Favourites.

My second memoir account, Just another girl, is finally over.
(Yup, that's how cool I am)
(Or I just think too much :L)

ANYWAYS, in celebration (beause it's a big deal to me), I am going to share with you my VERY FAVOURITE memoirs =D (there's a lot. bear with it. or skip to the end.)

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Was a star. Fell. For you.

.

It's okay, the voices talk back.
.

I'll breathe every breath for you.
.

Wish on stars that look happy
.

Tripped, fell over, got up again.
.

Living life as a hopeless romantic.
.

Planted hope. Forgot to water it.
.

I'm lonely. Nothing severe; just lonely.
.

We're just the dreamers of tomorrow.
.

This memoir will bring you luck.
.

Even the best fall down sometimes.
.

Hopeless romantic fell in love... again.
.

Wanna sell my life on ebay.
.

Maybe it shouldn't be about him...
.

All in favour of murdering Monday?
.

My life is on repeat. Again.
.

Second best isn't so bad afterall.
.

I am glass. Fragile, neglected, breaking.
.

I'm fading out. No one's noticing.
.

His smile puts stars to shame.
.

I get lost in the crowd.
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I'm a dreamer because of him.
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Just another girl on a journey.
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They see ugly. I see beauty.
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Every single word it's own lullaby.
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Constantly questioning myself, never finding answers.
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Wrote his name in chocolate topping.
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The phone's never been for me.
.

Dad doesn't wish me goodnight anymore.
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Getting in deeper all the time.
.

I was overdue for a breakdown.
.

I've never seen you without wings.
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Stumbled upon crosswords. chose dead end.
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Got into an arguement with fate.
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Love life, on a good day.
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I can feel myself falling again.
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Somehow, I'll forever be a dreamer.
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I think it's sort of beautiful.
.

I'm hiding behind this loquacious disguise.
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More broken than their eyes see.
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Walk towards the edge and jump.
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Hold my hand and just run.
.

Everything hurts. But hurts so nice.
.

I should be grateful. I'm not.
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You smile. I cry. You laugh.
.

You patch my holes by smiling.
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Writing it down. Letting it go.
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Acting like nothing happened; fooling nobody.
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Time runs out; but words prevail.
.

Wished for him. Again. Still waiting.
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Fake smile to hide the pain.
.

No on wants my hugs anymore.
.

I am stronger than you think.
.

Lost teddy. Now I hug air.
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"Theres nothing wrong with you." Thankyou
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Those stars shine just like you.
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Sold my soul to the moon.
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Salty raindrops falling down my face.
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Each star, another wish for him.
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Putting a pricetag on my soul.
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If I smile, I won't bleed.
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Only an echo of old emotions.
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Watching the clock tick to 11:11.
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You jump, I jump, got it?
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Love telling secrets. Nobody like listening.
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Up all night, rewriting my life.
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The bridge between cooties and kisses.
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Please be stars and not aeroplanes.
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Clouds block stars. No wishes tonight.
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If you get lost, find me.
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Today's horoscope: "Rethink something quite important."
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Saying plans aloud. Hearing God laugh.
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This hell that some call "home"
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Maybe you're bored. I'm nothing special.
.

I'm the girl you forgot about.
.

Something is missing. Maybe it's me.
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Put your umbrella away and dance.
.

I'd wait forever just for you.
.

Life brings frown. He returns smile.
.

Still finding out who I am.
.

I see beyond a pretty face.
.

My life's crossroads has traffic lights.
.

We over analysed each other together.
.

Despite best efforts, still had fun.
.

hopeless romantic searching for naive perfection.
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Genuine smiles in an artificial world.
.

Rain falling from sky and eyes.
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Would the world jump for me?
.

Maybe I'm beautiful on the inside.
.

Maybe I just really... need him?
.

Suddenly my mind is episdn umop.
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Subtle was never my strong point.
.

Square one is getting awfully familiar.
.

Tears became longing. Longing became heartache.
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All I know is you're beautiful.
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Smile at me. I'll smile back.
.

Look at all the pretty people...
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August 12 2007. Somewhere around 7.
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Each tear. More beautiful than before.
.

you didn't love me
I finally did.
.

I couldn't; but I died trying.
.

How can someone be so empty?
.

I believe in better than reality.
.

My superhero with a rusty cape.
.

Notice: This soul is under construction.
.

With broken hearts and shattered dreams.
.

I believe in impossibilities and miracles.
.

Just another girl hiding from life.
.

Self destruciton is not an option.
.

I'm learning to believe in myself.
.

24 hours: successfully destroyed every friendship.
.

The girl who finds life beautiful.
.

Dear destiny,
I surrender. You win.
.

I don't even like myself anymore.
.

We exchanged secrets and song lyrics.
.

Running far enough to be missed.
.

I smiled, and was finally beautiful.
.

11:05... I'll stay awake to wish.
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Flying away on their whispered words.
.

I miss the girl I was.
.

I talk to God a lot.
.

You're my angel with broken wings.
.

I cried.
I cry a lot...
.

I'm drowning, but still ever silent.
.

Finding my place, my voice, myself.
.

I'm an artist without the art.
.

One persn can't make a difference...
.

I believe that you are amazing.
.

With crumpled secrets in my pockets...
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Like everytime a rain drop falls...
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Things no one seems to notice.
.

Failing to conserve even small secrets.
.

There are voices in my head.
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Words change. Nothing else ever does.
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Dream catcher. Dream maker. Dream believer.
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I need hot chocolate and cookies.
.

What if the shoe doesn't fit?
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The pain is not worth it.
.

My hand has holes for yours.
.

Deteriorating differenced between right and wrong.
.

Now my feet are all cold.
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Living for him.
He's living for me.
.

I want to be a sunflower.
.

One day, I'll sparkkle for you.
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Both in love with other people.
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Don't make me look away again.
.

It hurts to say "just friends"
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Exchanging secret whispers and silly smiles.
.

And then my heart went crazy...
.

Right there in front of me...
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Every smile sparkles like diamond nights.
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Forgot to sleep. Remembered to dream.
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I wonder what you keep hidden...
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Dear smile,
It's been a while.
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Everything comes down to this moment.
.

I hurt you to save myself.

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ANND!!! (I'm putting this here cuz I want it all here. I only found it yesterday.)

OK, this is a part of my book that I wrote back in January on my holiday, loosely based around two people. This is Elle and Luke's meet cute. The first person it's based around was someone I almost met in QLD :L, the second person is the one who gave Luke his mystery. Enjoy part one:

I was just walking through the class room as a shortcut, I didn't expect to see anyone in there. But as I walked in, I saw someone sitting on a chair in the corner, spinning around. He didn't seem to have a problem with me being there, so I kept moving, but I watched him. Each time he got to my direction he would lock eyes with me, until his face was out of view; constantly spinning, repeating the cycle each time. I can't say I noticed much of what he looked like.. just that he seemed sad, and a little surprised. But people didn't normally cut through classrooms, so that was to be expected. I didn't really think anything of it.

-----

Part two:

Weird that someone I had never seen before that day was suddenly everywhere I went. I guess it's that way with everything. Once you start looking for it, you find it. I don't think I was exactly looking for him, but I found him alright. The second time was in the office. I was walking through to get out of school, and he was hanging around looking at pictures on the wall. As I walked in, he looked up boredly, but then changed to… happy? It wasn't a startled change of expression either, just a gradual one, but there was definitely a change. We locked eyes again, for as long as his position would allow, before he refocused his attention on the pictures.

…

The third time I say him was at sport. We were just minding our business playing a game of hockey when a basketball intruded on our game. Everyone looked up just in time to see him run in to grab it. He picked up the ball, looked at me, then walked back to his game with an apologetic nod to our teacher. I'd never before noticed how quiet he was. That even in his apology he didn't utter a single word.

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Part three: (Good things take time)

"You're quiet." I said to him. He looked up, but he didn't seem surprised, he just nodded. "Why?" I prompted.

"Nothin' to say" he said, and looked down again. I sat down next to him.

"But you must have thoughts, right?" he nodded again, "Why don't you voice them?"

"People don't wanna hear" he said, still not looking at me.

"Doesn't stop me" I laughed

He smiled and looed at me "Yeah, I noticed"

"Noticed? When?" It's not like I'd been very chatty when I saw him

"I've noticed you" he blushed and looked down again.

"In a creepy way?" I made a move to leave.

"No" he looked up to check that I was staying "It's just… you intrigue me" I looked at him questioningly "I admire your confidence" he clarified.

"As in my voicing my opinion no matter whether people want to hear it? That's not confidence, that's arrogance" I smiled

"Yeah" he looked reminiscent "Still wish I had it"

I moved my head around to look at him "If you ever need to voice your opinion, come find me, okay?"

He nodded "I will"

"Good" I stood up, and started to walk, then hesitated

"Luke" he said. I looked down to see him smiling at my confused look. "My name is Luke Moore." He clarified

"Elle" I said "How did you…?"

He simply shrugged, still smiling.

-----

Was it worth the three parts?

It so was!!

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Ok, well, that's all I really wanted to say today.

Smile! =D

What I'm supposed to say.

Quote: "I can't believe that you smiling at me was the highlight of a day where I got an A on a test, found twenty bucks, and won a debate" - stealed from amys blog again. (That's not really so hard to believe is it? I mean, some smiles are truly beautiful)
Memoir: "Hands touch. Hear our fingers whisper?" - lexxx. (I heard it)
Song in head: Swing swing - AAR
Listening to: Give me a reason - The Corrs
Thinking about: Glowing :L (inside thing. again)
Annoyed by: Silly people that get sick and don't come to school
Cheered by: The prospect of tomorrows.
Mood: Relaxed.

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I should be studying.

Now that we've gotten that out of the way...

I haven't blogged properly in a while. I haven't memoired much either. Actually, damn, what the hell have I been doing?? I guess I have been studing a lot... and doing geo...
Hmmmms

It's sorta funny that I don't even have something to say...
Hummmmmmm.

ok, lets DNM.

-----

I find it easier to trust the universe now. Things work out, you know? I mean, things fall into place so easily. As long as you know how to cope with things... you can figure your way out of them. And as long as you understand that bad things happen for a reason, and you look for the reason, you can learn something. And at the end of the day, it can be worth it.

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Humanity has redeemed itself! Haha, only one person will get that, and she doesn't read. And if I explain it, you'll all think I'm stupid. (Shush, I know I am). But THANKYOU humanity, for restoring my faith in you. I shall never doubt you again. (OK, so I will, but not as much as before)

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Hehe, I love the Corrs. Their music is so happy-making. I still say their music is the best to fall in love to. Screw Blue October. (Okay, Blue October I'm sorry. It's just... The Corrs!) (I still love you Blue October). corrs = bombdigity

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Oh, FARROUT!!! How many times have I said it now? Do you need me to spell it out?? Over and over and over. Hint after hint. Please, take the hint. No, really. (Maybe this will help...)

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OK, so maybe having voices in your head, actually talking to you, and yes, telling you what to do (Nikki: "are they telling you to jump?") is not quite normal, and most definately not a good thing. But I love my voices. My little people in my head. I think they stop me from doing things a lot. But they also encourage me to do things. They are my little fairy godparents, trying to teach me right from wrong. And let me tell you, they're doing an okay job.
So when you all look at me like I'm crazy, or burst out laughing in health when I tell you about my voices, I'm laughing at you on the inside too. Because I have special little people in my head. And you are very lonely.

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"I'm invisible"
"Not to me"
"Yeah, see that's why I like spending time around you"

Haha, that's what you said to me when I stopped you from being left behind a couple of days ao (so I don't remember the exact day). It totally made my day. Even though it was only 8:00, and I'm sure it was a goodish day. But you told me that you like spending time with me. In fact, we have had multiple conversations this week about how I like you to be included, and I seriously feel so appreciated when I talk to you.

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Song for the day.
<33 The Script!!

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just praying to a God that I don't believe in
Cuz I got time while she got freedom
Cuz when a heart breaks no it don't break even

Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
Cuz when a heart breaks no it don't break even... even... no

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're okay?
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
Cuz she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven even... no

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're okay?
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
(Cuz when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)

Oh you got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame
Cuz I got time while she got freedom
Cuz when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven
No it don't break
No it don't break even no

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just praying to a God that I don't believe in
Cuz I got time while she got freedom
Cuz when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven
No it don't break
No it don't break even no

What am I suppposed to do when the best part of me was always you?
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're okay?
(oh I'm glad you're okay now)
I'm falling to pieces yeah
(oh I'm glad you're okay)
I'm falling to pieces yeah
(One still in love while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
(Cuz when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)

Oh it don't breakeven no
Oh it don't breakeven no
Oh it don't breakeven no

Letters to the editor.

Laura,

Oh you strange, strange mind. People are not rubber bands. When you stretch them too far, they do not snap back. They stay away. When you push people away, don't expect them to come back. don't expect them to want to.

People aren't puppies either. When you smother them with love and attention, don't expect them to take it well. In fact, expect them to run away from it all. Just because your past dictates how you act with them, does not mean they have dealt with equal things. It doesn't mean they'll act the same.

And people aren't always friends. And those who are, aren't always good friends. And more foten than not, they're going to hurt you. And more often than not, they're not going to be there when other people hurt you. Your past should tell you that much.

Tony



But people deserve trust, oh strange mind of mine. People deserve a little vote of confidence. If you give nothing to them, how can you expect something in return? And even if you give all of yourself to them and get nothing, what do you have to lose? A little self confidence that you had far too much of in the first place. And the destruction of a reputation that you continually pride yourself in ruining.

Maybe giving a little of yourself to other will do you goos. Maybe it would do everyone some good to give themselves away. No one really needs the facade they hide behind. The world is better without the masks, dear. So give it all, and never look back, what do you have to lose?

Jessica



I spent 10 minutes listening to Tony (he's the cynic in my head) before i reverted to Jessica (she's the hopeless romantic). I must admit, I prefer Jessica.
So yes ladies and gents, that's my head.
Or at least the slight amount of it that I allow you to see.

Reminisce old memories

one - i think i did the right thing. and it doesn't matter what you think.
TWO - I'M BEGINING TO FEAR THAT YOU'RE RIGHT. PLEASE BE WRONG.
three - yes i'm a filthy hypocrite. but i mean well.
four - i'm sorry that i hurt you. but part of me is glad.

-----

It's been a while since I posted. I keep meaning to, I'm just not sure what I have to say here. But, as per usual, I'm sure I'll discover that when I start.

-----

Let's start at Thursday. Thursday was a bad, bad day. You know how some days are just awful? Well that was Thursday(but I found my pen). Until I got home (Thankyou). Although when I did homework it was a little crappy again. But, you know, homework is just like that.

And then we get to Friday. Friday was a good day. Not as good as Wednesday, but beter than Thursday. The whole day was about at 8. And then I got home, and people started being weird. And when I say people, I mean everyone I know, suddenly decided to be weird together. But then I left and went to my grandads (=D) and when I came back, it was nice again. So I did some studying.

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Yes, I'm weird like that. When I'm in a good mood, I like to study. It works out well though. Because other people think study and immediately =S =( and I think study and go =D. Now my study book is coated with sunshine and smiles. =P

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hmmmms...
My sister and I have had this song stuck in our heads (and thus our neghbours' heads) for about a week now. She told me never to watch the video clip, and I think I saw part of it on Channel [V] and can totally understand where she's coming from. So here is a link to the video with only lyrics :L Oh yeah, and the song is Don't Trust Me by 3oh!3 (I know you've all heard it. hear it again. it is a good song)

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I'm sorry. Yeah, and maybe sorry doesn't always cut it. But I don't know what else I can say. I know that whatever I say, you're never going to understand. You're never going to understand, because you're not me, and you're never going to be able to see it from my perspctive. I doubt you'll ever understand me, I doubt I'll ever understand myself, I just thought that... maybe... you could put up with my bad days in exchange for my good ones. I'm really, really sorry (again).

-----

The song for today:
(Ok, not really. But let's pretend? It's a good song...ish.)
If Today Was Your Last Day

My best friend ave me the best advice
He said each day's a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less travelled by
That first step you take is the longest stride

If today was your last day, and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like you last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had?
If today was your last day
What if, what if, today was was your last day?

Against the grain should be a way of life
What's worth the price is always worth the fight
Every second counts, cuz there's no second try
So live like you'll never live it twice
Don't take the free ride in your own life

If today was your last day, and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donat every dime you had?

Would you call old friends you never see?
Rminisce old memories?
Would you forgive your enemies?
And would you find that one you're dreaming of?
Swear up and down to God above?
That you'd finally fall in love, if today was your last day?

If today was your last day,
Would you make you mark by mending a broken heart?
You'd know it's never too late to shoot for the stars
Regardless of who you are

So do whatever it takes
Cuz you can't rewind a moment in this life
Let nothing satnd in your way
Cuz the hands of time are never on your side

If today was your last day, and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like you last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had?

And would you call old friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories
Would you forgive your enemies?
And would you find that one you're dreaming of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you'd finally fall in love

If today was your last day

You'll never take that away

Quote: "when i told him i liked him, i worried it would be the end of our friendship, but instead it was the beginning of something so much more wonderful." – stolen from amys blog
6 word memoir: "You're number 1. Myspace says so." – WittyGinger (I don't have myspace. But I named my blog after you, im sure it means the same thing...)
Song in head: I hope you dance – ronan keating
Listening to: Dawn of a new day – in flames
Thinking about: Randomly randomness.

Annoyed by: maths studying, people who are away on msn, songs that arent on limewire
Cheered by: finishing studying, people who come back online, songs I have on CD
Mood: Bubblated :L and high, and just very happy

Today I started eating my chocolate Mr Bunny and Mrs Ducky. Mr Bunny has no ears. Muaha Mr Bunny, muaha.

-----

I'm in one of my very weird, crazy, eccentric moods. (Again? Yes!)

People have been telling me all day that I am high (pssst… I know ;)), and yes, I am still high, and yes, my feet are off the ground.

You know how sometimes things just work? Well, things are working. Except my group… sorta. But only cuz we're never all there, what with their interact stuff and all. But we're still close, I think. I mean, we just, seem to all be there for each other. It's like, an unspoken bond. For me, that is cool!

-----

My sister recommended a molto awesome song to me today.

It is called "I hope you dance" and it is my the fabulosomundo Ronan Keating link to video. Link to lyrics. It's very cuteful, and partially about his daughter (??I think).

-----

Here, this is for a laugh. (Don't take my sense of humour too seriously guys) http://www.smithteens.com/sixwords/story.php?did=47316#comments

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And OHMYGOSH. Why does NO ONE understand the happy scale? Dead does not mean you actually explode or anything. It means you become EMOTIONALLY dead because the emotion is uncontainable within yourself. Yes, it is possible to be that happy and that sad.

Ebony's Happiness Scale

0 – Dead

1 – Should be in rehab

2 – Depressed

3 – Very sad

4 – Sad

5 – Meh

6 – Happy

7 – Very happy

8 – High

9 – Feet aren't touching the ground anymore

10 – Dead

-----

And now for today's song. (Because a day is not a day without a song [although yesterday didn't really have one {But I sung Stay beautiful enough to make it almost yesterday song (even though it's already been used [it's my blog, I make up the rules])}])

This is from the song "calling you" (actually listen to it, it's pretty good) by Blue October (and I hope you didn't listen to 18^th floor balcony, cuz that song sorta sucks)

Well expect me to be
Calling you to see
If you're OK when I'm not around
Asking if you love me
I love the way you make it sound
Calling you to see
Do I try too hard to make you smile?
To make us smile

Well, I will keep calling you to see
If you're sleeping, are you dreaming?
If you're dreaming, are you dreaming of me?
I can't believe you actually picked me

Live.

May the fourth be with you

Oh yeah, I'm so funny sometimes… (come on, that's an awesome joke!) (if you don't like star wars, then you can just leave, okay?)

Quote: "I'm sure if you looked hard enough you'd find a valley that had never seen a broken heart. But I'd wager to say that that would be a loveless valley" (that might not be word perfect, and I don't know what it's from… I just remember it)
6 word memoir: "I wish our conversations lasted forever" -Lilly
Song in head: The Quiet Place – In Flames (cough)
Listening to: Send Me On My Way – Rusted Root

Thinking about: How different those two songs are…

Annoyed by: How hard it is to pick a memoir that actually fits what I'm feeling… that one went pretty close though.
Cheered by: Life. Sometimes, it really is that easy…
Mood: Content. I think that pretty much sums it up.

Haha, today in IPT, me, Mango, and Ian were rating our own happiness out of 10. I gave mine at 8.5, and Mango's like "you don't seem 8.5" so I changed it to 8 :L

Now I think I'm 8.25…

How happy are you today? (Just so no one whinges that they have nothing to comment on)

Today, I spelt a great deal of time with my mum/sister

I'm not sure why… :L

It was nice though, we were just talking

Trust me, they know, like, all the gossip that goes around at our school before half of you :P And she says I don't tell her anything pshhh…

I fell strangely happy now. It's like, I feel infinite again. I've really missed this. I feel like I can get as hurt as I want, because I'm strong enough to take it…

Some of us smithteeners (ok, so like, 4 of us) were recently discussing "songs to fall in love to" and all of them said that the best was 18^th floor balcony by blue october. So being me and all, I decided to download this song (honestly, if you saw half of the random songs on my computer, you would be very confused [and probably pretty scared too])

Anyways, this is the BESTES part of 18^th floor balcony:

So we talked about mom's and dad's
About family pasts
Just getting to know where we came from
Our hearts were on display
For all to see
I can't believe this is happening to me

And I raised my hand as if to show you that I was yours
That I was so yours for the taking
I'm so yours for the taking
That's when I felt the wind pick up
I grabbed the rail while choking up
These words to say and then you kissed me...

Alrighties then, I should go, like, nowish (and EAT!!)

Enjoy your Monday peoples. (It's ok though, because tomorrow is Tuesday <33)

Yeah, Tuesday are le awesome!!

(Remember to comment! ;))

Hope.

Quote: "If I tell you I love you, can I keep you forever?" - Casper the Friendly Ghost
Memoir: "He clamed me down. That's amazing." - crippled soul
Song in my head: Man Who Can't Be Moved - The Script. Yeah, again
Listening to: Hold up a Light - Take That
Thinking about: how happy-making this song is. :L
Annoyed by: Stupid version of mediaplayer without the slidey bar thing
Cheered by: Being the only one awake
Mood: Excited. Huh, that's weird...

I dreamt that we held hands - magieadams1223

Good morning all, and welcome to Sunday.
The nothing day.
When me, my mum, my sister all work, my Dad watches the footy, and we do nothing.
We don't get in each other's way, we don't feel a need to spend ever single possible second together.
It's just Sunday.

"As the orchestra plays

The people take the seats

There's no room left in this house

It's only you and me

And if life is your stage

I'll be watching"

So...
You know, I sort of wonder why I even bother blogging anymore. It's not like I write anything important, and it's not like anyone reads it (or, you know, comments!) So, why is it here?
But then I remember that this where I vent away my negative energy, as well as spread my positive energy. and without it, I'm just a confused mash of emotions. So blog I shall.

"As we start, rehearsing every scene

The words to everything

We realise that

The crowd is listening"

I'm glad that she noticed, or more that she cared. But half of it is her fault. Because she makes me feel bad about myself on purpose, and then wonders why I'm upset. Maybe i can't take it as easily as you do, darling. Maybe it does actually mean something to me. And I cannot believe you toldme that YOU are upset that you can't trust me. Who do you think that might hurt more?

"And then the tears, fall down on your face

At exactly the right place

As the people stop to

Stand up in the aisles"

Slow down.
I know you like to go through life at an extremely fast pace, but occassionally it is better to take it slow. You're scarng people. Always rushing everywhere. Just let your life live itself, and hold on!

"You can hear the sound of violins

On every street tonight

You can see the lovers dancing round

I'll be watching!"

Let's summarise my yesterday:
I woke up at 6:18 (I assure you, this is a curse) and eventually convinced myself to get out of bed. Bummed around all day, not doing much. Some homework here and there... catching up on memoirs etc. Had a workmate's 21st at 6:30. Danced a lot with my Dad =). Came home, fell asleep.
Yup, that was yesterday.

Here's a secret: I'm scared shitless - colored.pencils

Ok, I should talk about something worthwhile for a change.
But nothing comes to mind...
So all of you have a fantabulousful Sunday and I shall see you at school tomorrow.

Dance.

"this is permission to break me" -amy-k3s-u

I feel like crazy dancing =S
I think it's the song I'm listening to :L
I think I'm happy at the moment. Happy in a crazy way, not asmiley way...
But if all I get is crazy happy, I'll take it.

DAMMIT! I feel like crazy dancing! Why can't anyone else be awake in my house?? You lazy ones! Honestly! It's almost 8:00!!!

"you can dance if you like,
you can sing every line of every song,
no you don't have to steal the show,
it was your show all along"

uhmmm, so.....

one - she thought i didn't know. silly, silly girl.
TWO - SMILE. SMILE FOR ME.
three - there's nothing you can do about it
four - i don't need to miss you.

well then, that was...that

haha, i'll blog later, i think my parents are going shoppping =)

Progress...

one - i don't know if you know what i meant, i really hope you do
TWO - IT'S AROUND ABOUT NOW THAT YOU START FORGETTING. BUT PLEASE JUST HOLD ON A LITTLE LONGER...
three - i'm doing it again, some things never change
four - i thought i was making progress...

Hmmm... life is so boring without MSN...
I don't even have anything to write...

-----

Just a small town boy and girl
Living in a crazy world
Trying to figure out what is and isn't true
And I don't try to hide my tears
The secrets or my deepest hears
Through it all, nobody gets me like you do
And you know everything about me
You say that you can't live without me...

I'm only up when you're not down.
Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground
It's like no matter what I do...
Well, you drive me crazy half the time
The other half, I'm only trying to let you know that what I feel is true
And I'm only me when I'm with you

-----

"wants to take leaps. so afraid" - DyingEmber

the worst part was that they couldn't tell how scared i was... several random people walked up to me and asked if i was okay... with a shaky laugh i told them that i wasn't... but that i would be... eventually... i guess that's not really true, a part of me was ecstatically happy, and a part of me was falling more and more...

but they couldn't tell...
and i know that should make me feel bad... or alone... but it didn't... i'm not alone, i'll never be alone. so yes, the worst part was that there was no worst part... and that's bad...
damn, even i don't quite get that... i just know that there should be a bad part to that...
my gosh, this is very hard to talk about without mentioning names...

moving on...

-----

Hello, I'm Ebony, and everday I become more and more disappointed in myself. And then I feel really guilty, and then I get upset. And other people shouldn't have to put up with me being upset... so then I feel more guilty. In the end, I usually just wander around by myself for a little while... people have learnt to understand this, and just let me be... but sometimes I wish someone would come up and hug me, or let me cry on them...I go mental by myself. I guess... if it was someone else, I wouldn't go up to them, but that's because I'd feel like I'm intruding... I don't think people feel like that about me, because I don't really have personal space. Sometimes I wonder why no one bothers...

-----

Hello, and welcome to MAY!
Which causes us to reflect on April.
April was a pretty awesome month, when you think about it...
A lot happened, a lot changed, a lot stayed the same...

Words from April:
Inspire.
Appreciate.
Care.
Understand.
Create.
Grow.
Imagine.
Jump.
Belong.
Fall.
Sleep.

{{Sleep doesn't really fit, huh?}}

I think that's a very pretty list... it's all taken from my 'Dream' pictures. (I write them in Geo/History when I get bored, and Shai/Corinne are working/being boring. That's actually more common than you'd think)
(Sleep is my favourite...)

-----

Hmmmmm....
"I know it makes no sense, what else can I do? How can I move on when I'm still in love with you?" ALL DAY I have been singing "Man who can't be moved" ALL DAY! And ALL DAY I have gotten stuck at the SAME PART... that's the line I couldn't remember. Le sigh, if only I had known that a few hours ago...

-----

I feel like I'm on an emotional see-saw.

(Does that really need an explanation? It's sorta self explanatory...)

-----

Hello, I'm Ebony... yeah, still... and I feel very happy... for a large duration of my day... but coming home makes me sad, especially when it's for the weekend... I know that I have lots of reasons to smile, and I do smile, but I smile so excessively during the day, my cheeks hurt when I get home, so then I'm exhausted from being so happy... and I just laze around... all sad :L

-----

"Don't be surprised if I stumble over my words when I talk to you, it's only cause it's hard to talk with a big grin on my face, and don't be surprised if I can't look you in the eyes when we talk, it's only cause sometimes it hurts to look at something so perfect"

-KML.

-----

I get so weak in the knees I can hardly speak
I lose all control, then something comes over me
In a daze, your love's so amazing
It's not a phase, I want you to stay with me
By my side, I swallow my pride
Your love is so sweet, it knocks me right off of my feet
Can't explain why you're loving makes me weak

-----

Hello, it's me again... I just wanted to say thankyou... again... yeah, it's getting a bit old now, sure, but I mean it. And I'm sorry... yeah that should have probably come first... I'm really sorry.

Sleep.

...Because what else is there to do at nights when you are bored and banned from MSN?

Nothing but blog.

-----

Hello, I'm Ebony, and I'm no longer addicted to NCIS. It has been about 6 months now since I discovered the genius that is Mark Harmon, but through my 12 step program (amongst other things) I am now over it.

-----

Word of the day: fall

What it means: 1. descend from higher position to lower position 2. come down suddenly from standing position 3. to become lower 4. to hang down 5. to be cast down 6. to succumb to temptaion 7. to lose high position 8. to succumb to attack 9. to drop down wounded or dead 10. to pass into some condition 11. to become 12. to come as if by dropping 13. to come by chance 14. to come to occur 15. to have proper place 16. to issue or proceed (in speech) 17. to be naturally divisible 18. to lose animation 19. to slope 20. to be directed 21. to fell 22. to separate 23. the act of falling 24.sinking, becoming less 25. cataract or waterall 26. downward slop 27. falling to ground 28. hanging down 29. lapse into sin 30. surrender or capture 31.a. in wrestling, being thrown on back b. bout 32. loosely hanging veil 33. lowering ships boat 34. Autumn 35. trees suitable for felling.

Why I care: It's one of the suggestions for labels (that's a bunch of bullshit. I also have other bullshit reasons including 1. because theres lots of defintions 2. because that's the page the dictionary fell open at and 3. there's 31 part a and b, and that is hilarious)(I don't know why I'm not writing the real reason, I think it's because I'm scared of the real reason)

Well that's further than any other dictionary definition has ever gone before.

-----

Hello, I'm Ebony, and I've done nothing but lie for the entire duration of this blog. But if you know me well enough (as only 2 of you do) you'll know my real reasons behind everything, and you'll understand the points I'm trying to get across.

-----

Better late than never…

one – just like the fireflies…

TWO – YEAH, YEAH I NOTICED, I THINK YOU DID TOO…

three – It really didn't help... but I appreciated it more than you will ever know

four - You have no idea how much I meant that

-----

And just because I'm retarded

Dear heart,

I would recommend pacing yourself - JustAFaceInThe Crowd

Oh, and if you guys don't get this post... you are totally not alone. I think the whole 'sleep' idea is a good one, 9:30 is not my smartest time...

People try to hand me money, they don't understand

I'm not broke, I'm just a broken-hearted man

Yeah, that's it. Sad that I used most of this to define a word...

Fall.

"I had to burn my diary because I realized that things were worse than I remembered. I never want to read it again."

Not too long ago, I started thumbing through my old diary.
I started it when I was 7/8, and kept it pretty consistently (wrote every few weeks) until year 8. (I started running out of space and didn't want to finish it unworthily[it's a word if I want it to be]).

Reading through that diary, I realise how depressed I was as a kid. I mean, each page contemplating... you know what, let's not think about that.

The point is that every now and then, I swing back into that mood. I take a really big leap, and it doesn't pay off, and I start falling. Rock bottom isn't all that an uncommon place for me.

My life works in waves. It goes up and down, and up and down. Happy and sad, happy and sad. The last time everything was sad, I didn't really tell my blog. I think that was probably bad for me, because I didn't face up to it. But it was also better for me because I made myself focus on the positives in everything. I'll tell you next time though.

At the moment, the waves occur very quickly. Home is very negative, school/blog is very positive. But it's evening out... or at least everything is becoming more positive :L.

I realised today that I do my own thing now. I don't just take things for what they are, I challenge everything, I ask too many questions, and I figure out what I want to do, not what everyone else wants me to do. It's a nice change...

You know what Corinne said to me today whilst we were DNMing?? (Hello Corinne)
She said "When I'm having a bad day, I like to talk to you, you make me happier"
Yes, that made my day yesterday :L

That, and, butterflies and rainbows (cough).

Anyways! LAST time I wrote these lyrics on my blog (all the way back on April 6th), they had a special purpose. Today, I was looking over my blog... and I read them and realised that a lot of what they were used for then applies to what I wanted todays song for.
But, it's been used before, so you only get a snippet.
(I've been listening to the first two lines on loop for about 20 minutes now. le sigh.)

You look so beautiful today...
When you're sitting there it's hard for me to look away...
So I try to find the words that I could say
I know distance doesn't matter, but you feel so far away
And I can't lie
Everytime I leave my heart turns grey...

-----

OK, this is today's song...
i actually can't find it on youtube =S

it's called 'my little angel' and it's by 'william shakespeare' (real name john cave). it was released in november 1974, but hit the number one spot in early 1975. it was written by harry vanda and george young (guitarists from easybeats) (i dont know why im telling you so much about this song). anyways, here are the beautiful lyrics :L

Spoken:
It was on a cold December afternoon
Doesn't seem like that long ago
I was sitting on my feet by my old fireplace
When in walked my little girl home from school
And I could see that something was wrong
By the tears that were rolling down her face

Sung:
And she said "Daddy, Daddy, at school today
Somebody told me a lie!"
And after hearing what she had heard
I told her not to cry - it hurt to see her cry

Because she's my, my little angel
My little angel, my little angel when she smi-i-i-iles
Oh yes she's my, my little angel
And I don't ever want to see her cry-y

Spoken:
What she heard was that angels didn't really exist
That they were just a part of fables, fairytales, any ol' how
"Of course there are angels" I said
Everybody has an angel that takes care of them
In fact, I know there's a real live angel right now

Sung:
And she said "Daddy, Daddy, please tell me where
And tell me how do you know"
I said "easy, now if you listen close it's not too far too go,
and this is how i know

Because you're my, my little angel
My little angel, my little angel when you smi-i-i-ile
Oh yes you're my, my little angel
My little angel, and I don't ever want to see you cry-y"

Now I miss her dearly, since she left that day
But I know she is near me every hour, every day
Because she's... because she's my, my little angel
My little angel, my little angel, yes she's mi-i-i-ine

Ahh, she's so fine, my little angel, my little angel
And I know that she's with me all the time
With me all the time, my little angel
My little angel, my little angel

-----

I always cry when I hear that song, at the part where he tells her she's his angel, and the part where she leaves him.
Yeah, the lyrics DO actually mean something, and the song is REALLY good, except it apparently doesn't exist =S (I didn't know there were songs not on limewire...)

Belong.

one - and everything just keeps changed, fat lot of good that is
TWO - I KNOW YOU CAN GET THIS RIGHT... TRY FOR ME.
three - i've decided what to say and everything...
four - come back...

Hello, I'm Ebony, and I spent a great deal of time today contemplating my stupidosity. And thankyou for telling me that I'm not stupid. But really... I am. Because I don't believe in myself anymore. And I don't trust myself. And I should... especially when I'm right... but then when I don't know if I'm right, and I'm not sure whether to believe I'm right, so I just use me being wrong as a hypothetical until I manage to convince myself I'm wrong and that I shouldn't trust myself.

"I know it's hard to believe, what with my obvious charm and good looks, but people used to think I was a monster, and for a while, I believed them"

And... wait...

Everything is okay now.

And sure, it's not gonns be okay in 5 minutes time. Hell, it's not gonna be okay in 30 seconds time. But right now, everything is fine, and that's all that matters.

Everything fits, then everything falls apart. "Some things fall apart for others to fall together", but some things just fall apart.

And there's something I should write here but it will take me too long:L
Speaking of! AMY!!! I need to tell you about Ben :L
OK guys, goodbye! I might post tomorrow...


You're on the phone with your girlfriend, she's upset
She's going off about something that you said
She'll never get your humour like I do

I'm in the room, it's a typical Tuesday night
I'm listening to the kind of music she doesn't like
And she'll never know your story like I do

But she wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts
She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming bout the day when you wake up and find
That what you're looking for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along, so why can't you see?
You belong with me
You belong with me

Wakin the streets with you and your worn out jeans
I can't help thinking this is how it ought to be
Laughing on the park bench thinking to myself
Hey isn't this easy?

And you've got a smile that can light up this whole town
I haven't seen it in a while since she brought you down
You say you're fine, I know you better than that
Hey what you doing with a girl like that?

She wears high heels, I wear sneakers
She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleechers
Dreaming bout the day when you wake up and find
That what you're looking for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been there all along, so why can't you see?
You belong with me

Standing by or waiting at your back door
All this time, how could you know baby?
You belong with me

Oh I remember you driving to my house in the middle of the night
I'm the one who makes you laugh when you know you're bout to cry
I know your favourite songs, and you tell me bout your dreams
I think I know where you belong, I think I know it's with me

blah-di-blah-chorus-etc

Ebony's mind

one - everything changed for real. where did the smile go?
TWO - YOU HURT ME. DEAL WITH THE CONSEQUENCES.
three - have you figured it out yet?
four - i miss you.

Hello, I'm Ebony, and you left again.
Hello, I'm Ebony, and it's getting harder to smile.
Hello, I'm Ebony, and my family are a mystery to me.
Hello, I'm Ebony, and I'm in a very pesimistic mood.
Hello, I'm Ebony, and I have nothing to thank you for
Hello, I'm Ebony, and it doesn't make sense anymore
Hello, I'm Ebony, and everything changed
Hello, I'm Ebony, and everything is falling apart.
Hello, I'm Ebony, and I still can't wait till Tuesday

{{that whole half of the blog corresponds directly to yesterday}}

Ahh, the beautiful letters. The pretty little words arranged across the beautifully decorated paper. The tear drop marks left at strategic places along the lines. The beauty, and the pain, and all it does is cause more pain. All you do is cause more pain. I, too, am sorry that you can't see it. My darling you hurt me in ways that seem impossible. Everytime I open a letter I shudder, remembering the past. Why must we repeat ourselves? Have we learnt nothing of our past mistakes that we fall into the exact same cycle? Of course we haven't. This is what we do.

Spend all your time waiting for a second chance
For a break that would make it ok
There's always some reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day

I need some distraction
Or beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins

Ebony's cloud <33

one - everything changed. i blinked. everything changed back. i smiled.
TWO - I'M NOT WHO YOU WANT ME TO BE. DEAL.
three - things change sweetie. it just changed... that's all.
four - just smile. you're back!

Hello, I'm Ebony, and I said yesterday that I missed you. Today you came back.
Hello, I'm Ebony, and I'm going to let myself smile now.
Hello, I'm Ebony, and my family is finally making some sense...
Hello, I'm Ebony, and I'm in an extraordinarily optimistic mood...
Hello, I'm Ebony, and I just want to say thankyou
Hello, I'm Ebony, and it's starting to make sense now
Hello, I'm Ebony, and I don't want anything to change
Hello, I'm Ebony, and everything is falling into place
Hello, I'm Ebony, and I can't wait till Tuesday either

(^^ this is the very weird, incredible mood that talking to YOU puts me in)

Today is beautiful, wonderful ANZAC Day!

Which means I went into the city! And watched my grandpa march =) And cried a lot. Because that is what I do on ANZAC Day. And then we went to the Lindt cafe. (The first of its kind in the world) and I had a very nice hot chocolate. And then we went to the footy. And we totally creamed the roosters. TOTALLY CREAMED. (did everyone get that? totally creamed!) (29-0 guys)

Ok, damn, I summed up my day in a paragraph. I am totally losing my touch.
See, if I was tlaking, I would say heaps more, because I never run out of air. But typing, takes up so much time/energy that, well, this is it.
OK?

Damn, I'm getting so lazy now. I even chucked out my "hi-5!!!" and just lo-5 people (yeah, i blame you!)

speaking of...
Today, Ebony discovered something very weird about herself (in 3rd person)
She discovered how much she likes a very un-Ebony band.
(No, it's not AAR, we already knew that one :L)
(shall we further your musical education?)

You know what? I never write the names of artists before I write the song.
So here you go, cloud connected:
(Maybe, just read the lyrics and never hurt your precious little ears by listening to the song :L)

People like you
You live in a dream world
You despise the outside
And you fear the next one!

It's in your dream
There's just one question
Should I kill?
Or should I be left behind?

Sick and tired
Of all your complaints
This is the hour
We bring them down!

I've come to realise
With every little glimpse, you fade
I was told that I could fly
When least expected,
Cloud connected

You seem to be
So introverted
How come we fail
With all that is given?

You crossed the line
You remember my name
Time runs backwards
As we're heading that way

I've come to realise
With every little glimpse, you fade
I was told that I could fly
When least expected,
Cloud connected

I've come to realise
With every little glimpse, you fade
I was told that I could fly
When least expected,
Cloud connected

One-way ticket

one - the randomest part wasn't the bananas or the tent pegs...
TWO - I HAVE SOMETHIGN TO TELL YOU BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW
three - it already feels nice to think about...
four - i still miss you

I have this feeling that everyone secretly resents me
I think it's because I've recently found my inner resentment for everyone else.
That sounds bitchy, I'll explain

I'm very one-sided.
I am capable of giving a lot more than I can receive
So I give a lot, and people get sick of taking it because I'm being annoying (or being Ebony, as I like to phrase it)
So then they push me away, if only for a second
And I take everything back and hate them for it.

Damn, I explained this a lot better yesterday.

Vanessa and I were very bored at work yesterday, so we started making a list of "5 Guys I'd Like To Be In An Elevator With". We came up with many more than 5. So we decided it would be a boat. And we would cruise the world. But this means we have to bring "5 Guys I'd Like To Have At My Dinner Table" into it, because of the whole being on a cruise and having a conversation thing.
Here is a very slight snippet of the population of our boat:

Tyson Ritter
Mark Harmon (<33)
George Clooney
Harisson Ford
House
Colin Firth
Matthew McConaughey
Jean-Luc Picard
Antonio Banderas
Brad Pitt
JFK Junior
Harm Rabb (JAG)
Jared Padelecki
Milo Ventimiglia
Johnny Depp
Orlando Bloom
Dick Van Dyke

Cory's eyes are like a jungle, he smile's it's like the radio
He whispers words into my window in words that nobody knows
There's pretty girls on every corner, they watch him as he's walking home
Saying "does he know?" Will you ever know?

You're beautiful, every little piece, love
Don't you know? You're really gonna be someone
Ask anyone
When you find everything you've looked for
I hope your life leads you back tomy door
Oh, but if it don't
Stay beautiful

Cory finds another way to be the highlight of my day
I'm taking pictures in my mind so I can save them for a rainy day
It's hard to make conversation when he's taking my breath away
I should say "hey, by the way..."

You're beautiful, ever little piece love
Don't you know? You're really gonna be someone
Ask anyone
When you find everything you've looked for
I hope for life leads you back to my door
Oh but if it don't,
Stay beautiful

If you and I are a story that never gets told
If what you are is a daydream, I never get to hold
At least you'll know..

You're beautiful, every little piece love
Don't you know? You're really gonna be someone
Ask anyone
And when you find every thing you've looked for
I hope your life leads you back to my front door
Oh, but if it don't, will you stay...
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,
La la la
Oh, oh oh oh,
Oh, but if it don't
Stay beautiful
Stay beautiful

Ladies and gentlemen (mainly ladies though), this is Sean Faris.

You know, the picture pretty much says it all.

Hello, I'm Ebony

Hello, I'm Ebony, and I know I'm still lying to myself, but I try to listen to my heart a little more, and she tries to tell me what the hell is going on.

-----

I really would have blogged over the past few days, but I've been really busy.
Sat - easter show
Sun - work, then joannies party
Mon - joannies party, then pick sis up from work, take her to friends house, watch footy with dad =)

speaking of; the dragons arent winning anymores =(
(no, i dont follow football. i just happydance with my dad when we are on top of the leader board. and cut out the exerpt from the newspaper to put on his wrk mate's desk to rub it in his face)

-----

Hello, I'm Ebony, and I'm happy for the first time in a long time. I'm doing everything I can to make it permanent, but I don't trust myself enough to.

-----

You don't hurt me anymore.

That is the best feeling in the world. That you don't hurt me, you have nothing to hold over my head anymore. I'm a better person than you. I win <33

-----

Hello, I'm Ebony, and I'm really lucky. I don't often remember how lucky I am, and usually that means I lose things that mean a lot to me. But I've decided to appreciate things more. It's all to keep now.

-----

I know I don't thank you enough. And sure, it probably gets really annoying. But everytime I'm about to, you say something that really annoys me. So, sure, you're a great friend. But you annoy me so often... thankyou. i don't know if i mean that

-----

Hello, I'm Ebony, and my favourite part of the day is being alone. Especially just before I go to sleep. Because no one tells me off for not doing stuff, and I get to just think. Think a lot.

-----

everyday is lifechanging, have you noticed that? when you wake up in the morning, you now that by nighttime everything will be different. every part of your life will have changed. some for the better, and some for the worse. but they'll all be different. 24 hours doesnt seem like that long a time, but it is... and when people say life is short... are they kidding?! if TODAY is long, then life is like.... infinite. i mean, imagine what you will go through before you die... imagine how much everything will change ...now tell me life is short (actually don't, i might get annoyed at you)

-----

Hello, I'm Ebony, and I'm scared of a lot of things in life. I'm scared of change, I'm scared of myself, I'm scared of the dark, I'm scared of death, I'm scared of life, I'm scared of being lonely.

-----

One- more thing before I go

Two- the one who loves me so

Three- don't make me count to three again

I think that is hilarious.
I am clearly very easily amused.

Stop pretending

That what you mean isn't what you say

Haha, but it isn't.

-----

Hello, I'm Ebony, and my blog has become a way that I figure out myself, but it's really just made me realise that I don't know myself at all. And more than that, I never want to know myself.
So I'll stop blogging now...

Jump.

Hello. I'm Natalie, and I'm miserable, but not actively.

Hello, I'm Danielle, and I've been getting used to misery so much, I'm becoming somewhat happy again.

Hello. I'm Chelsea, and I'm miserable too, the last time I was happy without faking it I was six. It's ten years later, and for the first time, I have a genuine reason to be happy and I'm still miserable, I don't know how to let it out.

Hello everyone, I'm not ready to tell you my name yet, and I recently met some people that make me smile, but I'm too afraid that if I get close to them, I'll lose them like everyone else.

Hello, I'm Casey and i'm a little bit afraid of everything

Hello...
I'm Jordan, and I'm sorry.



Welcome to Misery's Anonymous.

I don't know why I'm doing this. I think because I want somone to understand me, and I want people to be more trusting and honest. I think by doing this I'm causing greater dishonesty. But I'm the one who screws everything up anyways.

-----

Cory finds another way to be the highlight of my day

I'm taking pictures in my mind so I can save them for a rainy day

It's hard to make conversation when he's taking my breath away...

-----

Sometimes I just want to jump.
I think the fall would be good for me.
There comes a point when it helps to let go...
Maybe I'm ready to let go of it...
Maybe, before I stuff it up, I should admit it to myself.
My conscience can only deal with so much.

it isn't just an Egyptian river;
denial. - trippinballsdude

But now I'm lying to myself again, aren't I?
I think I've forgotten how to tell myself the truth
I think I sugarcoat it in so many lies and wishes,
That 'truth' loses all meaning.

And yet, both sides of the story have equal 'truth'
My ability to argue them both cannot be a good thing...
I don't know which I feel, which I believe...

But what if these thoughts can unite?
What if both sides can be true?
What if it can change?
And I can stop lying to myself?

But I know that will never happen,
For as long as my head and heart are at war
I will always be lying to myself...

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By the way, my conscience, her name is Laura.

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I know you know somewhere inside of you tht this is all about you. I know countless others will assume it's about them, but you will doubt it. Please never doubt yourself.