Whelmed

"i just wish i could start a relationship about twelve years in, when you really don’t have to try anymore, and you can just sit around together and just goof on tv shows and then go to bed without anybody trying any funny business."

This is my four hundredth post.

Which is quite an achievement. Considering I rarely blog now a days.

But I've been through lulls before.

I think I'm just overwhelmed.

Here's a series of Things You Don't Know About Me that you don't care about but might read anyway.

I've always been the lover, never the loved. Now that I'm the loved, I'm scared I'm going to break you in the same way that they broke me. And I'm very sorry if I do.

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My Dad has never watched state of origin by himself, he's always watched it with my grandfather. Now that he's gone, I want to be there for him. That's why I'm mega pissed that we'll be on camp for origin 1. I don't care if we get a tv, or get to watch it. I don't want him to be alone.

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It makes my day when you walk past, catch my eye, and poke your tongue out at me. You always seem happy to see me, even though you barely know me. I feel special.

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I wear the necklace you gave me to work everyday. I feel like it's the only thing keeping me close to you. And I don't want to let go.

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Mum told me that she thinks I could have done better for all of my half yearly results. All of them. I wish I could stop being a disappointment.

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Watching the last ever episode of Gilmore Girls changed my life, because I will never be able to hear those words spoken to me. Never, because you are gone. And I didn't realise what that meant, until Emily said that to Rory.

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I feel like I'm letting down everyone important in my life at the moment, simply by being me. I want to change, but it all feels so huge and overwhelming and it feels like there's nothing I can do but watch my life go by, along with everyone I ever cared about.

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Lately, the only person I've been able to relate to is B'Ellana Torres.

"We've recieved unconfirmed reports that you are beginning to ask questions. Please accept the world as it is and allow it to continue to work the way it works. Fit in.

Thank you."

In other words, it doesn't matter if you're failing English.
Or that you cry at inconvenient times during the day.
And it doesn't matter if you ate lunch alone.
Or that you've fought with everyone important to you in the last 24 hours (including yourself.)

This is the way the world works.

You just have to stop asking questions and fit in.







Resistance is futile.

Alone together =)

Confession#10: I forgot how much it hurt until I went back.
I dont think I can do it anymore.
Why do they get what I can't have?
How can I miss what I've never had?

"Imagine you are a sparrow. And you are sitting on the branch of a tree, looking out at the world. Would you worry why the sky was blue? Would you concern yourself with maths, or physics?"
"No, of course not."
"Why not?"
"Because it would be beyond the comprehension of my brain."
"So then, can you accept the fact that, as a man, there are things out there that are beyond the comprehension of your brain?"
"Well, if I couldn’t accept that, I would be a rather foolish man."

"I'm still in love with you" – dongbadong

It's funny how you go through the year and nothing seems to change but when you look back, everything is different. It's amazing that no matter how much we tell ourselves that we won't change for anyone, we always seem to.
And no matter how much we say we won't care what they think about us, it's the number one thing on our minds.
If you look at how I used to be and you look at me now, you'll realize I'm not the same girl I used to be.
All of this shit got to me.
I've always avoided fights.
I make jokes instead.
I tell people what they want to hear just to avoid confrontation.
I pretend to want things I don't want and I pretend not to want things I do want.
No one gets hurt except me.
The lines are so crossed and blurred at this point that I don't know what I want.
I just know I want it to be easy...


YOU ARE NOT ALONE

Walking through an empty house
Tears in my eyes
This is where the story ends
This is goodbye

"It feels like rain just ran down my face"

Summer turned to winter
And the snow it turned to rain
And the rain turned into tears upon your face
I hardly recognized the girl you are today
And god I hope it's not too late
It's not too late

there comes a point when you get scared as well, when you want to stop dancing, but your feet move. and the music is so beautiful, and the tune is so catchy, that you can't help but continue the steps. and your mind says "are you crazy? you're dancing with the devil" and you say "but at least someone will dance with me"

live long and prosper.