When things die...

OK, so yes, my blog died a little over the past week.I stopped feeding it, and what happens when you stop feeding things? They die.(No seriously, I had this fish once...)(Yes, you guys love my metaphors)

Here, read this:

If people were drinks, he'd be hot chocolate - not the powdered stuff we get in Oz but the rich, dark thick mixture they serve in
Polish cafes, like molten bitter chocolate bars, which you whisk in your cup
with the frithy milk they bring in a seperate jug. I realise I am salivating and
pretend to bite the end of my pen. He looks up and I frown, concentrating on
what I am writing. Which is this, right now.

He's the kind of boy that makes me feel all wishful
because I'm not much of a looker myself. I have my Dad's height and brown eyes
and my mum's big feet and frizzy hair. He is sleek and well-coordiated and
relaxed; if people were animals, he'd be a seal or a brown Burmese cat. I'd be a
duck-billed platypus, made up of bits of other animals and not sure which one to
be.

Very awesomelyful, yes? It's by Mary Hoffman. Paints a pretty picture, yeah?

Le sigh. I feel like smiling. As in, I want to smile, but I've been so upset all day and I dunno why.

Things are hurting me. A lot. 'And maybe it's because she's so strong, that no one thought that she could fall so fast. But everyone's never been more wrong'.

OK, so maybe I'm not strong. But I couldn't think of a song that actually applied (plus, I wrote that one =D).

I want to feel alive again. I want to be set on fire by happiness (pretty picture. again). I want a candle, or a guiding light.

I feel like; I don't wanna hurt people and upset them by telling them how unhappy I am. But I don't wanna lie to them, and tell them everything's okay. I'm only telling you guys, because, well, I'm trying to be honest. Again. And I know, it will be hard, but I'm putting in some effort, so let me.

I want to be a silly little girl again.

I want to hold hands and skip with someone and run away into endless possibilties.

I want to feel like nothing can hurt me. Like I'm protected.

I want to not feel bad about crying, especially just for writing shit like this. Because it's okay to fell bad when things hurt me.

I want to smile. Lots and lots. And cry lots too. And laugh even more.

I want to be happy.

I know my life is a yoyo, and I must take the good with the bad. But I don't want the bad anymore. Because every now and then the bad gets too much.

Like now. I feel like I'm being tested. Well too bad, I fail!

And then I feel worse, because I can't handle any of it. I feel weak.

And I start selfdestructing. And no matter how much I try, I know I'm not doing a good enough job. I don't want people to feel bad about me, because then I feel even weaker, like I can't take life by myself. But no one is fooled for even one second, thinking that everything is ok. Sure, they pretend for me, but I know they can see...

And then I feel even worse.

I want a hug. A really, really big hug. And I want it to make everything better. (Hugs have healing power you know).

(((TOO BAD! I DON"T CARE)))

Me: *singing* "Am I not pretty enough? ... Is my heart to broken?"

Nikki: "YESS!"

Thanks.

But I can't blame... that. - Whoa, it hurt to write. Oh well, can't delete it now.

OK, I know, you're all lost now. But that's a very very good thing. Stop trying to figure it out now please.

Here, I shall enlighten you all as to the beauty that is WORDS. (Or, to be more precise, 6 words)

Deep down, it'll never be okay. – wordslikexpoetry

The petals fell, one by one. – syracuse24

Misery loves company. I love you. - October

I tried hard not to cry. – edyka

i want to know i'm alright – reneigh

Please explain the world to me. - ThrivingViolet

I am cold and i'm broken. – Kelseyyy

Do I deserve to smile again? – To.Much.Not.Enuff.x3

Don't know what I'm waiting for – edyka

I want to hold your hand. – seeareuh

On the bright side, everything's broken. – October

Take my hand, we'll run forever. – randomperson

I don't enjoy my life anymore – Occultus

I need you now, my angel - ThrivingViolet

wasting wishes on stars for you.. - Anonymous.Secrets

Heart Racing; Tears Falling; Breakdown Approaching. - Anonymous.Secrets

Wondering what God thinks of me. – 1073

overwhelmed, underwhelmed; monotone and utterly alone. – lemonsherry

I lie. My heart isn't okay – Cassylyn

You're amazing. Just throwing that in. – October

Because hope dangles on a string... – sunset boulevarde

i have never felt more broken – lil’misstessa

Now, where did my dreams go? – Karina

I have written 262 memoirs.

What an accomplishment!

Have you guys found my page yet???

And I wasn't gonna blog this before, because it wasn't finished. But things have changed, and I know I will never finish it. I wrote this about a week ago, probabl a little more, but don't judge it, it is incomplete (as so many things are)

Love is not just passion and friendship. Because people often mistake best
friends for lovers, and they’re not, they’re friends. Love is more, love is
knowing, deep down in your soul, that if you spent the rest of your life with
this person by your side, that you’d be happy. That you would have your dream
come true.

Love is the feeling in your stomach when you hear that
song. It’s not even a flutter in your heart, it’s like, nausea. Because it is
merely an echo of the feeling in your heart when you hear that song with that
person.

Love can be a little hard, especially when they don’t love
you back, or as much. Or when you’re not with them. But it only hurts in
comparison to the times you’re with them, and things are miraculously
perfect.

Love is frightening, because it is uncontrollable. Things
that are as completely out of your power as this are scary.

And love burns. Not only because it is a friendship set on fire. But because
it hurts so completely. It terrorises all those in its way, and it