Headspace

Another bonus plog for being slack... because I promised Damian

I’ve decided that when I have $2000 in my change jar (or however much it costs to get a return ticket to Spain), I am coming back here. It makes me so sad that I have this incredible family that I’m not going to see for years and years. Everyone is so lovely, but their lives are so hard, and most can’t afford to visit Australia. Unemployment is crazy high here and everyone’s worried about their kids and their futures… but everyone is still so nice and they take us out to dinner and buy us lollies and show us the sites. They can’t afford anything, but what they have, they share and it’s like a completely different meaning to family to what I’ve seen before. Maybe Australians are greedy or maybe our culture is just different, but whatever it is, I love it here, and I want to spend forever here. Note to self: Must learn Spanish in a proportional rate to the increasing wealth of my change jar. (Tiredness leads to grammatically incorrect sentences; can’t even think of a simple way to phrase this.)

The saddest thing happened to us on the drive to Ayegui that no one else even thought was sad. A guy on the side of the road at traffic lights was selling tissues and dad had stolen my last packet that morning due to his illness and decided to buy them. He asked “how much are they?” and the guy said “just give me some money so I can eat”. Like, he doesn’t even have a price, he just needs something to live on, and that’s one of the saddest things ever. How many people will turn him away because they can’t be bothered to search for change, or are impatient to get on with their journey? Life is so sad and horrible and the fault is not within ourselves but in the stars.

I’m in a really good headspace here and I’m not sure if it’s the place, the people, or the lack of uni stress. I feel like I can achieve anything I set my mind to and I’m willing to try for a few things. Here is my “carefully written list of short-term goals”:
• Earn enough money in the next three years to be able to come back and visit Spain. If I save $2000 in my change jar, I’m willing to take the rest of the necessary money out of my savings. Therefore, if I accumulate money in change jar at an approximate rate of $13/week, this goal will be achieved. Factoring in my tutoring job that gives me $45/week in cash, this should be totally attainable.
• Learn Spanish. I don’t need to be able to speak in Spanish, I have plenty of translators here to do that for me. But I want to increase my vocabulary, to the point where I can understand the simple phrases my aunts and uncles ask me, and can order from a menu that isn’t translated. I’m not entirely sure how to go about this and I expect it will be quite difficult but, learning Spanish has always been on my bucket list.
• Find a better organisation system for uni. Last semester, I ran out of space in my maths books before anything else, and I only printed some lectures… I think I might have two books, one for lectures one for tutes, and not print lecture slides because they’re there at the end when I need them anyway… maybe numbers or something.
• Try hard at uni early to relieve later stress particularly during exam time. This is going to be crazy hard for me because uni starts tomorrow and when I get back to Australia I’m already going to have two weeks to catch up on, but I think I can do it… I might start listening to lectures on my holiday. Am I that pathetic? Maybe. (Don’t say pathetic, say dedicated Ebony).
• I’m going to cook more when I get back to Australia so I can have some edible food for lunch. In Spain, most of the food is rice and potato based, so I think I should try and replicate some of that at home. Plus, learning to cook is a generally good thing, even if my boyfriend will always be better at it than I am (but I beat you with desserts darling).
• Stop making up crap in my head. My fucking mind is a complete piece of shit and I am over dealing with it. I have enough things in my life to keep me occupied without overanalysing other peoples’ actions and words. If someone wants to tell me something, they will, otherwise, don’t go looking for it.
• Try and be a little less me and a little more what I want to be. Most people grow out of the stage where they talk too much and demand attention from people and are in your face all day. I am a child. And everything you say about me is everything I hate about me so I can understand why you don’t like me. I’m sorry I ruined everything for you. I love you. More than I thought I could, considering I barely know you.

(Just realised that these feel like new years' resolutions because I have such a long holiday and it's summer so it feels like January)


And that's all folks... will catch up on normal posts when I have spare time...