Victor told me a title wasn't necessary, he just wanted to read

one - i'm getting sick, and it sucks
TWO - I WAS TALKING TO PEOPLE TODAY ABOUT HOW AMAZING YOU ARE. I REALLY HOPE YOU ACTUALLY KNOW THAT.
three - i love feeling comfortable with you. i don't know how you do it. i feel like i'm at home. finally.
four - i'm not real sure what i did to annoy you. i'm sorry for always being such a bitch, though.

so...
health assignment...
mm, hasn't really happened yet
and it's not looking like it will tonight.

the other day i was looking over what i wrote about the essence of me... back in the day. I realised how much of myself has changed, just in the last 6 months. I'm happy now. I cry less, and there's always someone that notices. I don't dread turning out like mum anymore. And my fake smile ain't all that pretty. I found my real smile again. I'm getting slacker with memoirs. I think I'm perhaps a little less crazy, mainly because skipping/spinning make me dizzy.

Oooh, oooh, and speaking of dizzy, I'm FINALLY going to the doctors on Thursday!! yay!! it only took 12 weeks!

Actually, I've gotten a lot closer to my family in the last 6 months, we actually feel like a family again, and that's been a while. The only people I've really drifted from are my group. And, although I feel extremely guilty about that, I know that something's gotta give. Everything won't always be perfect, and I have to deal with things being less than perfect.

I feel like writing.
Hmm, I'll write the part of my story that I wrote ages ago.
(Seriously, I was going through these drawers the other day, and I found this, and I'm like, damn, that's insightful) (Okay, so I may or may not have only found a paragraph, and just extended on that now because I feel like writing)
---

"I can't do this anymore Luke" I said, I don't know what I wanted him to say, really, I just looked into his eyes, until he had to say something, I know he had something to say.
"Can't do what, Elle?" He gave me the same look.
"I can't keep pretending to be okay with everything that's happening to you, when I'm not! I know you have problems, okay, I get that, but you can't keep bottling them up, you have to let me in sometime. Not anyone else, you don't need to tell anyone else, but you need to let me in."
"I can't Elle, I can't let you deal with all this, I can't let it hurt you."
"That hurts more Luke, I feel like you can't trust me."
"I can, darling, I just can't hurt you."
"You already are" I tried to look disappointed, but I felt upset, so maybe my expresion came off as confused, or something else, but I was aiming for diappointed. But I was still trying to make a point, so I turned around and walked away.
"Elle! Elle, wait!"
But there was nothing to wait for really, nothing worth waiting for. I'd heard all the excuses a thousand times before, the 'i can't hurt you' and 'i care too much' and 'you won't understand', and I was over it. Completely over it. And there was nothing to wait for.
"Elle, I love you."
And I stopped. Becuase I didn't want him to think that those words had no effect on me, because they did. But I didn't turn around, because he wasn't forgiven. He just had a second chance. And I felt his arms around my waist, and his mouth against the tip of my ear, and I knew he was using his second chance wisely.
"I want to tell you" he whispered "it's just hard."
And that I could understand, I know what it's like to tell people things you never have before. I know how much trust is involved. And I knew that his problems went beyond 'I stole the cookie from the cookie jar', but admitting them was surely still difficult.
But he was trying, and I think that's what won it for me. He was trying to tell me. And even if he couldn't, that would still be ok, because he was trying, and that meant he was forgiven.
So I turned around in his arms, hugged him, and whispered "I love you too... and take your time"
And take his time he did.
But he told me.

---

And there he was; Hayden Parker.
He was the new kid on the block, the one everyone was dying to meet. He was the blonde haired, blue eyed, loveable nerd. He was beautiful, he was kind, he was funny, and he was clever. He was the kind of guy to talk business with your dad, and make your mum fall for him too. The guy that made every one of your friends jealous, yet made them want to spend more time with you just for knowing him. He had an answer to every question, he always did his homework, and all the teachers loved him. He was Hayden Parker. And he was standing right in front of me.

"H-hello, I'm Elle, you must be new" That was my approach, to act kind, but as if he wasn't anyone special, and that I was nice to all the new kids.
He extended his arm "Hayden Parker" We shook hands "I just got here yesterday"
"Cool, how are you liking ____{insertschoolnamehere}____?"
"It's a good school" he said, looking around. His hair falling effortlessly as he moved his head "The people aren't bad either" and he winked at me.
"So they tell us" I giggled. That line had sounded much better in my head.
"Right... well, I've gotta go to class, I'll see you later Elle"
"Yeah, bye"
And he walked away. And I watched.

---

Lol, that was more fun to write than it should have been.
Okay, well, I've sufficiently written.
Live long and prosper.