right away, they were just too tired. I kept forgetting to greet customers, or ask for flybuys, or read them what the machine said (macfielders can’t all read, this is very important.)

And then I dropped it. I think it was a soft drink bottle. The first thing I have ever broken. Once I dropped it, it fizzed so much it blew it's lid off (sure, it would have been funny if it wasn't so embarassing).
And then the second thind I've ever broken... it was some kind of fruit or veg, but once I dropped it, it was just a schmeer on the floor.

Of course this is not at all bad, no one got hurt, I cleaned everything up, blahdiblah, all is good. And then I dropped the third thing. (Keep in mind I'm very tired!) You know how you can get glass bottles of ginger beer in sets of 4? Yeah, I dropped one of them. Glass flew everywhere, this is when I started crying. (Leave me alone! I'm sensitive, okay?)

So my supervisor, Leigh, came over and started cleaning it up. And then, she could tell I was really upset, and she told me to take a break, and come back in 10, she was really nice actually. (She's been nice to me ever since the day she thought she'd upset me, I can't even remember what she said, but I don't mind, I like her being nice.)

So yeah.
I suck.
(No really, this blog has no point)

OK, I've found a point (amazing how clever I am, really).

I hate it when people critise how I overreact to everything. You see, for me, crying is no big deal, I mean like, watch a movie lately? I cry pretty much everyday. I know, I probably shouldn;t, especially since I never drink anything, and thus my body loses a lot of water, but I do.

Crying is an outlet. I cry when I'm happy, sad, bored, PMSy, annoyed, embarrassed, laughing too much from something Amy said. And it doesn't always mean there's something wrong. Sometimes I cry because I want to feel vulnerable (I think it's so I feel little again, I don't know).

So, it's not me overreacting, it's just me being me. Deal with it.

(Oh, but I never cry around friends. But that's another story altogether)

This is what I do when I'm bored.

As awesome as today was (we all went to Lisa's), I'm not gonna tell you about it. You know why? Cuz that's not my thing.
You're reading my blog. Which means you've enjoyed it in the past (hopefully), which means you don't want to hear a play-by-play on everything we did today.
In six words: chocolate cake, whipped cream, cheese smells.
There you go. Now go read someone else's blog about today.

Of course, if I'm not gonna tell you about my day, I have to write something, right? Well, I should, beause I love you. And... well... it's a good habit.

So I am going to write about movies (oh yes, tres boring. deal. i know you'll read it anyway)

Ahem.
I present:

Ebony's top movies of all time (that she could think of in half an hour).

1. loveactually - i think i had a whole blog post on la once... around about camp time? anyways, that's how cool it is :)
2. music & lyrics - not only is it hilarious and stupid, it is deep and meaningful and full of music. all five are wins!
3. The Holiday - hmm, i think i also like this one because it doesnt end perfectly (i really am becoming cycnical lately)
4. All Star Wars movies - peoples, allow my inner scifi geek to have at least a little representation on this list. (EBONY LOVES STAR WARS!!!!)
5. Instant Message - pen pals for life, lovers for eternity.... such a cute movie, and very christmassy
6. Legally blonde - as little respect as I have for blondes, I love the idea that the underdog wins :)
7. 10 Things I Hate About You - R.I.P. Heathie! Great movie.
8. Stardust - Even the name is magical, don't you think?
9. A Walk To Remember - I've never cried as much as I did during this movie, it is incredible
10. 27 Dresses - Very unchicky chick flick, well I think so. Regardless, loved it!
11. Ocena's eleven (remake) - What is better than Brad Pitt? Brad Pitt and George Clooney! And better than Brad Pitt and George Clooney? Brad Pitt, George Clooney, and Las Vegas casinos!!
12. Transformers - Don't know how this got so high on my list, but it has incredible special effects, and some awesome one liners, that might have something to do with it.
13. Casino Royale - If you can't appreciate the hotness of James Bond, watch it for the awesomeness of poker.
14. Ocean's Eleven (original) - not of the same calibre as the remake, but still awesome. Stars the Rat Pack!!
15. Australia - now imagine how much higher I would have ranked it if it didn't include Nicole Kidman!! (or overdone Aussie accents)
16. Parent Trap (remake) - good movie from when I was younger. As well as LiLo before she turned to the dark side
17. Mission Impossible movies - two words: Tom Cruise.
18. Butch Cassidy & The Sundance Kid - if you can't appreciate a good western, watch it for the soundtrack and beautifully orchestrated humour
19. Just like heaven - Makes me smile. So it makes it to my list :)
20. Phenomenon - John Tavolta. Really, is there any other reason?
21. The Notebook - Because tear jerker chick flicks should be on my list :). (Even thought THEY DIE!!!)
22. Lucky You - Another Drew Barrymore film. It is tres awesome. (POKER peoples, poker!)
23. Legally blondde 2 - Animal rights focused. Makes you feel like you can make a difference, I like that.
24. Next - Sure, it's got Nicholas Cage, but that doesn't stop it kicking ass, does it?

That is my list of 24. Even though there are probably some better ones, that didn't immediately spring to mind, and they're probably in a jumbled up order.

Oh, and if there are any movie on my list that you haven't seen (my goodness, where have you been??) then you should IMMEDIATELY rent/download/borrow them and watch them!!

Do it now.

Go.

Can we say opinionated?

Well, we've all got our issues. - soulcages

You know what I realised? (Oh no, here I go again)
I am very impressionable
Well, first of all I realised that I never have an opinion about anything.
No, seriously.
Like, my favourite colour. Sure, we all know it’s green. But I don’t like green any more than the other colours. It’s not any better in any way. It’s just mine. I started liking green because it was the colour of my room when I was a baby. And now, I like it, simply because I associate it with myself.
And my favourite letter? E. Becausse it begins my name. Even though I prefer the look of Z. And I like the sound of M. (Clearly, I’ve put too much thought into this.)
Why am I so stupid?
Is that normal? Not to like things.
Except my moon. Must love Luna.

(Congratulations on the short blog Ebony!)

Finding it easier to smile by the day.

I brought my angel to school with me today. She fixed everything.
I guess now that everything’s okay with my grandfather, she spent all her time with me.
I am soo happy.
Happier than I’ve been in too long.
Mood swings come like tidal waves. – iamaspen
That pretty much describes it.
Thankyou everyone who made me smile today.
Which means everyone who said anything.
Especially those who let me hug them.

You know, the sun was brighter today. =D
No really, life shone more today!
I think I’m soaring…
Ehe, listening to ‘Realise’. It makes me smile.
Are you smiling? Please smile.
Better. :)

About the last person you'll think of:
I will make you smile.
I promise.
You will not be able to escape.
I will make you happy.
I know you’re not.
And I feel strangely responsible.
Strange in that I don’t know you.
How could I upset you?
But I’m gonna fix you.
I promise.
I will make you smile.

You know, I've written over 300 memoirs now. 20 of which I wrote today.
And although I usually keep to my personal limit of 10 a day, I feel really good about writing them. :)
But once I've written 500, my account will be full.
What will I do then??
You: Make a new account.
Well thankyou, but what about this account, does it just die?
Will these thoughts never be read again?
Eventually, will they fade??
If a tree falls in the forest, and no one hears it, does it make a sound??
(I say no, because if people don't hear it, it is just vibrations. They only become sound once interpreted by ears. That's right!! 4th in science, remember??)
Well, what happens to all the memoirs that stop getting read??
(Yeah, see, this one has no logical answer. So I don't know!)

"Whenever I get the urge to do exercise, I just sit down until the feeling passes"
My sister said that today whyen decorating our Christmas Tree. She was taking 5. We had a lot of cool "moment"s when decorating that Tree. Like how I got a box of red decos, but I was really lazy, I put them all on the same side of the tree. And then mum told me off for only decorating half. So then when I got my box of silver, I'd walk around to the other side. So now we have heaps of red on one saide and heaps of silver on the other. But the whole family's too lazy to move it.
And me and Nikki singing Christmas carols/songs. Especially, like, All I Want For Christmas Is You, and then it goes all high in parts, and we attempt iot, and just end up crakcing up laughing.
Oh, and "Viva las ABBA"
Well done Nikki.

Now, has anyone noticed all year that I've never blogged between 5:45 and 7:15 on a Monday? No? Good, so you're not stalking me. So why can I do it today?? Because drama finshed!!! And not bloody quick enough, either! Guess who I got to spend 4 hours with on Saturday?? I'll give you a hint. He teased/insulted/annoyed me the whole time!! Yeah, now you know who it was. Anyways, I get to spend weeks without him!! So, maybe it was worth it.

Yes, I've gone a little crazy(how unusual) with rainbowness lately. But I didn't use to colour any of my blogs, except the one about a particular person, and my dedication to my people, which I decorated to some extent.
And I don't know why I'm obsessed with the rainbow. OK, I sorta know, but I don't think that's the reason. Then again, My mind can tell me lies. - ThrivingViolet. So maybe... oh shuttup, and stop overanalysing yourself!!
Hope you enjoyed reading my cool blog.

PS: COMMENT!!!! (Although I have no idea what you could comment on.) (And Rosa, it's okay to go first. Someone has to don't they)
PPS: Sorry this is in pink. I fell off the rainbow.

Failure to conserve small truths

For my 100th blog, I keep thinking of all these things I could post about. I can’t seem to choose the best one, so I figure I’ll just add them all in together. Warning: Blog could be very crazy.


Ok, you know last post, I asked everyone to comment, to delurk? Thank you =) You guys are awesome! Anyways, I’ve decided that I’m going to be more encouraging towards comments. I like them, they make me feel like people appreciate the shit on my blog. So, do we all remember the post I did forever ago where I told you what to comment? (If no, click the link you idiots) Well, I’m doing it again, I’m telling you what to comment with. (I’m so bossy aren’t I?) (Too bad, it’s MY blog, I can do what I want)
Today, I want everyone to comment with a secret. A sort of postsecret sorta thingy. You can post it anonymously if you want (Actually, please do!) And I might comment too… maybe… Anyways, I like secrets, we all remember this, yes? Goodie. Well, tell me your secrets, oh the joys we will have.

I'm not going to care anymore. I have a rule, I'm not allowed to use "backspace" when blogging except for typos. If I mean something enough to write it, I have to post it, this could be a very interesting post. My sentences won't make sense. And I'll say things I'll regret forever. How exciting!

You know when you’re smiling so big that you start laughing. Laughing so much you start crying?
Amy made me smile that much.
I like it when she does that! No, I love it! She told me I was her bestest friend! BESTEST.
(You're smiling right now, aren't you Amy?)

...I get this little tingly feeling inside everytime you write my name. Like, by using it, it means you care about me. Even though it mean the opposite, cuz I still can’t say your name, and it hurts a lot to write, and I’m in love with you.

Yes, there, I said it. I am in love with you. Every part of me aches for you more and more each day. But it feels nice. Right now, at least.

I feel like a little girl when I think of you.
Because you make me believe in love.
Young love.
When things can make sense
And the world is yours for the taking
And when you have that boy, everything is okay
And you can conquer the world if you want,
But you don’t
You just want him.
Forever.

See? It makes you wish you loved me too, doesn’t it?
Because I made it sound so beauteous.
Because I didn’t mention anything about how it is very wrong of me to love you. And how everyone around us can tell just how wrong it is. I didn’t mention that that boy doesn’t love me nearly as much as I love him. I didn’t mention that I’m never allowed to talk to him.
I only said the important stuff. That I never want to spend a day without him by my side.
But I will, everyday, for eternity.

I feel small.
Small, in a good way. Like, I don't have responsibilties anymore, things just are.
Who wants to be small with me??



"Hope" is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops
at all

My guardian-angel is out getting coffee. - Magikal Wisdom

Actually, she's not, she's just otherwise occupied, and I do forgive her for having more important things to do than look after me, I just miss her a lot.
I still carry her on me when I need her. Most people ask me what she is, I say "my guardian angel", I never tell them more than that, I can't tell them more, or they'll think I'm insane. Either that or they'll feel sorry for me, and I don't want their pity, nor do I need it, I am not upset by her anymore.


Did anyone see the moon last night as she sat along the horizon? She was honey coloured, and beautiful. Not that ishe isn't always beautiful, but I love watching herchange.
I have taken ownership on the moon. Seriously, I'm gonna put a flag on her saying "Ebony is cool", and then everyone will know that she is mine.
Oh yeah, and I don't call her "it" like most people do, I use "her". She is my Luna.

There were sounds, in my head.
Litle voices, whispering.

Hmm, I think that accurately portrays my current emotional state. I seriously have voices in my head. Some of them are singing (no really, there's ALWAYS music playing in my head), other voices are telling me what to do, other voices are describing everything around me, so that I understand things better. And then there's the voices that think in tune with me. The ones that say these words as I write them.
I would love to rid my head of all of my little voices. They are so very distracting. And yet, I appreciate all of them in their own little way. I'm developing a sort of fondness for them, especially the ones that speak with my voice.
Do you guys have voices in your head?
If so, how many? And what do they all do/say?

Now, do we all remember my loving obsession with The Corrs?
Didn't think you'd forget that easily.
OK, well, another group who go VERY CLOSE to being as good as the Corrs are the Eurythmics. I trust that you all have no idea who they are, because I know that you don't listen to good music. I can't be bothered to link you to Eurythmic songs, but can't you just youtube them? Yeah? Good! You go do that. I'll wait.







Oh yeah, if you guys are wondering where I got all these pics from, uhh well... See, I'm not clever enough to go look for them myself, so I stole them. Mainly from Karen and Lizzie's blogs. Oooh, and I found some on smithteens. People use them with their memoirs.

Ehe, I have 10 more pictures left... and I'm running out of things to write (OK, so I ran out of things to write 5 pictures ago, and starting fishing for inspiration). I really have to go soon, though, I sort of have a packed weekend, you may have noticed I've been AWOL for the last 2 dys, and though I no longer HAVE to post everydy, I still like to. Wow, no wonder this post is so big.

I’d do it for you, you know. I’d try so much harder. I see you, sitting there, all alone; you have no one to talk to. You look bored. I try talking to you, but it is too hard, why should we put such effort into conversation? So I will learn for you, and one day (if I’m not too late), I’ll be the one talking to you, when everyone else isn’t. I know what a big smile you get when you see me trying to learn. Well you know what, I’m gonna try even harder for you. I love you, never forget that.

I have infinite words in my head. They all are dying to escape. I won't let them. I don't know why. Why do I still hide a part of myself? What am I scared of? What's the worst thing that could happen??
Actually, my head just answered that, now I have to do as it says, because it is my head. Hmm, am I writing with my soul then? If my head is otherwise occupied?

Ok, attention everone reading. SMILE!!
Did you smile?
Please smile for me.
Just turn your mouth a little at the corners. No, don't grin like an idiot, really smile!!
Yeah, like that.
THANKYOU.

You see, a smile is a beautiful thing. If you smile, and someone else sees it, and they smile, then it keeps going, and soon everyone is all smiley, and then, the world gets happier.
I like that idea. The idea of making people happy. Of makng people smile.
I like the idea that people are happy and smiley.
Ok, never mind, I'm crazy.

5 pictures left.
and yet, somehow emotionally drained.
no thoughts left for them.
Here, another blogsecret:

My sister was sexually abused.
She told someone about the abuse, and made it stop.
She did what I couldn’t do.
She had the courage to be honest about the abuse, and all that I had was shame.
I didn’t want to be different or damaged. I didn’t want my world to be turned up-side-down. I wanted to pretend it never happened.
I didn’t want it to be real.
I didn’t support her, acknowledge her pain or help her though the healing process.
I wasn’t on her team, I wasn’t her best friend, I wasn’t honest and I wasn’t brave.
This is my secret.
This is the remorse, the regret and the guilt I carry with me.
Sister, I am so, so sorry.This is my secret.

Don't bait him, Ebony, you should know better than that by now.
And don't laugh at him, when he takes it.
Don't laugh at his compliments either, no matter how funny you find them.
Play nice.
And be truthful.
Always.

Frightened of mirrors, glass, cameras, self.

Tomorrow will be my greatest adventure.

Just trying to figure myself out.

Don't like life. What's plan B?

Need to stop crying over you.

I think about you too much.

Trying so hard to stay strong.

Please stay alive for another day.

Now love hearing "Love Song Dedications"

Of course, not a blog could go by without mentioning my 6 word memoirs. Those ones are a bit recent though, so I probably shouldn't haven't posted them. But I can't backspace them *shakes head* my new rule sucks!!

You know I've been posting this since 8:30.
No, really, it's taken almost 3 hours. I mean like, I've done other stuff too. Some of which I've mentioned. But 3 hours is a very long time. Then again, it may be another hour before I finish, even though there's only one picture left. I want to write something nice. Something that sums up everything. What I REALLY need is a song. A song that fits. But I won't be able to find one. How frustrating.
I tell you what, I'll think of something and add it in later, this is taking too long.





PS: Remember your comment with a secret! :)

Categorising life by colour.

Quote:
Ellen:"Who’s Matt? Am I to assume you’ve finally named the voice in your head?”
Gina: “No, the voice in my head is a female”
--Instant Message
6 word memoir: Fell asleep thinking about his kiss – edyka
Song in head: Breathless – The Corrs. I love it. <33
Listening to: 3AM – Matchbox Twenty
Thinking about: Hmm, everything. Not that that’s unusual for me. But normally my thoughts are guided towards something vaguely specific.
Annoyed by: Shitty version of 20 good reasons I’m listening to, cuz there’s no good ones on Limewire.
Cheered by: Knowing that I can save someone
Mood: Hopeful. Happy (FINALLY). Reminiscent. And something else… but I dunno what it is.

____________________________________________

Yesterday I found out that one of my family friends is pregnant. She’s 22. Not in a steady relationship. My reaction: :O “That’s so cool”. My parents: :S
I think I really freaked them out.
But honestly, I don’t care.

____________________________________________

OMGSH. I came 4th in our grade in Science!!!

NO! I won’t let it go!!
That is sooo cool!!! 4th!!!
I’ve never come 4th in anything!

____________________________________________

You people will never ever guess who this is about. That makes me smile:
Weird. I mean, I don’t think I’m jealous, I just don’t want you to like her. I don’t want you to like me either, though. I just…maybe I think you’ll hurt her, cuz she sorta likes you too. I dunno. I know you made my day today. Because you made me realise that I have a gift. A gift I shall use to its full potential.
Especially regarding you.
I will help you, if it’s the last thing I do.
Which it could be.
Although, you don’t scare me, you excite me.
And I’m sorry I stare at you so much, it’s just because you intrigue me.
But now I have a point to prove.
And I can’t wait!!

_______________________________________________

She swears the moon don't hang quite as high as it used to
And she only sleeps when it's raining

And if there's no tomorrow
And all we have is here and now
I'm happy just to have you
You're all the love I need somehow

It's like a dream
Although I'm not asleep
And I never want to wake up

I don't want to say I love you
That would give away too much

Though I'm frightened by the word
Think it's time that it was heard

I don't wanna say I want you
Even though I want you so much

No there's nothing quite as real
As a touch of your sweet hand
_______________________________________________

OK, so, I've gone through my next 100 memoirs. And... I've picked out all my favourites. And I ended up with 31. But I don't want to kick out any of them. So you get 31 instead of 30 this time. And if you don't wanna read them, then skip em, ok? I don't care. Just don't tell me (:L).
Disclaimer: Some of these aren't about what they should be about, or what you think they're about. Some aren't about anything, but I guess, I thought them, so I must have a reason.
Ehh, just read em, you losers!

Can't lose what I never had.

Your voice makes my head spin.

Maybe saying it'll make it true.

Wish my life was a fairytale.

I always feel empty around you.

There's a reason it's called "falling"

Sorry in advance for tomorrow's mistakes.

My thoughts are slowly killing me...

I've finally found happiness within myself.

Can't do what's best for me.

I can be my own superhero.

I thought you needed me too.

God,
Why is everyone else normal?

The stars spell out your name.

I taught him to break me.

Tears form pools on my pillow.

You are beautiful, never forget that.

How can I fight with destiny?

I love you. End of story.

Your eyes outshine the night sky.

Your words cut holes in me.

I'm going to be happy today!

That 1% is tearing me apart.

Everyday, every night, every thought; you.

I'd catch a star for you.

I'd love to watch you sleep.

Is it better to have loved?

Runaway with me, our own lovestory.

You make my soul feel happy.

Scared I'll run out of words...

Warning: Next mood swing-- 30 seconds.

_______________________________________________

You know, this is my 99th post.
How exciting!!
My last one before I reach triple digits.
I wonder if my 100th post will be worth it.
5 moths.10 days.
That's how long I've had my blog. And MOST of posts were in November :L.
I'm getting to be a more frequent blogger.
I like this now, it feels safe, like, I trust you guys.
Do feel special?
You should!
And you know what else you should do??
COMMENT.
Cuz seriously, half the people that used to read my blog, I don' think they bother anymore.
And if you're reading this, like, next year, when you go blogsurfing... comment anyway!! (And then feel guilty for not reading earlier. But comment first)
It's my delurking day!!
So delurk!

_______________________________________________

=D.
Today, drama club performed for year assembly =)=).
Apparently, everyone stuffed up.
But we had fun...
And it was fun practicing.

I'm sorta pissed that peoples laughed at us...
Like, it was meant to be all tragic... how we all die because we're all forgotten. And how being misunderstood can lead to bad things happening.
That's right!! There's a message is our bad acting!
I still haven't seen our performance.
Cuz everyone always mucks around, and when we actually perform, I die before we even get halfway, and then I just sit there dead on Cassie/Imogen/Sophie/whoeverispuppet2, and try not to smile. I sorta wish I'd seen it.
Although, peoples were filming it *shudder*, so maybe I'll see it sometime.

_______________________________________________

Quote:
Nikki: "Wow, that is such wisdom!!"
Me: "Yeah, pitty it's bullshit."
6 word memoir: Throw rocks at window, I'll come. – coulda.been.a.comet
Song in head: Message to my girl - Spit Enz
Listening to: I'm Yours - Jason Mraz
Thinking about: Hehe, I don't wanna say this time.
Annoyed by: Stupid idiot who found my blog so now I can't write about him.
Cheered by: A deal that I'm mayb gonna make with myself.
Mood: I feel warm. I kow that's not technically a mood. But... it is to me. Cuz I know what I mean :L.

Blogsecret/Thankyous/XmasWishlist

Quote: "I wrote this song for you. I used only the good notes" - The Holiday. holiday=love.
6 word memoir: Be different. Everyone else is boring. – pinkpixxie4432. memoirs=addiction
Song in head: Runaway - The Corrs (It's been stuck in my head ALL DAY!!) corrs=coolest
Listening to: Dark Star - Grateful Dead. stars=pretty
Thinking about: How much this song reminds me of last year and 8R07. (I used it for my 1960s project in History) 8R07=goodtimes.
Annoyed by: The fact that this song has no words, come on, everyone knows that's always the best part! lyrics=awesome
Cheered by: Eating corn. corn=yummy.
Mood: Words couldn't even go close to explaining.

Ehh. I have PAPN tonight, and I have to wear a skirt =O. We're not allowed jeans! Seriously! Of my 4 pairs of pants, all of them are jeans! (Different colours, yes, but jeans all the same).

Oooh, do you guys remember me talking about Blogsecret??
(I can't be bothered to link that to my blogsecret post. Just look through my blogs lazys)

OK, well, I have another one for you. (I found a short one!)

Dream Come True?

I fantasise loads. About you. About us. About us creating a life together.
I know I’m getting ahead of myself and I know that we’re not at that stage yet,
but I can’t help but dream about the time when we can be together. Properly
together.

Everyone has dreams and that’s OK. But sometimes I let my dreams affect the
here-and-now. I worry about how I will cope if we can’t realise my dreams. When
we have problems it makes me scared, because I want more than anything for my
dreams to come true.

I want to find out from you if you feel the same way as me. I think you
might, I hope you might, but I don’t dare assume that we will end up together.
Just in case. I am so scared of being hurt. I’m so scared that my dreams will
always be dreams and never become real.

When I was younger I used to fantasise a lot about guys that I had crushes
on. Sometimes I found it difficult to separate dreams and reality. I hated my
real-life. I was insecure. I was lonely. I felt inadequate. Living in my dream
world was just easier, happier and more rewarding.

I’m terrified that if things didn’t work out between us I’d go back to
this. I would feel like I was better off living in a made-up world with you,
than in the real world without you there for me.

I don’t want to have to dream because my life isn’t good enough without
dreams. I want to be able to dream because it’s enjoyable.

Should I ask you about your dreams? Would that make me feel less scared and
vulnerable? Should I just wait and see what happens? Should I try to stop
dreaming about the future and concentrate on the present? Will I even be able
to?

Yeah, it's an easy read, I know. Short and sweet, how simple.
OK, I just spent half an hour reading other Blogsecrets. Wow. They're addictive.

OK, back to my blog.

I really have nothing to write.

I'm not sad today. I mean, sure, I'm a few million lightyears away from hapy, but I'm not sad, I don't think. All this excitement caused by PAPN, it's nice. Not that I'm excited. I mean, jeez, what do I get to do? Accept an award and sing a song I still haven't learnt the words to in a language I'd never heard of before last week. But people's happiness is helping me.

And music. I was on my sister's computer yesterday, and she'd recently ripped our 'Very Best of The Corrs' CD onto it. So that was my playlist ~ hence the Corrs-related blog. But it's cheering me up. Singing Corrs songs in my head.

Note to all people who put up with me at sport today: I'm very very sorry for my bad singing. But the songs were awesome, right? Besides, it was mainly Runaway, and if you don't like that then maybe you shouldn't be my friend, huh? (Except Joannie, I'll keep Joannie)

Note to all people who WEREN"T at sport today: YOU BLUDGERS!!! Especially Lisa/Judy. Who knew Judy had it in her to jig? I would have joined you guys, or the guys cuz you were just going home, except I knew I'd get caught. But you should have all come!! We did, like nothing! T-Ball/Cricket. But in cricket, half of us sat on tables and said "no, sir, we're the batting team" when McCord asked us to pick up the cricket ball.

...

Thankyou Jenny for my secret santa present! When I said I wanted Mei-Wei for Christmas, I didn't mean it that literally!! SO THANKYOU!

Thankyou Joannie for not leaving me today at sport. You are ubercool.

Thankyou Lisa for your Christmas card!! And I DIDN'T read it around people, I read it practicing for MADD. There was no one else there. And I shall try.

Thankyou Judy for your Christmas card. It was the first one I got all year, it made me feel all happys.

Thankyou Rosa for the candycane. It tasted like Christmas.

Thankyou Amy for all your random really biig hugs. They never fail to make my day, you rock!

I know half you guys don't read my blog. So I might say all that in real life, if I'm bothered.

I'd walk through hell for you. – Paige

I know it's heaps like my star one. But I wrote mine first!! Besides I mean it for my friends... I think.

Okays. Everyone else has written a Christmas wishlist, so I'm gonna give it a go.
If you really love me, and are rich and feel like getting me a present this Christmas, you should try:
(And even if you're poor, cuz there are some cheap/free options on this list)

FLEXIruler.
Cus well, normal ones break in my bag. Seriously, everything breaks in my bag. It's a weapon of mass destruction. No really, everything! My bag even broke my Jap CD last year. And when I don't have a ruler, people get annoyed when I borrow theirs (except Osmond. He just laughs cuz I also don't have exercise book, text book, calculator, protractor, compass, and all other stuff I should bring to Maths.) (And also cuz he's awesome).

WESTLIFE CD
Hehe, how convenient that I am listening to Westlife music now...
But it's all shitty, cuz it's all Limewired.
And I don't have any full albums of songs. And YES, I still listen to CDs. And I cbb making them from my comp.

NCIS Season 4
Yeah, I know, it's sorta expensive. Buhh, I really want it! I tried watching it on youtube, but it's not the same with a 19" screen, when I have a huge plasma TV out there just waiting to be used. Besides, Season 4 is the only one I haven't seen. And I would love it very very much.

MEIWEI
No really, she is the coolest. If you could get me Mei-Wei, I would be forever in your debt. =)

CANDYCANES
They taste like Christmas. No, really. And last ear I only got 43 (yes, only!!) and they didn't even last me till Febuary. So, the more the merrier!! I will appreciate them all, I promise!! (Especially if they're green)

POST SECRET books
If you buy them from Amazon.com, 10% of profits go to keeping Postsecret website alive. And I love reading people's secrets. Especially since I can normally relate.

Tell me your SECRETS
Seriously, I love hearing secrets. And then I have heeeaps, so we can exchange if you wants =)

NOT QUITE WHAT I WAS PLANNING 6 word memoir book
You guys know I'm obsessed with them, right? Cuz I full on litter my blogs with them. And I think I have more fun collecting them for blogs than you guys do reading them. But the thrill is not all in the find. Just browsing people's life stories is soo cool.

TEEN MEMOIR book (which name I do not know)
I'm gonna be in it!! So I have to read it, right? Exactly! I can't just miss opportunities like that, can I? So you buy me book? *nods*

HUGS
If you love me at all, you will hug me this Christmas (especially end-of-term-hug {warning: I am not responsible for any bones I may break giving you end of term hug} and especially LISA!! Who actually went to hug me yesterday before asking me why.{yes I'm getting to you})

MAKE me a CD
No, seriously. You all know that I am not very musically diverse. I do not listen to your music. Basically, anything from this decade is put on the backbenches. So make me a CD of stuff you think is cool. And I will listen to it, and maybe even sing along to the songs stuck in your head. (WARNING: Songs must have good lyrics or else VERY VERY good music. Because what is a song without good lyrics? Not worth it, that's what it is) (Warning: you will have to put up with my terrible renditions of all songs you give me)

Hehe, ok. My Christmas list is over.

Ok, just a reminder to all you idiots who forgot/haven't been paying attention over the last forever.

WE"RE GONNA BE ON TV THIS WEEKEND.
Channel 10, 10:00am.
They are announcing the winners of nationals for Wakakirri. And showing performances. Ours is the good one!!
Oh yeah, and I can't remember if it's Saturday or Sunday (shutup! some things aren't important...wait). Because people told me Sunday the 13th. But Sunday's the 14th :S
So watch it on Saturday, and if it's not on, watch on Sunday too.

(YES, that it my solution, shut up!)

Quote: Sameera: "You need a pace maker"
Me: *looks confused*
Sameera: "to fix your heart"
YES! I spoke to Sameera, cuz all you ppls rejected me at sport!
6 word memoir: You taught me how time flies... – Eralyn
Song in head: I never really loved you anyway - The Corrs
Listening to: Don't Care - Delta Goodrem
Thinking about: How good a job Delta did for her first song. (And how cool the lyrics are! Got the lyrics!)
Annoyed by: Having to wear skirt tonight.
Cheered by: Family finally being together tonight. With no one at work/hospital/drama.
Mood: Hopeful. Yeah. Hopeful.

Educating your taste in music

Because I’m crazy and I think too much about everything, I asked my sister the other day ‘How would you explain hot and cold to someone who couldn’t feel them?’ and do you know what she said? No, you don’t. Do you want me to tell you what she said? Yes, you must, or you wouldn’t still be reading.

She said… ‘Heat feels like you’re being suffocated, and coldness is like being alone’

Wow.
I know.
I know you’re wowing right now, cuz I wowed when I heard it, and I live with her!

I wowed so much that I decided to put it on my blog, now that’s some serious wowness!! (Did I mention I was crazy? Oh good.)

Drowing out all thoughts with music. – randomperson

I know I know, I’m back into blogging everyday. But it’s my escape. My getaway.
So, blog I shall.

First of all, I must ask you people, do you know the CORRS????
Anyone?
Yes, today I shall be educating your taste in music.

The Corrs are the second best thing to come out of Ireland (the best being Westlife. Clearly). Their cooliest song is RUNAWAY (omgsh, I heard that at work the other dya, and I had to sing along, and the customer thought I was crazy… too bad, I am!). But also good are Breathless, So Young, I Never Loved You Anyway, What Can I Do?.
Oh, and you guys have probably heard Irresistable, but never knew who it was by.

That's right, you go click on those links! (Yes, I know the video clips suck, just listen to the songs!)

Breathe they say. How about live? - Obscurity

I don't know what to say now. I would love to write down how I feel, but I can't... and words will not suffice. I try, I really do. You think my obsession with 6 word memoirs is just cuz theyre awesome? No, I'm trying to improve my relationship with words. No really. No, I'm not insane (OK, a little).

Ehh, I want a hug again.

I gave Amy a biiig hug today, it was nice =) but not long enough.

Youre the kind of person
You meet at certain dismal dull affairs.
Center of a crowd, talking much too loud
Running up and down the stairs.
Well, it seems to me that you have seen too much in too few years.
And though youve tried you just cant hide
Your eyes are edged with tears.

You better stop
Look around
Here it comes, here it comes, here it comes, here it comes
Here comes your nine-teenth nervous breakdown.

Put your brave face on
The one you wore when you stole my heart
Won't you hold my hand
We'll jump together into anything that could
Possibly happen

'Cause we're still so young
Ask me to dance in this hotel room
Then let's get out of here
And hit the airport with nothing but a carryon between us

You take my over analyse away
It's you and me against the world today

'How long does it take to fill this emptiess
We're just two lost souls and baby we got no regrets
We don't wanna say bye-bye
Babe it's just you and I
We're not Romeo we're not Juliet'

He ain't pretty with his hard old heart
Second generation immigrant scars
And he knows that this ain't heaven - no
She's all skinny like a cigarette
And he's the only thing - the only thing that she respects
And he's trying to make it better

What can i do to show my love to you
I'd face erormous pain, run through the wind and rain
Anything i'll do
The smile on your face is like a joy that can't be placed
It runs all over me, and takes a hold of me
Don't let it fade away

Thanks to you, years ago
I guess I'll, never know
What love means to me, but oh
I'll keep on rolling down this road
But I've got a bad, bad feeling

It's gonna take a long time to love
It's gonna take a lot to hold on
It's gonna be a long way to happy, yeah
Left in the pieces that you broke me into
Torn apart but now I've got to
Keep on rolling like a stone

I was lost
And you were found
You seemed to stand on solid ground

I was weak
And you were strong
And me and my guitar, we strummed along

Sweet misery you cause me
That's what you called me
Sweet misery you cause me

I was blind
But oh, how you could see
You saw the beauty in everything, everything and me

I would cry
And you would smile
You'd stay with me a little while

There's a chance that maybe in this life I'll find
True love and peace of mind
There's a chance that maybe I can reach my goal
And soar to the other side
Good things come to those who wait
I'm just afraid that I might sit here and wait too late, so...

I'm taking a chance on loving you
No matter the price i'll pay my dues
I'm taking a chance on loving you
They tell me I'm crazy

I won't let myself say it, so that'll do. Oh, how pretty, my songs are in rainbow.

This sucks.

I should go... do stuff.

When things die...

OK, so yes, my blog died a little over the past week.I stopped feeding it, and what happens when you stop feeding things? They die.(No seriously, I had this fish once...)(Yes, you guys love my metaphors)

Here, read this:

If people were drinks, he'd be hot chocolate - not the powdered stuff we get in Oz but the rich, dark thick mixture they serve in
Polish cafes, like molten bitter chocolate bars, which you whisk in your cup
with the frithy milk they bring in a seperate jug. I realise I am salivating and
pretend to bite the end of my pen. He looks up and I frown, concentrating on
what I am writing. Which is this, right now.

He's the kind of boy that makes me feel all wishful
because I'm not much of a looker myself. I have my Dad's height and brown eyes
and my mum's big feet and frizzy hair. He is sleek and well-coordiated and
relaxed; if people were animals, he'd be a seal or a brown Burmese cat. I'd be a
duck-billed platypus, made up of bits of other animals and not sure which one to
be.

Very awesomelyful, yes? It's by Mary Hoffman. Paints a pretty picture, yeah?

Le sigh. I feel like smiling. As in, I want to smile, but I've been so upset all day and I dunno why.

Things are hurting me. A lot. 'And maybe it's because she's so strong, that no one thought that she could fall so fast. But everyone's never been more wrong'.

OK, so maybe I'm not strong. But I couldn't think of a song that actually applied (plus, I wrote that one =D).

I want to feel alive again. I want to be set on fire by happiness (pretty picture. again). I want a candle, or a guiding light.

I feel like; I don't wanna hurt people and upset them by telling them how unhappy I am. But I don't wanna lie to them, and tell them everything's okay. I'm only telling you guys, because, well, I'm trying to be honest. Again. And I know, it will be hard, but I'm putting in some effort, so let me.

I want to be a silly little girl again.

I want to hold hands and skip with someone and run away into endless possibilties.

I want to feel like nothing can hurt me. Like I'm protected.

I want to not feel bad about crying, especially just for writing shit like this. Because it's okay to fell bad when things hurt me.

I want to smile. Lots and lots. And cry lots too. And laugh even more.

I want to be happy.

I know my life is a yoyo, and I must take the good with the bad. But I don't want the bad anymore. Because every now and then the bad gets too much.

Like now. I feel like I'm being tested. Well too bad, I fail!

And then I feel worse, because I can't handle any of it. I feel weak.

And I start selfdestructing. And no matter how much I try, I know I'm not doing a good enough job. I don't want people to feel bad about me, because then I feel even weaker, like I can't take life by myself. But no one is fooled for even one second, thinking that everything is ok. Sure, they pretend for me, but I know they can see...

And then I feel even worse.

I want a hug. A really, really big hug. And I want it to make everything better. (Hugs have healing power you know).

(((TOO BAD! I DON"T CARE)))

Me: *singing* "Am I not pretty enough? ... Is my heart to broken?"

Nikki: "YESS!"

Thanks.

But I can't blame... that. - Whoa, it hurt to write. Oh well, can't delete it now.

OK, I know, you're all lost now. But that's a very very good thing. Stop trying to figure it out now please.

Here, I shall enlighten you all as to the beauty that is WORDS. (Or, to be more precise, 6 words)

Deep down, it'll never be okay. – wordslikexpoetry

The petals fell, one by one. – syracuse24

Misery loves company. I love you. - October

I tried hard not to cry. – edyka

i want to know i'm alright – reneigh

Please explain the world to me. - ThrivingViolet

I am cold and i'm broken. – Kelseyyy

Do I deserve to smile again? – To.Much.Not.Enuff.x3

Don't know what I'm waiting for – edyka

I want to hold your hand. – seeareuh

On the bright side, everything's broken. – October

Take my hand, we'll run forever. – randomperson

I don't enjoy my life anymore – Occultus

I need you now, my angel - ThrivingViolet

wasting wishes on stars for you.. - Anonymous.Secrets

Heart Racing; Tears Falling; Breakdown Approaching. - Anonymous.Secrets

Wondering what God thinks of me. – 1073

overwhelmed, underwhelmed; monotone and utterly alone. – lemonsherry

I lie. My heart isn't okay – Cassylyn

You're amazing. Just throwing that in. – October

Because hope dangles on a string... – sunset boulevarde

i have never felt more broken – lil’misstessa

Now, where did my dreams go? – Karina

I have written 262 memoirs.

What an accomplishment!

Have you guys found my page yet???

And I wasn't gonna blog this before, because it wasn't finished. But things have changed, and I know I will never finish it. I wrote this about a week ago, probabl a little more, but don't judge it, it is incomplete (as so many things are)

Love is not just passion and friendship. Because people often mistake best
friends for lovers, and they’re not, they’re friends. Love is more, love is
knowing, deep down in your soul, that if you spent the rest of your life with
this person by your side, that you’d be happy. That you would have your dream
come true.

Love is the feeling in your stomach when you hear that
song. It’s not even a flutter in your heart, it’s like, nausea. Because it is
merely an echo of the feeling in your heart when you hear that song with that
person.

Love can be a little hard, especially when they don’t love
you back, or as much. Or when you’re not with them. But it only hurts in
comparison to the times you’re with them, and things are miraculously
perfect.

Love is frightening, because it is uncontrollable. Things
that are as completely out of your power as this are scary.

And love burns. Not only because it is a friendship set on fire. But because
it hurts so completely. It terrorises all those in its way, and it

My Limits.

well well well
because my mum lacks originality in punishment, i have been banned from my comp
(however im allowed on when home alone, or when everyone else is asleep i.e. now)
So why am I banned? be cause i "dont appreciate my family"... yeah.

But I have nothing to say anyway, I'm just blogging to tell you that I won't be here for a while.
Because my mum sees no limit on punishmentwhen am I allowed back on?When I "learn to appreciate my family"
Mum, when is that? How can I mark that on a calendar?
Basically, when she's in a better mood.
ie. when we haven't recently visited any members of her extended family
i think my cousin's wedding yesterday almost sent her over the edge
and i guess i see her point... her family all hate her
it must be really hard to deal with that

...you know what I realised?
I am sooo melodramatic, it's soo funny!:) I love laughing at myself, because myself won't be hurt like other people, and I can't laugh without laughing at someone
Oooooh, it's all so tragic!! :L:L

Actually, really shit stuff has been hapening all week.
Lots of it is just annoying, but one thing actually hurt me.
Who wants to hear a story??

You: "I do! I do!"

Ok, here goes.
On Tuesday, my Grandfather went to some place that he goes to on Tuesdays. (I can't remember what it is, okay? Sue me!). But he was having a lot of trouble breathing, and couldn't even talk, so they rushed him to hospital. My Dad went to visit him, but I had to work. We found out that he had had a minor stroke. On Wednesday, they found a blockage in an artery in his neck, this is what caused the stroke. If it wan't remived, it would almost definately cause a major stroke, and then would be very likely to cause permanent damage.
Problem was, operation to remove the blockage highly risky, and there was a chance he wouldn't make it out. He didn;t want the surgery. Somehow, my dad and auntys (my uncle is in NZ) managed to convince him to have the surgery. Then people started talking about him as if he coulsn't possibly survive, it was like they were expecting him not to.
It really scared me, hearing people talk about him like that. Like he had no chance. I've never dealt with the prospect of someone dying before. When my grandmother died, it was unexpected, she was meant to come out of hospital the next day, it was the last thing people were expecting.
On Thursday, my grandfather had the surgery, and survived. He's still in intensive care, and for the first 24 hours after surgery, everytime he woke, he got really anxious and worried, and started freaking out. He's okay now, and he can walk around.

I still haven't visited him, although my dad goes everyday, it's always after work, and I haven't been given the chance. I don't know if I would, anyway, because it would scare me too much.

OK, now you've heard my story you forgive me for being a real shit at school all week? And whining about everything, and just randomly staring into space and looking like something is killing me?

You: "Of course I do Ebony, I love you!"

Aww, thankyou :)

Well, now I'm gonna go write/read 6 word memoirs, cuz... I haven't all week, and I'm getitng withdrawals.

Ooooh, big THANKYOU to MayLyn!! Who, during the week, published my meoirs when I couldn;t, you saved my life darling!!! :)

Oh, and I found out which memoir made it into the book.
I'm really annoyed, I don't even llike this one, it's so shitty, it didn't even get featured! It's so bleh... but I'll write it for you guys anyways, cuz I said I would.

Been kissed once. High school dare.

Seriously, it's not even, like, nice. It's just silly.
If IIII had to choose one of my memoirs to go in the book...

Hmm, my most commonly fabourited is "I gave you everything... you left" but I don't like it that much.
"I don't care. Just come home." I like that, sort of. It's like, it's got story to it.
"I'm not special. I'm just me" That's cool. It makes me smile.
"Don't need you. I'll love myself!" I love how stubborn that sounds.
"I think too much about everything" Enough said.

"The stars spell out your name" Reminds me of a song that reminds me of my grandmother, so I like that one, but I'm bias.

"I see beauty in everything ugly" That one gives me hope. Like, light can overcome shadow. (Omgsh, that sounded so hippy :L And still, so deep :))

"You are beautiful. Never forget that." Ngaw, how sweet.

OOOh, I found it!
If I was going to put just ONE of my memoirs in the book, it would be:

I'd catch a star for you.

Mainly because that reminds me of Stardust, thus reminding me of... happiness. But also, because, when I wrote that, Joannie said to me on MSN
""II'd catch a star for you" that's so sweet"
And that made my day! A million times over.
And I KNOW you don't read my blog Joannie, because you suck!
But nevertheless, I'd catch a star for you!!!!!!!!! I would, really! You want a star?? Cuz I'll go find one :)

Oh. My. Gosh.

What is it with me and really long blogs? Remember when they used to be petite??
BUT! I haven;t blogged all week, and you guys were getting withdrawals, yes?

You: *pause*... yes.

I thought so.

Ehh, leaving now, ciao!

I'll see you under the moon!

Top 30 out of 123

Dear Six-Word Memoirist,

If you're getting this email, it means that one of the six-word memoirs you submitted at www.SMITHteens.com is one of our favorites. Congratulations! You are a finalist for publication in Six-Word Memoirs by Teens Famous and Obscure, a new book coming out from HarperTeen next fall. Our first book, Not Quite What I Was Planning, was a big hit, and we know with your help, this one can touch even more people!

No way! I’m gonna be in the book!!
Ur kidding me!!

That is soo cool, and as soon as I’ve found out which of my memoirs will be in the book, I will get back to you guys and tell you.

Until then. I am going to celebrate me getting into the book AND me reaching 200 memoirs (:O), by sharing with you some of my favourites of mine, up to the most recent 100 (maybe I still think you won't be able to find my account if I don't put recent ones) (maybe i just cant be bothered to go through my liast 100).

You know, some day, when I’m all rich and famous (and hanging out with the jonas brothers, and God!), these may be worth a lot of money. *nods* So, here it is, my top 30, out of my first 123!! (Cuz I’ve written 223)

A failed attempt; a second chance

Hated music, then you started singing

You're only beautiful to my eyes

Our song hurts to listen to.

Waiting to fall out of love.

Screaming over voices in my head.

"Just be yourself!" "Who am I?"

I’m a sucker for the clichés.

I thought I was over you.

Let go? Or hold on tighter?

You told me I was beautiful.

Didn't ever want to say goodbye.

Don't be my everything this time.

You promised never to forget me.

Tears form. But I won't cry.

Smile for me, one last time.

You're wrong!
I love you regardless

It's not a game to me.

I wrote 100 memoirs that night.

But I cried everyday over you.

I still wish it was you.

I'm not special. I'm just me.

I don’t wanna do what’s “right”

I can't help writing about you.

What's it like to be perfect?

Please don't pretend you love me

Don't wanna hurt everyone I love.

You touch me; I feel safe.

I'm learning to be happy
again.

But I don't wanna let go.


'Oh! How beautiful Ebony! No wonder you're in the book! You're amazing!'
That's what you guys are gonna say now, so that when I'm all rich and famous, I still remember you. Right??? Ok, goodie.

Also, guys, seriously! If you don't have an account, then how the hell are we gonna take over the Internet?? That's right! You go make an account!! And then write... anything!! Yesterday would have been a good day, as LOTS of people posted... but any time will do! Please share your thoughts... I'm sure you've found yourself trying to think of some memoirs (Allan!!). So share them people (i.e. me[comment on my blog if you cant be bothered getting an account])

Links to SMITHteens are in opening paragraph, if you're too lazy to look, press here. And... yeah.
I know, I wasn't gonna blog today, because, like NaBloPoMo is finished and all, and I really shouldn't tease you guys with my blogs. But it feels so normal to blog, especially when I have such coolio news.

So you go click that link, make an account, write some memoirs, and leave some comments.

Ps: 'Dear Six-Word Memoirist', and here I've been saying memoir writer. Memoirist is so much more pro!
Pps: In case you guys can't pronounce it (:L). Memwah!