Life in so many words

Today we were talking about someone. (Yes, the we is Amy & I). And we said how we wouldn’t want to ruin them by liking them, how it would break their beauty. But, you know what I realised? How could it? How can love ruin someone? If it is true, can’t it only make them more beautiful than before?

And then I found this:
Everyone says love hurts, but that is not true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts. Everyone gets these things confused with love, but in reality, love is the only thing in this world that covers up all pain and makes someone feel wonderful again. Love is the only thing in this world that does not hurt.

And that pretty much summed it up.

So, Amy, the reason I don’t like him isn’t that I don’t want to ruin him. And it’s not that he still has ‘primary school’ written all over him, cuz he doesn’t anymore. But, you’ve probably figured out the reason I don’t like him.

Anyway, I found all this D&M stuff today. And I thought I might post it. :)

When I was 5 years old, my mom always told me that happiness was the key to life.

When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I wrote down “happy.” They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, I told them they didn’t understand life.

I’m not stupid, I just lack common sense.

I don’t like him, I love him.

I’m not rude, I’m just honest.

I’m not mean, I just got jokes.

I’m not insecure, I just don’t trust people.

Too often, the thing you want most is the one thing you can’t have. Desire leaves us heartbroken, it wears us out. Desire can wreck your life. But as tough as wanting something can be, the people who suffer the most, are those who don’t know what they want.

a thousand words,
but none were spoken.
guess there’s nothing left to say.
another dream just broken,
i guess things just turn out that way.

You deserve good things, and I want to be one of them.

Don’t make me happy. Please, don’t fill me up and let me think that something good can come of any of this. Look at my bruises... Do you see the graze inside me? Do you see it growing before your very eyes, eroding me? I don’t want to hope for anything anymore.

"and then I felt sad because I realized that once people are broken in certain ways, they can’t ever be fixed, and this is something nobody ever tells you when you are young and it never fails to surprise you as you grow older and you see the people in your life break one by one, you wonder when your turn is going to be, or if it’s already happened"

Many things lost, but much gained. You never know what you had until it’s gone, and you never know what you really want until you’re alone. I haven’t really changed, but I’m not the same person.
Being alone either makes you get wiser or just insane, but maybe I’m both?

Growing up is never straightforward. There are moments when everything is fine, and other moments, when you’re a teenager and you realize that there are certain memories that you’ll never get back, and certain people that are going to change. And the hardest part is realizing that there’s nothing you can do except watch them, and realize that everything is going to change.

Dreams are always crushing when they don’t come true. But it’s the simple dreams that are often the most painful, because they seem so personal, so reasonable, so attainable. You’re always close enough to touch, but never close enough to hold. And it’s enough to break your heart.

"soon it will be too late. soon you will find someone, who is absolutely perfect for you. then i will never get to show you, that you were are absolutely perfect for me"

I told them all the great things about you, and there were a lot.

I was up there for awhile.

I didn’t tell them everything, though.

I left out the complicated stuff, like how it took losing you forever for me to truly find you.

And how finding you turned me into someone else entirely.

That’s not what they came for.

People want to hear that you are great.

And you were great.

They want to know I miss you.

And I do.

It’s weird though, I feel like the only one who would understand this is you.

Anyway, I left that all out and kept it simple.

I told them I loved you just like I always have and just like I always will, and that’s the truth.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ok, you guys know how I’m trying this new honesty thing?

Yeah, it applies to all aspects of my life.

But there’s one part of my life I will never be able to own up to.

One question that will be asked more and more as we grow older,

that I will never be able to answer truthfully,

because I am so ashamed of one part of myself.

I haven’t lied about it yet,

I avoid the question,

or blush so much that people realise they’re intruding,

and move on.

But I’m so scared that one day someone will demand an answer,

and I’ll have to tell them.

I always warn people that I’m a bad person.

I remember telling my cabin group on year 7 camp

that it was unwise to be my friend because of how awful I am,

I guess they didn’t listen.

I’m scared that if anyone finds out this part of me,

they will never want to talk to me again.

That this will be the one thing that throws them over the edge.

I touched on my secret once in a blog ,

but I’ve never told you what happened,

and I don’t think I ever can.

You see, I’m so scared of myself.

I know if I had a friend who had done these things, I would never forgive them.

Now I’ve probably got you all worried,

thinking I’m some sort of serial killer or something.

Well, I’m not, I’ve never hurt anyone… I’ve just scarred a few.

One day, I swear I will tell you guys everything.

Well, I'll leave out the details, even though you'll want to know.

Everyone wants to know.

These are the things in my life you want to know about

The unknowns, the yet-to-experience

That's the stuff you ask me about

Cuz you guys will experience this for yourselves

Just in a better, safer way than me

I'm sorry about that.

Sometimes, it annoyes me that things didn't work out

It annoys me that I ended up being who I am

Instead who I should be

I wish I could be that person I always had my visions of

But someone else ruined me first

Now I try to reserve everyone else, I guess

No one wants to live with that regret...

I'm sorry, again!

Tryuing to convince myself to shut up

Then again, that's usually unsuccessful.

I have to go now, because my mum is all pissy
Apparently, I'm not appreciateing my family
Darling! It's only you and dad home!
And I'm enjoying that you guys are agreeing, not arguing
Do I really want to come and ruin that??

But I will, because I am awesome

I hope everyone njoyed my pictures, and my pretty little writing decorations

(I've branched out from just colours)

And I know this is my second blog today

But I didn't blog yesterday

Because in between school and work I had 45 minutes

And it takes half an hour to get ready

And it takes me about an hour to blog

(I think about things carefully, okay?)

(Don't want to regret anything... too late!)

Oh yeah, thankyou for making me smile today!!