My footprints are permanent.

Hello, yes, I've gone crazy again.

I think maybe I'm bored.

I mean, you know you're sad when you're online for hours before someone talks to you. You know you're even sadder when that someone is AB. (no offence ;))

So I've gone Inspiration Searching again. Here is today's loot.

(Note the pretty pictures =D)

Don't question why she needs to be so free
She'll tell you it's the only way to be
She just can't be chained
To a life where nothing's gained
And nothing's lost

the sun broke open the sky,
flooding the horizon
with light
and I felt it promise me
that something new
and beautiful was to come.

We are all in the gutter but some of us are looking at the stars

His heart will stop at the sight of you, or he doesn't deserve to live.
and yes, i am aware of the contradiction embodied in that sentence.

I realized that none of my great days in life matter without you.
You're the one I want next to me when my dreams come true.
You're the one I want next to me if they don't.
As long as I have you, nothing else matters.

there's people meeting on mars, and people crashing their cars, and kids kissing under the stars tonight, there's no reason to cry.

there's something i can't quite explain, i'm so in love with you.
you'll never take that away. and if i've said it a hundred times,
expect it a thousand more. you'll never take that away. so
expect me to be calling you to see, if you're okay when i'm
not around, asking if you love me. i love the way you make
it sound.calling you to see, do i try to hard to make you smile?
To make us smile. I will keep calling you to see if you're sleeping,
are you dreaming. if you're dreaming, are you dreaming of me
I can't believe you actually picked me

What if this is my finest moment? What if I will never be this happy again? What if this is as good as it gets??
What if... I'm okay with that?

And she said I like sunsets and sci-fi movies. I will love you for you, and won't care about who people think you are.
I'll always be there for you, and I'll randomly hug you and tell you I love you.
All I ask, she said, is that you love me for me.

Yes.

She's mad at herself. Because she's never been able to tell you how much you mean.
You're beautiful she says, I love you.
But what she feels for you is so much stronger that that.
How can she let you know?

Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules, and they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them; disagree with them; glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do.

I want people to feel an immediate happiness and cheerfulness when they are around me. To make a difference in someone's life. I want to make an impression in someone's life, so that even though I may be delicate and fragile, my footprints are permanent within the hearts of the ones I've touched.

So be sure when you step,

Step with care and great tact.

And remember that life's a great balancing act.

And will you succeed?

Yes, you will, indeed.

Kid, you'll move mountains.

Which is why I'm going to stop now. And leave. Because I no longer feel bad about being a bad blogger :L. Besides, I totally said clever stuff here... right?? Anyways, the day awaits, goodbye everyone!

PS: Thanks for knowing me well enough to ask, and not assume.

When it falls.

I spent a great deal of today surfing the web for Things That Inspire Me. I thought that maybe you guys would like to be inspired too, since I've been so lazy with blogging lately. So here is a collection of inspiration I found.

Sometimes all you can do is play a really loud song, and scream the lyrics at the top of your lungs. To grab someone's hand, and dance around the room, singing into your hairbrush. And when they walk away, you cry and cry. Because everything is not going to be okay. But tomorrow, you will wake up, and smile, and pretend. And everything will be a little closer to okay

I will be okay without you. I am strong enough to get over you. Sure, it may take weeks, it may take months, but I will be fine. I will love again. Because you meant a lot to me, but you let me go. Now you get to see me walk away.

You have your little quirks, things you do or say that make me smile, and realise how wonderful you are. As much as I love them, I hate them too. When you break my heart, these are the things that will destroy me.

As long as you're there,

I'm going to be okay.

As long as you're with me,

I'm going to be able to breathe, to smile, to laugh.

And, I may not know it yet,

but at the end of the day,

you're the one I'm forever going to want.

In between the moon and you,

the angels get a better view

of the crumbling difference

between wrong and right.

Human beings are funny. They long to be with the person they love, but refuse to admit openly. Some are afraid to show even the slightest sign of affection because of fear. Fear that their feelings may not be recognised, or even worse, returned. But one thing about human beings puzzles me the most is their conscious effort to be connected with the object of their affection even if it kills them slowly within.

We're all hiding behind something.

Sometimes it's a disguise,

sometimes its a trait,

sometimes we're hiding behind the person that others wish we were.

And maybe we look pretty with our little masks on,

but maybe if we took them off we would be beautiful.

I know it took me a while to teach you the rules, and there were a lot. They involved giving me chocolate, letting me win, and interpreting the difference between "hi" and "hi!" But you learnt them. You learnt them all for me. Part of me wonders why you spent all that time learning, if you were just going to leave me. Part of me knew all along.

You see that sky? It shines just like you!

I dream about you every night. I've spent a lot more time with you in my mind than I have in real life. And that's difficult. But I know the you in my head so well, that sometimes I'm scared you two will do something different. And I'll realise I'm in love with someone who isn't you. But I'm not even having this conversation with you. I'm having it with the you in my mind.

Let's lie in the grass, and make pictures with the clouds.

And when the clouds disappear, we'll count the stars together.

And at the end of the day, our arms will be numb,

and we'll be sore, and have grass all over our clothes.

We'll smell a little bit like each other, though,

and that will make it all worth it.

That, and the goodnight kiss.

Maybe it's not about the happy ending.

Maybe it's about what you do with your time before you get to the end.

Life is like an hourglass.

Sooner or later, everything hits the bottom.

You just gotta be patient and wait for someone to turn it around.

I must be a pretty good liar.

For you to think

That everything is okay

And it seems like a loss somehow

My heart got lost on the way to my head

And my brain celss are dead

And the craziness shows

Now I start to go when the green turns to red

And I should be dead

Thankyou guys for reading my insanity. It sounds strange, but writing all this, and putting myself into other people's positions helps me think. And it lets me work out how I feel. I don't ever really feel anything for myself. I just copy everyone else. When you are sad, I am. When you have a bad day, I have one. When you get angry, I do. Now that I've been everyone else, I can be me again, too.

Rosa/Amy's survey

Heyyy babycakes, you got a name?
Hi, I'm Ebony, and I am cool.

haha kidding! anyways..ever choked on a peanut?
Uhh, probably

What do you think about Kristen Stewart's role in Twilight?
She can't act. What a letdown.

Who was the last person to say 'I love you' to you?
My mummy =)

Got a song stuck in your head?
always

I thought so, what song is it?
us against the world - westlife.

Are you tired of everyone saying 'That's what she said.'?
no, i think it's hilarious. even my parents say it =S. but i sitll laugh.

Are you interested in anyone?
of course

Is anyone interested in you??
lol, i believe so

Do you have a youtube account?
no =( i am lame.

If so, who is someone your subscribed to?
repeat: i am lame

Who was the last person to text you?
my last 4 messages are optus. but before that, my mum. repeat: i am lame.

Are you an only child?
no

Can you sing?
i try

Are you a good liar?
depends what i'm lying about. usually yes, unless i want them to know im lying.

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
as much wood as a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood

Say a random song lyric.
(8) it's the way she's always smiling, that makes me think she never cries. i feel like i'm losing my defences to the colour of her eyes. and every little piece of her is right... everytime we meet, the picture is complete, everytime we touch, the feeling is too much. she's all i ever need to fall in love again.

ok, ill stop now. i really like that song though. actually read it please!

Do you talk too much?
usually

Do you sometimes say what your thinking and not realize it?
:L yeah

What are you wearing?
pjs

Quick! Get up and run around the room!
lol. you wish.

Do you wear skinny jeans?
only my green ones. cuz they're green.

Are you currently drinking anything?
no

What did you do last night?
i had subway (be jealous) and there i saw someone from my primary who recognised me, but i didnt recognise her :L. but i did when she told me who she was. and went to my grandpas to watch the footy, and chatted to my aunties about random stuff. and then my mum joined. so it was me, nikki, mum, and 2 aunties. it was sooo fun. realisation: "god is obviously a man"

Who are your three favorite people to text?
i don't text people. repeat: i am lame. HOWEVER Attention all people that are also lame, I will text you as much as you like until July 1, cuz I have $50 credit I have to use by then or else I lose it. If you want to feel unlame, let me know!!

What's your favorite pick-up line?
lol, agree with rosa
"Did you know the distance from my elbow to my wrist is the same as from your shoulder to shoulder"

What's the WORST pick-up line you've ever heard?
"you're beautiful, i'm ugly, let's have average children" stolen from ms campbell :L

Has anyone hit on you in the past two weeks?
=S yes.

Are you wearing any jewelry?
no. is that how you spell it? that looks wrong.

Do you have any stalkers?
YES!! my smithteens stalker!! thankyou smithteens stalker!!!

Have you met Brooke or Mollie?
well, no

They're awesome :)
not as awesome as me.

Have you ever held a pig?
lol, yes.

Do you enjoy amusement parks?
no, i hate rides, they make me dizzy.

What is your least favorite ride at any amusement park?
all of them. except ferris wheels. and the rides where you throw balls in clowns mouths, and win stuffed toys, i like those.

Are you going muddin' anytime soon?
well, only if you are

I am :) me and Mollie are goin this summer! :)
i hope you have fun

Are you redneck?
you know that's a song? and no.

Do you have a little sister?
no

Is your best friend a guy?
define best friend.

Do you hate anyone?
boarders, collectively. apart from that, not really.

Do you like baseball?
i am not american.

Do people ever listen to you?
rarely

Have you ever fallen off a horse?
no, ive never ridden a horse

Do you like riding four-wheelers?
i think this means car, in which case, suure.

Do you like the band Hey Monday?
i don't know them

How 'bout Paramore?
yes, but they went bad when they did the twilight soundtrack

Have you ever been in the back on a Police car?
no

Do you like the Jonas Brothers?
i'm not sure. usually i follow my sister's musical taste (shocking, i know) and she likes them, so i guess i do.

Are you going to see their new 3D concert?
no

Do you like Nascar?
uhmm, no?

Worth every single mistake.

Hello, and welcome to June 18.
Otherwise known as Day 62. If you're weird...
I am blogging because:
a. I've been lazy lately.
b. My last blog didn't count.
c. Today is June 18.
d. I'm bored
e. I may have stuff to say.
Clearly, that's a lot of reasons.
Also, if you read this entire post, every single word, you will understand the title :L. That's right, you read it!

"Life is like a box of crayons. Most people are the 8-colour boxes, but what you're really looking for are the 64-colour boxes, with the sharpeners on the back. I fancy myself a 64-colour box, though I've got a few missing. It's ok though, because I've got some more vibrant colours like periwinkle at my disposal. I have a problem though in that I can only meet the 8-colour boxes. Does anyone else have that problem? I mean there are so many different colours of like, of feeling, or articulation.. so when I meet someone who's an 8-colour type, I'm like "hey girl, magenta!" and she's like, "oh, you mean purple!" and goes off on her purple thing, and I'm like, "No - I want magenta!""
- John Mayer.

I am a gust of wind. That swooshing feeling that makes you feel all cold, and run for shelter. The one that everyone wants to get away from, and they're glad when it's gone. The loud, gushing wind that numbs your fingers and itches at your eyeballs.
I don't want to be a gust.
I used to want to be a whirlwind. You know, one of those winds that fly in and everything changes in relation to them, and when they leave, everything is noticeably different.
I've changed my mind.
I want to be a zephyr. That slight breeze that you can barely feel, in fact, sometimes you don't notice it's there. But if you look for it, you will find it, and it will always be there. Gently cooling and heating, adding that little bit to your day.
I know I'll never be a zephyr. I think I was made to be a gust. But I'd like to be a zephyr, it would be nice to be a zephyr.

I knew before I told you. I knew before I told any of them. I knew before I told myself. I knew because when I closed my eyes, I saw it. I knew because that night changed my life. Actually, I knew because it didn't. And I didn't tell them about that either. Because I can't believe that I am really that person. But I knew. Oh yeah, I knew.

I am a very strong believer in the fact that everything in life can be explained by a happysad cartoon. Or a memoir. Or an episode of NCIS/Gilmore Girls. In fact, life can be explained relatively easily. I don't know why people tell me that life is complicated. People are complicated, life is simple. Sometimes it sucks, sometimes there's nothing you can do, sometimes you can't make your own choices, but it's always simple. If our drama play has taught me anything, it's that little decisions make a difference, and maybe that changes everything. But maybe we make bigger decision that are more important. And that's all that matters.

He calmed me down. That's amazing - crippled soul
I've used that memoir on here before, but I meant it in another way. I just want to bring your attention to the fact that HE CALMED ME DOWN. Because, for me, being calm is a very rare occurance, but he did it!
Usually, when I get that way, it takes about 24 hours for me to snap out of it, and be okay. Either that or a nervous breakdown. Neither are very nice. Obviously.
Instead, he took my 24 hours and made them perfect. I don't know how, and I don't know why, I just know that that's amazing. He's amazing.

And maybe everyone in the world who feels the need to give me their opinion has a point. BUT maybe I do actually know what I'm doing. In fact, maybe, I am actually capable of running my own life, and making my own decisions. Maybe I'm capable of judging character. And maybe, just maybe, I know when I'm happy.
Because I can tell you that I have not been so happy in a really long time. I mean, look at my life. Seriously, take a look. And be very very jealous. Because yes, I dare say, it is currently perfect. Sure, we freak out about assignments all being due, and only passing English by 4%, and not having time to do everything we want to. But this is perfection. I know who I am, and more than that, I love who I am. Finally.

Stalkers are underrated.

Dear secret smithteens stalker,
COOL!! YOU FOUND ME!!
GMH was introduced to me by Anna, in one of hermemoirs under Tic2daTac. Read through and you will find it!
Also, thankyou for stalking me.
Anyways, this doesn't really count as a blog, but I just wanted to say hi to my stalker. Hi!

Can't sing it without you

one - it's funny how stuff like that happens, isn't it? i hate the imbalance...
TWO - I DON'T BELIEVE FOR A SECOND THAT IT WAS COINCEDENCE. IF ONLY YOU HAD BEEN HERE...
three - maybe it's just a little bit too much for right now.
four - you don't know what you're doing, do you?

Hello, my name is Ebony, and I have been awake since 6:30. Why, you ask? I HAVE NO BLOODY IDEA! Although, Prad pulled an all nighter. So I'm not going to be totally ungrateful. (OK, so I am...)

Yesterday, I went shopping with my Mummy. We bonded <33!! I bought clothes =S But I DO need clothes, so I guess it was okay. I also bought some dragons socks!! =D (I am NOT a football fan). And I agreed to let her curl my hair for the social =S. But she was begging :L. Anyways, peoples, GO TO THE SOCIAL!!! Yes, I'm looking at you *stares*.

And I have totally been blogging heaps lately =D. I mean, comparitively. OK, so I've been slacking off for a little while... but but, I'm on MSN nowadays! And it's not like you guys wanna talk to me anyway. I was online for TWO AND A HALF HOURS yesterday before someone talked to me other than about the stupid English assignment. Which I have finished =D. Execpt my justification is 11 words over =S (shhhhh)

And and drama! We have a few minor (HUGE!) issues. Especially since we're supposed to know it by Tuesday... *cough*. But but my journal totally has 5 pages ALREADY. So you SLACKOS start writing!!

Hum. Ooooh, I ripped my very very favouritest seventies CD to my computer yesterday =DDDD (okay, so my sister did it for me. :)) and it is soooo good!! And it has My Little Angel on it!!! And I Don't Like Mondays. And American Pie. And Hooked On A Feeling. And those are the only songs you guys will know. And today I shall introduce you guys to ANOTHER classic seventies song which no one bloody knows. Have we all heard of John Paul Young?? (pretend!) Yay! Here is my favourite song by him! I Hate The Music. (youtube link! watch it watch it!!!)

I hate the music - the people say I sing my song so well
I just can't sing it without you, ooh-ooh-hooh
I hate the music - 'cause every time I hear that melody
It just reminds me of the - way we lived together
The way we used to be, the day that life was better
Back in the days you were with me-ee

Now on the day that I met you, the day you happened alo-ong
Remember me up there on stage, singin' it wrong
I saw you lookin' toward me, and right away I could tell
Made up my mind to go all out, and started singin' it we-ell
You could tell

I hate the music - the people say I sing my song in tune
I just can't sing it without you, ooh-ooh-hooh
I hate the music - 'cause everytime I hear that meldot
It just reminds of the - way we lived together
The way we used to be, the day when life was better
Back in the days you were with me-ee

Now music brought us together, and music tore us apart
And day and night the song goes on, breakin' my heart
Ooh, On the radio in the mornin' and on the TV ev'ry night
I tell you girl it's so damned hard
To get to sleep at ni-ight - Every night

I hate the music, I hate the music...

I hate the music - the people say I sing my songs okay
(Hey-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey - yeah)
I just can't sing it without you, ooh you know that it's true-ue
I hate the music - 'cause every time I hear that same old tune, can't sing it
I just can't sing it without you, ooh you know that it's true-ue

I hate the music - and everytime I hear that melody, yeah
(Hey-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey-hey - yeah)
I just can't sing it without you, oh you know that it's true-ue
I hate the music Hey-hey-hey
I hate the music Hey-hey-hey
I hate the music Hey-hey-hey
I hate the music Hey-hey
I hate the music Hey-hey

Gives Me Hope

one - you don't realise that that's where i was too. and it's stronger than you think
TWO - JUST BECAUSE WE CAN DEAL WITH IT DOESN'T MEAN IT WAS EVER OKAY.
three - i'm trying for you, you know? i did try for you. it was all for you.
four - people think i'm silly when i tell them. maybe i am silly. but it's the right thing for me.

Do we all remember Back In The Day when I used to blog all the time? Like, everyday. Multiple times. Very very long. Don't we all miss that day?

Anyways. Today, I am introducing you to ANOTHER website. Oh goodie, another brilliant waste of time! Actually, this one is so so awesome. We all know FML, right? Sure, we all read, we all laugh, we're all glad our lives aren't that screwed up.

But there is a BETTER website. Because, well, to be perfectly honest, it gives me hope. The website is givesmehope.com and at the moment, it's still relatively short. What with only 5 pages. But it is soo inspirational. GMH. =)

...Ok, well, I have maths homework to do. And that stupid English assigment. That I think I'm doing wrong. Point being: I'm procrastinating. So I'll blog again later. Ciao!

Wish you were here =)

Lost in translation.

I am currently listening to "Rubber Ducky" by Ernie from Sesame Street.
you see, my sister's computer DOES have some good music.
Wait... I think I gave this to her...
"Hey do you want me to scrub behind your ears?"
"squeek squeek squeek"
"Oh, I see, you don't have any ears, do you?" *gay laugh*

DAMN this song is good
anyways

Hello, my name is Ebony, and I am juust a liittle bit high at the moment.
"Whoa, high, very high"
"I've been higher"
"I meant distance from the ground"
"Yeah, that too"
Ok, I'm sorry, I just love that quote. From gilmore girls. Season 5. episode: You Jump, I Jump, Jack.

Hello, my name is Ebony, and I'm dancing around my house singing rubber ducky((ernie)) and the easy way((westlife)) and far away((nickelback)), at the top of my lungs. I have developed my own little crazy walk/dance. I am slightly scared.
But I'm happy. And sure, that seems to be something I've been saying a lot lately. But in all honesty, I am happy. Sure, things get stuffed up. Perhaps more than they need to. But at the end of the day, I can smile, and say that I've achieved something. Even if it just a smile, or helping someone out (or kicking someone's arse in monopoly).

ANYWAYS!

Hello, my name is Ebony, and I get hurt a lot more easily than everyone else. Most of the time I realise I'm being an immature idiot, and I don't tell anyone that I'm hurt. But some people can tell. I won't tell them why. Like I said, I'm just being an immature idiot.

Hello, my name is Ebony, and I worry a lot more easily than everyone else. But usually, there's someone there to tell me that I'm overreacting, and that everything's going to be okay. [Thankyou for being that person].

Hello, my name is Ebony, and I smile a lot more easily than everyone else. Often there's someont there to bring me back down to Earth. To get a little weirded out by highness {height?} which makes me realise that I'm too happy. Which makes me happier. Because I appreciate things that no one else ever will. ("Every smile is worth ten times more than every frown")

Hello, my name is Ebony, and I'm just a little bit sillier than everyone else. I still hold onto the fact that I've never sung into a hairbrush. But toothbrush? More than once. (I did not just admit that.) But, come on, being silly is what makes me so awesome =D. (Surprised!)

Hello, my name is Ebony, and I have to go to sleep now. Because I need my beauty sleep *nods*. And I'm sorry I haven't blogged much lately, I just feel like...

I can't share with the rest of the world how I'm feeling, because it always hurts me or them. Also, it's hard to translate emotions into words. Because I don't think in words, or even in thoughts most of the time. i think in emoticons (no, really :L) I see happy and sad faces, clocks, cats, dogs, anything except thoughts. It's all emotions and feelings and vibes. And... it loses something in translation.

N2S: sleep you idiot!
Ok, bye guys.

Wish you were here,

Happy. Sad.

Hello, and welcome to my blog entirely dedicated to happysad.
Yes, those are the awesomeful cute cartoons xD. To see the index of cartoons, click here.
Yay for happysad!!

Maybe it's hard to hear something you need to hear. And maybe, it's harder to hear it from the person you need to hear it from. But how else can you know? How else can you learn? And sometimes, it is something that you really do need to hear. Something that can change everything. And no one will tell you, because no on wants to hurt you. But that's what hurts you the most.

I don't really feel the need to lecture you. Sure, you could use it, but not from me. Why? Because I don't really know you all that well. In fact, lecturing you would be rather hypocritical of me, because I think and feel the same way that you do. In fact, I agree with you. And rather than fix everything for you, I'd just like to be there while you sit it out. I don't want to change you, I just want to be there for you.

You know when it's been raining all day, and the sky has been grey. Everywhere you look are clouds, and dull, dreary, grey skies. And then the sun peeps out a little. And suddenly, everything lights up. The sky turns a pretty blue, the grass look greener. The world just shines a little. And you have this feeling that everything is going to be okay, everything will work out. And everything is beautiful. That's the feeling I get around you, you're my peep of sunshine.

I just need a hug. I just need you to come up and hold my hand, and tell me that everything is going to be okay. Because I'll believe you. I really will. And I need to know that everything's going to be okay. People are hurting me, and they don't realise it, and it's making things worse, and I need you to tell me that it's going to be fine. I need you to tell me that you're there. And I need you to tell me that you'll never leave. Not like everyone else. I need you to never leave.

How can no one accept things?! How can you not accept things? You who is always "open minded", you who can accept new things. Why do you always need to change everything. Leave it alone! Maybe, everything is how it is for a reason. Maybe, everything needs to just happen, and you need to just let it. It's not going to change by uou willing it. Leave. it. alone. It gives you such hope, wishing things were different. Simpler, easier, better. Maybe they never will be. Maybe this is as good as it gets! Stop wishing to change the world, when all you need to change is yourself.

And everyone tells me to slow down. But maybe I don't wanna slow down. Maybe I like doing things fast. Maybe, I just need someone to catch up, and run with me. Because walking isn't very fun. Not that running is fun. It's just... maybe I have somewhere to go. So whilst you all walk around aimlessly, I'm ready to run home.

I guess, that's all I have to say. Plus, I've run out of cartoons. Or at least run out of favourites. You know, this blog has been a week in the making. That stuff between cartoons, I've been writing it all week. And the cartoons, I've been browsing and choosing my favourites all week, and after all that effort, it's not even that good, and it's not even getting across the point... but it's very me. So I'll leave it.