~Twilight~

What I wrote on Sunday but didn’t post: 

 ‘‘I put my knees together, one elbow on each, and my forearms perpendicular with the car floor below me. I was vaguely aware of the chattering around me about my sister’s driving. I rested my face in the palms of my hands, allowing my hair to fall around me. And I thought of him. Every part of his precious beauty filled me as I wistfully wished him to be mine. My face grew sadder as the minutes passed by, and my fantasy fled as I realised he was the one thing I could never have.

 “What’s up?” my father’s words interrupted my thoughts, and I jerked my head up to look at him

 “She’s scared of my driving” my sister joked.

 “Enough to give you an instant headache, huh?” 

“No…” I stopped myself before I told them what I had been thinking. My father distracted my sister by continuing to instruct her driving, I was thankful to him. I allowed my mind to again be consumed with thoughts of him as I drifted between fantasy and reality.’ 

 OH SNAP!! 

But I like it… it’s sorta… nice. 

Like, idealistic, if you will. 

 I wrote that yesterday, in Spanish school. Just thought I’d share.

 You see… I want my own fantasy.

 Exam week. For everyone else… a big deal, they spent all week (and weekend for that matter) studying. What did I do? Read twilight 3 times. Midnight Sun (ch1-12) twice. New Moon. 

 So I’m guessing you’ve found my addiction. 

 And I don’t read the books because I like them, because I don’t think I like them all that much, they’re just my drug, my addiction. They give me hope. 

 As much as I try to remind myself that they are just books, I find great joy in believing that every girl has an Edward Cullen.’

 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

 Today: I figured it out. My addiction. I had an epiphany. 

 What’s the best thing about fantasy? You get to get away, escape everything, over look reality. 

 So why have I drowned my self in it?? Because that, more than anything else in the world, is what I need. I may have been acting a little odd lately, in fact I probably still am. Just a little…void. I don’t know why that is. I Do know, however that, although I do not enjoy the twilight series, I UNDERSTAND it, and that means more than you would think. I understand everything they do, except Edward, he just pisses me off. And, because I understand it, AND relate to it, it feels real to me. It feels like… I’m blurring the lines between fantasy and reality. I’ve forgotten where I end and Bella begins. Her traits and mine, intertwined within my head, so that through it all, I have hope. So why don’t you have hope, Ebony? Why don’t you have something to look forward to? Why don’t you CARE anymore??

 My answer: I don’t know. I just want to be lost, until it all finishes. What “it” is, I do not know. I just know that it must end for me to be happy. So… my dear Twilight, I have welcomed you with open arms Hoping that you hold something for me I don’t know if you do, I just know that you make things hurt less, and yet you still let me feel. What more could I want?? Twilight. When I first learnt that word, it was pure peace to me. It reminded me of blue, purple and black. The gap between cloudless day and cloudless night, it was poetic. I will never think of it that way again, it will always represent something comfortable, but never peaceful, I have lost the peace. But after all of this, I would like to end with a song, an unusual occurrence for my random blogs, but still, not a first. 

 The song: Wuthering Heights.

 The story: Similar to new moon. (important parts BIGGER) 

The difference: The names, there is a slight amount of role reversal, but all the ideas are common. Let Wuthering Weights be your forks. The lyrics:

Out On the wiley, windy moors

We'd roll and fall in green

You had a temper, like my jealousy

Too hot, too greedy

How could you leave me

When I needed to possess you?

I hated you, I loved you too

Bad dreams in the night

They told me I was going to lose the fight

Leave behind my wuthering, wuthering

Wuthering Heights

Heathcliff, it's me, Cathy, I've come home

I'm so cold, let me in in-a-your-window

Heathcliff, it's me, Cathy, I've come home

I'm so cold, let me in in-a-your-window

Oh it gets dark, it gets lonely

On the other side from you

I pine alot, I find the lot

Falls through without you

I'm coming back love, cruel Heathcliff

My one dream, my only master

Too long I roam in the night

I'm coming back to his side to put it right

I'm coming home to wuthering, wuthering

Wuthering Heights

Heathcliff, it's me, Cathy, I've come home

I'm so cold, let me in in-a-your-window

Heathcliff, it's me, Cathy, I've come home

I'm so cold, let me in in-a-your-window

Ooh let me have it, let me grab your soul away

Ooh let me have it, let me grab your soul away

You know it's me, Cathy

Heathcliff, it's me, Cathy come home

I'm so cold, let me in in-a-your-window

Heathcliff, it's me, Cathy come home

I'm so cold, let me in in-a-your-window

Heathcliff, it's me, Cathy come home

I'm so cold

Intoxicating

Ok, so, you were away today, yes, I noticed. But it’s the only day out of this week and next that you don’t have exams, so you are forgiven.

I only realised today, that I see you EVERYDAY. I mean like, sure, on the train, but this week, you haven’t caught my train ( =( ) because of your stupid foot. But still I’ve seen you everyday. You haven’t even had lunch and recess at the same time as the rest of the school, but still, I’ve seen you everyday. I’m starting to feel a bit like a stalker.

Like, I see you walk into school, cuz in the mornings I sit near the gate. I see you at random times when you decide to SIT AT MY TABLE!!!!

Amy: *walking up to table, ROFLING*
Me: “It is so not funny! So BEYOND funny!!”
Amy: *still laughing*

So I walked away, I was the only one there anyway, (out of my group), so I usually walk away, I just walked away especially quickly.

Shailin: “Why didn’t you talk to him?”
Me: *thinks really hard*…. “Because, it hurts me, he makes me feel bad about myself”
Shai: “So WHY DO YOU LIKE HIM??”
Me: *thinks again, still really hard* “Because he’s really nice to everyone else”

And thus it stands.

It still hurts me, a lot, to talk to you.
I am “intoxicated by your presence”.
You still don’t care that you hurt me.
You are taking Bianca to her prom. (Just thought I’d throw that in there, so irrelevant)
It scares me slightly to be around you, but also, I love that thrill, so I cannot stay away
You make my heart act in weird and wonderful ways; it has been know to stop around you.
I don’t like that you got hurt, I really don’t. I looked up, saw you, and thought “Not him”. But you’ve hurt me so much, that I try so hard to make it about me.

I should explain that more:

Afterwards, after I’d looked down again, I tried to think of a reason why this would be good for me. You’d hurt yourself, and that hurt me, I needed some sort of… consolation prize. Whilst my primary fear was for you, I try so hard to hurt myself less, and so, my instinct was to be glad that you’d hurt yourself. To make us balance, equal.

Oh and one last thing, Monday! I didn’t MEAN it like that. It’s just that, when you come up in conversation (as you so often seem to, whether with my sister or even Christina), I keep you there, when people start to stray, I bring the conversation back to you, it gives me an excuse to think of you. So whilst it may have seen mean, it was merely a way of stopping their minds from deviating for a few seconds longer.

…

I can’t pick a song. I’m trying, I’d Lie comes to mind, but even since my sister told me it reminds her of Twilight, I’ve been reluctant to think of it in association with you. It’s just, one of those things.

…

Oh well, here, have two lines:

“Wouldn’t it be nice to leave it open-ended, and pretend it could go either way?”

Can't Lose What You Never Had - Westlife

Ok, so I haven’t blogged about you in a while, again.
I know, I keep doing that, but it’s probably because things never seem to change with you.
Today: First day back this term.
You weren’t on the train.
After P2: I see you walking past with your friends, on crutches; you’d hurt your foot.
First thought: Ouch! Poor thing.
Second thought: Jeez, about time he hurt someone other than me.

See, my liking you comes before my hating you. I don’t like that. I don’t want to care about you, just like you don’t care about me.

Our only conversation today (so far):
You: “HI EBONY!!”
Me: *looks up* “HI!” *looks down again*
You: “I don’t like you.”
Me: *walks away*

Come on! Who just throws that into conversation? I KNOW!! I know you hate me, okay? I don’t the need the not-so-friendly reminder.

All day, I’ve been really quiet, yes! Me! Quiet.

Amy: “We came first in state for Wakakirri!!!”
Me: *distantly* “Cool…”

Seriously, normally, I would be like, jumping sky high about stuff like that. Not today! Today, you told me that you “don’t like” me. And not even because it came up, but because you thought I should know that.

I DO! You think I make up this crap??

Me & Shailin today

Shai: “So tell me about your boy troubles”
Me: “Well…”
Shai: “Wait is it about…?” *tilts head*
ME: “Yeah”
Shai: “Continue”
Me: “He hates me”
Shai: “Really?”
ME: “Yeah”
Shai: “How do you know?”
Me: “He said so”
Shai: “As in a joke?”
Me: “Nope”
Shai: “Why does he hate you?”
Me: “No idea”
Shai: “Really?”
Me: “Yeah”

That sorta got me thinking… why do you hate me?
I mean sure, I’m not the nicest person in the world, I get that, but I’m not exactly the worst either. I’m okay, once you get to know me. I have my flaws, but nothing that bad.

I don’t get it.

But thankyou for hurting yourself.


Baby you're so beautiful,
and when i'm near you,
i can't breathe,(i can't breathe)
A guy like you gets what you want,when you want it,
You're so out of my league,
I show you no emotion,
Don't let you see, what you're doin' to me
I imagine the two of us together,
but i've been living in reality,

Fear of rejection,
kept my love inside,
But time is running out,
so damn my foolish pride,

I don't care if you think i'm crazy
It doesn't matter if it turns out bad,
I've got no fear of losing you,
You can't lose what you never had,

Now i'm gonna confess, that i love you,
I've been keeping it inside, feelin i could die,
But if you turn away, baby that's okay,
At least we had a moment,before you say goodbye,
You can lose what you never had,

Rules are made for breaking,
Nothing ventured nothing gained,
I'll be no worse off than i am right now,
and i might never get that chance again,baby,

Fear of rejection,
kept my love inside,
Told my heart i didn't want you,
but i lied,

I don't care if you think i'm crazy,
It doesn't matter if it turns out bad
I've got no fear of losing you,
You can't lose what you never had,

Now i'm gonna confess, that i love you,
I've been keeping it inside, feelin i could die,
But if you turn away, baby that's okay,
At least we had a moment,before you say goodbye,
You can lose what you never had,

Here on the outside looking in,
Don't wanna stay dreaming bout,
what could have been,
Need to hear you speak my name,
even if you shoot me down in flames,

I don't care if you think i'm crazy
It doesn't matter if it turns out bad
I've got no fear of losing you,
You can't lose what you never had,

Now i'm gonna confess that i love you
I've been keepin it inside,
feelin i could die
But if you turn away, baby that's okay
At least we have a moment before you say good-bye
You can't lose what you never had

My Holiday

Haven’t blogged all holidays, and for good reason, I tried to forget everything. It may not have worked, but I tried.

I didn’t want to come here, and let myself think. Because I have a crazy mind, and with the out the regularity and sanity of school I’m sure I would have gone crazy here. It’s what I do. If you know me, you know that. I over think and overanalyse everything. I end up thinking I know things that aren’t true.

The other reason I didn’t blog is because I got really depressed. Especially in the first week. I remember saying earlier that in last year’s holidays I hit rock bottom. Well, I did it again. I was crazy. I hardly even remember the week. I just sat here, at this computer, listened to the same songs over again, played solitaire and went mental. I wrote, this thing. I was meaning to put it here on this blog spot, but now, it just scares me that I thought these thoughts:

What you’ve never known about me: I actually walk really slowly normally, I only walk fast with friends, because I can escape, and be alone. I love being alone, because I’m not me around other people, I’m who I pretend to be, and I don’t really like that person. I’m actually not a happy person. I smile. I laugh. I joke. But it’s not me. Me: I hate the world. I think happiness is overrated. I love to cry. Sometimes I force myself to cry because it makes me feel. I love to feel. My favourite song at the moment: Try Honesty – Billy Talent. I envy Goths because they have no worries. I like bright colours because they remind me of someone I could never be. I enjoy be upset. “Do what makes you happy, if being miserable is what makes you happy, then be miserable, as long as it makes you happy.” It doesn’t make me happy, it makes me satisfied. Things hurt less when you let them hurt more. Going crazy with anger makes you freer than going crazy on happiness. I don’t envy happy people, because people think I’m a happy person. I understand. They’re just trapped, trapped behind a disguise they invented. A disguise they invented to make other people happy. Other people don’t like sadness. They don’t like it when you say suicide is a good idea, that you’ve contemplated it, or that you know 17 different ways to kill yourself. I understand emos, people who self harm. When things hurt physically, the emotional pain goes away, it’s overpowered. Emotional pain feels worse, but physical pain is stronger, it helps you forget.

What scares the most about that, is that most of it is true. I walk faster with others, I love to cry, that is my favourite song, even though it’s what I imagine death would sound like.
I’m scared of that person, of who I was. And I don’t just mean last week. I know none of you knew me before high school, and those of you that did, you’d know that I never had real friends, people I could tell stuff. But I was seriously emo, I cried randomly for no reason. I wrote lists of all the reasons I should stay alive, but gradually crossed off everything. Everytime I was happy, I gave myself a reason, then I added it to the list, but it was all crossed off.

Until I decided to be a vet. I think that was escape. My reason, “for the animals”, even now I find written over and over again on sheets of paper, in my diary, all over my room. I convinced myself to live, for all the animals I could save. I find it insane when I think about it now, and I’m scared of that person I was. Everytime I look into my past, I’m surprised by what I went through. Most people have some sort of childhood issues, but mine went further than others, I can actually understand how I became depressed. I was severely traumatised as a child.

I make excuses for things now, I make excuses for people, for how they treated me, I try to see the other side of everything. I think that’s damaging to my conscious, I can understand every side of the story, so am okay when I do the wrong thing. I know who started all this, I know who I blame. My parents may truly believe that I’ve led a sheltered life, but I’ve seen things you only ever read about in magazines, things that give people nightmares. They almost found out once, what she did to me, but I stopped them, I got away. They were shocked, but they let me distract them, looking back, I shouldn’t have, but I did. Now, I’d prefer that I had the protection I needed. I’m still making excuses for her in my mind though, and I need someone to tell me that what she did was wrong, that I didn’t deserve it, that when she told me it would be fun, she didn’t mean for me. I need someone to tell me that I was right to be scared, that I wasn’t a whimp. I need someone to understand.

You watch those shows, and you see people say, “it’s not your fault, you did nothing to cause this, she is in the wrong, not you” and you think, Jeez! Kid! Get it already, how can you still think it was you? But the thing is, I trusted her, so it was my fault. You watch other people like you and you think, “ it wasn’t you, you deserve so much more than that”, but why don’t think I deserve more? This blog is probably scaring anyone who’s reading it, because this is a really big secret, and most of you probably know what I’m talking about, what the thing is, but none of you know the person. None of you know what happened, how it happened, how I remember every second, and no matter what I do, it will only ever be me, no one else can ever understand. Because I let her! It was her fault, but I let her get away with it. For over a year! Every week! I let her treat me worse than I should be treated.

I try to tell myself that I didn’t know better, in fact, I had no idea what she was doing. But no matter how innocent I was, I must have understood. I must have actually gotten it.

And now this is completely sidetracked, cuz I was meant to be telling you about my holiday. Well, I’m too annoyed now, Ill blog about the holiday another time.

~The Beautiful People I Sometimes Call Friends~

i wanna talk about my people
cuz they rock!!
and i love them very muchly.

so im gonna talk about my group (alpha order)

Amy.
song that reminds me of you: I'll always be right there - Michelle Branch
poem that reminds me of you:
If I could catch a rainbow
I would do it just for you
And share with you its beauty
On the days you’re feeling blue

If I could build a mountain
You could call your very own
A place to find serenity
A place to be alone
If I could take your troubles
I would toss them in the sea
But ALL these things, I’m finding, are impossible for me.

I cannot build a mountain
Or catch a rainbow fair
But let me be what I know best
A friend who’s always there

yeah, pretty much sums it up, but, in ebony words:
you are soo cool!! but when you get upset, i feel so bad, cuz i cant do anything, cuz ur issues are so BIG!! so i hugg you, and try to make you smile, cuz i feel so helpless, so i am TRYING, ok? ily (L)

Jenny
song that reminds me of you: Shine - Aly & AJ
poem that reminds me of you:
Inside jokes and many laughs
All of the good times together
I couldn't find another friend
That is any better

You're there for my good times
And definitely there for my bad
You're there when I'm happy as can be
And you're there when I'm sad

I'll always be here for you
My sister, my friend
Partner in crime
Until the very end

So, I have something to say
To this amazing friend of mine:
For you, I'll walk through hell
Break all the rules and cross every line

yeah, that pretty much sums it up, but in ebony words:
ur awesome, you're always always there. you're a little bit closed, but you're learning to open. you are such a beautiful person, and i dont want you to ever forget that, you're amazing.

Joannie
song that reminds me of you: You Raise Me Up - Savage Garden/Josh Groban
poem that reminds me of you:
You can make me smile no matter what
you have a gift, it's what you've got
i don't know how to live without you
i'm greatful for all you've got me through

you're so funny, polite and kind
i wish that i could press rewind
play back all the good times we've had
and maybe even some of the bad

i wouldn't swap you for all the world
i guess you are just that kinda girl
the bestest friend that i've ever had
and in order to ditch you i'd have to be mad

again, sums it up, but ebony likes her words:
you're amazing, you really are, you're always there for everyone in our group, not just me, it seems like you never have any problems, cuz you're always helping us deal with ours, thankyou so much for being there, all the time, no matter what

Judy
song that reminds me of you: Never Underestimate A Girl - Vanessa Hudgens
poem that reminds me of you:
I guess I just don’t “get” our friendship
It could be so true
But it seems there is just empty space
Between me and you

I think you are a beautiful person
Everyone tells me so
But whether we could be close friends
I guess we’ll never know

It’s so hard for me to be close to you
I hope you understand
I try and try to be your friend
But such friendship seems banned

But I’ll still try being close to you
I will always be here
And whenever you feel you need a friend
I just hope I’m near

still like my words:
you're cool, i know that! but not from experience, we just never seem to work. i dont get it, but im not giving up on you, you will learn to like me!! maybe.

Lisa
song that reminds me of you: A Place In This World - Taylor Swift
also: I Kissed A Girl - Katy Perry =)
poem that reminds me of you:

Your wings are so beautiful, so why do you hide
Such a wonderful piece of you deep inside?
I've seen them before I watched them spread wide
I watched as you soared swift as the tide

They used to bring smiles, when you let them go
Let the world envy them, let the whole world know
In your sadness you hid them away
Now my angel, has fallen astray

My wings are so tattered, not marvelled like you
I can not fix them, although I've tried to
Despite how weak, I'll take you high
Until you are better, I'll help you fly

Across every mountain over every sea
Though others desert you, you'll always have me
Your wings are so pretty I wish you could see
The beautiful angel you're meant to be.

its the last one, ill soon run out of words, until then:
i think you could be a beautiful angel, but your wings are sore. maybe from overuse, maybe because they've been hurt and torn, i dont know. i just know that the world deserves to see the beauty in you, and you deserve to show it. so be yourself, lisa, we will only love you more for it.

Unrequited Love ~ Story Of My Life

ohh, so many things to say, i started off using this blog with really really long blogs. it was quite weird actaully, they went on for forever. now, theve sorta shrunk a little, until a couple of days ago, when i flooded it again, and havent posted a blog that wasnt about you since.

i havent seen you that much in the past few days, although we had the first conversation where neither of us said anything remotely mean to the other. ah, such a beautiful change.

speaking of beautiful, you looked amazing yeterday. i know, it wasnt that different to normal, but i love that shirt :) you've only ever worn it once before that was the day i admitted to myself that yes, i actually liked you.

you almost didnt come yesterday, i think i was excited by that, because it meant that i could be myself. whenever you're there, i dont focus, i dont do anything properly, i dont pay attention, and i was glad that you werent there. but when you walked in, i definately wasnt disapointed :L

so, ive told heaps of people about you lately. never by name, just "this guy in yr 10, you won't know him", and people dont, because, you're not like the rest of your annoying grade. everyone knows them as being mean and stupid; neither of which you are, well, you're mean to me, but not anyone else.

and again, we're back on that, of course we are, i bring it up every blog, you hating me. me loving you. see how that doesnt work?? and i know, i know, its getting old, me telling you all the time how much i hate that you hate me, and how much it hurts me, and now im just sounding like a broken record, but it hurts so much. at the moment, my life is so beautiful, im so happy, i laugh EVERYDAY, multiple times... and then i think of you, and i cry, and my mums like, 'what's up?' and i have nothing to say, i shake my head, and smile, and forget about you, even if only for a while. and then, lying in bed at night, when i try to fall asleep, i crack.

you put me through this everyday, and i take it. everyday, i put up with it. i put up with you ignoring me half the time, and insulting me the rest, i put up with being hurt by being around you, just so i can be near you. but its getting so hard...

i just really need it to stop, for me to go back to how things used to be, when you made me happy, my early blogs, when being around you made me smile, not cringe. when seeing you at the end of the hallway made me laugh, then hide it, and turn away before you saw. now it hits me, really hard, your presence makes me stop breathing for a moment, the smile i normally have slides off my face, and i just watch until you walk away.

and you know what?? people HAVENT NOTICED, no one has, im being hurt constantly by you, but you can ask anyone, and theyll say im not acting any differently, because i shield all of this away from everyone else. until it starts to kill me, and then i write it all down, in an attempt to get it off my chest. and one or two people will read it, and sometimes they give up half way through, because its not exactly entertaining, its just real. its just me, and just you. its just of story of two people, of unrequited love.

and it just kills.

These Words - Natasha Bedingfield

I used to think it was crazy that I blogged practically every day. I thought that I was crazily obsessed with you, and most of my readers probably thought so too. But that’s not actually true.
I blog about you because it makes me feel free. It makes me feel like I can say whatever’s on my mind. I don’t have to watch what I say in case someone in particular reads it, because the people that read it don’t know you. Sure, some of them might recognise you when they see you cuz I pointed you out to them, but none of them know you.
So I get to say whatever’s on my mind. Without judgement. Because every girl has ‘that boy’, that they can say whatever they want about. And we all respect that we can say everything.
For me, you’re ‘that boy’. So I can say everything I feel. Especially since I haven’t yet used your name in a blog. I can just write and write and write. And everyone that knows me knows that I can talk on and on forever. That’s just what this is. Talking forever about something really close to my heart.
Someone once said about me “I’d never before met someone who could elaborate naturally on a subject without rehearsal, literally allowing the words to come from her heart”. And I guess that’s right. Everything from my heart lately is about you, as are all the words from my heart.So I’ll blog again soon, I just thought I’d share with you my revelation. (Big Word!)

Threw some chords together
The combination D-E-F
Its who I am, its what I do
And I was gonna lay it down for you

Try to focus my attention
But I feel so A-D-D
I need some help, some inspiration
(But it's not coming easily)

Whoah oh...
Trying to find the magic
Trying to write a classic
Don't you know, don't you know, don't you know?

Waste-bin full of paper
Clever rhymes, see you later

These words are my own
From my heart flow
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you
There's no other way
To better say
I love you, I love you...

Read some Byron, Shelly and Keats
Recited it over a Hip-Hop beat
I'm having trouble saying what I mean
With dead poets and drum machines

I know I had some studio time booked
But I couldn't find a killer hook
Now you've gone & raised the bar right up
Nothing I write is ever good enough

These words are my own
From my heart flow
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you
There's no other way
To better say
I love you, I love you...

I'm getting off my stage
The curtains pull away
No hyperbole to hide behind
My naked soul exposes

Whoah.. oh.. oh.. oh..
Whoah.. oh..

Trying to find the magic
Trying to write a classic
Waste-bin full of paper
Clever rhymes, see you later

These words are my own
From my heart flow
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you

That's all I got to say,
Can't think of a better way,
And that's all I've got to say,
I love you, is that okay?

Have You Ever - Westlife

that last blog, whoa,
it went on forever, and it was so...raw.

i mean like thinking all of that stuff, was a real eyeopener, writing it all down made me feel free, but pressing the little "publish post" button, that made me feel so... exposed.
its like, the entire world can now view my inner thoughts at leisure, just like mind reading, but more honest, and it hurts, a little more, everytime a piece of me is taken away, everytime someone reads it.

i knew it would hurt. it always hurts, to know that someone will only ever be your friend, nothing more, nothing less 'let's just be friends' apart from 'we need to talk' those are probably the most awful 4 words a girl can hear.
but i could survive all of that, its the whole not-even-wanting-to-be-my-friend thing that hurts, because you dont, you truly want nothing to do with me.
people always say 'the worst thing in the world is sitting right next to him, and knowing that he'll never be yours' but have those people ever had to look at him, a hundred metres away, knowing that he'd never, in a million years, want to sit right next to you?

but you still, care, you still try.
because, although you're 99% sure he'll never ever take a second glance at you, it's that 1% of you that holds on, that 1% of you that wins, and you spend everyday walking past him with your friends, not because you enjoy hearing him tease and torment you, not because you like the way he annoys you, and laughs at you. but because, for 10 seconds, you get to hear his voice.
his deep, soft, beautiful voice, that makes you feel weak and strong at the same time; vulnerable, yet, protected, safe. it makes you feel sky high, but at the same time, so low, it makes you start to smile, but still, feel like crying.
it's the voice that makes your breathing get heavier, your head start to spin, and your heart start beating fatser and fatster. it makes you feel singing and laughing, but also, sometimes, just screaming!
and at night, when you're thinking about him, its the voice that you feel ringing in you ears.
and after everything that's happened, everything you've been through for him, you blame that voice, because without it, you would have never fallen for him without it. and you'd never be in this mess

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry?
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night?
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right?
Have you ever?
Have you ever?

Have you ever been in love
Been in love so bad
You'd do anything
To make them understand?
Have you ever had someone
Steal your heart away?
You'd give anything
To make them feel the same?
Have you ever searched for words
To get you in their heart
But you don't know what to say
And you don't know where to start?

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry?
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night?
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right?
Have you ever?
Have you ever?

Have you ever found the one
You've dreamed of all your life?
You'd do just about anything T
o look into their eyes?

Have you finally found the one
You've given your heart to
Only to find that one
Won't give their heart to you?
Have you ever closed your eyes and
Dreamed that they were there?
And all you can do is wait
For that day when they will care?

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry?
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night?
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right?
Have you ever?
Have you ever?

What do I gotta do to get you in my arms, baby?
What do I gotta say to get to your heart
To make you understand
How I need you next to me?
Gotta get you in my world
'Cause, baby, I can't sleep

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry?
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night?
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right?
Have you ever?
Have you ever?

Have you ever?

Hear Without A Home - Westlife/Nick Carter

i havent blogged about you in forever

you see everything else in my life is going awesome

and you? not so much

everything else falls into place, except for you

and i dont want my whole life to revolve around you

im so over all of that

guys are just "the icing"

ur not supposed to mean so much to me

so i havent blogged about you

ive made an effort not to

my blogspot was a happy, friendly place

people smiled, and reminisced

thats how it should be, i dont want it all about you

i dont want you to mean that much to me

but you do, you mean the world to me

and thats not so bad, i guess

its just sort of annoying

especially since you hate me so much

which i dont get by the way

why do you hate me??

im not that bad a person

im alright once you get to know me

which you dont!!

with you, i dont deserve a second chance,

i deserve a first one

cuz you never gave me that

you never gave me a chance

maybe im not actually as bad as you think

maybe im a good person

did you ever think of that??

you know, i was walking to the station this morning,

and i was thinking about how, every song i knowit relates to someone in my life

each person has one or two songs ill hear, and think of them

but you, every song i hear relates to you

and I KNOW, im doing it again

im being all cheesy and uggh

but, i need you to get this!

i think, when i started to like you, i made the decision

well, you hated me, and i was scared of that

i didnt want someone to hate me, so i gave you a reason

i gave myself a 'woe is me'

i think i made this conscious decision to like you

so i tried to get to know you better, it was logical, right?

i hardly knew you, you hated me

that scared me, that made me feel bad about myself

i thought, maybe if i figured you out

id understand why you hated me

i did, i started paying attention to you

i noticed that, deep down, you're nice!

when someone's standing or sitting on the floor, you give them your seat

or the year 7s with squad, you carry their suitcases down stairs

you're a really nice person, to everyone except me!

so, deciding to like you made me start to like you

and i know, this whole thing sounds stupid

but i just want you to understand this

i want you to understand that i love who you are

who you are around everyone else in the world

do you know how nice you are to perfect strangers??

and yet, with me, youve never cared

and i really want you to care!

i want you to give a damn about me!

i want you to know me, for who i am

and maybe, youd actually like me

im gonna go now

because there are about a million things i could be doing that are a lot more important than writing this...

i just wanted you to get it...

I love to watch you

You're like candy to my eyes

Like a movie that you've seen

But you gotta watch just one more time

But that smile you're wearing

It's a beautiful disguise

It's just something you put on

To hide the emptiness inside

And you seem so lonely

But you don't have to anymore...

If you're a heart without a home

A rebel without a cause

If you feel as though

You're always stranded on the shore

Like a thief in the night

Let me steal your heart away

Baby if a reason’s, what you're looking for

I'll be yours

I'll be yours

You need a new sensation

One you never had before

I got a feeling if I gave you some

You'd probably want some more

Did you know that baby

You're the bluebird in my sky

I only wanna make you happy cause

I love to see you fly

And if you feel lonely

You don't have to anymore

If you're a heart without a home
A rebel without a cause
If you feel as though
You're always stranded on the shore

Like a thief in the night
Let me steal your heart away
Baby if a reason’s, what you're looking for
I'll be yours
I'll be yours

I'll be the raft in the tide

I'll be yours

I'll be the truth in the light

And what's more

When no one opens the door

I'll be the hope that you're looking for

If you're a heart without a home
A rebel without a cause
If you feel as though
You're always stranded on the shore

Like a thief in the night
Let me steal your heart away
Baby if a reason’s, what you're looking for
I'll be yours

I'll be yours...

Let's Smile

I am really, really happy. Which sorta scares me, because I know it won’t last. It’s like, when I go to bed, I’m looking forward to waking up in the morning. And I know, I know, that’s a good thing, right? I mean like, I haven’t been this happy in so long, I love it; I really, really love it, it is such an amazing feeling, everyday I look forward to school, everyday I look forward to coming home, I look forward to the weekend, then look forward to the week. I loved yesterday, it felt like summer, everything was beautiful and sunny, and even though I spent a good 4 hours studying, I had a blast.
WHAT”S WRONG WITH ME???

But I’m loving life so much, I’m so lucky, my life is perfect at the moment, it’s like, so hard to find something to wish for on a Santa :), which is awesome! But there is that very small part of me that is so scared, that this is the calm before the storm, because things are getting better everyday, people are telling me wonderful things for the future, and I don’t know how long life continues like this before it just hits rock bottom.

I know that this time last year, I was about to hit rock bottom, hating school, but hating home all the more, the school holidays were a drag, everything sucked. I’m scared that that’s going to happen to me again, and that this time; I won’t be able to stop it.

I once said that my greatest ambition in life is to be able to make myself happy, not rely on any one else, be able to make myself smile. I think that maybe that was a little unrealistic, other people’s joy brings me joy, and other people laughing makes me laugh, I will always rely on them. But maybe, it’s all about give and take; if my life continues so wonderfully, other people’s lives will start to suck. They’ll stop laughing, they won’t be happy. Then I’ll stop being happy, and other people’s lives will improve. Maybe we’re all just stuck in some sick, vicious circle.

Or maybe, we all have the ability to be joyful, and maybe, we know deep down that next year, we will miss this year, and so on for the rest of our lives. Maybe, if we figure out what part of this year we will miss next year, we can enjoy it, because we all know that we didn’t make the most of last year, or even the year before that. But if we stop dwelling on the past, and we appreciate the present, and look forward to the future, maybe we can finally be happy, maybe that’s the secret. Maybe it’s not about having the best friends ((which I do, so clearly you don’t)), maybe it’s not about the most money, or the most people in your class from last year. Maybe it’s not even about who we talk to, or who’s in our family. Maybe, if we appreciate every single day, and we live it as if it is our last ((and hey, let’s be realistic, it could be)), maybe we will be happy, joyous, blissful even! Maybe, that’s the only way to get the most out of life! Maybe if we realise what’s right there in front of us, we can love it!

So everybody who actually managed to get to the end of this blog, I would like you to comment on it. Comment with one thing about this year that you will miss when we get to year 10, and everytime you’re pissed of or annoyed, remember that one thing, and SMILE!! So that other people can smile too, and soon, we will all be smiling :)

TAXXD from amy

i know i know, i always steal these thingos off amy, i love her ok!!

If something was wrong, who is the first boy you would go to?
my puppy dog – the very first!

Who is the first girl you go to?
hmm, I don’t think I really go to my girls when things are wrong

If someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?
YESSS, that would be nice, stupid!

Do you prefer to take showers at night or in the morning?
in the morning, so I feel clean during the day

Which year has been the best so far?
07 :)

Ever found more than a dollar in a random place?
LOL, no :(

Do you believe that if you want something bad enough you'll get it?
I believe that you get the things you need, and if you want something that bad, maybe you need it (that’s my way of saying yes)

Break someones heart or have your heart broken?
learn to love each other:)

Are you a morning person or a night person?
I like the daytime :)

When was the last time you did the dishes?
few days ago

Are you talking to anyone while doing this?
AMY

Three feelings at the moment?
happy, confused, hurt

What are you scared of?
{your face} not having people there when I need them

Are you thinking of someone right now?
yep, the person i need :( but havnt spoken to in forever

What are you looking forward to?
tomorrow, and the next day (not the day after that) but the day after that, and the day after that, and the rest of my life :)

What did you do the last time you were home alone?
uhh, I think I cried too

Are you tanned?
no its like, practically still winter

Do you get jealous easily?
no way, only ever about friends

How good is your eyesight?
pretty good

Worst part about hugs?
there is never a bad part in a hug

When was the last time something bothered you?
things always bother me

What is your current mood?
umm, hopeful

Last person you hung out with?
bus/train peeps

What sport do you enjoy watching?
OLYPMICS!! Or nrl

Could you date someone who was gay? yeh, why do you know a gay guy you can introduce me to?? I need gay friends :)

Whats the last thing someone said to you? who was it?
"no she doesn’t "– my sister

What is the last thing you thought about?
my bus, the people on it :) *tap tap*

How do you feel about your hair right now?
lol, its awful!! That’s the reason my teachers knew I had a water fight (oh amy, my hair keeps getting stuff in it too…)

What do you miss most about the past?
yessss, playing cards under the stairs.. when bryan and osmond were part of our group :):)

Has anyone told you a secret this week?
no, I don’t think so, well, define secret

Do you get along better with men or women?
I think women

Last time you had butterflies in your stomach?
uhh, on the bus

Who was the last person to make you cry?
I don’t wanna say

Are you jealous of anyone?
noo :) ohh, maybe the chic who was in Canberra a few weeks ago :(

Do you have a best friend?
noo

What is your favo(u)rite thing about the opposite sex?
they always surprise you, even when they’re being stupid, they’ll say something, and you’ll think “wow”

Ever liked someone else’s boyfriend or girlfriend ?
noo

Does heartbreak really feel as bad as it sounds ?
hearts don’t break, they bend:)

Are you happy with your life right now?
completely!! It’s like perfect

Do you wish you could have changed things?
no way

How many bestfriends do you have?
none.

Do you trust them?
I don’t think I completely trust anyone.

Do you like anyone right now?
yess, flying saucers :)

Whats one thing you wish you could have?
wisdom

Are any of your friends birthdays this week?
ADITI’s yesterday

Do you like people?well, I guess, people are ok…yeh! People rock!

Is there someone you wish you could see more?
ya think.

Do you have all your friends phone numbers memorized?
nooo, they’re on my phone, I don’t need to know them, right?

Do you have a cellphone?
MOBILE!!! yes

What always makes you feel better?
music, smiling

Name someone you go to when your upset
puppy dog.

Do they help you?
yeh, listening without judging helps

Are you a trustworthy person?
yes, why?? You wanna tell me something?

Persons of my life<3

Ok, I’m gonna pull a leaf out of Amy’s book, and blog about people using only numbers. Half way through this, I started watching Australian Idol, so I begin to sound a bit like the judges, my bad. You can guess who each one is, and tell me wherever, but you probably wont get most right... unless you're a ninja. Anyways, half are guys, half are girls, and there’s one group in here. But these are all the people of my life…

Person 1
You’re the obvious one. Everyone knows who you are, the reason I wrote this blog, and the first person that springs to mind when I think of people in my life. I may hate you with every fibre of my being, but I think I’m starting to fall in love with you too, and that is an amazing feeling.

Person 2
You’re my rock. I love crying on your shoulder, although sometimes I find it hard. I sorta wish it was easier to tell you stuff, and easier for you to tell me stuff. We have a great friendship, but I know it could be so much better if we just trusted each other a little more. :)

Person 3
You’re the consistent one. I don’t think I’ve appreciated you much until the last week. You’ve always been there, and I can count on you to laugh at my stupid jokes, cuz you find them funny (don’t know why though). It’s taken me a lot to appreciate you, and I feel bad because other people are jealous of the friendship I have with you and I didn’t eve give it a second thought. But those other people have helped me learn to appreciate you.

Person 4
You’re new. I pretty much just met you this year, but you’re awesome. I don’t think we’re exactly friends, but hey, you got onto my peoples thing, right? I really like you, and I think it would be cool if we became friends, but there's something mssing from our friendship. I think if we knew each other better we'd be great.

Person 5
Wow. That’s the best word. In the last week, we have gone from people who randomly say ‘hi’ to each other on MSN to people who share a deep, amazing connection. I know that if you read this, you would completely understand what I’m talking about, and I’m glad that we can make such an impact on each other’s lives.

Person 6
You’re just always there. Not like person 3, because I’ve always appreciated you. No matter where I am, you’re close, and I love how we can influence each other. You’re always gonna be there for me when times get tough, or I don’t know what I’m doing, and thank you so much for that.

Person 7
I don’t know if I classify you one of my friends, but I think I might. I mainly talk to you about school stuff, but we help each other out all the time. I see you heaps, and although I never really talked to you before this year, I enjoy spending time with you.

Person 8
You’re just odd. I’m not even gonna try and disguise who you are. You’re the person who I’ve never really understood, and I don’t know why. It’s like, I hate and love you at the same time, and I think you feel the same for me. I don’t get why we’re not close, we just aren’t, even though you’re a great person.

Person 9
You’re distant. I find it hard to get close to you, you don’t like being close to people, and I can’t help but feel like that’s because you’ve been hurt by people in the past. I’d love to see what happened if you gave someone a chance, because I think you deserve it, and the rest of the world deserves to see that part of you.

Person 10
You’re a little undefined. I consider you a really close friend of mine, but I’m still very scared to tell you things, I haven’t really developed a strong trust with you, and I think that’s holding us back from a great friendship.

040908/050908 - Awesomely awesome :)

Thursday and Friday were such awesomely awesome days, I don’t think I spent all that much time with my group as a whole, I mean like, I spent a little, but not heaps. I just spent alone time with everyone, it was really nice.

Ok, Thursday:

P1 Maths: Had Jones, Osmond and me took Annie and Lucy’s seats, and played cards with Tan and Bryan. I kept winning :) and I got all my work done, oh yeahs, skills!!

P2 History: In computer room, didn’t get anything done, talking to Shai, Corinne and tan about IPT assignment, got some info on Canberra and Phar lap for me and Corinne.

Recess: Just sorta bummed around our table, spent some alone time Lisa:) but didn’t really do much. People came and went, it was just nice.

P3 IPT: Argued with Payne the whole lesson, our entire class did, came to agreement that our assignment id due on Thursday…I realized that I won’t get it done…hmmm, maybe I shouldn’t be noggin then…meh, study break. :)

P4 English: Just read through our book. I was Hortensio cuz Shiri couldn’t be bothered, but I never remembered to read, Shailin did IPT work in her book, we realized that our system has no data flow :( so DFD is really easy :) (Sorry for my nerdtalk, I shall stop now)


Lunch: Short Oaktree meeting, peoples went to Movie Arvo. When I came back, Amy + Jenny were gone, so I started to play Mafia with the reject shop. Then Bryan, Osmond, Charles walked by to play cards, so I joined them instead.

P5 Science: Remnants of our class joined with remnants of 9R, to watch a video that almost everyone fell asleep during.

P6 Music: Had fun! Our group wrote chords/mood to our song, annoyed other groups and were annoyed in return.


FRIDAYYY

P1 Music: Killed yesterdays mood and chords, came up with new ones, started writing lyrics, we actually like our song now.

P2 Maths: Had Jones again, played cards again, but Jones stood behind us a bit, so not as good as Thursday.

Assembly: Mr. Norris went on and on and on about random things. Had oneweek. Announcement, just randoms, Lana got books :)

Recess: Walked with Amy in rain, that was cool. (Timmy, Timmy, Timmy =D) Remembered who Victor was.

P3 English: Looked at Lana’s books, read Taming Of The Shrew, boringness.

P4 IPT: (You may ignore the future nerdtalk) Argued whether or not our system was a system, as it had no input data flow. Realised that brochure is an output of system, still can’t convince Payne. Grrr

Lunch: Walked with Amy in rain again, people chucked water at each other. Found Tan, scabbed cards, played 13. Judy dumped heaps of water on Jenny/Lisa, was funny.

P5 Science: Did nothing except prac, which actually worked for us. But we didn’t have enough dye, and we shouldn’t have used the stopper with the tubing.

P6 History: We all thought we had computer time, but we just watched video, it was alright, but money just disappeared, how?
After school: Train was delayed and we missed bus :), got to walk home in rain, then my mummy rang, and I realised I’m not allowed to walk home, but she was ok with it, cuz we missed bus =D

Caring <33

i think i care too much
like... about everyone, im so annoying, they're starting to hate me cuz i love them

its like...
my dad, yeah? he's in the car today, and he doesnt have his seat belt on properly, and then he tells me it's broken, so im like, sit in the back seat. but then he cant suervise my sister whilst she's driving. so, im like... maybe you should drive then, instead of almost killing urself in that seatbelt, and he's like... shoosh, ur sister's trying to drive.

and then my sister, she puts 2 L-plates on the back of her car, so its like, twice as safe, but then she puts them really close together, so i said, spread them out, cuz then its even safer. she says no. so im like, but theyre so close together, you may as well only have one. and says, shuttup ebony, you dont know what you're talking about.

and there's more, but i cant be bothered to write out.

maybe, i shouldnt care anymore, cuz its not like they appreciate it, i mean like, whats the point?? i dunno... im just not bothered anymore

FNT - Semisonic

ok, ur really starting to confuse me, i mean like, i finally figured out why you keep talking to me, cuz it reminds you of her, yeah? yeah. but thats cool, i enjoy hearing your voice so thats all ok.
what i dont get is why you've started talking to me about random stuff, like, youll put in an effort to tell me useless stuff about your day that in some weird random way relates to me, i dont geddit, why? but i mean like, im not complaining, i love it when you talk to me...
they say that when you love someone, you like it when they same your name, cuz ur name feels safe in their mouth. i dont think i love you, but i understand what they're talking about. my name is safe in your mouth and i like that safe feeling

so i went really close to telling nikki about you on monday, like, really close, i seriously considered it, if shed aske'd me who i was talking about, i would have said you. but she didnt ask, well, she sorta did, but not straight out, and i didnt wanna tell her if she didnt wanna know.

so, as always, i must end with a song, its tradition, i cant just break it cuz i cant find the perfect song today, right? so i considered writing another remix, but thtat's cheating, besides, i did that on staurday, i cant cheat twice. so ive picked a song that my sister got me interested in, now im starting to really like it, and it reminds me more and more of you everyday. except for one thing, the song says you're perfect, and your not, you're flawed. very flawed. i love your flaws. maybe that means i still see you as perfect, i dunno, i just wanted to clear that up, so here we go...F.N.T.(yes, it stands for fascinating new thing)

Fascinating new thing
You delight me, and I know you're speaking of me
Fascinating new thing
Get beside me, I want you to love me

I'm surprised that you've never been told before
That you're lovely
And you're perfect
And that somebody wants you

Fascinating new thing
The scene makin', want a temporary saviour
Fascinating new thing
Don't betray them by becoming familiar

I'm surprised that you've never been told before
That you're lovely
And you're perfect
And that somebody wants you
I'm surprised that you've never been told before
That you're priceless
Yeah, you're precious
Even when you are not new

I'm surprised that you've never been told before
That you're lovely
And you're perfect
And that somebody wants you
I'm surprised that you've never been told before
That you're priceless
Yeah, you're holy
Even when you are not new

Anna Nalick Remix

Wow, you were really super depressed yesterday, it was really weird.
It made me realise that, we really aren’t friends. Cuz for a while there I thought we were, but I guess not. I mean like, I don’t think I really care that much, I just, I dunno…
I just thought that the fact that we talk to each other everyday meant that we didn’t hate each other anymore. Clearly, you still hate me, and still expect me to hate you. That’s ok though, I can go on pretending, ignoring every single thing you say, only smiling reluctantly when you tell one of your jokes, trying to ignore the fact that you haven’t smiled all day.
Cuz I did, I ignored it, I was ok with that. It was just the trying not to smile when you did, that I had trouble with. I mean like, I’ve never appreciated them that much, your friends I mean. Like, I always thought you could do better, they’re so annoying…
But, hey, they can make you smile, right? So I guess they’re worth every single second you spend with them. And when you smile, I smile. Although it was that awful smile, the i-dont-want-to-smile-right-now-because-i-dont-want-people-to-know-what-just-happened-but-i-cant-help-it smile. But still, a smile is a smile.

Ok, umm, I wanted to make an Anna Nalick remix, so I just threw together all the parts of her songs that reminded me of you, and came up with something that almost makes sense… here it is


2AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to

Yeah they talk about her
She smiles like she’s so tough
She says"hey can you talk a little louder,
I don't think my heart is broken enough"

And maybe I'm not up for being a victim of love
All my resistance will never be distance enough

Meanwhile I'll hide my head
Here in this paper bag
Cause if I cant see you
Then you can't see me
And it'll be okay

I’d cheat destiny just to be near you.

But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him.
Maybe I'll just sing about it.

And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud

Cuz love doesn’t hurt so I know I’m not falling in love
I’m just falling to pieces

Meanwhile I'll hide my head
Here in this paper bag
Cause if I cant see you
Then you can't see me
And it'll be okay

The Real Me

stolen from amy from rosa from jazieehs pm

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education:
You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.


lol, some is the same as amy :) but its soo true :):)

~Truth and lies~

From Amy/Rosa, looked like a good idea

1.a) I know someone who wants be a broccoli
b) When I was little, I wanted to be a fireman
c) I’ve always secretly wanted to be a dancer

2.a) I keep a diary of all my emo thoughts, so that I can get rid of them
b) I have seriously considered suicide
c) Sometimes, I just cry myself to sleep.

3.a) I pass off other ideas as my own so people will think I’m interesting
b) I lie about who I am so people won’t hate me
c) I make bebo accounts with other names to see if people like me

4.a) I’m scared that one day, all of my friends will walk out on me
b) I hate some of my friends, but I’m too scared to say anything
c) I’ve let friends sexually abuse me because I didn’t know better

5. a) I think I’m the only person in the world who’s not an illusion
b) I think that there’s a real person hiding in my dog, spying on me
c)I think that all books are real things that the authors have witnessed


Yeah, this will actually tell you a lot about me, some of which I don;t think I want anyone to know... oh wells, have a go, and tell me on MSN/email/leave comment/whatever

150808 - JENNYS BDAY! and more :)

Lisa: “Yeah we all knew that already”
Me: “Did we?”
Lisa: “Yeah, she said she wanted to have sex with him”
Amy/me: “WHAT?!”
Julia: “Yeah, I remember that, you said you thought he’d be good”
Amy: “Are we talking about the same person?”

Amy: “Do you like him?”
Jenny: *smiles*
Amy: “OMG! You like him!”

Jenny: “Is it obvious?”
Amy: “Yes it's obvious!!! It is SOOOO obvious!!"
Judy: "What?"

Someone on van: "Do a Marge Simpson impersonation"
Judy: “D'oh”

Amy: “I remember when you admitted that you liked him”
Lisa: “I DID?”
Amy: “Yeah, online”
Lisa: “No, I never LIKED him”
Amy: “Yeah! You told me you did”
Lisa: “I did???!”

Pshh, my group, so stupid

Me: “You know, we haven’t mentioned names, so I might be thinking the COMPLETELY wrong thing”
Corinne: “I think you are”

Corinne: “Does anyone else have those letters in their name?”
Me: “No-o-o…wait! Cameron! Oh my gosh! You like Cameron!”

Corinne: “Yeah, they’re going out”
Me: “What?”
Corinne: “You know how they’re always hugging”
Me: “Yeah, but I didn’t think they were going out”
Corinne: “Aren’t they?”
Me: “I dunno”
Corinne: “Oh my god, they’re not going out!”

_________________________________________________________

ok, so it was a great day, in the words of joannie "bryan + cake = DISASTER x)"

i cant believe what a fantastic day i had today, i mean like, the perfect blend of school and friends, our old group, plus the jenny fan club...i think we annoyed/teased/impersonated/made fun of every single member of the group, we laughed a lot, and we pretty much walked on water/adrenalin all through lunch, which carried on to the rest of the day..

ok, my day!

bus stop - AWKWARD// we'll ignore

train station - woman with survey, heaps of fun
Me: "What are you doing?"
Shiri: "Filling out survey"
Me:"You don't have to do Q11"
Shiri: "Oh right"
Me/aashana/hunaiza/shiri: *laughs*

Before school - jumped around a bit
Me: "Pradeepti, it's so weird seeing you with your clothes on!"
Prad: "Oh yeah? It's so weird seeing you with a shirt on!"
Me/prad: *laughs*

PE - had to get sand, it was heavy! just so we could christen the stupid fields..hehe "lets throw it on his head" LOL! had so much fun playing touch, we won all our games (H) except one where we drew (even though they didnt tap the ball :P)... never knew pe could be exciting

Assembly - got awards for drama...cheering/screaming!! so cool! went ballistic, had a lot of fun, quick assembly...had extra recess (Y)

Recess - found out bout MUSHROOM! lols, and hads all the funny quote moments up the top :)

Ag - had heart to heart with corinne, quotes up top of page, was soo awesome, we had no idea what we were talking about half the time. had to jump stupid fence it skirts, the guys wouldnt turn away...but sandy saw more than that yesterday at drama club :L

Lunch - had fun with lisas fone, then amy + joannie came with cake, sang at top of our lungs... tried to figure out how to cut cake, then all ate, bryan stuffed it all in his mouth, started cake fight, he got it in his ear! :L ms cody told us off, so we started to clean up, bryan/amy had it in hair :L

Maths - me + osmond started to catch up on work missed
Lisa: “Yeah, squared is wrong”
Me: “What about square root?”
Lisa: “Yeah that’s wrong too”
Me: “Why?”
Lisa: “Jenny said so”
Me: “Jenny, why is it wrong?”
Jenny: “Oh, I don’t know, that’s just what the book said”
Osmond: *laughs*

English - just read taming of the shrew, was funny, sandy: "the crust!"

T-o-M - didnt do much, watched olypmics :L

After school - blogged, started compliling quotes, MSN convis, did very slight amount of hw

Blogg is too long...must leave

Teardrops On My guitar - Taylor Swift

"Guess what I did yesterday?!!"

Yeah, hopefully no one who reads this will understand that, and no one that understands that will read this, i just wanted you to know...and the whole point of this blog sorta died when people found out about it

sooo...yeh, i know, but so do you, so we're even, but u figured it out, i just eavesdropped, you win :) but its ok, i think she feels the same way about you, even though she wont admit it yet... so youve still got a chance, right? i mean like, she acts all weird around you, so thats a good sign yeah?

I think ive told all my group about you now, but theyve moved on to jenny and mushroom, so hopefully they wont bring it up, and i told corinne too, when she told me who she liked, but she didnt know which one you were thats why she was staring at you

Now, you seem to be getting into an awful habit of a morning, could you just...stop?? i mean like, its so awkward, we just stand there with nothing to talk about, and then someone (ie lehana/aashana) will get out of car, and one of us/both will talk to them, and pretend nothing happened...and then youll laugh at me for being so uncomfortable around you... stupid..always laughing at me...not my fault :P

Oh yeah, they sang ur song in music... i dont think i even heard if they were good, i just sat there and thought about you... it applies to you even more now than it used to, and it reminds me of this amazing time in my life, whne things were, like, simpler... here it is..

Drew looks at me,
I fake a smile so he won't see
That I want and I'm needing
Everything that we should be

I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about
And she's got everything that I have to live without

Drew talks to me,
I laugh cause it's just so funny
That I can't even see
anyone when he's with me

He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right,
I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night

[Chorus:]He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do

Drew walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly,
The kind of flawless I wish I could be

She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause

[Repeat Chorus]

So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down and maybe
Get some sleep tonight

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do

He's the time taken up, but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into..

Drew looks at me,
I fake a smile so he won't see.

This week at school, these two weeks

HI lights

1.Doggies bday
2.Wakakirri!! HURLSTONE LOVES NOAH!! CAT GUY!!! I have a full on blog about it its in rainbow colours, go read it =)
3.Joy =)



LO lights

1.Homework – Science, IPT, T-o-M
2.TESTS – maths (I didn’t do it…), science
3.Not having time to blog last week
4.Not getting enough sleep after Wakakirri
5. Not going to church...*looks guilty*

very busy, but a whole heap of fun!

Burn For You - John Farnham

its starting to hurt, you know
keeping all of this inside of me
the only ppl that actually know you
im too embarassed to talk about you to
and my group, who im happy to tell about you
cant even understand me, cuz theyll never know you
not like i do

and then, there he is, he knows you, he gets you, he even gets how we work, but i cant tell him, till i tell my whole group, and its not such a big deal and i dont want to make it a big deal to them... i just wish someone could understand, someone who i could actually talk to about it

but, i made a promise, right here on this blog...so i can neither confirm nor deny what he knows to be true, i want him to know, i want someone to know, someone who knows you like i do, i need to share this with someone, im aching for you, and no one can even tell

I got myself into some trouble tonight
Guess Im just feeling blue
Its been so long since Ive seen your face
This distance between me and you

That voice you showed me is not the one I know
I must be strung out on what I do
Dont hang up againT
heres nothing else I know how to do

But I burn for you
What am I going to do
I burn for you
Burn for you

I guess it feels like youre always alone
And I feel that way too
Its so hard to explain to you
Please understand what I do

But I burn for you
What am I going to do
I burn for you
Burn for you

Took my trouble to a bar tonight
For another point of view
But theres nothing new
Im missing you

But I burn for you
What am I going to do
I burn for you
Burn for you

One of those things

Whats are you called? Ebony

Do you like being called that? Nah, don’t like my name.

How did you get that name? My mummy was watching TV when she was pregnant, and someone on the show was named “ebony”

How old are you? 14

Do you wish you were older? Ooh, yeh, 11 days older!

Are you happy with life? Yes, life is kind

Do you get along with people? yehs

Is there something you really want to say to someone? Yess, I wanna tell roshan he’s right!!

Do you tell people how you feel? I try really hard!

Are you afraid of your emotions? YessssDo you care what people think of you? To some extent

Do you have alot of friends? Yes, but they are ‘aquaintences’ or he u spell

Who is/are your bestfriend(s)? My group!! And drama clubbers

How often do you talk to him/her/them? As much as I can

Are you ready to leave your house? Noo, id miss my mummy

Do you fight with your siblings? Yeh, but we loves each otherD

o you regret things? Yehs, a little

Ever done drugs? Oh yeh, im a fullon Panadol addict

Did you just lie? Pshh, yeh, im not an addict ;)

Do you act fake to fit in? Nooo, fakers don’t fit in

Are you outgoing or shy? Depends who im around

Do you still watch nickalodeon and disney channel? Yess, CAMP ROCK!!

Is your tv alway on VH1? Psshhh, no

Do you use msn, aim, or yahoo? Yehs, im on msn nows

Ever been to a chat room? yehs

Ever lied to get away with something? yehh

Do you feel guilty about stupid things? Lol, oui

Do you love someone? Uhhs, my mummy and my daddy and my sis, and my group ands drama CLUBBERS

Do they love you? Lol, my fam{ily} does

Who do you miss? Kris

Are you excited about anything? Wakakirri nxt yr, talent quest, yr assemblies, variety/performing arts night. Hehe, high on drama

If so what? Look up. *sees ceiling*

What do you do for fun? have fun

Favorite shoe brand? Comfortable

Favortie clothing brand? Ebonyish

Where do you shop? COLES!

What do you think of Wal*Mart? I think if I went to America I would have an opinion

Do you go to the Dollar Store? Oh yeh

Have you ever bought a thong while with your parents? No, a PAIR of thongs

Are you a virgin? LOL, talk today. Yess

Have your ever been kissed? Lol, yeh

How was your first kiss? Hmmm, weird

Do you think your popular? No, people have been dared to say hello to me

How many friends do you have on Myspace? None, not that I don’t have friends, I just don’t have myspace

Are you addicted to Myspace? No

Do you play sports? NOOO!

Do you watch sports? Yehs, Olympics todays

Favorite team? DRAGONS/Australia/nsw/swans/depends on what ur talking about

Do you use Limewire? Yeh, till it got deleted

Ipod or Zune? Cheap ass mp3 without brand

Do you have socks on? Yeh, form school

What was the last thing you ate? Dinner!

Last thing you drank? MILK

What are you wearing? tracksuit

What are you doing tomorrow? Sleeping, eating, breathing…the usual

Is it night or day? night

Have you ever shopped at Hollister? NOO

Do you still have a VHS player? Only one, our other broke, so we got DVD recorder

How many tvs are in your house? 3

How many people live there? 4

Ever been to Texas? No.

What do you think of texas? Textas are cool

What are you listening to? ‘im just a girl’ bachelor girl

Do you like rap or rock? Soft rock

Do you like school? Which part?

Who is your last text message from? Like…optus

Last call? My mum

Last voicemail? "Your car is ready to be picked up”

Do you use your cell phone alot? MOBILE PHONE. And no

Have you looked how long you have to go? No, I should

What gets on your nerves? You do, hehe, I scrolled down, the end is nigh

Do you like animal print? yehs

Are you a tree hugger? yeh

Do you know what comes after this? After what?

Are you glad this is over? If I was glad it was over, I wouldn’t have done it

“done what?” sorry, its a me thing

080808 - =O

Good day =)

Some moments::


Mum: “Why aren’t you eat your snow peas, they’re good for you?”
Nikki: “Exactly”

Me: “I don’t like my foods to touch. I’m like Monk”

Me nd Nikki: “I used to rule the world. Then I got to cool for the world. Now I rule the universe. That's when I ruled the world.”

Rayan: “Does anyone want to buy a chocolate?”
My group: “When do you want to lose your virginity?”

Someone: “Who in our group will get married first?”
Someone else: “Amy or Ebony”
Lisa: “It’ll be Amy, cuz Ebony’s gonna be a lesbian”

2 words. Judy. Virginity.

Me: "Why does everyone else know this song, have I been living under a rock?"
Larri: "Yes"

Karl singing!! =L

ill add more if i think

WAKAKIRRI

WAKAKIRRI

highness
yess, we went totally and completely high! on adrenaline and miss thomas' lollies xD, we were so psyched we went crazy, especially after the performance, and totally, i pretty much just rode that, it was fabulous

our performance
although we were still rehearsing earl in the morning, we managed to kick ass out there, we had a blast, and danced in the wings with alexis, we finally got all our props together, and it all worked, now we wanna do our thingo for talent quest/yr assemblies/performing arts night/ all of the above

noah
since our dress rehersal was late, we watched a few first, which was when we became noah's official fan club (...he was the gay stage hand =D) later on we bought him a t-shirt and wrote "hurlstone loves noah" on it and signed the back, he was completely psyched!

centro
we did a fair bit of shopping in centro...memorable moments:
"it's cameron"
"p&s michael"
dresses =D
"stuff for the face, stuff for the eyes"
"50% of my eyelashes"
all the prams, so tempting...
looking for dinner...=)
ab at the formal =L

the guys
*drool* well, uhh, hmm, there was the weird guy twirling his nipple(dont ask) who everyone thought was cute
and the really tall guy(on his knees, same height as lana) who was really nice... and he danced shirtless in boxers...which...you know... is never a bad thing
the guys who made barbara blush like crazy LOL!
and, of course, lets save the best till last..."catguy" rory... first time we saw him, he walked on the stage and everyone (including miss little) was just like "whoa", and, although, he may hve been completely up himself, and may have not even been a very nice person...he was goooooooorguz... like, wow, AND he could dance:
"that costume must be hot" "no, her dancing all over him, now that was HOT!" LOL! lizzie

the girls
nicest bunch of people in the world, even our competitors, the blue people came around to our rooms to say hi, the ants told us about past experiences, and one of the chicks who got to dance with catguy(the jap one *nods*) and her friend were heaps nice to us

the results
well, as proper hurlSTONERS, we KICKED IT! we got noahs backstage award(*rips shirt off*), and our singers got chris'...amazing what sucking up can do =)...plus, we won our category and they won theirs, indeed, all the other schools must really hate us =) LOL!

overall
...i wrote too much about guys
we had HEAPS of fun, and i would pay a lot of money to be able to do it all over again! cant wait till nxt yr!!!!!!!!!!!


Hurlstone loves Noah!

See You Agian - Miley Cyrus

year 12 yearlys!! yesss, must love yr12ers
and although it means we ocassionally have to be really quiet, it also means that YOU now sit at my neck of the woods, indeed, how wonderful!
so ive told jenny about you, but i dont think she knows which one was you, she just heard your voice, and amy, she remembers you...sort of, so ill still have to point you out, and...welll...sorta...roshan, random, indeed, but he did ask...and he sorta knows you, so i only gave him a few clues, still he managed to narrow it down to 3 people, one which he knows is wrong... so i guess 2.
we missed our wednesdayness cuz of wakakirri, but it was probably worth it...but i would have preferred to have wakakirri today...
but i was still thinking of you
btw i am totally loving the way that you keep having to talk to me(altho im hating the way i cant talk back) and i love that you make things u to talk to me about :)
so here is a song that pradeepti successfully managed to get stuck in my head yesterday, and well, gotta share it with someone, right?


I got my sight set on you and I'm ready to aim
I have a heart that will never be tamed
I knew you were something special when you spoke my name
Now I can't wait to see you again

I've got a way of knowing when something is right
I feel like I must of known you in another life
Cuz I felt this deep connection when you looked in my eyes
I can't wait to see you again

[Chorus]
The last time I freaked out
I just kept looking down
I st-st-studered when you asked me what Im thing bout
'felt like I couldnt breathe
you asked what wrong with me
my best friend Lesley said
"Oh she's just be a Miley"
The next time we hang out
I will redem myself
my heart, it can't rest till then
I, I can't wait to saee you again

I got this crazy feeling deep inside
When you called and asked to see me tomorrow night
I'm not a mind reader but I'm reading the sign
That you can't wait to see me again


[Chorus]
The last time I freaked out
I just kept looking down
I st-st-studered when you asked me what Im thing bout
'felt like I couldnt breathe
you asked what wrong with me
my best friend Lesley said
"Oh she's just be a Miley"
The next time we hang out
I will redem myself
my heart, it can't rest till then
I, I can't wait to saee you again

I go my sight set on you and Im ready to aim
[Chorus]

[Chorus]
The last time I freaked out
I just kept looking down
I st-st-studered when you asked me what Im thing bout
'felt like I couldnt breathe
you asked what wrong with me
my best friend Lesley said
"Oh she's just be a Miley"
The next time we hang out
I will redem myself
my heart, it can't rest till then
I, I can't wait to see you again

I, I can't wait...

To see you again

Another Now - Kate Alexa

hehe, lol, nice haircut...she was right, it does look funny.. hehe, sorry, my bad
ok, well, uhmm, could you like, uhh, hmm, not talk to me? i mean like, this afternoon it was ok, but at school, not so much
i mean, sure, i appreciate it and all, but i can never reply...even this afternoon i was having trouble breathing... could you just... not
its been nice, you like, saying hi to me EVERY SINGLE time i walk past, so, yeah, thanks, but, i dunno, its getting hard.. i do really try and look you in the eye, i promise, just... sometimes im not so successful...yeah
and yeh, im sorry, i mean, you did a good job, you just stole my corner, and thats a little inappropriate, so you deserved to be laughed at
so yeah, i should go

uhmm, this song, is just for the memory it brings... 2 weeks from 2day

was only just the other day,
when all this felt so real,
Like nothing could go wrong,

was like a never ending dream,
nothing ever changed,
For so long,

BRIDGE
But now you've gone away
,And i've tried turning the page,
and its just not the same,

CHORUS
But i'm breathing in,
And i'm breathing out,
I'm wide awake,
But i can't hear a sound,
But i'm breathing in,
I can't think about,
Another you, Another me, Another now.

VERSE 2
Where do i go from here,
I've never felt so strange,
I've never felt so torn,

Cause ever since you came my way,
I learned to live by you,
and now i'm on my own,

BRIDGE
I know i need some time,
To leave all this behind,
Cause i'm still hanging on,

CHORUS
But i'm breathing in,
And i'm breathing out,
I'm wide awake,
But i cant hear a sound,
But i'm breathing in,
I cant think about,
Another you, another me, another now.

VERSE 3
I'm sitting here, all alone,
Nowhere to move, nowhere to go,
Nothing to do, I just wanna hurt,

BRIDGE
Cause your not here

CHORUS
But i'm breathing in,
And i'm breathing out,
I'm wide awake,
But i cant hear a sound

I'm breathing in,
And i'm breathing out,
I'm wide awake,
But i cant hear a sound,
But i'm breathing in,
I cant think about,
Another you, Another me, Another now
oooh woah
Another you, Another me, Another now

WELCOME TO AUGUST, BABY

Hellos people and welcome to August, my puppy dog's bday month.
So far this term i have been really really busy and i keep missing classes, so now i have a whole heap of catchup to do, which isnt gonna get done, and all my teachers shall be annoyed at me.
WAKAKIRRI this week! altho our songs havent been approved yet... so i dunno what were gonna do... could be interesting. but we got p1+2 off on friday, and well get p6 on tuesday, adn then all of wednesday off...yessss, no sport =) so, so far this term,in 3 weeks, i will have been to sport once, cuz i missed it in wk1 for choir excursion, yey.
hmm, my eye! people keep asking me if im crying, no peoples, i am fine, i have to put on eyecream for my cyst, but i might not bother much anymore, cuz its not working, so it has to be surgically removed *cries*
lalala
whoa, i have nothing to say..hehe thats the second time in 2 days, i was tlaking to my sis on the hone for 20 mionutes, and then i go "i have nothing to say"...i think she was worried about me =L
oks, im gonna go, ill probs blog tonight for "this week, at school, this week"