Favourites.

My second memoir account, Just another girl, is finally over.
(Yup, that's how cool I am)
(Or I just think too much :L)

ANYWAYS, in celebration (beause it's a big deal to me), I am going to share with you my VERY FAVOURITE memoirs =D (there's a lot. bear with it. or skip to the end.)

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Was a star. Fell. For you.

.

It's okay, the voices talk back.
.

I'll breathe every breath for you.
.

Wish on stars that look happy
.

Tripped, fell over, got up again.
.

Living life as a hopeless romantic.
.

Planted hope. Forgot to water it.
.

I'm lonely. Nothing severe; just lonely.
.

We're just the dreamers of tomorrow.
.

This memoir will bring you luck.
.

Even the best fall down sometimes.
.

Hopeless romantic fell in love... again.
.

Wanna sell my life on ebay.
.

Maybe it shouldn't be about him...
.

All in favour of murdering Monday?
.

My life is on repeat. Again.
.

Second best isn't so bad afterall.
.

I am glass. Fragile, neglected, breaking.
.

I'm fading out. No one's noticing.
.

His smile puts stars to shame.
.

I get lost in the crowd.
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I'm a dreamer because of him.
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Just another girl on a journey.
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They see ugly. I see beauty.
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Every single word it's own lullaby.
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Constantly questioning myself, never finding answers.
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Wrote his name in chocolate topping.
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The phone's never been for me.
.

Dad doesn't wish me goodnight anymore.
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Getting in deeper all the time.
.

I was overdue for a breakdown.
.

I've never seen you without wings.
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Stumbled upon crosswords. chose dead end.
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Got into an arguement with fate.
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Love life, on a good day.
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I can feel myself falling again.
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Somehow, I'll forever be a dreamer.
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I think it's sort of beautiful.
.

I'm hiding behind this loquacious disguise.
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More broken than their eyes see.
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Walk towards the edge and jump.
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Hold my hand and just run.
.

Everything hurts. But hurts so nice.
.

I should be grateful. I'm not.
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You smile. I cry. You laugh.
.

You patch my holes by smiling.
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Writing it down. Letting it go.
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Acting like nothing happened; fooling nobody.
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Time runs out; but words prevail.
.

Wished for him. Again. Still waiting.
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Fake smile to hide the pain.
.

No on wants my hugs anymore.
.

I am stronger than you think.
.

Lost teddy. Now I hug air.
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"Theres nothing wrong with you." Thankyou
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Those stars shine just like you.
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Sold my soul to the moon.
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Salty raindrops falling down my face.
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Each star, another wish for him.
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Putting a pricetag on my soul.
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If I smile, I won't bleed.
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Only an echo of old emotions.
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Watching the clock tick to 11:11.
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You jump, I jump, got it?
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Love telling secrets. Nobody like listening.
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Up all night, rewriting my life.
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The bridge between cooties and kisses.
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Please be stars and not aeroplanes.
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Clouds block stars. No wishes tonight.
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If you get lost, find me.
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Today's horoscope: "Rethink something quite important."
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Saying plans aloud. Hearing God laugh.
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This hell that some call "home"
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Maybe you're bored. I'm nothing special.
.

I'm the girl you forgot about.
.

Something is missing. Maybe it's me.
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Put your umbrella away and dance.
.

I'd wait forever just for you.
.

Life brings frown. He returns smile.
.

Still finding out who I am.
.

I see beyond a pretty face.
.

My life's crossroads has traffic lights.
.

We over analysed each other together.
.

Despite best efforts, still had fun.
.

hopeless romantic searching for naive perfection.
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Genuine smiles in an artificial world.
.

Rain falling from sky and eyes.
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Would the world jump for me?
.

Maybe I'm beautiful on the inside.
.

Maybe I just really... need him?
.

Suddenly my mind is episdn umop.
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Subtle was never my strong point.
.

Square one is getting awfully familiar.
.

Tears became longing. Longing became heartache.
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All I know is you're beautiful.
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Smile at me. I'll smile back.
.

Look at all the pretty people...
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August 12 2007. Somewhere around 7.
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Each tear. More beautiful than before.
.

you didn't love me
I finally did.
.

I couldn't; but I died trying.
.

How can someone be so empty?
.

I believe in better than reality.
.

My superhero with a rusty cape.
.

Notice: This soul is under construction.
.

With broken hearts and shattered dreams.
.

I believe in impossibilities and miracles.
.

Just another girl hiding from life.
.

Self destruciton is not an option.
.

I'm learning to believe in myself.
.

24 hours: successfully destroyed every friendship.
.

The girl who finds life beautiful.
.

Dear destiny,
I surrender. You win.
.

I don't even like myself anymore.
.

We exchanged secrets and song lyrics.
.

Running far enough to be missed.
.

I smiled, and was finally beautiful.
.

11:05... I'll stay awake to wish.
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Flying away on their whispered words.
.

I miss the girl I was.
.

I talk to God a lot.
.

You're my angel with broken wings.
.

I cried.
I cry a lot...
.

I'm drowning, but still ever silent.
.

Finding my place, my voice, myself.
.

I'm an artist without the art.
.

One persn can't make a difference...
.

I believe that you are amazing.
.

With crumpled secrets in my pockets...
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Like everytime a rain drop falls...
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Things no one seems to notice.
.

Failing to conserve even small secrets.
.

There are voices in my head.
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Words change. Nothing else ever does.
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Dream catcher. Dream maker. Dream believer.
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I need hot chocolate and cookies.
.

What if the shoe doesn't fit?
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The pain is not worth it.
.

My hand has holes for yours.
.

Deteriorating differenced between right and wrong.
.

Now my feet are all cold.
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Living for him.
He's living for me.
.

I want to be a sunflower.
.

One day, I'll sparkkle for you.
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Both in love with other people.
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Don't make me look away again.
.

It hurts to say "just friends"
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Exchanging secret whispers and silly smiles.
.

And then my heart went crazy...
.

Right there in front of me...
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Every smile sparkles like diamond nights.
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Forgot to sleep. Remembered to dream.
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I wonder what you keep hidden...
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Dear smile,
It's been a while.
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Everything comes down to this moment.
.

I hurt you to save myself.

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ANND!!! (I'm putting this here cuz I want it all here. I only found it yesterday.)

OK, this is a part of my book that I wrote back in January on my holiday, loosely based around two people. This is Elle and Luke's meet cute. The first person it's based around was someone I almost met in QLD :L, the second person is the one who gave Luke his mystery. Enjoy part one:

I was just walking through the class room as a shortcut, I didn't expect to see anyone in there. But as I walked in, I saw someone sitting on a chair in the corner, spinning around. He didn't seem to have a problem with me being there, so I kept moving, but I watched him. Each time he got to my direction he would lock eyes with me, until his face was out of view; constantly spinning, repeating the cycle each time. I can't say I noticed much of what he looked like.. just that he seemed sad, and a little surprised. But people didn't normally cut through classrooms, so that was to be expected. I didn't really think anything of it.

-----

Part two:

Weird that someone I had never seen before that day was suddenly everywhere I went. I guess it's that way with everything. Once you start looking for it, you find it. I don't think I was exactly looking for him, but I found him alright. The second time was in the office. I was walking through to get out of school, and he was hanging around looking at pictures on the wall. As I walked in, he looked up boredly, but then changed to… happy? It wasn't a startled change of expression either, just a gradual one, but there was definitely a change. We locked eyes again, for as long as his position would allow, before he refocused his attention on the pictures.

…

The third time I say him was at sport. We were just minding our business playing a game of hockey when a basketball intruded on our game. Everyone looked up just in time to see him run in to grab it. He picked up the ball, looked at me, then walked back to his game with an apologetic nod to our teacher. I'd never before noticed how quiet he was. That even in his apology he didn't utter a single word.

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Part three: (Good things take time)

"You're quiet." I said to him. He looked up, but he didn't seem surprised, he just nodded. "Why?" I prompted.

"Nothin' to say" he said, and looked down again. I sat down next to him.

"But you must have thoughts, right?" he nodded again, "Why don't you voice them?"

"People don't wanna hear" he said, still not looking at me.

"Doesn't stop me" I laughed

He smiled and looed at me "Yeah, I noticed"

"Noticed? When?" It's not like I'd been very chatty when I saw him

"I've noticed you" he blushed and looked down again.

"In a creepy way?" I made a move to leave.

"No" he looked up to check that I was staying "It's just… you intrigue me" I looked at him questioningly "I admire your confidence" he clarified.

"As in my voicing my opinion no matter whether people want to hear it? That's not confidence, that's arrogance" I smiled

"Yeah" he looked reminiscent "Still wish I had it"

I moved my head around to look at him "If you ever need to voice your opinion, come find me, okay?"

He nodded "I will"

"Good" I stood up, and started to walk, then hesitated

"Luke" he said. I looked down to see him smiling at my confused look. "My name is Luke Moore." He clarified

"Elle" I said "How did you…?"

He simply shrugged, still smiling.

-----

Was it worth the three parts?

It so was!!

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Ok, well, that's all I really wanted to say today.

Smile! =D

What I'm supposed to say.

Quote: "I can't believe that you smiling at me was the highlight of a day where I got an A on a test, found twenty bucks, and won a debate" - stealed from amys blog again. (That's not really so hard to believe is it? I mean, some smiles are truly beautiful)
Memoir: "Hands touch. Hear our fingers whisper?" - lexxx. (I heard it)
Song in head: Swing swing - AAR
Listening to: Give me a reason - The Corrs
Thinking about: Glowing :L (inside thing. again)
Annoyed by: Silly people that get sick and don't come to school
Cheered by: The prospect of tomorrows.
Mood: Relaxed.

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I should be studying.

Now that we've gotten that out of the way...

I haven't blogged properly in a while. I haven't memoired much either. Actually, damn, what the hell have I been doing?? I guess I have been studing a lot... and doing geo...
Hmmmms

It's sorta funny that I don't even have something to say...
Hummmmmmm.

ok, lets DNM.

-----

I find it easier to trust the universe now. Things work out, you know? I mean, things fall into place so easily. As long as you know how to cope with things... you can figure your way out of them. And as long as you understand that bad things happen for a reason, and you look for the reason, you can learn something. And at the end of the day, it can be worth it.

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Humanity has redeemed itself! Haha, only one person will get that, and she doesn't read. And if I explain it, you'll all think I'm stupid. (Shush, I know I am). But THANKYOU humanity, for restoring my faith in you. I shall never doubt you again. (OK, so I will, but not as much as before)

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Hehe, I love the Corrs. Their music is so happy-making. I still say their music is the best to fall in love to. Screw Blue October. (Okay, Blue October I'm sorry. It's just... The Corrs!) (I still love you Blue October). corrs = bombdigity

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Oh, FARROUT!!! How many times have I said it now? Do you need me to spell it out?? Over and over and over. Hint after hint. Please, take the hint. No, really. (Maybe this will help...)

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OK, so maybe having voices in your head, actually talking to you, and yes, telling you what to do (Nikki: "are they telling you to jump?") is not quite normal, and most definately not a good thing. But I love my voices. My little people in my head. I think they stop me from doing things a lot. But they also encourage me to do things. They are my little fairy godparents, trying to teach me right from wrong. And let me tell you, they're doing an okay job.
So when you all look at me like I'm crazy, or burst out laughing in health when I tell you about my voices, I'm laughing at you on the inside too. Because I have special little people in my head. And you are very lonely.

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"I'm invisible"
"Not to me"
"Yeah, see that's why I like spending time around you"

Haha, that's what you said to me when I stopped you from being left behind a couple of days ao (so I don't remember the exact day). It totally made my day. Even though it was only 8:00, and I'm sure it was a goodish day. But you told me that you like spending time with me. In fact, we have had multiple conversations this week about how I like you to be included, and I seriously feel so appreciated when I talk to you.

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Song for the day.
<33 The Script!!

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just praying to a God that I don't believe in
Cuz I got time while she got freedom
Cuz when a heart breaks no it don't break even

Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
Cuz when a heart breaks no it don't break even... even... no

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're okay?
I'm falling to pieces, yeah,
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
Cuz she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven even... no

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're okay?
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
(Cuz when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)

Oh you got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame
Cuz I got time while she got freedom
Cuz when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven
No it don't break
No it don't break even no

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just praying to a God that I don't believe in
Cuz I got time while she got freedom
Cuz when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven
No it don't break
No it don't break even no

What am I suppposed to do when the best part of me was always you?
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up that you're okay?
(oh I'm glad you're okay now)
I'm falling to pieces yeah
(oh I'm glad you're okay)
I'm falling to pieces yeah
(One still in love while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces
(Cuz when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)

Oh it don't breakeven no
Oh it don't breakeven no
Oh it don't breakeven no

Letters to the editor.

Laura,

Oh you strange, strange mind. People are not rubber bands. When you stretch them too far, they do not snap back. They stay away. When you push people away, don't expect them to come back. don't expect them to want to.

People aren't puppies either. When you smother them with love and attention, don't expect them to take it well. In fact, expect them to run away from it all. Just because your past dictates how you act with them, does not mean they have dealt with equal things. It doesn't mean they'll act the same.

And people aren't always friends. And those who are, aren't always good friends. And more foten than not, they're going to hurt you. And more often than not, they're not going to be there when other people hurt you. Your past should tell you that much.

Tony



But people deserve trust, oh strange mind of mine. People deserve a little vote of confidence. If you give nothing to them, how can you expect something in return? And even if you give all of yourself to them and get nothing, what do you have to lose? A little self confidence that you had far too much of in the first place. And the destruction of a reputation that you continually pride yourself in ruining.

Maybe giving a little of yourself to other will do you goos. Maybe it would do everyone some good to give themselves away. No one really needs the facade they hide behind. The world is better without the masks, dear. So give it all, and never look back, what do you have to lose?

Jessica



I spent 10 minutes listening to Tony (he's the cynic in my head) before i reverted to Jessica (she's the hopeless romantic). I must admit, I prefer Jessica.
So yes ladies and gents, that's my head.
Or at least the slight amount of it that I allow you to see.

Reminisce old memories

one - i think i did the right thing. and it doesn't matter what you think.
TWO - I'M BEGINING TO FEAR THAT YOU'RE RIGHT. PLEASE BE WRONG.
three - yes i'm a filthy hypocrite. but i mean well.
four - i'm sorry that i hurt you. but part of me is glad.

-----

It's been a while since I posted. I keep meaning to, I'm just not sure what I have to say here. But, as per usual, I'm sure I'll discover that when I start.

-----

Let's start at Thursday. Thursday was a bad, bad day. You know how some days are just awful? Well that was Thursday(but I found my pen). Until I got home (Thankyou). Although when I did homework it was a little crappy again. But, you know, homework is just like that.

And then we get to Friday. Friday was a good day. Not as good as Wednesday, but beter than Thursday. The whole day was about at 8. And then I got home, and people started being weird. And when I say people, I mean everyone I know, suddenly decided to be weird together. But then I left and went to my grandads (=D) and when I came back, it was nice again. So I did some studying.

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Yes, I'm weird like that. When I'm in a good mood, I like to study. It works out well though. Because other people think study and immediately =S =( and I think study and go =D. Now my study book is coated with sunshine and smiles. =P

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hmmmms...
My sister and I have had this song stuck in our heads (and thus our neghbours' heads) for about a week now. She told me never to watch the video clip, and I think I saw part of it on Channel [V] and can totally understand where she's coming from. So here is a link to the video with only lyrics :L Oh yeah, and the song is Don't Trust Me by 3oh!3 (I know you've all heard it. hear it again. it is a good song)

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I'm sorry. Yeah, and maybe sorry doesn't always cut it. But I don't know what else I can say. I know that whatever I say, you're never going to understand. You're never going to understand, because you're not me, and you're never going to be able to see it from my perspctive. I doubt you'll ever understand me, I doubt I'll ever understand myself, I just thought that... maybe... you could put up with my bad days in exchange for my good ones. I'm really, really sorry (again).

-----

The song for today:
(Ok, not really. But let's pretend? It's a good song...ish.)
If Today Was Your Last Day

My best friend ave me the best advice
He said each day's a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less travelled by
That first step you take is the longest stride

If today was your last day, and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like you last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had?
If today was your last day
What if, what if, today was was your last day?

Against the grain should be a way of life
What's worth the price is always worth the fight
Every second counts, cuz there's no second try
So live like you'll never live it twice
Don't take the free ride in your own life

If today was your last day, and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donat every dime you had?

Would you call old friends you never see?
Rminisce old memories?
Would you forgive your enemies?
And would you find that one you're dreaming of?
Swear up and down to God above?
That you'd finally fall in love, if today was your last day?

If today was your last day,
Would you make you mark by mending a broken heart?
You'd know it's never too late to shoot for the stars
Regardless of who you are

So do whatever it takes
Cuz you can't rewind a moment in this life
Let nothing satnd in your way
Cuz the hands of time are never on your side

If today was your last day, and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like you last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had?

And would you call old friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories
Would you forgive your enemies?
And would you find that one you're dreaming of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you'd finally fall in love

If today was your last day

You'll never take that away

Quote: "when i told him i liked him, i worried it would be the end of our friendship, but instead it was the beginning of something so much more wonderful." – stolen from amys blog
6 word memoir: "You're number 1. Myspace says so." – WittyGinger (I don't have myspace. But I named my blog after you, im sure it means the same thing...)
Song in head: I hope you dance – ronan keating
Listening to: Dawn of a new day – in flames
Thinking about: Randomly randomness.

Annoyed by: maths studying, people who are away on msn, songs that arent on limewire
Cheered by: finishing studying, people who come back online, songs I have on CD
Mood: Bubblated :L and high, and just very happy

Today I started eating my chocolate Mr Bunny and Mrs Ducky. Mr Bunny has no ears. Muaha Mr Bunny, muaha.

-----

I'm in one of my very weird, crazy, eccentric moods. (Again? Yes!)

People have been telling me all day that I am high (pssst… I know ;)), and yes, I am still high, and yes, my feet are off the ground.

You know how sometimes things just work? Well, things are working. Except my group… sorta. But only cuz we're never all there, what with their interact stuff and all. But we're still close, I think. I mean, we just, seem to all be there for each other. It's like, an unspoken bond. For me, that is cool!

-----

My sister recommended a molto awesome song to me today.

It is called "I hope you dance" and it is my the fabulosomundo Ronan Keating link to video. Link to lyrics. It's very cuteful, and partially about his daughter (??I think).

-----

Here, this is for a laugh. (Don't take my sense of humour too seriously guys) http://www.smithteens.com/sixwords/story.php?did=47316#comments

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And OHMYGOSH. Why does NO ONE understand the happy scale? Dead does not mean you actually explode or anything. It means you become EMOTIONALLY dead because the emotion is uncontainable within yourself. Yes, it is possible to be that happy and that sad.

Ebony's Happiness Scale

0 – Dead

1 – Should be in rehab

2 – Depressed

3 – Very sad

4 – Sad

5 – Meh

6 – Happy

7 – Very happy

8 – High

9 – Feet aren't touching the ground anymore

10 – Dead

-----

And now for today's song. (Because a day is not a day without a song [although yesterday didn't really have one {But I sung Stay beautiful enough to make it almost yesterday song (even though it's already been used [it's my blog, I make up the rules])}])

This is from the song "calling you" (actually listen to it, it's pretty good) by Blue October (and I hope you didn't listen to 18^th floor balcony, cuz that song sorta sucks)

Well expect me to be
Calling you to see
If you're OK when I'm not around
Asking if you love me
I love the way you make it sound
Calling you to see
Do I try too hard to make you smile?
To make us smile

Well, I will keep calling you to see
If you're sleeping, are you dreaming?
If you're dreaming, are you dreaming of me?
I can't believe you actually picked me

Live.

May the fourth be with you

Oh yeah, I'm so funny sometimes… (come on, that's an awesome joke!) (if you don't like star wars, then you can just leave, okay?)

Quote: "I'm sure if you looked hard enough you'd find a valley that had never seen a broken heart. But I'd wager to say that that would be a loveless valley" (that might not be word perfect, and I don't know what it's from… I just remember it)
6 word memoir: "I wish our conversations lasted forever" -Lilly
Song in head: The Quiet Place – In Flames (cough)
Listening to: Send Me On My Way – Rusted Root

Thinking about: How different those two songs are…

Annoyed by: How hard it is to pick a memoir that actually fits what I'm feeling… that one went pretty close though.
Cheered by: Life. Sometimes, it really is that easy…
Mood: Content. I think that pretty much sums it up.

Haha, today in IPT, me, Mango, and Ian were rating our own happiness out of 10. I gave mine at 8.5, and Mango's like "you don't seem 8.5" so I changed it to 8 :L

Now I think I'm 8.25…

How happy are you today? (Just so no one whinges that they have nothing to comment on)

Today, I spelt a great deal of time with my mum/sister

I'm not sure why… :L

It was nice though, we were just talking

Trust me, they know, like, all the gossip that goes around at our school before half of you :P And she says I don't tell her anything pshhh…

I fell strangely happy now. It's like, I feel infinite again. I've really missed this. I feel like I can get as hurt as I want, because I'm strong enough to take it…

Some of us smithteeners (ok, so like, 4 of us) were recently discussing "songs to fall in love to" and all of them said that the best was 18^th floor balcony by blue october. So being me and all, I decided to download this song (honestly, if you saw half of the random songs on my computer, you would be very confused [and probably pretty scared too])

Anyways, this is the BESTES part of 18^th floor balcony:

So we talked about mom's and dad's
About family pasts
Just getting to know where we came from
Our hearts were on display
For all to see
I can't believe this is happening to me

And I raised my hand as if to show you that I was yours
That I was so yours for the taking
I'm so yours for the taking
That's when I felt the wind pick up
I grabbed the rail while choking up
These words to say and then you kissed me...

Alrighties then, I should go, like, nowish (and EAT!!)

Enjoy your Monday peoples. (It's ok though, because tomorrow is Tuesday <33)

Yeah, Tuesday are le awesome!!

(Remember to comment! ;))

Hope.

Quote: "If I tell you I love you, can I keep you forever?" - Casper the Friendly Ghost
Memoir: "He clamed me down. That's amazing." - crippled soul
Song in my head: Man Who Can't Be Moved - The Script. Yeah, again
Listening to: Hold up a Light - Take That
Thinking about: how happy-making this song is. :L
Annoyed by: Stupid version of mediaplayer without the slidey bar thing
Cheered by: Being the only one awake
Mood: Excited. Huh, that's weird...

I dreamt that we held hands - magieadams1223

Good morning all, and welcome to Sunday.
The nothing day.
When me, my mum, my sister all work, my Dad watches the footy, and we do nothing.
We don't get in each other's way, we don't feel a need to spend ever single possible second together.
It's just Sunday.

"As the orchestra plays

The people take the seats

There's no room left in this house

It's only you and me

And if life is your stage

I'll be watching"

So...
You know, I sort of wonder why I even bother blogging anymore. It's not like I write anything important, and it's not like anyone reads it (or, you know, comments!) So, why is it here?
But then I remember that this where I vent away my negative energy, as well as spread my positive energy. and without it, I'm just a confused mash of emotions. So blog I shall.

"As we start, rehearsing every scene

The words to everything

We realise that

The crowd is listening"

I'm glad that she noticed, or more that she cared. But half of it is her fault. Because she makes me feel bad about myself on purpose, and then wonders why I'm upset. Maybe i can't take it as easily as you do, darling. Maybe it does actually mean something to me. And I cannot believe you toldme that YOU are upset that you can't trust me. Who do you think that might hurt more?

"And then the tears, fall down on your face

At exactly the right place

As the people stop to

Stand up in the aisles"

Slow down.
I know you like to go through life at an extremely fast pace, but occassionally it is better to take it slow. You're scarng people. Always rushing everywhere. Just let your life live itself, and hold on!

"You can hear the sound of violins

On every street tonight

You can see the lovers dancing round

I'll be watching!"

Let's summarise my yesterday:
I woke up at 6:18 (I assure you, this is a curse) and eventually convinced myself to get out of bed. Bummed around all day, not doing much. Some homework here and there... catching up on memoirs etc. Had a workmate's 21st at 6:30. Danced a lot with my Dad =). Came home, fell asleep.
Yup, that was yesterday.

Here's a secret: I'm scared shitless - colored.pencils

Ok, I should talk about something worthwhile for a change.
But nothing comes to mind...
So all of you have a fantabulousful Sunday and I shall see you at school tomorrow.

Dance.

"this is permission to break me" -amy-k3s-u

I feel like crazy dancing =S
I think it's the song I'm listening to :L
I think I'm happy at the moment. Happy in a crazy way, not asmiley way...
But if all I get is crazy happy, I'll take it.

DAMMIT! I feel like crazy dancing! Why can't anyone else be awake in my house?? You lazy ones! Honestly! It's almost 8:00!!!

"you can dance if you like,
you can sing every line of every song,
no you don't have to steal the show,
it was your show all along"

uhmmm, so.....

one - she thought i didn't know. silly, silly girl.
TWO - SMILE. SMILE FOR ME.
three - there's nothing you can do about it
four - i don't need to miss you.

well then, that was...that

haha, i'll blog later, i think my parents are going shoppping =)

Progress...

one - i don't know if you know what i meant, i really hope you do
TWO - IT'S AROUND ABOUT NOW THAT YOU START FORGETTING. BUT PLEASE JUST HOLD ON A LITTLE LONGER...
three - i'm doing it again, some things never change
four - i thought i was making progress...

Hmmm... life is so boring without MSN...
I don't even have anything to write...

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Just a small town boy and girl
Living in a crazy world
Trying to figure out what is and isn't true
And I don't try to hide my tears
The secrets or my deepest hears
Through it all, nobody gets me like you do
And you know everything about me
You say that you can't live without me...

I'm only up when you're not down.
Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground
It's like no matter what I do...
Well, you drive me crazy half the time
The other half, I'm only trying to let you know that what I feel is true
And I'm only me when I'm with you

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"wants to take leaps. so afraid" - DyingEmber

the worst part was that they couldn't tell how scared i was... several random people walked up to me and asked if i was okay... with a shaky laugh i told them that i wasn't... but that i would be... eventually... i guess that's not really true, a part of me was ecstatically happy, and a part of me was falling more and more...

but they couldn't tell...
and i know that should make me feel bad... or alone... but it didn't... i'm not alone, i'll never be alone. so yes, the worst part was that there was no worst part... and that's bad...
damn, even i don't quite get that... i just know that there should be a bad part to that...
my gosh, this is very hard to talk about without mentioning names...

moving on...

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Hello, I'm Ebony, and everday I become more and more disappointed in myself. And then I feel really guilty, and then I get upset. And other people shouldn't have to put up with me being upset... so then I feel more guilty. In the end, I usually just wander around by myself for a little while... people have learnt to understand this, and just let me be... but sometimes I wish someone would come up and hug me, or let me cry on them...I go mental by myself. I guess... if it was someone else, I wouldn't go up to them, but that's because I'd feel like I'm intruding... I don't think people feel like that about me, because I don't really have personal space. Sometimes I wonder why no one bothers...

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Hello, and welcome to MAY!
Which causes us to reflect on April.
April was a pretty awesome month, when you think about it...
A lot happened, a lot changed, a lot stayed the same...

Words from April:
Inspire.
Appreciate.
Care.
Understand.
Create.
Grow.
Imagine.
Jump.
Belong.
Fall.
Sleep.

{{Sleep doesn't really fit, huh?}}

I think that's a very pretty list... it's all taken from my 'Dream' pictures. (I write them in Geo/History when I get bored, and Shai/Corinne are working/being boring. That's actually more common than you'd think)
(Sleep is my favourite...)

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Hmmmmm....
"I know it makes no sense, what else can I do? How can I move on when I'm still in love with you?" ALL DAY I have been singing "Man who can't be moved" ALL DAY! And ALL DAY I have gotten stuck at the SAME PART... that's the line I couldn't remember. Le sigh, if only I had known that a few hours ago...

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I feel like I'm on an emotional see-saw.

(Does that really need an explanation? It's sorta self explanatory...)

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Hello, I'm Ebony... yeah, still... and I feel very happy... for a large duration of my day... but coming home makes me sad, especially when it's for the weekend... I know that I have lots of reasons to smile, and I do smile, but I smile so excessively during the day, my cheeks hurt when I get home, so then I'm exhausted from being so happy... and I just laze around... all sad :L

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"Don't be surprised if I stumble over my words when I talk to you, it's only cause it's hard to talk with a big grin on my face, and don't be surprised if I can't look you in the eyes when we talk, it's only cause sometimes it hurts to look at something so perfect"

-KML.

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I get so weak in the knees I can hardly speak
I lose all control, then something comes over me
In a daze, your love's so amazing
It's not a phase, I want you to stay with me
By my side, I swallow my pride
Your love is so sweet, it knocks me right off of my feet
Can't explain why you're loving makes me weak

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Hello, it's me again... I just wanted to say thankyou... again... yeah, it's getting a bit old now, sure, but I mean it. And I'm sorry... yeah that should have probably come first... I'm really sorry.