OK, my story at the top of my blogs can only go so far before I actually give the characters names.
So, as of today, I am going to write character profiles for the main characters
Elle Scott (you have no idea it took me to come up with that name!)
Main character – story is told from her perspective.
Lives with mother (Rebecca), father (Andrew), younger sister (Chloe) and pet dog – Jack.
Loosely based around me - very, very loosely. As in, almost not even there, and yet, I bothered mentioning it, so there to some extent.
Physical description: Very, very average. Medium brown, shoulder length hair. Medium height. Brown eyes – very expressive. She’s nice looking, not overly gorgeous or anything, just, pleasant – it’s very humbling. (:L)
Emotional description: She knows what’s going on – intuitive, if you will. She finds herself easily hurt, but she can always figure out a way to fix it. She has a hot temper, hot in that it is harsh, but it takes a lot for her to lose it.
Social description: Has one main friend whom you will meet later as she doesn’t have a name yet. Socialises well with other people – but appreciates time spent alone.
Stay tuned for a desciption of Luke Moore.
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Part 1’s 6 words: Nothing more beautiful than broken, right? – coulda.been.a.comet
A lot of people around me have been broken lately.
And a lot of people in my life have broken others.
I guess, I’m just sick of it.
I don’t understand why people can’t just get along, why everything is complex.
I don’t understand why people blame themselves for things they didn’t do.
I don’t understand why people can’t talk it out, and fix it.
I don’t understand why people assume things of others without checking if it’s true.
Why do people think they know better? They don’t!
“You don’t understand cuz you’re not me”
Yeah, but I’ve been you. I know you think that I’m stupid and I don’t understand anything, but I’ve seen it all.
I’ve seen friends drift apart because of boys, exam marks, parents, and other friends. I’ve seen people fight because of misunderstandings, and I’ve seen people in pain over things they’ve imagined.
I don’t like seeing people hurt so much, but they won’t talk to me about it. I try so hard to let them know I’m here, but I feel if I bring it up, I’m prying.
I wish people could just be friends. I wish I could go back to kindergarten, where sharing crayons made you lifelong pals. I wish a smile could fix a friendship. I wish memories actually meant something, and that people actually remembered. I wish everything was different…
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Part 2’s 6 words: Everything reminds me of you, always. – Esalamy
I don’t want you guys (readers)to know who this is about, but I need to get this out. So try not to figure it out. Read if you wish, but speak of it to no one. =)
I thought… it would stop hurting. I thought that moving on would mean something. I thought time could heal all wounds. But… I wasn’t ready to move on.
I fought myself to forget you, I tried so hard to pretend you meant nothing.
You were my life. Truly. My everything. When you lose your everything, what is left? Nothingness.
And amidst my nothingness, I found a something. Then I convinced myself that something could be an everything. I tried so hard to make that something an everything, and I succumbed to my wishes.
By when I lost my something, it was only an echo of what I felt when I lost you.
It made me realise how powerful we were.
I finally felt like me when I was with you.
You were wonderful enough to love my perks, and stupid enough to love my quirks.
Every part of my being loved you, wholly and passionately.
I still miss what we were, and what we could have been. I’ve been thinking so much more about us lately. I’ve finally gotten over you, and I’m letting myself miss you. Miss everything you were to me.
So I’m not still in love with you, and I don’t still wish you were mine. Everything I see reminds me of you, but I’m finally okay with that.
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Part 3’s 6 words: Stephenie Meyer has improved my vocabulary. – Ebony =)
Okay, so after reading the Twilight series (several times), I have realized something.
My vocabulary is shit!!
Seriously, half the words she used, I couldn’t even pronounce! My sister read the books along with her dictionary, but I refused to sink to such levels!! So, half the books made so sense (:L).
Anywho…
I have decided that, my vocabulary being shit and all, I will learn new words!!
You know, all those words in the dictionary that no one uses, but they make you feel smart that you know what they mean.
Yeah, them, I’m gonna start learning what they all mean.
Today’s smarticle word: mendacious
Oh, but Ebony, what does this word mean? And why the hell do you care??
This word means: Telling lies, especially habitually; dishonest, lying, untruthful.
I care because: …I can’t remember where, but I saw it somewhere and I thought, crap, I wonder what that means. =)
So, in the future, maybe we shall all become more smarticle
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Part 4’s 6 words: We Write Because We Have To. – LoveMeEasy
And JUST IN CASE you’re really bored, and have read the whole blog and are searching for more.
There is this really pretty 6 word memoir written by ‘kiwi’.
YEAH! GO THE SOUTHERN HEMISPHERE!!
Anyway, it really touched me, as did ALLL of the associated comments.
Here’s the link.
And I’m not even gonna tell you what it is! Cuz I want you to click the link! Click it! Click it!!
My blog is over!! So go and see the 6 words that made my day back on October 16.
LEAVE!!!(and click the link).
Saturday, 8 November 2008
Friday, 7 November 2008
I have a lot to say today
"Hello???"
My eyes refocused as my hed snapped up to look at her. She looked a little anxious, but I continued to gaze absently at her.
"What you looking at?" She asked with a smile as her eyes followed the path mine had been on seconds earlier. I tried to shake my head so she wouldn't look, but I realised it was too late. The smile slid from her face as comprehension dawned, she knew it was him.
"Oh right" she looked uncomfortable that she'd seen something she knew was so personal to me.
"I'm sorry" I still felt that this my fault. After all, it most probably was.
"Don't apologise" she paused "You can't help it" she mumbled, as she looked away.
She had a point. It was difficult for me to resist looking for him everyday. Difficult not to know where he was at every second, she knew it made me anxious.
"Still sorry though" I felt so bad, I never gave her a second thought, he had become my life now.
"Yeah, I know" and we continued to eat in silence.
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Part 1's 6 words: I've taken residence inside my books. - angelica
I just wanna blog about New Moon again.
Go away if you’re sick of my twilightis.
OK, Bella? Dearest, darling, silly silly girl. See that guy over there, Jacob? Yeah? He’s perfect for you. And Edward? He let you go. That’s because he is an IDIOT!
He thinks he’s in love with you cuz he heard you say his name when you were asleep. You think you’re in love with him, because he FINALLY started talking to you again.
Jacob wants to be there for you. Actually have a conversation with you. Spend time with you without wanting to suck your blood. He wants to love you. He thinks you can be divine, and it’s hurting him that you won’t give him a chance.
So, Edward? Even if he does come back (as we all know he will, cuz this is a storybook, not reality), he’s not worth it. Because he thought you would be better off if he left. Prove him right.
He never really loved you, just as you never really loved him. What you thought was love, was merely attraction, and he didn’t deserve for you to think of him as you did. You know you love Jacob. Deep down, you know that you two can be extraordinary. Let him love you too.
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New Moon Part Over.
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Part 2's 6 words: Nobody's judging you now. Just write. - October
OK, a big hello!!! To all the really cool people who have started 6 word memoir accounts, even if you've only posted a few times, you guys are fully rocking my socks right now.
And even if, at first, you find it hard to post your deepest darkest secrets on the Internet, one day, you'll try it, and probably get feautured, and from then on, you won't be afraid. So take it in your stride, learn from other people, enjoy the anonymity of it.
Keep in mind:
There are people out there that have it harder than you, never diss someone for what they think.
People love comments; comment lots, let people know when you enjoy their work.
Someone in that beautiful teen community feels the exact same way about something as you, let it out, so they won't feel so alone.
And of course, you will start thinking in 6 words. This is one of the mant hazards of going on the site too much. But use it! Think everything in 6 words, publish it, and you will have a beautiful documentation of your every thought.
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Part 3's 6 words: Let's say I AM two people... - Shadowesque
Ever have that feeling, where you don't know what to do...
And it's like, you have 2 options.
The Angel
and the Devil
(couldnt you just hear those capitals?)
You know that you should choose the angel.
You know that the angel is the right thing to do.
It's tempting to choose the angel.
You know that you might choose the devil.
The devil will make you happier.
It's tempting to choose the devil.
And then, sometimes, you don't even know which one is which.
Because, sometimes, the options you have, they're both wrong!
There's no black and white, they're grey.
How do you figure out which decision to make?
When both could be so wrong.
Do you do what's right for yourself, or those around you.
Should you sacrifise your well-being to make someone happy?
Do you do what's right for friends or family.
Which takes priority, your heart or your soul?
And the all important:
Do I will do what feels right to me? The option that will make more people happy? The option that puts smiles on faces.
Or do I choose to listen to people giving me advice? The option that hurts people, that hurts me, but is better for me.
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THE END.
My eyes refocused as my hed snapped up to look at her. She looked a little anxious, but I continued to gaze absently at her.
"What you looking at?" She asked with a smile as her eyes followed the path mine had been on seconds earlier. I tried to shake my head so she wouldn't look, but I realised it was too late. The smile slid from her face as comprehension dawned, she knew it was him.
"Oh right" she looked uncomfortable that she'd seen something she knew was so personal to me.
"I'm sorry" I still felt that this my fault. After all, it most probably was.
"Don't apologise" she paused "You can't help it" she mumbled, as she looked away.
She had a point. It was difficult for me to resist looking for him everyday. Difficult not to know where he was at every second, she knew it made me anxious.
"Still sorry though" I felt so bad, I never gave her a second thought, he had become my life now.
"Yeah, I know" and we continued to eat in silence.
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Part 1's 6 words: I've taken residence inside my books. - angelica
I just wanna blog about New Moon again.
Go away if you’re sick of my twilightis.
OK, Bella? Dearest, darling, silly silly girl. See that guy over there, Jacob? Yeah? He’s perfect for you. And Edward? He let you go. That’s because he is an IDIOT!
He thinks he’s in love with you cuz he heard you say his name when you were asleep. You think you’re in love with him, because he FINALLY started talking to you again.
Jacob wants to be there for you. Actually have a conversation with you. Spend time with you without wanting to suck your blood. He wants to love you. He thinks you can be divine, and it’s hurting him that you won’t give him a chance.
So, Edward? Even if he does come back (as we all know he will, cuz this is a storybook, not reality), he’s not worth it. Because he thought you would be better off if he left. Prove him right.
He never really loved you, just as you never really loved him. What you thought was love, was merely attraction, and he didn’t deserve for you to think of him as you did. You know you love Jacob. Deep down, you know that you two can be extraordinary. Let him love you too.
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New Moon Part Over.
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Part 2's 6 words: Nobody's judging you now. Just write. - October
OK, a big hello!!! To all the really cool people who have started 6 word memoir accounts, even if you've only posted a few times, you guys are fully rocking my socks right now.
And even if, at first, you find it hard to post your deepest darkest secrets on the Internet, one day, you'll try it, and probably get feautured, and from then on, you won't be afraid. So take it in your stride, learn from other people, enjoy the anonymity of it.
Keep in mind:
There are people out there that have it harder than you, never diss someone for what they think.
People love comments; comment lots, let people know when you enjoy their work.
Someone in that beautiful teen community feels the exact same way about something as you, let it out, so they won't feel so alone.
And of course, you will start thinking in 6 words. This is one of the mant hazards of going on the site too much. But use it! Think everything in 6 words, publish it, and you will have a beautiful documentation of your every thought.
---------------------------------------------------
Part 3's 6 words: Let's say I AM two people... - Shadowesque
Ever have that feeling, where you don't know what to do...
And it's like, you have 2 options.
The Angel
and the Devil
(couldnt you just hear those capitals?)
You know that you should choose the angel.
You know that the angel is the right thing to do.
It's tempting to choose the angel.
You know that you might choose the devil.
The devil will make you happier.
It's tempting to choose the devil.
And then, sometimes, you don't even know which one is which.
Because, sometimes, the options you have, they're both wrong!
There's no black and white, they're grey.
How do you figure out which decision to make?
When both could be so wrong.
Do you do what's right for yourself, or those around you.
Should you sacrifise your well-being to make someone happy?
Do you do what's right for friends or family.
Which takes priority, your heart or your soul?
And the all important:
Do I will do what feels right to me? The option that will make more people happy? The option that puts smiles on faces.
Or do I choose to listen to people giving me advice? The option that hurts people, that hurts me, but is better for me.
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THE END.
Thursday, 6 November 2008
NaBloPoMo2008
NO STORY =O
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Today’s 6 words: I’m not jealous, I just care – soulcages
Guess what month it is in America????
You: November!!
ME: WRONG!!!!
It’s national blog posting month!!! (NaBloPoMo2008)
Which means????
Many American bloggers have taken it upon themselves to blog EVERYDAY for a month! Every day of November!!!
So I have decided that I am SICK AND TIRED of Americans always thinking that they are better than everyone else! And I have taken it upon myself to ATTEMPT to blog EveryDay for November, proving that Aussies are JUSTASCOOL.
Problemo: Camp.
On the 18th/19th of November, I will not have access to a computer. =O
So, I will continue blogging through the beginning of December, sorry guys, that’s the best I can do.
Unless I get someone to guest blog… but I’m not that sad.
So, yeah. I will blog all month.
Keep in mind, you don’t have to read it. It will just be there.
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Today’s 6 words: I’m not jealous, I just care – soulcages
Guess what month it is in America????
You: November!!
ME: WRONG!!!!
It’s national blog posting month!!! (NaBloPoMo2008)
Which means????
Many American bloggers have taken it upon themselves to blog EVERYDAY for a month! Every day of November!!!
So I have decided that I am SICK AND TIRED of Americans always thinking that they are better than everyone else! And I have taken it upon myself to ATTEMPT to blog EveryDay for November, proving that Aussies are JUSTASCOOL.
Problemo: Camp.
On the 18th/19th of November, I will not have access to a computer. =O
So, I will continue blogging through the beginning of December, sorry guys, that’s the best I can do.
Unless I get someone to guest blog… but I’m not that sad.
So, yeah. I will blog all month.
Keep in mind, you don’t have to read it. It will just be there.
Wednesday, 5 November 2008
Thriving Violet
“But we’re friends”
I hated it when she guilted me like that. Sure, we’re friends, but there are some things she wouldn’t understand, even if I told her.
“I know, I know, it’s just…” Tell her the truth, come on you can do it! Say it!
“Just…?” She looked ready to contradict whatever I said
“Complicated” I answered.
She glowered at me “complicated?” she asked disbelievingly.I knew it would be like that. Everytime I try to explain, she dismisses me, sometimes it really makes me question our friendship. But I know she’s just concerned about me, my behaviour had certainly been a little off lately.
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Hmmm,
I actually have some of substance to talk about today.
Inspired by ‘Thriving Violet’.
I know, I know, you guys will get sick of me continually getting blogmaterial from 6word memoir site, but you’ll forgive me, and I will continue to tax it J
Ok, so here is what ‘Thriving Violet’ had to say for herself.
The storm is calming. Or eye?
Very clever, no?
And, although it would have been better in more than 6 words, it definitely gets the point across, the point I am trying to make. Which is: Is my life actually getting better? Happier? Cooler? More fulfilling? OR is this just the middle of something bigger??
Something to think about, no?
Because, today, well… this morning, things were looking cool. I thought that it was all good, that I had nothing to worry about. And then, in class and even at recess/lunch, things started sucking again. And I don’t even know why. So I’m just wondering, is the storm calming? Or is this just the eye?
I hated it when she guilted me like that. Sure, we’re friends, but there are some things she wouldn’t understand, even if I told her.
“I know, I know, it’s just…” Tell her the truth, come on you can do it! Say it!
“Just…?” She looked ready to contradict whatever I said
“Complicated” I answered.
She glowered at me “complicated?” she asked disbelievingly.I knew it would be like that. Everytime I try to explain, she dismisses me, sometimes it really makes me question our friendship. But I know she’s just concerned about me, my behaviour had certainly been a little off lately.
-----------------------------------------------
Hmmm,
I actually have some of substance to talk about today.
Inspired by ‘Thriving Violet’.
I know, I know, you guys will get sick of me continually getting blogmaterial from 6word memoir site, but you’ll forgive me, and I will continue to tax it J
Ok, so here is what ‘Thriving Violet’ had to say for herself.
The storm is calming. Or eye?
Very clever, no?
And, although it would have been better in more than 6 words, it definitely gets the point across, the point I am trying to make. Which is: Is my life actually getting better? Happier? Cooler? More fulfilling? OR is this just the middle of something bigger??
Something to think about, no?
Because, today, well… this morning, things were looking cool. I thought that it was all good, that I had nothing to worry about. And then, in class and even at recess/lunch, things started sucking again. And I don’t even know why. So I’m just wondering, is the storm calming? Or is this just the eye?
Tuesday, 4 November 2008
041108
I don’t know that I was necessarily angry, just, perhaps, a little annoyed. Mainly with myself. Mainly for not knowing how I felt about him.
I mean, sure, he was nice, kind, funny, good-looking, and already in love with me. I just didn’t know if that was enough. I had this habit of giving all of myself, all of the time, and I still couldn’t figure out if I was yet over _____.
And even if I was, did that mean I automatically needed to enter another relationship? In fact, did I really need to care about guys at all?
But still, I felt I had to choose – one or the other. Which one was the best? Which one was the right decision?
“It doesn’t matter!” I sternly told myself aloud. I didn’t need to like one or the other, I could swear off guys for a little while.
“Then why do you care?” I asked myself.
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Today’s 6 words:
Just a face in the crowd – coulda.been.a.comet
Life is nice right now. I think I’m slowly becoming self-actualised. It’s a good feeling.
Friends: my group is improving, beginning to feel more like a group again, especially this week. I think we’ll be ok, I hope we’re all good by the time camp comes. Some of still have unresolved issues, but I’m pretty sure we’ll all make it out alive.
All outside of group friendships are improving for me. Which is very good. People are getting happier, problems are getting smaller, things are looking up. :)
Family: We’re just as tight as ever. My sis won $24 in Melbourne Cup. Family is bonding over diets (:L) and Australian Idol. Mum’s been working weekends and nights lately, so not home as much as usual, but it’ll be okay, she’s not working tonight… maybe we’ll play cards :)
School: Teachers are piling in homework, which I will do once done here, but I’m starting to pay attention in class. I care about doing well, probably because all my exam marks were so bad. I keep thinking I’m gonna get an okay one, and then BAM! Under 70%. *sigh
Love: not even worth mentioning, but it’s one of the four lives, so I will. Pretty dead, really. Very confusing… I dunno, it just is.
Overall: I'm ahppy, and maybe I don't even have a reason. But I'm smiling on the inside, and that's good enough for me.
I mean, sure, he was nice, kind, funny, good-looking, and already in love with me. I just didn’t know if that was enough. I had this habit of giving all of myself, all of the time, and I still couldn’t figure out if I was yet over _____.
And even if I was, did that mean I automatically needed to enter another relationship? In fact, did I really need to care about guys at all?
But still, I felt I had to choose – one or the other. Which one was the best? Which one was the right decision?
“It doesn’t matter!” I sternly told myself aloud. I didn’t need to like one or the other, I could swear off guys for a little while.
“Then why do you care?” I asked myself.
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Today’s 6 words:
Just a face in the crowd – coulda.been.a.comet
Life is nice right now. I think I’m slowly becoming self-actualised. It’s a good feeling.
Friends: my group is improving, beginning to feel more like a group again, especially this week. I think we’ll be ok, I hope we’re all good by the time camp comes. Some of still have unresolved issues, but I’m pretty sure we’ll all make it out alive.
All outside of group friendships are improving for me. Which is very good. People are getting happier, problems are getting smaller, things are looking up. :)
Family: We’re just as tight as ever. My sis won $24 in Melbourne Cup. Family is bonding over diets (:L) and Australian Idol. Mum’s been working weekends and nights lately, so not home as much as usual, but it’ll be okay, she’s not working tonight… maybe we’ll play cards :)
School: Teachers are piling in homework, which I will do once done here, but I’m starting to pay attention in class. I care about doing well, probably because all my exam marks were so bad. I keep thinking I’m gonna get an okay one, and then BAM! Under 70%. *sigh
Love: not even worth mentioning, but it’s one of the four lives, so I will. Pretty dead, really. Very confusing… I dunno, it just is.
Overall: I'm ahppy, and maybe I don't even have a reason. But I'm smiling on the inside, and that's good enough for me.
Monday, 3 November 2008
I'd Lie - Taylor Swift
You were like, gone, all last week
Your sister: My brother is really really sick
Thanks, that wasn't at all unsettling
Considering you'd been away for most the week, and when you came back on Wednesday, it was only for HALF THE DAY! bludger.
And then ur mummy picked you up. lucky...
i sorta just want to know if you're ok
I miss you, and I'm worried about you.
Which sounds stupid, but is true.
Stil away today... still miss you...
Please... just come back, and look OK. Not like last week. Look healthy again.
I don’t think that passenger seat
Has ever looked this good to me
He tells me about his night
And I count the colors in his eyes
He’ll never fall in love he swears
As he runs his fingers through his hair
I’m laughing cause I hope he's wrong
I don't think it ever crossed his mind
He tells a joke I fake a smile
That I know all his favorite songs
And..
[chorus:]
I could tell you his favorite color's green
He loves to argue, born on the seventeenth
His sister's beautiful, he has his father’s eyes
And if you asked me if I love him,
I’d lie
He looks around the room
Innocently overlooks the truth
Shouldn’t a light go on?
Doesn’t he know that I’ve had him memorized for so long?
He sees everything black and white
Never let nobody see him cry
I don’t let nobody see me wishing he was mine
[chorus]
He stands there then walks away
My god if I could only say
I’m holding every breath for you...
He’d never tell you but he can play guitar
I think he can see through everything
But my heart
First thought when I wake up is
My god he’s beautiful
So I put on my make up
And pray for a miracle
Yes I could tell you his favorite color's green
He loves to argue oh and it kills me
His sister's beautiful he has his father’s eyes
And if you asked me if I love him
If you asked me if I love him
I’d lie
Your sister: My brother is really really sick
Thanks, that wasn't at all unsettling
Considering you'd been away for most the week, and when you came back on Wednesday, it was only for HALF THE DAY! bludger.
And then ur mummy picked you up. lucky...
i sorta just want to know if you're ok
I miss you, and I'm worried about you.
Which sounds stupid, but is true.
Stil away today... still miss you...
Please... just come back, and look OK. Not like last week. Look healthy again.
I don’t think that passenger seat
Has ever looked this good to me
He tells me about his night
And I count the colors in his eyes
He’ll never fall in love he swears
As he runs his fingers through his hair
I’m laughing cause I hope he's wrong
I don't think it ever crossed his mind
He tells a joke I fake a smile
That I know all his favorite songs
And..
[chorus:]
I could tell you his favorite color's green
He loves to argue, born on the seventeenth
His sister's beautiful, he has his father’s eyes
And if you asked me if I love him,
I’d lie
He looks around the room
Innocently overlooks the truth
Shouldn’t a light go on?
Doesn’t he know that I’ve had him memorized for so long?
He sees everything black and white
Never let nobody see him cry
I don’t let nobody see me wishing he was mine
[chorus]
He stands there then walks away
My god if I could only say
I’m holding every breath for you...
He’d never tell you but he can play guitar
I think he can see through everything
But my heart
First thought when I wake up is
My god he’s beautiful
So I put on my make up
And pray for a miracle
Yes I could tell you his favorite color's green
He loves to argue oh and it kills me
His sister's beautiful he has his father’s eyes
And if you asked me if I love him
If you asked me if I love him
I’d lie
Sunday, 2 November 2008
6 word memoirs
“Why did you say no?”
He asked such a simple question, but I couldn’t truthfully answer.
The truth would be – ‘because I KNOW that you don’t mean it, that you think you love me but in a few months time you’ll break my heart. I KNOW you’re NOT different; you’ll hurt me too. I KNOW that I can’t live through that again, I’m still broken from the last guy. I KNOW you’ll walk away from this unscathed, whilst I fall apart’ So what did I say?
“You’re too good for me”
I actually think I did a good job with that line, because it was almost true, yet still, the complete opposite of the truth. You’re too good for me because I’m still broken, but I’m too good for you because I know I deserve someone better.
But he didn’t see the lie or the truth, he saw me thinking he was magnificent, that I was unworthy. And whilst that was the furthest thing from my mind, he planted the thought, and from then on, I truly believed he was better than me.
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Ok, I told you guys briefly about 6 word memoirs, on my last blog, yes? Some of you may have been tempted to check it out and read some cool thoughts, for the rest, allow me to tell you more.
Your life in 6 words. Simple, really, tell everyone everything, in just 6 words.
It’s like postsecret, but shorter. Now, just to get you guys just as addicted as me, I will share with you, some memoirs. Some of the cooler ones:
Sorry, I can only be me.
Just a girl, finding her way.
Hope is what keeps me smiling.
Crying is good for the soul.
I am sixteen going on seven
Life was over. Then you happened.
Listening to music gives me life.
The acne’s a joke, right God???
My day shines; thoughts of you.
There is a reason for everything.
Soon youth will be no excuse.
I'm all about hugs and high-fives
High school: "this too shall pass."
My heart's yours. Make a decision!
“To Santa,
Just him...
Thanks,
Anna.”
No-one wanted to dance with me
Let me pretend you broke me.
I know, I make it worse....
I'm really hoping he is asleep...
You hate. I love. That hurts.
I play my life, a song.
i wished upon a shooting star...
it's only magic if you believe
Once upon a time…never mind.
you care. you're just acting. right?
I like boys. So does he.
Because I think you're my destiny.
Sometimes, it helps to have faith.
He's the mirror every girl wants.
Butterflie were hideous once, have hope.
Without darkness, there is no light.
I know, I know, there’s a lot. But PLEASE read them all, they’re very good, and see if you can figure out which one I wrote ;)
ANYWHO. From now on, ill probably stick a 6-word-memoir on each of my blogs/ use one as name/pm. I like them, they are pretty.
And now you actually know what I’m talking about when I use them.
So, make an account! And add to them!!
And see if I use yours ;)
Im out!
He asked such a simple question, but I couldn’t truthfully answer.
The truth would be – ‘because I KNOW that you don’t mean it, that you think you love me but in a few months time you’ll break my heart. I KNOW you’re NOT different; you’ll hurt me too. I KNOW that I can’t live through that again, I’m still broken from the last guy. I KNOW you’ll walk away from this unscathed, whilst I fall apart’ So what did I say?
“You’re too good for me”
I actually think I did a good job with that line, because it was almost true, yet still, the complete opposite of the truth. You’re too good for me because I’m still broken, but I’m too good for you because I know I deserve someone better.
But he didn’t see the lie or the truth, he saw me thinking he was magnificent, that I was unworthy. And whilst that was the furthest thing from my mind, he planted the thought, and from then on, I truly believed he was better than me.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ok, I told you guys briefly about 6 word memoirs, on my last blog, yes? Some of you may have been tempted to check it out and read some cool thoughts, for the rest, allow me to tell you more.
Your life in 6 words. Simple, really, tell everyone everything, in just 6 words.
It’s like postsecret, but shorter. Now, just to get you guys just as addicted as me, I will share with you, some memoirs. Some of the cooler ones:
Sorry, I can only be me.
Just a girl, finding her way.
Hope is what keeps me smiling.
Crying is good for the soul.
I am sixteen going on seven
Life was over. Then you happened.
Listening to music gives me life.
The acne’s a joke, right God???
My day shines; thoughts of you.
There is a reason for everything.
Soon youth will be no excuse.
I'm all about hugs and high-fives
High school: "this too shall pass."
My heart's yours. Make a decision!
“To Santa,
Just him...
Thanks,
Anna.”
No-one wanted to dance with me
Let me pretend you broke me.
I know, I make it worse....
I'm really hoping he is asleep...
You hate. I love. That hurts.
I play my life, a song.
i wished upon a shooting star...
it's only magic if you believe
Once upon a time…never mind.
you care. you're just acting. right?
I like boys. So does he.
Because I think you're my destiny.
Sometimes, it helps to have faith.
He's the mirror every girl wants.
Butterflie were hideous once, have hope.
Without darkness, there is no light.
I know, I know, there’s a lot. But PLEASE read them all, they’re very good, and see if you can figure out which one I wrote ;)
ANYWHO. From now on, ill probably stick a 6-word-memoir on each of my blogs/ use one as name/pm. I like them, they are pretty.
And now you actually know what I’m talking about when I use them.
So, make an account! And add to them!!
And see if I use yours ;)
Im out!
Saturday, 1 November 2008
{{ dont know what to put here }}
"Are you...serious?"
Thats not exactly what I meant to say, 'are you for real?' 'are you crazy?' 'are you TRYING to hurt me?' they all seemed a little more appropriate, but hey, who am i to cause trouble, right? im not the one to hurt others.
im the heartbroken, not the heart breaker. im the one who falls for all 'those' lines, the one who thought he was for real when he said 'i really love you', 'ive never felt like this about anyone else before'. im the jerk. the one who just wanted him to say that he was kidding, 'no, of course im not serious, i love you' yeah, im that naive.
"im so sorry"
he didnt look sorry. he didnt look like his eyes felt even a millionth of the pain that was currently pulsing through my every vein. he didnt look like he'd ever regret it, or wake up tomorrow morning crying because hed done something wrong.
he looked like all the others, he looked like something inside of him was laughing, he looked like he was thinking 'sucker! she fell for it!' but he definately didnt look sorry.
-------------
dunno what im gonna do with all that gab at the top of my blogs.
put it all together and make a story? hmm, would you read it?
i like expressing myself like that, its easier, than telling people how you feel.
which im not all that good at. except on this blog, and on my 6-word-memoir account.
AHEM. i feel that this random post is the perfect opportunity to introduce you (or reintroduce if you already know it) to the one blog i cannot live without. the blog i check on almost everyday because IM THAT SAD! and shes that good. she thinks the same way as me, recently met up with the 13 year old girl within her upon her discovery of twilight, and uses sarcasm as her FIRST language, english as her second.
of course, i could only be talking of Tia and CleverGirlGoesBlog.
i love her, really, she is amazing, and funny, and sarcastic, and witty and entertaining, and if she wrote a book, I WOULD SO BUY IT!!
so please, go to her website, it is UBERCOOL.
ok, enough about that, i do actually have some things that i would like to say. and i choose to take a further leaf out of amys book, in writing to these people via numeros.
Person 1
i now read your blog everyday
ur not close to me
ur close to my friends, weve just never been put together so we dont really know each other
your blog inspires me
cuz theres a really small chance that you know exactly how i feel
i just like to know that there can be a happy ending...or something like that
Person 2
i wanted you to be my best friend, truly
i joked about it, once, about how close we got, and then i started ignoring you
it hurt me
it felt like the the right thing to do
it really hurt me
i want us to be close, i know we can, we can fit perfectly together. you know me better than all of my group put together, because we always talk D&M, and youve seen my heart, more than i wanted you to, but im glad you saw it, now you know.
im sorry for ignoring you, i wish to now piece our friendship back together, we just, have such strong foundations, and no idea of what to build.
Person 3
im sorry. because i have this feeling that you blame me, and i dont know why.
i feel guilty, and i dont know why, did i do something?
would you tell me if i did?
would you care if i felt remorse?
im trying to remember what it is i feel guilty about, but im coming up blank.
im very sorry if ive hurt you, because i feel i have, and i AM truly sorry.
Person 4
noo, im not really your biggest fan at the moment.
ive had something ive been trying to tell you all week.
and weve talked. goodness, have we talked!
but not once about me, and now its too late, i have yet again suffered in silence, perhaps like i should have.
i dont want to go all woe-is-me, but i thought i knew you better.
i thought ud care
or at least notice that i was writhing in pain.
Person 5
im sorry, i didnt mean to tell someone else something that was so personal to you and people you love.
hopefully youll read this, and know i mean you.
i am truly sorry.
i dont think that helps, because i did upset you.
but i NEVER meant to hurt you.
PLEASE forgive me.
Thats not exactly what I meant to say, 'are you for real?' 'are you crazy?' 'are you TRYING to hurt me?' they all seemed a little more appropriate, but hey, who am i to cause trouble, right? im not the one to hurt others.
im the heartbroken, not the heart breaker. im the one who falls for all 'those' lines, the one who thought he was for real when he said 'i really love you', 'ive never felt like this about anyone else before'. im the jerk. the one who just wanted him to say that he was kidding, 'no, of course im not serious, i love you' yeah, im that naive.
"im so sorry"
he didnt look sorry. he didnt look like his eyes felt even a millionth of the pain that was currently pulsing through my every vein. he didnt look like he'd ever regret it, or wake up tomorrow morning crying because hed done something wrong.
he looked like all the others, he looked like something inside of him was laughing, he looked like he was thinking 'sucker! she fell for it!' but he definately didnt look sorry.
-------------
dunno what im gonna do with all that gab at the top of my blogs.
put it all together and make a story? hmm, would you read it?
i like expressing myself like that, its easier, than telling people how you feel.
which im not all that good at. except on this blog, and on my 6-word-memoir account.
AHEM. i feel that this random post is the perfect opportunity to introduce you (or reintroduce if you already know it) to the one blog i cannot live without. the blog i check on almost everyday because IM THAT SAD! and shes that good. she thinks the same way as me, recently met up with the 13 year old girl within her upon her discovery of twilight, and uses sarcasm as her FIRST language, english as her second.
of course, i could only be talking of Tia and CleverGirlGoesBlog.
i love her, really, she is amazing, and funny, and sarcastic, and witty and entertaining, and if she wrote a book, I WOULD SO BUY IT!!
so please, go to her website, it is UBERCOOL.
ok, enough about that, i do actually have some things that i would like to say. and i choose to take a further leaf out of amys book, in writing to these people via numeros.
Person 1
i now read your blog everyday
ur not close to me
ur close to my friends, weve just never been put together so we dont really know each other
your blog inspires me
cuz theres a really small chance that you know exactly how i feel
i just like to know that there can be a happy ending...or something like that
Person 2
i wanted you to be my best friend, truly
i joked about it, once, about how close we got, and then i started ignoring you
it hurt me
it felt like the the right thing to do
it really hurt me
i want us to be close, i know we can, we can fit perfectly together. you know me better than all of my group put together, because we always talk D&M, and youve seen my heart, more than i wanted you to, but im glad you saw it, now you know.
im sorry for ignoring you, i wish to now piece our friendship back together, we just, have such strong foundations, and no idea of what to build.
Person 3
im sorry. because i have this feeling that you blame me, and i dont know why.
i feel guilty, and i dont know why, did i do something?
would you tell me if i did?
would you care if i felt remorse?
im trying to remember what it is i feel guilty about, but im coming up blank.
im very sorry if ive hurt you, because i feel i have, and i AM truly sorry.
Person 4
noo, im not really your biggest fan at the moment.
ive had something ive been trying to tell you all week.
and weve talked. goodness, have we talked!
but not once about me, and now its too late, i have yet again suffered in silence, perhaps like i should have.
i dont want to go all woe-is-me, but i thought i knew you better.
i thought ud care
or at least notice that i was writhing in pain.
Person 5
im sorry, i didnt mean to tell someone else something that was so personal to you and people you love.
hopefully youll read this, and know i mean you.
i am truly sorry.
i dont think that helps, because i did upset you.
but i NEVER meant to hurt you.
PLEASE forgive me.
Tuesday, 28 October 2008
Uh, 42.
finished reading breaking dawn.
she got perfection.
everything she's ever wanted.
it makes me wonder...
is that what it's all about?
true love? best friends? a good family? peace?
because, we're never gonna get all that
we're never gonna get perfection
so where is the point that we feel satisfied?
do we wake up one day, and think 'jeez, this is a bit of all right!'?
or, do we just spend everyday trying to follow some sick purpose?
oooh, im gonna change the world. ill save lives, that will the purpose of my life, to stop other people from getting where i dont wanna go bcuz im saving them.
or, oooh, im gonna change the world! ill fix it, so that the next generation of people with no other purpose can have a good life with no purpose.
why bother??
and im not being emo or stupid or stuck in the whirlwind of last years identicle thoughts, im truly curious.
i want to know my point. why i bother waking up in the morning, what im looking for. why do we need friends? or family? or an education? or even money?? is there some afterlife where we'll be judged by the aquaintances we've managed to rack up over the years??
why do we need friends? in the end we all die alone. why is it so hard to take things alone? why do we need a shoulder? is it because we are weak?
i dont understand, i dont want to understand. i dont want to be involved. i dont want life, i didnt choose it, and what the hell am i going to do to the world that will change it??
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
10 minutes later.
beauty.
moments.
love. like i even know what that is...
trust. people can' be trusted. especially if i cant trust myself.
thats all i can think of.
this is another one of my lists, everytime im pissed again, ill look at my list, ill find my happiness, my purpose, ill cross things off when (not if) they dont help. wow, the upside of my blog took a sudden, masochistic turn.
i dont wanna do this.
i want to be happy.
so much.
she got perfection.
everything she's ever wanted.
it makes me wonder...
is that what it's all about?
true love? best friends? a good family? peace?
because, we're never gonna get all that
we're never gonna get perfection
so where is the point that we feel satisfied?
do we wake up one day, and think 'jeez, this is a bit of all right!'?
or, do we just spend everyday trying to follow some sick purpose?
oooh, im gonna change the world. ill save lives, that will the purpose of my life, to stop other people from getting where i dont wanna go bcuz im saving them.
or, oooh, im gonna change the world! ill fix it, so that the next generation of people with no other purpose can have a good life with no purpose.
why bother??
and im not being emo or stupid or stuck in the whirlwind of last years identicle thoughts, im truly curious.
i want to know my point. why i bother waking up in the morning, what im looking for. why do we need friends? or family? or an education? or even money?? is there some afterlife where we'll be judged by the aquaintances we've managed to rack up over the years??
why do we need friends? in the end we all die alone. why is it so hard to take things alone? why do we need a shoulder? is it because we are weak?
i dont understand, i dont want to understand. i dont want to be involved. i dont want life, i didnt choose it, and what the hell am i going to do to the world that will change it??
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
10 minutes later.
beauty.
moments.
thats all i can think of.
this is another one of my lists, everytime im pissed again, ill look at my list, ill find my happiness, my purpose, ill cross things off when (not if) they dont help. wow, the upside of my blog took a sudden, masochistic turn.
i dont wanna do this.
i want to be happy.
so much.
Sunday, 26 October 2008
True Love, and the price to pay
“You don’t get it!” Now I was pissed, this was so obvious, how could he miss it? “You left me broken! Shattered into a million tiny little pieces.” Okay, it was a little overdramatic, but I was trying to make a point. “And then I found him! And he actually put an effort into piecing me back together again. I felt good again, I felt almost happy!” That was a bit of a stretch, than again, maybe it wasn’t, maybe there was a point where I crossed into happy. “But he was falling into the same trap you had me in, and I knew it was only a matter of time before I broke him too.” Only a matter of time before I lost my friend, my closest friend and my best friend.
Now I realise that maybe I let him get too close. Actually, no maybe, I let him get too close. I shouldn’t have. And in the end I didn’t break him, he broke me too. Maybe it’s something about me.
------------------------------------------------------------------
You know what I realised??
I’d give it all up.
Everything.
My entire perfect life.
All of it.
Everything I’m thankful for everyday.
I’d let it go.
What for, Ebony??
For a storybook life.
You know the one, no friends, your parents split up, only child, barely getting by at school.
And him.
But the rest don’t matter, you’ve got him.
That’s what I want.
EVERYONE READING THIS!! I would give you up.
For true love.
I think this is an irrational feeling
And I’m sure in a few hours, I won’t feel the same.
I’ll touch back down to Earth.
Realise how good I’ve got it.
But until then…
As much as I love you guys…
I just want one person I can curl up next to, and tell everything, not have to keep secrets from. Someone who loves me, understands me. Someone who allows me to understand them, who lets me try, and succeed. I know that doesn’t make much sense, since none of you guys can see in my head. But I want that person so badly.
And although I spend a lot of my life running away from growing up, I think I’d like to grow up enough to meet that person.
So before I come to my sense and delte all of this, I'm going to post it. Maybe my perfect person will read it, and come find me :)
((Oh, and the stories at the top, I don't know what that's all about, but I like them, so I'll probably keep writing them))
Now I realise that maybe I let him get too close. Actually, no maybe, I let him get too close. I shouldn’t have. And in the end I didn’t break him, he broke me too. Maybe it’s something about me.
------------------------------------------------------------------
You know what I realised??
I’d give it all up.
Everything.
My entire perfect life.
All of it.
Everything I’m thankful for everyday.
I’d let it go.
What for, Ebony??
For a storybook life.
You know the one, no friends, your parents split up, only child, barely getting by at school.
And him.
But the rest don’t matter, you’ve got him.
That’s what I want.
EVERYONE READING THIS!! I would give you up.
For true love.
I think this is an irrational feeling
And I’m sure in a few hours, I won’t feel the same.
I’ll touch back down to Earth.
Realise how good I’ve got it.
But until then…
As much as I love you guys…
I just want one person I can curl up next to, and tell everything, not have to keep secrets from. Someone who loves me, understands me. Someone who allows me to understand them, who lets me try, and succeed. I know that doesn’t make much sense, since none of you guys can see in my head. But I want that person so badly.
And although I spend a lot of my life running away from growing up, I think I’d like to grow up enough to meet that person.
So before I come to my sense and delte all of this, I'm going to post it. Maybe my perfect person will read it, and come find me :)
((Oh, and the stories at the top, I don't know what that's all about, but I like them, so I'll probably keep writing them))
Thursday, 23 October 2008
RaNdooM
"You dont always have to be there hero" I whispered to him, smiling weakly. Of course he knew I was just trying to distract him, but did he know that I meant it?
"I know." He turned, his face desperate. I could see that clearly, even in the dim light "But sometimes, I just don't want to be the villain"
...
I DUNNO!!
...
ok, so i am.... confused
yes, good word.
"This is a little piece of hell, right in the middle of heaven"
My life, a few days ago... yesterday?
Today??
ALL GOOD.
I realised, this arvo, I'm happy again.
That emo but not feeling is gone!! =o=o
And I just feel like shouting it.
Maybe it was exams doing my head in? All I know is that now I can relax!!
CCCHHHIIILLLLLLL.
And tomorrow... read eclipse.
"I know." He turned, his face desperate. I could see that clearly, even in the dim light "But sometimes, I just don't want to be the villain"
...
I DUNNO!!
...
ok, so i am.... confused
yes, good word.
"This is a little piece of hell, right in the middle of heaven"
My life, a few days ago... yesterday?
Today??
ALL GOOD.
I realised, this arvo, I'm happy again.
That emo but not feeling is gone!! =o=o
And I just feel like shouting it.
Maybe it was exams doing my head in? All I know is that now I can relax!!
CCCHHHIIILLLLLLL.
And tomorrow... read eclipse.
Tuesday, 21 October 2008
~Twilight~
What I wrote on Sunday but didn’t post:
‘‘I put my knees together, one elbow on each, and my forearms perpendicular with the car floor below me. I was vaguely aware of the chattering around me about my sister’s driving. I rested my face in the palms of my hands, allowing my hair to fall around me. And I thought of him. Every part of his precious beauty filled me as I wistfully wished him to be mine. My face grew sadder as the minutes passed by, and my fantasy fled as I realised he was the one thing I could never have.
“What’s up?” my father’s words interrupted my thoughts, and I jerked my head up to look at him
“She’s scared of my driving” my sister joked.
“Enough to give you an instant headache, huh?”
“No…” I stopped myself before I told them what I had been thinking. My father distracted my sister by continuing to instruct her driving, I was thankful to him. I allowed my mind to again be consumed with thoughts of him as I drifted between fantasy and reality.’
OH SNAP!!
But I like it… it’s sorta… nice.
Like, idealistic, if you will.
I wrote that yesterday, in Spanish school. Just thought I’d share.
You see… I want my own fantasy.
Exam week. For everyone else… a big deal, they spent all week (and weekend for that matter) studying. What did I do? Read twilight 3 times. Midnight Sun (ch1-12) twice. New Moon.
So I’m guessing you’ve found my addiction.
And I don’t read the books because I like them, because I don’t think I like them all that much, they’re just my drug, my addiction. They give me hope.
As much as I try to remind myself that they are just books, I find great joy in believing that every girl has an Edward Cullen.’
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Today: I figured it out. My addiction. I had an epiphany.
What’s the best thing about fantasy? You get to get away, escape everything, over look reality.
So why have I drowned my self in it?? Because that, more than anything else in the world, is what I need. I may have been acting a little odd lately, in fact I probably still am. Just a little…void. I don’t know why that is. I Do know, however that, although I do not enjoy the twilight series, I UNDERSTAND it, and that means more than you would think. I understand everything they do, except Edward, he just pisses me off. And, because I understand it, AND relate to it, it feels real to me. It feels like… I’m blurring the lines between fantasy and reality. I’ve forgotten where I end and Bella begins. Her traits and mine, intertwined within my head, so that through it all, I have hope. So why don’t you have hope, Ebony? Why don’t you have something to look forward to? Why don’t you CARE anymore??
My answer: I don’t know. I just want to be lost, until it all finishes. What “it” is, I do not know. I just know that it must end for me to be happy. So… my dear Twilight, I have welcomed you with open arms Hoping that you hold something for me I don’t know if you do, I just know that you make things hurt less, and yet you still let me feel. What more could I want?? Twilight. When I first learnt that word, it was pure peace to me. It reminded me of blue, purple and black. The gap between cloudless day and cloudless night, it was poetic. I will never think of it that way again, it will always represent something comfortable, but never peaceful, I have lost the peace. But after all of this, I would like to end with a song, an unusual occurrence for my random blogs, but still, not a first.
The song: Wuthering Heights.
The story: Similar to new moon. (important parts BIGGER)
The difference: The names, there is a slight amount of role reversal, but all the ideas are common. Let Wuthering Weights be your forks. The lyrics:
Out On the wiley, windy moors
We'd roll and fall in green
You had a temper, like my jealousy
Too hot, too greedy
How could you leave me
When I needed to possess you?
I hated you, I loved you too
Bad dreams in the night
They told me I was going to lose the fight
Leave behind my wuthering, wuthering
Wuthering Heights
Heathcliff, it's me, Cathy, I've come home
I'm so cold, let me in in-a-your-window
Heathcliff, it's me, Cathy, I've come home
I'm so cold, let me in in-a-your-window
Oh it gets dark, it gets lonely
On the other side from you
I pine alot, I find the lot
Falls through without you
I'm coming back love, cruel Heathcliff
My one dream, my only master
Too long I roam in the night
I'm coming back to his side to put it right
I'm coming home to wuthering, wuthering
Wuthering Heights
Heathcliff, it's me, Cathy, I've come home
I'm so cold, let me in in-a-your-window
Heathcliff, it's me, Cathy, I've come home
I'm so cold, let me in in-a-your-window
Ooh let me have it, let me grab your soul away
Ooh let me have it, let me grab your soul away
You know it's me, Cathy
Heathcliff, it's me, Cathy come home
I'm so cold, let me in in-a-your-window
Heathcliff, it's me, Cathy come home
I'm so cold, let me in in-a-your-window
Heathcliff, it's me, Cathy come home
I'm so cold
Friday, 17 October 2008
Intoxicating
Ok, so, you were away today, yes, I noticed. But it’s the only day out of this week and next that you don’t have exams, so you are forgiven.
I only realised today, that I see you EVERYDAY. I mean like, sure, on the train, but this week, you haven’t caught my train ( =( ) because of your stupid foot. But still I’ve seen you everyday. You haven’t even had lunch and recess at the same time as the rest of the school, but still, I’ve seen you everyday. I’m starting to feel a bit like a stalker.
Like, I see you walk into school, cuz in the mornings I sit near the gate. I see you at random times when you decide to SIT AT MY TABLE!!!!
Amy: *walking up to table, ROFLING*
Me: “It is so not funny! So BEYOND funny!!”
Amy: *still laughing*
So I walked away, I was the only one there anyway, (out of my group), so I usually walk away, I just walked away especially quickly.
Shailin: “Why didn’t you talk to him?”
Me: *thinks really hard*…. “Because, it hurts me, he makes me feel bad about myself”
Shai: “So WHY DO YOU LIKE HIM??”
Me: *thinks again, still really hard* “Because he’s really nice to everyone else”
And thus it stands.
It still hurts me, a lot, to talk to you.
I am “intoxicated by your presence”.
You still don’t care that you hurt me.
You are taking Bianca to her prom. (Just thought I’d throw that in there, so irrelevant)
It scares me slightly to be around you, but also, I love that thrill, so I cannot stay away
You make my heart act in weird and wonderful ways; it has been know to stop around you.
I don’t like that you got hurt, I really don’t. I looked up, saw you, and thought “Not him”. But you’ve hurt me so much, that I try so hard to make it about me.
I should explain that more:
Afterwards, after I’d looked down again, I tried to think of a reason why this would be good for me. You’d hurt yourself, and that hurt me, I needed some sort of… consolation prize. Whilst my primary fear was for you, I try so hard to hurt myself less, and so, my instinct was to be glad that you’d hurt yourself. To make us balance, equal.
Oh and one last thing, Monday! I didn’t MEAN it like that. It’s just that, when you come up in conversation (as you so often seem to, whether with my sister or even Christina), I keep you there, when people start to stray, I bring the conversation back to you, it gives me an excuse to think of you. So whilst it may have seen mean, it was merely a way of stopping their minds from deviating for a few seconds longer.
…
I can’t pick a song. I’m trying, I’d Lie comes to mind, but even since my sister told me it reminds her of Twilight, I’ve been reluctant to think of it in association with you. It’s just, one of those things.
…
Oh well, here, have two lines:
“Wouldn’t it be nice to leave it open-ended, and pretend it could go either way?”
I only realised today, that I see you EVERYDAY. I mean like, sure, on the train, but this week, you haven’t caught my train ( =( ) because of your stupid foot. But still I’ve seen you everyday. You haven’t even had lunch and recess at the same time as the rest of the school, but still, I’ve seen you everyday. I’m starting to feel a bit like a stalker.
Like, I see you walk into school, cuz in the mornings I sit near the gate. I see you at random times when you decide to SIT AT MY TABLE!!!!
Amy: *walking up to table, ROFLING*
Me: “It is so not funny! So BEYOND funny!!”
Amy: *still laughing*
So I walked away, I was the only one there anyway, (out of my group), so I usually walk away, I just walked away especially quickly.
Shailin: “Why didn’t you talk to him?”
Me: *thinks really hard*…. “Because, it hurts me, he makes me feel bad about myself”
Shai: “So WHY DO YOU LIKE HIM??”
Me: *thinks again, still really hard* “Because he’s really nice to everyone else”
And thus it stands.
It still hurts me, a lot, to talk to you.
I am “intoxicated by your presence”.
You still don’t care that you hurt me.
You are taking Bianca to her prom. (Just thought I’d throw that in there, so irrelevant)
It scares me slightly to be around you, but also, I love that thrill, so I cannot stay away
You make my heart act in weird and wonderful ways; it has been know to stop around you.
I don’t like that you got hurt, I really don’t. I looked up, saw you, and thought “Not him”. But you’ve hurt me so much, that I try so hard to make it about me.
I should explain that more:
Afterwards, after I’d looked down again, I tried to think of a reason why this would be good for me. You’d hurt yourself, and that hurt me, I needed some sort of… consolation prize. Whilst my primary fear was for you, I try so hard to hurt myself less, and so, my instinct was to be glad that you’d hurt yourself. To make us balance, equal.
Oh and one last thing, Monday! I didn’t MEAN it like that. It’s just that, when you come up in conversation (as you so often seem to, whether with my sister or even Christina), I keep you there, when people start to stray, I bring the conversation back to you, it gives me an excuse to think of you. So whilst it may have seen mean, it was merely a way of stopping their minds from deviating for a few seconds longer.
…
I can’t pick a song. I’m trying, I’d Lie comes to mind, but even since my sister told me it reminds her of Twilight, I’ve been reluctant to think of it in association with you. It’s just, one of those things.
…
Oh well, here, have two lines:
“Wouldn’t it be nice to leave it open-ended, and pretend it could go either way?”
Monday, 13 October 2008
Can't Lose What You Never Had - Westlife
Ok, so I haven’t blogged about you in a while, again.
I know, I keep doing that, but it’s probably because things never seem to change with you.
Today: First day back this term.
You weren’t on the train.
After P2: I see you walking past with your friends, on crutches; you’d hurt your foot.
First thought: Ouch! Poor thing.
Second thought: Jeez, about time he hurt someone other than me.
See, my liking you comes before my hating you. I don’t like that. I don’t want to care about you, just like you don’t care about me.
Our only conversation today (so far):
You: “HI EBONY!!”
Me: *looks up* “HI!” *looks down again*
You: “I don’t like you.”
Me: *walks away*
Come on! Who just throws that into conversation? I KNOW!! I know you hate me, okay? I don’t the need the not-so-friendly reminder.
All day, I’ve been really quiet, yes! Me! Quiet.
Amy: “We came first in state for Wakakirri!!!”
Me: *distantly* “Cool…”
Seriously, normally, I would be like, jumping sky high about stuff like that. Not today! Today, you told me that you “don’t like” me. And not even because it came up, but because you thought I should know that.
I DO! You think I make up this crap??
Me & Shailin today
Shai: “So tell me about your boy troubles”
Me: “Well…”
Shai: “Wait is it about…?” *tilts head*
ME: “Yeah”
Shai: “Continue”
Me: “He hates me”
Shai: “Really?”
ME: “Yeah”
Shai: “How do you know?”
Me: “He said so”
Shai: “As in a joke?”
Me: “Nope”
Shai: “Why does he hate you?”
Me: “No idea”
Shai: “Really?”
Me: “Yeah”
That sorta got me thinking… why do you hate me?
I mean sure, I’m not the nicest person in the world, I get that, but I’m not exactly the worst either. I’m okay, once you get to know me. I have my flaws, but nothing that bad.
I don’t get it.
But thankyou for hurting yourself.
Baby you're so beautiful,
and when i'm near you,
i can't breathe,(i can't breathe)
A guy like you gets what you want,when you want it,
You're so out of my league,
I show you no emotion,
Don't let you see, what you're doin' to me
I imagine the two of us together,
but i've been living in reality,
Fear of rejection,
kept my love inside,
But time is running out,
so damn my foolish pride,
I don't care if you think i'm crazy
It doesn't matter if it turns out bad,
I've got no fear of losing you,
You can't lose what you never had,
Now i'm gonna confess, that i love you,
I've been keeping it inside, feelin i could die,
But if you turn away, baby that's okay,
At least we had a moment,before you say goodbye,
You can lose what you never had,
Rules are made for breaking,
Nothing ventured nothing gained,
I'll be no worse off than i am right now,
and i might never get that chance again,baby,
Fear of rejection,
kept my love inside,
Told my heart i didn't want you,
but i lied,
I don't care if you think i'm crazy,
It doesn't matter if it turns out bad
I've got no fear of losing you,
You can't lose what you never had,
Now i'm gonna confess, that i love you,
I've been keeping it inside, feelin i could die,
But if you turn away, baby that's okay,
At least we had a moment,before you say goodbye,
You can lose what you never had,
Here on the outside looking in,
Don't wanna stay dreaming bout,
what could have been,
Need to hear you speak my name,
even if you shoot me down in flames,
I don't care if you think i'm crazy
It doesn't matter if it turns out bad
I've got no fear of losing you,
You can't lose what you never had,
Now i'm gonna confess that i love you
I've been keepin it inside,
feelin i could die
But if you turn away, baby that's okay
At least we have a moment before you say good-bye
You can't lose what you never had
I know, I keep doing that, but it’s probably because things never seem to change with you.
Today: First day back this term.
You weren’t on the train.
After P2: I see you walking past with your friends, on crutches; you’d hurt your foot.
First thought: Ouch! Poor thing.
Second thought: Jeez, about time he hurt someone other than me.
See, my liking you comes before my hating you. I don’t like that. I don’t want to care about you, just like you don’t care about me.
Our only conversation today (so far):
You: “HI EBONY!!”
Me: *looks up* “HI!” *looks down again*
You: “I don’t like you.”
Me: *walks away*
Come on! Who just throws that into conversation? I KNOW!! I know you hate me, okay? I don’t the need the not-so-friendly reminder.
All day, I’ve been really quiet, yes! Me! Quiet.
Amy: “We came first in state for Wakakirri!!!”
Me: *distantly* “Cool…”
Seriously, normally, I would be like, jumping sky high about stuff like that. Not today! Today, you told me that you “don’t like” me. And not even because it came up, but because you thought I should know that.
I DO! You think I make up this crap??
Me & Shailin today
Shai: “So tell me about your boy troubles”
Me: “Well…”
Shai: “Wait is it about…?” *tilts head*
ME: “Yeah”
Shai: “Continue”
Me: “He hates me”
Shai: “Really?”
ME: “Yeah”
Shai: “How do you know?”
Me: “He said so”
Shai: “As in a joke?”
Me: “Nope”
Shai: “Why does he hate you?”
Me: “No idea”
Shai: “Really?”
Me: “Yeah”
That sorta got me thinking… why do you hate me?
I mean sure, I’m not the nicest person in the world, I get that, but I’m not exactly the worst either. I’m okay, once you get to know me. I have my flaws, but nothing that bad.
I don’t get it.
But thankyou for hurting yourself.
Baby you're so beautiful,
and when i'm near you,
i can't breathe,(i can't breathe)
A guy like you gets what you want,when you want it,
You're so out of my league,
I show you no emotion,
Don't let you see, what you're doin' to me
I imagine the two of us together,
but i've been living in reality,
Fear of rejection,
kept my love inside,
But time is running out,
so damn my foolish pride,
I don't care if you think i'm crazy
It doesn't matter if it turns out bad,
I've got no fear of losing you,
You can't lose what you never had,
Now i'm gonna confess, that i love you,
I've been keeping it inside, feelin i could die,
But if you turn away, baby that's okay,
At least we had a moment,before you say goodbye,
You can lose what you never had,
Rules are made for breaking,
Nothing ventured nothing gained,
I'll be no worse off than i am right now,
and i might never get that chance again,baby,
Fear of rejection,
kept my love inside,
Told my heart i didn't want you,
but i lied,
I don't care if you think i'm crazy,
It doesn't matter if it turns out bad
I've got no fear of losing you,
You can't lose what you never had,
Now i'm gonna confess, that i love you,
I've been keeping it inside, feelin i could die,
But if you turn away, baby that's okay,
At least we had a moment,before you say goodbye,
You can lose what you never had,
Here on the outside looking in,
Don't wanna stay dreaming bout,
what could have been,
Need to hear you speak my name,
even if you shoot me down in flames,
I don't care if you think i'm crazy
It doesn't matter if it turns out bad
I've got no fear of losing you,
You can't lose what you never had,
Now i'm gonna confess that i love you
I've been keepin it inside,
feelin i could die
But if you turn away, baby that's okay
At least we have a moment before you say good-bye
You can't lose what you never had
Saturday, 11 October 2008
My Holiday
Haven’t blogged all holidays, and for good reason, I tried to forget everything. It may not have worked, but I tried.
I didn’t want to come here, and let myself think. Because I have a crazy mind, and with the out the regularity and sanity of school I’m sure I would have gone crazy here. It’s what I do. If you know me, you know that. I over think and overanalyse everything. I end up thinking I know things that aren’t true.
The other reason I didn’t blog is because I got really depressed. Especially in the first week. I remember saying earlier that in last year’s holidays I hit rock bottom. Well, I did it again. I was crazy. I hardly even remember the week. I just sat here, at this computer, listened to the same songs over again, played solitaire and went mental. I wrote, this thing. I was meaning to put it here on this blog spot, but now, it just scares me that I thought these thoughts:
What you’ve never known about me: I actually walk really slowly normally, I only walk fast with friends, because I can escape, and be alone. I love being alone, because I’m not me around other people, I’m who I pretend to be, and I don’t really like that person. I’m actually not a happy person. I smile. I laugh. I joke. But it’s not me. Me: I hate the world. I think happiness is overrated. I love to cry. Sometimes I force myself to cry because it makes me feel. I love to feel. My favourite song at the moment: Try Honesty – Billy Talent. I envy Goths because they have no worries. I like bright colours because they remind me of someone I could never be. I enjoy be upset. “Do what makes you happy, if being miserable is what makes you happy, then be miserable, as long as it makes you happy.” It doesn’t make me happy, it makes me satisfied. Things hurt less when you let them hurt more. Going crazy with anger makes you freer than going crazy on happiness. I don’t envy happy people, because people think I’m a happy person. I understand. They’re just trapped, trapped behind a disguise they invented. A disguise they invented to make other people happy. Other people don’t like sadness. They don’t like it when you say suicide is a good idea, that you’ve contemplated it, or that you know 17 different ways to kill yourself. I understand emos, people who self harm. When things hurt physically, the emotional pain goes away, it’s overpowered. Emotional pain feels worse, but physical pain is stronger, it helps you forget.
What scares the most about that, is that most of it is true. I walk faster with others, I love to cry, that is my favourite song, even though it’s what I imagine death would sound like.
I’m scared of that person, of who I was. And I don’t just mean last week. I know none of you knew me before high school, and those of you that did, you’d know that I never had real friends, people I could tell stuff. But I was seriously emo, I cried randomly for no reason. I wrote lists of all the reasons I should stay alive, but gradually crossed off everything. Everytime I was happy, I gave myself a reason, then I added it to the list, but it was all crossed off.
Until I decided to be a vet. I think that was escape. My reason, “for the animals”, even now I find written over and over again on sheets of paper, in my diary, all over my room. I convinced myself to live, for all the animals I could save. I find it insane when I think about it now, and I’m scared of that person I was. Everytime I look into my past, I’m surprised by what I went through. Most people have some sort of childhood issues, but mine went further than others, I can actually understand how I became depressed. I was severely traumatised as a child.
I make excuses for things now, I make excuses for people, for how they treated me, I try to see the other side of everything. I think that’s damaging to my conscious, I can understand every side of the story, so am okay when I do the wrong thing. I know who started all this, I know who I blame. My parents may truly believe that I’ve led a sheltered life, but I’ve seen things you only ever read about in magazines, things that give people nightmares. They almost found out once, what she did to me, but I stopped them, I got away. They were shocked, but they let me distract them, looking back, I shouldn’t have, but I did. Now, I’d prefer that I had the protection I needed. I’m still making excuses for her in my mind though, and I need someone to tell me that what she did was wrong, that I didn’t deserve it, that when she told me it would be fun, she didn’t mean for me. I need someone to tell me that I was right to be scared, that I wasn’t a whimp. I need someone to understand.
You watch those shows, and you see people say, “it’s not your fault, you did nothing to cause this, she is in the wrong, not you” and you think, Jeez! Kid! Get it already, how can you still think it was you? But the thing is, I trusted her, so it was my fault. You watch other people like you and you think, “ it wasn’t you, you deserve so much more than that”, but why don’t think I deserve more? This blog is probably scaring anyone who’s reading it, because this is a really big secret, and most of you probably know what I’m talking about, what the thing is, but none of you know the person. None of you know what happened, how it happened, how I remember every second, and no matter what I do, it will only ever be me, no one else can ever understand. Because I let her! It was her fault, but I let her get away with it. For over a year! Every week! I let her treat me worse than I should be treated.
I try to tell myself that I didn’t know better, in fact, I had no idea what she was doing. But no matter how innocent I was, I must have understood. I must have actually gotten it.
And now this is completely sidetracked, cuz I was meant to be telling you about my holiday. Well, I’m too annoyed now, Ill blog about the holiday another time.
I didn’t want to come here, and let myself think. Because I have a crazy mind, and with the out the regularity and sanity of school I’m sure I would have gone crazy here. It’s what I do. If you know me, you know that. I over think and overanalyse everything. I end up thinking I know things that aren’t true.
The other reason I didn’t blog is because I got really depressed. Especially in the first week. I remember saying earlier that in last year’s holidays I hit rock bottom. Well, I did it again. I was crazy. I hardly even remember the week. I just sat here, at this computer, listened to the same songs over again, played solitaire and went mental. I wrote, this thing. I was meaning to put it here on this blog spot, but now, it just scares me that I thought these thoughts:
What you’ve never known about me: I actually walk really slowly normally, I only walk fast with friends, because I can escape, and be alone. I love being alone, because I’m not me around other people, I’m who I pretend to be, and I don’t really like that person. I’m actually not a happy person. I smile. I laugh. I joke. But it’s not me. Me: I hate the world. I think happiness is overrated. I love to cry. Sometimes I force myself to cry because it makes me feel. I love to feel. My favourite song at the moment: Try Honesty – Billy Talent. I envy Goths because they have no worries. I like bright colours because they remind me of someone I could never be. I enjoy be upset. “Do what makes you happy, if being miserable is what makes you happy, then be miserable, as long as it makes you happy.” It doesn’t make me happy, it makes me satisfied. Things hurt less when you let them hurt more. Going crazy with anger makes you freer than going crazy on happiness. I don’t envy happy people, because people think I’m a happy person. I understand. They’re just trapped, trapped behind a disguise they invented. A disguise they invented to make other people happy. Other people don’t like sadness. They don’t like it when you say suicide is a good idea, that you’ve contemplated it, or that you know 17 different ways to kill yourself. I understand emos, people who self harm. When things hurt physically, the emotional pain goes away, it’s overpowered. Emotional pain feels worse, but physical pain is stronger, it helps you forget.
What scares the most about that, is that most of it is true. I walk faster with others, I love to cry, that is my favourite song, even though it’s what I imagine death would sound like.
I’m scared of that person, of who I was. And I don’t just mean last week. I know none of you knew me before high school, and those of you that did, you’d know that I never had real friends, people I could tell stuff. But I was seriously emo, I cried randomly for no reason. I wrote lists of all the reasons I should stay alive, but gradually crossed off everything. Everytime I was happy, I gave myself a reason, then I added it to the list, but it was all crossed off.
Until I decided to be a vet. I think that was escape. My reason, “for the animals”, even now I find written over and over again on sheets of paper, in my diary, all over my room. I convinced myself to live, for all the animals I could save. I find it insane when I think about it now, and I’m scared of that person I was. Everytime I look into my past, I’m surprised by what I went through. Most people have some sort of childhood issues, but mine went further than others, I can actually understand how I became depressed. I was severely traumatised as a child.
I make excuses for things now, I make excuses for people, for how they treated me, I try to see the other side of everything. I think that’s damaging to my conscious, I can understand every side of the story, so am okay when I do the wrong thing. I know who started all this, I know who I blame. My parents may truly believe that I’ve led a sheltered life, but I’ve seen things you only ever read about in magazines, things that give people nightmares. They almost found out once, what she did to me, but I stopped them, I got away. They were shocked, but they let me distract them, looking back, I shouldn’t have, but I did. Now, I’d prefer that I had the protection I needed. I’m still making excuses for her in my mind though, and I need someone to tell me that what she did was wrong, that I didn’t deserve it, that when she told me it would be fun, she didn’t mean for me. I need someone to tell me that I was right to be scared, that I wasn’t a whimp. I need someone to understand.
You watch those shows, and you see people say, “it’s not your fault, you did nothing to cause this, she is in the wrong, not you” and you think, Jeez! Kid! Get it already, how can you still think it was you? But the thing is, I trusted her, so it was my fault. You watch other people like you and you think, “ it wasn’t you, you deserve so much more than that”, but why don’t think I deserve more? This blog is probably scaring anyone who’s reading it, because this is a really big secret, and most of you probably know what I’m talking about, what the thing is, but none of you know the person. None of you know what happened, how it happened, how I remember every second, and no matter what I do, it will only ever be me, no one else can ever understand. Because I let her! It was her fault, but I let her get away with it. For over a year! Every week! I let her treat me worse than I should be treated.
I try to tell myself that I didn’t know better, in fact, I had no idea what she was doing. But no matter how innocent I was, I must have understood. I must have actually gotten it.
And now this is completely sidetracked, cuz I was meant to be telling you about my holiday. Well, I’m too annoyed now, Ill blog about the holiday another time.
Sunday, 28 September 2008
~The Beautiful People I Sometimes Call Friends~
i wanna talk about my people
cuz they rock!!
and i love them very muchly.
so im gonna talk about my group (alpha order)
Amy.
song that reminds me of you: I'll always be right there - Michelle Branch
poem that reminds me of you:
If I could catch a rainbow
I would do it just for you
And share with you its beauty
On the days you’re feeling blue
If I could build a mountain
You could call your very own
A place to find serenity
A place to be alone
If I could take your troubles
I would toss them in the sea
But ALL these things, I’m finding, are impossible for me.
I cannot build a mountain
Or catch a rainbow fair
But let me be what I know best
A friend who’s always there
yeah, pretty much sums it up, but, in ebony words:
you are soo cool!! but when you get upset, i feel so bad, cuz i cant do anything, cuz ur issues are so BIG!! so i hugg you, and try to make you smile, cuz i feel so helpless, so i am TRYING, ok? ily (L)
Jenny
song that reminds me of you: Shine - Aly & AJ
poem that reminds me of you:
Inside jokes and many laughs
All of the good times together
I couldn't find another friend
That is any better
You're there for my good times
And definitely there for my bad
You're there when I'm happy as can be
And you're there when I'm sad
I'll always be here for you
My sister, my friend
Partner in crime
Until the very end
So, I have something to say
To this amazing friend of mine:
For you, I'll walk through hell
Break all the rules and cross every line
yeah, that pretty much sums it up, but in ebony words:
ur awesome, you're always always there. you're a little bit closed, but you're learning to open. you are such a beautiful person, and i dont want you to ever forget that, you're amazing.
Joannie
song that reminds me of you: You Raise Me Up - Savage Garden/Josh Groban
poem that reminds me of you:
You can make me smile no matter what
you have a gift, it's what you've got
i don't know how to live without you
i'm greatful for all you've got me through
you're so funny, polite and kind
i wish that i could press rewind
play back all the good times we've had
and maybe even some of the bad
i wouldn't swap you for all the world
i guess you are just that kinda girl
the bestest friend that i've ever had
and in order to ditch you i'd have to be mad
again, sums it up, but ebony likes her words:
you're amazing, you really are, you're always there for everyone in our group, not just me, it seems like you never have any problems, cuz you're always helping us deal with ours, thankyou so much for being there, all the time, no matter what
Judy
song that reminds me of you: Never Underestimate A Girl - Vanessa Hudgens
poem that reminds me of you:
I guess I just don’t “get” our friendship
It could be so true
But it seems there is just empty space
Between me and you
I think you are a beautiful person
Everyone tells me so
But whether we could be close friends
I guess we’ll never know
It’s so hard for me to be close to you
I hope you understand
I try and try to be your friend
But such friendship seems banned
But I’ll still try being close to you
I will always be here
And whenever you feel you need a friend
I just hope I’m near
still like my words:
you're cool, i know that! but not from experience, we just never seem to work. i dont get it, but im not giving up on you, you will learn to like me!! maybe.
Lisa
song that reminds me of you: A Place In This World - Taylor Swift
also: I Kissed A Girl - Katy Perry =)
poem that reminds me of you:
Your wings are so beautiful, so why do you hide
Such a wonderful piece of you deep inside?
I've seen them before I watched them spread wide
I watched as you soared swift as the tide
They used to bring smiles, when you let them go
Let the world envy them, let the whole world know
In your sadness you hid them away
Now my angel, has fallen astray
My wings are so tattered, not marvelled like you
I can not fix them, although I've tried to
Despite how weak, I'll take you high
Until you are better, I'll help you fly
Across every mountain over every sea
Though others desert you, you'll always have me
Your wings are so pretty I wish you could see
The beautiful angel you're meant to be.
its the last one, ill soon run out of words, until then:
i think you could be a beautiful angel, but your wings are sore. maybe from overuse, maybe because they've been hurt and torn, i dont know. i just know that the world deserves to see the beauty in you, and you deserve to show it. so be yourself, lisa, we will only love you more for it.
cuz they rock!!
and i love them very muchly.
so im gonna talk about my group (alpha order)
Amy.
song that reminds me of you: I'll always be right there - Michelle Branch
poem that reminds me of you:
If I could catch a rainbow
I would do it just for you
And share with you its beauty
On the days you’re feeling blue
If I could build a mountain
You could call your very own
A place to find serenity
A place to be alone
If I could take your troubles
I would toss them in the sea
But ALL these things, I’m finding, are impossible for me.
I cannot build a mountain
Or catch a rainbow fair
But let me be what I know best
A friend who’s always there
yeah, pretty much sums it up, but, in ebony words:
you are soo cool!! but when you get upset, i feel so bad, cuz i cant do anything, cuz ur issues are so BIG!! so i hugg you, and try to make you smile, cuz i feel so helpless, so i am TRYING, ok? ily (L)
Jenny
song that reminds me of you: Shine - Aly & AJ
poem that reminds me of you:
Inside jokes and many laughs
All of the good times together
I couldn't find another friend
That is any better
You're there for my good times
And definitely there for my bad
You're there when I'm happy as can be
And you're there when I'm sad
I'll always be here for you
My sister, my friend
Partner in crime
Until the very end
So, I have something to say
To this amazing friend of mine:
For you, I'll walk through hell
Break all the rules and cross every line
yeah, that pretty much sums it up, but in ebony words:
ur awesome, you're always always there. you're a little bit closed, but you're learning to open. you are such a beautiful person, and i dont want you to ever forget that, you're amazing.
Joannie
song that reminds me of you: You Raise Me Up - Savage Garden/Josh Groban
poem that reminds me of you:
You can make me smile no matter what
you have a gift, it's what you've got
i don't know how to live without you
i'm greatful for all you've got me through
you're so funny, polite and kind
i wish that i could press rewind
play back all the good times we've had
and maybe even some of the bad
i wouldn't swap you for all the world
i guess you are just that kinda girl
the bestest friend that i've ever had
and in order to ditch you i'd have to be mad
again, sums it up, but ebony likes her words:
you're amazing, you really are, you're always there for everyone in our group, not just me, it seems like you never have any problems, cuz you're always helping us deal with ours, thankyou so much for being there, all the time, no matter what
Judy
song that reminds me of you: Never Underestimate A Girl - Vanessa Hudgens
poem that reminds me of you:
I guess I just don’t “get” our friendship
It could be so true
But it seems there is just empty space
Between me and you
I think you are a beautiful person
Everyone tells me so
But whether we could be close friends
I guess we’ll never know
It’s so hard for me to be close to you
I hope you understand
I try and try to be your friend
But such friendship seems banned
But I’ll still try being close to you
I will always be here
And whenever you feel you need a friend
I just hope I’m near
still like my words:
you're cool, i know that! but not from experience, we just never seem to work. i dont get it, but im not giving up on you, you will learn to like me!! maybe.
Lisa
song that reminds me of you: A Place In This World - Taylor Swift
also: I Kissed A Girl - Katy Perry =)
poem that reminds me of you:
Your wings are so beautiful, so why do you hide
Such a wonderful piece of you deep inside?
I've seen them before I watched them spread wide
I watched as you soared swift as the tide
They used to bring smiles, when you let them go
Let the world envy them, let the whole world know
In your sadness you hid them away
Now my angel, has fallen astray
My wings are so tattered, not marvelled like you
I can not fix them, although I've tried to
Despite how weak, I'll take you high
Until you are better, I'll help you fly
Across every mountain over every sea
Though others desert you, you'll always have me
Your wings are so pretty I wish you could see
The beautiful angel you're meant to be.
its the last one, ill soon run out of words, until then:
i think you could be a beautiful angel, but your wings are sore. maybe from overuse, maybe because they've been hurt and torn, i dont know. i just know that the world deserves to see the beauty in you, and you deserve to show it. so be yourself, lisa, we will only love you more for it.
Tuesday, 23 September 2008
Unrequited Love ~ Story Of My Life
ohh, so many things to say, i started off using this blog with really really long blogs. it was quite weird actaully, they went on for forever. now, theve sorta shrunk a little, until a couple of days ago, when i flooded it again, and havent posted a blog that wasnt about you since.
i havent seen you that much in the past few days, although we had the first conversation where neither of us said anything remotely mean to the other. ah, such a beautiful change.
speaking of beautiful, you looked amazing yeterday. i know, it wasnt that different to normal, but i love that shirt :) you've only ever worn it once before that was the day i admitted to myself that yes, i actually liked you.
you almost didnt come yesterday, i think i was excited by that, because it meant that i could be myself. whenever you're there, i dont focus, i dont do anything properly, i dont pay attention, and i was glad that you werent there. but when you walked in, i definately wasnt disapointed :L
so, ive told heaps of people about you lately. never by name, just "this guy in yr 10, you won't know him", and people dont, because, you're not like the rest of your annoying grade. everyone knows them as being mean and stupid; neither of which you are, well, you're mean to me, but not anyone else.
and again, we're back on that, of course we are, i bring it up every blog, you hating me. me loving you. see how that doesnt work?? and i know, i know, its getting old, me telling you all the time how much i hate that you hate me, and how much it hurts me, and now im just sounding like a broken record, but it hurts so much. at the moment, my life is so beautiful, im so happy, i laugh EVERYDAY, multiple times... and then i think of you, and i cry, and my mums like, 'what's up?' and i have nothing to say, i shake my head, and smile, and forget about you, even if only for a while. and then, lying in bed at night, when i try to fall asleep, i crack.
you put me through this everyday, and i take it. everyday, i put up with it. i put up with you ignoring me half the time, and insulting me the rest, i put up with being hurt by being around you, just so i can be near you. but its getting so hard...
i just really need it to stop, for me to go back to how things used to be, when you made me happy, my early blogs, when being around you made me smile, not cringe. when seeing you at the end of the hallway made me laugh, then hide it, and turn away before you saw. now it hits me, really hard, your presence makes me stop breathing for a moment, the smile i normally have slides off my face, and i just watch until you walk away.
and you know what?? people HAVENT NOTICED, no one has, im being hurt constantly by you, but you can ask anyone, and theyll say im not acting any differently, because i shield all of this away from everyone else. until it starts to kill me, and then i write it all down, in an attempt to get it off my chest. and one or two people will read it, and sometimes they give up half way through, because its not exactly entertaining, its just real. its just me, and just you. its just of story of two people, of unrequited love.
and it just kills.
i havent seen you that much in the past few days, although we had the first conversation where neither of us said anything remotely mean to the other. ah, such a beautiful change.
speaking of beautiful, you looked amazing yeterday. i know, it wasnt that different to normal, but i love that shirt :) you've only ever worn it once before that was the day i admitted to myself that yes, i actually liked you.
you almost didnt come yesterday, i think i was excited by that, because it meant that i could be myself. whenever you're there, i dont focus, i dont do anything properly, i dont pay attention, and i was glad that you werent there. but when you walked in, i definately wasnt disapointed :L
so, ive told heaps of people about you lately. never by name, just "this guy in yr 10, you won't know him", and people dont, because, you're not like the rest of your annoying grade. everyone knows them as being mean and stupid; neither of which you are, well, you're mean to me, but not anyone else.
and again, we're back on that, of course we are, i bring it up every blog, you hating me. me loving you. see how that doesnt work?? and i know, i know, its getting old, me telling you all the time how much i hate that you hate me, and how much it hurts me, and now im just sounding like a broken record, but it hurts so much. at the moment, my life is so beautiful, im so happy, i laugh EVERYDAY, multiple times... and then i think of you, and i cry, and my mums like, 'what's up?' and i have nothing to say, i shake my head, and smile, and forget about you, even if only for a while. and then, lying in bed at night, when i try to fall asleep, i crack.
you put me through this everyday, and i take it. everyday, i put up with it. i put up with you ignoring me half the time, and insulting me the rest, i put up with being hurt by being around you, just so i can be near you. but its getting so hard...
i just really need it to stop, for me to go back to how things used to be, when you made me happy, my early blogs, when being around you made me smile, not cringe. when seeing you at the end of the hallway made me laugh, then hide it, and turn away before you saw. now it hits me, really hard, your presence makes me stop breathing for a moment, the smile i normally have slides off my face, and i just watch until you walk away.
and you know what?? people HAVENT NOTICED, no one has, im being hurt constantly by you, but you can ask anyone, and theyll say im not acting any differently, because i shield all of this away from everyone else. until it starts to kill me, and then i write it all down, in an attempt to get it off my chest. and one or two people will read it, and sometimes they give up half way through, because its not exactly entertaining, its just real. its just me, and just you. its just of story of two people, of unrequited love.
and it just kills.
Saturday, 20 September 2008
These Words - Natasha Bedingfield
I used to think it was crazy that I blogged practically every day. I thought that I was crazily obsessed with you, and most of my readers probably thought so too. But that’s not actually true.
I blog about you because it makes me feel free. It makes me feel like I can say whatever’s on my mind. I don’t have to watch what I say in case someone in particular reads it, because the people that read it don’t know you. Sure, some of them might recognise you when they see you cuz I pointed you out to them, but none of them know you.
So I get to say whatever’s on my mind. Without judgement. Because every girl has ‘that boy’, that they can say whatever they want about. And we all respect that we can say everything.
For me, you’re ‘that boy’. So I can say everything I feel. Especially since I haven’t yet used your name in a blog. I can just write and write and write. And everyone that knows me knows that I can talk on and on forever. That’s just what this is. Talking forever about something really close to my heart.
Someone once said about me “I’d never before met someone who could elaborate naturally on a subject without rehearsal, literally allowing the words to come from her heart”. And I guess that’s right. Everything from my heart lately is about you, as are all the words from my heart.So I’ll blog again soon, I just thought I’d share with you my revelation. (Big Word!)
Threw some chords together
The combination D-E-F
Its who I am, its what I do
And I was gonna lay it down for you
Try to focus my attention
But I feel so A-D-D
I need some help, some inspiration
(But it's not coming easily)
Whoah oh...
Trying to find the magic
Trying to write a classic
Don't you know, don't you know, don't you know?
Waste-bin full of paper
Clever rhymes, see you later
These words are my own
From my heart flow
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you
There's no other way
To better say
I love you, I love you...
Read some Byron, Shelly and Keats
Recited it over a Hip-Hop beat
I'm having trouble saying what I mean
With dead poets and drum machines
I know I had some studio time booked
But I couldn't find a killer hook
Now you've gone & raised the bar right up
Nothing I write is ever good enough
These words are my own
From my heart flow
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you
There's no other way
To better say
I love you, I love you...
I'm getting off my stage
The curtains pull away
No hyperbole to hide behind
My naked soul exposes
Whoah.. oh.. oh.. oh..
Whoah.. oh..
Trying to find the magic
Trying to write a classic
Waste-bin full of paper
Clever rhymes, see you later
These words are my own
From my heart flow
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you
That's all I got to say,
Can't think of a better way,
And that's all I've got to say,
I love you, is that okay?
I blog about you because it makes me feel free. It makes me feel like I can say whatever’s on my mind. I don’t have to watch what I say in case someone in particular reads it, because the people that read it don’t know you. Sure, some of them might recognise you when they see you cuz I pointed you out to them, but none of them know you.
So I get to say whatever’s on my mind. Without judgement. Because every girl has ‘that boy’, that they can say whatever they want about. And we all respect that we can say everything.
For me, you’re ‘that boy’. So I can say everything I feel. Especially since I haven’t yet used your name in a blog. I can just write and write and write. And everyone that knows me knows that I can talk on and on forever. That’s just what this is. Talking forever about something really close to my heart.
Someone once said about me “I’d never before met someone who could elaborate naturally on a subject without rehearsal, literally allowing the words to come from her heart”. And I guess that’s right. Everything from my heart lately is about you, as are all the words from my heart.So I’ll blog again soon, I just thought I’d share with you my revelation. (Big Word!)
Threw some chords together
The combination D-E-F
Its who I am, its what I do
And I was gonna lay it down for you
Try to focus my attention
But I feel so A-D-D
I need some help, some inspiration
(But it's not coming easily)
Whoah oh...
Trying to find the magic
Trying to write a classic
Don't you know, don't you know, don't you know?
Waste-bin full of paper
Clever rhymes, see you later
These words are my own
From my heart flow
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you
There's no other way
To better say
I love you, I love you...
Read some Byron, Shelly and Keats
Recited it over a Hip-Hop beat
I'm having trouble saying what I mean
With dead poets and drum machines
I know I had some studio time booked
But I couldn't find a killer hook
Now you've gone & raised the bar right up
Nothing I write is ever good enough
These words are my own
From my heart flow
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you
There's no other way
To better say
I love you, I love you...
I'm getting off my stage
The curtains pull away
No hyperbole to hide behind
My naked soul exposes
Whoah.. oh.. oh.. oh..
Whoah.. oh..
Trying to find the magic
Trying to write a classic
Waste-bin full of paper
Clever rhymes, see you later
These words are my own
From my heart flow
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you
That's all I got to say,
Can't think of a better way,
And that's all I've got to say,
I love you, is that okay?
Thursday, 18 September 2008
Have You Ever - Westlife
that last blog, whoa,
it went on forever, and it was so...raw.
i mean like thinking all of that stuff, was a real eyeopener, writing it all down made me feel free, but pressing the little "publish post" button, that made me feel so... exposed.
its like, the entire world can now view my inner thoughts at leisure, just like mind reading, but more honest, and it hurts, a little more, everytime a piece of me is taken away, everytime someone reads it.
i knew it would hurt. it always hurts, to know that someone will only ever be your friend, nothing more, nothing less 'let's just be friends' apart from 'we need to talk' those are probably the most awful 4 words a girl can hear.
but i could survive all of that, its the whole not-even-wanting-to-be-my-friend thing that hurts, because you dont, you truly want nothing to do with me.
people always say 'the worst thing in the world is sitting right next to him, and knowing that he'll never be yours' but have those people ever had to look at him, a hundred metres away, knowing that he'd never, in a million years, want to sit right next to you?
but you still, care, you still try.
because, although you're 99% sure he'll never ever take a second glance at you, it's that 1% of you that holds on, that 1% of you that wins, and you spend everyday walking past him with your friends, not because you enjoy hearing him tease and torment you, not because you like the way he annoys you, and laughs at you. but because, for 10 seconds, you get to hear his voice.
his deep, soft, beautiful voice, that makes you feel weak and strong at the same time; vulnerable, yet, protected, safe. it makes you feel sky high, but at the same time, so low, it makes you start to smile, but still, feel like crying.
it's the voice that makes your breathing get heavier, your head start to spin, and your heart start beating fatser and fatster. it makes you feel singing and laughing, but also, sometimes, just screaming!
and at night, when you're thinking about him, its the voice that you feel ringing in you ears.
and after everything that's happened, everything you've been through for him, you blame that voice, because without it, you would have never fallen for him without it. and you'd never be in this mess
Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry?
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night?
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right?
Have you ever?
Have you ever?
Have you ever been in love
Been in love so bad
You'd do anything
To make them understand?
Have you ever had someone
Steal your heart away?
You'd give anything
To make them feel the same?
Have you ever searched for words
To get you in their heart
But you don't know what to say
And you don't know where to start?
Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry?
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night?
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right?
Have you ever?
Have you ever?
Have you ever found the one
You've dreamed of all your life?
You'd do just about anything T
o look into their eyes?
Have you finally found the one
You've given your heart to
Only to find that one
Won't give their heart to you?
Have you ever closed your eyes and
Dreamed that they were there?
And all you can do is wait
For that day when they will care?
Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry?
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night?
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right?
Have you ever?
Have you ever?
What do I gotta do to get you in my arms, baby?
What do I gotta say to get to your heart
To make you understand
How I need you next to me?
Gotta get you in my world
'Cause, baby, I can't sleep
Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry?
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night?
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right?
Have you ever?
Have you ever?
Have you ever?
it went on forever, and it was so...raw.
i mean like thinking all of that stuff, was a real eyeopener, writing it all down made me feel free, but pressing the little "publish post" button, that made me feel so... exposed.
its like, the entire world can now view my inner thoughts at leisure, just like mind reading, but more honest, and it hurts, a little more, everytime a piece of me is taken away, everytime someone reads it.
i knew it would hurt. it always hurts, to know that someone will only ever be your friend, nothing more, nothing less 'let's just be friends' apart from 'we need to talk' those are probably the most awful 4 words a girl can hear.
but i could survive all of that, its the whole not-even-wanting-to-be-my-friend thing that hurts, because you dont, you truly want nothing to do with me.
people always say 'the worst thing in the world is sitting right next to him, and knowing that he'll never be yours' but have those people ever had to look at him, a hundred metres away, knowing that he'd never, in a million years, want to sit right next to you?
but you still, care, you still try.
because, although you're 99% sure he'll never ever take a second glance at you, it's that 1% of you that holds on, that 1% of you that wins, and you spend everyday walking past him with your friends, not because you enjoy hearing him tease and torment you, not because you like the way he annoys you, and laughs at you. but because, for 10 seconds, you get to hear his voice.
his deep, soft, beautiful voice, that makes you feel weak and strong at the same time; vulnerable, yet, protected, safe. it makes you feel sky high, but at the same time, so low, it makes you start to smile, but still, feel like crying.
it's the voice that makes your breathing get heavier, your head start to spin, and your heart start beating fatser and fatster. it makes you feel singing and laughing, but also, sometimes, just screaming!
and at night, when you're thinking about him, its the voice that you feel ringing in you ears.
and after everything that's happened, everything you've been through for him, you blame that voice, because without it, you would have never fallen for him without it. and you'd never be in this mess
Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry?
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night?
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right?
Have you ever?
Have you ever?
Have you ever been in love
Been in love so bad
You'd do anything
To make them understand?
Have you ever had someone
Steal your heart away?
You'd give anything
To make them feel the same?
Have you ever searched for words
To get you in their heart
But you don't know what to say
And you don't know where to start?
Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry?
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night?
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right?
Have you ever?
Have you ever?
Have you ever found the one
You've dreamed of all your life?
You'd do just about anything T
o look into their eyes?
Have you finally found the one
You've given your heart to
Only to find that one
Won't give their heart to you?
Have you ever closed your eyes and
Dreamed that they were there?
And all you can do is wait
For that day when they will care?
Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry?
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night?
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right?
Have you ever?
Have you ever?
What do I gotta do to get you in my arms, baby?
What do I gotta say to get to your heart
To make you understand
How I need you next to me?
Gotta get you in my world
'Cause, baby, I can't sleep
Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry?
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night?
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right?
Have you ever?
Have you ever?
Have you ever?
Tuesday, 16 September 2008
Hear Without A Home - Westlife/Nick Carter
i havent blogged about you in forever
you see everything else in my life is going awesome
and you? not so much
everything else falls into place, except for you
and i dont want my whole life to revolve around you
im so over all of that
guys are just "the icing"
ur not supposed to mean so much to me
so i havent blogged about you
ive made an effort not to
my blogspot was a happy, friendly place
people smiled, and reminisced
thats how it should be, i dont want it all about you
i dont want you to mean that much to me
but you do, you mean the world to me
and thats not so bad, i guess
its just sort of annoying
especially since you hate me so much
which i dont get by the way
why do you hate me??
im not that bad a person
im alright once you get to know me
which you dont!!
with you, i dont deserve a second chance,
i deserve a first one
cuz you never gave me that
you never gave me a chance
maybe im not actually as bad as you think
maybe im a good person
did you ever think of that??
you know, i was walking to the station this morning,
and i was thinking about how, every song i knowit relates to someone in my life
each person has one or two songs ill hear, and think of them
but you, every song i hear relates to you
and I KNOW, im doing it again
im being all cheesy and uggh
but, i need you to get this!
i think, when i started to like you, i made the decision
well, you hated me, and i was scared of that
i didnt want someone to hate me, so i gave you a reason
i gave myself a 'woe is me'
i think i made this conscious decision to like you
so i tried to get to know you better, it was logical, right?
i hardly knew you, you hated me
that scared me, that made me feel bad about myself
i thought, maybe if i figured you out
id understand why you hated me
i did, i started paying attention to you
i noticed that, deep down, you're nice!
when someone's standing or sitting on the floor, you give them your seat
or the year 7s with squad, you carry their suitcases down stairs
you're a really nice person, to everyone except me!
so, deciding to like you made me start to like you
and i know, this whole thing sounds stupid
but i just want you to understand this
i want you to understand that i love who you are
who you are around everyone else in the world
do you know how nice you are to perfect strangers??
and yet, with me, youve never cared
and i really want you to care!
i want you to give a damn about me!
i want you to know me, for who i am
and maybe, youd actually like me
im gonna go now
because there are about a million things i could be doing that are a lot more important than writing this...
i just wanted you to get it...
I love to watch you
You're like candy to my eyes
Like a movie that you've seen
But you gotta watch just one more time
But that smile you're wearing
It's a beautiful disguise
It's just something you put on
To hide the emptiness inside
And you seem so lonely
But you don't have to anymore...
If you're a heart without a home
A rebel without a cause
If you feel as though
You're always stranded on the shore
Like a thief in the night
Let me steal your heart away
Baby if a reason’s, what you're looking for
I'll be yours
I'll be yours
You need a new sensation
One you never had before
I got a feeling if I gave you some
You'd probably want some more
Did you know that baby
You're the bluebird in my sky
I only wanna make you happy cause
I love to see you fly
And if you feel lonely
You don't have to anymore
If you're a heart without a home
A rebel without a cause
If you feel as though
You're always stranded on the shore
Like a thief in the night
Let me steal your heart away
Baby if a reason’s, what you're looking for
I'll be yours
I'll be yours
A rebel without a cause
If you feel as though
You're always stranded on the shore
Like a thief in the night
Let me steal your heart away
Baby if a reason’s, what you're looking for
I'll be yours
I'll be yours
I'll be the raft in the tide
I'll be yours
I'll be the truth in the light
And what's more
When no one opens the door
I'll be the hope that you're looking for
If you're a heart without a home
A rebel without a cause
If you feel as though
You're always stranded on the shore
Like a thief in the night
Let me steal your heart away
Baby if a reason’s, what you're looking for
I'll be yours
A rebel without a cause
If you feel as though
You're always stranded on the shore
Like a thief in the night
Let me steal your heart away
Baby if a reason’s, what you're looking for
I'll be yours
I'll be yours...
Sunday, 14 September 2008
Let's Smile
I am really, really happy. Which sorta scares me, because I know it won’t last. It’s like, when I go to bed, I’m looking forward to waking up in the morning. And I know, I know, that’s a good thing, right? I mean like, I haven’t been this happy in so long, I love it; I really, really love it, it is such an amazing feeling, everyday I look forward to school, everyday I look forward to coming home, I look forward to the weekend, then look forward to the week. I loved yesterday, it felt like summer, everything was beautiful and sunny, and even though I spent a good 4 hours studying, I had a blast.
WHAT”S WRONG WITH ME???
But I’m loving life so much, I’m so lucky, my life is perfect at the moment, it’s like, so hard to find something to wish for on a Santa :), which is awesome! But there is that very small part of me that is so scared, that this is the calm before the storm, because things are getting better everyday, people are telling me wonderful things for the future, and I don’t know how long life continues like this before it just hits rock bottom.
I know that this time last year, I was about to hit rock bottom, hating school, but hating home all the more, the school holidays were a drag, everything sucked. I’m scared that that’s going to happen to me again, and that this time; I won’t be able to stop it.
I once said that my greatest ambition in life is to be able to make myself happy, not rely on any one else, be able to make myself smile. I think that maybe that was a little unrealistic, other people’s joy brings me joy, and other people laughing makes me laugh, I will always rely on them. But maybe, it’s all about give and take; if my life continues so wonderfully, other people’s lives will start to suck. They’ll stop laughing, they won’t be happy. Then I’ll stop being happy, and other people’s lives will improve. Maybe we’re all just stuck in some sick, vicious circle.
Or maybe, we all have the ability to be joyful, and maybe, we know deep down that next year, we will miss this year, and so on for the rest of our lives. Maybe, if we figure out what part of this year we will miss next year, we can enjoy it, because we all know that we didn’t make the most of last year, or even the year before that. But if we stop dwelling on the past, and we appreciate the present, and look forward to the future, maybe we can finally be happy, maybe that’s the secret. Maybe it’s not about having the best friends ((which I do, so clearly you don’t)), maybe it’s not about the most money, or the most people in your class from last year. Maybe it’s not even about who we talk to, or who’s in our family. Maybe, if we appreciate every single day, and we live it as if it is our last ((and hey, let’s be realistic, it could be)), maybe we will be happy, joyous, blissful even! Maybe, that’s the only way to get the most out of life! Maybe if we realise what’s right there in front of us, we can love it!
So everybody who actually managed to get to the end of this blog, I would like you to comment on it. Comment with one thing about this year that you will miss when we get to year 10, and everytime you’re pissed of or annoyed, remember that one thing, and SMILE!! So that other people can smile too, and soon, we will all be smiling :)
WHAT”S WRONG WITH ME???
But I’m loving life so much, I’m so lucky, my life is perfect at the moment, it’s like, so hard to find something to wish for on a Santa :), which is awesome! But there is that very small part of me that is so scared, that this is the calm before the storm, because things are getting better everyday, people are telling me wonderful things for the future, and I don’t know how long life continues like this before it just hits rock bottom.
I know that this time last year, I was about to hit rock bottom, hating school, but hating home all the more, the school holidays were a drag, everything sucked. I’m scared that that’s going to happen to me again, and that this time; I won’t be able to stop it.
I once said that my greatest ambition in life is to be able to make myself happy, not rely on any one else, be able to make myself smile. I think that maybe that was a little unrealistic, other people’s joy brings me joy, and other people laughing makes me laugh, I will always rely on them. But maybe, it’s all about give and take; if my life continues so wonderfully, other people’s lives will start to suck. They’ll stop laughing, they won’t be happy. Then I’ll stop being happy, and other people’s lives will improve. Maybe we’re all just stuck in some sick, vicious circle.
Or maybe, we all have the ability to be joyful, and maybe, we know deep down that next year, we will miss this year, and so on for the rest of our lives. Maybe, if we figure out what part of this year we will miss next year, we can enjoy it, because we all know that we didn’t make the most of last year, or even the year before that. But if we stop dwelling on the past, and we appreciate the present, and look forward to the future, maybe we can finally be happy, maybe that’s the secret. Maybe it’s not about having the best friends ((which I do, so clearly you don’t)), maybe it’s not about the most money, or the most people in your class from last year. Maybe it’s not even about who we talk to, or who’s in our family. Maybe, if we appreciate every single day, and we live it as if it is our last ((and hey, let’s be realistic, it could be)), maybe we will be happy, joyous, blissful even! Maybe, that’s the only way to get the most out of life! Maybe if we realise what’s right there in front of us, we can love it!
So everybody who actually managed to get to the end of this blog, I would like you to comment on it. Comment with one thing about this year that you will miss when we get to year 10, and everytime you’re pissed of or annoyed, remember that one thing, and SMILE!! So that other people can smile too, and soon, we will all be smiling :)
Friday, 12 September 2008
TAXXD from amy
i know i know, i always steal these thingos off amy, i love her ok!!
If something was wrong, who is the first boy you would go to?
my puppy dog – the very first!
Who is the first girl you go to?
hmm, I don’t think I really go to my girls when things are wrong
If someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?
YESSS, that would be nice, stupid!
Do you prefer to take showers at night or in the morning?
in the morning, so I feel clean during the day
Which year has been the best so far?
07 :)
Ever found more than a dollar in a random place?
LOL, no :(
Do you believe that if you want something bad enough you'll get it?
I believe that you get the things you need, and if you want something that bad, maybe you need it (that’s my way of saying yes)
Break someones heart or have your heart broken?
learn to love each other:)
Are you a morning person or a night person?
I like the daytime :)
When was the last time you did the dishes?
few days ago
Are you talking to anyone while doing this?
AMY
Three feelings at the moment?
happy, confused, hurt
What are you scared of?
{your face} not having people there when I need them
Are you thinking of someone right now?
yep, the person i need :( but havnt spoken to in forever
What are you looking forward to?
tomorrow, and the next day (not the day after that) but the day after that, and the day after that, and the rest of my life :)
What did you do the last time you were home alone?
uhh, I think I cried too
Are you tanned?
no its like, practically still winter
Do you get jealous easily?
no way, only ever about friends
How good is your eyesight?
pretty good
Worst part about hugs?
there is never a bad part in a hug
When was the last time something bothered you?
things always bother me
What is your current mood?
umm, hopeful
Last person you hung out with?
bus/train peeps
What sport do you enjoy watching?
OLYPMICS!! Or nrl
Could you date someone who was gay? yeh, why do you know a gay guy you can introduce me to?? I need gay friends :)
Whats the last thing someone said to you? who was it?
"no she doesn’t "– my sister
What is the last thing you thought about?
my bus, the people on it :) *tap tap*
How do you feel about your hair right now?
lol, its awful!! That’s the reason my teachers knew I had a water fight (oh amy, my hair keeps getting stuff in it too…)
What do you miss most about the past?
yessss, playing cards under the stairs.. when bryan and osmond were part of our group :):)
Has anyone told you a secret this week?
no, I don’t think so, well, define secret
Do you get along better with men or women?
I think women
Last time you had butterflies in your stomach?
uhh, on the bus
Who was the last person to make you cry?
I don’t wanna say
Are you jealous of anyone?
noo :) ohh, maybe the chic who was in Canberra a few weeks ago :(
Do you have a best friend?
noo
What is your favo(u)rite thing about the opposite sex?
they always surprise you, even when they’re being stupid, they’ll say something, and you’ll think “wow”
Ever liked someone else’s boyfriend or girlfriend ?
noo
Does heartbreak really feel as bad as it sounds ?
hearts don’t break, they bend:)
Are you happy with your life right now?
completely!! It’s like perfect
Do you wish you could have changed things?
no way
How many bestfriends do you have?
none.
Do you trust them?
I don’t think I completely trust anyone.
Do you like anyone right now?
yess, flying saucers :)
Whats one thing you wish you could have?
wisdom
Are any of your friends birthdays this week?
ADITI’s yesterday
Do you like people?well, I guess, people are ok…yeh! People rock!
Is there someone you wish you could see more?
ya think.
Do you have all your friends phone numbers memorized?
nooo, they’re on my phone, I don’t need to know them, right?
Do you have a cellphone?
MOBILE!!! yes
What always makes you feel better?
music, smiling
Name someone you go to when your upset
puppy dog.
Do they help you?
yeh, listening without judging helps
Are you a trustworthy person?
yes, why?? You wanna tell me something?
If something was wrong, who is the first boy you would go to?
my puppy dog – the very first!
Who is the first girl you go to?
hmm, I don’t think I really go to my girls when things are wrong
If someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?
YESSS, that would be nice, stupid!
Do you prefer to take showers at night or in the morning?
in the morning, so I feel clean during the day
Which year has been the best so far?
07 :)
Ever found more than a dollar in a random place?
LOL, no :(
Do you believe that if you want something bad enough you'll get it?
I believe that you get the things you need, and if you want something that bad, maybe you need it (that’s my way of saying yes)
Break someones heart or have your heart broken?
learn to love each other:)
Are you a morning person or a night person?
I like the daytime :)
When was the last time you did the dishes?
few days ago
Are you talking to anyone while doing this?
AMY
Three feelings at the moment?
happy, confused, hurt
What are you scared of?
{your face} not having people there when I need them
Are you thinking of someone right now?
yep, the person i need :( but havnt spoken to in forever
What are you looking forward to?
tomorrow, and the next day (not the day after that) but the day after that, and the day after that, and the rest of my life :)
What did you do the last time you were home alone?
uhh, I think I cried too
Are you tanned?
no its like, practically still winter
Do you get jealous easily?
no way, only ever about friends
How good is your eyesight?
pretty good
Worst part about hugs?
there is never a bad part in a hug
When was the last time something bothered you?
things always bother me
What is your current mood?
umm, hopeful
Last person you hung out with?
bus/train peeps
What sport do you enjoy watching?
OLYPMICS!! Or nrl
Could you date someone who was gay? yeh, why do you know a gay guy you can introduce me to?? I need gay friends :)
Whats the last thing someone said to you? who was it?
"no she doesn’t "– my sister
What is the last thing you thought about?
my bus, the people on it :) *tap tap*
How do you feel about your hair right now?
lol, its awful!! That’s the reason my teachers knew I had a water fight (oh amy, my hair keeps getting stuff in it too…)
What do you miss most about the past?
yessss, playing cards under the stairs.. when bryan and osmond were part of our group :):)
Has anyone told you a secret this week?
no, I don’t think so, well, define secret
Do you get along better with men or women?
I think women
Last time you had butterflies in your stomach?
uhh, on the bus
Who was the last person to make you cry?
I don’t wanna say
Are you jealous of anyone?
noo :) ohh, maybe the chic who was in Canberra a few weeks ago :(
Do you have a best friend?
noo
What is your favo(u)rite thing about the opposite sex?
they always surprise you, even when they’re being stupid, they’ll say something, and you’ll think “wow”
Ever liked someone else’s boyfriend or girlfriend ?
noo
Does heartbreak really feel as bad as it sounds ?
hearts don’t break, they bend:)
Are you happy with your life right now?
completely!! It’s like perfect
Do you wish you could have changed things?
no way
How many bestfriends do you have?
none.
Do you trust them?
I don’t think I completely trust anyone.
Do you like anyone right now?
yess, flying saucers :)
Whats one thing you wish you could have?
wisdom
Are any of your friends birthdays this week?
ADITI’s yesterday
Do you like people?well, I guess, people are ok…yeh! People rock!
Is there someone you wish you could see more?
ya think.
Do you have all your friends phone numbers memorized?
nooo, they’re on my phone, I don’t need to know them, right?
Do you have a cellphone?
MOBILE!!! yes
What always makes you feel better?
music, smiling
Name someone you go to when your upset
puppy dog.
Do they help you?
yeh, listening without judging helps
Are you a trustworthy person?
yes, why?? You wanna tell me something?
Persons of my life<3
Ok, I’m gonna pull a leaf out of Amy’s book, and blog about people using only numbers. Half way through this, I started watching Australian Idol, so I begin to sound a bit like the judges, my bad. You can guess who each one is, and tell me wherever, but you probably wont get most right... unless you're a ninja. Anyways, half are guys, half are girls, and there’s one group in here. But these are all the people of my life…
Person 1
You’re the obvious one. Everyone knows who you are, the reason I wrote this blog, and the first person that springs to mind when I think of people in my life. I may hate you with every fibre of my being, but I think I’m starting to fall in love with you too, and that is an amazing feeling.
Person 2
You’re my rock. I love crying on your shoulder, although sometimes I find it hard. I sorta wish it was easier to tell you stuff, and easier for you to tell me stuff. We have a great friendship, but I know it could be so much better if we just trusted each other a little more. :)
Person 3
You’re the consistent one. I don’t think I’ve appreciated you much until the last week. You’ve always been there, and I can count on you to laugh at my stupid jokes, cuz you find them funny (don’t know why though). It’s taken me a lot to appreciate you, and I feel bad because other people are jealous of the friendship I have with you and I didn’t eve give it a second thought. But those other people have helped me learn to appreciate you.
Person 4
You’re new. I pretty much just met you this year, but you’re awesome. I don’t think we’re exactly friends, but hey, you got onto my peoples thing, right? I really like you, and I think it would be cool if we became friends, but there's something mssing from our friendship. I think if we knew each other better we'd be great.
Person 5
Wow. That’s the best word. In the last week, we have gone from people who randomly say ‘hi’ to each other on MSN to people who share a deep, amazing connection. I know that if you read this, you would completely understand what I’m talking about, and I’m glad that we can make such an impact on each other’s lives.
Person 6
You’re just always there. Not like person 3, because I’ve always appreciated you. No matter where I am, you’re close, and I love how we can influence each other. You’re always gonna be there for me when times get tough, or I don’t know what I’m doing, and thank you so much for that.
Person 7
I don’t know if I classify you one of my friends, but I think I might. I mainly talk to you about school stuff, but we help each other out all the time. I see you heaps, and although I never really talked to you before this year, I enjoy spending time with you.
Person 8
You’re just odd. I’m not even gonna try and disguise who you are. You’re the person who I’ve never really understood, and I don’t know why. It’s like, I hate and love you at the same time, and I think you feel the same for me. I don’t get why we’re not close, we just aren’t, even though you’re a great person.
Person 9
You’re distant. I find it hard to get close to you, you don’t like being close to people, and I can’t help but feel like that’s because you’ve been hurt by people in the past. I’d love to see what happened if you gave someone a chance, because I think you deserve it, and the rest of the world deserves to see that part of you.
Person 10
You’re a little undefined. I consider you a really close friend of mine, but I’m still very scared to tell you things, I haven’t really developed a strong trust with you, and I think that’s holding us back from a great friendship.
Person 1
You’re the obvious one. Everyone knows who you are, the reason I wrote this blog, and the first person that springs to mind when I think of people in my life. I may hate you with every fibre of my being, but I think I’m starting to fall in love with you too, and that is an amazing feeling.
Person 2
You’re my rock. I love crying on your shoulder, although sometimes I find it hard. I sorta wish it was easier to tell you stuff, and easier for you to tell me stuff. We have a great friendship, but I know it could be so much better if we just trusted each other a little more. :)
Person 3
You’re the consistent one. I don’t think I’ve appreciated you much until the last week. You’ve always been there, and I can count on you to laugh at my stupid jokes, cuz you find them funny (don’t know why though). It’s taken me a lot to appreciate you, and I feel bad because other people are jealous of the friendship I have with you and I didn’t eve give it a second thought. But those other people have helped me learn to appreciate you.
Person 4
You’re new. I pretty much just met you this year, but you’re awesome. I don’t think we’re exactly friends, but hey, you got onto my peoples thing, right? I really like you, and I think it would be cool if we became friends, but there's something mssing from our friendship. I think if we knew each other better we'd be great.
Person 5
Wow. That’s the best word. In the last week, we have gone from people who randomly say ‘hi’ to each other on MSN to people who share a deep, amazing connection. I know that if you read this, you would completely understand what I’m talking about, and I’m glad that we can make such an impact on each other’s lives.
Person 6
You’re just always there. Not like person 3, because I’ve always appreciated you. No matter where I am, you’re close, and I love how we can influence each other. You’re always gonna be there for me when times get tough, or I don’t know what I’m doing, and thank you so much for that.
Person 7
I don’t know if I classify you one of my friends, but I think I might. I mainly talk to you about school stuff, but we help each other out all the time. I see you heaps, and although I never really talked to you before this year, I enjoy spending time with you.
Person 8
You’re just odd. I’m not even gonna try and disguise who you are. You’re the person who I’ve never really understood, and I don’t know why. It’s like, I hate and love you at the same time, and I think you feel the same for me. I don’t get why we’re not close, we just aren’t, even though you’re a great person.
Person 9
You’re distant. I find it hard to get close to you, you don’t like being close to people, and I can’t help but feel like that’s because you’ve been hurt by people in the past. I’d love to see what happened if you gave someone a chance, because I think you deserve it, and the rest of the world deserves to see that part of you.
Person 10
You’re a little undefined. I consider you a really close friend of mine, but I’m still very scared to tell you things, I haven’t really developed a strong trust with you, and I think that’s holding us back from a great friendship.
Sunday, 7 September 2008
040908/050908 - Awesomely awesome :)
Thursday and Friday were such awesomely awesome days, I don’t think I spent all that much time with my group as a whole, I mean like, I spent a little, but not heaps. I just spent alone time with everyone, it was really nice.
Ok, Thursday:
P1 Maths: Had Jones, Osmond and me took Annie and Lucy’s seats, and played cards with Tan and Bryan. I kept winning :) and I got all my work done, oh yeahs, skills!!
P2 History: In computer room, didn’t get anything done, talking to Shai, Corinne and tan about IPT assignment, got some info on Canberra and Phar lap for me and Corinne.
Recess: Just sorta bummed around our table, spent some alone time Lisa:) but didn’t really do much. People came and went, it was just nice.
P3 IPT: Argued with Payne the whole lesson, our entire class did, came to agreement that our assignment id due on Thursday…I realized that I won’t get it done…hmmm, maybe I shouldn’t be noggin then…meh, study break. :)
P4 English: Just read through our book. I was Hortensio cuz Shiri couldn’t be bothered, but I never remembered to read, Shailin did IPT work in her book, we realized that our system has no data flow :( so DFD is really easy :) (Sorry for my nerdtalk, I shall stop now)
Lunch: Short Oaktree meeting, peoples went to Movie Arvo. When I came back, Amy + Jenny were gone, so I started to play Mafia with the reject shop. Then Bryan, Osmond, Charles walked by to play cards, so I joined them instead.
P5 Science: Remnants of our class joined with remnants of 9R, to watch a video that almost everyone fell asleep during.
P6 Music: Had fun! Our group wrote chords/mood to our song, annoyed other groups and were annoyed in return.
FRIDAYYY
P1 Music: Killed yesterdays mood and chords, came up with new ones, started writing lyrics, we actually like our song now.
P2 Maths: Had Jones again, played cards again, but Jones stood behind us a bit, so not as good as Thursday.
Assembly: Mr. Norris went on and on and on about random things. Had oneweek. Announcement, just randoms, Lana got books :)
Recess: Walked with Amy in rain, that was cool. (Timmy, Timmy, Timmy =D) Remembered who Victor was.
P3 English: Looked at Lana’s books, read Taming Of The Shrew, boringness.
P4 IPT: (You may ignore the future nerdtalk) Argued whether or not our system was a system, as it had no input data flow. Realised that brochure is an output of system, still can’t convince Payne. Grrr
Lunch: Walked with Amy in rain again, people chucked water at each other. Found Tan, scabbed cards, played 13. Judy dumped heaps of water on Jenny/Lisa, was funny.
P5 Science: Did nothing except prac, which actually worked for us. But we didn’t have enough dye, and we shouldn’t have used the stopper with the tubing.
P6 History: We all thought we had computer time, but we just watched video, it was alright, but money just disappeared, how?
After school: Train was delayed and we missed bus :), got to walk home in rain, then my mummy rang, and I realised I’m not allowed to walk home, but she was ok with it, cuz we missed bus =D
Ok, Thursday:
P1 Maths: Had Jones, Osmond and me took Annie and Lucy’s seats, and played cards with Tan and Bryan. I kept winning :) and I got all my work done, oh yeahs, skills!!
P2 History: In computer room, didn’t get anything done, talking to Shai, Corinne and tan about IPT assignment, got some info on Canberra and Phar lap for me and Corinne.
Recess: Just sorta bummed around our table, spent some alone time Lisa:) but didn’t really do much. People came and went, it was just nice.
P3 IPT: Argued with Payne the whole lesson, our entire class did, came to agreement that our assignment id due on Thursday…I realized that I won’t get it done…hmmm, maybe I shouldn’t be noggin then…meh, study break. :)
P4 English: Just read through our book. I was Hortensio cuz Shiri couldn’t be bothered, but I never remembered to read, Shailin did IPT work in her book, we realized that our system has no data flow :( so DFD is really easy :) (Sorry for my nerdtalk, I shall stop now)
Lunch: Short Oaktree meeting, peoples went to Movie Arvo. When I came back, Amy + Jenny were gone, so I started to play Mafia with the reject shop. Then Bryan, Osmond, Charles walked by to play cards, so I joined them instead.
P5 Science: Remnants of our class joined with remnants of 9R, to watch a video that almost everyone fell asleep during.
P6 Music: Had fun! Our group wrote chords/mood to our song, annoyed other groups and were annoyed in return.
FRIDAYYY
P1 Music: Killed yesterdays mood and chords, came up with new ones, started writing lyrics, we actually like our song now.
P2 Maths: Had Jones again, played cards again, but Jones stood behind us a bit, so not as good as Thursday.
Assembly: Mr. Norris went on and on and on about random things. Had oneweek. Announcement, just randoms, Lana got books :)
Recess: Walked with Amy in rain, that was cool. (Timmy, Timmy, Timmy =D) Remembered who Victor was.
P3 English: Looked at Lana’s books, read Taming Of The Shrew, boringness.
P4 IPT: (You may ignore the future nerdtalk) Argued whether or not our system was a system, as it had no input data flow. Realised that brochure is an output of system, still can’t convince Payne. Grrr
Lunch: Walked with Amy in rain again, people chucked water at each other. Found Tan, scabbed cards, played 13. Judy dumped heaps of water on Jenny/Lisa, was funny.
P5 Science: Did nothing except prac, which actually worked for us. But we didn’t have enough dye, and we shouldn’t have used the stopper with the tubing.
P6 History: We all thought we had computer time, but we just watched video, it was alright, but money just disappeared, how?
After school: Train was delayed and we missed bus :), got to walk home in rain, then my mummy rang, and I realised I’m not allowed to walk home, but she was ok with it, cuz we missed bus =D
Caring <33
i think i care too much
like... about everyone, im so annoying, they're starting to hate me cuz i love them
its like...
my dad, yeah? he's in the car today, and he doesnt have his seat belt on properly, and then he tells me it's broken, so im like, sit in the back seat. but then he cant suervise my sister whilst she's driving. so, im like... maybe you should drive then, instead of almost killing urself in that seatbelt, and he's like... shoosh, ur sister's trying to drive.
and then my sister, she puts 2 L-plates on the back of her car, so its like, twice as safe, but then she puts them really close together, so i said, spread them out, cuz then its even safer. she says no. so im like, but theyre so close together, you may as well only have one. and says, shuttup ebony, you dont know what you're talking about.
and there's more, but i cant be bothered to write out.
maybe, i shouldnt care anymore, cuz its not like they appreciate it, i mean like, whats the point?? i dunno... im just not bothered anymore
like... about everyone, im so annoying, they're starting to hate me cuz i love them
its like...
my dad, yeah? he's in the car today, and he doesnt have his seat belt on properly, and then he tells me it's broken, so im like, sit in the back seat. but then he cant suervise my sister whilst she's driving. so, im like... maybe you should drive then, instead of almost killing urself in that seatbelt, and he's like... shoosh, ur sister's trying to drive.
and then my sister, she puts 2 L-plates on the back of her car, so its like, twice as safe, but then she puts them really close together, so i said, spread them out, cuz then its even safer. she says no. so im like, but theyre so close together, you may as well only have one. and says, shuttup ebony, you dont know what you're talking about.
and there's more, but i cant be bothered to write out.
maybe, i shouldnt care anymore, cuz its not like they appreciate it, i mean like, whats the point?? i dunno... im just not bothered anymore
Wednesday, 3 September 2008
FNT - Semisonic
ok, ur really starting to confuse me, i mean like, i finally figured out why you keep talking to me, cuz it reminds you of her, yeah? yeah. but thats cool, i enjoy hearing your voice so thats all ok.
what i dont get is why you've started talking to me about random stuff, like, youll put in an effort to tell me useless stuff about your day that in some weird random way relates to me, i dont geddit, why? but i mean like, im not complaining, i love it when you talk to me...
they say that when you love someone, you like it when they same your name, cuz ur name feels safe in their mouth. i dont think i love you, but i understand what they're talking about. my name is safe in your mouth and i like that safe feeling
so i went really close to telling nikki about you on monday, like, really close, i seriously considered it, if shed aske'd me who i was talking about, i would have said you. but she didnt ask, well, she sorta did, but not straight out, and i didnt wanna tell her if she didnt wanna know.
so, as always, i must end with a song, its tradition, i cant just break it cuz i cant find the perfect song today, right? so i considered writing another remix, but thtat's cheating, besides, i did that on staurday, i cant cheat twice. so ive picked a song that my sister got me interested in, now im starting to really like it, and it reminds me more and more of you everyday. except for one thing, the song says you're perfect, and your not, you're flawed. very flawed. i love your flaws. maybe that means i still see you as perfect, i dunno, i just wanted to clear that up, so here we go...F.N.T.(yes, it stands for fascinating new thing)
Fascinating new thing
You delight me, and I know you're speaking of me
Fascinating new thing
Get beside me, I want you to love me
I'm surprised that you've never been told before
That you're lovely
And you're perfect
And that somebody wants you
Fascinating new thing
The scene makin', want a temporary saviour
Fascinating new thing
Don't betray them by becoming familiar
I'm surprised that you've never been told before
That you're lovely
And you're perfect
And that somebody wants you
I'm surprised that you've never been told before
That you're priceless
Yeah, you're precious
Even when you are not new
I'm surprised that you've never been told before
That you're lovely
And you're perfect
And that somebody wants you
I'm surprised that you've never been told before
That you're priceless
Yeah, you're holy
Even when you are not new
what i dont get is why you've started talking to me about random stuff, like, youll put in an effort to tell me useless stuff about your day that in some weird random way relates to me, i dont geddit, why? but i mean like, im not complaining, i love it when you talk to me...
they say that when you love someone, you like it when they same your name, cuz ur name feels safe in their mouth. i dont think i love you, but i understand what they're talking about. my name is safe in your mouth and i like that safe feeling
so i went really close to telling nikki about you on monday, like, really close, i seriously considered it, if shed aske'd me who i was talking about, i would have said you. but she didnt ask, well, she sorta did, but not straight out, and i didnt wanna tell her if she didnt wanna know.
so, as always, i must end with a song, its tradition, i cant just break it cuz i cant find the perfect song today, right? so i considered writing another remix, but thtat's cheating, besides, i did that on staurday, i cant cheat twice. so ive picked a song that my sister got me interested in, now im starting to really like it, and it reminds me more and more of you everyday. except for one thing, the song says you're perfect, and your not, you're flawed. very flawed. i love your flaws. maybe that means i still see you as perfect, i dunno, i just wanted to clear that up, so here we go...F.N.T.(yes, it stands for fascinating new thing)
Fascinating new thing
You delight me, and I know you're speaking of me
Fascinating new thing
Get beside me, I want you to love me
I'm surprised that you've never been told before
That you're lovely
And you're perfect
And that somebody wants you
Fascinating new thing
The scene makin', want a temporary saviour
Fascinating new thing
Don't betray them by becoming familiar
I'm surprised that you've never been told before
That you're lovely
And you're perfect
And that somebody wants you
I'm surprised that you've never been told before
That you're priceless
Yeah, you're precious
Even when you are not new
I'm surprised that you've never been told before
That you're lovely
And you're perfect
And that somebody wants you
I'm surprised that you've never been told before
That you're priceless
Yeah, you're holy
Even when you are not new
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