Ventings =)

A few things I guess I just need to vent...

I hate that we avoid eye contact with each other. And make it awkward. I'm sorry it has to be like this. Who ever thought that I would actually listen to what my mother had to tell me, and decide to stop being someone's friend before she made that choice for me.
But I had to, because one of us was going to end up hurt, and I guess this time I didn't want it to be me. There is some small, but present chance that I have still not recovered form that, and the prospect of that terrifies me.

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Without you, I am sad. When you have dinner, or have a shower, I tend to get really sad. And then start crying to Taylor Swift songs. And when you're there, I don't even know how you make a difference, other than telling me to clam down, and keeping me grounded. But whatever you do, I need you. And I hate when you leave.

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I remember when I used to see you everywhere. Well, it's happening again. And sometimes, it's the same people, and sometimes they look different because they've changed. Have you changed? Who are you now? Do you ever think of me? I should stop thinking about you.

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I have to sacrifice to belong. And I will. For you. I think you deserve chances in life more than me because you fight for them, whereas I just accept them. So you can have this chance, and I'll wait for the next one.

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I'm trying to pretend that I wasn't going to mention you but in reality I was saving the best for last. I would like to pretend to myself that I hate you, or that I want you out of my life, or that I would be happy if you weren't in my life. But, I don't think any of that is true? And I don't know if I wish I was true?
Because I like the butterflies, and I like smiling so much around you that my cheeks hurt. And I like that when someone says something funny, we both look at each other to make sure that the other one is laughing, and sometimes when you're not there I look for you anyway, just in case you magically appear.