Unrequited Love ~ Story Of My Life

ohh, so many things to say, i started off using this blog with really really long blogs. it was quite weird actaully, they went on for forever. now, theve sorta shrunk a little, until a couple of days ago, when i flooded it again, and havent posted a blog that wasnt about you since.

i havent seen you that much in the past few days, although we had the first conversation where neither of us said anything remotely mean to the other. ah, such a beautiful change.

speaking of beautiful, you looked amazing yeterday. i know, it wasnt that different to normal, but i love that shirt :) you've only ever worn it once before that was the day i admitted to myself that yes, i actually liked you.

you almost didnt come yesterday, i think i was excited by that, because it meant that i could be myself. whenever you're there, i dont focus, i dont do anything properly, i dont pay attention, and i was glad that you werent there. but when you walked in, i definately wasnt disapointed :L

so, ive told heaps of people about you lately. never by name, just "this guy in yr 10, you won't know him", and people dont, because, you're not like the rest of your annoying grade. everyone knows them as being mean and stupid; neither of which you are, well, you're mean to me, but not anyone else.

and again, we're back on that, of course we are, i bring it up every blog, you hating me. me loving you. see how that doesnt work?? and i know, i know, its getting old, me telling you all the time how much i hate that you hate me, and how much it hurts me, and now im just sounding like a broken record, but it hurts so much. at the moment, my life is so beautiful, im so happy, i laugh EVERYDAY, multiple times... and then i think of you, and i cry, and my mums like, 'what's up?' and i have nothing to say, i shake my head, and smile, and forget about you, even if only for a while. and then, lying in bed at night, when i try to fall asleep, i crack.

you put me through this everyday, and i take it. everyday, i put up with it. i put up with you ignoring me half the time, and insulting me the rest, i put up with being hurt by being around you, just so i can be near you. but its getting so hard...

i just really need it to stop, for me to go back to how things used to be, when you made me happy, my early blogs, when being around you made me smile, not cringe. when seeing you at the end of the hallway made me laugh, then hide it, and turn away before you saw. now it hits me, really hard, your presence makes me stop breathing for a moment, the smile i normally have slides off my face, and i just watch until you walk away.

and you know what?? people HAVENT NOTICED, no one has, im being hurt constantly by you, but you can ask anyone, and theyll say im not acting any differently, because i shield all of this away from everyone else. until it starts to kill me, and then i write it all down, in an attempt to get it off my chest. and one or two people will read it, and sometimes they give up half way through, because its not exactly entertaining, its just real. its just me, and just you. its just of story of two people, of unrequited love.

and it just kills.