My softer world

Confession #32: I hate when I upset you. I wasn't crying because you're an arsehole. I was crying because I made you feel like one. I love you.

"It's not a stoplight. It's a pause for peace."

"Just walk up and surprise me" - i(----)you


Caption: In the caves behind my house I found a softer world.
They understand what I had to do for love.
they don't believe in restraining orders.
Welcome to a softer world.
This picture is titled "What I did for love"
It is one of the cartoons that keep me going.
For the past few years, I've been holding onto these. My survival guide.
In so many ways.
These are my lifeline.
And this is my tribute.

Caption: "Hello! This is an email from a stranger who thinks you're just great!
Also, I respect a woman who organises her fridge so well.
Please don't scream when you turn around?"
Title: A stranger's just a friend you haven't met yet

Caption: I want the woman who yells at the potted plants at the library.
Yes, she's clearly troubled, but she's not helpless.
She doesn't take any shit from vegetables, for instance.
Title: Actually, maybe I want to BE her

Caption: I never wanted anything to happen to my parents
but a hero needs an origin story.

Title: And I'm not even sure gamma radiation would do anything

Caption: I can switch at will between being a man or a woman.
It's not my problem if you get weirded out
because my body stays the same.
Title: Any sufficiently complex system is hackable

Caption: I couldn't see through the blood and tears
I kept saying "Is that all you got?" even after they ran off
"Maybe your mom could come down and help?
Title: Ask her not to wear those army boots though

Caption: I'm gonna close my eyes and spin
And the first person I see is my soulmate
OK, class?
Title: But this doesn't mean an easy A

Caption: Some people collect stamps
I break into priests' hpises
and steal their dirty shorts for my vending machines
Title: I also collect stamps

Caption: I hire a prostitute to play tag and hide and go seek
she thinks it's weird repressed sex stuff
I just miss having friends who are girls
Title: I don't mind paying. It's worth it.

Caption: I've started a terrorist cell
We're going to do away with dating services
We're going to burn down Weight Watchers
Title: I used to want to wear plant bombs the night of the prom.

Caption: Police are saying the sniper's victims appear to have nothing in common.

Well, they do now!
Title: I was a terrible news anchor

Caption: I spend my lunch hours surrounded by people who apologiser for every tough
So today I hugged a stranger
and a thousand lonely people rioted
Title: I couldn't stop smiling in the back of the police car

Caption" My mum's buried out in these woods
She wanted her ashes scattered at sea, but it's like she always said
"No"
Title: It just wasn't reasonable

Caption: The sappy music comes up and I wipe the tears from her face
and into a heart-shaped vial
Tears make the best lube
Title: Not... not that we need it

Caption: The world isn't going to end just because we've done everything wrong.

Though, that would be easier.
Title: Oh fuck, we're doomed! Quick! To the movie theatre!

Caption: Thionking about the infinity of space makes me insane
I never want my kids to feel this small
So yeah, I let them eat whatever
Title: Priorities

Caption: Sometimes, I wish I could take back all my mistakes
but then I think
what if my mother could take back hers?
Title: She told me I was the best mistake she ever made

Caption: I told everyone I built my robot wife for sex
but late at night when we're alone
we mostly play battleship
Title: She's never too tired

Caption: The robot replacement wife laughs at all my jokes
Which was nice at first

Title: But even battleship gets old after 15 years

Caption: The sleepover is an integral part of a young girl's social like.
My firends are here to talk about boys. and laugh.
I'm here because my mother locked me out again.
Title: Smiling fights the lonely moster

Caption: Normal people don't steal dirty panties to feel close to someone

Is that what you're saying?
Title: Tell me another one

Caption: Halfway down she remembered
that Golden Girls was out on DVD
which could have gone in the CONS column
Title: Thankyou for being a friend

Caption: It was a plague nobody expected
pubert again, instead of death
cracking voices, and new bodies we can't understand
Title: The ravages of puberty leave nobody unscathed

Caption: My gramma has this joke where she says "Knock knock"
I say "who's there?"
she says "I can't remember" and starts to cry
Title: This is what frustrates me

Caption: I called my therapist yesterday, in a panic
I said "what if the sky falls again?"
And she said "Well, what if you fall in love?"
Title: True dreams

Caption: As a child, I killed animals
Not for any rish but because they seemed so sad
and I didn't know what else to do
Title: What would they do with their freedom?

Caption: The fall left him with brain damage and two long scars.
We tease him. "Oh him? He fell out of the ugly tree."
He looks most like our brother when he laughs
Title: We miss you

Caption: I was going to figure out the postage
and send you my heart
for Christmas.
But my friends talked me out of it.
They said "why would you send her something broken?"

Title: We've been good but we can't last