I'll be yours.

Because I feel a need to write.

-----

My mum says "I love you" and I say "Bullshit" in a joking way. We both laugh; neither of us says anything, because we both know I’m right.

-----

A big part of me wants to just pack up and run. But the rest of me knows that running from problems isn’t a way to solve them. The rest of me is swaying towards the running though. If only I could escape. Imagine…

-----

Not yet. Soon, but not yet, I'm not ready yet. And sure, I may not ever be ready, but the longer you wait the more ready I will be. Please... I deserve a chance, don't I?

-----

And you all think I'm fine. You think that when I push things away, it's a sign that I'm not feeling them anymore. You don't notice when I pace around, terrorising myself, and part of me doesn't notice anymore either. But part of me does, and part of me hates that you will never notice.

-----

When was the last time you looked at the sky? The stars, the clouds... It makes you feel so insignificant. But at the same time, it is indefinately comforting. To know that there are bigger things out there. Things that have been designed with a little more thought than you. Things that can make decisions that actaully end up right.

-----

She said that no matter the intentions, curiosity cannot justify death. Well then what the hell can? Disease? Age? War? What DOES justify death? What is something that we can all say, oh, it's ok that that person will never again have another thought. That they will be forgotten, that they are finished. How can we justify it to ourselves?

-----

I'm not scare of my future. Everyone wonders what will happen to them in 5, 10, 20, 50 years time. Where will I be? And I'm not scared that I'm not going to be who I should be, because that ship sailed a while ago. In all relaity, I'm just scared that I won't survive to get there.

-----

Maybe you are stronger than you thought. And maybe if you give yourself a chance, you can prove it. Prove it to yourself, and prove it to everyone around you, all you need is someone to believe in you. I do.

-----

I love to watch you
You're like candy to my eyes
Like a movie that you've seen
But you gotta watch just one more time
But that smile you're wearing
It's a beautiful disguise
It's just something you put on to hide the emptiness inside

And you seem so lonely
But you don't have to anymore...

[Chorus:]
If you're a heart without a home
A rebel without a cause
If you feel as though
You're always stranded on the shore
Like a thief in the night
Let me steal your heart away
Baby if a reason’s, what you're looking for
I'll be yours
I'll be yours

You need a new sensation
One you never had before
I got a feeling if I gave you some
You'd probably want some more
Did you know that baby
You're the bluebird in my sky
I only wanna make you happy cause
I love to see you fly

And if you feel lonely
You don't have to anymore

[Chorus]

I'll be yours, I'll be yours

I'll be the raft in the tide
I'll be yours
I'll be the truth in the light
And what's more
When no one opens the door
I'll be the hope that you're looking for

[Chorus]

I'll be yours...

No longer a fan of google.

One – I wish you’d stop lying to me. Seriously, if you don’t mean it, don’t say it, then you won’t have to take it back
Two – Today, I realised how natural we are (sure I figured it out months ago, but it was reiterated today). Thankyou for your beautiful warm hug =)
Three – I realised that I don’t have a problem trusting people, it’s just that sometimes I think they don’t want to hear what I have to say. Blogging, therefore is the perfection solution. I can tell you everything.
Four – No one noticed I was acting any different. I talk to you how I talk to everyone else. They didn’t even recognise it was you. It was normal. Finally.

---------------------------------

I am currently very emotional.
Which I find funny.
But I like laughing at myself, so it’s all good. (Puts up thumbs like Shailin) (Up Down Up Down Up Down)

Hmmm, looking for something to say…
I can’t think of anything.

Haha, me and my sister just sang Day dream believer at the top of our lungs. =) Gotta love being home alone.
This morning it was Our song. And that was straight after I blogged it, I swear, she’s in my head!!

Nikki: “We spent too much time together, we always…”
Me: “…say the same thing at the same time…”
Together: “…and finish each other’s sentences”

--------------------------------

Gah, I am going to be very busy over the next few weeks.
This is everything happening on the 24th of March.

Sometime:
Talent quest

Period 2:
Creating connections
Geography in class assignment

Periods 5:
P.E. dance in hall
Drama assignment due

Period 6:
P.E. dance in hall
IPT assignment due


See how it doesn’t all fit??

Oh, and next Wednesday/Thursday I won’t be blogging. Are you disappointed? Year 7 camp here I come!!
And I don’t even wanna go, I have too much stuff to do.
Lizzie: “Are you feeling okay?”
Hehe, probably not.
But I don't even like my stupid creating connections group. =(

--------------------------------

You know what annoys me? (other than ebony + ivory jokes, people that are mean and bad tv spinoffs)
When people tell me I look like people I don't look like.
(Yes Amy, I'm looking at you)
SERIOUSLY!
1. Mr Baxter - I mean, he looks like Tom Cruise, so it's a compliment, but I don't look like him!! Just cuz I'm white!!
2. Dominic (yr 7 dude) - some random year 7er said I look like him, and the Julia comes up and says "Is that your brother?"
3. Jarryd - Ok, yes, Jarryd is awesome. And yes, it feels weird to say year 9 buddy. But people say I look like him, (mainly Sandie) apparently we have the same mouth :S.

Sorry, but it seriously pisses me off.
(Not as much as Ebony + Ivory jokes, people that are mean and bad TV spinoffs)
(NCIS being one of the GOOD TV spinoffs)

-----------------------------

Speaking of NCIS, (go with it) I missed it last night!!! I didn't get home until 9:24, so I only saw the last 8 minutes. And Tuesday are the new episodes!!
And they played an episode on, like, saturday or sunday night, and it was season 2!! Why can't they play season 4??? Stupid channel 10. Season 6 repeats? Sure. Season 4? Never!

Haha, I'm so stupid about TV. I mean, seriously, NCIS? It's not all that good. (Shoot me later) But I still watch it EVERYTIME it's on. And like, House. Hello? Phobia of needles!! But I LOVE House.

--------------------------------

MENTIONING ROSA!!!
Rosa is cool like sliced bread. (H)
She is the friend (stalker) of everyone in our grade.
She made us all a rose for V Day (well, the girls anyway)
She was my very first blog fan.
Meaning that she actually commented when no one else was bothered.
She currently has too many (14) followers. this is unfair. i have 7.
(last week i had 5, this is a big step up)
(Rosa is one of my new ones)
Her blog is le awesome. The video on her post today made me cry (shut up)
Now Rosa should mention me too, yes?

MENTIONING LANA!!!
Lana is smart like... sliced bread. 8-
She is the nerd of our grade
She tops, like EVERY subject. Crazy little girl.
Mr Anault: "Have you ever met someone who is scary smart?"
Michelle: "Like Lana?"
She hasn't read my blog since January... except at lunch the other day, which totally doesn't count.
The only reason she read it is cuz she was mentioned, so if she has survived the boringness of the rest of the blog, she should be happy that she has got this far (now go and read everything you skipped)
Now she should read my blog, yes?

---------------------------------------

Happy moments of my past week:
1. Running down the street trying to catch a Santa. All the Holsworthy High people staring at me, thinking I'm insane. Then catching it, making a wish, and skipping away. =)

2. Jumping up and down like a retard with Lucy today singing Our Song. Forgetting the words, and making them up. :L

3. Spinning in regional dance, and then falling over from being dizzy. Then everyone else falls over too.

4. Tansy being my man, and us posing like the cover of Twilight :L. Dancing with Tansy as well. She is cool.

5. Our group being able to fall back into our style. We're cool like that.

6. Me: "Did you see the full moon last night?"
Other person: "Yeah, wasn't it pretty?"
Me: *thinking: you wish it was your moon* "Did you howl?"
Other person: *gives crazy look*
Except for Barbara!!! Who said "Oh, so you heard me?"

------------------------------

Too long now, huh?
But mum is at work, so I am enjoying my freedom.
Picture this:
No one looking over your shoulder
No one asking what you're doing every 5 minutes
No one saying "have you done your homework yet?"
or "I think you've been on long enough now"
Or "Who are you talking to?"

It is such beautiful freedom. She doesn't get home until 9:30!!! And she whinges about late hours...
--------------------------------------

“That is the second time I’ve dropped my pen. I’m getting really pissed now!! And I mean that in the drunk way”
So, my sister told me to never blog about her again, but, I couldn't resist.

Oh. My. Gosh.

My sister wants to find my blog. She is going to google me.
That means she WILL find it.
Seriously, it is like, the first thing.
But she says she'll save it for another day, because I practically got on my knees and begged her not to. :S

--------------------------------

Im not looking for someone to talk to
Ive got my friends, Im more than ok
Ive got more than a girl could wish for
I live my dreams but its not all they say
Still I believe Im missing something real
I need someone who really sees me

Chorus:
Dont wanna wake up alone anymore
Still believing youll walk through my door
All I need is to know its for sure
Then Ill give all the love in the world

Ive often wondered if loves an illusion
Just to get you through the loneliest days
I cant criticize it - I have no hesitation
My imagination just stole me away
Still I believe
Im missing something real
I need someone who really sees me

Chorus

Loves for a lifetime not for a moment
So how could I throw it away
Yeah Im only human
And nights grow colder
With no-one to love me that way
Yeah I need someone who really sees me

And I wont wake up alone anymore
Still believing youll walk through my door
Youll reach for me and Ill know its for sure
Then Ill give all the love in the world

(dont wanna wake up alone
still believing youll walk through my door
dont wanna wake up alone anymore)

The way you laugh

OK, I have 3 minutes beforeI have to go get reading for school.
I am very sorry for not blogging yesterday, I was gonna do it when I got home, but my bus was late, so I only have 10 minutes till I had to go to work, and that simply wasn't long enough to whinge to anyone who would listen just how muc my arm hurt. Stupid, stupid injections.
Ok, one minute left....
SONG??? Haha, our song =) (Yeah, lame, I get it)

I was riding shotgun with my hair undone
In the front seat of his car
He's got a one-hand feel on the steering wheel
The other on my heart
I look around, turn the radio down
He says, "Baby is something wrong?"
I say, "Nothing I was just thinking
How we don't have a song" and he says

Our song is the slamming screen door
Sneakin' out late, tapping on your window
When we're on the phone and you talk real slow'
Cause it's late and your mama don't know

Our song is the way you laugh
The first date man, I didn't kiss her and I should have
And when I got home, 'fore I said amen
Asking God if He could play it again

I was walking up the front porch steps
After everything that day
Had gone all wrong or been trampled on
And lost and thrown away

Got to the hallway, well, on my way
To my lovin' bed
I almost didn't notice all the roses
And the note that said

Our song is the slamming screen door
Sneakin' out late, tapping on your window
When we're on the phone and you talk real slow'
Cause it's late and your mama don't know

Our song is the way you laugh
The first date man, I didn't kiss her and I should have
And when I got home, 'fore I said amen
Asking God if He could play it again

I've heard every album, listened to the radio
Waited for something to come along
That was as good as our song

'Cause our song is the slamming screen door
Sneakin' out late, tapping on his window
When we're on the phone and he talks real slow
'Cause it's late and his mama don't know

Our song is the way he laughs
The first date man, I didn't kiss him and I should have
And when I got home, 'fore I said amen
Asking God if He could play it again
Play it again, oh, yeah, oh, oh, yeah

I was riding shotgun with my hair undone
In the front seat of his car
I grabbed a pen and an old napkin
And I wrote down our song


:O:O I'm 2 minutes over my limit :L
Goodbye now
I'll see you under the moon

PS: I'm mentioning Lana so she'll read my blog again :L.

Taking boredom to new heights

Wow, what a clever way to express how bored I am for writing this.
Anyways, taxxd from Amy/Nina.

1. Taken the blame for something you didn't do? yeah, because, i was told that if i took the blame i would be forgiven, but if i didn't i would never be, so i just pretended i did it
2. Stayed up all night by yourself? yeah, i do that a lot, actually
3. Stayed up all night with other people? yeah
4. Drank something from straight out of the carton? no
5. Felt like you were going to die? haha, umm, im not sure.
6. Made up an excuse not to hang out with someone? Yes!!!
7. Was forced to have sex/was raped? no
8. Burst into tears for no apparent reason? yeah
9. Eaten a whole pie or cake by yourself? haha, no
10. Waited an entire night for someone to call? no, but all day, yes
11. Got stood up on a date? no
12. Fell asleep in the movie theaters? nothing is that boring
13. Let your friend borrow more than $50 from you? since when do i have $50, and why haven't i bought any chocolate yet?
14. Spilled a whole bowl of burning hot water on yourself? no, but i spilled a cup, when i was 2, i still have the scar
15. Spent the entire day on the computer doing surveys? not doing surverys, but ive spent forever on my computer :L
16. Looked through old photographs? only online :L
17. Felt sad just because you heard someone else's name in a conversation? all the time
18. Starting reading a book that was so terrible you couldn't finish it? I AGREE!! Twilight.
19. Lost your voice for more than a day? uhh, 2 days
20. Spilled a drink on someone else? probs :L
21. Watched a marathon of your favorite TV show? only from DVDs
22. Done the 5000 question survey? noo
23. Had a wish come true? Yeah
24. Had a miracle come true? haha, yeah, that too
25. Someone said something you didn't think was true but agreed just because they're cool? not because they're cool, jst because i dont' want them to feel bad :L
26. Or something else stupid like that just to get more people to like you? haha, not to get ppl to like me, it's not worth it :L
27. Partied so much you couldn't remember what happened the night before? i usually can't remember the night before, it's got nothing to do with partying
28. Screwed up with someone so badly they haven't talked to you since to this day? yes :L
29. Spun around until you were dizzy and fell over? Haha, I get dizzy and fall over just from standing up :L
30. Peed your pants past the little kid ages? Haha, no
31. Known/know someone with a terrible disease? Yeah
32. Babysat for the most annoying kids in the world? No, only for my neighbours, and they were awesome (except they watch the simpsons)
33. Enjoyed yourself doing something you thought would be boring? Yeah, all the time at school, haha, nerd alert.
34. Threw a fit because you didn't get your way? Yup =)
35. Got a Christmas present you hated? No
36. Had a tea party when you were younger? All the time =)
37. Had your period leak through in public? haha, no :L
38. Screamed something perverted out to a total stranger? haha, no.
39. Did a dare that got you in trouble? Yes! Gotta love my friends =)
40. Wrote a sappy love song or love poem? Oh.my.gosh. YES!!!
41. Given someone a fake phone number to someone? haha, no, i just refuse to give them my number.
42. Carried more than $500 on you at once? again, where is the chocolate?
43. Found out your parents read some of your IMs? No. And I really, really hope they don't
44. Made up your own language? No
45. Worn underwear for more than a day without changing it? Haha, yeah probably :L
46. Bought something without trying it on, then ended up hating the way it looked on you? uhh, no?
47. Felt bad about telling someone the truth, so you lied? Yup
48. Ripped your pants while trying to do the splits? Haha, I don't bother trying.
49. Were so scared that you had to talk to yourself to feel better? I talk to myself anyway.
50. Went on a walk late at night? Uhm, no.
51. Gotten lost in the woods? Lol, no. But Aashana got me lost walking home from the station :L
52. Made up your own games? Lol, yeah
53. Laughed so hard you choked on something? HAHA, yeah, and then your cheeks hurt if you're eating :L
54. Gotten your tongue stuck to a pole? haha, no
55. Jumped in leaves? Yeah, there was no crunch =(
56. Stepped in dog shit? Yes, and goat, and sheep, and cow
57. Put a burning bag of dog shit on someone's porch, rang the bell & ran away? Umm, I'm not that imaginative :S
58. Had your house been egged or toilet papered? lol,no
59. Blamed the dog or other person for one of your farts? Haha, no
60. Clogged up the toilet at someone else's house? :L No
61. Was the last to know about something? All the time, people don't bother telling me anything.
62. Had a hilarious Halloween costume? i've never had a halloween costume
63. Laughed hysterically at one of your own jokes? :L Yeah, i'm so lame
64. Thought someone was waving at you but it was really the person behind you? :L *nods* I was so crushed :L
65. Ran around in summer clothes when it was winter? yep
66. Forgot about one of your friend's birthdays? Haha, try Joannie's last week. But I was sick! I totally had an excuse!! I'd already bought her a card, too!
67. Had a surprise party thrown for you? Err, no.
68. Wished it was Friday? Everyday (except friday)(and saturday)(and sunday)
69. Watched a movie where the main character was exactly like you? I think everyone is exactly like me. :S
70. Seen a movie that was boring in the theaters so you just chilled in the washrooms instead? HELLO $11!! (It's 15 now, what a rip off)
71. Made a wish at 11:11? Everyday. am and pm. Yes, I am completely pathetic
72. Fallen off a horse? No
73. Watched a scary movie then wasn't able to sleep? Haha, yeah, I can't even watch ghost whisperer
74. Dreamed in black and white? ....No
75. Accidentally cut yourself while shaving? Haha, yeh
76. Laughed uncontrollably for half an hour? Haha, probably
77. Experimented with the same sex? :S No?
78. Made out for more than 10 minutes? Lol, noo
79. Memorized all the lines in a movie? Well, I could probably quote the first 3 Harry Potter movies, as well as 10 Things I Hate About You, but that's only cuz once I see a movie twice, I can quote it. (I know, scary, right?)
80. Did something stupid in public & then had everyone staring at you? All. the. time
81. Taped a 'kick me' sign to someone's back? Mr Bowles!!! Omgsh, it totally smelt like him today outside ag, even ask jordan!
82. Thrown up all over somebody? All over my daddy's car one time when i got food poisoning.
83. Saved an animal's life? Yeah.
84. Tried to comfort someone but ended up making everything worse? I have a feeling I do that a lot.
85. Had to sit beside a perverted guy on a bus? only alvi :L
86. Thrown a huge party & then got your house trashed? haha, huge party? no
87. Kept a big secret from your parents that they haven't found out yet? everyday
88. Told a joke that nobody thought was funny? Yes, only cuz ur not as smart as me... (or retarded)
89. Dated somebody who was three or more years older than you? You say that like it's a bad thing :L. No.
90. Had an awkward confrontation with your most hated ex in public? lol, no
91. Fought with one of your friends in public? nope
92. Had someone use you for something, like money? People use me for stuff all the time, but it's okay, I use them too :L
93. Been honked at by some guy when you were walking down the sidewalk? lol, yes
94. Been attacked by an animal? ... just my sister
95. Been walked in on when you were changing out of a bathing suit? haha, yes, by my dad, it was hilarious... he didn't think so, I just cracked up.
96. Had an after school detention when you had big plans after school? nope, i don't have plans, that would involve having some sort of life outside my blog.
97. Pretended you were cold just so your boyfriend would cuddle with you? HAHA, yes,once, it didn't even work *shakes head*
98. Ambushed someone with water guns and sprayed them? lol, yeah, just water bottles. ... and shaving cream =)
99. Were the only sober one at a party? haha, no
100. Laughed at the completely wrong time? YESS!!! All the time in class, when teachers say hilarious things (i.e. Mahfouz in year 7, who proceeded to give me adetention). 'I HEAR VOICES!!!'

Daydream believer

Me: “255 days!!”
Amy: “Wow, you’re so good at counting”

Yeah. :S I’m a fabulous counter.
“I only think in the form of crunching numbers”.
… anyways

-----------

It’s funny that you annoy my sister in the same way you annoy me. With the weird stare. And the creepy smile. It’s funnier still that my dad thinks you like my sister, and my mum thinks you like me. But we understand that you are just weird. Very, very weird.

-----------

Lana told me today that she doesn’t read my blog, because it’s all about my story.
Which is insulting, because that means she hasn’t read it since January :L. So I told her I haven’t written my story in forever. And she asked me what I write about.
What DO I write about?
Someone told me I write a lot of song lyrics, and I guess that’s true, right? But not that much, only when I have nothing else to say, or when there’s a special meaning in the song, or when the song’s stuck in my head. OK, so that’s a lot of the time, but still…
Anyways, I have no idea what I write about, all I know is that I write. A lot.

------------

Haha, for drama we have to do a performance on ourselves. About our hobbies, interests etc. And all I can think about myself is that I blog a lot, and love music and memoirs. Hehe, I have no life other than that. Which is sort of pathetic. But… I love my blog =). Again. I love it. It is me. Again.
So, can you think of anything else about me?
Cause I really need all the help I can get.

-----------

Staying true to form.

Oh, I could hide 'neath the wings
Of the bluebird as she sings.
The six o'clock alarm would never ring.
But it rings and I rise,
Wipe the sleep out of my eyes.
My shavin' razor's cold and it stings.

Cheer up, Sleepy Jean.
Oh, what can it mean.
To a daydream believer
And a homecoming queen.

You once thought of me
As a white knight on a steed.
Now you know how happy I can be.
Oh, and our good times start and end
Without dollar one to spend.
But how much, baby, do we really need.

Cheer up, Sleepy Jean.
Oh, what can it mean.
To a daydream believer
And a homecoming queen.

Cheer up, Sleepy Jean.
Oh, what can it mean.
To a daydream believer
And a homecoming queen.

[Instrumental]

Cheer up, Sleepy Jean.
Oh, what can it mean.
To a daydream believer
And a homecoming queen.

Cheer up, Sleepy Jean.
Oh, what can it mean.
To a daydream believer
And a homecoming queen.


----------

PS: I had something cool to write about, I swear. But then my computer stuffed itself up, so maybe next time.

Your fault for reading.

Huh. It's sorta funny that I still have nothing to say.
I mean, I've never had that problem before.
It's just that, everything I have to say is boring, and I'm finally a little self aware, and I don't want to bore you all to death.
Oh well, too bad for reading my blog.

Mirror Mirror. Tell me the truth. – Cheru
Oh how rare truth is these days, how hard it is to come across, and still, people throw it away. People would rather be lied to to feel good about themselves, which, to some extent, I agree with. But there's a line. A line where you just have to know the turth

How can he fuel every word? – hopelessromantic
And, seriously, you do. Every memoir in forever has been about you. Ever the ones that don't seem to be about anyone, or anything. They're all about you. Every blog is different for you. Everything changes for you.

I keep wishing though nothing works. – SunnyHoneyBee
Every first star, every Santa, every 11:11, every eyelash. I wish all the time. Nothing changes, nothing works. But I'll keep wishing.

My heart flutters. Is that good? – happilyrunning
It's weird, I know that much. My heart does flutter, and it feels so odd. But nice. Still nice =). I remember how weak my heart used to feel, I remember when it would beat as if it was struggling. It doesn't struggle anymore. But it flutters =)

Make no mistake! I'm nothing special. – iamaspen
Sometimes I feel like I am though. Every time someone's face lights up from seeing me, I feel special. Every time someone talks to me. Everytime someone comments on my blog! I feel so special. It's funny, because I really am nothing special.

Need someone to come home for – Random Ninja
At the moment, it's my blog, and smithteens. No, seriously, those are the only things I come home for. No wonder my mum says I'm obsessed with my computer. But, there's nothing else. Just my blog, and smithteens.

Getting sidetracked during discussions with God. – Thriving Violet
I talk to God an awful lot. I think it's my version of praying. But it's like having a casual conversation. I tell him how I feel, and I tell him why I feel it, and he explains why he makes me feel that way. But we get sidetracked. No, him too, not just me. We chat like old friends. It's comfortable.

let's just go crazy for once. – Like.A.Kite
I think a little craziness in my life right now would do me good. =) Will you be crazy with me?
Haha, Pickle said to me the other day "You're talkative, but you're not crazy" Hehe, how he made me laugh.

Age should just be a number. – Cheru
No explanation necessary.

Close eyes and pretend you're here. – imissyoutoo
Reality becomes less real when you close your eyes. I prefer it like that.
"I'm right there if you get lonely, give this song another listen, close your eyes. Listen to my voice it's my disguise, I'm by your side"

Memoirs: Yes, I have a problem. – imissyoutoo
Haha, I know you're probably sick of them, I mean, jeez, it's just a few words, and who can pronounce memoir anyway? But they've saved my life. In many, many ways. So this is hwta you get.

--------

Someone else I fogot the other day.

All you said was "Here you go lovely" but you were so... happy. Thankyou for putting the smile back on my face. I'll miss you when you leave.

-------

This made my day today.
(Yes, I'm sad enough to be reading through blog archives. Shut up, he is awesome)

-------

Thankyou for reading =)
I'll see you under the moon.

Impossible Perfection

OK, because I am a bad blogger (deny it as much as you want Amy and Rosa, but you know it's true. You're just WORSE bloggers), I am going to blog again today. (no, this doesn't get me off the hook) Since I am again exceptionally uninspired (and tired =(), this blog will be about music again =)

Presenting Ebony's top 5 Songs of Right Now. (Yes, they've changed since last time, all of them)

1. Because I Do - Pearl and the puppets
Song on the vodaphone add =)
Best part:
I close my eyes so I'm not seeing
I shut my ears so I'm not hearing
I close my eyes so I'm not seeing
you're out of reach
now I'm leaving

And the saddest part was leaving. – CobbleStone

2. Sweet Dreams - Eurythmics
I have memories of being really little, and singing this song around the dinner table. Just how we sang "we are famiy" and joined hands and swayed. This song always reminds me of how happy our family was.
Best part:
Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree?
Travel the world and the seven seas
Everybody's looking for something

Smart Sweet Hopeless Romantic in Dreamland – straightxcurve

3. Smiley Face - Gnarls Barkley
The lyrics aren't all that good, but I love how happy it makes me feel =)
Best part:
I want to leap whenever I see you smiling
Because its easily one of the hardest things to do
Your worries and fears become your friends
And they end up smiling at you

He makes me smile so easily. – Lilly

4. It's not easy being green - Kermit the frog
OK, sure, that's allittle embarassing, a song by a muppet, but it's so cute, it is so good, I'm writing the wholesong for the best part.
Lyrics:
It's not that easy being green
Having to spend each day the color of the leaves
When I think it could be nicer being red, or yellow or gold
Or something much more colorful like that

It's not easy being green
It seems you blend in with so many other ordinary things
And people tend to pass you over 'cause you're
Not standing out like flashy sparkles in the water
Or stars in the sky

But green's the color of Spring
And green can be cool and friendly-like
And green can be big like an ocean, or important
Like a mountain, or tall like a tree

When green is all there is to be
It could make you wonder why, but why wonder why
Wonder, I am green and it'll do fine, it's beautiful
And I think it's what I want to be

Nobody said it would be easy... – lakeria2005

5. Way Back Into Love - Hugh Grant + Drew Barrymore
This song, and the movie, are so beautiful. Do we all remember my music and lyrics obsession? Yeah, well, this song had a lot to do with that.
Best part:
I've been looking for someone to shed some light,
Not somebody just to get me through the night,
I could use some direction,
And I'm open to your suggestions.

Music & Quotes; are my anti-drug.. - Anonymous.secrets


PS: I guess, searching through my entire library for good songs is bound to bring up the bad ones, and it's been a while since I heard this one, but, seriously, I wish I could just delete it.

Endless rainbow

I think... this helps. That's all.
So now, it's become some sort of weird obsession of mine.
And still, nothing changes. Except me.

Never want to get over you – voices.screaming

It's funny how you go through the year and nothing seems to change but when you look back, everything is different.
It's amazing that no matter how much we tell ourselves that we won't change for anyone, we always seem to.
And no matter how much we say we won't care what they think about us, it's the number one thing on our minds.
If you look at how I used to be and you look at me now, you'll realize I'm not the same girl I used to be.
All of this shit got to me.
I've always avoided fights.
I make jokes instead.
I tell people what they want to hear just to avoid confrontation.
I pretend to want things I don't want and I pretend not to want things I do want.
No one gets hurt except me.
The lines are so crossed and blurred at this point that I don't know what I want.
I just know I want it to be easy...
And sometimes it's easier for me to pretend rather than face my feelings.
Sometimes it's easier to try to make it alone rather than risk getting hurt again.
Sometimes it's easier to be numb towards certain people so I don't let them get too close.
Sometimes I'm scared, but when I act numb towards you, it doesn't mean I don't care, it means I care too much.

And we all know that love is stupid and screwed up
We all know that at the end of the day, everyone gets hurt
And everyone is lonelier than when they started.
But when you have it, it feels so beautiful
That we all go through it anyway.

My heart's his. He deserves better. – Thriving Violet


he landed smack in the middle of your world,
and turned everything upside down
until you were addicted to his smile,
his voice filled your dreams,
and everything that didn't make sense before
is all of a sudden perfect.

And sometimes you wish you could choose who you loved.
You wish you could decide who was best for you.
It would make life that much simpler...
But somehow, less magical.

All my memoirs are about him – hopelessromantic

And it actually is everything it's cracked up to be
It's worth fighting for, worth being brave for
It's worth getting hurt, and it's worth risking everything

Sometime saying goodbye is a way of say "I'll remember you"

Crash. That was you and me.

Because I am totally drowned in homework/assignments. (And I mean drowned, I've done 2 hours of homework today ALREADY) (And I NEVER do homework on Fridays, I leave it till the weekend), I am going to post EVEN WORSE than yesterday. And yes, it's anothre lame excuse I know. I am a bad blogger =(

"Imagine you are a sparrow. And you are sitting on the branch of a tree, looking out at the world. Would you worry why the sky was blue? Would you concern yourself with maths, or physics?"
"No, of course not."
"Why not?"
"Because it would be beyond the comprehension of my brain."
"So then, can you accept the fact that, as a man, there are things out there that are beyond the comprehension of your brain?"
"Well, if I couldn’t accept that, I would be a rather foolish man."

The immortal genius that is Star Trek =)

(Have I mentioned that I FINALLY have Sci Fi channel?)

Anyways.
Song? (remember, i'm a bad blogger) (at least im writing something, right?)


Crash.
That was you and me
Started out so innocently
Shattered on the ground
I hear the sound

Crash
Ringing in my ears
I still feel the sting of my tears
Someone wake me
I can’t seem to break free

go on
Get out of my head
I’m on the wrong side of a parallel universe
Am I alive or just dead
I’ve been stumblin' in the dark
Living in a crash world

Hush
Don’t say one more word
At this point the truth seems absurd
Cuz who we were
Is gone forever

Crushed
Underneath the fears
Everything’s so twisted and weird
Someone save me
I can’t seem to break free

Go on
Get out of my head
I’m on the wrong side of a parallel universe
Am I alive or just dead
I’ve been stumblin' in the dark
Living in a crash world
Crash world, yeah yeah

Slow motion
Devastation
Should’ve seen it coming
But I couldn’t do nothing

Emotion
Desperation
Someone save me
I can’t seem to break free

Go on
Get out of my head
I’m on the wrong side of a parallel universe
Am I alive or just dead
I’ve been stumblin' in the dark
Living in a crash world
crash world
crash world

I Swear

I am so tired, I actually have nothing to say.

Maybe if I actually got some sleep instead driving myself crazy by thinking...

Anyways, I'm sure I owe you a song.
Oh, the joys of music.
But all the songs I've had stick in my head today I've already used.
So... the song stuck in Jenny's head...
(We did a LOT of singing on the bus :L)


I swear by the moon and the stars in the sky
and I swear like the shadow that's by your side

I see the questions in your eyes
I know what's weighing on your mind
You can be sure I know my part
Cause I stand beside you through the years
You'll only cry those happy tears
And though I make mistakes
I'll never break your heart

And I swear by the moon
And the stars in the sky I'll be there
I swear like the shadow that's by your side I'll be there
For better or worse
Till death do us part
I'll love you with every beat of my heart
And I swear

I'll give you every thing I can
I'll build your dreams with these two hands
We'll hang some memories on the wall
And when (and when) just the two of us are there
You won't have to ask if I still care
Cause as the time turns the page
My love won't age at all

And I swear (I swear) by the moon
And the stars in the sky I'll be there (I'll be there)
I swear (and I swear) like the shadow that's by your side
I'll be there (I'll be there)

For better or worse
Till death do us part
I'll love you with every beat of my heart
And I swear

And I swear (I swear) by the moon
And the stars in the sky I'll be there (I'll be there)
I swear (and I swear) like the shadow that's by your side
I'll be there (I'll be there)

For better or worse (better or worse)
Till death do us part I'll love you
With every single beat of my heart
I swear I swear I swear

I'm so famous

Remeber how I said I was gonna be in the newspaper?

Click here.

You wish you were cool like me.

Jump

"Are you leaving me?"
"Yes, yes I am"
"But I need you"
"No, no you don't. Not anymore"

That's from a movie that I don't remember the name of.

Ok, so, I don't think you guys know this, but I have issues with my trampoline. EVERYDAY I go out and jump on it, and listen to random songs on my phone (sorry, I'm too cheap to have an MP3) (Actually, I sold it to my dad =L). Anyways, that's just the place where I think. And usually the place I go insane. But the cool thing is, the more insane I go, the higher I jump, and it just helps. Of course, my neighbours think I'm senile for singing really loudly whilst popping my head over the fence every now and then. (Then again, my neighbours already thinking I'm crazy for sitting on my driveway watching Luna).

Anyways. Today. I went out onto my tramoline. And on it was a birdie. A dead birdie (Yes, I cried, shut up), and that was sorta, metaphorical, to me.
Hehe, clearly, I'm thinking too much about this, but the point is that, eventually, well, "10 out of 10 people die" (that's a memoir, can't be bothered to look for writer).
And I think, in some sort or parallel mental universe, I am the bird, and I just sort of, fell.
Used to be a star. Fell. - Just a girl

(=O I've never used my own memoirs before)

So... shit, why can't I make sense today?

"I love it when you talk in circles that make perfect sense"
"Really?"

(^ from Because I Said So)

-----------------------------

OK, I get it. I screwed up. But, that's what I do. Mainly it's my mouth that gets me in trouble, and when it comes to fixing things, I mess them up even more.
The worst thing is that she was right about me. Every single part. That's exactly the person I am, and I think it's about time I admitted that to myself. But I won't. I'm far too stubborn for that...

-----------------------------

It's almost funny that people laugh.
"Because you laugh when I'm crying, and you say 'what?' when I'm making perfect sense"

(^Also from Because I Said So)

And they all laugh. Everyone finds it so hilarious. And I laugh along. Oh the beauty of a fake smile.

-----------------------------

I am so sorry that I forgot to mention you yesterday.

Thankyou. Just for being you. And saying everything you said.

-----------------------------

I count to three and grin.
You smile and let me in.
We sit and watch the wall you painted purple.
Speech will spill on space.
Our little cups of grace.
But pauses rattle on

About the way that you cut the snow-fence,
braved the blood,
the metal of those hearts
that you always end up
pressing your tongue to.

How your body still remembers things you told it to forget.
How those furious affections followed you.

I've got this store-bought way
of saying I'm okay,
and you learned how to cry in total silence.
We're talented and bright.
We're lonely and uptight.
We've found some lovely ways to disappoint

But the airport's always almost empty this time of the year,
so let's go play on a baggage carousel.
Set our watches forward like we're just arriving here
from a past we left in a place we knew too well.

Hold on
To the corners of today,
and we'll fold them up to save until it's needed.
Stand still.
Let me scrub that brackish line that you got
when something rose and then receded.

Hold on.

-----------------------------

I guess... that's it.

Mainly because I'm missing Star Trek.

Everything in moderation

Friendless life is a colorless rainbow. – MrsArchuleta101

I am giving Corinne a tad more incentive to actually bother reading my blog from time to time by mentioning her in today's post. (Do you feel famous?)
Today, my awesome Corinne went to the Hume Zone Swimming Carnival, and raced 3 times! She came last, second last, and first!! Yay for Corinne.
She is spending a total of 2 days at school this week, because she, unlike the rest of the world, actually has a life. Le sigh.

--------

I miss the person I was. – jenibo

I miss being little.
Haha, I don't know why I thought of that.
But seriously, I miss it soo much.

I miss playing in the sand pit with my sister when we were little. And taking turns to fill up a bucket with water, so we could wet the sand, and make it stick together.
I remember the day we sold our sandpit on ebay.

I miss playing on the swingset with my sister and neighbour. And all our family friends would come over, and we'd take turns. I remember going higher and higher, over the top bar. And feeling so proud of ourselves.
I remember when we gave the swingset away.

---------

my computer is my best friend. – lemonsherry

These are all about different people. See if you can figure it out =)

And I know it didn't seem like a rather large gesture, but I want you to know that I meant every word of it.

We're getting on each other's nerves. We've been getting on each other's nerves for a year now. You tell me how bad you are, and I tell you how good you are. One day I'm gonna agree with you, and you're gonna have to put up with it.

Oh. My. Gosh. THANKYOU!! FINALLY someone actually understands me and the twisted way I think and feel. You knew I'd understand, and that's what means the most to me. Thankyou for sharing your thoughts with me.

Because when I get seriously upset about something miniscule and stupid in my life, I always know where I can turn to and find a way to smile. Thankyou for making me feel wonderful.

I worry about you. Which is probably undeserving because you could hardly care less about me.

Thankyou for caring. Because, actually, I wasn't okay, I was far from okay, but it means so much to me that you asked.

I hate it when you do things like that. What I hate more is that I'll forgive you. You'll smile, and suddenly I'll forgive you for everything. Even though you don't deserve it.

We don't talk all that much, but I feel like you get me more than most other people I talk to everyday.

I'm trying. Well, actually, I'm not trying that hard... but what you asked for is a big deal to me, and I can't do big things without thinking about them. A lot. I'm sitll thinking.

------

Let's run away. Just one day. – MirrukuChii

I know most of you don't know this song. That is because you are all musically challenged. This is the world's best song. It has been my favourite song for as long as I can remember (knowing my memory, that could just be a week).

Say it's true,
there's nothing like me and you
I'm not alone,
tell me you feel it too

And I would run away
I would run away, yeah..., yeah
I would run away
I would run away with you

Cause I am falling in love with you
No never I'm never gonna stop
Falling in love with you

Close the door,
lay down upon the floor
And by candlelight,
make love to me through the night

Cause I have run away
I have run away, yeah..., yeah
I have run away, run away
I have run away with you

Cause I am falling in love with you
No never I'm never gonna stop
Falling in love with you...
With you...

And I would runaway
I would runaway, yeah..., yeah
I would runaway (runaway)
I would runaway with you

Cause I am falling in love with you
No never I'm never gonna stop
Falling in love with you...

Falling in love with you
No never I'm never gonna stop falling in love with you

With you, my love, with you...
na ni na ni na na...
With you, with you, with you, with you

--------

Condensing my thoughts into six words. – coulda.been.a.comet

Here is how comet got her name:

“I could have been a comet, streaking across the cosmos.
Bumping into others just to say, "Hello, I'm a comet too, you know."
I could have been a comet, always on the move,
or coming home.
What say you, my friends on Earth,
Will you have me? If I don't cause too much of a stir?
I could have been a comet,
but instead I am a girl.
Not half as interesting, or beautiful.
But, in some ways, I'll forever be a comet.”

I Love My Little stalkers =)

I actually have some news that could in some universe be seen as being interesting, and I completely forgot to tell you guys about it.
I am going to be in the newspaper!
No, I can’t remember which one, okay? But I’m patting a calf!! :):)
A calf who was born last night (yes, adorable, I know)
And I got to answer all theses random questions about our school farm, and how they might not be selling it and blah di blah.

Anyways, I’m famous!!
That’s all.

Now, I have had this song stuck in my head all day, even though I only know the chorus, and I've only heard it about 5 times (yay for disney channel adds).
Anyways, it is NOT by my stalkerband (finally!), but it's pretty close. (doesn't count, toally doesn't count)

I give you Little Wonders - Rob Thomas

let it go,
let it roll right off your shoulder
don't you know
the hardest part is over
let it in,
let your clarity define you
in the end
we will only just remember how it feels

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours
still remain

let it slide,
let your troubles fall behind you
let it shine
until you feel it all around you
and i don't mind
if it's me you need to turn to
we'll get by,
it's the heart that really matters in the end

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
but these small hours,
these small hours
still remain

all of my regret
will wash away some how
but i can not forget
the way i feel right now

in these small hours
these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away
but these small hours
these small hours,
still remain,
still remain

these little wonders
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away
but these small hours
these little wonders still remain




Oh right.
Alvi, if you’re reading this, I am extraordinarily sorry for not catching the bus on Wednesday/Friday. But on Wednesday I had to work straight after school, and on Friday, we had a SDD. I am very very sorry.
And if you’re not reading this… we’re even again :L
Win-win! Gotta love it :)

Singing Star.

I really don't have time to blog today.
But I am SO ranty, that I will anyway :L.
And I have heaps of stuff I wanna write, but I won't get time, and then I'll forget, and that pisses me off, which makes me even more ranty. So this blog probably won't be very nice.
Note: Some of this is taxxed.


I promised myself I would never become this person. This needy, hopeless, cliche person.
I told myself then I wouldn't miss that part of my past. But I wouldn't regret it either.
I promised myself I wouldn't act like this and think like this, and then today, I felt this weird jolt, and I remembered everything.
everything I made myself forget so that I wouldn't have regrets. And, to some extent, I don't think I do regret it.
But I miss it, and everything that came with it. Including the person I became.


There's so much more than what we see
Can't explain the spell I'm under
Everytime I look upon your face
I'm constantly amazed
And love moves through my days
In mysterious ways


People tell you to live for today.
But by the time you wake up tomorrow, today will be over.
So live for everyday, and live for every part of everyday.
That doesn't mean you should leave things until tomorrow, or that you should focus your attention on tomorrow, because tomorrow is still too unstable. But everyone should stop living just for today.


I walked away from everyone else because of you.
I lied to everyone else because of you.
You who calls me pretty instead of beautiful.
You who would rather not talk to me, than get caught talking to me.
You who always makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong.
You who makes my heart race when you send me a text message with only 3 letters. Whilst every other guy had to write for forever to get that same reaction.
And I find myself getting so mad at myself because I love you. You who doesn't try as much as they all did.
But the truth is that I am in love with you.
And that's worth being called pretty,
and it's worth not being talked to,
and its worth lying to everyone,
and it's worth the three letter conversation.
Because I love you. And I never loved any of them.
And I can't help it, and I can't change it.

And it has taken me a year and a half to find even a single flaw in you. One thing that doesn't possess devine beauty.
And now that I've found your flaws. I have this incomprehendible way of loving you even more for it.
Which I didn't even know was possible.


when i told you, you make me weak, i didnt mean at the knees.
when i told you, you made me cry, it wasnt tears of joy.
and when i told you, you made me happy, it wasnt because you were there.

Thankyou for reading ;)
I'll see you under the moon.

Memoirs

one - To do the wrong thing? Or do the right thing for the wrong reasons?
TWO - I told myself this was gonna be worse than last time. That this one would hurt more, it would go on for longer, and be deeper than every other time I’ve been depressed. I didn’t think it was going to be this bad. I’ve never cut myself before…
three - The fact that you can no longer form a coherent sentence in English freaks me out beyond belief. he fact that you can’t remember my name properly, that you can hardly think properly… it’s seriously messing with my head. Don't do this, please don't do this
four - Amazing how easy it is for you, and yet how hard it is for me.

Ok, you see, if I don't post today, then I am totally screwing with my blog karma for the month. And if I don't blog in the next 4 and a half minutes, I won't get a chance to blog. So I am just sharing some memoirs with you.
Enjoy!

Sometimes I wish you read these. – 1073
Time’s moving, just not fast enough. – jessjess
Sometimes I wanna hold your hand. – anotherme
I don't learn from my mistakes. – coloredpencils
Stars make us all seem inadequate – voices.screaming
"Wait, who?" "Oh, just this boy.." – MirrukuChii
I shouldn't be allowed to think. – edyka
I smile when I'm really sad. – couldabeenacomet
It's actually just impossible. The end. – J600y
Met a boy. He's too perfect. – stsally

Sorry.

I guess we all knew this was coming. It's my addiction. I just love writing these blogs.
Put up with it?

I wish you knew my thoughts. Even the ones I’m too embarrassed to tell you. I wish you knew that I was yours. I wish you knew that I compare everyone to you, and they all fall short. I wish you knew that I think about you all the time. Even at inappropriate times. I wish you knew that, whatever I’m doing, I always picture how different it would be if you were by my side (and it ALWAYS improves). I wish you knew that I want to spend my life with you by my side. I wish you knew how much I do things you do, and how much it makes me smile. I wish you knew how in love with you I am.

Sometimes I scare even myself. These thoughts make my mind swirl. Every word that means something different to me. Every hidden meaning, behind every alternate reality. And everytime something makes no sense, it always does to me.

If I trust in you, would you let me down?

Would you laugh at me, if I said I care for you?

Could you feel the same way too?

I wanna know..

Now I am here, talking to you

No wonder I get excited

Your smile, and the sound of your voice

And the way you see through me

Got a feeling, you give me no choice

But it means a lot to me

“What’s wrong?” They ask, as if they have no idea. “What’s always wrong?” I reply. Their faces don’t change, nothing changes, nothing will ever change. “Stop dwelling” as if solutions were so simple. “Distract me” I say. Of all the games we play, this is my favourite. The search for distractions. My favourite part is when they say something that reminds me of you, and they don’t realise. “Thank you” I say, as if their distracting worked, and I smile like Mona Lisa until the day’s end.

I want my fairytale
Just one second of it
One hug, or one touch
One chance to say ‘I love you’ in person
I want one opportunity to see your face
Or hear your voice
Or smell your scent
I want one opportunity
For me to give up on these stupid daydreams
Because there’s nothing left to be up all night imagining
Because it’s all real

Finally.

One of these days,
I’m gonna tell him I dream of him ever night
One of these days,
I’m gonna show him I care

Gonna teach him a lesson alright

You know, I search. Trying to figure out what I want. Of course, my subconscious is wiling to provide several scenarios that I “want”, but none of these seem to quite satisfy the question burning on the tip of my mind.

Maybe after all these useless words, we’ll figure out that nothing’s changed. That we can talk as much as we want, and nothing will ever make a difference. What then? Maybe these are just words, maybe that’s all they’ll ever be.

And if it’s alright I’ll still be loving you
Cuz I can’t break it to my heart
You still don’t have the answers
But if I still believe you love me,
Maybe I’ll survive,

So I tell myself you’re coming home

Some birds are not meant to be caged, that's all. Their feathers are too bright, their songs too sweet and wild. So you let them go, or when you open the cage to feed them, they somehow fly out past you. And the part of you that knows it was wrong to imprison them in the first place, but still, the place which you live is that much more drab and empty for their departure.

Or hug me. Because, I mean, sure, I have my issues, but if you really get to know me, you'll realise that I'm just lonely. That I just need a friend, I just need one really long hug and then maybe I'll be okay. So hug me, or talk to me, or listen to me when I'm going nuts and have only one thing I want to talk about. I need someone to listen sometimes. And other times, I need someone to care.

Smiling faces I can see

But not for me

I sit and watch

As tears go by

My riches cant buy everything

I want to hear the children sing

All I hear is the sound

Of rain falling on the ground

I sit and watch

As tears go by

Love is when they tell you what song they’re listening to, and your heart stops. Because this is the song you play on loop every night. Crying. Thinking of them.

Love is imagining them by your side, every second of every day.

Love is when everything you think, say or write, can be interpreted in such a way that it has a special meaning for them.

Love is hugging your pillow.

Love is staying up until midnight on Monday to Thursday.

Love is wishing on 11:11.

Love is waking up unhappy because the dream’s over.

Love is having only one thing you want to talk about. Always.

Love is you.

People say ‘follow your heart’, but I can’t. My brain very well knows that what my heart wants is irrational. And still, my brain momentarily stops functioning everytime I think of you. I think it is those moments that my brain knows my heart will win. It can’t argue with that, so it pretends to not be paying attention.

The sight of you will prove to me I’m still alive
And when you take me in your arms
And hold me tight

I know it’s gonna mean so much

I’m not sure you even know what it feels like.
To wake up every morning exhilarated
Before you realise that it was a dream, not reality
To wake up every morning hopeful
Could this be the day?
And to wake up every morning saddened…

Maybe tomorrow.

And you are the only one I dream of every night.

The only one I miss everyday.

You are my everything.

I think you're so mean

I think we should try

I think I could need

This in my life

I think I'm just scared

I think too much

I know this is wrong

It's a problem I'm dealing

And I just wanted you to know that I miss you.

And it feels like you're too far away, everytime I want to talk to you

I want you to know that I want you.

You were my best friend. And I told you everything. I still want my best friend.

And I want you to know that I need you.

That part of me is dying, because it has to live without you.

I want you to know that I love you.

And you think you understand that, but in all honesty, you couldn't even comprehend.

Well that's different

There’s a place I go
When I’m alone
Do anything I want
Be anyone I wanna be

This is who I wanna be

one - They talk as if they care. The ask as if it makes a difference. They listen as if they want to know. And it doesn't matter. I'll pretend that everyone cares, and I'll keep talking. Till everything stops hurting, and I am exhausted. And then I will stop. Stop hurting, stop talking stop caring.
TWO - Sometimes my mind drives me insane. The way I overanalyse myself and my life. I'm just like Gigi, as if every word makes a difference. And maybe, to some people, it does.
three - My OCD is killing me. Today in Smiggle I rearranged every single pencil container so that the rainbow striped lined up. And then I found another section...
Why, God, why??
four - The melody in my head is enough. The one that plays softly, sweetly. The one that plays my thoughts, my mood. My own little tune. The tune of infinite harmony, the tune that fits everything today. The tune you'll never be able to write, because the spirit isn't in the notes.

--------------------------------

I still don't have anything to write, per se. (How do you spell that?)

perhaps I shall continue then...

five - and to you it doesn't change a thing, to me it changes everything. but everything looks better in this light. so i'll let you believe what you will.
six - I want to be normal. Nothing more, just normal. Each day I crave normallity. I don't want to be smart or pretty or lucky or talented. I don't want anything I don't have... except normality.
seven - people tell me I have time, that I should stop rushing. No one knows that time is running out, each day it gets closer closer closer.
eight - Because it understood what it's like to miss someone. Someone who still stays close enough to make you smile, make you want them. But not quite close enough, not close enough to see.
nine - The empty pages haunt me. The lack of thought. The lack of being. Every unwritten word pricks my soul. And every word remains unwritten
ten - That's the smile we all miss. The one we all love, the one we haven't seen in a while. Of course, the fake smile is getting better. But we miss your smile.

--------------------------------

huh. im weird :S

Just stupid stuff.

one - 10 out of 10. It's always 10 out of 10.
TWO - When you think about it. You're 1 in 6 billion. 6 billion more important than you. 6 billion more important that what you think, and what you feel. 6 million more important than anything you've ever done. Not a single one more important than him...
three - And I'm a dreamer. I'll always be a dreamer. Sure, I can be realistic, but there'll always be a part of me that doesn't care for the truth. A part of me that can fly, and the only part of me that can feel. The part not afraid to dream.
four - Sometimes you can't help but feel sore.

I have nothing to say.
Because everything I have to say, I can't say, because I shouldn't say, because I shouldn't feel.

And this speechlessness is something entirely new for me.
Then again, so was jealousy.
And so, too, was shyness.

Wow.

Haha, yay for new experiences?

I hate that this blog is so wrong now.
I hate that, it doesn't live up to its purpose.
I hate that it's becoming a bloggyblog.
For the readers, not the writer.
I actually don't like it when people say "I love your blog"
I think "It's my blog, not yours, you're supposed to love it"
And I don't love it as much as I should.
And I KNOW I used to.
It had the happy aura I have been desperatley trying to create around myself all week.

And now I think of it an awful lot, and don't really write what I'm thinking.
Usually because I'm too scared.
Too scared that I will jump, and fall down.
Where did my wings go?

Finally, finally, finally, I'm back.

one - Have you ever felt beautiful? And I mean really beautiful, not just "I think I'm good looking", but more "I think I'm a good person and I love myself". Because I think you are all beautiful.
TWO - I want to be strong enough to smile, but part of me likes being weak enough to have an excuse not to.
three - People kept saying to me today "there will be other ANZAC days". The thing I never had the courage to say was "Yes, but how many more will he be alive for?". Maybe it would have shut some people up... but I don't want to think like that. Ever.
four - Don't kill me. Hurt me as much as you want, but, please, learn when you're crossing the line.

What a week.

What a BAD week, mainly, but also, just in gereal, what a week.

And I would tell you guys all about it, but I don't have the time/patience. So, I'll just say, what a week.

It went very slowly, and I missed my blog A LOT! I missed other people's blogs too, and reading other people's thoughts, I missed smithteens. I think I missed smithteens the most.
I missed having somewhere I can talk about happy stuff. Because that's what this blog is, now. It's happy. All these sad thoughts within me are ignored, so I can blog the happy stuff, and make myself feel happy.

I'm sorta glad I took a week off though. I mean, like I said, it wasn't a very good week, and I'm not sure I would have wanted people to know what I was thinking. Also, I did HEAPS of hw/studying. I am soo proud of myself! I've written IPT/Maths notes for the year, almost caught up on all the work I missed, and gone through and taught myself everything that my teachers are too incompetent to teach me.

And I've cried. About everything else, I've cried a lot. Which makes me feel freer. (Is that a word?)

I'm still not quite back to normal. Or at least, normal for myself. But I think I'm climbing again. Saturday was the low point, and it's all up from here. So I have hope. Because, well, things won't always be this way.

And, although I've lost my teddy, I still have my ewok (another reason why I will have to marry a star wars fan), and he hugs me too =)

So farewell, I shall blog again... eventually (maybe not tomorrow...)
I'll see you under the moon!




Conversations with my thirteen year old self

You're angry
I know this
The world couldn't care less
You're lonely
I feel this
And you wish you were the best

No teachers
Or guidance
And you always walk alone
You're crying
At night when
Nobody else is home

Come over here and let me hold your hand and hug you darling
I promise you that it won't always feel this bad
There are so many things I want to say to you
You're the girl I used to be
You little heartbroken thirteen year old me

You're laughing
But you're hiding
God I know that trick too well
You forget
That I've been you
And now I'm just the shell
I promise
I love you and
Everything will work out fine
Don't try to
Grow up yet
Oh just give it some time

The pain you feel is real you're not asleep but it's a nightmare
But you can wake up anytime
Oh don't lose your passion or the fighter that's inside of you
You're the girl I used to be
The pissed off complicated thirteen year old me

Conversations with my thirteen year old self
Conversations with my thirteen year old self

Until we meet again
Oh I wish you well oh
I wish you wellLittle girl
Until we meet again
Oh I wish you well
Little girl
I wish you well
Until we meet again
My little thirteen year old me