Let's be honest; I want you.

(Thankyou Anna for the quote)
"I don't want anyone normal, that's just boring. I want someone weird. I want someone unpredictable. I want someone who lets things slide and who loves to laugh and makes me laugh. I want someone who will be crazy about me, and isn't afraid to let everyone know it. I want him to be able to tell me to shut the hell up when I am bugging him. I want someone who challenges me, in every way. I want someone who puts up with my shit, but isn't a pushover. I want someone who pisses me off, but I can never be mad at. But perfect? That's one thing I never want. Maybe just perfect for me."

I want someone who stares into my eyes and tells me he loves me. I want someone who lets me fall asleep on him when it's late. I want someone who blocks out everyone else, but let's me in. Someone who makes me feel special. I want someone who stays awake all night to talk to me. I want someone who learns to play a song just so he can impress me. I want someone who truly thinks I am beautiful. I want someone who lets me win, but also knows how to put up a fight. I want someone who will sit at home and watch chick flicks with me, but will also make fun of every line. I want someone who will slowdance with me at a football game, but scream at the ref when he makes a bad call. I want someone who can sing along to the song in my head, but will tell me to shut up when I get too annoying. I want someone who won't let me go to class until he's kissed me. I want someone who rubs it in my face when he beats me in a test, but lets me do the same. I want someone who laughs at me for tripping over my own feet, but is willing to catch me when I fall.

I want you.

Flying without wings

I'm lazy today. So I want you to read these lyrics, and tell me what that something is for you. No don't skip over this, and don't go away without commenting. I wanna know!!


Everybody's looking for that something
One thing that makes it all complete
You'll find it in the strangest places
Places you never knew it could be

Some find it in the face of their children
Some find it in their lover's eyes
Who can deny the joy it brings
When you've found that special thing
You're flying without wings

Some find it sharing every morning
Some in their solitary lives
You'll find it in the words of others
A simple line can make you laugh or cry

You'll find it in the deepest friendship
The kind you cherish all your life
And when you know how much that means
You've found that special thing
You're flying without wings

So, impossible as they may seem
You've got to fight for every dream
Cos who's to know which one you let go
Would have made you complete

Well, for me it's waking up beside you
To watch the sunrise on your face
To know that I can say I love you
In any given time or place

It's little things that only I know
Those are the things that make you mine
And it's like flying without wings
Cos you're my special thing
I'm flying without wings

And you're the place my life begins
And you'll be where it ends

I'm flying without wings
And that's the joy you bring
I'm flying without wings

The whole world is on your side.

I have so much to give you.

So much love, and heart, and soul.

So much caring.

Everything I have in me.

I am not an empty vessel.

I am brimming with passion and smiles and stories and pictures and romance.

I want to break it, everything inside of me,

into a million tiny pieces

and wrap them up

and give you one everyday

until you have all of them.

All of me.

To say that you are pretty would be like saying that the ocean is blue

Because the oceans is full of all kinds of colours,

and i see all kinds of wonderful when I look at you.

Sometimes I ask myself why,

but in that same moment,

you give me my answer.

Why?

It's everything about you.

It's your joking smile,

your sweet scent.

It's the way I fit perfectly in your arms,

it's the tousle of your hair,

and the song of your voice.

It's everything about you.

About the way you make me feel.

It's everything that I never want to let go of.

You are timeless

& I am a fool in love with time.

And if you look a little closer,

you'll see that if a person believes that life is terrible,

they'll contantly look for proof of this,

to confirm their view of the world.

They'll find quotes and situations and events in their life

and magnify them a hundred times.

If a person believes that life is wonderful,

they'll look for corresponding signage,

and behave in a similar manner to the previous person, with their view of the world.

Often, this is the same person on different days of the week.

I swallow the urge

To call out your name

The need crashes in

I brace for the wave

And pray it will pass

Not take me under

The morning sun when it hits your face

Really shows your age

But that don't worry me none

In my eyes you're everything

I laughed at all your jokes

My love you didn't need to coax

It's so much easier for me to be angry than happy.

Now I get angry at you for always making me happy

when I don't want to be.

But then I love you, for keeping me angry and happy.

And happy and angry.

It's because I love you

And because you're near my heart

It's because I miss you

Oh how long it seems to be

It's because I miss you

Thoughts of you come back to me

Maybe it's not my weekend

But it's gonna be my year.

Life by numbers

#64694

I'm not perfect but I'm happy

I know I have my flaws

Yeah, I have a lot of them

But my imperfections are what makes me who I am

I may be loud, I may talk to much

and I may tell you to smile when you're just not in the mood

But I'm happy

So maybe you should try being unperfect too

Unperfect and smiling.

#51972

This girl forgotten was finally remembered

She's the girl everyone stopped caring about

At some point in time, she just ceased to matter

And it hurt her so much

Everyone, everyone she had trusted

They turned around and walked away

She didn't matter!

And then, one day, some one remembered her

And it was okay now

She had been remembered

#40497

Everything changes. Everything remains the same.

I'm scared of change.

And yes, some changes are good.

Some changes are encouraged.

Some changes actually help.

And then some changes. Just don't.

What if things change and they get worse?

Are we supposed to just accept it?

Do we look for reasons?

Do others thing get better for it?

#41443

Deteriorating differences between right and wrong

Everything changed for them

All of the lines blurred

Suddenlyit was okay to defy gravity

To go against everything they stood for

These people were infinite

They weren't bound by the same rules as everyone else

They didn't need to listen

There was nothing left between right and wrong.

#49286

Wishing I wasn't quite so manipulative

What would happen, if I left everything alone

If I let everyone do what they wanted to

If I stopped getting involved

If I stopped figuring everything out for everyone

If I stopped puppeting my world

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad

Letting people make their own decisions

Instead of deciding everything myself

#51967

She only has faith in love

And she's tried everything

She used to talk to God every night

She'd stay up late at nights and pray

She's been through all the religions she knows

And then she fell in love

She doesn't need anyone to talk to

And she doesn't have anything to ask for.

Because he's there, and that's all that matters.

#51959

Losing control. Learning to let go

So I'm going to let go of everything I don't want

I'm going to let go of my hold

Over everyone and everything in my life

Of everything I don't want

I'm going to let it all go

I'm going to lose control of it all

And it's going to be okay

#56324

She has stretchmarks on her dreams

Someone who always has to change for other people

Often finds that she must compromise herself

Her dreams must stretch

They must make room for others

And that's okay

It is her decision

But one day, she'll make her own dreams come true

#53894

The girl who plays with fire

That's me.

I'm the girl who never lets fear govern who am I

I play with things I shouldn't

I meddle with fate

I get involved in things that need to be left alone

And there's always some consequences

But some of them are good

So I'll keep playing with fire

#58766

I'm a hugger. Everyone hates it.

Oh yeah, that's me.

I'm the one you never want to be stuck next to

Who will hug you at every opportuniy

I'm the one who misses you when I don't get to touch you

Who likes being close to people.

And yeah, everyone hates it

But that's just me

#60646

Everything about him is perfectly beautiful.

He always knew what to say

And it was always the sweetest thing

Sometimes, she would be startled by what he said

Expecting him to say the perfect cliche

And then he'd say something better

But she got used to it

Him being perfect

And she could never give it up

#63427

Please love me despite my past

We all have a few skeletons in our closet

And sure, maybe mine are a little scarier than others

And maybe I need some help with them

And yes! That is intimidating!

But I don't ask for much

Some people have a lot to deal with

I just have some bumps on my road, that's all

Love me anyway?

Make a difference

I want you to care enough to want to make a difference

I want you to want to care enough to make a difference

---

Person One
I don't think you understand how much I need you and rely on you. You roll your eyes when someone mentions that, and I want you to just be ok with it. YOU MADE THE DECISION. And you continue to make that decision everyday. Don't complain because someone else is in pain right now AND THEY CAN'T BE WITH YOU THE WHOLE TIME. They have things they need to do, and feel. Things to make it hurt less. To cause less regrets.

---

Person Two
I had to leave. I can't stand it that you don't understand this. And I've tried to explain it to you, and it's not working. And that doesn't make me angry, it makes me sad. I'm disappointed in you. I want you to understand me. I thought you did. You did. You do. I know you do.

---

Person Three
I've made so many excuses for myself, none of them to you, even though it was you that I hurt. I'm making excuses to myself for why I've hurt you. And that's not fair to me, and it's definately not fair to you. And I'm sorry. But there is some merit to my excuses. My reasons. I'm sorry.

---

Humdizzle.
Eh, I need chocolate.
And I need someone to understand me.
Well, someone willing to put in the time. And read my mind.
I hate being so cryptic. But I'll never tell anyone what I mean. You have to dig. It means that at the end I know you've put in the effort, but it means that a lot of the time I'm just confusing.

Wish you were here,

Quizzle

LET'S PLAY FAMILY FEUD!!! YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO USE MY ANSWERS!!!!!!
Copy and paste message to a new note. Erase my answers and fill in your answers. Tag your friends and don't forget to send it back to me. Remember, you can't use the same answer as the person who sent it to you. Remember, if my answers are dumb, it's because the person before me had the good ones lol!!!!!

1. Name something you use in the shower?
--Shampoo

2. Name something a football player wears under his uniform?
--Underwear (hopefully)

3. Name something people hate to find on their windshield?
--Bird poo

4. Name something a man might buy before a date?
--Toothpaste

5. What is another word for blemish?
--flaw

6. Something you cook in the microwave?
--pasta

7. Name a piece of furniture people need help moving?
--plasma tv =)

8. Name a reason a younger man might like an older woman?
--money

9. Name something a dog does that embarrasses its owner?
--howl

10. Name a kind of test you cannot study for?
--Blood test

11. Name something a boy scout gets a badge for?
--Identifying plants

12. Name a phrase with the word home in it
--"home is where the heart is" :L:L

13. Name a sport where players lose teeth?
--Boxing

14. Name something a teacher can do to ruin a student's day?
--give them a bad mark for their english speech :L

15. What is a way you can tell someone has been crying?
--wet face

16. Name a bird you wouldn't want to eat?
--pigeon

17. Name something a person wears even if it has a hole in it?
--underwear. as in, it has holes =S

18. Name something that gets smaller the more you use it?
--toilet paper roll.

Famousness.

I have excitingimundo news.

Smithteens emailed me! And they told me I am for sure in the book =) and they're giving me a free copy =).
AND AND you know that video I was making a while back? I made you guys choose the memoir? I can be my own superhero?
Yeah, well, oh ssnappe, it is the memoir after Taylor Swift in the video. (Yes, I feel famous right now)

Anyways!! LINK to video. (awful song they used =S)

And tell me your favourite memoir. I'm curious.

~My kind of beautiful~

I'm just an insanely high little girl, who feels like sharing some thoughts.

I wish you would tell me what's wrong. You may not realise, but I worry about you too.

I think you are beautiful and I wish you could see what I see when I look at you.

I just wish you could be here when I need you. I know I need you a lot. But life hurts without you here. I'm sorry.

I wonder if you need me like I need you. Or if it's just nice to have me around.

I'm gonna say thankyou again. 3 times really isn't enough.

I love you.

Things I Like

I like it when every smile is worth a thousand frowns, and every compliment worth a million criticisms.
I like it when hugs are a currency, and affection is worth more than money.
I like it when people smile when they see their friends, or their family.
I like it when people jump into hugs, as if they can't bear to be away from each other for another second.
I like it when people smile from the words of others. A simple sentence can make them feel special, feel infinite.
I like it when someone randomly screams out "I love you!" when they see their friends, and they're not embarrassed to have other people hear it and think they're gay, cuz it's only important that the message gets across.
I like it when people apologise for things out of their control because they want you to feel better, and it's the only way they know how.
I like it when the sun comes out from behind the rain clouds, and the world glistens with colour and light.
I like it when I look at the clock and it's 11:11, and I know that other people are looking at their clock at that same time, and feeling a little bit of hope.
I like it when I get to stand next to you and feel beautiful.

Hope.

I was meant to blog Friday, but that never really happened...
So I decided to blog yesterday, but that never really happened...
So here I am now, to share with you my nice words of wisdom.

Hello, my name is Ebony, and it's getting easier to be okay with hard things in life. Things will always suck, and I will always lose people, both physically and mentally. I think I can be okay with that. It's hard for me, though, to not know whether or not they're going to stay.

Hello, my name is Ebony, and I'm going to change. I'm going to stop being annoying, critical, rude and ungrateful. I'm going to become the person I want to be. I'm not going to complain that I don't like myself, or that I wish things would change. I am going to change. Not wait for something else to. I will change.

Hello, my name is Ebony, and I deal better with things falling apart than staying together. When things go wronf, I know that people will always be there for me, I know that I can whinge and complain, and wake up in the morning and feel better. When things go right, all I have is myself. When things go right, I get lonely.

Hello, my name is Ebony, and I have hope. I have faith, I have inspiration, I have belief, I have knowledge, I have wisdom, and I have hope.

Hello, my name is Ebony, and I love myself. This comes as a bit of a shock to me, the girl who always hated what she had become. Now I see that, at some point in time, everything I did was what I waned, and at the end of the day, I can accept that. And I can know that this is the person I've intended to be.
I don't want to be anyone else but me. Maybe the way I got here was a little unconventional. Maybe I went too far, ran away from who I was, just for silly little fantasies, but I came crawling back. I got here eventually. And along the way, I go to see that little glimpse of the life I never want. I've seen it all. For the experience.

Hello, my name is Ebony, and every now and then, I feel helpless. I know there's nothing I canm do to change things, and I can't just let them go, because people around me are getting hurt. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. :/

Call me crazy.

Don't wonder why people go
crazy, wonder why they don't.
In the face of all we can lose in a
day, in an instant, wonder
what the hell it is that makes us
hold it all together.

---

Don't try to perfect;
just an excellent example
of being human.

---

When you look into my eyes
And you see the crazy gypsy in my soul
It always comes as a surprise
When I feel my withered roots about to grow
Well I never had a place that I could call my very own
That's alright, my love, cause you're my home

---

Some people hear their own
inner voices with great clearness.
And they live by what they hear.

---

I think scars are sexy
because it means you
made a mistake that
leads to a mess.

---

What we don't let out traps us.
We think, No one else feels this
way, I must be crazy.
So we don't say anything
And we become enveloped
by a deep loneliness, not
knowing where our feelings
come from or what to do with
them. Why do I feel this way?

---

If I'm crazy then it's true
That it's all because of you
And you wouldn't want
me any other way.

You may be right
I may be crazy
But it may just be a lunatic
you're looking for.

---

My next nervous breakdown is dedicated to you

---

I am not afraid of death. What's it going to do, kill me?

Ebony's Life Is Average.

First, there was FML.
Next, there was GMH.
Now, there is MLIA.
(If I'm a little slow on realising this, please don't tell me, I'll get sad)

Anyway, getting back to MLIA, it is very cool.
Well, it's funny.
And I laugh.
But then again, I'm lame.
Really lame.

When did this become about my lameness??
Moving on.

My Life Is Average. (If you are too lazy to click it, read some of these, and laugh, and then you'll want to click it. Or you won't be lame like me. And will stop yourself from clicking it. And never read my blog again. Your choice.)

Today, I went to Panda Express for lunch. The fortune cookie said "If you don't get your work done, blame it on the computer." Later that night, I didn't get my work done. I blamed it on the computer. It was a clever cookie. MLIA.

Today, I was sitting on the bus and this woman came in and looked at both me and the girl across from me and chose to sit beside me. I felt like I had won a secret competition. MLIA.

Today, my mom bought neon bandaids. I am more inclined to get hurt. MLIA.

Today, I noticed I had a small hole in the shirt I was wearing. It was old so I decided to rip open my shirt the way the Hulk does when he starts to transform. I'm 17, it was the most fun I've had all week. MLIA.

Today, while lying on the couch, I was watching a show that was basically mocking couch potatoes the whole time. So I moved onto the floor, and felt better about myself. MLIA.

Today, I noticed that a lot of people had facebook statuses about parties this weekend. I felt left out, so I changed my status to "party tonight!" and made my Sim throw a party. They'll never know. MLIA.

Today I went downstairs to turn the TV off, but my dog was watching it. So I just turned the volume down. MLIA.

Today there was an ant on my computer so I decided to change my cursor to an ant as well. I acted like a tough guy and had a great time bullying the real ant with my fake one. I think he knows who's boss now. MLIA.

Today, I noticed that the cereal I've been eating for the last two weeks is gluten free. I'm not really sure what gluten is, but I feel healthier. MLIA.

Today I was playing Baseball on the Wii. Then I looked out the window and saw my neighbour playing Baseball. I feel more technologically advanced than he is. MLIA.

Today I was using a public restroom and there was a sigb behind the toilet that said "don't flush with foot. $250 fine" I still flushed with my foot and received no fine. I felt like a bad ass. MLIA.

Today I became increasingly worried that my Sim was wasting her life by pining away for a married man and breaking up his marriage. Then I realised I had been playing six hours and had to admit who was really wasting their life. MLIA.

Today, I accidentally bought men's deoderant. A few hours later, I got a whiff and was attracted to myself. MLIA.

Today, I went to fetch some ice cream from the freezer. When I opened the container, I found that I had left a spoon in there. I thanked the me from the past for considering my future self. MLIA.

August.

I am 3:34 into my English speech. *claps*
And I actually like it. *cheers*
And I've decided I want to do it on the second day.
Well...
Hancock won't like me, so it has to be first 2 days. And first day is with Ms Young's replacement, but I dunoo who it will be. And Kolodziej really liked my speeches in year 8 (yes, back when Amy & I were teachers pets). But, I guess, he's so bloody moody.... it depends on how the Tigers go :L.

Oh, and it is August today, isn't that exciting???
It's my doggy's birthday on Friday.
He's turning 6! =O=O
So now he's old.
And soon I shall have to stop referring to him as "puppy".
But he's still small =)

Ok, I'm wasting time and I have things (including assignments) to do.
Goodbye sunshines!

Light years away, but you're right here

My mum just walked in and gave me $30.
Which is very kind of her.
And manages to pay back the credit I blew in the holidays (yes, I'm looking at you)

Hums.

----

Wes Carr = Awesome
I've been listening to his CD The Way The World Looks all afternoon.
And I love love LOVE the song Light Years (dodgy live version)

"Four hours you wake up
I wish thta I could be there
I lay awake while you're dreaming somewhere

So long
I wish I could hold on

You're light years
You're light yers
You're light years away
But you're right here"

----

So!

Gah, I feel all crappy again.
These stupid mood swings are killing me.
You know, I've cried myself to sleep for the past week straight.
Isn't that just pathetic?

And and, I don't even have a (good) reason. I'm just... pissed off. :L
Le sigh.

----

Why am I always so scared to tell people the truth?
When you ask me what's wrong, I shake my head, and hide my face.
You know something's different, but you don't know what.
And the people that do know what, aren't even important
What would you do if you knew?
Would you tell them to stop?
Tell them that every joke kills me?
Or would you laugh, like you do now?
Maybe you'd do neither
You'd hide your face with mine
But we'd have each other.
And it wouldn't be so lonely.

----

I've really gotta go now.
Wish you were here,

95er

(1) Shoe Size: 6.5 (I KNOW I have small feet, leave me alone!)
(2) Straight/gay/bi?: I don't know :L
(3) Single? Nop
(4) Want to be: Happy (I dunno what I was supposed to write)
(5) Your birth day: November 19. (national toilet day)
(6) Age You Wish You Were: 15, 8 months and 11 days. Oh wow!
(7) Your height: 5'5"
(9) The color of your eyes: Brown
(10) The color of your hair: Brown
(11) Piercings? Ears
(12) Tattoos? No

D O Y O U . . .

(13) Smoke? No
(14) Do drugs? No (Children's panadol and Listerine!!)
(15) Read the newspaper? Occasionally (only for footy updates to gloat over how well we're doing)
(16) Pray? Never
(17) Talk to strangers? Everyday
(18) Take walks in the rain? Yes =)
(19) Drive? Nope
(20) Like to drive fast? See above

H A V E Y O U E V E R . .

(21) Hurt yourself? Yes
(22) Been out of the country? No
(23) Been in love? Yes
(24) Done drugs? No
(25) Gone skinny dipping? No
(26) Had a surgery? No
(27) Ran away from home? No
(28) Played strip poker? Yes
(29) Gotten beaten up? No
(30) Been picked on? Yes
(31) Been on stage? Yes
(32) Slept outdoors? Yes
(33) Had a best friend? Yes
(34) Pulled an all-nighter? Yes
(35) If yes, what is your record? All night?
(36) Talked on the phone all night? No
(37) Slept together with the opposite sex without actually having sex? No
(38) Slept all day? No
(39) Killed someone? Not yet
(40) Made out with a stranger? No
(41) Had sex with a stranger? No
(42) Kissed the same sex? Lisa =D
(43) Done anything sexual with the same sex? Yes
(44) Been betrayed? Yes
(45) Broken the law? No
(46) Met a famous person? No
(47) Been on radio/TV ? Yes,
(48) Been in a mosh-pit? Yes
(49) Had a nervous breakdown? Yes
(50) Been criticized about your sexual performance? No
(51) Had a dream that kept coming back? No
(52) Shoe brand? Isn't this 'have you ever'?
(53) What are you normally wearing to school/work? Uniform
(54) Wear hats? No
(55) Judge other people by their clothing? No
(56) Wear make-up? Only at work
(57) Favorite places to shop? Coles
(58) Favorite article of clothing? My jeans (that smell like you =))
(59) Are you trendy? No

B E L I E F S

(60) Believe in life on other planets?: No
(61) Miracles?: Yes
(62) Astrology? No
(63) Magic?: *resists urge to sing* no
(64) God?: Not sure
(65) Satan?: No
(67) Ghosts?: No
(68) Luck?: Yes
(69) Love at first sight?: No
(70) Yin and Yang?: Hmm?
(71) Witches?: No
(72) Easter bunny?: No
(73) Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?: Yes
(74) Believe there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?: Only if you're there ;)
(75) Do you wish on stars? Yes

L O V E and all that J A Z Z

(76) Did you get frightened or uncomfortable seeing that as a section title?: Yes
(77) Do you remember your first love?: Yes
(78) Still love him/her?: No
(79) Do you consider love a mistake? Never
(80) What do you find romantic: Many things
(81) Turn-on? Intelligence
(82) Turn-off? Uhm, not intelligent?
(83) Do you base your judgement on looks alone: No
(84) Have you ever wished it was more "socially acceptable" for a girl to ask a guy out?: No, it's too scary
(85) Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive?: No
(86) Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking? I dunno
(87) What is best about the opposite sex? When they say something nice and it's totally unexpected (because they're in the process of being a total jackass) and then you smile all day.
(88) What's the last present someone gave you? My mum bought me choc chip cookie mix
(89) Are you in love? …yeah… i think i am

W H O W A S T H E L A S T P E R S O N . . .

(90) You laughed at? Probably Victor
(91) Make you cry? Mum/Dad
(92) Hold your hand? Someone at sport yesterday?
(93) Tell you a joke? AB?
(94) Tell you they loved you? Victor
(95) Call you?: Corinne's mum?

A mediocre Wednesday

Today is a Wednesday.

And Wednesdays, by definition, are good days.

But today has been one of those medicore Wednesdays.

When you can pinpoint the times you've had fun, and smiled

But by the time you get home from school, you're crying.

You're beautiful, but you don't know

Can't see what's there inside your soul

Always feeling like you're not good enough

You wish you could be someone else

Sometimes you just can't see yourself

But I can see just who you are

I wrote our initials in led pencil at the train station on my way to work.

They may wash off, but they may stay there forever.

And no one but us will ever know they're there.

I don't know what it is that you've done to me

But it's caused me to act in such a crazy way

Whatever it is that you do when you do what you're doing

It's a feeling that I want to stay

I get high off your smell

Whenever I'm near you, I'm ecsatically happy

And whenever I'm not, I'm sad

And the smell of you makes me hungry =D

(No Amy, you cannot eat my children)

I'd write a long love song with no meaning and hope that nobody would hear

A life of filter coffee and dreaming, dreaming

Never thought that anyone could change my view

But everything looks different when I'm looking around with you.

Glad you took the time to say hello, hello

Now I don't ever wanna let you go

I'm always scared when I say something that could hurt you

Because I never want to hurt you

But I might

And it haunts me everyday, that I might hurt you

And never be able to live with myself again

I wanna be perfect, but I'm me

I wanna be flawless, but you see

Every little crack

Every chip, every dent

Every little mistake

I wanna be perfect

Just like you

Those days

I guess you could say it's been one of those days.
Well, it started as one of those days.
I don't actually remember the morning all that well, aside from Crancher and Hancock both telling me off for nearly falling asleep in class.
But I wasn't sleeping, I was thinking.
And I didn't really improve over recess, although my friends got me in a better mood.
But in drama, I was all thinky again.

-----

And I had a conversation in drama that made me realise how sick I am of hiding everything about myself from the world. Especially from my best friends.
You wanna know the real answer?
IT'S TOO LATE FOR ME!!! I am beyond help now. And I can't take it back, any of it. I don't get to make the decisions you do, other people made them for me.
Le sigh, I really am gonna tell someone one day.

-----

The day got better somewhere in periods 3 & 4. And the rest of it was a pretty blur.
(Yes, I described PE as a pretty blur)

And then I got home.
And it was all good, we had family friends over, and we were talking about random stuff, and everyone was all happy.
But, I dunno, there's something missing in my family. It feels like we're divided now. It's hard to be friends with everyone.

And, I need them. I really do. It's taken me a while to realise, but I rely on my family for so much. And they've gotten to the point where they don't really care anymore. And I need them to care. I really need them to care.

-----

Anyways, I'm gonna go and stop wasting time now.
I'll blog tomorrow, I guess.

Wish you were here,

Back to school.

This is it.
The end of the holidays.
No more.
(Yes, I've decided to write this at the last possible opportunity)

And I've spent my time well this holidays (unlike nina)

I did, not quite half of the homework I wanted to. (Well, I did two thirds if you don't include AG assignment [which, of course, I won't])
I spent ++ time with my family. Going to city, radom places for birthdays, and working heaps with Nikki/Mum.
I spent ++++ time on MSN. I'm just cool like that.
I slept enough. Well, not really, but almost.
I spent 3 days moping around being sad and lonely :L
I actually played with my Sims. For the first time in forever.

And I've nearly caught up to that day that I missed blogging. Well, if I blog this afternoon I will have.
So yeah, yay for holidays!


Humdizzles.
I should go to school... soon.
But the sooner I get up, the sooner I get to school, the sooner I have double P.E. And that is just not worth the risk.

Hmm, WOULD put lyrics here, but can't be bothered to write them out.
So I guess this is it then.
And then back to school.
Can't wait!!!

Happy Love Drugs.

Hello sunshines,
Today has been another happy day.
Yesterday was a very happy day too. I went a tiny bit high. (Tiny bit being huge)
Anyways, I'm just blogging because, well, I don't often blog when I'm feeling this happy. In fact, I don't often feel this happy.
But the thing is, it's not like I'm any different. And if you're just talking to me on MSN, I don't say anything differently than normal. I just... I'm just smiling.
And even though I'm having some very depressiveful conversations right now, I'm still smiling. And I'm still happy.

Nikki: "Are you taking drugs or something?"
Mum: "How would we even know?"

-----

Little rants:

1. I know your opinion of me will morph as I tell you more about myself. You always seem a little shocked when I tell you about the old me. I guess, everyone does.

2. I really hate it when you treat me like I don't understand anything. I don't want to talk to you anymore. =(

3. You're so silly sometimes, always underestimating me. And it annoys me. But I like it when you figure it out.

-----

SCHOOL TOMORROW!!!
=)=)=)=)
(and we will try not to think about the english/ag assignments until at least the weekend)

Procrastination Extraordinaire

There are many things seriously wrong with me.

:L Acceptance is the first step (Y)

1. I can't seem to spend money. Other than on food. I don't like buying stuff. Today I went shopping, and decided that I needed to spend money on myself. And it took me half an hour to find something. Admittedly, I spent most of that half hour keeping my sister away from shoe shops, but still. Eventually, I bought myself a honey jade necklace, that will bring me happiness and joy <33.

2. I am awfully ungrateful about a lot of things. I mean, I whinge and whinge about problems that I only have because I'm so lucky. And then people I'm whinging too, they are actually sympathetic, that's how awesome everyone I know is. And I'm still ungrateful about it.

3. This sounds retarded (unless you know me really well), but I have self esteem issues. I'm not gonna go into that, because no on will believe me anyways, but yeah.

4. I am addicted to my computer. More than I should be. I have a lot of websites that I visit religiously, every day, some multiple times. Things like smithteens, blogger, gmh, operation beautiful, postsecret. I'm just addicted.

5. I have a really tiny attention span. I've been writing this blog for 30 minutes now. I SHOULD be doing my speech. And I am. Between writing this and talking to people and reading memoirs, and listening to music.

OK, that's all I can be bothered to write. Because, well, I REALLY should be doing the English assignment. And I have done a lot. As in, more than two sentences. I just have paragraphs that merely say "something something propaganda something something" but it's a START.

Ciao, everybody. I shall write again eventually.

Wish you were here,